>>> THANK YOU FOR JOINING US FOR NEXT UP.

THIS IS THE SEGMENT WHERE WE INTERVIEW COMMUNITY LEADERS ABOUT VARIOUS TOPICS.

I THINK YOU WILL FIND THIS SEGMENT NOTHING SHORT FASCINATI FASCINATING.

WE WELCOME JASON KANDER, HE HAS WRITTEN A BOOK.

AS IT TURNS OUT, THIS MAN WAS A FAMOUS MISSOURI POLITICIAN, STATE REPRESENTATIVE, SECRETARY OF STATE, RAN FOR U.S. SENATE, ALMOST WON AND RUNNING FOR MAYOR OF KANSAS CITY.

HE WAS LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE, HE WAS LIVING OUT IN THE PUBLIC AND BEHIND THE SCENES WAKING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT LOOKING FOR PEOPLE BREAKING IN, HE HAD INSOMNIA, ANGER.

WE WILL GET INTO IT.

WE'LL WELCOME JASON KANDER TO NEXT UP.

HOW ARE YOU?

>> I'M VERY GOOD.

I APPRECIATE IT.

>> THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS BOOK.

I THINK DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS WILL FIND IT HELPFUL.

IT DESCRIBES THE DIFFICULT MENTAL HEALTH CHALLENGES THAT YOU FACED AND FRANKLY, NO ONE KNEW ABOUT IT.

>> I APPRECIATE YOU SAYING THAT.

IT IS A BOOK ABOUT WHAT -- YOU ARE RIGHT, IT HAD GRATIFYING TO ME THAT PEOPLE ACROSS, NOT JUST POLITICS, ALL SORTS OF DIFFERENT SECTORS HAVE ENDORSED THE BOOK AND BOTH PARTIES HAVE TALKED ABOUT HOW VALUABLE THE BOOK IS.

YEAH, IT HAS BEEN SUCCESSFUL AND IT MEANS A LOT TO ME.

>> HOW MUCH DOES IT MEAN TO YOU, JASON, THAT IN THE AFTERMATH, WE HOPE, THAT THE WORST PART OF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC THAT YOU ARE SHARING YOUR STORY IN A WORLD THAT IS FAR MORE RECEPTIVE TO YOUR MESSAGE AND FRANKLY EAGER TO HEAR IT.

>> YEAH, I THINK THAT'S A GOOD POINT.

THERE ARE AWFUL A LOT OF US TO COME TO GRIPS WITH DEPRESSION DURING THE PANDEMIC.

I WAS THINKING ABOUT FIRST RESPONDERS, ANYONE IN THE MEDICAL PROFESSION.

AND TO BE HONEST, AND I AM PLEASED THAT THE BOOK HAS AN APPEAL AND USEFULNESS BEYOND COMBAT VETERANS, IT GOES WAY BEYOND THE PEOPLE WHO ARE DEAL WITH THE WORST PARTS OF COVID-19.

I HAVE HAD A LOT OF PEOPLE REACH OUT TO ME SAY THE BOOK HELPED THEM BECAUSE OF A CAR ACCIDENT OR LOSING A LOVED ONE.

AND SOME SAY IT HELPS ME UNDERSTAND SOMEBODY IN THEIR LIVES AND SOME PEOPLE SAY THEY ENJOYED THE BOOK.

IT HAS BEEN A RENEWED CONVERSATION ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH COMING OUT OF THE PANDEMIC.

TO THE EXTENT I CAN BE A HELPFUL PART OF THAT.

I AM HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

>> YOU ADDRESSED THE TOPIC.

AND I'M SURE PEOPLE ARE CURIOUS.

YOUR TRAUMA CAME FROM AFGHANIST AFGHANISTAN.

YOU SERVED FOR FOUR MONTHS AND YOU DIDN'T SEE COMBAT.

IT IS A FAIR QUESTION, HEY, HOW TRAUMATIC WAS IT FOR YOU?

>> IT WAS A QUESTION I ASKED MYSELF FOR 10 YEARS.

IT COMES DOWN TO HOW YOU DEFINE COMBAT.

