♪♪ Woman 1: An elder once told me, "If you don't know where you came from, you can't know where you're going."

And my history was taken from me.

I am going on this journey to reclaim my history, to reclaim my ancestors.

I'm Eli Paintedcrow, and this is my Generations Project.

♪♪ [swoosh] Airport Intercom: 878, please report to... Man 1: Let the word go forth from this time and place that the torch has been passed to a new generation... Woman 2: I really never thought that finding out about your ancestry could change you the way it's changed me.

♪♪ [old projector winding down] Eli: Yes, I'm indigenous and I'm also a veteran.

I went to Iraq in 2004, and it was really painful for me to realize that being there, I had become the invader.

♪♪ I decided to do something for vets and I decided to do something for peace.

And so I founded an organization called Turtle Women Rising.

[man chanting and drumming] We do a ceremony with the drum, and the drum represents the heartbeat of the earth.

I stepped away from the drum circle because I start to see that there was no peace in the world, that people couldn't get it, that people didn't wanna get it.

♪♪ But what really that was is a reflection of my own lack of peace.

And it made me realize that I don't have it to give away.

♪♪ Herlinda: I'm concerned about Eli.

Uh, as a community I feel we need to embrace her.

We need to, um, support her around all kinds of healing that she needs to do.

I feel like Eli is somewhat depleted.

One of the things that I saw when Eli came back this last time was that she was struggling a lot with PTSD, post-traumatic stress syndrome.

[drumming] [men chanting "way-ah-way"] We were walking down, uh, International, uh, Boulevard right near here and a car backfired and she jumped about three feet, her whole body, and she got triggered because the sound reminded her very much of the, the gunshots, the bombs she heard and everything.

And, and you know, she said, I'll be okay, I'll be okay.

You know, this is just from being in war.

So, and, and that's something you deal with every day.

It's not just when you hear a car.

It's whenever you feel threatened.

We forget who we are.

So knowing our heritage can heal that, can excite us, can fill us with passion about going after the truth about ourselves.

Eli is a scholar and a teacher, and she's a leader, but she's also a human being.

She's a human being with limits.

[drumming] [group chanting "way-ah-way"] Eli: My hope is by the time this journey is over, that I can be more of a participant with Turtle Women Rising and continue the journey of peace.

I don't know what's gonna happen.

We'll have to take the journey and see.

[drumming] [group chanting "way-ah-way'] Eli: Right now I'm going to a historical society to see if I can find out if there's any information, uh, regarding my roots as to, um, proving that I am Yaqui, and that my family's Yaqui.

♪♪ ♪♪ I need to find out if I'm Yaqui because that is part of a history that has been told to me and I need to be able to prove it.

I need to be able to find that for myself, to see what it is that, that I am, what, what, what kind of blood runs in my veins.

Finding out about my father's side of, of his history, which he has always claimed to be Yaqui, my grandmother has done the same, My great-grandmother has done the same, um, except that every document that I've ever had either says Mexican or white.

And so, um, part of what I was told, it was a lot easier to say you were Mexican than to say you were Yaqui because they were used as slaves.

♪♪ [rushing water] Man 2: Hi there.

Eli: Hi, I know you need to close.

Abraham: Hi, I'm pleased to meet you.

Eli: Nice to meet you.

Abraham: Let me see what you have here.

Eli: Um, this is a picture of my, uh, great-grandmother.

Her name was Concepción Murrieta Miranda.

Abraham: Mm-hmm.

Eli: But I know that this, right here, when I was like 12 or 13, my, my grandmother, who had me write this information-- Abraham: So you wrote this as your grandmother dictated.

Eli: Yes.

And I've saved it all these years.

I'm 50 years old now, and I've been waiting to, like, find the answers to this.

She said that this, my great-grandmother was Yaqui, and she also said that her father's mother, Emillia, was Yaqui.

This is what I know.

This is all I know.

Abraham: So let's see if we've got some documents.

What else do you have over here?

♪♪ Abraham: We found some very interesting documents that I think you'll find quite useful.

This is a, uh, alien registration card for Miranda Concepción.

There's her picture and there's her address and some very interesting information on it.

You can see that this document helps you fill in places on the family tree.

Eli: Okay, I gotcha.

Abraham: Got it?

Eli: [laughs] Abraham: Okay, see?

You can find these things.

Eli: [laughs] ♪♪ Eli: I have one more question for you and, um, and that is to find out whether, um, we are related or I am related to Joaquín Murrieta, the, uh, the famous bandit of California.

Abraham: Let me just, let me just say that the sources that start with Joaquín Murri, Murrieta in his own time, in the early 1850s, are very scarce.

