caring careers here.com providing connections to the lives of Aging motans by helping people discover careers in caregiving more information at caring carear here.com how did it make you feel to get a diagnosis this is an area where we don't have experience this is we're going into New Frontiers or where I haven't been before where many people haven't been before hi I'm Melissa Fritz host of inside senior living as a senior living consultant during the covid pandemic and a daughter who lost her father to alzheimer's dementia my inspiration for this work comes from a deeply personal place I've seen firsthand the challenges family face when navigating the complexities of Aging over the years I've dedicated myself to equipping older adults and their families with the information and resources they need to make the best decisions whether that means receiving care in their own home or making a move to a senior living community and as we all age this need is only going to grow that's why we're on a mission to spark conversations support caregivers provide valuable resources and promote a more age friendly world today we meet David and Deb a couple whose love and partnership are being tested in ways they never imagined Deb diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's faces each day with courage while David her husband takes on the role of caregiver their journey is one of incredible resilience as they redefine roles in their close-knit family we've been married almost 34 years 33 and 1/2 years I remember when we were we were already engaged driving around Cloquet and we got talking about children and I asked Deb how many children would you like to have and she said oh I'd like to have like you know two or three and I said I wouldn't mind having like you know three to five and she said well you know I wouldn't mind that that sounds good but then I said how do you feel about adoption and she said I wouldn't mind that but I would like to have uh our children first and we never thought about that when we had our our we had three we had three boys yep so then we went on the Journey of adopting and we ended up adopting two two girls so we have we have five children we're blessed with five great children I think that with David and I we kind of work together a lot and I think we enjoy each other and being with them you know being with us and you know and now our kids are are older and so they're all at other places and but they come here and there and you know they're they're all very supportive well I think I'm rather fortunate and blessed in that what I'm doing as a consultant I can continue to do working from home and also somewhat in control of my time good morning hun [Laughter] so good to see you sitting there you look so pretty I do huh yeah what are you reading today I was reading Psalms 79 that's a good one I like Psalm 79 I like Psalm 78 also yes I did eight first and then I did not yeah yeah that is so cool yeah it's a well-worn Bible this journey we're on right now a chapter in life is one that we didn't expect yeah I think my my first indication that there was something going on is during the pandemic as you remember taxes that year were delayed and I remember we were preparing our tax taxes and there was a a list of expenses that we had that debit done four times I found four different list of the same numbers that something something doesn't seem right here and that was when there was a lot of upheaval in the school systems because of remote learning and Deb was having to navigate between different facilities and she was just very very very busy fall our middle son was engaged to be married we had some relatives visit from outside of town and there was a conversation that Deb was having with one of her nieces and kind of out of the blue Deb asked the question that was something we just talked about so I was starting to get indications at that time and then later on through our children one of our relatives had asked is Dev okay and that that just led me to as ask myself I was something up here because I'm seeing other people seeing something just doesn't seem right so he started to go down the doctor route to get some investigations done get some you know opinions on what was happening and that U led to a series of doctor visits and second opinions and I I remember when I received the news from a psychologist that had done the final testing before getting a second opinion that that's what they thought was the diagnosis for de and the cause of a you know early onset Alzheimer's that first was devastating and I just because of everything going on the wedding and life in general trying to get the house ready to be sold finally a friend of mine from Grand Rapids asked to get together and I had kept everything in and we got together he asked me how things are going and I I couldn't hold myself in and I explained to him what was going on and I after that my world kind of caved in on me I think to the outside I probably looked okay but I was working so hard you know just to support Deb and do what I needed to do that I fell into a funk for probably good 16 months almost two years caregiver burnout is a very real thing um that caregiver stress is very high and oftentimes caregivers don't necessarily know that they are burning out or have that caregiver stress I think the first step for a caregiver experiencing that burnout or starting to question if they have that burnout is attending a support group support groups are wildly important in that support network for people to be able to uh meet other people outside of their family Network that are going through similar situations it's hard to give one piece of advice uh for them because they're not alone but they're not going to know that until they reach out to more than one entity don't think one organization or one person can satisfy your needs and support you build a tribe you know there's all kinds of organizations from the Alzheimer's Association the Alzheimer's Foundation um the dementia Society Alzheimer's speaks um there are a ton of people out there that have lived this life and want to support you um that are small entities facing a diagnosis like Alzheimer's dementia can be overwhelming but having a strong support system is crucial for both the person diagnosed and their loved ones I remember this from my own experience supporting my mom as caregiver for my dad that's when I realized how difficult it can be to find the right resources even when you work in the senior industry no one should have to go through this experience alone another important step is making thoughtful choices early on Dave and Deb made the difficult but necessary decision to downsize this kind of preparation can make all the difference as they face the road ahead downsizing is yeah horrendous it's overwhelming and I have to say that my dad after we we remodeled our house so originally when we bought it was like a 2400t home and in over a series of two remodels it swelled to 4200 fet he asked me if if I had plans to sell and he said you really need you really need to sell that house and get into something smaller and then our oldest son who was a little