[♪♪♪] -Yeah, and I can think of several people that ought to retire.

[laughs] -Retirement party.

-Yeah, we're gonna say goodbye to some people.

-Give it up, Johnson.

-Right, give it up.

[laughs] Hang it up.

I'm Laban Johnson.

-I'm Larry Bly.

How are you doin'?

-We're so glad that you could be with us today.

-Now, back off.

-[screams] I'll get you, I'll get you.

I got the old-fashioned one that you crank.

-We're gonna do a retirement party today.

-Yep.

-And the Cook sisters are coming by later?

-They're coming by.

we're gonna read some letters.

-And we got wacky stuff going on.

-Miss Witch is gonna be here.

-I see that we have a new instrument of death here on the old-- -Yes, and I've got to read this letter that came in.

It said, "Dear Larry and Laban, My family and I really enjoy your show," and so on and so on and so on.

"What are some of the hand signs going on behind the scenes?"

[laughs] They wanna know what the crew is doing.

Well, they are signifying to us frequently about their opinions about what we're doing.

-Yeah, this one means smack your mama right upside the head.

[makes popping noise] -Right.

[laughs] -That's what that means.

-And then there's that presidential salute that they occasionally give us.

-Oh, right.

[laughs] -All right.

"One show we watched had Laban saying how much he hated electric can openers."

I agree.

"I have one."

-Because your mama was attacked when you were a baby.

-Uh-huh.

Right.

Said, "I have one.

It was given to me.

"It's kind of worn out but it will open cans "if you hit the top to make it stop.

"So since I saw how much Larry enjoys banging on blenders, "I figured you could use this opener on your show.

"Do you think it would go on with the décor?

"Keep us laughing.

"My two teenage sons just love to see "what you're going to do next.

"Your show is the best thing since the Three Stooges .

"Keep having fun.

If you're ever in Central Texas, stop by to see us."

And that's from Catherine Bedrick and her family.

-You gonna try one of those cans on it to see if it works?

-Yes, I'm going to open up this can of soup.

-This is exciting.

-It really is.

-See, I always thought that electric can openers were kind of dumb, until I won one at the great TV-- this television station had a big party one year and I won a can opener, an electric one, and I love it.

It's the only decent thing I ever got from this TV station.

'Cept a lot of hard times.

-[Laban] You've got one.

How do you do it?

-[laughs] That was pretty good, all right.

Well, I've never used one exactly like this, Laban.

[crew] Nobody has.

[laughs] -Well, somebody opened a can with it a while ago.

Doris, did you open a can with this?

[crew member] [indistinct] -Huh?

-Oh, no!

Now you've done it.

Our fine new can opener that we just got.

-It didn't work.

It said if you beat on the top of it, it would open the can.

The can is still shut.

[laughs] -Let me have that thing.

I swear.. -[Larry laughs] I think I broke it.

Oh, it has been maimed for life.

-[Larry laughs] -Broke our new can opener.

Oh, wait a minute.

It's unplugged.

-[laughs] -No wonder.

You did that on purpose.

-I didn't, I had no clue.

-I know you did.

-Look, it's hanging.

The strip was hanging on it.

That's what--there you go.

-Yeah.

-Now, there you go.

There you don't go.

Here he does-- [laughs] Yeah, we were afraid we wouldn't be able to fill 30 minutes tonight.

[laughs] -Well, how do you get this thing to--?

-[laughs] The show is half over.

[laughs] Do you know how to operate one of these, Doris?

You've used one of these.

Come over here.

Get in here.

Show us how to operate.

Come in here.

Show us how to operate.

Do you know how-- you never used one of these?

-Well, who--did somebody use--?

-Somebody opened a can-- I think I opened a can earlier with it, come to think of it, but I've forgotten how.

Well, anyway, ladies and gentlemen.

[laughs] -We'll practice and next week, we'll do it.

-We'll-- [laughs] -Cook something.

I am so disgusted.

I just can't-- -[laughs] It's been one of those days around the old ranch, boys and girls.

I'm gonna do Crabby Potatoes.

-I know, I guess they are crabby.

They've been laying around waiting for over an hour.

[laughs] -How appropriate.

[laughs] This one's been around so long it's calcified.

And not only that, but I've lost-- you took my knife, Johnson.

-We didn't take it, you left it over here.

[laughs] -Get yourself a couple of nice baking potatoes.

These are russets, I think, I can't remember, but I think they are.

-Russet, who's he?

-Well, he's the guy that made this potato.

Grease the outside of it with just a little Crisco or somethin', a little shortenin', and take a fork and poke some holes in it.

That's the most important part of it right there.

