(lighthearted music) (glass breaks) (boat engine idling) - Hey, Lovejoy, why don't you call Rotterdam and tell them it's not coming.

- I never had a deal with the Dutch, Harry.

- (laughs) That's your story and you're sticking to it.

Nice working with you boys.

Bye.

- Nice working with you, Harry.

- [Harry] Bye!

- Bye!

(cheering) $300,000 if you remember.

But, pay a few debts, put a down payment on your daughter's first flat.

Give yourself a brief change of scene and bingo.

(snaps) It's gone.

Well, almost gone.

(plate clinks) Ah.

(lighthearted music) This is what I missed.

(lighthearted music continues) Gave up the game for a while.

Went to live in Spain to see if I could remember how .

- [man] Hello Lovejoy!

- Hi.

How are you?

No, not fakes.

The real thing.

Just to see if I could.

I can't.

I mean, who wants a Lovejoy when you could have a Utrillo?

A fake Utrillo.

Perhaps I have returned a better and a wiser man.

Who knows?

Anyway, I'm back.

(car engine idles, car door shu) It's time to renew old friendsh.

(birdsong) (dog barks) (car door shuts) (birdsong continues) (car pulls away) (birdsong continues, footsteps) - What's this?

Am I supposed to go into raptures?

Fall at your feet?

- Janey!

- Where have you been Lovejoy?

- You've cut your hair.

- What?

- [Lovejoy] You've cut your hair, it suits you.

- Don't change the subject.

You walk outta my life without so much as a by-your-leave.

- Be reasonable.

You were in New York with Alexander.

- Reasonable?

I get more reason from a horse.

And what's that you're wearing?

You look ridiculous.

- I come home for this?

Not even married to the woman.

- Six months, not even a single.

You could have been dead.

- Sent you a postcard.

"Wish you were here."

- Postcard?

We're supposed to be partners.

I didn't receive it.

And who reads postcards?

(birdsong) - Brought you a present.

- Alex always buys me perfume.

- Try sticking that behind your.

- Oh come here, you.

(laughing) I missed you.

- Thought it was time we had a break from each other.

Give you back to your husband.

- I never left him.

He was in New York too, remembe?

- That's what I mean.

He still ?

- In Hong Kong, back on Sunday,.

Did it work out for you, this b?

- Discovered I couldn't paint, .

I think I put that one to rest,.

I got involved in a cactus growing operation.

Got stung.

Oh, and I nearly got married tw.

- Welcome home, Lovejoy.

- Oh, Janey, the cottage.

- Oh, sorry, we've already... No, no, no, no.

Landed on my feet again.

House sitting for a friend in S. Casablanca.

- Casablanca's in Morocco.

- No, it's in Upper Deeping act.

- But that's just down the road.

So we're back in business?

- Janey.

- Come for supper tonight.

- I'd love to.

(chair clatters) - Eight o'cloc.

And take that bloody awful suit.

(footsteps depart) - One down, two to go.

(dogs barking, snarling) (door sliding open) - Good boy, here.

(dogs continue barking, snarlin) (bowl clatters, door bangs) (dogs snarling) - When I suggested you get some security, Eric, I didn't mean for you to take me literally.

I mean, what are you doing here?

This is the enemy.

- No, it isn't.

It's a good job with prospects.

Since you've been gone, Lovejoy, I've done a business developmen.

I've got a word processor.

I saw a safe this morning.

A prototype, marvelous.

- Get away with you.

- Yeah, it's got a laser.

Takes a picture of your eye.

Stores it in the memory.

You look at it.

It opens.

You ought to get one, do wonders for your insurance hassles.

- Job?

A job?

You've got antiques in your blo.

You've got a good eye.

- Have I?

Yeah.

You can't be a whore to c. - I can't?

- No.

What's he gonna do for you?

You're a craftsman.

An artisan.

well, you will be.

This yours?

- Mine.

And it's paid for.

Well.

I'm a new man since you've been gone, Lovejoy.

- Well I prefer the old one, Er.

The Footloose, the romantic, the poet, the dreamer.

Where's Tink?

(uneasy music) (curious music) (choir singing) - There he is, look.

- [Lovejoy] Psst!

- [Both] Psst!

Tinker!

(excited orchestral music) (door thuds) - Goodness on such a colossal se is wondrous to beholds, Lovejoy.