But the evidence seems to point, I hate to disappoint you, Eli: Mm-hmm Abraham: ..he was not a Robin Hood.

Eli: Mm-hmm.

Abraham: Because in the famous idea of Robin Hood, Robin Hood took from the rich, Eli: Mm-hmm.

Abraham: ...and gave to the poor.

And what Joaquín Murrieta and his gang did, and what Tiburcio Vásquez and other outlaws did, was robbed from the rich and robbed from the poor.

♪♪ ♪♪ Abraham: Yep-- Eli: I think I'd be just as proud, he did whatever he had to do.

Abraham: He did what he had to do.

Eli: I think it's a matter of perspective.

And, um, as an indigenous person, um, the way I understood the story was that he did all he could to try to get justice for the people who killed his family, his pregnant wife and his, um, his baby.

And he was told that he wasn't even a citizen, so there would be no justice.

So he took it in his own hands.

♪♪ So I was actually quite honored to find out that he is a relative.

♪♪ It's like, okay, there are names that, um, stories that I've heard, and I can see where there were real, and where they lived, or where they died, when they were born.

And, um, this is um, it's their blood that runs in my veins.

♪♪ It's sort of like, you know, you always have to prove who you are or that you're as significant as the next person, and when you know this stuff, it like doesn't even matter because you know.

[sniffles] And there's a story you can tell and find, and, [sniffles] pictures to match it and, and they're the reason why I'm standing here.

They're the reason why I'm even alive, so.

♪♪ Eli: This is the part that's, that's painful too.

I mean, I'm glad I have these papers, but if we look at my grandmother's race, it says that she's white.

But if I look at all of these births and death certificates and you, and you read them, it says color of race is white there.

It says color of race is white here.

♪♪ [car whirring by] They had to walk around voiceless just to make it in the world.

[sniffles] And nobody should have to live like that.

♪♪ Eli: My feelings, well, they're, I think I'm gonna have mixed feelings throughout this whole journey.

I still don't have the answer, um, I'm still on that search.

I'm not disappointed because I think that I got a lot, um, maybe it makes it easier to keep, keep going, to take the next step.

♪♪ [keyboard clicking] [phone ringing] Eli: Hello?

Abraham: Hello, Eli?

Eli: [ahem] Yes?

Abraham: Hi, this is Abe Hoffman.

How are you doing?

Eli: I'm doing okay.

How are you?

Abraham: Ah, we're doing just fine.

I want you to know that, uh, after our meeting, we kept looking, and I think we hit the jackpot.

Eli: Oh, really?

Abraham: Uh-huh.

Well, if you look on the tree, Eli: Uh-huh.

Abraham: ..you'll, you'll see Maria Rufina Martinez.

Eli: Uh-huh.

Abraham: She's your, she's your great-great-great- great-great-grandmother.

Okay, on the maternal side of the big sheet of paper.

Eli: Okay.

Abraham: On the maternal side, way on the end.

Eli: Okay, I found it.

Abraham: You found it?

Eli: Yes.

Abraham: Okay, good.

That's the person we're talking about.

I found a marriage record for her that lists her as Indio.

Eli: Oh, really?

Abraham: That's right.

Finally, uh, there is this connection with the Guachichil tribe.

Eli: What's the name again?

Abraham: The Guachichil.

You know, you knew you were gonna go back to Mexico, and this, uh, record is from Zacatecas.

Eli: [whispers] Zacatecas.

Abraham: And there is a museum at Zacatecas that may have more information for you.

♪♪ Eli: This is a very healing moment for my ancestors.

[guitar music] ♪♪ And that's really healing to me.

♪♪ Something that I can prove because in this world that's what you have to have.

♪♪ This is really a powerful piece for me right now.

♪♪ ♪♪ [speaking Spanish] Mr.

Villages: Guachichil.

[speaking Spanish] Eli: Huichol.

Mr. Villegas: Sí.

♪♪ Eli: [in English] I showed him the document and, um, asked him about, um, the rancho from where, um, Maria Rufina Martinez was from and invited me to actually visit a community of Huichol and I'm really looking forward to that.

My heritage is claiming me at this point and I'm remembering the things that, um, I was born with.

So what's next is to be able to go meet Susana at a Huichol community that's a few hours from here and, um, I am ready to, um, take the next step.

♪♪ We got up to take this journey up the mountain and the roads started to bother me.

I'm done.

I didn't want to go up there.

It's finished.

My heritage is claiming me at this point, and I'm remembering the things that, um, I was born with.

♪♪ Woman 3: Eli!

Eli: Hi, Susana?

Susana: Hey!

Good to meet ya.

Eli: Good to meet you too.

Susana: Welcome!

Eli: Thank you!

