[electronic music] ["“Die Fledermaus"” Overture playing] - Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

My name is Dr. Falke, otherwise known as Die Fledermaus.

Some time ago, my friend, Gabriel Eisenstein, and I went to a costume ball.

He was dressed as a butterfly, and I as a bat.

On the way home, I fell asleep.

My friend, Eisenstein, thought it would be a very clever joke to leave me draped around a lamp post.

I awoke to the jeers of hundreds of people laughing at me in my bat costume.

With the help of his wife, Rosalinda, I have been planning this evening for a long time.

I am here in Warden Frank'’s prison, and I invite you all to join me for the revenge of Fledermaus.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

(Music begins) (singing) ALFRED (heard from afar) Pretty dove that flew away, Calm my pain and anguish.

Pretty dove come back to stay, Please don'’t let me languish.

(bell rings) Fly to me my cooing dove.

Hear me, I implore you Rosalinda, thee, my love.

Now I kneel before you.

Rosalinda, thee, my love.

Darling I adore you.

- ADELE (singing high) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (vocalizes high notes) Here'’s a letter from my sister who is dancing in a show.

We'’re invited to a party And I hope that you can go.

Prince Orlovsky, a Russian millionaire, has what it takes to give a grand affair.

You must find a way to borrow one of your mistress's fun creations With every field imagination Enough to cause a mild sensation.

(giggles) Whatever, by tomorrow you may have a signature of a dancer.

She says I don't have to answer.

Oh, I would love to go if only find a way.

But my mistress will say no.

What can I say to get away?

What can I say?

Could I be that pretty dove.

I would fly to skies above.

Free to follow all my wishes.

Never more to do the dishes.

What a trick that fate has played.

Making me a chambermaid.

Just a lowly chambermaid.

(cries) - Adele?

Adele?

Adele!

- Yes, Madam?

- Is my husband home yet?

- No, Madame.

But I just received a letter from my poor, sick aunt.

She wants me to visit her this evening.

May I?

- Impossible.

My husband is leaving tonight for jail.

- For jail?

But why, Madame?

- Because he's a stubborn, pig-- he's a man of principle.

He doesn't believe in paying taxes, so he doesn't pay them.

- But Madame, my poor, sick aunt!

- I'm sorry, but your aunt will just have to be sick without your help.

- Oh... (cries) (singing) Fly to me my cooing dove.

Hear me, I implore you.

Rosalinda, thee, my love.

Now I kneel before you.

- How amusing these street singers are.

For a moment, it sounded like my old lover, Alfredo.

It couldn't be.

- (singing) Rosalinda, thee, my love.

Darling I adore you.

- Good Lord!

It is Alfredo!

If only he would lose his voice, I still find his high A irresistible.

But he wouldn't dare serenade me now that I'm married.

- Rosalinda!

- Alfredo, go away!

- (speaking Italian) - Oh Alfredo, do be still.

This is no place to vocalize.

My husband may come home any minute.

- He'’ll love my voice!

- Don't be absurd!

You must leave immediately!

- I'll not leave until you promise to see me tonight after your husband has gone to jail.

- How did you know that?

- Your husband's affairs are common knowledge.

Now swear to me, (speaks Italian) - All right, anything.

But please, please go.

- I go, I go.

(singing in Italian) - Alfredo, what an extraordinary high A!

- (Offstage) If you think I'm going to pay you for that, you're crazy!

- My husband.

(singing) Who could ever be acquitted with a lawyer so half-witted.

He's the one they should indict.

- Should indict.

- Should indict.

- He was worse than I expected.

When they freed me, he objected.

And you tell me not to fight?

- She is right.

- You are right.

What do you mean?

- I have to spend more time in jail.

- Whatever for?

- It'’s all a lie.

- You soon will see.

- A weekend, too?

Whatever for?

- He has no brain.

- You have no reason to complain.

- I've had about enough of you.

There is no excuse for all your bumbling.

- The only thing you do is grumble.

- Will someone please tell me what's wrong?

- My lawyer lost my case in court.

- That'’s right, but you should be a sport.

- You'’re bound to be the death of me.

- But not until I get my fee.

- You'’ll get what you deserve.

- You'’ve got enough of nerve.

- I'd like to punch your nose.

- Why not, you rubber hose.

- (both) When this is over, I'll prove I am completely through with you.

- Stop it now.

I'm sure there's nothing you can do.

It would be best to go away.

It is not safe for you to stay.

- I would suggest you go away.

- I want my pay.

(singing over one another) - So go away.

- Just go away.

- I'll go away.

- You can come back another day.

- My dear, don't blame poor Doctor Blind.

Although the judge has been unkind this gross injustice can be mended.

You have this only frightful five long days to wait.

- Five days, did you say?

Now it is eight, because my sentence was extended thanks to my lawyer'’s great debate.

And so tonight I must appear, or else the jailer will come here.

- That is too bad.

I can't deny it.

- It'’s true.

- Oh my darling Gabriel, they have not treated you too well.