Rising an hour before dawn, after cold ablutions, two hours of silent meditation before partaking of an humble breakfast of arrowroot.

- Got you out just in time by the sound of it, Tink.

- Oh, you did lad, you did.

God bless you both.

(laughing) (lighthearted adventurous music) (moped creaks, engine starts) (lighthearted adventurous music) - She wasn't yours to sell Eric.

- She wasn't yours either.

And Lady Jane said I could haver after you just bolted off.

- It's true, Lovejoy.

As God is our witness.

- This car paid for my business development course.

- All right.

How much Fred?

- Well, I have done quite a bit.

Do you wanna have a look?

- No, no, I don't.

- To Fred Barber.

I don't wanna sell her.

I love her to bits, but it's the government.

Isn't it?

Those bloody student .

- Yeah.

Well this should cover .

- Yeah.

Thanks.

- Thank you.

Tinker?

(bag crinkles, car doors open) - I don't want to, well, you know, but this check.

- Oh.

God is our witness, Fred.

(door slams shut) - Or Lady Jane Felsham of Felsh, if you want an earthly guaranto.

- Right.

Okay.

Well cheers.

(engine revving) Goodbye, Myrtle.

- [Lovejoy, Tinker, Eric] Myrtl?

- Now I think I ought to warn y.

- Lovejoy, you shouldn't have!

(car engine revs) (lighthearted music) (car passes by) (lighthearted music continues) (moped engine sputters) - Well, if this is the right pl, Lovejoy, you've cracked it.

- Why is your landlord inside, ?

- I said he was in Spain, not i.

- What did you do, rob a bank?

- Ah!

Couldn't stay away, Jane?

(engine idles, shuts off) Welcome to my humble abode.

- Shangri-La!

- Casablanca!

- Eric.

(chuckles) I don't know whether to kiss you or salute you.

- Well, I know which I'd prefer.

- Oh.

(both laugh) (kisses on cheek) - Tinker.

You look divine.

- For my sins?

(kisses on cheek) - Oh thank you.

Oh, I have missed you boys.

- Yeah.

And how are you, Lady J?

- All the better for seeing you.

(chuckles) - What's in here, Janey?

- Oh, your bag and little house warming gift.

- Champagne?

- Well, I knew after six months, you'd be short of bread, so.

(car door shuts) See you later.

And... - I won't be late.

- Bye boys.

- Olé.

(slaps cheeks) - I'm not saying I'm coming bac.

That way lies madness.

But I will come in and file your stuff up for you.

Have an evening.

Just for old times' sake, like.

And perhaps do the odd weekend .

- Your choice, Eric.

Can't say I'm not disappointed.

I mean I've had my midlife cris.

Happens to some people earlier than others.

Tinker's done his penance.

- Amen to that.

- For us, it's business as usua.

(car engine revs) (car shuts off, door shuts) (warm music) - Lovejoy.

My friend, Victoria Cavero, Vic.

- Victoria.

I've got a daughter called Victoria.

- [Jane] This is Lovejoy.

- It's very kind for you to come to my rescue, Mr. Lovejoy.

- Just Lovejoy.

(warm music continues) We've been friends for years.

We were at Benenden together.

- How long will you be staying ?

- I don't really know.

- She's just come back from Per.

- Holiday?

- No, I live there.

- Oh.

(glass clinks on table) - Almost as soon as I left scho, I did what my mother said I should never do.

- What was that?

- I got married.

He was Peruvia.

We went to live in Lima.

- Jorge was a brilliant lawyer.

- [Lovejoy] Was?

- He was murdered three months .

- Murdered?

(glass clinks) I'm sorry, who by?

- It could have been the extreme left or the fascists, the government.

He offended them all at some time or other.

He wasn't afraid to speak out.

I had to leave the country.

I got here yesterday.

- I promised you'd help.

Lovejo.

- Help?

- Have a look at this.

(sighs) - [Lovejoy] It's pre-Columbian.

- [Victoria] Yes.

(glass clinks) If you look, you can see there'.

It's supposed to be the ring that Atahualpa, God king of the Incas, gave to his bride on their wedd.

- Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you Victoria.

But these rings are quite commonplace to worth about $500.

- But this one's unique.

- Oh.

