[dance music playing] [Team Candace] Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

Go, Candace!

[chanting fades out] Shh!

Yeah.

Still useless.

[theme music playing] Tessa!

Tessa... No, no, no.

Haere mai.

Haere mai.

Come here.

-You have a visitor.

-[Tessa] No.

Tell her I'm busy.

I'm contagious.

I've got rabies, I have left the building.

Tessa, meeting with old friends... ah, it's very... She's not... she's from work.

She's... [gasps] Kelly, Michelle and Beyoncé!

What the actual f**?

Honey... What happened to you?

-[exhales deeply] -Baby, baby, baby.

Hon... oh, you look like s**.

-Ah thanks... -Come.

-Come on.

Yeah, yeah.

-Oh... Oh.

Yeah.

That's good.

Oh, s**.

Sorry.

What are you doing here, Candace?

Well, looking for you.

What are you doing here?

What's this?

Mate, the weather has been fabulous, hasn't it?

It's perfect for these... hydrogardenias... Come on, Tessa.

What the f** is going on?

Truthfully?

I'm doing an article on the spinal unit.

-Really?

-Yeah.

There's a scandal brewing.

...sex, drugs, organ harvesting.

You know, after our Zoom, and a wee chat with your hot husband Karl, I just had to come see for myself.

'Cause there is no way, in a million years-- there is no way I believed that you-- you, of all people, are now... What do you want to be called?

-Tessa... -No.

Like your-- your pronouns.

-She is Tessa... -Para?

-Para?

What?

What do you...?

-Handicapped.

-No.

-Differently-abled?

-What are you-- did you Google it?

-Disabled?

No!

What are you talking-- this-- this... I'm an able-bodied human.

-[laughs] -You are... I am Tessa.

And this is nothing.

And I'll be as good as new in no time.

-Literally no time.

-Well, we literally have no time.

Okay.

Well then, I'm on it.

Okay.

Do you need me to take over the article?

-I've got everything on here.

-Absolutely not.

You know that my Auntie Sharon lost the use of one leg because of a tumour in her back.

Well, she swore off gluten, reduced all the stress in her life, did a full colonic irrigation, now she's fighting fit.

-Got it.

-You know, what you sent in wasn't your best work, babe.

Greta wants more primary sources, okay?

I'm on it.

I persuaded her to give you an extension given your circumstances.

That cheeky bitch is after your job.

She doesn't have it in her.

She does now that you're ‘differently-abled'.

F**.

Ooh.

No, no.

Can you... -[Candace] Greta... -Need a bit of purchase.

You know, f** me, she's a full para, or handicapped.

I don't-- she's not sure what she wants to be called yet.

But I'm gonna go with handicapped.

[bell rings] Ah, excuse you.

Can I help you?

I'd like to book the van out for this afternoon.

-Please.

-You'll need someone to drive it.

Yeah... But can I book it out?

Where are you going?

The nearest nursing home.

[exhales] One minute.

Yeah, hi.

Ah, it's Tessa Rivers.

She wants to go to an old people's home.

Okay.

[breathing heavily] Malo, Marty [breathes heavily, inhales deeply, breathes heavily] Is there a problem, Tessa?

No.

I just want to book out the van.

Ooh.

[breathes heavily] Should I be concerned?

-[breathes heavily] -No.

-Pearl said... -If I don't finish my article, I'll lose my job.

Perhaps your friend Candace could help?

-No.

-[Todd] Well, unfortunately it's completely out of the question for you to leave their premises for work.

Tessa, you are here to work on yourself.

And you could begin by tuning your frequency, by... using your vibration to channel to the many manifestations of both the inner and outer being that is the sumptuous illumination... Yes.

Todd.

[clicks tongue] Yeah, that's what I'll do.

I'm gonna go and channel something.

[Todd] Well done, you.

Oh.

You're going to thank me, I promise.

Pearl.

Did you see how Happy she was with what I said?

Come I need somebody to watch me while I do my affirmations.

Patsy... hey.

Patsy!

Hey there.

-Wakey, wakey.

-Ah.

Hey, I was just wondering if you could help me with something.

‘Course, love.

How much do you need?

No.

No, no.

I wanted to ask you a few questions for an article about being elderly and in care.

-Who is?

-You are...?

Elderly and in care.

I'm not old.

-Could you pretend?

-What?

-To be old?

-Mm-hmm.

Why should I do that?

-For my article?

-What do I get?

-What do you want?

-Peppermint chocolate... Oddfellows... four packets of fruit pasties... ...and some weed.

-But, I don't know how to get... -Ah... lying has a price.