Until the moment that they free you, I'll come each day to see you.

- Would that any other advisor, would that have been wiser not to try the case at all?

- Yes, he has a lot of gall.

- Did you call?

- No I didn't.

- How I'd like to make you crawl!

- When they throw you into jail, I will get you out on bail.

I'll prepare a new appeal.

I truly cannot fail.

- Though you try both day and night, you've never done a thing that's right.

(singing over one another) - (together) Who could ever be acquitted with a lawyer so half-witted.

He's the one they should indict, should indict.

He'’s worse than I expected.

You'’re not right.

You'’re not right.

You'’re not right.

You'’re not right.

You'’re not right.

(song ends) - (spoken) Poor Gabriel.

Eight long days without you.

I shall be inconsolable.

- I hope so.

Why are you crying?

- My poor, sick aunt.

- Again?

- She may be dead by now.

- I shouldn't be a bit surprised.

But before you go into mourning, would you mind bringing us our dinner?

Oh, and Adele, try to find me something appropriate to wear in prison.

It's my first contact with the underworld, and I don't want to look too out of place.

- I'm sure you won't, sir.

I mean, I'll do my best.

Dr. Falke.

- So clever of you to get rid of this buffoon for eight captivating days, my dear.

- Damn.

- Oh, don't antagonize him.

Doctor, do be a dear and try to cheer him up while I see about our dinner.

- That's precisely why I'm here.

You and I are going to a party tonight.

- Oh, sorry, but I have a previous commitment.

- Nonsense.

You don't have to be in jail before midnight.

Besides, this is a costume ball, so no one will recognize you.

It's at Prince Orlavsky'’s, and you know what an eye he has for beautiful women.

- Now there is a true connoisseur.

- Exactly.

And one in particular would be of special interest to you tonight.

An Hungarian Countess.

- Hungarian?

- A bewitching, mysterious little morsel.

And eminently respectable.

- Respectable Hungarian?

- I thought you'd be interested.

- Mildly.

But I could never get away with it, could I?

- My dear man!

With your infinite wit, you can get away with anything.

By the way, do you still have that fascinating little toy the ladies always find so attractive?

- I'd never be without it.

This little watch has one more heart than Don Juan, and it would be delightful to use it again.

- Then you'll come with me?

- Well.... - (singing) Come with me.

You will see.

That is where you should be.

Let's delay incarceration with a little celebration.

We have time for one more thing before they clip your wings.

Think of all the ladies you will meet so delectable and spritely.

Who resist, but oh so slightly, when you sweep them off their feet.

Can'’t you see them, soft and sweet.

What a treat.

We'’ll go on a bend, and we'’ll wine and dine.

The girls will surrender to your subtle like.

The hours will fly till the break of day.

So lock up your cares, it's the only way.

You can'’t go to jail bearing such a grudge.

By morning you'’ll even love the judge.

Don'’t you agree?

- Must I agree?

- You must agree.

Don't you agree?

- I must agree.

What of my wife?

We'll have to deceive her.

- Give her a kiss before you leave her.

Tell her, "I'll miss you pretty kitten."

- Yes, yes, my kitten, I shall say, "“My little kitten.

"” - - Little kitten.

- (together) While the cat is sleeping, the mouse will run and play.

- Then after the sad farewell, she'll think you're locked in your cell.

She'll think you are locked in your cell.

- (together) She'll think you (I) are (am) locked in your (my) cell.

- You'’ll go as a noble Frenchman.

Marquis de Renard will be your name.

You will be safe if we disguise you.

You'’ll come?

- It is quite a temptation.

- You must.

- Not so fast.

- They won't recognize you and you need some recreation.

- I agree.

I agree.

We'll fool them all the night.

- And you'll go to jail with a lighter heart.

- Yes, I'’ll go to jail with a lighter heart.

Tonight I will play a different part.

- Tonight you will play a different part.

Agreed then?

- How can I refuse?

I will come with you.

- And he'’ll regret it before he is through.

- I am going to a ball where it is my happy duty to report myself is guilty.

But I will try to love them all.

- (together) We are going to a ball where it is our happy duty to report ourselves too guilty.

We will love them one and all.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Laaaaaaa laaaaaaaa.

- Oh.

Are we having a celebration?

- Just following your orders, my dear.

Now I must be going.

Good night, lovely lady.

Good luck, old boy.

Remember Marquis de Renard.

- This is an amazing transformation.

- One should always face misfortune philosophically, my pet.

Oh!

Yuck!

What in the world is that?

- Clothes for prison, sir.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That will never do, girl.

Falke said I'd probably meet many politicians in jail, and I must make an impression.

Excuse me, sweet angel, while I go and get dressed for prison.

- How very odd, I suppose.

He knows what he's doing.

- (Alfredo singing in Italian) If only Alfredo weren'’t so irrepressible.

He may come charging in any moment.

Now, how can I get rid of Adele for the evening?

Oh, of course.

Her poor, sick aunt.

Adele?