- Before he was killed, my husband was threatened.

He gave it to me because he knew its value.

He was gonna sell it to get funds for the campesinos.

- Campesinos?

- The Indians made destitute byd of our politicians.

- Victoria feels that while she has the ring, she may be in danger.

- Danger from whom?

- From the same people who kill.

- Well, they're in Peru.

- They're everywhere, Lovejoy.

- Well, why would they wanna ki?

- Because I was involved with the campesinos too.

- Girls.

This does sound a bit far fetch, but if it makes you happy, I'll stay the night.

- No Lovejoy.

No.

What we're asking is for you to take the ring away and sell it.

- Janey.

It's Friday night, I've just got back into the country.

I mean a new house.

I haven't even got a Rottweiler.

Why don't you stick it back in .

- But supposing someone breaks ?

- No, one's gonna break in here.

Everyone in the county knows Alex has got this place wired up like Fort Knox.

(melancholy music) - It's all right, Lovejoy.

(melancholy music continues) (car door opens, bell tower chi) (door shuts) - Oh darling.

I've caused so much trouble to you and to Lovejoy.

(car pulls away) - Oh, not at all.

He's in his e. - Janey, is there something going on between you two?

- Oh good Lord.

No, he's my business partner.

- Yes, but you seem very close.

- Well, of course he's (scoffs) like a brother to me.

- Doesn't look at you like a br.

(footsteps depart) - Yes, Dennis.

There are two ladies up there on and I'm a little worried about .

So if you could divert a patrol car for five minutes to check on them, I'd appreciate i. Yeah.

Much obliged.

Thank you very much, Dennis.

- This is ridiculous.

A security guard breaking into his own office in the middle of the night to steal the bloody safe.

I'd have lost my job if we got caught, Lovejoy.

- Well, you could have told them their security was working, Eric.

(laughs sarcastically) - This has gotta be back first thing Monday morning.

And now we've got it here, would you mind telling us what you want it for?

- Certainly.

I have here the ring that the God king Atahualpa gave his bride on their wedding.

Worth probably $1 million.

- (grunts) Worth maybe $500.

It's pre-Colombian semi-precious turquoise.

Peruvians dig them up in their back garden every day.

- Well, maybe you're right, Tin, but this is on the word of a beautiful woman.

And apparently there's a lot of bad people out there who think it's worth enough to n her, me, you, and him if they think I've gone off with it.

- Do you wanna see how this thing works or what?

- Well you've told me haven't y?

I mean, I stare at it and hey, .

Doesn't open, Eric.

- When I stare at it, I said.

You see, this laser reflects ofa and creates what they call a sp.

And now that pattern stored.

And then the laser reads the pattern on my eye and compares it with the pattern stored in the safe.

- Just get on with it and open a safe.

Would you Eric?

- Yeah.

Right.

You ready?

I shall say the magic words.

Open sesame.

(safe chimes) (chuckles) There we are.

A miracle, isn't ?

And of course I, note the pun, am the only person who can make.

- What's this?

- When I was in the priory, the monks gave me temporary charge of the meadery.

It's a great honor.

I have a secret recipe that I altered just a smidgen to create a monk's mead, a la T. I invited them to try it and inspired them to a vow of s. - They were legless, you mean.

- Did tend to bring them to their knees.

Yes.

Not to be drunk for five years..

I want to see how it travels.

- Not a time machine, Tink.

- What's this?

- That's a tuna fish sandwich.

Well I'm checking the condensat.

(sighs, ring clinks) (safe closes) There you are.

Safe as the Bank of England.

(birdsong) (drapes slide) (yells, sighs) - [Jane] You don't believe a wo.

- What?

(cup clinks) Peruvian death squads in rural ?

(toaster pops) Give me a break, Jane.

- We're English.

We can't imagine what she's been through.

Look, the ring is real.

You have it.

Sell it, Lovejoy.

That's all you're being asked t. Okay?

Please.

(phone rings) - Hold on.

(cup clinks) That'll.

Lovejoy.

Hello Douglas.

That was quick.

Who?

Yeah.

Who?

Mm-hm.

No, of course I realize you have to see it.

No, no, no.

I won't bring it to.

Now call me back at my cottage within the hour.

Yeah.

(phone antenna clicks) Good morning señora.

