[♪♪♪] -[both] Oh, hello.

-[Larry laughs] -We weren't expecting you so quick.

Good to see you.

-Well, then how did we rehearse that opening line so?

-I don't know.

[laughs] -Too many years together, ladies and gentlemen.

-Too many, too many.

-Too many, too many, it's true.

What are you playing around with there?

-Oh, I'm just trying to open up a little spice bottle.

-Well, don't you know it's been sealed for your protection.

-Yeah, I do.

-It has been.

It says, "quality sealed."

-Uh-huh.

-Now how do we know that it's not "quality sealed"?

-No, you know, I don't mind these when they put the little tab on it, so you tear it off.

But these people have just left you no other entry other than using a knife.

-Well, I'm sorry-- -'Cause I'm going to.

-I know you will.

I know you never hesitate to use a knife.

-What are we doing today?

Where is the witch?

-I don't even know what I'm doing here.

I thought this was next week.

-I was warned, oh no.

-I thought I was supposed to be here-- -Oh!

-Almost knocked the wine bottle off.

-Oh, she knocked her-- -She's gotten into the wine, and we have some fresh meat flying around.

-Cold-cocked the witch-- -Did you see that?

We have fresh meat flying around the studio.

-Well-- -Flies.

It's the middle of winter when we're doing this-- flies.

-Now, let see what this is.

"Dear Gentlemen, I need some new recipes for steak"-- S-T-A-K-E. "I enjoy your show very much when it's on at night.

"Otherwise, I am unable to get it.

Sincerely, Count Ralph Dracula, Transylvania, Pennsylvania."

-Oh, Transylvania Pennsylvania Station.

How about that?

That's wonderful.

-He wants the steak recipes.

Well, we got 'em today.

-Well, we have-- not only that, we have steaks with flies on the side.

[laughs] -[laughs] -It's an old joke but what can I tell you.

-I don't know.

-I'm gonna be doing one of 'em Philadelphia Steak Sandwiches.

-Ooh, those are so good.

And I-- -And the recipe came directly from Philadelphia, so you know it's gotta be authentic.

-And Russell Kaye Ingraham of Kingsport, Tennessee-- Ingraham-- has sent in a Chili Steak recipe that looks really good, and it's easy as pie, any fool could do it.

No offense.

-Well, if it's easy as pie, why aren't we just doing pie?

-I don't know.

-I don't know.

-Get out of town.

-All right, okay.

First thing I gotta do to start mine is I have picked these wonderful fresh mushrooms.

I have some shrooms with me today, as it's known in the business, and I'm going to take those and clean 'em with this mushroom-- what do you call it?

Ah, brush.

-[Laban] Uh-huh.

-And you know how you can tell this is a mushroom brush?

-[Laban] How?

-Because it says mushroom brush right there, right on the thing, is what it says-- mushroom brush.

-[Laban] It says so.

Yes.

Please don't put your mushrooms in the water, folks.

-Accept no imitations.

Well, you know, I hate to tell you this, Laban, but I saw a high-priced cook not too long ago said that that was a bunch of hooey.

-[Laban] Well.

-So, I don't know.

-I've used my mushroom brush for years.

I love it to death.

-Well, you know who got me this one?

-Who?

-You did.

-Oh, did I?

Is that the one I gave you?

-Another wonderful gift, ladies and gentlemen, that Laban-- an unforgettable gift that he forgot about.

-That I forgot.

Oh, well.

Who-- you know, that's the way it goes.

-Here I thought he'd be thrilled that I use this poor, tired thing and now he doesn't even remember.

-That's a nicer one than the one I have.

-Well, that's the way it goes.

And I'm just gonna swish this stuff off of it and you know, just get all that little-- what is it, dirt?

What is that stuff that's on it?

-It's the dirt, which is pasteurized before they use it, so it's not actually gonna hurt you.

-So it's clean dirt?

-[Laban] Yeah.

It's been totally baked in the oven or whatever they do with it.

But it's-- I won't say where it's come 'cause this is a family show, sort of, that people watch.

-No, we don't need to hear that.

-We don't need to.

-Just get on with your recipe.

-Well, I've got to salt and pepper these little cube steaks, and I'm gonna turn the heat on here.

