♪♪ ♪♪ [ Bell rings ] [ Bell rings ] [ Tires squeal ] ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Gunshot ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -Whoever's doing it, they're relentless.

I keep deleting every post I find, but 10 minutes later, up pops another.

And now this.

[ Mouse clicks ] Their last one linked to it.

It's an online petition calling for your early retirement.

-Great.

Where do I sign?

-It's not funny, and it isn't fair.

None of this should even be about you.

-Mm.

[ Knock on door ] -Hiya.

Sorry to bother.

Uh, I just wanted to let you know, um, well, ask, really.

You know 3C are doing creative writing all this week?

Okay, then, 3C are doing creative writing all this week.

And I've managed to arrange for Marcus Ormansby to come in and talk to them about writing for a bit and listen to them read some of their stories.

I think they might really enjoy it, a proper author.

So, uh...So, yeah, he's coming in tomorrow.

-Tomorrow?

-Sorry, I, um...

I wasn't aware that you knew Marcus Ormansby.

-Well, yeah, we've actually become quite good -- Well, no, I'm not saying friends, as such.

But we have been texting back and forth a bit ever since we, uh, bumped into each other last week, and, uh, you know, recognized each other from the paper.

I take it tomorrow isn't a problem.

-No.

No, of course not.

-[ Clicks tongue ] [ Door closes ] ♪♪ [ School bell rings ] [ Children shouting ] -What are you doing?

Where are you going?

-Look.

-Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, absolutely not.

Not here, not now.

-Well, I have to talk to her at some point, Peter.

-Well, bump her down the list.

She's gonna be one of the tougher ones as it is.

You did basically called her a -- Well, you implied.

Look, just not here, not now, okay?

Please.

I've had a stupid enough day as it is.

-Why?

What happened?

-Oh, nothing, just headmastery stuff.

-Oh, Kelly.

Oh, damn it, Peter, I could've done a two for one.

What?

I said, could have.

-[ Sighs ] Can you just go?

[ Engine starts ] -Hiya.

-Hiya.

-Hey, Joshie, did you have a good day?

-Yeah.

-Star pupil, as always, weren't you, Josh?

-Yep.

-I just wanted to pop and say hi.

I haven't seen you since, you know, everything.

So, congratulations.

-Oh, yeah.

Everyone keeps staring at me.

-Well, they're probably staring at both of us.

You know, two members of the "outed six" chatting together.

-Oh, God, Roxy, I hadn't even... No one believes a word of it, not a word.

Everything that woman said is just a pack of lies.

Everything.

-Well... not everything.

-I'd better go.

-Um, are you still okay to Josh-sit Friday?

-Yeah, of course.

I'll see you then.

And I'll see you tomorrow, little man.

Don't forget to bring in your story.

Bye!

-Bye, love.

[ Engine splutters and dies ] -Oh!

I hate this car.

♪♪ -I'll wait here.

We just need a few bits of veg for tonight.

Oh, and some milk.

Did I put milk on there?

What?

-What do you mean, what?

I'm not going in there.

-Well, I can't, can I?

Not until I've fixed things with Roxanna.

Which, by the way, is what I was trying to do back there.

-Oh, you're gonna sort the whole thing out in the middle of the road, are you?

-Well, I might've done.

-Well, I can't go in there, either.

-[ Sighs ] -Believe it or not, it'll be just as awkward.

-Here.

No backsies!

-I'm not playing that game.

-Oh!

I said, no backsies.

-Just because you say something -- -Don't be silly about it now.

-I'm not.

I'm not the silly one.

-That's very annoying, stop it.

Stop it!

You have it.

No, you have it.

Oh, God, he's looking, he's looking!

Shh!

-I'll just go without veg tonight.

-No, you will not go without veg tonight.

What did you have for your lunch?

-Salad.

-You hesitated.

You had chips.

-No, no, I didn't.

-Right, we're going to Sainsbury's.

[ Engine starts ] -That's a 20-minute drive.

-Oh, dear.

Well, if you behave yourself, I'll buy you a comic.

♪♪ -Are you ready?

I crown you King Joshie!

-And I control the Earth!

-Kelly!

-Hey, there!

-Hi!

