From the Alvin and Rosalie Sara Check studio PBS Kansas presents Empowering Seniors Welcome to Empowering Seniors Today we have a very important story Lessons from the Pacific Palisades fire that can help empower you and your family Michelle Bouchet is a realtor in Baltimore Maryland and she's part of the senior home coach group And she was recently affected by those terrible fires in California And she has quite the empowering lessons to share Welcome to the show Michelle Thank you Thank you know you have a very important story for us And I got to experience a little bit while you were going through it So tell us a little bit about that you know it happens to us in real life whether we want it to or not I grew up in Pacific Palisades My family built a home there in 1965 My my two sisters and I all moved to the East coast but we had our entire family was there All the extended family everybody we knew I was born a long time ago and lived there for many many decades And we had had fires in California before but we were always insulated where we lived It wasn't really a concern until such time as we started hearing about this on TV This was January 1st when the fires first started By January 7th they had spread because the winds were 80 to 100 miles an hour Well my parents my father's 98 my mother's 87 They were at home at our family home watching a Beyonce concert I think And my sisters and I were calling frantically get out when are you leaving?

Because they had called for evacuations when my parents and all the years we've been there have never evacuated So I didn't want to go our home care aide thank God was there with them And we finally told him put them in the car and get them out He got them out 30 minutes before their house burned And the streets were so backed up that had they waited any longer they may not have gotten out Had they stayed to the end of the concert they wouldn't have gone They just were in denial about the whole thing They thought they were coming back to their homes so all they took with them was the clothing on their back and their my mom's purse My dad I don't even know if he got his wallet And my sisters and I of course being on the East Coast we were frantic because we weren't there to help We got them safe Came to find out that their insurance had been canceled 30 days before the fire and we didn't know And we didn't know because my mom doesn't do emails so well And my father of course he's 98 So nobody was really monitoring things Anyway we found out shortly after that we were not insured Fortunately the government did reinstate the insurance policies They got their insurance money back We got them safely into an apartment and then moved them into a condo But what happened that was so devastating?

Besides losing not just their home was the history My father was a sound mixer in Hollywood He won an Emmy Award for his work My mother was a ceramic artist and our entire home our entire life was filled with art Our garage And the second story was her art studio ceramics studio She taught classes She was known in the community for many many many years All she did was live for that art and all of it was gone When we went to start to try to help my parents they didn't have anything So we had to buy everything from toothbrushes to to tablecloths to you know everything One of the things we had to get them was a computer And my sisters and I while we were taking turns flying out here literally at one point almost every week we couldn't get into there to their accounts I had power of attorney but all the papers were gone All of the the will the trust the pay for all of the health care directives They were all gone because they were kept in a safe in a non-filers safe file cabinet in the house Well nobody expects their house to burn down ever But what we didn't have was access to the things we needed And so it was excruciating because the the banks won't let you do anything Nobody will let you touch accounts I couldn't shut their bills off I couldn't transfer money I couldn't do any of the things that I needed to do to help them So we painstakingly every single time I did you something I had to get my mother on the phone etc and the lesson and all of this that is important for people to take away is that not only do you have to have these things in place just as a general rule to if you're somebody who is caring for your parents or elders you have to know where it is and you have to be able to get to it And you have to have a backup And we didn't have any of that So it just took an extra long time My father's health care was involved He was in and out of hospice during this entire time And they are in they are in a condo and now at 87 and at 90 almost 99 they are going to rebuild a home So having gone through this entire thing with them losing our not just our home but our whole town all our memories everyone we grew up with I have three other relatives whose homes were damaged beyond being able to live in them again at least until now My mom's 94 year old sister house Her son's house?