- Hello, Lovejoy.

- Well, according to Douglas Rimmer, leading gem expert.

If you're right about the King', we could have a buyer.

Alfredo .

Brazilian banker.

Name ring a b?

- Pereira, Pereira, oh, yes.

(cup clinks) Isn't he the chap who's always n the Tatler, Dempster, Harper's?

He plays polo with the Royals.

- He's playing at Windsor this .

(sighs, safe buzzes) - No, when I tried it earlier, nothing happened.

It's obviously a computer fault in the laser or something.

We're gonna have to phone the manufacturers in Melbourne and it's the weekend.

So it'll have to be Monday.

- I don't believe this.

- It's like the night I went to the National Theater.

It was a play by Harold Pinter, the safety curtain rose at the beginning of second act.

And it jammed at the level of Sir Ralph Richardson's knees.

The solution to the problem lay.

- Well, what happened?

- Well, I never found out they sent us home.

- Will you stop talking about Ralph Richardson's knees?

We're gonna have to smash this .

- Well, you'll never do that, L. - The solution to this problem lies in the Cayman islands.

- What?

- Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who's the cracksman who beats t?

- [All] Barney Waddock!

- No way Tink.

I've retired, my.

Don't need it no more.

Who need?

- It's life and death.

(static over the phone) Can you, can you hear me?

Can you recommend someone?

- It's my boy you want, I passed all my knowledge onto , to make an honest lad of him.

- How can I reach him?

It's Saturday morning, and we n. - It's Jonathan you want, for a sophisticated assessment.

- I hear you.

Have you got a number for him?

- Call the school.

- School?

What school?

- Slough Grammar.

- Slough what?

- Eton, my boy!

(lighthearted music) (car passes by) (car tires screech) - Yeah.

(door shuts) - Major Dill.

- Yes, Tinker.

My dad said you'd be hard to mi.

- Come to take you to lunch, ol.

- Oh, really?

And I thought it was the safe you wanted cracking.

(chuckles) - Alistair?

I'm shogging off for an hour or two.

(door closes) My fee for this sort of thing, , is 50 quid an hour.

Plus expens.

(uneasy flute notes) - [Announcer] Straight down the.

(smacks ball, audience cheers) Caught up amongst the ponies th.

(smacks ball, audience cheers) Number one's attaining control.

(cheering) Alfredo Pereira... into the boa.

In front of the grandstand posin they all gallop down on it.

(cheering continues) Mike Rickson, the number four, goes back, lines up the backhan.

He's out of his shot, can't get ahold of it.

There's Simon Tosh on the ball .

Gonna take it out to the center of the field.

Hard riding going on.

(audience clapping) There's Tosh again.

Hits the ball down towards the goal.

Seconds ticking away.

Tosh still on the ball.

Looks for the goal shot.

- I like it.

- [Announcer] Hassled outta tha.

- Well, I've been back two days and here I am sipping Pimms with the polo set.

(audience clapping) - [Douglas] I can't make an evaluation on this, Lovejoy.

- I'm not asking you to Douglas.

I just wanna know if you're rec.

- Peruvian you say?

I think your first instinct was.

It's trash.

(chuckles) Mark you, one did go for $12,000 in New York the other day.

- What if that is King Atahualp?

- Then it could just be out of the Vilcarino collection.

And that would make it interest.

- How interesting?

- 2 Million interesting.

- Is that in Pereira's league?

- My dear Lovejoy.

You obviously don't know Pereira.

- No, I don't.

Could you point ?

- [Announcer] ...up towards the goal.

Angus on the attack.

Alfredo Pereira takes it down t. And there's the goal!

(crowd cheers, whistle blows) Wonderful play there from Alfredo Pereira and his team.

(horse snorts) Victory came right to the final.

That'll be a few moments... (uneasy music) - If my interest is to be engaged then, Mr. Lovejoy, I should like to know something of the ring's most recent history.

Like for example, how it comes to be in your possession.

- Confidential señor.

- Does it concern a lady?

- (laughs) It always concerns a.

Well, it does, Lovejoy.

It always has in my experience.

- Oh I wouldn't know that, would I, Douglas?

To me, it's just a piece of mer.

- For me.

It's not just a question of merchandise.

One can go into any shop for th.