-Oh, here you are.

What's all this?

-It's our castle.

-Yeah, it's our castle.

-Okay.

Well, picture this.

Me, you, and His Highness there are spending our anniversary aboard a five-star luxury cruise ship on the River Nile.

-Wow.

-Neil, what are you doing home?

-I've quit my job.

-Hey, Joshie, do you want to get changed while I make us dinner?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

[ Chuckles ] Um, I'm sorry, you've done what?

-I've quit, okay?

I hated my job, so I've quit.

That is normal, you know?

That's what people do when they've won the lottery.

-It was 70 grand, Neil.

30 of which you've spent on a car.

And by the way, we never won the lottery.

-Stop saying that.

You've got to stop saying that.

Please, Kelly, you have to start meeting me half way here.

The hard part's over, don't you see?

And now, look, an anniversary on a cruise ship.

I mean, 10 years ago, we had to spend our honeymoon in some god awful, scruffy, little... What?

-Nothing.

♪♪ -Is it all right if I have my bath now?

-Poor, long-suffering Peter.

I've not exactly had a great day, either, you know?

I had a bit of a funny phone call this afternoon.

-Oh, yeah?

Heavy breather, was it?

-At my age?

-Well, it's not like they can see you.

Or else you'd get many more.

-Mm, nice save.

-Mm.

-It was the Daily Mirror, actually.

-It was the what?

-Yeah, I didn't want to tell you.

I didn't want you worrying.

And to be honest, I handled it rather well, I think.

It started off all rather normally, pretending to ask questions about the opening times at the Keep and stuff.

And then, suddenly, it got a little bit personal, asking questions about me, about the family, about the whole radio thing.

-How do you know it was the Daily Mirror?

-Well, I don't actually know.

It just had a sort of Daily Mirror vibe.

-So... Oh, anyway, Maggie, it's bound to be the local rag, and I hope you told them to bugger off.

-Yeah, of course I did.

Except for I didn't use the word "bugger," obviously.

Because I thought they might be recording it.

-Ah, see, you're learning, then.

-Funny.

-So, what exactly did they ask about our family?

-Oh, I don't know.

What's to ask?

What's to tell?

No skeletons in our closet, thank you very much.

Go and have your bath, then.

Because I want one, too.

-Yeah, right.

[ Indistinct chatter ] ♪♪ -Oh, God.

Excuse me a minute.

Sorry, I'll be back in a minute.

What are you doing here?

You knew I was on shift tonight, you've left mom on her own.

-Oh, no!

Do you think she's gonna have a wild party and trash the house?

-No, I think she doesn't like being left on her own, especially at night.

[ Fruit machine beeps ] [ Coins clatter and tumble ] -Nice one, Darren.

Maybe you're the one who shouldn't be left on his own.

-Look, Mum is fine.

She's all better now 'cause you came home and saved the day, didn't you?

So, why don't you go and do that again?

Because I'm gonna stay here and have a drink with my girlfriend, on the house.

-Yeah, it's, uh, it's not on the house.

All right, Alex?

-Syd.

-You do know you can do better than him, right?

-Absolutely.

-Hm.

-£1.95.

-Seriously?

-Seriously.

We've got a delivery tomorrow, and he's been stock checking.

Unless you want to get caught stealing from a notorious gangland crime boss, who runs a small village pub in Thurlbury.

-Oh, yeah, you still don't believe it, huh?

All right.

Do yourself a favor.

Next time he leaves you on your own, go up to his flat, the cabinet by the window.

White door.

-Why?

What am I gonna find there?

-A gun.

-A gun?

Really?

So not a little teddy bear, like you keep in your room, then?

-What?

Shut up.

No, I don't.

-Yeah, you do.

It's a little koala thing in a red ribbon.

-No, it isn't.

And what are you doing searching through all my drawers anyway?

-You've never been to Brian's flat, you knobhead.

-Haven't I?

Oh, well, there's one way to find out, isn't there?

Chief.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -[ Scoffs ] [ Sighs ] ♪♪ [ Snoring ] ♪♪ -Please, tell me you've misspelled "salmon."

-Does that seem likely?

-Shalom?

-Peter, it's my regular appointment.

I go every month.