My cousin's house they're just there's so much that we deal with throughout this whole thing Making that process even a little bit easier is so important especially when you're not there Going out there every month or every however often we can it's hard you know it's disruptive for our families as well Not that we have any resentment We will do it in a minute But it's a lot it's a lot on everybody And I think that just knowing how to how you can prepare so that a lot of the anxiety and the not knowing and the sleepless nights can be avoided or lessened in any kind of a disaster because it's not just fire We hear about floods around the country and hurricanes The my sister did call the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and they replaced my father's Emmy That meant a lot to him That was That was a good day My mom as soon as she moved into a condo where she was safe they were fairly safe The first thing she did was she went to the art store and she bought pads of of canvas paper and watercolors and she started to paint and she painted and she painted and she painted these beautiful beautiful florals Just pictures of flowers And she painted pictures of my clients homes for them And just getting back into her art was what saved her From literally I think just giving up and so they had the caregiver at home because they did So your dad wouldn't have known to leave or is that the case My father doesn't have memory issues necessarily but he you know he's not the one that's going to say I think we should go He's going to do what he's supposed to do When someone says we have to go Okay My mom they just didn't believe what was going to hit their house And the caregiver was the one who actually was able to get them in up and out He could have lost his life to try They literally probably would have died in that fire A if the caregiver was off that day I can't even think about what would have happened if the caregiver was off because you don't have 24 over seven care You didn't have 24 seven We didn't have 24/7 care It happened that he was there and he's he was big enough and strong enough to literally physically I had to get my lift my dad up and get him out of there But the neighbors were gone so there wasn't anyone else left there Oh Michelle that That's heavy So your dad wouldn't have known to leave and your mom wasn't concerned?

She was focused on her The on say now I want to ask about Beyonce They're watching Beyonce They're watching the Beyonce concert And my our caregiver You mean it's his favorite performer?

Oh so my mom was into it My dad was into it There just But the thing that was so concerning to my sisters and I because we kept calling I mean we're on the phone to them as this is all We're watching it unfold on television and we know all the streets they're showing that are we know the people in the houses that we were looking at So you knew they were in trouble We knew that there was no stopping this fire But my parents were in denial about it because they'd been through fires and they never thought it would happen to them So they waited So of course this was an extraordinary event to have your whole town wiped out But this could happen to anyone where it's just that one house at home And think that your parents wouldn't have known to to leave Yes There wasn't a caregiver to to get them out because I think there's a lot of financial seniors that are home alone and they can take care of activities of daily living like maybe making food and going going bad and just doing things that in their environment But would they know to leave in the case of a fire or would they be capable of leaving in case of a fire?

Well I think that's really important Katherine because the condo my parents are in has one elevator Their biggest fear now of course is what if there's a fire in that building?

My father can't go down the stairs How's he going to get out of that building?

So even if you're not in a fire zone or or it's an extraordinary circumstance thinking about the things you don't want to think about to the point where you know what you think you can do Like we know that the fire department's been to my parent's house multiple times when my father's fallen and he can't get up and my mom can't lift him And you're not there and we're not there And so yes now they know them on the first name basis And my mom takes cookies to the fire station But truly you have to know how you're going to get out of your house if you had to And especially for people that are by themselves at least they have each other And one of them my mother would be the one to call because my father can't even call on the phone So it was we've learned a lot of lessons from Yeah And it seems like there's still at risk because of the elevator situation So so I guess we can assume they're fragile seniors at risk And sometimes families know they are But you've got to you've got to do everything you can Like you were lucky to have that caregiver there to get them out Wasn't there something like the insurance was off by a penny?

