♪♪ Doc: Why do you keep apologizing, Manny?

I think it has a lot to do with this moment in time.

Why?

How so?

You know, I think that we're told to be careful, to tip-toe in White spaces, to not take up too much space, to not be too angry, too passionate, too loud, like, there's all this coded language.

One thing for this it's made me realize is that all the microaggressions that I've never even realized or I just accept, like people telling me all the time, like, "Well, you're not actually -- You're not actually Latino," because I'm lighter-skinned, right, which I know you understand.

Tell me about it.

I...

Yes.

And it's like, "Oh, wait.

I still have this experience.

I still --" You know, I remember when I was 16, and I was getting confirmed at church, the kids wouldn't shake my hand at church.

So, yes, I am not...

I do not have the experience that Stuart does.

I would never pretend to know that, or that Rebecca does, like...

But I know my experience.

I hear that.

I feel afraid to speak, honestly.

I feel scared.

I'm Jewish.

I'm Latina.

I'm White.

So it's like, you know, Manny, when you were talking, I was remembering when I was in fifth grade.

The teach-- The principal told my mom to stop speaking Spanish at home because my vocabulary in English sucked, and my mother told him to go fuck himself.

Seriously, seriously.

She said that in English or in Spanish?

She said it in English.

You know, I went to Yeshiva as a child, which is an Orthodox Jewish school.

Imagine being a Latina in Yeshiva.

So, like, I don't know where I fit in.

I don't know where it's okay to speak.

I reap the benefits of White privilege, even though I'm Latina, because my skin is fair.

So I feel like I'm not entitled to speak.

I feel so overwhelmed because I actually, just now, was thinking how I have benefited from White privilege as well, especially as an adult, and that's a really complicated question to ask yourself as a Brown person because I am Brown.

And I remember growing up and being treated definitely a certain way.

Kids making fun of my father's accent, making fun of his name, and I just remember, even as a kid, thinking to myself, "God!

Who do they learn this from?"

These racists start young, man.

Like, these kids were, like, 8 years old.

I was taught never to forget what I was by the White people around me.

I was the only person that looked like me where I grew up, and... Frank: Where was that?

Just outside of Chicago.

What, a suburb?

Yeah.

Which one?

I'd rather not say because I feel like you'll Google me and find some things.

[ Laughter ] My family is from the suburbs outside of Chicago.

Evanston, Highland Park, Lake Forest...

I know that area well.

Ezra, where's Henry?

Do you have an idea about why he's not here?

I'm hoping that he's not sick.

Have you heard anything?

I know he's not sick.

Okay.

Pam, what'd you do to Henry?

Oh, you didn't do nothing.

You had Manny do it.

I was gonna say, "What did Manny do?"

-Manny, what'd you do to Henry?

-What's the deal?

Is he going to be a part of this group or not?

Well, I asked you to speculate.

Where do you think he is?

What do you think happened to him?

Why isn't he here today?

I have a feeling he thinks he's above Zoom.

I have a feeling I think he's above group.

That's probably why.

Personally.

Tilda's closest to it.

Henry called me during the week to say that he doesn't approve of this as a format for working with people.

He doesn't approve of Zoom?

-Approve.

-Approve of Zoom, yes.

His objection was that this somehow diminishes the process, but I think he also let me know that he's frightened.

Well, he didn't use the word frightened, but he objected to the possibility of being recorded and having it out in the ether.

He's into compliance.

That's a little paranoid, isn't it?

What does that mean in English?

He's insecure?

He must have had some boundary violations growing up?

I don't know.

Those are good ideas.

When you get to know Henry better, you might...

If and when he returns to group, those are good questions to ask him.

You know, Rebecca, if I'm gonna be honest, when I was sick, and I was in my room and feeling so alone, I contacted Rebecca, and she texted me almost every day.

Yep!

I texted with Rebecca... -Shh!

Shh!

-Karina.

...and I used heart emojis.

And we made a pact that we weren't gonna tell the group and then...

Wait!

I'm sorry.

I-I have to say something.

Karina, you are the one who was most upset that Pam and I were hanging out outside of group, and now you're doing this.

This is fucking hilarious!

We didn't go on a movie and go on a date and drink and kiss.

Yeah.

I did not hang out.

I did not have drinks at the bar and see a movie.

Doc: I think we have to -- I think we have to think about this in the context of what we're living through at the moment.