Adele!

- Yes, Madame?

- How is your aunt?

- What aunt, Madame?

- Your poor, sick aunt.

- Oh, very poor.

Very sick.

- I thought so.

I think you should have the night off to take care of her.

- But you said-— - Never mind what I said.

Just do as I say.

Do you understand?

- (singing) Rosalinda!

(Italian words) - I certainly do, Madame.

- Well, how do I look?

How do I look, my love?

- Oh, so handsome, so elegant.

- Then I'll be going.

- Without your dinner?

- My heart is too full.

Goodbye, pretty kitten.

- I can't bear it.

(music starts) - How can I live without you, forsaken and alone?

Every night, I'll dream about you.

Such grief, I've never known.

I shall not know the sunlight.

No more doth farewell.

let my love be the one light to brighten up your stay.

At the breakfast table, I will see your empty chair.

Who will pass the cream and sugar?

My husband is not there.

My tears will fall every time I think of you.

I'll drink my coffee black and bitter.

- Oh dear!

What shall I do?

- (all three) Oh dear!

What shall I do?

What shall I do away from you?

I think my heart will break in two.

What shall I do away from you?

My heart will break in two.

What shall I do away from you?

I think my heart will break in two.

What shall I do away from you?

I heart will break in - - My dear, Auf Wiedersehen.

It's time to say goodbye.

- My hopes were all in vain.

- I think that I may cry.

- Auf Wiedersehen, farewell.

- (two women) Auf Wiedersehen, farewell.

Auf Wiedersehen, farewell.

- We'll guard your home for you.

We are loyal, brave, and true.

- (two women) We'll guard your home for you.

- (all) Oh dear!

What shall I do?

Oh dear!

What shall.

I dooooo?

What shall I do away from you?

I think my heart will break in two.

What shall I do away from you?

My heart will break in two.

What shall I do away from you?

I think my heart will break in two.

What shall I do away from you?

My heart will break in two.

Will break in two.

Will break in two.

Will break in two.

Will break in twoooo.

- Thank heavens he's gone.

Now I can decide what to do about Alfredo.

- You called?

Come, my darling, let me sing for you.

(sings in Italian) Wasn't that beautiful?

And you have prepared a feast!

Champagne, roast pheasant, soft lights.

Music of the angels.

My voice.

(vocalizes) - Put that down!

Take that off!

What are you doing?

Have you lost your mind?

- A tenor doesn't need a mind.

A toast to tenors, and to love.

(sings in Italian) - Don'’t sing.

Don'’t sing, please.

You know what you're singing does to me.

- Yes.

- (singing) Drink, my darling.

Drink, my sweet.

Feel your heart began to beat.

Let's forget that you'’re a wife.

Drink to all the facts of life.

Love is just a dream you dream in the lap of life.

Love is never what it seemed when it sees the light.

Come my darling take a chance.

You'’ll forget the vows you swore when you learn that true romance leaves an open door.

Let us dance.

Let sing.

Who knows what tonight will bring.

Let us dance.

Let sing.

Who knows what night will bring.

Bring, bring, bring, sing, sing, sing, sing, drink with me.

Sing with me.

La la, la, la, la, la.

- (vocalizes) - (together) Let us dance.

Let sing.

Who knows what tonight will bring.

Let us dance.

Let sing.

Who knows what night will bring.

(song ends) - (off stage) Oh just leave it outside.

I'’ll be with you in a moment.

- Oh, no.

I hear voices.

Someone is coming.

What on earth do we do now?

- Here, let me show you.

- Oh Alfredo, not now!

- Good evening, madame.

May I introduce myself?

I am Prison Warden Frank and I have come here myself to have the honor of escorting your reluctant husband to my humble prison.

- But you don't understand.

- Drink, my darling.

Drink, my sweet.

Feel your heart begin to beat.

- Don't you ever stop singing?

- Darling, I'm just beginning.

(singing) Bring, bring, bring, sing, sing, sing, sing, drink with me.

Sing with me.

- Shall we be going?

You see, I'm in a bit of a hurry.

I'm going to this party and-— - Noooo.

Let us dance.

Let us sing.

Who knows what tonight will bring.

- (laughs) Very funny.

Very funny indeed.

But we really must be going.

- Drink with me.

Sing with me.

Sing, sing, sing.

- (both singing) Let us dance.

Let us sing.

Who knows what tonight will bring.

Let us dance.

Let us sing.

Who knows what night will bring.

- (singing) You see, I enjoy a glass of wine.

Now will you come with me Herr Eisenstein?

- What shall I do?

- I am not Mr. Eisenstein!

We're not even related.

- That cannot be.

- I am not he.

- Then you are not mated?

- Pretend we are.

Do this for me.

- They're acting quite suspiciously.

- Good sir, I'm sure you do not mean to question this domestic scene.

That isn't very nice.

I am in my society the mother of propriety.

An enemy of vice.

No suspicion would arise if you only used your eyes.

My négligée is delicate.

I greet him with a kiss.