Because if you don't poke the holes in it, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, they will explode and put your eye out.

-Oh, come on.

-They'll put your eye out, they will.

-I swear.

-They won't put your dog out.

They'll put your eye out.

Put 'em right on the rack, don't put any tinfoil around 'em or anything-- -But you have to tie a little string to the top and one to the bottom, and then you--no, no.

-[laughs] Put them on the rack.

Just lay 'em directly on the rack and bake 'em at 400-- -You got one in your basement, too, I bet.

[laughs] -Four hundred degrees for one hour.

I'm gonna get through this recipe if it kills me.

Then you let it cool 'til the skin gets kind of wrinkly like Johnson's.

-[Laban laughs] -Look.

-Like Johnson's.

what?

-[Laban laughs] -Face.

So anyway.

[laughs] And then-- am I turning red?

And then, you cut it in half and you take the pup out of it.

[laughs] Up where I come from, they don't say pulp, they say pup.

-Pup.

[laughs] [barks] -And just take a spoon and just dig that stuff out of there.

Oops.

Now, be careful because you could ruin the whole side of it and thus ruin this entire presentation.

So, it would be nice if I showed people what I'm doing.

Just, you know, dig some of it out of there and put it into a bowl.

Now, you got to do that with four baking potatoes.

There's one.

If you wanna tell people what you're doing while I'm doing this, could take a couple of minutes.

I know I told you-- -Well, I can't do anything because I have to have a-- [laughs] -[Larry] What?

-I have to have a can opener.

-[Laban laughs] -Oh, no.

[laughs] -And I know that that crabby reviewer is speaking of your Crabby Potatoes.

-Doris has one.

-That crabby reviewer from House & Garden.

-Who said the only thing we know how to do is open cans?

-Right.

Well, you're gonna see how to do it, baby, if you're watching.

I doubt if they watch.

They probably never watch TV.

-Here you go.

Now, there's a real can opener.

No, he said he'd never watch the show again.

-Yeah, well, I hope he never does, to tell you the truth.

-You don't have to worry about him anymore.

He said it was the worst TV show he'd ever seen.

-Now, I'm gonna do a peanut butter soup that was sent in to us by Drena Brown of North Augusta, South Carolina.

-Drema?

-Yeah.

And I hope North Augusta is still there since that was-- Drena, D-R-E-N-A.

Drena.

-Oh, Drena.

I thought it was Drema.

-No, Drena.

-I've heard of Drema but I never heard of Drena.

-Yeah, I knew a girl-- Gladys Stavers' daughter was named Drema.

[laughs] -Gladys Stavers, I thought she was-- well, never mind.

-No, no, Gladys is a good woman.

-[laughs] Well, good.

Hope she still is.

-Anyway, to start out making this peanut butter soup, you have to have a can of green pea soup.

That's right.

So, while Larry is finishing up his potatoes, I will be opening up a can of green pea soup, a 12-ounce can of evaporated milk, a can of cheddar cheese dip, a jar of peanut butter-- [Larry] Good Lord.

-And reopening a bag of light brown sugar.

[kisses] And so-- -Well, I hope you don't rup-- -Are you getting close to bein' ready over there?

-Oh, yeah.

I hope you don't rupture yourself with one of those-- -Well, I'm gonna go ahead and start opening cans while Larry is finishing.

-I am still diggin' these taters out.

-See, this is the kind of can opener that I prefer to use anyways; it's the kind I have at home.

Matter of fact, I brought the kind I have at home with me today since I wasn't sure, you know, just whether Doris would be here with her can opener and knowing that I had all these cans to open.

-Yeah, Doris has taken to taking the can openers with her.

-Well, she's wise.

-So, when she's not here-- -Because if you don't do that, it will be pilfered.

That's true.

They pilfer.

They disappear.

We've had knives and things that go out for a walk around here and never come back.

We had a bowl that went out for a pizza one day and it was-- -Well, I'll tell you one thing, there's not a can unopened at the general manager's house.

-Oh, look.

[laughs] -[crew laugh] -Oh, no, say it isn't true.

[laughs] Don't tell me he's coming back in here.

-[laughs] Just kidding.

-I didn't know he knew where our studio was.

[laughs] [Larry] Just kidding.

[laughs] Okay, before we get ourselves in trouble.

Am I really that red or are they still working on the cameras?

-You know that manager we used to have?

-Okay, yeah.

-Wait a minute.

You know the one we used to have that we used to talk about?

Rex?

-Yeah.

Mm.

What?

-We heard from this guy from the teamsters that he was buried under-- [laughs] -The south end of the studio.

[laughs] Okay, now here's what we've done, boys and girls.