-She has just won the lottery, you know?

She might not even be there.

-Yeah, but she might.

And if she's not, she's not.

My hair desperately needs attention anyway.

-Mm.

Yes.

I mean, no.

It isn't.

No, that wasn't such a good save there, was it?

-Not really, no.

Look, Peter, I know this last week has been hard.

And you've been my rock, you have.

If it hadn't been for you, I don't even know.

I think it's starting to wear you down a bit, isn't it?

-Absolutely not.

Absolutely not.

And if I seem distracted, it's work, that's all.

It's not about you, it's not all this, it's just work.

-Just Headmastery things?

-Yeah.

Boring, dull, teachers every day.

Headmastery stuff.

-And you would tell me if it wasn't?

-I would tell you if it wasn't.

-Thanks.

♪♪ ♪♪ -[ Groans ] What's the time?

-About 9:00.

-[ Gasps ] 9:00.

-I've already taken him.

-Oh.

10 years, Kelly.

In all that time, we've never, ever spent a night apart.

I just...

I don't understand what's happening to us.

-It's the lie, Neil.

It's the lie of it all.

-You know, I promised you a castle.

-What?

-When we first got together.

When we first started seeing each other, I promised you a castle.

Hell, I promised you the world, I was... Oh, I was gonna be rich and successful.

Remember my old guitar?

I used to play you those songs.

-Yeah, I remember.

You thought you'd be the next Liam Gallagher.

-Noel.

Not that it matters, I just...

I'm just trying to explain that I did this for you.

-For me?

I wanted a sports car, did I?

A luxury cruise?

I wanted you to quit your job?

-No.

No, I'm not saying that.

I know you didn't.

I just... Oh, you don't understand.

-I don't think either of us do.

♪♪ Because when I say the problem here is the lie, that's not the one I'm talking about.

♪♪ -Do you know what time it is?

-Mate, I don't even know what day it is.

-Oh, well, there's a surprise.

All right, I'm taking Mum to see Nanna.

Then I'm at the reserves again tonight, so this time can you not... Really?

Right there?

What if Mum had come in here?

-She knocks.

You might want to try it sometime.

And you might want to try that sometime, too.

It might chill you out a bit.

-I'm chilled enough, thanks.

-Yeah, you look it.

-Look, can you just at least put it in... [ Sighs ] What's this?

-It's just skunk.

-Mm, and this?

-A bit of speed.

[ Squeaks ] -What about that?

-I don't know what that's doing there.

-Seriously, Liam, what's wrong with you?

What, you miss Dad so much, you want to go and share a cell with him, is that it?

Sorry.

Just try and think of Mum, all right?

-She's been through enough.

--When's the last time you thought of Mum?

You came back here to take care of her, did you?

Left your big, exciting job in the city to come back and work in a boatyard and play "Baywatch" every night.

Yeah, of course you did.

How much did you lose this time, Alex?

Yeah, you're the good one, all right, aren't you?

[ Sighs ] Can I have Kevin back, please?

-Kevin?

-Kevin.

-Oh.

[ Squeaks ] ♪♪ -Becks, I'm just heading to the agency to see where they're at with that shop space.

Do you want to come?

-Not really.

And in about three seconds you won't want to, either.

-What?

-So, do you want the good news or the bad news?

-Sorry?

-Play along, Jay.

Say, "Good news, please, Becks."

-Good news, please, Becks.

-It's positive, by the way.

Just in case that wasn't clear.

-Is this... Are you serious?

-No, I just fancied playing a particularly cruel practical joke on you.

-Oh, my God!

[ Both laugh ] -Oh, Becks!

Oh, my God, what am I doing?

I shouldn't pick you up, I'm sorry.

-Jay, Jay, I think it's fine.

A couple of spins around the kitchen at this stage is perfectly safe.

-Ah!

I don't...

I don't believe it.

It's amazing, I just...

I mean...

Wait, what's the bad news?

-Yeah, the bad news.

Your mother's about to become unbearable.

-Oh.

[ Both laugh ] [ Children shouting ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -The entire school is no smoking.

-Uh, I don't smoke.

-Good, but if you do, then you have to go out the gates and over the road.