I WAS TELLING MYSELF THAT I WAS NOT A COMBAT VETERAN BECAUSE I DIDN'T FIRE MY WEAPON.

IF IT WASN'T BLACKHAWK DOWN OR A BAND OF BROTHERS, THEN IT WAS NOT COMBAT.

I TALKED TO A DOCTOR, AND YOUR FRIENDS THAT WERE IN FIRE FIGHTS, WHAT DID THEY SAY YOU DID OVER THERE?

I WAS IN INTELLIGENCE, THEY SAY THEY COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT.

THEY ARE BEING NICE.

SHE SAID, I DON'T THINK THEY ARE BEING NICE.

LET ME OFFER THIS TO YOU; YOU WERE IN THE MOST DANGEROUS PLACE IN THE PLANET, YOU WERE OFTEN BY YOURSELF, YOU AND A TRANSLATOR, AND A PERSON THAT COULD BE LURING YOU IN A TRAP TO KIDNAP OR KILL YOU.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE BACK UP.

THAT'S A COMBAT VETERAN.

THAT IS TRAUMATIC.

AND SHE SAID WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK SO.

I THOUGHT I WAS A JERK WHO WENT TO MEETINGS.

YOUR FRIENDS THAT WERE IN FIRE FIGHTS THE REASON WHY THEY SAID THAT.

YOU CAME BACK AND WENT TO HIGH STAKES MEETINGS FOR YOUR WORK.

IT TOOK TIME TO ACCEPT THE IDEA THAT I WAS A COMBAT VETERAN.

THE REASON I WAS DENYING THAT TO MYSELF, ONE OF THE THINGS YOU LEARN WHEN YOU GO INTO THE MILITARY, NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, SOMEONE HAS IT WORSE.

WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS NOT THAT BIG OF DEAL.

SIT A NECESSARY PART OF BRAIN WASHING.

MAYBE IT IS A TRAP.

I GOT TO BELIEVE WHAT I'M DOING IS NO BIG DEAL BECAUSE I CAN'T KEEP BRINGING BACK INFORMATION FROM THE BAD CHARACTERS THAT ARE A THREAT TO OUR SIDE.

NOBODY TURNS THAT OFF WHEN YOU COME HOME.

I STILL BELIEVED WHAT I HAD DONE WAS NO BIG DEAL.

TO SAY TO MYSELF OR THE REST OF THE WORLD IT WAS PTSD, IT FELT LIKE STOLEN VALVALOR.

IT WAS TOUGH TO CONNECT IT.

>> DOESN'T THAT FALL INTO PLACE, DOESN'T IT MAKE IT WORSE THE PTSD?

THE FACT THAT YOU WERE SORT OF HAVING THIS STRUGGLE INSIDE.

I DIDN'T FIRE MY WEAPON.

BUT THAT IS COMBAT, AND THAT IS TERRIFYING.

YOU NEVER KNEW WHAT SOMEONE WAS CAPABLE OF.

YOU HAD THAT RAZOR'S EDGE PART OF IT.

AND I HAVE TO ASK YOU, BEING ABLE TO ASCERTAIN LEVELS OF CORRUPTION AND DISHONESTY, HOW DID THAT SERVE YOU IN YOUR, THE POLITICAL PART OF YOUR LIFE TO THIS POINT?

IT HAD TO BE INTERESTING AS AN INTELLIGENCE OFFICER TO HAVE THAT TRAINING AND TO BE ABLE TO SPOT SOME OF THE THINGS YOU WERE EXPOSED TO IN THE POLITICAL ARENA?

>> YEAH, IT WAS MOTIVATING IN A WAY.

NOT IN A GOOD WAY ALWAYS.

I DID THESE ANTI CORRUPTION CASES.

AND I GOT ELECTED TO THE HOUSE.

I WAS UPSET WHEN I GOT TO JEFF CITY AND FOUND THAT MY IDEALIZED OF AMERICAN POLITICS AND GOVERNMENT THAT I HAD GROWN UP, AND I HAD BEEN A POLITICAL SCIENCE MAJOR AND WEST WING CAME OUT AND I WAS IN COLLEGE AND I NEVER MISSED AN EPISODE.