We gotta move along here or we're gonna be into somebody else's show here in a couple of minutes.

Okay, those four large baking potatoes you have and you take all that stuff out and you put the half stuff, put the pulp in there.

Then, we're gonna whip the potatoes with a quarter to a half cup of margarine, which I have dumped in there.

All right, that's about a half stick, Miss Doris and I figured out.

A third to a half a cup of heavy whipping cream-- be careful, you don't want to get this stuff too runny.

I'd experiment around with it just a little bit, if I were you.

A teaspoon of salt.

boink!

Eighth of a teaspoon of ground red pepper.

I think you're supposed to save the red pepper for-- no, the paprika gets-- okay, all right.

Huh?

Yeah, no.

Huh?

No, yeah.

No, no.

And then what else here.

four teaspoons of grated onion.

Oh, okay, I got to grate an onion.

I knew there was somethin' I needed to do.

I knew I had this onion for somethin', and I couldn't remember what it was.

I thought that I was gonna rub it in Laban's eye, to make him cry again like I did one time on the show.

And we won that Academy Award for your performance.

-Uh-huh, yes.

-Now, just grate a little of it-- how much'd it say?

Pay attention, Doris.

[laughs] Doris keeps going to sleep on me.

Just grate that in there.

Oh, you know that's gonna be good.

I just love it.

You think I got enough yet?

-Yeah, it's getting pink, so I'm sure you do.

[laughs] -[laughs] That's funny.

It was purple earlier.

[laughs] Okay, all right.

Now, a little bit of black pepper.

We need to put in.

oh, a cup of grated cheese.

Where did the black pepper go to?

It doesn't say nothing about black pepper.

-[Laban laughs] -I must have just made that up.

-[Laban laughs] -You did.

[laughs] -Forget that.

You don't need that.

You don't need that.

Okay, and then we got to put in there a cup of grated sharp cheese.

-Or as we say here in the South, don't give me no black pepper.

[laughs] -[laughs] Laban has eaten some of this.

Was it real good cheese?

-It was excellent cheese.

-It was real good?

You like my cheese today?

Johnson has to-- was I supposed to--?

-Measure it.

-No, no, no, I'm not.

-No, I thought you put that on top.

-A cup of grated cheese, whip in.

That's gotta be whipped in, it says.

And then you fold in everything else.

That's true.

It seems to me like you get mighty messy but that's what they say to do.

And I'm gonna go by the recipe and this onion's startin' to get on my nerves real bad, on my nerves and in my eyes.

You could just guesstimate on this cheese.

I mean, ain't nobody gonna get upset if you get a little too much or not enough.

How much-- [laughs] yeah, a little plastic.

I always like to work a little plastic in there.

Ask Laban, he's eaten rubber at my house, and this stuff.

Remember that rubber meal?

-[Laban] Yeah.

That historic occasion when I got-- -Served you with my-- -Served me with the little washer at the bottom of the-- -At the bottom of my blender.

[laughs] -He came up with some acorn squash-- -I didn't even know it until the end of the meal and I saw that green rubber layin' around on your plate.

It was one of the few times he's ever been polite to me; he didn't say a word about it.

-I didn't throw it up.

-Nary a word.

All right.

-I just got a little artifact in there.

-Just whip that stuff up as much or as little as you like.

I don't like it whipped-- -Woo, smell that onion.

-Doesn't it smell good?

-[Laban] Uh-huh.

-Just leave it a little lumpy, all right?

Take your lumps.

Now, we gotta fold in about a six-ounce can of drained crab meat which I have put here in the old refrigerator.

drained crab meat.

And I gotta tell you, this is not the cheapest stuff we've ever bought, but a little can isn't gonna break ya, and it does serve.

one, two, three, four, five-- eight people.

So, you can't complain about that.

-So that means since he's doing four potatoes, everybody gets half a potato.

So that's four times two is eight.

That's for all you little kids who are trying to learn your multiplication.

-Or you could serve four people one whole potato with two halves each.

[laughs] -That's four divided by-- eight divided by two is four.

-Okay, now.

You fold that in there.

Where's my foldin' device?

There it is.

Now, that's how you fold it in there.

Put that in there.

And now, what you gotta do is you gotta refill the shells.

-Refill the shells.

-And then you're gonna top that with a little bit of paprika, all right, to make it look real pretty, and you got to put it back in the oven, 450 degrees for 15 minutes.

And then you serve it.

And that's that.

So, I'll start doing now and then I'll throw it back to Mister Johnson is I'll start refilling these.

beautiful overhead shot.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Isn't that gorgeous?

Take that and a little bit of the paprika just to make it look real pretty.