(?)

A perfect picture of wedded bliss.

- (Singing over one another) A perfect picture of wedded bliss.

- No, no.

You must be Eisenstein.

If I'’d shown any doubt.

Please come with me Herr Eisenstein.

Give her a kiss good night.

- A kiss good night.

- A kiss good night.

- A kiss good night.

- All right.

If it is so, you have your kiss, now go.

- Please follow me outside.

We will catch a ride.

You've had your kiss.

Let's go.

I have a lovely little jail.

It's just across the street.

With padded cells and feather beds, and chambermaids petite.

I have an opening for you.

It is my favorite room.

It has a carpet wall to wall, a private bathroom down the hall.

I grant you special privileges and leave the door unlocked.

- If it must be, I will agree.

- Oh unmistole.

- It shall be so.

- Now let us go.

- I must demand the right to kiss my wife goodnight.

- Be off, good sir, you've had enough.

- Just one more kiss will make me tough.

- Enough, enough, you mustn't falter.

- (Italian) Before I leave... - Enough domestic bliss, my friend.

The day is coming to an end.

Enough.

There's no more time.

- (both) He has a lovely little jail.

It's just across the street.

With padded cells and feather beds, and chambermaids petite.

He have an opening for you.

It is his favorite room.

It has a carpet wall to wall, a bathroom down the hall.

- (singing over one another) (song ends) (laughing) (grand music playing) - Oh, what a lovely party!

- We'’ve all been expecting you!

- (all singing) What a night!

What a ball!

And to think, it's just beginning.

We pretend to be missing.

We will dance until we fall.

Something will disappear in this enchanting atmosphere.

Once we leave the party, life begins anew.

A good night.

A good night.

A good night.

A good night.

A good night.

What tonight!

What a night!

With a forest of laughter, we must dance until we fall.

The magic hour quickly can pass.

and happiness will soon take flight.

(all singing together) (song ends) - (spoken) I am bored.

- Good evening, Your Highness.

- Dr. Falke, I am bored to tears.

Everything bores me.

I am so rich, it makes me sick.

- I should be only too happy to relieve you of your malady, Your Highness.

- Amuse me tonight, Dr. Falke, and you can write your own prescription.

- Agreed.

I have arranged a little comedy for you.

I call it The Bat'’s Revenge.

- Bats bore me.

- There are two of my principals now.

- It would appear that I'd underestimated bats, yes?

- I'll introduce you.

Good evening, ladies.

Come and meet your host, Prince Orlovsky.

Don't worry, Adele.

I won't give you away.

Your Highness, allow me to introduce Ida of the ballet and her sister, Tanya.

- Tanya?

- An actress.

- An actress?

What show are you playing here?

- She plays the maid in a domestic farce.

- Indeed!

Actresses are lucky for me.

Take these.

I'll meet you in the game room later, eh?

- That was the prologue.

Miss Tanya is, in reality, the chambermaid of our hero.

- (off stage) Oh, there you are, Dr. Falke.

I've been looking for you.

- Enter our hero.

- Dr. Falke, where all those lovely women you promised me?

- They're in the gambling room.

But first, let me introduce you to your host, Prince Orlovsky.

Your Highness, allow me to present the Marquis de Renard.

- It is an honor, Your Highness.

- Yes.

You are aware of the rules of the house, of course.

- The rules, Your Highness?

- I shall explain.

Pay attention.

(song begins) Perhaps you've heard of laissez-faire, which means let things alone.

I carry it further, just a hair and let bygones be gone.

The essence of my rule is this: that each one does his thing.

In other words, there are no rules.

It's just a happening.

For instance, if you are in debt to me, I won'’t take you to court.

I settle debts with Russian roulette.

It is my favorite sport.

I settle debts with Russian roulette.

It is my favorite sport.

For me it has some merits.

I keep from getting bored.

I keep from getting bored.

I hope that you will share it.

(singing French) I hope that you will share it.

(singing French) (song ends) - Here's your purse, Your Highness.

It'’s the only thing we didn't lose.

- Adele!

- Oh, no!

- Marquis!

Allow me to present Miss Sally and Miss Tanya.

- Tanya??

- Marquis??

- What is the matter, Marquis?

- Oh, nothing, Your Highness.

It's just the resemblance.

- Resemblance to what?

- Our chambermaid.

(laughter) (song begins) - (singing) This is the first real laughter that I have laughed in years!

- You really shook the rafters.

- (Chorus singing) Oh dear, oh dear.

The Prince is all in tears.

- See this delightful creature.

Our dear Marquis thinks she is-- Oh, no.

I can't believe it.

- Who is she?

- Wait and see.

- He takes me for a chambermaid?

Out at a masquerade?

- (laughing) - That'’s really quite amusing!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

- My dear Marquis, how ungallant.

How could you be so naughty?

How ungallant.

- (all) How ungallant.

How ungallant.

- Amazing similarity.

- (all) How ungallant.

How ungallant.

- This truly is a joke on me.