-Well, if I do decide to take it up, I'll know where to go, thanks.

-Wear this at all times.

-Thanks.

-No, at all times.

-Oh, yes.

-Is this gonna take much longer?

-It'll take as long as it takes.

This is very short notice for a visitor.

Very short notice.

Right, please read this and sign it.

-Did you read it?

-Sure.

-What did it say?

-Karen, for crying out loud, he's signed the form, okay?

Is that it?

-Yes.

-Thank you.

-Right.

-Come on, I'll introduce you to our Headmaster.

-Oh, no, you won't.

He's on the phone.

-No, I won't.

He's on the phone.

Staff room coffee it is, then.

It's awful.

You're gonna hate it.

-Hang on!

Have you got a car?

-Um, I do have a car, yes.

-Well, if it's on the premises, then you will need to display a visitor permit in the window.

-It's not on school premises.

It's over the road.

-Oh, that would've been handy if you smoked.

You could've sat in it.

Come on, let's get out of here before she insists on giving you a full cavity search, too.

-Excuse me?

[ Desk drawer closes ] Disgusting!

[ Door opens ] So, that Marcus Ormansby is here.

-Oh, okay.

-You do know his books are all violence, murder, and death?

It really doesn't seem very appropriate for the school.

-I don't know, have you met 3C?

-I mean, I'm all for them learning to appreciate literature.

But still, I mean, it's a bit like the music teacher bringing in... Sid Vicious or someone.

-Yes, well, given that he's been dead for the best part of 40 years, that probably would be somewhat alarming for them.

Although, again, have you met 3C?

-[ Sighs ] I'm glad you can see the funny side, Headmaster.

But if you ask me, Miss Wheadon is really starting to take advantage of this whole radiogate business.

I mean, it's just not on.

-I don't know what you mean.

-You see, I don't want to speak out of turn or anything, but... it almost felt like she blackmailed you into this.

-Mm, picked up on that, did you?

Oh, I can't say I blame her, to be honest.

You know, she's got every right to be angry at the moment.

-Well, not with you!

Listen, I...

If you ever need to talk or anything.

-Thank you, Karen.

I appreciate that.

I actually really do.

♪♪ [ Doorbell jingles ] -With you in a second.

♪♪ ♪♪ -Hello.

♪♪ -"And then Batman pulled off his head, and his head came off, and the blood was all coming out of his neck, and then Batman went home and had a bath and went to bed.

The end."

-Yes, right.

Yes, that was very good, Tommy.

Very, uh... -Descriptive.

-Descriptive, yes.

-Uh, yes.

Absolutely.

Uh, potential copyright infringement aside, it was really quite...

I'm gonna give you a "B".

Plus.

B plus.

-Yes!

-Right, who wants to go next?

-Josh?

"The Prince and the Treasure."

"One day, the Queen went out shopping.

So, the King and Prince decided to go to the Magic Fortress to have a war.

But the Queen rang the King to see what they wanted for dinner.

So the Prince went off to explore the Magic Fortress by himself.

The Magic Fortress was a dangerous place full of ghosts and skeletons.

But the Prince wasn't scared.

He went all down to the haunted dungeons all by himself.

-Dad!

-...where he found this secret treasure.

♪♪ ♪♪ And so the King and Prince took the treasure back to the palace.

But when the Queen saw what they'd brought, she said that they were the bravest and cleverest men in the whole land.

-It's got to be drugs, hasn't it?

Some kind of drop off.

-"They had fish and chips and ice cream."

-Jesus, Neil, someone might've even been watching you when you.

-There was no one there.

-"And they lived happily ever after."

-We have to call the police.

-Do we?

-Neil?

-"Forever and ever, amen."

-Very good, Josh!

Well done.

-Excitement, adventure, and, more importantly, a happy ending.

Hallmarks of any good story.

Can I take a look?

You've even drawn a picture.

I'm gonna give you an A-plus.

-Before you start, I just, um...

I want to say something.

I am so sorry, Kelly.

I really am.

I listened to gossip, as usual.

Started putting two and two together, as usual.

And wound up getting, well, four, in your case, actually.

But still, I shouldn't have said anything.