-People don't need to know where milk comes from, and they don't need to know where this stuff grows.

-And if you wanna do a heart healthy version of this, you can.

These little steaks, these are chuck and they don't have much fat in 'em.

They're very lean, so they're okay.

-[Larry] Chuck was always lean.

-Yes.

And I'm just sprinkling the teeniest little bit of salt on 'em.

And now, I'm gonna put on some pepper out of this big pepper thing we have.

We don't have a pepper grinder.

- A pepper thing.

[chuckles] -All right, there is-- all right now, as soon as my heat heats up good enough, I will put these in.

Oh, wait a minute.

Before I do it, I gotta flour 'em.

-You gotta do what?

-I gotta flour 'em.

-[Larry] Oh.

-So, I've got a tablespoon of flour in this little dish and I'm just kind of sprinkling 'em, oozing 'em around here in the flour.

-The pepper is in the way, Johnson.

-Oh, sorry about that.

Well, that's the way it goes.

That's why we have a floor crew.

Is it hot yet?

-Is that why we have a floor crew?

-Oh, yeah.

Well, let me flour this one.

Anything you wanna do, go ahead.

-[Larry] Well, okay.

I'm just gonna go ahead now.

I'm heating up a little butter on top of the stove.

It calls for about-- well, I don't know, a little bit-- a tablespoon, a teaspoon of butter.

That looks like two tablespoons.

Anyway, and now I'm just gonna chop these mushrooms.

The fungi, just chop the fungi up in real nice chops.

And while you're heating up your stove and we're gonna do that, we're gonna sauté that and some green peppers and a couple of garlics things.

-You know, folks, Larry and I, have on many occasions, cooked for a science museum on their annual mushroom foray in the forest during the fall of the year, so we are mushroom experts.

We know which ones are poisonous.

-Speak for yourself.

-And where is that poisonous one we have?

-I'll never forget when I lost my aunt-- well, never mind.

-[chuckles] -Serving her fresh mushrooms.

No, we have done several of those mushroom hunts.

But I must tell you that only my granddaddy used to know the good ones from the bad ones, and I have trusted no one since, to be quite honest with you.

-The good, the bad, and the real ugly.

-Now I'm gonna take those and we'll just start-- we'll just start sautéing those a little bit.

And I've got some other stuff to go in to this sauté mess.

They're right persnickety about what goes into this.

Next thing I gotta do is take a couple of garlic cloves and I'm gonna smush 'em real good.

That's the fastest way to get a garlic clove out of its shuck.

Just smash it, and as you can see, the little stuff comes right off of it, and then all you have to do is chop it up and put it in there.

It works very, very well.

And it says slice it, it doesn't say smush it.

It says slice it.

That's the best I can do.

I'll do another one in case you missed it.

Startling overhead, recreation, whoops.

That's what you do, and then you'll see all that just comes right off of there, and you don't have to get your hands into it too much.

All right, and we'll chop those and add 'em also to the mix.

How many does it call for, two?

-I don't know.

I'm not watching.

-Well, I'm not asking you.

-[Laban laughs] -I'm asking my lovely assistant who's not doing anything.

-[Laban] Oh, Doris.

-How many does it call for, Doris, two?

-[Doris] [indistinct].

-She's not payin' attention.

I think she's watching another show.

I think she's watching soap operas on the side.

What?

-[Doris] I was thinking about my father.

He was a chef, and he did it with his hand.

Don't do garlic with your hand because my father did that, and he got blood poisoning from it-- -Oh, no.

-[Doris] from the garlic, and he was in the hospital for quite a while.

So don't smash the garlic with your hand.

-Blood poisoning?

-[Doris] Blood poisoning.

-Another tale on the program, ladies and gentlemen.

Okay, anyway.

Chop up some onion next.

And it says chop it.

I would think that all you would do would just, you know, slice it, but it says chop it, so that's what I'm gonna do.

That'll be all I do.

Johnson, are you gonna do anything for this program?

-Well, yes, I thought I would.

I'm having floured, lightly floured.

Now, I don't have a-- you shake 'em before you put 'em in so the unneeded flour will go off.

But you put a little flour and it'll help the steaks to brown.