I SAT MY CLOCK TO IT.

EVEN THOUGH I HAD NEVER BEEN TO AFGHANISTAN, I WOULD'VE STILL BEEN UPSET AND SEEN THAT MONEY RAN THINGS DOWN THERE.

AND I SAT ACROSS FROM AFGHAN OFFICIALS WHO WERE TRYING TO FIGHT THE CORRUPTION AND SAY IF YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY, YOU WON'T GET ANYTHING DONE HERE.

AND YOU GET TO THE LEGISLATURE AND NOBODY IS GETTING THEIR HEAD CUT OFF.

IT IS SIMILAR.

IT WAS DISAPPOINTING TO ME AND IT WAS A CONTINUATION OF MY DEPLOYMENT AND CONTINUING THE FIGHT.

THE PTSD ELEMENT OF IT I THINK THAT'S WHAT GAVE ME THIS EXTRA LEVEL OF RIGHTEOUS INDIGENATION FOR THOSE WHO STOOD IN MY WAY, IT WAS NOT ALWAYS HELPFUL, BUT PRODUCTIVE.

>> THIS IS HELPFUL, YOUR WIFE, DIANA, CONTRIBUTES WITH SOME OF THE CHAPTERS.

SHE GIVES HER SIDE OF THE STORY.

AT ONE POINT IN THE BOOK, SHE IS QUOTED AS SAYING TO YOU SHE WISHES THAT YOU COULD GIVE TO YOUR FAMILY THE VERSION OF YOURSELF THAT YOU GIVE TO THE PUBLIC.

TAKE US BEHIND THE SCENES.

WHAT VERSION OF YOURSELF WERE YOU GIVING TO YOUR FAMILY IN YOUR DARK MOMENTS?

>> YEAH.

THE BIGGEST PROBLEM I WAS HAVING AT THAT TIME, I SAY AT THAT TIME, FOR THAT DECADE, THAT I REALLY STRUGGLED TO BE PRESENTED.

IN THE MOMENT WHEN I WAS WITH MY FAMILY.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WENT INTO THERAPY AT THE VA, THERE WERE COUPLE OF THINGS I TOLD MY THERAPIST WHEN THEY SAID WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS?

WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR TREATMENT?

I WANT TO BE HAPPY WITHOUT EXTERNAL VALIDATION AND I WANT TO BE PRESENTED WITH MY FAMILY.

WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH ME, I NOW UNDERSTAND WAS, BECAUSE I HAD PTSD AND UNTREATED, AND I FELT LIKE I HAD TO BE ON GUARD ALL OF THE TIME, WHAT I WAS DOING IS IN SEARCH OF THAT ADRENALINE I HAD HAD OVERSEAS.

WHAT THAT WOULD DO IS QUIET THE DISRUPTIVE MEMORIES, THE INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS.

>> WHEN I WAS GOING TO GIVE A SPEECH, I WAS GOING ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, GIVING HUGE SPEECHES ACROSS THE COUNTRY, NATIONAL TV INTERVIEWS.

WHEN I WAS DOING THAT, I WILL GET A HIGH THAT WOULD LAST ME OVER TO THE NEXT ONE.

WHEN I WAS WITH ME FAMILY, IT WASN'T DOING IT FOR ME.

AND I HATED THAT IT DIDN'T.

IT CAUSED ME A TON OF SHAME.

I COULDN'T BE FULLY THERE WITH THEM.

THIS CAME TO A HEAD.

I GAVE A SPEECH IN NEW HAMPSHIRE.

IT IS THE I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

IT WAS WELL-RECEIVED.

THE HIGH LASTED 12 HOURS, I KNEW MY TOLERANCE WAS TOO GREAT AND SOMETHING WAS WRONG.

AND I WAS HAVING NIGHT TERRORS AND I WAS NEVER GETTING A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.

I WAS EXHAUSTED.