No, for me collecting is to be in touch with personality, humanity, and a little dash of intrigue.

Adds spice, don't you think?

- Well, since I can't supply an, maybe we should call it a day.

- So be it.

(clears throat) Well.

Goodbye, gentlemen.

- Señor, excuse me, señor.

Mons?

Sir?

If I could arrange for you to see the ring.

- That's what I thought we were here for Mr... - Rimmer.

- Rimmer.

- Rimmer, yes.

Yes.

He wants to see it.

- Of course he wants to see it.

- Well for God's sake, Lovejoy.

- Yeah.

All right, all right.

I'm sorry I made it a little hard for you, señor, but I did make my client a solemn oath to protect his privacy.

- Why?

Is he a thief?

- Would he matter if he was?

Aren't half the art collections of the world built on someone, at some time, thieving something from somebod?

People even die for it.

- That is either very sophisticd or a very cynical view.

Not knowing you as a person Mr., I cannot be sure which.

- I'd be very happy to show youg with Mr. Rimmer there to value .

- Well, I have a full weekend.

I'm a guest Windsor Castle, you.

- Monday morning, 10 o'clock?

- On Monday at 12 o'clock, I fl.

- Eight, nine?

Before your flig?

- Eight o'clock.

Yes.

If you would care to bring it to the Ritz hotel.

- Yes I think I could manage th.

- Well I can't manage that I've got an appointment at 9:30.

It'll have to be my pl.

Mr. Rimmer will keep you inform.

- Look, I'm not some wretched m. - It seems you are calling the shots, Mr. Lovejoy.

I wait on Mr. Rimmer's instruct.

- How dare you, Lovejoy?

I shall never do business with .

- Yes you will, Douglas.

8:00 AM, Monday morning, my pla.

- 8:00 AM Monday morning.

Your .

- You got what you wanted didn'?

And the ring's safe, isn't it?

- Oh yes.

Very safe.

- Then why so moody?

- Gut feeling Janey.

He was just so conveniently the.

At a meeting of Windsor polo gr.

and spending the weekend at the?

I mean what's all that about?

- Probably showing off.

- Your husband.

He have any dealings with the B?

(tea pours) - He was investigating a small group of Latin American, a kind of international free ma.

Tsk, I can't remember what they were called.

- Now that's the smell I was af.

(door opens) - Oh, Lovejoy.

This is Barney's boy, Jonathan.

- Hello, Jonathan.

How you doin?

- Hi.

(chuckles) I'm gonna have to use my brain for the first time this half.

- This is costing us £50 an hour plus expenses.

- Is anyone going for takeaway?

Thai, for preference.

- Fish and chips.

- Right?

(uneasy music) - I'm just checking in, Janey.

- Oh, bugger!

I've forgotten the ensemble ave. - Say goodnight to Victoria for me.

Sleep tight.

(chalk taps on chalkboard) - This is good fun.

(chuckles) (continues tapping on chalkboar) - You ever get the feeling you're being ripped off?

(birdsong) (car passes by) (uneasy music) (maintenance light beeps) - (under breath) Damn it.

(uneasy music continues) (car engine sizzling) - What seems to be the trouble?

- I haven't a clue.

- Let me have a look.

- Thanks very much.

(muffled yelling, struggling) (Jane goes quiet) (dragging) (door shuts) (dark uneasy music) - Wakey wakey.

- Oh God.

I'm supposed to be back for chapel at 10:40.

(phone rings) - Don't worry, Jonathan.

We'll have you back for evenson.

Yeah?

(quick footsteps departing) - Hello?

- They took the wrong woman.

It should have been me.

- Maybe not.

They know you wouldn't let anything happen to Jane.

(phone rings) - Yeah?

Yeah, Lovejoy.

Who the hell are?

- Where is she?

- Yeah, you've got it.

No police, agreed.

- No police?

- Straight swap.

Janey for the .

They're gonna call back in a fe.

Let us know where and when.

- Give them the bloody ring.

- The ring.

- So a complete match gives rese and no match gives a result of .

Of course, because it's a measu, you'll never get a complete mat.

So the safe will open if the figure is greater than- - Will open?

- The figure is greater than 0.. Definitely.

- In theory.

- So open it, Eric.

(safe buzzes) - I can't do it.

I can't do it.

- So why can't he open it, Jona?