They were actually doing their calculation by an average horse's weight.

So the Shetland pony ended up overdosing on the ketamine.

Hey, that Karl is a good-looking dude, eh?

Is he the dad of that kid?

My daughter?

Yeah.

Karl is her dad.

Oh, right.

Chicks actually really dig dudes with kids in tow.

Did you know that?

So if I was you, I'd get better pretty quickly because, you know, someone's gonna want to root that ASAP.

Without a shadow of a doubt.

[laughs] [gagging] -Thank god for that.

-You're welcome.

I reckon I should talk to him about micro-dosing.

-What?

-For pain.

Micro-dosing.

I've just been-- where's your head at, Tessa?

We've been talking about micro-dosing for the last two hours and fifteen minutes.

It's the way-- Hi.

Ah, sorry to interrupt.

I'm looking for John Redfern.

I'm his wife.

Hello, Christmas.

Hi.

Oh.

John's got a wife?

I didn't know about that.

Well, he's certainly punching above his waist.

[laughs] I was actually in his room.

So what happened was that this old misery guts put the heebee jeebies up Ed, who is this young Christian guy.

I'll show you where he is, eh?

You can just point me in the general direction.

-[Tessa] No, no.

I'll take you.

-[Dan] So, what was your name again?

-[Robyn] Ah, Robyn.

-[Dan] Robyn.

That's a beautiful name.

It's like a bird.

-Do you need help or...?

No, no.

I'm fine.

-Is that with a ‘I' or an ‘Y?'

-Ah, with a ‘Y'.

-Mmm.

-Would you like me to push you?

No, no.

I'm fine.

[Dan] How's your archery, Robin Hood?

[laughs] You're more of a Maid Marian.

[laughs] Hey, What shade of hair is that?

-Ah, auburn.

-Auburn.

It's gorgeous.

-Hey, do you guys want me to come with you?

-[Tessa] No.

You do?

Okay.

[exhales] Oh gosh.

[Tessa] Where's John?

He's gone.

Not dead, just like, not here.

How long will he be?

[Edward] Erm, I don't know.

Erm, he just cursed, and said he doesn't want to speak to Robyn.

So, erm... yeah.

Erm, I don't know where he is.

[Tessa] Oh... okay.

Thanks, Ed.

Phew... thank Christ.

That woman is relentless.

I give you one job.

Sorry.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

What is your problem?

Can't you just take the hint?

Can't you just stop being an a**hole?

When you stop harassing me.

Ed and I are gonna give you some privacy.

Yeah?

I don't need privacy.

Robyn's leaving.

I've got nothing to say to you.

-Please, just go.

-Come on, Ed.

Ed!

Stand your ground.

-Look at me.

Look at me.

-I told you, I'm not doing this with you.

Okay?

[Tessa] It's okay.

Come on.

Ed!

You're rolling on thin ice, boy.

Ed!

[cries, sniffles] Thirty years... Thirty years we've been together... ...for better or worse.

[sniffs] Remember?

Things change.

People change.

I don't love you any more.

[sobs] [Dan] Oh, hey.

It's Tessa!

My new-- oh.

Rude.

Hey, Robyn's really nice, eh?

Really, Dan?

I'm actually into older chicks... I've suddenly realised.

Like, not older, older chicks, not like Patsy.

But slightly older chicks... -...like Robyn.

-Oh, they're women Dan, not f**ing poultry.

Hey, do you reckon you could put in a good word for me with Robyn?

With John's wife?

Why not?

He's clearly not into her any more.

-[sighs heavily] -Please, Tessa.

Shut up, Dan.

Just put in a good word, just say, 'Oh, Dan's such a neat guy'.

He's really big in the pants department.

Look, I need some weed and some chocolate, unless you can help me with that this conversation's over.

Well, I can help you with the weed.

Check this.

Jesus Christ, Dan.

Yeah.

I got it from the Dark Web.

I got confused about how much an ounce was.

Holy s**.

Who are you?

[whistling] Oh, hey.

What up, dog?

Oh.

‘Sup, bro.

Hey, erm... do you know where Tessa has gone?

Oh, yeah.

She's gone to go and get some chocolate.

Oh.

Chicks, am I right?

Yeah.

But actually she said that if you were to come in here, I needed to talk to you about a business venture her and I are doing.

-Bro, business venture.

-Yeah.

Pull up a chair.

I have all these apps coming out of my head.

Well, have you heard of marijuana?

Ah.

Tessa not here?

-Hi.

-Hey.

Erm... sorry.