The world is... Karina: Not operating as usual.

...like nothing you've ever experienced before, and especially while I was in the hospital recovering immediately after and we weren't meeting, you know?

Rules are there to be...

Broken?

No.

They're there to be studied because it's the response to the rules that helps me understand and helps you understand each other.

When you cross a boundary, and we get to understand what impulse, what desire was being attended to by crossing a boundary, then we know more.

So I'd like to say that, up to this moment, if you've been texting, I understand that, but let's also agree that now that we're back in the room and working together, that the texting be set aside.

Let's keep the action in the room because remember, it's the forming and maintaining and the watching together how relationships get formed and maintained that's gonna teach us what we need to learn about ourselves and about our life together with people.

Frank: What's your deal, Manny?

You look like the cat that ate the canary.

I'm not saying...

I just... Have you and Pam been texting?

-I really don't... -Frank, hold on a second.

Frank, I have no idea how my words landed with you just now.

It -- It rings...

It goes deep because -- because I'm breaking rules left and right.

And I say, "Oh, it's COVID."

What are you doing, Frank?

Karina: Yeah, what rules are you breaking?

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm texting, too.

I'm not texting someone in group.

Oh, who are you texting?

Oh, not somebody in group?

No.

Who would I text in group?

Me!

I would text Tilda.

but I'm not texting Tilda, I'm... Doc: Say more, Frank.

This was not supposed to be, uh, for group discussion.

Oh, come on.

I've...No.

I've just been texting with a woman at the "Journal."

Are you having an affair?

Tilda: Is that why you're saying it's not allowed... Are you having an affair?

...because it's at work, or is it an affair?

No, I'm breaking rules.

No, I'm not having an affair.

It's texting.

It's contact.

It's...We just... We enjoyed each other's company at the "Journal," and now we're like... We're isolated and we... Yeah.

We...It's good.

Wait.

Are you guys, like, sending pictures?

Like, how vibrant are we talking about here?

It's purely words and some emojis.

Karina: Wait a minute.

-Emojis.

-What emojis?

Eggplants, peaches.

Rebecca's faves.

-Those are my favorites.

-Yep.

Karina: So wait a minute.

I'm so embarrassed.

Aah!

[ Laughs ] I'm so fucking embarrassed.

-Can you... -Let me ask you this.

If your wife saw your phone, would she be upset?

All I'm saying...

If my work...

If my...

If Edith heard these conversations, she'd be upset.

Yeah, so what then?

Are you texting, or are you sexting?

I'm old-school, so just call it texting, but it has content.

That's sexting.

That's sexting, dude.

[ Laughter ] It's exciting.

It makes me feel good.

She's 32 years old.

What the hell... Oh, my God.

...does she see in me?

I have no idea.

She's hot.

She's from Jamaica.

Her name is Constance.

How can I not like that?

-Oh, my God.

-Frank, what are you doing?

What am I doing?

I'm surviving day-to-day.

Amen, brother.

Amen.

Thank you, Tilda.

I'm with you.

Why are you playing with fire, and that is so fucking messy and hard to clean up?

Yeah, but he doesn't feel your burn.

He maybe has to feel his own burns to recognize he's playing with fire.

You know what I mean?

What do you feel, Tilda?

Tilda, what are your feelings towards Karina?

What are your feelings towards me?

No, I want to know what she feels towards me, Ezra.

Towards you, Frank?

I'm feeling like I can't wait for you to get angry, or just, like, to just stop hiding behind your humor.

I can't wait for you to get real, and Karina, I just feel like you stepped over Frank just to talk about what's going on with you.

That's an observation.

What were you feeling?

Were you annoyed with her?

Annoyed.

Annoyed.

But also, I should preface this.

I'm just in a general state of annoyance right now, I think, so...

Most people are these days, but... Yeah.

Why is it hard to say that -- Why is it hard to say you're annoyed to Karina?

Because I can understand Karina, so I don't want to be annoyed.

I'm like -- I feel like my empathy overrides that, and I'd rather not express annoyance.

Yeah, well.

It's just bad vibes.

Understand, Tilda, that when you get annoyed with Karina in the moment, it's an invitation to an emotional connection.

She's starving for that.

Okay.

I'm feeling annoyed.

And by announcing your annoyance with her, you're helping her have more of a relationship with you, not less.

It's just the beginning of a conversation.

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