ANYTIME WHEN THE DOWNWARD TREND THAT LED ME TO THERAPY AT THE VA. AND NOW I'M IN A PLACE, I REFER TO THIS PLACE IN MY LIFE AS POST-TRAUMATIC GROWTH.

MY FAMILY IS NOT LIKE A POLITICIAN SAYS IT IS MY PRIORITY.

IT IS VERY MUCH MY PRIORITY.

WE HAD DINNER, I HAVE TO GET DOWN THERE IN 30 MINUTES.

THAT'S WHAT MY DAY REVOLVES AROUND.

>> YOU HAVE POINTED OUT IN SOME MANY INTERVIEWS AND IN THE BOOK AS WELL, THE IMPORTANCE OF WHEN IT COMES TO LEADERSHIP ROLES.

PEOPLE QUOTE TAKING CARE OF THEIR STUFF END QUOTE.

I THINK THAT IS ONE OF THE MANY TAKE--AWAYS FOR THIS BOOK.

NOT FOR PEOPLE IN LEADERSHIP ROLES, LIKE YOU SAID, PEOPLE STARTING FAMILIES, PEOPLE IN THE WORKPLACE, PEOPLE AS YOU HAVE POINTED OUT IN TINY WORKPLACES, PEOPLE IN GREAT BIG WORKPLACES.

YOU ARE TO BE APPLAUDED FOR JUST USING THAT PHRASE.

YOU KNOW, BECAUSE IT DOES APPLY TO EVERYONE, NOT JUST THE SOLDIERS AND NOT PEOPLE WHO ARE PUTTING THEMSELVES IN HARM'S WAY.

BUT ALL OF US.

RIGHT?

>> LIFE ISN'T EASY.

WE ALL SOME STUFF.

ONE THING THAT MY WIFE AND I HAVE LEARNED AND BEING PUBLIC, HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE DEALING WITH STUFF.

SO MUCH OF THE WORLD REACHED OUT TO US AND SHARED WHAT THEY WERE GOING THROUGH, INCLUDING PEOPLE THAT WE WERE CLOSE TO AND HAD NO IDEA WHAT THEY WERE GOING THROUGH.

WHEN YOU TELL THE WHOLE WORLD YOU HAD SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND NEED TREATMENT.

YOU BECOME A SAFE PLACE FOR PEOPLE TO SHARE.

I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING ABLE TO WALK INTO ANY ROOM AND HAVING THE UNDERSTAND, AT LEAST HALF OF THE PEOPLE THERE ARE DEALING WITH SOMETHING AND THE OTHER HALF HAVE SOMEBODY IN THEIR FAMILY THAT ARE DEALING WITH SOMEBODY.

I HAVE BEEN ASKED SEVERAL TIMES ABOUT DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF QUESTIONS ABOUT ME GETTING BACK INTO RUNNING, ONE OF THE VERSIONS I HAVE BEEN ASKED IS, SOME VERSION OF, IS THERE A PLACE FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE GONE TO THERAPY IN POLITICS.

I HAVE SAID, NO MATTER WHAT THE LEADERSHIP POSITION IS, I THINK IT IS VALUABLE, AND WE COULD USE MORE PEOPLE WHO HAVE ALREADY DEALT WITH THEIR STUFF.

IT IS NOT A QUESTION OF WHO HAVE STUFF, EVERYBODY HAS STUFF.

IT IS A QUESTION IF THOSE PEOPLE HAVE DEALT WITH THEIR STUFF.

I HAVE BEEN THE LEADERSHIP ROLES WHEN I HAVEN'T DEALT WITH MY STUFF.

AND I HAVE BEEN WHEN I HAVE.

I'M A BETTER HUSBAND, BETTER PERSON, FATHER, LEADERSHIP.

LITTLE LEAGUE COACH.

>> HE REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO SENATOR THOMAS EAGLESON.

WHAT HAS TAKEN THIS LONG, IT IS HEARTBREAKING, IT IS TERRIFIC THAT AT LEAST IT HAS HAPPENED.

THANK YOU FOR THAT.