(everyone laughing) - My dear Marquis, it is plain to see your eyesight'’s beginning to fade.

How beat on me when you look at me you see a chambermaid.

Is her hand so silken and white?

Hahaha.

Is her step so graceful and light?

Hahaha.

The full-line of a muffle, the swaying of a bustle, are things you should compare before you dare to swear.

That I could be a maid at this elite affair.

And yet I thank you, dear Marquis, for causing such hilarity.

You'’re a silly.

Hahaha.

What a blunder.

Hahaha.

Please forgive me.

Hahaha.

You're a wonder.

Hahaha.

- (Chorus) What a blunder.

Hahaha.

You're a wonder.

Hahaha.

Hahaha.

Hahaha.

- (Vocalizes) (everyone laughing) - Now we meet the next character in our farce: Prison Warden Frank.

He's disguised as a chevalier.

- But how does he fit in?

- His prison is supposed to be occupied by our hero tonight.

- Oh excellent!

- Shall I call him over?

- If you wish.

- Chevalier Shagrad.

- (Offstage) Good evening, Doctor.

- Meet your host, Prince Orlovsky.

- Welcome.

You have met your compatriot, Marquis d Renard?

- You can speak your native tongue with him.

- Oui!

- Bon.

- Men of few words, n'est pas?

- Yes, I'm sure it's just fate these two gentlemen haven't met before.

I'm sure they both will become inseparable.

(laughing) - Bon.

- Oui.

After you, Marquis.

- After them, Chevalier.

- Now what, Doctor?

- Now we meet our leading lady: Our hero'’s wife disguised as an Hungarian Countess.

- Excellent.

Come, everybody.

This deserves watching from a better perspective.

- Is it true what you wrote in your note?

- See for yourself, dear lady.

I would say your husband is enjoying his incarceration.

- The monster, the lecherous wretch!

And who's that with him?

Well, she looks exactly like our chambermaid.

- Yes, doesn't she?

- It is Adele!

Oh the humiliation!

Wait till I get my hands on her.

- Careful.

Here they come.

- Your watch seems to draw women like a magnet, Marquis!

- I find it useful.

Look, that must be the Countess Falke told me about.

He's right.

She is ravishing.

Perhaps my little watch would amuse her.

Excuse me, Chevalier.

You understand.

- What a nobleman.

- Dearest Countess, allow me to take the liberty of introducing myself.

The Marquis de Renard.

- Ah, so.

- Allow me to say, Madame, that you are the most beautiful, the most enchanting, the most desirable lady at this ball.

- (with an accent) So what a charming watch!

Does it work?

- It never fails, Madame.

(song begins) (singing) She's a vision.

No, a goddess.

And I must be her Adonis.

Such a heavenly creation must have come from paradise.

I am sure she is divine.

In an instant, with insistence no resistance.

Will not last.

Very soon she will see what my little toy can do.

As I wind it, she will find it.

Lady, you will be forever mine.

(bell rings) - Sir I beg you to be gentle.

I have led a sheltered life.

- Oh my darling, I adore you.

And I want you for my wife.

- Please I beg you to be gentle.

Please take pity on my heart.

I can feel it madly beating like it never has before.

- There your heart beats, I adore.

- Will you listen to the beats?

Will you listen?

Will you listen?

(singing over one another) - One, two, three, four.

- Five, six, seven, nine.

- Wait, you're doing fine.

But let the eighth before the nine.

- It's just that I'm not so strong.

Perhaps you'll help me.

- Help you how?

- By calming the beats of my heart and let me listen to your watch.

It won't take very long.

Then let us begin, my dear Marquis.

- Let us begin.

- (both) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.... (singing over one another) - I'll take a half a million more.

- I'll put your watch where it belongs.

- But that is not where it belongs.

Give it back.

- I'll wear it forever.

- But that's not fair!

- I'll cherish it ever.

(vocalizes) - Oh dearest watch, I must get you back again.

Oh dear, oh dear.

Every other time I used it, no one ever had the gall.

She won't give it back to me.

What shall I do?

Oh dear.

(Song ends) - That must be the Countess.

- Ooh!

Let's get her to unmask so we can see her face.

- Oh, Countess, won't you take off your mask?

- No, my friends, no!

In my house, every lady has the right to cover or uncover as much as she likes.

- I bet she isn't a real Hungarian countess.

I bet she isn't even Hungarian.

- You are impertinent!

- Oh, you are a phoney!

If you're really Hungarian, why don'’t you prove it?

- I should be delighted to turn you into goulash!!

- Come, come ladies.

No fighting.

- Very well, then.

I shall let the music of my homeland prove my birthright.

(song begins) - (singing) Hungary, my homeland, you fill me with longing.

Memories come flooding and fill my eyes with tears.

Memories of midnight muses.

Your home is here.

The homeland.

The sunlight.

The water is clearer.

The sky is bluer.

Oh how I wish I were there.

Why did I ever run from the comfort of my happy home?