And we're not gonna cook 'em too long because they're gonna cook in the sauce for ten minutes, and these things cook fairly fast.

And they're looking real nice and tender.

-Could you describe in great detail how they look?

-They're gorgeous.

[chuckles] -Well, that's not very much detail.

-And you know, you could use ground turkey in place of this if you really didn't want the red meat.

You could use the ground turkey.

But this red meat is just fine for the job, so.

-Okay, in goes the chopped onion now, in with your mushrooms and your garlic.

You're putting in an entire-- that's a right big one, and it might be just a little bit more than we need, but that's okay.

Who's counting?

Next thing we have to do is we have to chop up a great big old pepper.

And I'm gonna do that, and the easiest way to get to that-- well, that's not the easiest way.

This is the easiest way.

Just take it out like that and dump the seeds out.

And there we go.

How many does it call for?

-[Doris] Half a cup.

-Half a cup.

Would you say that'd be one whole one?

-Depends how you cut 'em.

-[Larry] Huh?

[Laban] You can't tell while you cut 'em up.

-Well, it says chop everything, which I find interesting for a sandwich.

But you know, these people in Philly know their sandwiches and we down South have no right whatsoever to pass judgement on a Philly sandwich.

So, I gotta make it-- as a matter of fact, this is so precise that it even calls for spring water.

-Oh.

You know, Philadelphia is where our friends on the Furniture to Go people-- -Big fans of the program.

-Yes, Joe and Ed are there.

Hello to 'em.

-Uh-huh.

Hoo.

The onions are starting to get to me.

I'm just gonna go ahead and put a whole one in there.

We'll use what we need to use.

So that goes in now also.

Now I gotta get this stuff up and runnin' and sautéin' because I gotta add some other stuff here in a few minutes.

Laban?

-Well, let me, uh.

now my little steaks have cooked until they're probably medium rare, but they're okay.

And now, I have to add to the drippings in here two tablespoons of flour-- one, two.

We need a little salt.

And you could use a salt substitute, no trouble.

That's about a half a teaspoon of salt.

And let me stir this up.

Now, you have to cook your flour in this.

That's real important.

You don't wanna-- you actually want it to burn just a little bit.

It needs to get rid of that ugly taste that you can get in here if you're not careful.

[Larry] I have to add a couple more things to this and then I'll leave this to you.

Spring water, they're very specific about it.

It's two ounces, about a half of a quarter of a cup.

[chuckles] Am I right about that?

-[Laban] Mm-hm.

-Someone's gonna write a letter.

Spring water, very specific amount.

I just can't imagine, but they say it's very important.

A little bubbly.

This is wine-- white.

-[crew laughs] -[Laban] White.

Oh!

-White wine.

And I have just completely-- -Well, can't you-- oh, you don't have-- we don't have-- let Doris look and see if she doesn't have a wine whatchamacallit somewhere.

In the meantime, my flour has gotten brown.

I've got to add a cup of water to it.

Could I use some of your spring water?

-While we're waiting for the, ah-- yeah, here.

Have some spring water, why don't you?

-All right.

-You know, I am the only person probably on TV cooking today that actually has a spring house in my backyard.

-[Laban] You do?

-And I do.

It came with my 85-year-old house, home, which is a farm house.

Now, what I have done is I have gotten some, about a half pound of sliced steak.

-Here's your spring water.

-And I got-- look at this, I got it all ready.

You can buy it this way in the grocery store, very, very thinly sliced.

You can even get it thinner than that if you want to.

That's fairly thin sliced.

And I'm just gonna kind of cut it in little strips is what I'm gonna do while I'm waiting on Doris to bring something to open the bubbly.

It sounds bad for the bubbly at this point.

-[Doris] We're gonna have to dig it out.

-We're gonna have to dig it out, she says.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to have to dig out the thing.

No, I don't wanna do it over the meat.

-Well, in the meantime, I've added a-- -[sputters] -cup of water to this recipe, and I've got a real nice gravy here and-- -Oh, I've got a real nice gravy going here, too.

-Oh, did it-- and it's time to put in the chili.

-Here we go.

We got it.

What we did is, we pushed the thing down in it and it squirted up my nose.

[laughs] But that's all right.

It felt right good.