>> YOU KNOW, THE THING ABOUT EAGLETON THAT PEOPLE SHOULD REMEMBER, HE SERVED A COUPLE MORE TERMS IN THE SENATE.

>> HE ABSOLUTELY DID.

>> I LIKE TO POINT THAT OUT.

PARTICULARLY FOLKS MY AGE, PEOPLE REMEMBER THAT AND WELL, THAT WAS THE END OF HIS CAREER.

IT IS IMPORTANT FOR PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND, THOSE WHO HAVE HAD MENTAL HEALTH CHALLENGES CAN BE EFFECTIVE IN ANY JOB.

AND HE WAS.

>> HE CERTAINLY WAS.

>> YOU HAD SOME EXPERIENCES IN AFGHANISTAN THAT THANK GOODNESS THAT WE HAVE NOT GONE THROUGH.

YOU WRITE ABOUT YOU ALMOST KILLED A DRIVER AND A YOUNG BOY AS WELL.

ARE YOU ABLE TO RELATE WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH ON THIS PROGRAM TONIGHT?

>> SURE.

YEAH.

I MEAN, REALLY, WHAT I TRY TO RELAY IN THE BOOK I TRIED TO SHARE SOME OF THE STORIES OF HOW PEDESTRIAN THE DANGER AND THE TRAUMA CAN BE WHEN YOU GO TO WAR.

IT IS NOT ALWAYS THE STUFF THAT YOU THINK OF IS LIKE, OH -- LIKE, IT IS NOT THE STUFF YOU SEE IN MOVIES OR READ ABOUT IN BOOKS.

IT IS NOT A TOM CLANCY NOVEL.

THE SECOND CHAPTER THAT I DEDICATE TO AFGHANISTAN.

I WANT THE BOOK TO BE FOR EVERYONE.

NOT FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE WAR BOOKS.

I REMEMBER IT WELL, NOT BECAUSE THE WEATHER WAS NICE.

THERE ARE A COUPLE OF CASES WHEN I WAS RE-EXPERIENCING STUFF, ONCE I WAS IN POLITICS, THAT I RELAIDRELAYED A COUPLE OF THINGS.

THERE WAS A SHUTTLE SYSTEM THAT WAS SUPPOSE TO TAKE PLACE THAT WOULD TAKE US BACK TO OUR SAFE HOUSES.

WE WERE NEVER SUPPOSE TO GO WITH THEM.

THERE WERE HIRED BY THE MILITARY.

BUT THERE WAS A CONCERN OF KIDNAPPING.

I WAS SO TIRED AND I HAD THREE HOURS BEFORE I HAD TO START WORKING.

THERE WAS NO ONE AROUND AND I JUMPED INTO THE VEHICLE.

HE TOOK A LEFT AND NOT A RIGHT.

THAT'S NOT THE ROUTE.

HE IS NOT RESPONDING.

I PUT THE GUN TO THE BACK OF HIS HEAD AND I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME TO MAKE THE DECISION BEFORE WE ROLL UP ON THE TALIBAN.

DO I HAVE TO BLOW THIS GUY'S HEAD OFF?

HE DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH.

THEY HAD CHANGED THE SAFE HOUSE.

NO ONE TOLD ME.

>> WITH THE YOUNG BOY.

WE WERE IN STAND-STILL TRAFFIC.

THE TALIBAN AND AL-QAIDA HAD A TACTIC THAT THEY HAD DEPLOYED, TO HAVE SUICIDE BOMBERS TO JUMP ON TO VEHICLES AND DETONATE THEMSELVES.

WE WERE AWARE OF THAT.

AND SOMEONE -- I WAS IN THE PASSENGER SEAT AND SOMEONE JUMPED ON THE DRIVER'S SIDE AND I RISED MY RIFLE AND IT WAS A BOY.

VERY SCARED.

HE WAS JUST A BOY MESSING AROUND BECAUSE WE WERE MOVING SLOWLY.

THANKFULLY, FOR ME, MY BRAIN PICKED UP ON THAT IN TIME.

I WAS ABLE TO SEE THAT IN TIME AND STOP SHORT OF FIRING.