Now, if I were home no matter where I I wander (vocalizes) I wish that I were under my own stars.

My star.

- (spoken Hungarian) - (singing in Hungarian) (song ends) - Brava, Countess!

I propose a toast to Hungary.

- (all) To Hungary!

- You are too kind, Marquis.

I propose a toast to France.

- (all) To France!

- No, my friends, no.

I propose a toast to the king of this party: King Champagne!

(song begins) (everyone singing "“The Champagne Chorus"”) (Music changes to a moderate waltz) - (singing) Mon Chevalier, bon presente.

- Merci, merci, merci.

Please have another drink, Marquis.

- Merci, merci, merci.

- Here's to you, Chevalier and Marquis.

- (both) Merci, merci, merci.

- (all) Merci, merci, merci.

- Listen to me!

I have a plan.

- (all) Go ahead.

- I feel that all our wrongs may be righted if we by love are truly united.

I therefore suggest that we make one more toast to eternal love and brotherhood.

- To eternal brotherhood we swear.

- (all) To brotherhood we swear.

- Will you, pretty Countess, sing with me?

- My head is spinning.

My heart goes willing.

- Just follow me with a glass in hand, and everyone, let love take command.

- Brother dear, brother dear, and sister dear, as we all gather here... (everyone singing in a round) - for all eternity.

With sincerity.

To be bound in love forever.

First a kiss.

Just for you.

For you only.

First a kiss just for you.

You, you, you, you... (all vocalizing) (song ends) - I have arranged a special entertainment for you, my friends.

A ballet is going to perform.

(a stirring song plays) (song ends) (applause) (song begins) - It is time for us to dance.

Before we continue our singing and drinking, I want you all to dance with me.

- Yes and dance.

Yes and dance.

We shall join you in the dance.

(lively waltz plays) - Brother, brother, do you have the time?

I do not know what time it is.

- Brother, I cannot help you out.

For I have lost my little toy.

Time is running out.

Tell me you know that I adore you.

I implore, take off your mask so that I may see your face.

- If you will be patient, dear Marquis, the face I conceal you soon shall see.

- Ooh hoo!

Who might you be?

- Why do you ask?

Take off your mask.

- I can no longer bear it.

Countess, let me see your face - You have pushed me to disclose there's a blemish on my nose.

- Just how bad can a blemish be?

- Please be discreet, my dear Marquis.

- I must see your lovely face.

- He hasn't seen her lovely face.

- One, two.

Three.

Four.

Five, six.

- Get my hat!

Get my cape!

It is time to go!

- Get my hat!

Get my cape!

It is time to go!

- Hurry up, hurry up, we must not be late!

- This is not a time to tease!

- Hurry up!

Get my hat!

Please fetch me my hat!

- Get his hat!

Hurry up!

Get his hat!

Hurry up!

Get his hat!

Hurry up!

Get his hat!

Hurry up!

- I drink to you this glass of champagne.

- And I drink to you till we meet again.

- (both) Auf Wiedersehen.

- (all) Auf Wiedersehen.

Ha ha.

Oh what a night.

What a lovely ball.

(singing over one another) (laughing) - Ha ha ha ha.

- (singing drunkenly) Wine, women, and song I need all day long.

Wine, women, and song... My book.

Where's my book?

I've got to finish my dissertation tonight.

Nope.

(sings again) Augh.

Ooh.

Aw, wrong book.

Oooh, Susie.

Oh, here it is.

My book.

Nobody knows what a scholar I am.

Nobody knows.

Mm hmm.

Wowee!

Hmm.

It's amazing what a little learning will do for a person.

- (singing Italian opera) Jailer!

Jailer!

- I'm coming.

I'm coming.

- What time it is?

- Twenty sands past six.

- And what day it is?

- Sunday.

- What year?

- 1890.

- Well no wonder I'm a hungry.

Would you bring me a menu?

I'd like to have my breakfast.

- Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

- (singing Italian opera) (lip synching Alfredo'’s singing) - He sang all night.

He can sing opera in 15 different languages, and he sounds terrible in all of them.

(music plays) - (mumbles) (music plays underneath) (Jailers whistles along to the song) (snoring) (singing a capella ) - I say, old chappie.

Warden.

I say, Warden?

Warden!

I wish to make my report.

- Well make it.

But stop weaving.

- I'm not weaving.

I'm standing stiff as a statue.

- That's funny.

I thought you were waving.

Stop clowning around and make your report.

- That Eisenstein in number 12, he wants a lawyer.

- Well, don't stand there.

Go get him one.

- I did.

I called Dr.

Blind.

(bell rings) Ooh!

That must be him now.

Oh, he got pretty.

He got real pretty.

Ooh!

He looks like a beautiful lady.

He looks like two beautiful ladies.

- Those are ladies, you idiot.

Go.

Let them in.

- They said they wanted to see a Chandelier Shagrance, so I sent them away.

Oh!

- Oh, there he is.

What a cute apartment.

Are you surprised to see us?

- Ladies, I'm overwhelmed.

