♪♪ Doc: You go to a gym, don't you?

Henry: Yes.

So think about this as a gym.

This is a place to work out.

You come in with, uh, a wish to develop a certain, um, set of muscles...

Yes.

...a certain muscle group.

In here, you have an opportunity to develop your emotional muscle group.

There's a chance to expand the range of what you can tolerate.

Most people have difficulty with certain kinds of feelings.

They'd rather choose pleasure over pain.

In here, you have a chance to develop a capacity to tolerate what's painful in life, especially with people.

Mm.

And if we can help you do that, we'll have helped you on this road to becoming a therapist, to becoming a more fully engaged person.

I -- I -- You know, academically, there's so much focus on anger and frustration and fear... Henry -- I have no idea, Henry.

How did my words affect you just now?

I -- I've -- I'm very grateful for them.

I -- I actually treasure them because... You're grateful?

I am.

So when you say grateful... Mm-hmm.

...you know what that does to me?

What?

It puts me on a pedestal, and it puts you one down.

It's a conventional way of responding to something in somebody who's just giving you something, but when you say grateful, it, um, it doesn't put you on an equal footing with me.

Well, I'm grateful for the story that Rebecca told.

You're more than grateful.

Do you know what you were feeling toward her?

I was feeling, uh... an understanding.

You were feeling an understanding.

That's not the best word.

I was feeling... And what feeling is that?

I was feeling intrigued.

That's a state of mind, but there's some core, primary feelings.

There aren't very many of them.

Remember, in the unconscious mind, people either want to make love to you or they want to kill you, and the rest of the feelings in between, that's just how life unfolds... Sure.

...and the variety of things that happen in between.

But essentially, in the unconscious experience, that's -- that's what we're contending with.

So in the moment, there's a chance that as you were listening to Rebecca, you were, uh, excited, stimulated, interested in who she is as a person.

I felt a kinship.

Is that a...

Identification.

I understand your experience.

You felt closer to her?

Do you?

Rebecca: What do you mean you understand my experience?

It's an experience that I've had.

-You were an escort?

-You were a prostitute?

No, on the other side of it, not that side.

-Oh.

-Tell us more.

So you -- you used an escort?

You -- you...

I used... You hired an escort?

I've hired many escorts.

Manny: Oh, man.

Well, did you have similar feelings to what Rebecca was describing, the -- the power, the anonymity?

I think to a certain extent, when you're on the other side of it, it's about other things.

For me, it was about being able to fulfill the sexual desire that I had, which was extremely high, while not having to deal with the attachments.

Stuart: And so you have commitment issues?

[ Laughter ] Well, when you trickle it down like that, you can say I have commitment issues.

I -- I'd say that I don't really like to be attached, and I don't like a lot of the things that women especially need from men.

I am -- am not interested in those feelings.

Stuart, remember you've heard me say in the unconscious mind, there's no such thing as the word no?

Assume that somewhere in his mind, he actually is interested in his relationships with other people and with women in particular.

Karina: Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

What do you think that happened in your life where you felt that you didn't want commitments anymore?

Henry: I've found that I would be in this constant cycle of -- of wanting to fulfill the sexual needs that I had, feeling a momentary sense of satisfaction and then right away wanted to chase another person, and you can only... What did you say?

You can only have sex the first time for the first time.

And then... -I -- I said that?

I think you did.

-Well done.

-Pretty good.

Manny: Can I...

I want to say something that I've noticed about you so far.

It's very little.

I just met you.

Henry: Sure.

But it seems to me that the way you protect yourself is by living in sort of this, like, intellectual space because you're -- you're almost saying something human.

You are -- Sorry.

That sounded very judgmental.

I did not mean that.

You're almost saying an emotion, but every time you start to dip down where she just told you to dip down... -Mm-hmm.

-...I feel like you pull out some academic thing that you read, and I'm curious why you're doing that.

Henry: I felt like I had gone out of control at a certain point, and, you know, I do take the feelings that I'm feeling, and I do try to understand where they're coming from and what they mean and how best to feel fulfilled in my life and for what I need.

And I've found that philosophy, music, art can give me a lot of fulfillment that I wasn't getting out of sex.

So I've tried to limit the amount of attachments that I have and try to understand the human condition.

But I would challenge you that... My frustration in this room always is that sometimes I feel like -- No offense, Doc -- we end up in this, like...

It's all sort of intellectual and we lose the real, like, we're actually fucking feeling.

-Yeah.

-Do you have a... See, even the way you're responding right now, it's making me upset because I -- I see you analyzing me like I'm a fucking... like a book or something.

All I was thinking was, at that second, was, "I understand.

I understand."

Doc: Well, it's early in the process.

Well, it's fine, but I'm just saying, I'm -- I'm very happy you're here, Henry.

It's great, but that, I think, just moving forward... You seem interested in Henry's connection to you.

To me?

To you.

No.

I'm just saying that if he's gonna be in the group, he should...That's all.

That's... What?

What?

Why are you laughing?

I'm laughing at your resistance to admitting that you want a connection with Henry.

What?

I did... And I'm wondering what that's about, if it's a macho thing or if it's, like, you feel like you guys are so different, that you're from two different planets, and you don't want to connect with someone like that.

Well, we are from two different planets.

Manny, how come -- How come Rebecca understands you at moments better than you seem to understand yourself?

Because Rebecca is really smart.

She is.

Yeah.

So are you.

She's been listening to you talk about your relationship with your father for years.