Even if I didn't realize that they were planning on broadcasting the whole thing, which, by the way, I didn't.

Just saying.

But I am sorry, Kelly.

-Forget it.

Head forward.

-And also, I'm not trying to put a positive spin on things or anything, but, you know, maybe it's kind of good that it is out there now.

Big secrets like that, they can eat you up if you sit on them.

And, you know, it is amazing, isn't it?

I mean, God, I haven't congratulated you yet, have I?

I mean, you and Neil, you must be beyond happy.

I can't imagine how it feels.

It must be life-changing.

-[ Sniffles ] -To be honest, I wasn't even sure that you would still even be here.

-[ Sobs ] -Kelly!

Kelly.

I swear, if I could take it back.

-I don't give a...about your stupid interview, Maggie.

So, you flapped your gob to half the county, so what?

-Well, technically, I only flapped it to one guy.

He was the one who flapped it to a -- No, that isn't important.

-[ Sniffles ] I don't care about any of that.

-So...what's wrong, then?

-[ Sniffles ] I thought we were happy, Maggie.

It's our anniversary this Friday.

-Oh, right.

-10 years.

I booked a surprise.

I arranged it a couple of months ago.

Spend a night away in the very same B&B that we spent our honeymoon.

-That's nice.

-Not for him, it isn't.

He wants to whisk us off to Egypt and some five-star luxury cruise liner.

-Oh.

That's...pretty nice, too.

-It's all been a lie.

-What has?

-Our marriage.

Our life.

I was happy.

And he wasn't.

Ever.

It was just all one, big disappointment.

-Don't be... -I was just one big... -...ridiculous.

I was still working at the school when you two were just kids.

6 years old, and he was in love with you even then.

And he's not disappointed in you.

He's disappointed in himself because he couldn't offer you the life he thought you deserved.

-I had everything I wanted.

-Yeah, but that doesn't make any difference, Kelly, because he's a man.

And that's what they do.

They pretend to be evolved.

And they're not, really.

They're still effectively apes, just driven by their stupid need to provide for their woman.

And then they torture themselves when they don't.

Or when they think they don't.

I mean, Peter is still no different now.

He still bottles the odd thing up just to protect me.

But, you know, I wouldn't have him any other way.

[ Cellphone rings ] -Do you think he was really in love with me when I was 6?

-Oh, Kelly, trust me, he was in love.

Oh, it's Jamie.

I think I'd better -- Hello?

-Mum?

-Yeah?

-Are you all right?

-What's wrong?

-No, no, nothing's wrong.

Uh, well, I was just phoning to, uh... to tell you.

Uh...

Uh, just to let you know.

-I'm pregnant!

-Say again?

-I'm pregnant!

-Aaah!

[ Laughs ] -I wanted to tell her.

-I'd have had it by the time you told her.

[ Maggie shrieks with joy ] -Look, don't tell Dad yet.

I will.

Yeah.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

I've got to go.

-Oh, is everything all right?

-Everything is amazing.

But I can't tell you because I've got to tell Peter first.

And if I don't tell Peter first, I'll get into trouble 'cause I've just told them not to tell him, and so I want to tell him first.

Anyway, in summary, I've got to go.

-Oh, Maggie, gown.

-Gown, gown!

Yeah, and if you want to come back tomorrow, I can fit you in at the same time.

-Really?

-Sure.

And, thanks, Maggie.

-Aw.

Aw!

-Yeah, okay.

-Ah.

-[ Sighs ] ♪♪ -All right, mate?

-All right.

-Thanks.

Cheers.

♪♪ -Sod it.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ Whoa.

[ School bell rings ] ♪♪ -Ooh!

Oh, sorry!

-What are you doing?

-Maggie, what is it?

What's wrong?

-Nothing's wrong.

Everything is wonderful.

The most amazing news!

Um, Karen, if we could just have five minutes.

Uh, yes, of course.

-[ Giggles ] ♪♪ Guess what.

No, actually, I'm gonna let Peter tell you.

-We... -So, dinner round theirs tonight.

Aaahh!

-Hey.

Mwah!

-By the way, did you know you've got a bottle of ketchup in your pocket?

-Uh, yes.

Yes, I did, yeah.

-Okay, good.