Be a little careful when you got that-- see, I got the thing bubbling around in there, if you can see it.

It's bubbling-- see it?

Bubbling around in there?

It's bobbin' around in there.

I tell you what, we won't be sealing that one up again.

Here, give this to the janitor.

I know how much he enjoys that.

Thank you very much.

We haven't seen him in a long time.

-What happened to my measuring spoon?

-Ah, I don't know.

Perhaps it's in your dish.

-It's in the bag of flour.

All right, now I'm going to add quickly-- -This thing doesn't seem to be heating up real fast.

[Laban] --a tablespoon and a half of chili powder to this.

[Larry] What's wrong with it?

I'm getting irritated.

-Oh, no.

Well, it isn't-- -Because this thing doesn't seem to be heating up very fast.

-Oh, what's wrong?

-I don't know, but I better be getting the meat in here and put some on top of it or we'll be eating raw meat.

-Ew!

-Put that in there, real quick.

Put it in now.

It's supposed to go in when it's sautéed.

We're gonna sauté it all together 'cause I don't wanna be eating raw meat.

We're halfway through the show, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm getting nervous.

You don't want me to get nervous.

-No, 'cause he's not a happy camper when he does-- -'Cause I'm not pleasant to be around even when I'm in a good mood.

[chuckles] -Well, you heard it here, folks.

-[Larry chuckles] -Carol, make a copy of that, a dub of that statement.

-Actually, I've been right down wacky today, I don't know why.

Can we find a lid for this?

I think I'm gonna need all the help I can get between now and the end of the program.

A little salt and pepper goes in there, too.

And that's gonna be it.

Now, what we're gonna do is just sauté that lightly.

And I'm not gonna put any more in there, that's enough.

Well, maybe I will.

I'll go ahead and put the other two in, why not?

What am I gonna do with it?

Is that the one that goes to it?

Well, bless your heart.

Well, Doris is coming through here in a pinch today.

She has managed to find the-- -Well, let's see if she's good enough to find the lid for this one.

-[chuckles] Well, I don't know.

-[Doris] [indistinct].

-She said you don't need a lid.

-[Laban] Yes, I do.

-And you heard it first here, ladies and gentlemen, she talked back to Laban.

[chuckles] -[Laban] Oh, no.

-But anyway, a little salt and pepper goes in there at this point, and-- Laban, that is beautiful.

-[Laban] Well, it really is.

-That really is gorgeous.

-[Doris] [indistinct].

-[Laban] That'll do.

-There you go.

As you can see, it's a perfect fit.

[laughs] -Well, it'll do the job.

But here are the two steaks and I added a tablespoon and a half of chili powder to the gravy I made.

It was real easy, and they have to stay that way until they're done.

-I'm gonna give my recipe.

Can I do it now?

-[Laban] Yes, please do it.

-And then I'll go to part two of my thing here.

The recipe for Cheese Steaks sent in by Anthony Koper of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Two ounces of white wine, two ounces of mushroom sliced, two large garlic cloves sliced, a teaspoon of butter to do it all in, an ounce of spring water, a cup of onions chopped, a half cup of green peppers chopped, half a pound of good, sliced steak, fat-free, cut into small pieces, wafer thin if you want 'em.

A lot of people use it that way.

A little salt and pepper to taste, and two good fresh 12-inch hoagie rolls and some American cheese slices.

We'll get to that part in just a minute.

Johnson?

-All right.

Oh, thank you so much.

Perhaps I should give mine while this needs to cook for five or ten minutes under cover.

And my ingredients are very easy.

Two to four cubed steaks, three tablespoons of flour, a tablespoon of cooking oil, salt and pepper as desired, and one to two tablespoons of chili powder, real easy.

Just brown the steaks, take 'em out, make a gravy with the remaining flour and chili powder and that's it, and a cup of water.

And this is just really cooking away.

I wanna turn it down just a tad.

I don't like to burn it.

-Well, I'm certainly glad someone's is.

-Well, I don't know what's wrong with yours.

-As you can see, there's not even any steam coming out the side of it.

I could have put up against my body and it would have been hotter than this.

-[Laban] Oh, Larry.

-Okay, I've got a couple of hoagie rolls.