And you'll bake that 15 minutes.

So, I gotta get going and get these things in the oven being that I don't have 15 minutes.

But hey, you can serve it raw and it would be great.

Really, I mean, it's true.

Everything is done.

So, Laban.

-Uh-huh.

Yeah, ah, yeah, right.

-[laughs] Take it away.

-Okay.

Now, I have got in this pan the can of green pea soup and the 12-ounce can of evaporated milk.

That does not take a college degree to put that together.

All right, now, to that I'm going to add two tablespoons full of creamy peanut butter.

One-- you thought I was going to drop it down.

-Boy, this smells good.

-What, the peanut butter?

-No, my potatoes smell wonderful.

[laughs] You all right, Johnson?

-Well, I'm just tryin'-- Doris, I need a paper towel, or another spoon, whichever one is easier.

-Or if you got a light.

[laughs] Or perhaps if you can run down the street for-- -When you got that in there, now, your soup is supposed to be hot and you stir it around.

I better have two other spoons.

Thank you so much, 'cause I've got to-- all right now.

I'm going to add two tablespoons of brown sugar and I wish Mick was here to sing.

-Oh, well, he is.

Didn't I tell you?

[laughs] -Oh, is he coming in?

-Booked him on the show today.

-All right.

[Larry] I don't think I'm gonna get this done!

I think I'll be playing with this 'til next week.

Oh, no.

-All right, two tablespoons of brown sugar.

[Larry] I'm sorry, that will not do.

[laughs] -Well, do you have to have yours on brown?

-You have just messed up badly, Bly.

You are way off the mark.

-Or broil, I put yours on broil.

-You know, we need-- broil?

-Yeah.

Well, that way it will-- -It says bake it.

-Well, I know, but it'll do it.

All right, now I've got my sugar in there and my peanut butter.

-Yeah, let 'em eat it raw.

-Well, the crab meat's already processed.

It's cooked.

-That's what I said, everything in it is cooked, so big deal.

-I mean, worse than that.

-Huh?

Oh, okay.

Who cares?

-I'm going to add two-two tablespoons of cheddar cheese dip go into this thing.

-I'm tired.

-You're tired?

-Are you done yet, Johnson?

-[Larry laughs] -I'm gettin' close.

Well, listen, while we're doing this, [laughs] let's bring the Cook sisters here.

They are-- -Oh, boy!

-We've got the camera crew out on the back porch.

-[Larry] Uh-oh.

-Let's invite them to come on out and give us another pearl of wisdom because we certainly need a pearl of wisdom right now-- -Bring those old girls in.

We love 'em, and they're comin' up again.

-Oh!

[laughs] They can't even count to ten around.

[Sister Cook] Hey, Tootsie.

[Tootsie Cook] Huh?

-You remember this?

-Oh, it's a-- you used to pump me up with that.

I'll never forget it, when I felt deflated.

-No, no, no.

No, this is our old mayonnaise maker.

[Tootsie Cook] Oh.

[Sister Cook] Yeah, you put your egg and your lemon juice and your vinegar and your mustard, salt, and pepper, and a little sugar here with the oil and you just pump away 'till glory days.

-How long would you do it?

-'Til it was ready.

[Tootsie Cook] Oh.

-I'm Sister Cook.

- And I'm Tootsie Cook.

-And we're the Cook sisters.

-[laughs] They're a scream, those girls.

-Well, my soup has been thoroughly mixed up and it's done.

This is a really easy, easy-- -I tell you, that is a beautiful-looking soup.

-It really is.

-It is.

[laughs] -Oh, come on.

It is.

It's good looking.

It does kindly favor other things, but I mean-- [laughs] -We have got some rude staff members this year.

[laughs] -Well, you'd be rude too if you had to work on this show.

-[both laugh] [Larry] Well, yeah, I guess you're right.

-While we're standing here, let's go over the recipes.

-Huh?

-Let's do the receipts.

-Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.

-And they'll be coming up-- there they are.

-Here's what they look like.

-[Laban] Peanut Butter Soup, can of condensed green pea soup, one 12-ounce can of evaporated milk, two tablespoons of creamy peanut butter, two tablespoons of brown sugar and two tablespoons or more of canned cheddar cheese dip.

What could be easier?

-[Larry] This!

Crabby Potatoes.

You get yourself four big crabby baking potatoes and a quarter to a half cup of margarine gets added to the pulp along with some heavy cream and a teaspoon of salt and an eighth of a teaspoon of ground red pepper and four teaspoons of grated onion, which really makes it good.

Grated sharp cheese, a little paprika-- oh, and then you fold in the drained crab meat which you can buy a little six-ounce can of, not terribly bad.