Bye.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-I am gonna be a grandad.

-Wow!

Congratulations.

-Thank you.

♪♪ ♪♪ [ School bell rings ] [ Both laugh ] -Listen, I just wanted -- -I was just wonder -- -Sorry, go on.

-No, I'm sorry, it's my fault.

I'm always doing that.

What were you going to say?

-Oh, nothing.

I was just wondering, uh...

I was just, well...

I was going to ask you.

[ Knock on door ] -What?!

-Oh!

-Oh!

Oh, no!

God, sorry.

-No, it's fine.

-No, it's not.

No, sorry.

Oh, Maggie.

-Hi.

Sorry, I didn't mean to...

I was just looking for Roxanna, but I can see that she's not there.

Marcus, hello.

What are you doing here?

-Uh... -Oh, right, actually, funnily enough, I was hoping for a chance to talk to you, too.

So if you've got a spare few minutes.

-Maybe some other time, yeah?

Uh, I'd better get back for my dog.

-Buster is the dog.

-Yes, Buster.

Leave him too long, and he makes his feelings rather messily known.

[ Laughter ] -Does he?

-Uh...

I really enjoyed it.

Um...

Thanks for inviting me.

-Oh, no, thank you for coming.

The kids loved it.

I knew they would.

-Um...

Right, then.

Actually, I was wondering if you were doing anything.

Later, I mean.

As in this evening.

I thought maybe a drink.

I mean, say if you're busy.

-I'd love to.

Text me, yeah?

-You mean you and Marcus?

Oh, I think that's great.

I do.

Really, the two of you together is just... -What do you want, Maggie?

-Well, nothing.

Like I said, I was just looking for... Actually, I do have some news.

And I know that things aren't, you know, right now, but... Oh.

-Oh, uh, yeah, obviously, I've already got all your ideas.

But if you have any more, just feel welcome to come along.

As it says, open to all.

-Well, I'll have to see if we're free that evening.

Jamie and Becka are pregnant.

Well, Becka mostly.

-[ Sighs ] That's wonderful.

Give them my best, yeah?

-I will.

[ School bell rings ] Jill.

♪♪ [ Door opens ] ♪♪ -Please, tell me it wasn't all a lie, Neil.

Tell me you were happy.

I mean, before.

-Happy?

Kelly.

You've never done anything but make me happy since the first day we met.

All I ever wanted was to try and do the same for you.

-You already had.

Every single day for 10 years.

Longer, actually.

If only we thought to tell each other, eh?

-We have now, eh?

-Yeah, we have.

Which just leaves us with this.

A solution to a problem we never even had.

And the one that's killing us.

-No, it's my fault.

-No, it's not.

It's ours.

[ Sighs ] But what are we gonna do?

Shove it in the attic?

Bury it?

Put it back where we found it?

No, we'd know where it is, and the temptation would always be there.

And not just for you, either.

Don't think I haven't dipped into it, as well.

I've got six new outfits upstairs that you never even noticed.

-Actually, I noticed.

-I wish we could just magic it away in a puff of smoke, as if it never happened, like in a fairy tale.

You see, Neil, that castle you promised, it would never have made us happy.

Even Josh knew that.

♪♪ -I guess he's smarter than both of us.

♪♪ I was never gonna be the next Noel Gallagher, was I?

-[ Scoffs ] You weren't even gonna be Liam.

-I don't know about that.

I am about to set fire to a giant pile of money.

I'd say that's pretty rock 'n' roll.

Wouldn't you?

-Are you serious?

Well, wait, um... You know that last outfit I bought?

Well, there's these designer shoes that would go great with it.

-Well, it's funny you say that because I might have sort of promised Josh I was gonna get him one of those drone thingies, you know?

-[ Chuckles ] ♪♪ -I reckon that ought to do it.

-[ Laughs ] Yeah.

And they both lived happily ever after.

♪♪ -Cheers, mate.

♪♪ -Hello, Alex.

You picked a bad time to start photobombing.

Especially wearing that.

I really must say thank you to the radiogate woman.

If we ever get to meet her.

-I've got your money.

-Do you not think it's a little bit too late for all of that?

-No, really, I've got it.

I swear, I have.