She knows something about you.

Stuart, could you put some words to that gesture?

It was almost verbal.

Stuart: I just...I don't like seeing Manny frustrated.

Why?

It frustrates me to see him frustrated, so that's what that was.

Thank you.

So were you annoyed with me?

No.

Okay.

So I... Rebecca: How come you never get angry with Doc?

I've never once heard you say, "I'm angry with you."

I've never heard you say that to Doc, and we say that to him all the time.

I know.

I actually like the fact that you guys can say that.

At first, it was a little freaky because I'm like, Why are you guys speaking to him like that?"

But...

They should be speaking to me with respect.

Exactly.

Yes.

Exactly.

They should be speaking to you with respect.

Hey, I feel close to you on that because when I first started coming here, I didn't really...

I'm still trying to figure out my relationship with Doc, honestly, and I had a really hard time telling him when I was angry with him.

I still maybe kind of do, uh, because I -- I -- I haven't talked to my dad in, like, 15 years.

He left when I was 10, so, um... Karina: I can't believe you're telling us this now.

You've never mentioned that.

Yeah.

I just don't talk about my...

I don't talk about my dad.

I don't talk about that.

Rebecca: You know what's interesting?

Is I get jealous because of your -- of you and Doc's relationship... Yeah.

...because you seem so close.

Doc: But she calls me Doc.

She does, but... Why doesn't she call me Ezra?

I think we should ask her.

Tilda: Oh, man.

I was just about to say... Holy fucking hell.

I've never even thought of that, and it started making my stomach hurt.

Like, I've never... See -- see if you can ask your stomach to speak for you.

What was your stomach saying when it started hurting?

I...Ezra would... Ezra is really far from a father figure, but Doc is kind of like, like, um... Doc and dad both start with a "D." Yeah.

Yeah.

It's kind of, like, a little, like, nick-- nickname or, like, a...

Both have three letters.

-Yeah.

-Mm-hmm.

I'm feeling really nervous right now.

My hands are getting really wet.

What are they saying for you?

They're saying, "There's probably some truth in this."

What's the truth?

Well, why I'm getting nervous right now is, I'm feeling weird about myself.

What's weird about you?

Well, I'm like, "Tilda, he's not your dad.

He's never gonna be your dad.

So what the fuck are you saying right now?"

Like, this is weird, you know?

Biologically speaking, that's true, but it's also possible you could feel toward me the way you once felt toward him or the way you feel toward him in your mind now, even though you haven't seen him in so long.

Mm-hmm.

Rebecca: You stopped breathing.

Manny: Yeah.

Did you just say I stopped breathing?

Ooh, here we go.

Oh, wow.

That's good to know.

Sometimes I'm like, "Okay, stop breathing because if you breathe, you're gonna -- you're gonna, like, explode."

-No, you're not gonna... -But that was not so bad.

You're not gonna explode.

You're gonna cry.

[ Breathes deeply ] What are your tears saying?

I miss my dad.

And I don't know why I've never talked to you guys about this.

[ Breathing deeply ] Sorry.

Why are you apologizing?

Because crying is weird, you know?

No.

It's human.

And I don't want to bring that dynamic to the group.

You can't give your unconscious mind an order and expect it to follow.

Somewhere inside your mind, you have a need for this.

You have a need for these people to know how deeply hurt and wounded you are over this loss.

How old were you when your father left?

10.

10.

Karina: And you've had no contact since?

No.

No.

And I've done nothing to, um... -Do you want contact?

-I don't know.

I was thinking about it the other day actually because I had a dream about him.

Mm-hmm.

Rebecca: What was the dream?

Um, it was a record he used to play at night.

Uh, he would, like, read in this chair, this big chair of his, and he would put on this record.

What was the record?

Louis Armstrong.

Henry: What song?

The one, uh, that he does with Ella.

They're both in, like, chairs on a porch.

Do you know?

-"Ella and Louis."

"Ella and Louis."

Woo.

Yeah, and I -- and I woke up, and I was, like, really rocked by it because I never really understood...

Uh, yeah.

It's like, uh... What's that thing in New Orleans, the levy, you know?

-Mm-hmm.

And now I'm just, like, thinking...

I think maybe that's why I don't think about him because it's, like, once I start thinking about it, there's a lot of stuff.

There's a lot of stuff, and I don't want to.

You don't have to.

Tilda, I'm glad you told us.

I want to know you.

Manny: Me too.

Rebecca: Me three.

-Stuart?

-Me four.

[ Laughter ] Henry?

[ Laughter continues ] No pressure on the new guy.

No.

I was gonna say absolutely.

Um, I love the image of the -- of the music playing and you hearing it, and as much as I always talk about what a fucking asshole my father was, I do remember he used to listen to tango.

I'm from Argentina, and, uh, he used to listen to Carlos Gardel.

Do you know?

-Yes.

♪ Mi Buenos Aires querido ♪ ♪ Cuando yo te vuelva a ver ♪ [ Breathing raggedly ] It -- it -- it meant a lot to me to hear you and to have a good memory.

♪ No habra más ♪ [ Laughter ] ♪ Penas ni olvido ♪ Take it away, Henry!

[ Laughter ] Stuart: Yes.

[ Laughter stops ] Tilda: Doc, are we allowed to... Oh, be Doc again.

Dad... No, I'm just kidding.

[ Laughter ] Manny: Dad, am I allowed to... Oh.

Danger.

Danger.

Um, are we allowed to...

Try Ezra.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