THERE WERE A LOT OF TIMES FOR ME DURING THAT 10-YEAR PERIOD BEFORE I GOT TREATED, MOMENTS LIKE THAT WHEN THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD CONTROL, AND YOU KNOW, THERE WAS A TENSE SITUATION, WAITING ON ELECTION RESULTS.

AND I WOULD SEE THE FACES OF THOSE PEOPLE.

AND THERE WERE SITUATIONS LIKE THAT.

MOST OF WHAT CAUSED MY TRAUMA BEING IN MEETINGS AND JUST THE EFFECT OF THERE IS A DOOR I CAN'T SEE AND THERE IS A GUY THERE AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT SIDE HE IS ON.

THIS GUY IS GIVING INFORMATION.

AND I'M THINKING ABOUT WHAT I AM GOING TO DO IF THAT DOOR OPENS.

>> WHAT ARE YOU HEARING FROM OTHER VETERANS WHO HAVE READ THE BOOK, JASON?

AND IF YOU COULD, EXPLAIN TO OUR VIEWERS HOW IMPORTANT THE PLIGHT OF HOMELESS VETERANS.

YOU ARE CONCERNED ABOUT THE HOMELESS IN GENERAL.

SPECIFICALLY HOMELESS VETERANS.

>> YEAH.

YOU KNOW, SOME OF THE REACTIONS THAT MEANT THE MOST TO ME ARE FROM THE VETERANS.

YOU KNOW, THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE BOOK FOR VETERANS OR ANYONE WHO NEEDS TREATMENT, I LET PEOPLE INTO THOSE THERAPY SESSIONS.

I USED MY THERAPIST'S NOTES WORD OR WORD AND I USED THOSE IN THE BOOK.

I WORK HARD TO MAKE THERAPY ACCESSIBLE AND NOT THREATENING.

>> THE TWO STORIES I TOLD YOU AND I DON'T SWEAT AND HAVE MY HEART RACE IS BECAUSE I HAVE DONE IT IN THERAPY SEVERAL TIMES.

I HAVE PROCESSED THOSE THINGS.

BUT I WENT SEVERAL YEARS NOT PROCESSING THOSE EXPERIENCES AND TRIED HARD NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT.

AND TRYING TO SHOW THAT IN THE BOOK.

I THOUGHT I WAS SUCCESSFULLY AVOIDING THE THOUGHTS.

I WAS HAVING NIGHTMARES BECAUSE OF I WAS NOT PROCESSING IT.

YOU LET YOUR GUARD DOWN WHEN YOU ARE ASLEEP.

IT HELPS PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD TRAUMA.

THIS BOOK IS A STORY THAT I NEEDED TO READ 14 YEARS AGO WHEN I CAME HOME.

HAD I HAD ACCESS TO THIS STORY, I WOULD'VE GOTTEN STORY 14 YEARS AGO AND MY PROBLEMS WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN AS BAD AS THEY DID.

>> I APPRECIATE THE HOMELESS.

I AM THE PRESIDENT OF THE VETERAN EXPANSION PROJECT.

WE DEAL WITH THE SUICIDE BY BUILDING OUTREACH WALK-IN CLINICS.

WHAT WE ARE KNOWN FOR, WE BUILD VILLAGES OF TINY HOUSES AND START THE TRANSITION FOR HOMELESS VETERANS AND GET THEM BACK TO BE CONTRIBUTING MEMBERS OF SOCIETY.

WE HAVE AN 85 PERCENT OF SUCCESS RATE AND WE ARE BUILDING IN SEVERAL CITIES.

ONE IS IN ST. LOUIS.

ONE IN NORTH ST. LOUIS.

IT IS GOING TO BE THE BEST CAMPUS WE HAVE A GREAT STAFF THERE ALREADY AND WE WILL BE SERVING HOUSING VETERANS BY THE END OF THE YEAR.

>> JASON, HOW CLOSE DO YOU GET TO SUICIDE?

>> CLOSER THAN I WOULD LIKE.

BUT, YOU KNOW, I HAD WHAT GENERALLY IS SUICIDAL IDEATION.