- See?

I knew he'd be glad to help us.

- Help you?

- I mean, you were so interested in my sister at the party.

I knew you'd want to help her now.

- Now?

- Thank you, Chevalier.

You saved my career.

- Oh, it was nothing, my dear-- your career?

What are you talking about?

- Sally, tell him.

- What my sister wants to tell you is she isn't really an actress.

- I never would have guessed.

- No.

I'’m only a chambermaid.

Mr. Eisenstein's chambermaid.

And I wore his wife's dress to a party, and didn't ask her permission.

And he knows that if she finds out, I'’m ruined.

- There there, my dear.

You want me to speak to him so you won't lose your job, correct?

- No.

I want to keep the dress.

It looks so good on me, don't you think?

- Ooh!

Now that you're going to develop her for the stage, she'’ll need beautiful dresses.

- Develop?

- Oh.

I was developed once by a nobleman.

Noblemen make actresses.

- But you need more than dresses for the stage, you know?

- Oh, you're so right.

But she has talent too.

Show him.

(song begins) - (singing) Every so often I practice the art of becoming an actress.

The secret of being a star.

It's not where you go, but how far.

Never, so ever did I comply because I was sheltered and shy.

My mama said to me, just be patient.

You'll see.

Work hard, Christine, and pretty soon, a star you'’ll be.

I went to school at Educolled, and walked with books upon my head.

(?)

And now I'm ready for a stage career.

(vocalizes) When I play a part, I display my heart by singing just a role or two.

Won'’t you take a chair just over there and I shall perform for you.

I am now Shakespeare'’s Juliet.

A pity you will not forget.

Romeo, wherefore art thou?

Please come.

Your Juliet loves you.

(?)

(vocalizing and mimicking a fife and drum) (song ends) - Brava - Will you help us?

- Well, you see, I-- (bell rings) What is it, Frosh?

- Warden, things are getting better and better outside.

There's a real Marquis outside.

- Good heavens!

Marquis de Renard!

Frosh, take these ladies to another room.

- I'’ll put them in cell 13.

Come along, ladies.

I'm sure you'll find our accommodations comfortable.

And the food isn't bad either.

Come along, ladies.

- I better let him in.

He's bound to find the truth out now.

- Chevalier!

What a delightful surprise!

What are you in for?

Do they always let prisoners back through the door?

The honor system, huh?

- Marquis, I have an embarrassing confession to make.

I am not a prisoner.

I'm not even a chevalier.

I'm only the prison warden.

- Oh, Chevalier, you either had too much champagne or not enough.

If you must have illusions, let them be grandeur.

Alexander the Great.

Napoleon.

- Marquis, this is very painful to me.

But you must believe me.

It's true.

I really am, Frank.

- Well, don't be too frank.

Wait till you hear what I've got to confess.

I'm not a Marquis.

- That's very kind of you, Marquis, but not at all necessary.

- No, it's true.

I'm-- Oh, this is so funny.

I'm Eisenstein.

- There, there, Marquis, you've given yourself away.

- How so?

- You'’ve chosen the wrong name.

It just so happens that I personally arrested Mr. Eisenstein last evening.

- Oh, very amusing.

Where did you find him?

- At his home.

Bensinger Strauss 19.

- Very good, and was he there?

- Yes.

He was sitting very comfortably in his dressing gown, having dinner with his wife.

- In my dressing gown?

With my wife??

- With his wife.

It was very embarrassing standing there while they kissed each other goodnight.

- Kissed each other goodnight??

I want to see that impostor!

- Impossible, Marquis.

No visitors without a permit.

(bell rings) - Warden.

You never told me this was Ladies'’ Day.

There's another one outside.

Should I lock her up?

- Of course not.

I'll tend to this myself.

Would you excuse me, my friend?

- So that's my reward for all those years as a faithful husband.

Cunning, deceit, treachery.

- Right this way, Mr.

Blind.

You wait here, and I'll go get Eisenstein.

- What's that idiot talking about?

You're here.

- Never mind that.

What are you doing here?

- You sent for me.

- No, that's like sending for a noose.

But as long as you're here, you might as well be useful.

Give me your glasses.

Come with me.

I have a plan.

- Well my good man, where is he?

Now this is degenerating to a boring adventure.

- He was here just a minute ago.

Yoo hoo!

Dr.

Blind..... - Rosalinda.

You'’ve come to visit me in my prison cell, just like Provatore.

(Sings in Italian) - Alfredo, we have no time for that now.

You must listen to me.

- I listen.

- You must leave at once.

- An enchanting thought.

- My husband may come in any minute and he mustn'’t see you in that costume.

- That's not too good.

He should see me as Radamez.

(Sings in Italian) - You called?

- Oh, Dr.

Blind, we desperately need help, even yours.

- How can I help you two unfortunate people?

(Song begins) - (both singing) I think we're in trouble.

- I must burst their bubble.

- Our problems feel double.

- Reduce them to rubble.

- I must move with caution.