bit like me a strong personality started out saying Dad I think you really need to sell and it became a Little Bit Stronger message to the point of you need to sell so that was really I think a major impetus for us to to sell and then when Deb received her diagnosis it it hit a sense of urgency thinking that we really need to do something and houses just a lot to take care of well when we downsize from a 4200 squ ft home and a hunting cabin and a 24 by 44 garage this is what you get I can't tell you how much we sold how much we gave away how much we took to the D how much we truckload after truckload of stuff just given it away yes and we we still had this but we had 33 years of accumulation in a house right are you happy now that you started that process it feels good to get rid of stuff yeah it just something about just feeling like a moment of sheding right this is actually a blessing to be here this is this is a major blessing we we really enjoy it it's fun to be out in the country yes we do have a lot of snow to take care of and we do have a lot of yard to mow but we don't have any leaves to rake which we had a lot of and I I had a 15,000 gallon pond where we were at that took a lot of time so I actually see this as a little bit of a decrease in in the work that I was doing so it's it's not so bad and it's good to be active it's good to be outside I I actually learned a long time ago that I'm one of these people that needs to be outside what did you get for your birthday for my birthday I got a kayak one of our first dates was can in Boundary Waters this is something that you and Deb have done for a long time right so this is really important for you to keep doing with the Deb despite her having a diagnosis of early onset Alzheimer's right she really enjoys being outside and something we enjoy doing together it's easy to do it's just fun to be on water oh the sun came out it did come this way got it David's role as a caregiver extends Beyond supporting Deb he also looks after Deb's mother who's in her 90s as a male caregiver David is part of a growing number of men who are stepping into this vital role it's a powerful reminder that caregiving isn't defined by gender here we are in the waiting room at er we've been here since just before 11 o'clock tonight it's now about 3:00 a.m. Deb's mom had to be taken by ambulance to ER we're watching out for for Deb's mom yep so she has lived in her apartment now she had to moved from a two-bedroom to a one-bedroom apartment after her husband passed away Deb's father and she's lived here since 2010 and we're rather fortunate to have her close by she's yeah incredible lady very very strong they're going to keep her overnight for examination and an MRI in the morning so we're thankful that it's nothing more serious and she's actually sitting up and feeling pretty well I think regarding male caregivers the males that do come to the meetings and there's a few in each meeting are caring for their wives and I think there maybe are a lot more male caregivers but they stay at home and it's not part of the Macho thing to be a part of a support group and I think they more into the grin and Barrett and do it at home and I can do it alone and the males that are in our support groups talk about how resistant they were to come the first time and now they don't know what they do without the group I would like to encourage uh anyone who's providing care for somebody to try attending a caregiver support group to see if it's a place that is going to provide them with resources help them along their Journey so whether you're male or female whether you're a spouse whether you're a child whether you're a a child-in-law whether you're the friend if you're providing care regardless of the situation Reach Out reach out to the Alzheimer's Association to try and find a caregiver support group other organizations also offer caregiver support groups but reach out because they're important because it's the caregiving experience that is the common denominator the emphasis of a holistic approach to caregiving to me is that we know that caregivers are diverse they're diverse in many different ways certainly from racial ethnic background in terms of relationship to the person living with dementia in terms of their living situation many caregivers are long-distance caregivers versus caregivers who are living with the person who who's living with dementia so with that diversity in mind it's it's very important to understand there's no one siiz fits-all solution for many caregivers instead it's trying to identify as efficiently as possible the needs of caregivers and people living with dementia and then tailoring supports and services and when I say supports and services ideally it's tailoring those supports and services that have shown some degree of evidence in being effective and linking those specific uh packages of support and services to families I think in the end that's the philosophy under underlying this holistic approach to caregiving I think we're we're really fortunate we've got some good friends yeah a number of groups that were part of the group there in in Carlton family we've got some groups that were're a part of that are extremely supportive Alzheimer's can feel like a hopeless Journey but staying engaged and continuing to learn about the disease can make a world of difference for both the person diagnosed and their loved ones it's crucial to keep finding ways to connect adapt and explore new methods of care we have a number of classes that are offered through the Alzheimer's Association um not only here locally but also Nationwide from um our 10 warning signs class better understanding what are those warning signs as well as understanding Alzheimer's and Dementia just knowing the differences learning about the disease and also ways that you can uh support your brain health the association has 10 warning signs of Alzheimer's disease um many people often attribute this disease to just being memory loss you know we we think of that first but really that's memory loss that affects daily life so these are the changes and challenges that are happening every day making um activities of daily living really difficult lifestyle changes that would help reduce the risk of developing Alzheimer's disease are being researched quite a bit right now it's it's a Hot Topic um what we know is that what's good for the heart is good for the brain so doing those things that we already know eating balanced meals getting enough sleep exercising as well as being social what are ways that you're taking care of yourself I know that's a you know multi-level type of challenge there's the physical part there's the mental part there's the making sure I get to the dentist and the doctor and all those things one thing I like to do from a sanity point of view and just maintaining stress is I try to have time every morning just by myself where I get up early and read and and meditate and pray a journal journaling is a big part of my life in fact I have a a stack of journals that's like like this I've been doing it for for years that's a something I enjoy it's a way for me to transfer what I'm thinking