Susana: What are you doing in this far off place in the world?

This is Emelda, Eli.

Emelda: Hi.

[Susana speaking Spanish] [Eli speaking Spanish] [Susana speaking Spanish] Eli: [in English] It was like a community center that was in a, in a town and, um, where the Huichol people would, um, I guess when they came down from the mountains, they could go there and, and ensure that they would be fed and be supported.

So it was, uh, just a real, um, a learning experience for me to sort of be there, be with the children, be with the women, and, um, very humble women, very humble.

♪♪ Eli: So we got up to take this journey up the mountain with Susana and Emilda.

Something was said about a shaman and this kind of stuff, and not very clear about what was gonna happen up there.

And the roads started to bother me, and, and so I didn't want to go up there, and I didn't want to do this, and I began to have an episode that was really uncontrollable rage.

Done.

I'm done.

I'm done.

It's finished right now.

Man 3: Get the audio.

I'm done.

Woman 4: What's, what's going on?

Eli: I'm done.

I, I don't want to talk.

Woman 4: What happened?

Eli: I'm done.

Woman 4: You want to go back?

Eli: Yeah, I'm done.

I'm done with everything.

[sniffles] Woman 4: Well, could you, could you tell us why?

Eli: No, I can't.

I know myself, and when I get to this point, I'm done.

I don't trust people's driving.

I don't like this road.

And I've been putting up with it the whole way, and I just can't deal with it.

Well, from the moment that, um, we stopped at that corner or that cliff and I had a PTSD episode is what it's called, and, um, you sort of can't control it when it happens unless you're on medication, which is how I took care of it yesterday and.. You know, when you're in an episode like that, honestly, what crossed my mind yesterday was to jump off that cliff.

Because you can't control it, and because you don't want to be angry at the people around you.

But you can't stop it either.

[sniffles] ♪♪ So we get back in the van, I mean, we ended, I calmed down enough to go to sleep.

I sat in the front.

I took a bunch of medication to go to sleep.

I'm just really trying to be quiet.

[woman quietly talking] We got off, the governor was there, the tribe was there, there was all these, you know, people of great importance were there.

♪♪ They invited us into this, like, little building, and there was a fire in there, and then when we went in to be blessed and purified, um, one of the things that was being spoken there was that it was a replication, uh, uh, the area was a replica of the original sacred site, so it meant like it's not really a sacred site, but because the fire's there, I suppose it makes it sacred sort of kind of thing, and, um, but at that point, I sort of felt like a tourist being offered this ceremony, um, you know, um, without some real conversation about it, to say, "No, here, come on, be blessed."

I'm like, "Wow, okay."

So after that, I was so done.

I'm like, this isn't even real, and, um, and I said, "I need to go to bed."

And they put me in this really nice little hut.

I took enough medication to actually sleep for 12 hours, but I didn't sleep 12 hours.

I woke up to the sound of the crow or the raven, which is telling me I needed to see that medicine man.

♪♪ ♪♪ You know, um, I was really shocked that they allowed cameras because everywhere I've ever gone, they don't.

And then when the medicine man okayed for me to like, be filmed, I thought, "Wow, really?"

My spirit's gonna go into that camera and that's okay with everybody here and..?

♪♪ They're hungry.

The, the interpreter from the medicine man, all he ever talked to me about was their business.

They're honored.

They need to have this on camera.

They need, the world needs to see, that they're hungry and that they need support from the community through tourism.

That's why they do it.

♪♪ It wasn't about my healing.

It wasn't about, it had a little bit to do about energy and the earth, things I'm familiar with, but all of it had to do with tourism.

♪♪ The people are wonderful.

It's the situation that's painful.

I love those people.

They loved me back.

They spoke that to me before I left.

The people are the people.

What they have to do in order to survive is a whole different thing.

I can't judge them for that.

It's just painful to see.

You know, and it makes you think, "What does it take to preserve your history, before it gets erased?"

It probably takes the erasure of the whole people so that it doesn't exist anymore.

♪♪ It's hard.

They asked me to come back.

It's hard to come back and participate in something that erases more of their history.

♪♪ But I will come back 'cause I said I would on my own terms.

And I understand the need for feeding themselves and providing.

That comes with trying to keep your roots.

But there just has to be another way.

[fire crackling] I am closer to becoming registered with the Yaqui people.

I did find some documents that will allow me to submit some paperwork that shows some names there.

And so this journey has helped me gather that information.

And that makes me feel a little more whole and complete.

[group drumming and chanting] I really thought that I needed something outside of myself to find this peace.

And what I find is that, um, everything I need, I was born with, and that peace is a choice.

[group drumming] [group chanting "hey, ay, ay..."]