- (Both men) I must move with caution.

- To serve with precaution.

- I must move with caution.

- (All) We must be discreet, or meet with defeat.

We must be discreet, or meet with defeat.

- I shall begin interrogation.

My court is now in session.

And now before a full confession, give me your full cooperation.

- It is a bit confusing and hard to figure out.

- I've been in here for hours.

What is this all about?

- That is precisely, absolutely why I'm here.

I'm here to justify your end.

(Gavel bangs) - A very strange thing happened to me just yesterday.

While dining with this lady, police took me away.

No one listened to my problem.

They put me in a cell.

- Continue with your story.

What else is there to tell?

- Just wait a moment, my good man.

It's I who should be angry.

- I beg your pardon.

Please excuse.

Emotions carry me away.

I never could offend you, no.

My task is to defend you.

(All singing over one another) - (all) We must keep him from being confused, or else we all will be used.

We must beware.

Be aware.

- The time has come for me to ask if there is something more.

Did anything take place last night?

You didn't say before.

- This is just a spectacle!

- Just wait.

- I'm asking for the details that could have helped before.

(Too low to understand) - I'm asking for the details that could have helped before.

I want the information and all the lurid details.

- The details?

- The details?

- The lurid details?

Kind sir, you underestimate the virtue of a loving wife.

But if the truth were known tonight, my husband should be here in sight.

The good and noble Eisenstein, respected man.

Is really just a little boy and welcome to his toys, I believe.

(?)

And after I slap his face with all my might, I will tell him what I think of him.

Once I slap his face with all my might, I'll tell them what I think of him.

- She'll slap his face with all her might, and tell him what she thinks of him, and then she'll leave him.

She'll slap his face with all her might, and tell him what she thinks of him, and then she'll leave.

- There you have a perfect case.

These are the facts you can't erase.

What's the Baroness to do?

Her revenge is overdue.

We will leave it up to you.

- That is too much!

- What you mean?

- It's not a game!

- For goodness sake, what is this all about?

- Now wait just a moment.

Signor, you go too far!

What is your real name, sir?

- I'm Baron Eisenstein.

- (both) The real Eisenstein.

The Baron Eisenstein.

- Yes.

Yes.

Eisenstein in all his glory.

Having listened to your story, know that you have tried your best to make a fool of me.

- (both) Eisenstein in all his glory.

Having listened to our story.

Now I don't know what is best to be.

- Eisenstein.

You will be.

- Brilliant of you.

Positively brilliant.

Your timing was superb.

- Where did you get that?

- Would you like to count the beats of my heart, Marquis?

- You??

I've been played for a fool!

- Typecasting.

- You keep out of this.

And take yourself out of my robe.

- I gladly give you back all that is yours.

Your robe, your wife, and your prison cell.

- Ha!

You start the sentence, now you finish it.

- Well, I see we've all been introduced.

How are you, Eisenstein?

- I'm not Eisenstein.

This operatic werewolf was arrested as Eisenstein, and he'll stay Eisenstein.

- Uno momento.

- Hold your tongue.

- Hold my tongue.

(Hits a high note) That works pretty good.

- Don't be silly.

We all know who you are, Mr. Eisenstein.

- Yes, but you can't prove it.

And a wife can't testify against her own husband.

- Warden, they wouldn't let me shave their heads.

- Mr. Eisenstein!

- Oh, no!

The whole world against me.

- Ha ha ha ha ha!

(All singing) - We've had an awful lot of fun.

Delighted not to fall for one.

As night turns into day.

- I'm totally confused and not a tiny bit amused.

Will somebody make it clear?

- Fledermaus has been revenged!

- (all) Fledermaus has been revenged!

And we celebrate this joke on you, as wits are lost, at this do we do.

- Will you please explain to me?

- Yes, indeed.

The pleasure's mine.

There's the bill for all the wine.

- (all) Yes we thank you for the wine.

- But the prince?

- It made me laugh.

- And Adele?

- My bet to have.

- All a joke?

- A mere pretension.

- And my robe?

- His invention.

- Oh how beautiful!

I love you!

I have been a silly fool.

Rosalinda, dear, embrace me.

- Now that everything is clear, let's have a celebration with some liquid libation.

- Stop!

What on earth do I do now?

- You have won my heart, my dear.

I shall treat you like a daughter and prepare you for the theater.

- Come with me my little pet.

I will make you a great suberette, and teach you Orlovsky's custom: (sung in French) - (all) And teach you Orlovsky's custom: (sung in French) - Champagne that lucky potion.

That sets the world in motion.

Before the final curtain, let's all once make quite certain.

We ask you all to join us and steal another toast.

To you, a toast.

His Royal bubbly highness.

We drink to Johann Strauss.

Salute the grape upon the vine, on the vine, on the vine.

From that fruit to golden wine, champagne, champagne.

- (all) Salute the grape upon the vine, on the vine, on the vine.

From that fruit to golden wine, champagne, champagne.

(song ends) (waltz plays)