And what I'm gonna do is I'm just gonna slice 'em down the edge and we'll open 'em up like so 'cause we're gonna put a bunch of good stuff in there.

And what you do at this point is you line this with some good old American cheese.

Stand up and salute that cheese.

Good old American.

And we'll just, uh, we'll make it real pretty.

We'll put it on the diagonal.

[chuckles] And make people think that we've done something special.

-[Laban] Oh, that's very-- -Isn't that attractive?

Now, would you have thought to do that?

Probably.

-[Laban] Not like that, no.

-Right.

-I probably would have just put it parallel.

-[Larry] [laughs] Well, see?

You're just a parallel kind of guy.

-Uh-huh.

Let's see how we're doing.

Oh, they just look lovely.

-All right, there we go.

That's about three of those each, as you can see.

Laban, I just can't believe how pretty that is.

-[Laban] Mm-hm.

-Mine would be pretty if it would cook.

which it isn't.

This is humiliating.

-[Laban] Well, you know-- -I just don't know what to do.

[Laban] Everybody has a disaster once in a while.

-Well, we'll eat this very rare, is what we're gonna do.

-[Laban] Oh, I don't know.

-[laughs] Well, we have a couple of 'em that are starting to brown up just a little bit here.

And I think that by the end of the show, we will actually have the recipe done.

Let's be grateful that in seven minutes, we can get it done.

But, anyway.

-Right.

Well, let's get Aunt Doris out here.

-Oh, please, Doris.

Come out here and-- haul your carcass in here and tell us what's going on in the world.

We have really-- -Yeah, come on over here.

-Go by Laban, just-- -Okay now.

-Oh, Doris.

-And leave me alone.

[chuckles] -I never promised you a rose garden, much less a flowerpot.

Look at this.

-Well, isn't that beautiful?

When did you do these?

This morning?

-[Doris] Um, I did 'em a little while before I came.

I made some for breakfast, too, and the ones I made for breakfast-- pardon?

-[crew member] [indistinct].

-Oh, talk into-- -Yes, Doris.

-She's used to working with the short one.

-[Doris] I need a stool.

[laughs] -Yes.

Talk into my neck.

-[Doris] Yeah, people accuse me of not looking at the cameras.

I've had people tell me that, let along trying to talk into the mic.

Okay, this is Spoon Rolls.

It was sent in a while back.

I don't know where the lady came from.

All I know is her name is Esther Bedsaul.

And I've been using this recipe at home for quite a while.

-Bedsore?

-Saul.

Saul.

-[Doris] Saul.

-Oh.

-Please.

Bring up such an unattractive thing on our show.

-[Doris] It takes a package of dry yeast, four cups of self-rising flour, three-fourths cup melted shortening, two cups of lukewarm water or milk, and I use buttermilk in ours, and one egg beaten.

You dissolve your yeast and put it in a bowl.

It said to cook it for 475, and I think that's a little too high because they get really dark.

And maybe, 450 would be better 'cause for 15 to 20 minutes, it gets done.

But in our area, we can get this real neat little flowerpots.

And I baked 'em in it, and I thought you could use 'em for a picnic or a festive occasion to put the rolls on.

And they come out-- -And they actually come out.

-[Doris] They make a real neat little roll.

-[Laban] Unbelievable.

-[Doris] And then you can make it the conventional way, you know, in a muffin tin, if you'd like, if you don't have the roll.

[laughs] [indistinct] 'em away on it.

-Right.

Well, that's wonderful.

[Larry] Now, could you make 'em square?

-[Doris] Well, if you had a square pot.

-Yeah.

-[Doris] And you can get the square pots, too.

-Well, there you go, Mr. Smarty Pants.

-[Doris] What you do is you can buy any-- buy 'em anywhere.

Just season the pot.

Make sure you season the flowerpot first with shortening or something, and bake it in the oven and then use it [indistinct].

-Right, 'cause you have to seal the clay.

-[Doris] My face is so hot from what Larry gave us a little while ago.

-Ahem.

We won't be talking about that, Doris.

We won't be talking about that.

-[Doris] [indistinct] Good luck.

-All right.

Thank you.

-[Larry] All right, well.

Well, there you go, ladies and gentlemen.