down into paper and process things so I I like to do that in the morning sometimes for a couple of hours where I'll spend that that time by myself it gives Deb a chance to sleep a little bit longer make sure she gets her sleep and I don't seem to need as much sleep but I'm trying to watch that as well so I don't skimp on sleep I know it's important and then exercising one thing that it's really important for everybody one thing that but one thing that we realized recently is the value for Deb to get to like the gym and exercise frequently so that's actually been a benefit for me uhhuh because I need to you come too that's right so it's really important for us to to get to the gym and where we're living right now since we moved in downsize there's an absolutely incredible gym with a coach instructor that has somewhat taken Deb under her wings and it's a really cool relationship very good yeah so she kind of gets it all together and and she's really good at it and so she kind of that really works good for us all right we go the other way and the balance stand up tall here you go two what do you like to do what's what's kind of routine for you yeah well I like to start with the um things here that you can R run on or you know walk on or that and that's kind of a fun thing to do but it's also something that gets you going yeah and then I do that and then I go into the other room where all the other things that they're working on and so I kind of go and do that what I like to do is again start out aerobics yeah just to get warmed up and get the heart pumping yeah and I like to work on the weights and some of the U equipment on this side of the gym so I want to ask you you know what as a trainer why is it important for people I mean at any age but especially as we age why is it so important to stay active and to work out cuz I do believe we start losing muscle at a certain age and the more that muscle that we can keep and hold on to as we age will take us a lot further in life and be able to do our everyday things so I do like the weightlifting for the bones and the bone marrow there's so many different moving Parts in our bodies that need to work together and that is very metabolic our heart our lungs our muscles our digestive systems our brains we got to keep it all together working as one fine machine and when we're doing that um I've heard that it's also very good at preening injuries like Falls falling we work on balance so much um the different ways of balancing and um with the bands when I worked out with the bands and keeping all these muscles working in all the directions that they work yes we're connected from the top to the bottom and those are the things that keep us from falling yeah and all our strength N9 10 okay in the process of going there they said hey there's a program that you may want to check out and they meet on Wednesdays and this is the supervisor of the program at the gym he mentioned you want to just check out this event that happens on Wednesday afternoons it's called memory Cafe So after talking to a number of people we decided to check it out and it's been so much fun and there's a lot of good information and then with that program there are other support staff that will give me a call and just check in once a month or or so often send emails reminders on different things things I have probably thought about or cognizant of or maybe even realize how important they are so it's they reminders to do things but this event that happens on Wednesday afternoons memory Cafe it's a lot of fun it is I would say it's easy to run a program like this if you really have a heart for it and when you see the benefits that it does for our caregivers and our clients um it really does spur you on to want to do more even though we're very rural in a small town um we actually started a little bit bigger town and moved into this one just looking for space to expand our program um we do serve Three Counties however even though it's a small town our reach is very large staying active is essential for David and Deb helping them maintain both physical and mental well-being but beyond personal efforts organizations like the Alzheimer's Association play a critical role for those of us affected by the disease their mission is to accelerate Global Research Drive risk reduction and early detection and maximize quality care and support our vision is a big one we want to have a world without Alzheimer's or all other forms of dementia one of the biggest programs that we have that helps caregivers I believe is our toll-free 800 number answered 24 hours a day 7 days a week in 200 different languages we are there for the simplest question I'm noticing these signs I'm concerned about this behavior in Minnesota we have a little over a 100,000 people that are impacted dementia is the overarching term for cognitive decline Alzheimer's is a form of dementia and there are about 50 different forms of dementia Alzheimer's disease or any other form of dementia is a really challenging journey and the Alzheimer's Association is there to help people on that journey to help people live as well as they can with whatever form of dementia that they have to help them find resources and programs and support to be on this journey and to advocate for them to make sure that they have as many resources available Deb I is it okay if I ask you you know how how did it make you feel to get a diagnosis that affects you you know it's you mhm you know I I think I kind of talked or thought about it a little bit and then I just like okay I can just do whatever or you know not really that I don't want to do it but it's just that you know I just feel like well God has the spot for me and I can be be there and mhm you're just kind of handling it the best you can yeah mhm my long-term goal or the goal in period for Deb is to make sure she doesn't have to you know go into any kind of assisted living or anything like that you know keep her you know in a home environment as long as possible I think that's the healthiest thing to do and you know and I think she would do that for for me yeah so hun what do you have right here what do I have I have lots of jewelry what you do that you kind of like to wear around your neck mhm I have to tell you that I love you more than I have ever loved you in my entire life and much more than when was first married to [Music] you this episode was very close to my heart it allowed me to reflect on my own father's Alzheimer's Journey David and Deb are a beautiful example of resilience and love in the face of adversity their story reminds us of the importance of community support and being proactive in planning for the future next week we'll meet Rebecca and Jeff a couple navigating the complexities of managing Jeff's diabetes while at the same time caring for their adult son who lives with disabilities their story is a powerful reminder of the strength found in faith communities as well as the unique challenges that come with continuous [Music] caregiving production of inside Senior Living is made possible by Elder Mar Senior Living software helmouth and Johnson Lotus Pharmacy and kickernick gallery [Music]