Why the hell can't he open the ?

- I don't know, do I?

That's ho.

That's all I know.

I'm not bloody Einstein.

Hey, hang on a tick.

Do you wear contact lenses?

- How do you know?

- Well, take them out.

- Well, I've only just got them.

- Take them out, Eric.

- Okay, now shoot.

(safe chimes) - Now that is a miracle.

- The contact lens was alteringe of the speckle pattern.

Making the correlation much less than the threshold le.

- So all this has been... - A complete waste of time.

- That'll be 500 quid.

- Eric will pay you.

I'm callin.

- Cash, or do you want to pay V?

(sighs) (horses whinny, stomp) (soft guitar music on televisio) (speaking foreign language on t) - That's a good boy.

(horse whinnies) (bird screeches) - What I don't understand is th, educated people seem to think that it was perfectly alright for a whole tribe to be denied its basic rights.

And the reason was always the s. The Indians are too primitive to take responsibility for themselves.

There's an Peruvian saying, "nothing comes cheaper than the skin of an Indian."

- And... was it, as they say, a fairy tale marriage?

(glass clinks) - Most of the time.

(liquid pours) - Most.

- Women adored him and he adore.

Very early on I realized that I was going to have to learn to share him.

And that's how it was.

(clock ticking) (birdsong) (drapes slide) (phone rings) - Yeah?

Where and when?

(wind whipping) (car passes by) (crow cawing) (uneasy music) (car shuts off) (car door shuts) (car door slams) (car door shuts) (uneasy music continues) (lighthearted music) - The man who was speaking on the phone sounded sort of Spanish.

- What?

Can you remember a word?

- Amiga.

- That's friend.

Female.

- A... aviansa?

Is that a word?

- It sounds like an airline.

- Aliança?

- Yes.

That's it.

- That's ring in Portuguese, Br.

(door shuts) - Oh, Alex!

Darling, I've misse.

- What the hell's going on here?

- Hello, Alex.

(sighs) (light snoring) - And you didn't inform the pol?

Jane could have been killed!

- She may have very well have bd if I'd called the police.

- Alex, it was my fault.

- Every time I go away, every time I come back, she's in some sort of bloody problem with you, Lovejoy.

- Well maybe you shouldn't go away so often, Alex.

- I beg your pardon?

- Look, stop it!

Both of you, s. - It's Pereira we should be concentrating on.

- Pereira?

- Alfredo Pereira.

- He's a leading international .

What's this got to do with him?

- Do you know him, Alex?

- Well, he was on the committee of that World Bank Project that pumped millions into the dt of the South American Indians.

- Development?

More like coloni.

It was a scandal.

- What else?

- He was a founder member of the International Congress of Latin American Bankers.

- ICLAB.

That's the one Jorge was invest.

- And old Alfredo's due at my place in one hour.

- [Jane] But you both know the ring isn't there.

- I'll bluff it out.

- Look, I don't believe for a mt that Pereira is involved with t. I want to come with you.

- No, no, no.

I want you to stay here, Alex.

Jane needs you.

I need you.

I want you to both stay by the .

(door shuts) - Is she safe?

- Yeah.

She's back home.

- She's okay.

- Thank God for that.

- Where you going, Eric?

- Oh, we've gotta take the safe back, Lovejoy.

- Not yet you're not.

(door shuts) (engine idles, shuts off) (doors shut) - This is preposterous.

- Isn't it, Douglas?

Come inside, señor.

- It's... charming here.

- I don't believe you've met.

Victoria Cavero, Alfredo Pereir.

- Señora.

- Señor.

- Coffee, señor?

- Thank you.

No coffee.

- It's Brazilian.

- These are colleagues of mine.

- But shouldn't this be... conf?

- If you wish.

Mr. Catchpole, you're security.

Would you mind going outside an?

Thank you Mr. Catchpole.

- And the señora?

- Oh, didn't I tell you?

Señora Cavero is the owner of t. - Ah, forgive me, señora.

- I'll go through the procedures.

I open the safe.

You view the merchandise.

Mr. Rimmer pronounces.

We haggle and come to our concl.

- I agree to that.

- Mr. Catchpole.

- Well, make your mind up, Love.

- "Mr.

Lovejoy."

Open the safe.

- It's a prototype.

Very few on the market.