Oh my gosh So the reason the insurance got canceled was because the payment amount was like it was an even dollar amount and and $061 and my mother wrote a check for the even dollar amount but not the $061 So they canceled it because of nonpayment Because $061 was $061 was the reason that their house may not have been covered by insurance And and they weren't aware Well and you said the government reinstate insurance but I remember that you went you and your sisters went through a lot of phone calls and a lot of work We need to get it reinstated We did because we didn't know the government was trying to act quickly They were trying but we didn't know that that was going to happen So I got on the phone and had to spend hours with the insurance company fighting with the state fighting with you know the salespeople and just trying to make sure that we could get that reinstated and trying to do it from 3000 miles away And and you did get it reinstated We did But otherwise the government stepped in and reinstated the rest of them We were able we were able to have the insurance company contact Cal Fair plan and they arranged to reinstate the policy before the governor said all policies will be reinstated 90 days back So yes we were able to get it to happen But here's the bottom line a $061 difference caused insurance to be canceled and nobody knew Yeah And so what are the lessons the takeaways that you have because you are senior home coach you are working every day to empower seniors in Baltimore So what are the takeaway lessons for seniors that are in a fragile state But they're one prepare for the future and for seniors that are guiding aging loved ones and friends What are the very serious takeaways the lessons you got from this fire?

Make sure you have your paperwork in order If you don't have a power of attorney you don't have a will You don't have an estate plan Get it Because without that it's even It's sometimes impossible to deal with things from afar Or if you don't make it through this is through a disaster Those who are left have a much harder time Number two is make sure that somebody in your family knows what you have where it is and has a copy of it because getting a copy of it whether it's a copy or the real you know what ink is required in order for us to be able to help And then I would just say make sure number three that you know how to to get out of your house if you have to And you know unfortunately in the Palisades we run out of water which was one of the reasons that our house would have burned There was no more water And for whatever reason or whatever reason it is that we cannot assume that the fire department is going to get there in time to get you out and get things you know out that you need So I don't know if you you want to make a go bag that you've got you know this critical documents and Right But have those documents elsewhere not in your house Somebody else has to be able to access it Well they have those red folders has magnetic folders you can put on your fridge and you're supposed to grab it in case of an emergency Great idea You should have documents Maybe in your car Yeah because if you have a car accident first responders will check the glove box for some of those things You might think about where you can put documents that give medical instruction instructions that have medicatio Right Right And who to contact because sometimes it's not the caregiver or the kid that goes in and does that stuff It's somebody like you said it's it's a fire department or a police department or a neighbor or a stranger Yeah Coming to try to help make it easy to find it shouldn't be locked in your safety deposit box Nope We're not being get to it And the other thing I want to say is don't think it can happen to you I was just thinking about you could have a stroke You could be perfectly healthy today and think I'm not going to give my daughter my passwords right now I'm not going to give her copies of everything right now But anyone can have a stroke or a catastrophe at any time And then then it's too too late We don't want to live in fear We just need to live in preparedness Yeah And that that creates calm Because my parents now know that we know what to do where everything is We have all the passwords I look at the bank accounts I look at the checks she writes I look at what she signs I double check because you know even though they have capacity at 87 and somewhat at 98 they don't always trust themselves or they're not thinking the same way that we think right?

They're not looking for the things that we're looking for to to protect them especially the fragile adults We have to be more diligent and more just more intentional about making sure that they know that we know what to do So before the fire it was okay with them that you didn't have all that information Now after the fire it seems like they're okay with you having access to everything They require it Yes Okay My mom required it She's like I need you I need more because I'm the trustee and I have access to everything now before I had permission But in the access I have access And that's critical That's powerful Before you had permission but you didn't have access and now you have access because your family had learned the hard way that maybe other families can have some candid conversations about these things Now just hearing your story it's so important You know we don't have these conversations because then we're fine right now or it's uncomfortable or we don't want to bring it down We don't want to bring the mood down We're here especially in the holidays when we go to our families for the holidays It's a perfect time to sit at the table and just put it on the table and say mom dad or you know grandma grandpa or whatever it is Can you just make sure that you're protected and help us understand what to do?

What would you want us to do if there was an issue?

Where should we look for things?

Who's got permission to do things on your behalf?

And do we need to get anything in place that's not in place?