And then mix that all up, put it in a potato half and sprinkle about a half a teaspoon of paprika on top of it to make it real pretty, and bake it for about 450 degrees for about 15 minutes and that ought to be lovely, ought to be just wonderful.

-Ought to be, but we'll see.

-[laughs] Ought to be ain't necessarily so.

-That's right.

-Well, I tell you that soup looks real good.

-Well, it does.

-That's a lovely, lovely soup.

-Creamy and it's easy as pie, or soup, in this case.

-Which you have made up there.

-Now, let's see.

Is Miss Witch ready?

-I think Miss Witch is supposed to come in, come bouncing in.

-Somebody tell Miss Witch to haul her broom in here.

[laughs] Let's see what kind of mail she's got for us this week.

Here she comes.

Whoops!

Grab her.

-Come here, woman.

-Bye.

-And toodaloo.

-Holy cow!

-Hoo, god.

That was a super-charged departure.

Oh, it's a long letter and it's a good thing, too.

-[Laban laughs] Read the letter.

-Oh, excuse me.

"Dear gentle man ," it says.

And I don't know which one they're talking about, but anyway.

"All of us here at the Sweet Redemption United Baptist Church "of the Holy Mother of God have a terrible problem "and think that you might be able to help us.

"Our pastor, the Reverend Durwood Thump, "is leaving because malfeasing on some of the church funds "which he claims to have spent helping the homeless.

"The homeless one in question was one Miss Chichi le Francois, "who is a dancer in a roadhouse not too far from here.

"She was homeless last Friday night "when the Reverend took her in.

"Of course, the problem was that he took her "into the church social room "and was being very social with her "when old lady Preston came down there "to get the vases to use for the flowers for Sunday morning.

[sighs] "To say goodbye to the Reverend, "we are having a little potluck supper "which is all that we can afford since the Reverend gave "right smart of the funds to Miss le Francois, "which is what got him in so much trouble, to begin with.

"What we wanna know is do y'all have any recipes "that would be suitable for this occasion?

"Thanks for your help.

"I know the Reverend will appreciate one last good meal "before he hits the road.

"God bless you both.

Darcel McGee of Letitia Southern Supper Chairpersons."

-[Laban laughs] Well, I-- -Whew, one of the longer letters the witch has ever brought us.

-[laughs] I thought maybe we ought to have it so that we could figure it out.

So next week, we'll do a potluck supper.

-Oh, hot dag!

-Okay.

-Well, let me get out these fine well-baked-- -Well, I'm going to take the soup over here.

-items from the oven here.

[sings] A lot of kisses.

Oh, Lord.

I forgot to put anything to get these hot things.

They are steamin'.

Listen to them.

[hisses] Oh!

-Well, they look wonderful.

They're so brown and pretty.

-They are.

-[Laban laughs] -Let me get you one of these.

-[Laban] All right.

Well, they just look real precious.

-Well, they are lovely, aren't they?

-Hm-mm.

Oh, Lord, the soup has developed a skin on it.

-Is scalding hot.

[laughs] -No, it isn't.

[laughs] -It's developed a skin on it.

-I wanna try this potato.

-This soup has an epidermis.

[crew] Put it next to your mic and squeeze.

-Oh, no.

No, don't do that.

Oh, it belches.

Isn't that cute?

[laughs] Okay.

-I swear.

Hmm, these potatoes are wonderful.

-Peanut butter soup.

-Is it good?

-Hm-mm, it tastes like peanut soup.

-Well, it's got green peas in it.

-But it tastes like peanut soup.

It's really quite good.

It really is.

Let me try one of these taters.

I told you these taters would come out all right.

-Woo, it's hot!

Oh, they're delicious.

-Hm, you will love this meal.

-I might have to have the rest of mine.

-Last week's was so bad, and this week's is so good.

-Well, let's look at some of the mail.

Do we have enough time to do it?

Yeah, we can read one.

-One minute.

-This lady says, "I drool over some of the recipes and some I wouldn't care for."

Hah.

"Laban's liver and noodles looked so good I could almost taste it."

See, somebody liked the liver.

"Also, Larry's zucchini omelet.

This is my first letter "but there have been many recipes "I would have loved to have.

Maybe I can get the cookbook soon."

Well, we hope you can.

And that's from Miss P.H.

Tuggle in Brookneal, Virginia.

Well, thank you, Miss Tuggle.

Isn't that a wonderful name?

-It is.

That's it.

That's all the time we have.

We got to go away from here.

-Oh, no.

-We've had a good time.

I hope you have, too.

-Wonderful.

[♪♪♪]