>> I RECENTLY LOST MYSELF IN A PLACE YOU NEVER NEW EXISTED.

I'LL CALL IT A GARDEN BECAUSE IT'S A PLACE WHERE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE ARRANGES ITSELF IN BIZARRE AND INFURIATING TANG ELSE.

YOU CAN ONLY GET THERE IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN OF A CERTAIN AGE, CHILDREN THAT HAVE BEEN SPEAKING FOR MANY YEARS BUT NOW THEY'RE OLD ENOUGH TO MANIPULATE THE WORDS.

THE JOURNEY BEGINS WITH A SIMPLE SENTENCE, SOMETHING LIKE, HEY, KIDS, IF YOU WANT TO GO TO THE BEACH, YOU NEED TO EAT ALL YOUR BREAKFAST.

THIS IS THE SEED, CLEAR AND CONCISE.

BUT THEN IT GETS PLANTED IN THE FERTILE SOIL OF YOUNG MINDS.

HOW MUCH IS ALL THE KIDS ASK.

ALL IS ALL, I ANSWER, ALL OF IT.

BUT IT'S TOO LATE.

THE SEED HAS ALREADY SPROUTED.

DOES THAT INCLUDE THE MILK BECAUSE IT'S MOSTLY JUST LEFT OVERSUGAR AND YOU SAID WITH YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SUGAR FOR BREAKFAST?

YES, I SIDE THAT, BUT THAT'S CANDY.

BECAUSE SHOCK HAT MILK IS A LIQUID, WE WANT CHOCOLATE MILK.

NO, YOU'RE NOT HAVING CHOCK LATE MILK FOR BREAKFAST.

EAT WHAT'S IN FRONT OF YOU.

>> IT IS IN FRONT OF US, YOU DIDN'T SAY HOW FAR IN FRONT.

AT THIS POINT, I'M NEARLY OVERRUN.

MY ONLY HOPE IS TO WIGGLE FREE.

FOCUS ON THE BEACH, OKAY?

LET'S GET TO THE BEACH.

WHAT IF WE JUST STAY ON THE PLAYGROUND?

THAT'S NOT TECHNICALLY ON THE BEACH?

GOD, WIGGLING ISN'T WORKING, TIME TO TAKE OUT THE MACHETE, IT'S ALL THE SAME, ALL THE BEACH, CHOP, CHOP, HACK, HACK.

THERE, MAYBE THAT DID IT.

DAD, IF IT'S REALLY ALL THE SAME, AREN'T WE ALREADY AT THE BEACH?

AHHHH!

I COULD SAY MORE BUT IF THERE'S ONE LESSON THE WORDS GARDEN HAS TAUGHT ME IS THAT THE MORE YOU SPEAK, THE WORST