- I know.

I have several.

They're very good.

(safe chimes) - Now look here, Lovejoy.

Is this another one of your jok?

- Mr. Catchpole, would you escort Mr. Rimmer outside, please?

- But... - This is none of your concern.. - I can walk on my own.

(door slams) (birdsong) - (sighs) Would you like some breakfast, señor?

Help yourself.

- What are you playing at?

- Well, of course you knew the ring wasn't there.

You've already taken possession of it earlier this morning.

Now that's alright if it's your way of doing business, but you haven't paid for it.

- (chuckles) I am sorry.

I...

I don't understand.

- It was very simple.

The price for what you already have is $3 million.

We want settlement now.

- Preposterous.

- As Mr. Rimmer would say, shall I call him in, and we'll make it public?

- Your allegation that I have this ring already.

Hm?

Based on?

- A word.

- Aliança.

- That's Brazilian for ring.

In Peru, it would have been... - Anillo.

- Your man in the horse box on the telephone.

A little bit careless.

- My man at the horse box?

Huh.

If it were not all so absurd, I should be getting angry with .

You accuse me now of what, prec?

- Kidnapping.

Death threats.

- (scoffs) Mr. Lovejoy.

I am here, keeping an appointment in good faith.

You have brought me on a wild g. It appears you have no merchand.

And now if you will excuse me, I have a plane to catch.

- Señora Cavero has a school fr.

They were at Benenden together.

A certain Royal lady.

You probably know her.

She likes horses too.

She's going to phone her now, and tell her about our meeting r and the violence that you inflid on their very good friend, Jane Felsham.

Lady Jane Felsham.

This phone call is our marker for 3.5 million.

- 3.5?

- Just went up.

When you kidnapped Lady Felsham, you pick the wrong woman.

- Make your call.

(uneasy music) - Does she know the number?

- Hello, this is señora Cavero.

I wonder if I could speak to her Royal Highness' equerry .

- Hello?

Who am I speaking to?

Is that the residence of Her Royal Highness?

- [Woman Over The Phone] It isn't permitted for me to answer that.

Who are you?

- Hello?

Yes, I'm afraid we had a crossed line.

This is Victoria Cavero.

No, please don't disturb her.

Will you just tell her that I'md and I'd love to see her?

Yes.

Thank you.

- Phew.

(phone antenna clicks) - Before we go any further, I think you owe me the courtesy of telling me who I'm dealing with.

Are your interests political?

Hmm?

Or purely mercenary?

- In South America, is there any distinction?

- Now, that is insulting.

- We're talking about Indians, in your country and in mine.

- I know of the problems in your country, señora, and of your concern for them.

But you, Mr. Lovejoy, I see as e merely out for what you can get.

So don't take the high moral ground with me.

I am sorry if I have offended y.

To put the matter right and to assure you of my good will, I am prepared to make a contribn to your cause.

- Whatever you call it, Pereira, it's still 3.5 million.

You wanted the ring, you got it.

Now you pay for it.

- The ring may be worthless.

- Oh, do me a favor.

- I am not prepared to go beyond a million.

- 3.5.

- 1.5.

- 3.5, and you get to keep your reputation intact and you can still play your lits with your friends in Windsor.

We both know what I'm selling, , and what you are buying.

And it's not the ring.

- 2 million, my limit.

- Cash check.

Now.

(door shuts) - A word of advice, señora.

Don't go back to Peru.

- [Lovejoy] Adiós amigo.

(car door shuts) - Now look here, Lovejoy... - Deals done, Douglas.

- Without the ring?

How?

- Sort of a miracle.

- What about my commission?

- Make sure he doesn't stop the.

- Go on, Douglas.

You'll miss your ride.

- Wait!

- Just one small point though.

- Hmm?

- You ask 3 million for me.

3.5?

- I've known Janey longer.

Anyway, 3 million was a bit amb, 2 million for your campesinos, .

- Thank you.

Oh, Lovejoy, I think I should tu in case it rebounds on you, this Royal I'm supposed to be so friendly with.

I left the term before she arri.

- Really?

- I never even met her.

- Really?

(chuckles) Well.

All that remains is for us to discuss my commission.

- Shall we talk over dinner?

- Dinner?

- Oh great.

I'm starving.

(lighthearted music)