I'll get it for you tonight, straight after shift.

All 12 grand.

-20.

Interest.

-20?

Yeah, I've got 20.

-Okay.

As it happens, we're staying over at the local pub.

The Conqueror.

Do you know it?

Oh, what am I saying?

Of course you do.

You grew up around here, didn't ya?

You see, we know that now, since we found out your real name.

Alex Myer.

You've still got family here, haven't ya?

Mum, little brother, innit?

Oh, and, uh, grandma.

-I've got the money.

-Good.

We'll be in the bar until 11:00.

♪♪ [ Engine starts ] -I mean, do I go, or do I not go?

I mean, half of the stuff she's doing is stuff that I've already arranged anyway.

I think.

I mean, you know, I don't even know if they're gonna go for a float.

And I specifically wanted a float.

In fact, I asked Jill to come and ask me about a float when I was in charge of the Q & A.

So do I do that now?

-We definitely told her about the baby, didn't we?

-Yeah.

-Oh.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Not for tonight, all this.

Back to business.

Have you picked a name yet?

-Well, if it's a boy, we're thinking Tarquin.

And if it's a girl, Jezebel.

-Tarquin or Jezebel.

-Yes.

Yes, I like it.

-Uh, she's winding you up, Mum.

-Yes, I know she is.

That's why I winded her back.

-Wow, village anniversary hijack aside, you really do seem a lot more chilled out than usual.

-Let's just say that your happy news couldn't have come at a better time.

-Well, it wasn't planned.

Uh, the timing of the news, I mean.

-Well, it's not just that anyway.

Because I am much more chilled out.

I am done being upset.

And I'm done being angry.

I'm just not going to let any of it get to me any more.

I mean, there was a woman called me yesterday from the Daily Mirror, and I just wasn't bothered.

-Daily Mirror?

-It wasn't the Daily Mirror.

-No, it might've been the Daily Mirror, you don't know.

Anyway, she phoned pretending to be interested in the Keep.

Then she started asking these weird personal questions about the family.

-What, our family?

-No, the Sopranos.

-So, what sort of questions, Mum?

-Oh, stupid ones.

I don't know, probably looking for gossip.

-Ironic.

-Well, you know, they're just trying to drag it all out, aren't they?

Hoping for a, you know, people in glass houses kind of angle.

[ Chuckles ] Well, good luck with that.

Because we are an open book, as it happens.

Always have been.

In fact, I was saying that to Kelly this morning.

Oh, I meant to tell you that she's right off the list now.

That is all sorted.

-Good.

-It's never good to sit on secrets, is it?

Because they eat away at you.

And they always come back to -- -A toast, I think, to Becka.

Jamie and Tarquin or Jezebel.

-Becka, Jamie, Tarquin, or Jezebel.

Or Maggie.

[ Glasses clink ] -See you soon.

-See you.

See you later.

-All right.

-Dad.

-Your mother's wrong.

Not all secrets are bad.

Not if they're protecting the right people.

It was a long time ago, hm?

Hey.

Hey.

Today's the best day of your life.

And mine.

Come here.

Hm.

Bye.

-Bye, Dad.

-What was all that about, then?

-Oh, you know.

Fatherly stuff.

-Oh.

-Yeah.

Right.

[ Engine starts ] -Bye.

♪♪ [ Laughter ] -I've only got a yard!

[ Laughs ] -Well, uh, this is me.

-Oh.

-Can I give you a lift home?

-Oh, no, no.

I only live around the corner, actually.

-Oh.

Well, I could give you a lift around the corner, if you like.

-That's literally the side of my house there.

[ Chuckles ] -Oh!

Um... Oh, God.

I'm kind of out of practice with all this.

I haven't had a date since, uh... Not that I'm saying this is a date.

I mean, when I asked you, I did sort of, um... -Call me tomorrow.

-I'll call you tomorrow.

-Night, Marcus.

-Night, Jill.

♪♪ ♪♪ [ Engine starts ] ♪♪ [ Engine revs ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -To order "The Trouble with Maggie Cole" on DVD, visit ShopPBS.org, or call 1-800-PLAY-PBS.

Also available with PBS Passport and on Amazon Prime Video.

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