Wilson, we're actually in the middle of something quite important.

Are you looking for Tessa as well, or...?

Yeah.

Physio.

Oh!

Look at those calves.

-[laughs] -Oh.

-Thank you for noticing -[laughs] [laughs] Do you-- do you lift?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I do a bit, actually.

Just amateur comps at the moment, but, er, looking to go pro soon though.

I can tell.

I can tell.

Do the mahi, get the treats, eh?

-[laughs] -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do the mahi, get the treats is how I live.

That's my motto.

Erm, I'd love to chat, but I've got to go find Tessa for our session.

-So... -[Dan] Cool.

See ya, Wilson.

-See ya.

-Hey.

So this business venture, -have you heard of-- -Oh, I should probably go find Tessa as well.

-Nice talking to you, Dan.

-Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But, erm... yeah.

Lovely to talk to you too, mate.

Just come round anytime.

[inhales deeply] [Inhales deeply] Boo!

[sighs heavily] What are you doing here?

I just thought I'd surprise my girl.

Did you bring my spare laptop charger?

-Mine has gone walkabout.

-[laughs] -No, sorry.

I forgot.

-And I need... peppermint chocolate, fruit pasties and Oddfellows.

[exhales] -Look, I'm really sorry.

-[makes kissing noise] Because of you, Candace came here, in person, to tell me my work is s**.

-[sighs heavily] -I've got no interviewees, and I've got to make s** up.

What the hell were you thinking?

Shh...!

Shh!

Shh!

Well, babe, isn't it better that they know now?

Well, how's that?

All I needed was a little bit of time to figure out... Time?

Time to what, babe?

Like... What if you don't get better?

That's not an option!

-Maybe we need to... -Look... you two are gonna have to vacate the library if you do not keep your voices down.

-Sorry.

-Okay.

-Sorry.

-[sighs heavily] You know what, babe.

No.

Okay?

I know you don't want to talk about it.

But maybe we need to start preparing for the worst.

Your worst?

Or my worst.

‘Cause they are totally different.

-That's not fair.

-Neither is this.

[sighs heavily] What is it, Karl?

The dishwasher and washing machine seem to be broken.

So... do you think, erm, maybe you could put some money in my account?

How much?

Like a hundred?

-[keypad tones] -A couple of hundred?

Two hundred.

A couple of hundred bucks?

-[sighs] -Thanks babe, you're the best.

[Karl laughs] [makes kissing noise] Ah, you found her.

Yeah.

Nice job, eh.

-[laughs] -[laughs] You are late for our session.

Yeah.

Well, I'll skip this one, thanks.

[scoffs] That's not really an option.

-I've got work to do.

-I've got work to do.

So... [exhales] And if I can't do my work, I will have to let Todd know.

So... [clicks tongue] Come on, let's go.

What's worse?

Todd?

Or physio with Arnie's love child?

Can you get this out?

It's a classic.

[Karl] Babe... Go on.

Might be just what you need.

Okay.

Oh!

Babe, babe!

Oh, and, ah... don't forget to transfer me the money.

[laughs] [thump] I can tell by your face that you're not trying.

Well, don't look at my face.

Oh!

Bitch is gonna kill us if you don't do what she says.

Tessa, I'm here to help you get to wherever it is you are physically able to get to.

So, let's see what you can do, eh?

Let's go.

Come on.

Here we go.

Ready?

-[sniffs] -Alright.

[Walking Tessa] You can do it, it's easy!

Yeah.

And now try to move this.

[Walking Tessa] Ready!

Okay!

Move that leg!

Move that leg!

Move it!

Move!

Go!

Go!

Go!

Go!

-[Walking Tessa] Move that leg!

-You can breathe too if you want to.

That's good, that's good.

Okay, cool.

Let's try something else.

Alright.

Tessa... -[breathes heavily] -...kick me.

Kick me.

Wah!

In the face.

Wah!

Just right there.

[clicks tongue] -[sniffs] -That's cool.

You don't have to.

Violence is not okay.

-So, let's not kick people in the face anyway.

-Give me an T!

Give me an E!

Give me an S-S-A!

I'm done... okay?

[Wilson] Let's try something else, eh?

Mix it up a bit.

Fifteen more minutes?

Yeah?

-[loud crash] -Ooh.

Ah, I'll be right back.

[grunts] Are you alright?

[indistinct chatter] You're good.

You're good.

-Three, two... -[general chatter] You two... you two have got to stop... No, seriously, are you alright?

-Mm-hmm.

-Are you good?

-You know, she's faking it, eh?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Who?

-Patsy.