[laughs] -Yes.

Well, fortunately, mine is in good enough shape to serve at this point.

-Ah, well, that's nice.

-But yours, I guess, isn't, right?

-Ah, you-- -Oh, it's hermetically sealed.

-Oh, no.

[laughs] -[Laban] Oh, no.

-Johnson's has healed.

-[Laban] Another mess.

-Johnson's has totally healed.

-[Laban] I can't get it-- -Oh, how terrible.

Here, let's take a knife to it.

-No.

I don't wanna scratch the-- you know, we took it off the heat and it formed a suction under the-- -[crew member] Twist it as you pull up.

-Twist it as you pull it up.

-[Laban] Fat chance.

-Twist it.

Here we go, ladies and gentlemen, he's twisting it.

-No, the top of the pot won't-- -[crew member] Reheat it.

-Well, on what?

-[Doris] [indistinct].

-Now, turn up the back one there, Larry.

-Oh, thank heavens.

I've switched this to yours.

It is actually starting to get a little more done than it was.

What do you want?

-Just switch it, this one.

-All right.

Oh, this one, okay.

-Yeah, thank you.

So, if we get this one heated up, maybe it will let go.

Otherwise, we'll have a secret recipe today that nobody-- Doris, do we have a wooden spoon or something over there that we could see if we could get this out?

Oh, hitting the spring water this early in the day is not a good idea.

-Why?

-Gas.

-Spring water?

-Absolutely.

-I've never heard tell of such thing.

-It happens.

-Now do you suppose this is real spring water?

It says it is.

-Well, it says it is.

-Best thing I love about it is it says.

it says it has no calories.

I'm telling you-- you know, I've been on strict diet for months.

-Nothing is gonna turn this thing loose.

-Oh, well, now, this is just terrible.

Now, we're gonna end up fryin' it.

I'm gonna turn it off.

-Well, I can't even get-- I might have to turn this upside down on something to get it loose.

-What are we gonna do?

-I don't know.

We won't be able to eat.

-We never had a show where we couldn't get either recipe on the table.

-All right.

We now have a technician standing by, ladies and gentlemen.

Technicians are standing-- oh, this is gonna get done.

I'm happy to say, this'll be all right.

-Yeah, yeah.

Big Jim can't get it up.

It's not gonna open.

[laughs] -Oh, my.

This is a bad day on Cookin' Cheap , ladies and-- I need a-- no, I don't.

I got-- -Can we get a shot of that, Andre?

This is a scream.

-[Larry] Oh, there it goes.

It just let loose.

-[Doris] Or is that Jim?

[Doris laughs] -[Laban and Larry laugh] -Ladies and gentlemen, this is the first time in all of our years.

-I wonder if we poured cold water on it, if that would-- -[crew member] That would lock it up.

-How long do we have?

Do we have like any time?

-[Doris] [indistinct].

-A minute and a half?

-Forget it.

-Okay, let me show you real quick what you do with this.

We're not gonna get to eat this but I'll show you what you do.

What you do of course is take this-- -Let me have it back.

-and you fill in the rest of the sandwich with this.

And it is getting done, it's a little rare still but it would be okay.

I mean, you could like eat it right now if you wanted to, okay?

And there you have it, the Philly Steak Sub.

We got it done, just barely.

I finally got an eye that allowed us to finish it.

Let's go over and eat some bread.

-Let me have-- -Let's go over and eat some bread.

-All right.

Put it back on my thing and let it heat up.

-Well, ladies and gentlemen, we have permanently sealed Laban's recipe for our protection.

And it looks like we're unlikely to ever get a taste of any of it during the program.

I've never seen anything like that happen before.

Thank heavens though, we have these wonderful flowerpot biscuits.

[laughs] Which I think is going to constitute our meal for the day.

-And Doris is over there trying real hard to get it open, but even Doris can't get it.

I think you need to put it back on there 'til it heats up.

How humiliating.

The first time we've never been-- oh, Doris got the steaks open.

But now we're out of time.

-[crew member] Ten seconds.

-Ten seconds.

-Oh, well.

Thanks.

I'm sure they're good.

Believe me, trust me.

There they are.

Oh, what a mess.

[♪♪♪]