And just those simple questions can just unveil things You can do that that when the time comes because the time will come in some way shape or form that somebody's going to have to step in on their behalf You know what their wishes are and you know how to go about doing things Yeah And you mentioned the holidays Yeah It's a good time for family to get together and have conversations that also it's when sometimes people really suddenly realize that things aren't the same as they were last time we were here So the holidays is really important What are you picking up on?

Cuz visiting them at other times I was I was noticing decline in my father in particular and also my mother getting a bit more She she's not you know she she takes care of my father a lot when certainly when the caregiver is not there but just in general And we know that caregivers oftentimes will die before the people they're caring for because they stopped taking care of themselves 60% 60% die And so when you don't see somebody every day and you come back and see them even a few months later you definitely see a change I definitely have seen a change My mom's a strong lady She still drives but she's not what she was even a year ago Yeah And my father is you know he's heading to his swear he's going to live to 99 That's his number He's going to make it But you know he's got the challe yes I see differences So and it's hard on your mom because when we know the path your dad is on Now that from your mother's caregiver 30% of caregivers pass away before the person they're caring for because of the stress Yeah And with And then once they're relieved of caregiving maybe because someone has been moved into a medical community or they've passed another 30% dies to 60% that's really incredible It's incredible And so How much are you worried about your mother and what she's going through right now?

Because I think some families just think oh that's just the way it is Mom takes care Dad Or you know daughter taking care of mother And don't realize how hard caregiving is I think it's important to talk about the the mental stress because yes there's physical issues but when you I'm not sure all of us have really dealt with the loss The loss your town and your home Yeah That was his legacy to us You know we that was not a wealthy town A lot of movie stars lived there And people have this perception of Pacific Palisades like a Beverly Hills by the sea But honestly most people that lived there started very long time ago My dad made $30000 a year Their wealth was in their homes The legacy that he was leaving his family was destroyed and the mental toll that that takes And then my mother's entire being wrapped up in art gone overnight or her lifetime a whole lifetime of art all the art in the home I mean it was just the whole house was art and that loss I'm not sure That she has fully dealt with it emotionally She's strong for my dad She's strong for us She's a strong woman She deals with it in her private moments I'm sure But my sisters and I even now still struggle with it So the mental health is just as important as the physical well-being And how about the rest of you and even those of you that are living thousands of miles away?

What kind of toll do you think it's taking on on you It's definitely affecting you know our ability to Well I will say this Our families are very supportive My sisters and I take turns going out there And our spouses and families of course are filling in the gaps But I would be lying if I said you know it didn't really affect us affects our business It affects our relationships It affects our mental health as well because worrying from afar is I think in a lot of ways worse than being there because at least if you're there you can do something or you can feel like you can be a value when you're 3000 miles away Being a value is limited to phone calls and I love you's and getting a hand-painted card in the mail every once in a while you know I mean it's it's it's much more difficult I think there's an empowering lesson right there is just to realize the impact on everyone It's it's not just about maybe the homeowners but everyone else that could be feeling a lot of stress and worry and fear too over what might be going on So your decisions affect everyone So how are your decisions going to change for your future years?

Well that's a really good question My husband and I when we retire we've already decided one level living universal design All of the things in the home that need to need to be there to make it safe for us to live there you know transitions I've learned so much becoming a senior home coach and really focusing on that end but also making sure that our our children have the knowledge and the power to make decisions and know our wishes and know where things are and have access to our passwords which is probably the same password we'll have for 20 years So you know but taking those lessons learned with our families and trying to impart them not just to our family you know not to other people but just to our own family is very important as well And maybe that's the legacy You weren't looking for that What a wonderful legacy for all the generations of your family And that's very empowering It is Thank you Michelle for being on empowering seniors Thank you Katherine and thank you for watching If you have questions about this topic or anything else that we cover will you reach out to us?

Give us a ring at 316-686-4500 or email us at EmpoweringSeniors@kpts.org Im Katherine Ambrose and I'll see you on the next Empowering Seniors