-No... -[Dan] Yeah.

-[Tessa] Really?

I've seen her around at night time.

It's so freaky.

I have it also, on good authority, that Pete is f**ing Nurse Karen.

-What...?

-Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan] He's also dogging Raylene, the physio.

-Really?

-Big time.

-Are you the good authority?

-Yeah.

I've heard them, huffing and puffing, you know?

Whimpering away in the bathroom.

And Ed is madly in love with Khalid.

-Right?

-What?

Oh, guys.

Come on, it's obvious.

Well, it's not that obvious.

I mean, sure, you can tell Ed has got a crush on Khalid, but... ...doesn't everyone?

Yeah.

Amen, girlfriend.

Hey, when are you gonna stop upsetting Robyn?

Yeah.

She's a goddess.

She deserves better.

-Better?

-Yeah.

Better than you.

Well, one day she might not be there, John.

-[Dan] Mm.

-I don't want to talk about it, guys.

Okay?

And then a knight in shining armour is gonna swoop in -and snap her up.

-You?

You're gonna swoop on in and snap her up?

-Maybe.

-Oh, for f** sake, John, you're no prize.

Well, none of us are.

None of us have anything to offer a normal person.

Excuse me, I've got something to offer normal people.

-What's that, Chlamydia?

-No.

It's my personality, okay?

And that's... And that's why I've asked her out.

-What?

-Yeah.

I've asked her out.

And I think she'd go off like a frog in a sock.

Hey, you know, you're not into her any more.

Clearly.

So... I just thought, why not?

So, I asked her out.

I'm gonna f**ing kill you.

You wouldn't know a good woman if she slapped you in the face, mate.

-I'm gonna slap you in the face.

-Ah!

[Tessa] Jesus!

Hey.

-Hey!

Bring it down.

Guys... -[grunts] -[grunting] -Calm down.

-Hey, team, hey.

-[grunts] -Hey.

For god's sake, dudes.

-[grunts] Help!

-[grunts] -The only thing that's f**ed you is genetics.

[grunts] Ow!

-[screams] -Just calm down!

-Hey, why are you screaming?

-[screams] Okay, so... So, John has a major problem.

I'm gonna kill you.

Ooh.

Oh, that's not helpful, John.

There's been a misunderstanding.

No misunderstanding.

Dan is scum.

I've always looked up to you, John.

You're like a grandfather figure to me.

I'm ten years older than you!

Maybe, if you weren't such a d**, people would be nicer to you.

Ooh, that's hurtful, John.

Dan, how does that make you feel when John calls you a d**?

It's actually really upsetting.

I feel quite triggered right now, and not very safe.

-Of course.

-He is a d**.

Dan the d**.

Can I go?

I've got to write, and... And you are taking no responsibility whatsoever.

I was trying to break them up!

[scoffs] I have it, on very good authority, that you threw the first punch.

Oh, f** sake, Dan.

Ow!

You did throw the first punch, and she just punched me again.

Ow!

[groans] [breathes heavily] I was gonna to leave her anyway, you know... -[Tessa] Oh.

-...before I got paralysed.

Right.

You know, if that were true... then you wouldn't be so upset about Dan.

[scoffs] She deserves better than an idiot like that.

[exhales] She deserves better than an idiot like this as well.

Hey, Mum!

[Tessa] Hey, baby.

Dad said you needed these.

[Tessa] Ooh, you have no idea how happy I am to see you!

What you got?

And he said he's sorry.

He couldn't get any weed.

Are you still coming to the school camp?

-Yeah, of course.

-How?

I'm coming.

Don't you worry about that.

I promise.

[sighs heavily] Now, where's Daddy?

He's busy.

Erm, he asked Mackenzie if... he asked Mackenzie to drop me off, and bring you your stuff.

Is Mackenzie one of his friends?

I'm not too sure.

She comes over to help Dad sometimes, and me sometimes.

She?

Ah, what does-- what does she help with, eh?

Erm, everything that you used to do, but you were better at it though.

[exhales] Better at what?

Everything.

Except cooking.

Mackenzie is better at cooking.

And running.

She's better at running.

And she does running for fun.

Mmm.

Can't wait for camp, Mum.

[exhales] Got to go.

Mackenzie's waiting for me.

She's taking me to Maccas on the way home.

-Love you!

-Love you, too.

[Walking Tessa] So... you can't walk, you can't work, you're a suck mum, and your man has moved some awesome cooking and running b**, called Mackenzie, into your house.

What are you gonna do about it?

I'm ready to work.

Happy to hear it.

[theme music playing]