TO SAY I WAS HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS.

IT IS A WAY TO SAY I WAS HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS.

I DECIDED TO GET HELP.

I WAS SCARED BECAUSE I WAS HAVING THESE THOUGHTS MORE OFTEN.

LIKE THE MAYORAL RACE IN KANSAS CITY WAS GOING WELL.

WE WERE GOING TO WIN.

I SHOULD BE NOT FEELING NOT WORSE EVERY DAY.

BUT I AM.

I WAS THINKING MORE AND MORE ABOUT SUICIDE.

I FELT LIKE A HUGE BURDEN TO EVERYONE AROUND ME.

>> MY THERAPIST ASKED DID YOU HAVE A PLAN?

I SAID NO.

YOU FELT YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF DEAD.

YEAH.

THAT'S THE FIRST STEP.

IT WAS GOOD FOR ME TO GO IN.

THAT'S THE FIRST STEP IN THE PROCESS.

>> IF ANYONE IS EXPERIENCING THAT FIRST LEVEL MAYBE TONIGHT AND MAYBE THEY ARE WATCHING THIS PROGRAM, OR THEY HAVE BEEN HAVING THAT SUICIDAL IDEATION, WHAT WOULD YOU TELL THEM?

>> IT IS 988.

CALL THAT.

I WILL TELL YOU THAT IT IS NOT MAYBE SOMETIMES IT SEEMS LIKE THERE'S A NUMBER I SHOULD CALL.

THAT'S HOW I ENDED UP GETTING TREATMENT.

I PUT OFF GETTING TREATMENT.

I CALLED THE VETERAN'S CRISIS LINE, WHICH IS VETERAN SUICIDE HOTLINE.

I CALLED IT BECAUSE I RAN OUT OF IDEAS.

I WASN'T SURE WHAT I NEEDED TO DO NEXT.

MAYBE I CAN TALK TO THESE PEOPLE.

THE TONE OF THE VOICE OF THE WOMEN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE, IT HELPED ME UNDERSTAND THAT I DIDN'T SOUND ANY DIFFERENT THAN SHE HAD TALKED TO.

(DOG BARKING).

>> I APOLOGIZE FOR MY DOG BARKING.

>> EVERYONE IS WANTING TO GET IN ON THE CONVERSATION.

>> THERE IS A JOGGER GOING BY.

>> NO DOUBT.

>> I AM GOING TO SAY, ALL OF OUR VIEWERS WILL VERY MUCH APPRECIATE YOUR BOOK, "INVISIBLE STORM".

IT TAKES US INTO A WORLD THAT I DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED.

I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE GOING THROUGH THIS NIGHTMARE.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT A WIFE OR SPOUSE HAS THE SAME PROBLEM THAT DIANA DID.

SHE SLEPT WITH A KNIFE UNDER HER PILLOW.

SHE WAS SO WORRIED.

>> LET ME BE CLEAR.

SHE WASN'T PROTECTING HERSELF FROM ME.

>> YES, THAT'S TRUE.

>> YOU HAVE SOME REFERENCES, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOUR GREAT, GREAT UNCLE WROTE NEW YORK, NEW YORK.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

MY GREAT UNCLE JOHN IS COME COMPOSER.

HE IS THE LONGEST RUNNING SHOW.

WE ARE VERY CLOSE.

HE IS 95 AND STILL WRITING.

>> ONE OTHER THING ABOUT THE BOOK.

AND THAT IS FIRST, ALL OF MY ROYALTIES GO TO THE VETERAN'S FOUNDATIONS THAT WE TALKED ABOUT.

IT IS A HEAVY TOPIC, THIS IS A HEAVY INTERVIEW.

IT HAS JOKES, IT IS A NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER.

IT HAS DONE WELL.

I ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO GO GET IT.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH, JASON KANDER.

>> CONGRATULATIONS.

>> CONGRATULATIONS.

>> CONGRATULATIONS ON INVISIBLE STORM.

>> THANKS FOR JOINING US ON NEXT UP ON 9 PBS.

[MUSIC].