AUCTIONEER: Who will start me at £100?

£100 for a start they want.

£100 I'm bid.

£100 I'm bid.

Who will give me £110?

Who will make it £110?

I'm looking for £110.

£110.

£110 I'm bid.

Who will make it £120?

Come on, gentlemen.

Who will make it £120?

£120 I'm bid.

It's with you, madam.

At £120.

Do I hear £150?

£150 anywhere?

Come on, gentlemen, that's a genuine antique.

They don't come up every day.

£150.

£150 I'm bid.

Come on, gentlemen, I'm looking for £350.

£350 anywhere?

Don't lose it, madam.

Don't lose it for another £50.

£350 anywhere?

£350 I'm bid.

At £350.

Who'll make it £400?

I'm looking for £400.

Any more?

At £350.

Are you all done?

At £350.

At £350.

[ Gavel bangs ] Lovejoy.

[ Bell chimes ] [ Knock on door ] [ Banging on door ] [ Alarm ringing ] I know you're here, Lovejoy.

I can smell you.

[ Clock ticking ] I'm gonna have your ass, Lovejoy!

-What do you want, Gimbert?

-I want my rent, Lovejoy.

My rent.

Mr. Gimbert's been up all night in that casino in Great Yarmouth.

Drinking gin and playing cards.

Haven't you?

You scored with the gin, but your luck ran out at the tables.

Why do you have to take out all your pent-up aggression on me?

Because I despise you, Lovejoy.

Always have.

You're a deceitful, irresponsible little turd who never pays his rent, who cheated me out of that luscious porcelain Ting bowl at that auction at Lavenham, and who deflowered my sister.

That was six years ago.

-She was only 15 then.

-Not Amanda -- the Ting bowl.

-How long do you bear grudges?

-Years and years.

I'll kill you one of these days, Lovejoy.

I can promise you that.

Two sugars, no milk.

Sorry about the rent.

I've, uh...

I've been a bit strapped lately.

Tell me something new, Lovejoy.

I'll tell you what about the rent -- I still have a couple of tea chests I haven't had a chance to comb through.

Oh, no.

Don't ask me to scan them.

I'm not asking, Lovejoy.

You will scan them.

That lets you off one week's rent.

The other seven I want by Friday.

Certainly.

In the antiques business, doing a scan means going through a job lot of stuff and sorting out the genuine article from the shoddy crapology of the modern world.

I only do it when I'm broke.

Which is fairly often.

Well, at least it's a cut above being on the knocker, as we say.

Translation -- Going 'round banging on the doors, asking the public if they have anything old for sale.

A sure sign of impending failure in the antique game.

Did I say game?

Antiques is a lovely but murderous business filled with love, fear, greed, death, loathing, and ecstasy.

Well, I've owned up.

And I'm the only one you can trust in this game.

[ Pneumatic tool whirring ] Motor ready, Brian?

I told you she was last week.

Running like a dream.

See, all I need is the readies.

In order to have readies, I need to work.

And to work, I need wheels.

Ah, well.

Catch 22 they calls that, don't they?

Lovejoy?

Lovejoy?

Not now, Eric.

You're avoiding me, Lovejoy.

Yes, Eric, I'm avoiding you.

That's why you found me going down the middle of Market Lane, taking advantage of the natural cover.

Well, I'm your trainee, aren't I?

Apart from heavy metal music, you're a piteously ignorant of life, but what is most painful is that you are completely ignorant of antiques.

-That's why you're teaching me.

-No.

I'm teaching you because your father asked me, and I was financially desperate enough to agree.

Well, I've read those books -- Wills on Victorian glass and Baines on brass instruments.

And did they enlighten you?

No, they were totally boring, really.

When you teach a beginner about antiques, you start by seeing if he has a feeling for craftsmanship.

It's everything.

I've been teaching you a month, and you still think Fabergé eggs are crusty chocolates.

Sorry, Eric.

Can't do it.

Well, if it's a question of money, I'm sure my dad will pay extra.

-In advance?

-If you want, Lovejoy.

Mr. Lovejoy.

I'm your teacher, remember?

These are the coins Mr. Bexon donated?

WOMAN: Yes.

Roman aureus.

Gold, Claudius.

Centurion engraving.

"Donated by finder."

"Roman province of the Isle of Man"?

We get the oddest conditions appended to our donations at times.

Of course we know that the Isle of Man was never colonized by the Romans.

But the donor was insistent that we adhere to the wording.

Well, perhaps you'd like to see some of our local Roman antiquity.

Now, you will know, of course... [ Speaking indistinctly ] -Morning, Fred.

-Morning.

[ Typing slowly ] I didn't know you could type, Amanda.

Put you to work, has he?

I hate being called Amanda.

I'm bored with my name.

It doesn't suit me.

Oh, dear.

When did this come on?

I've always hated it.

And don't call me Mandy either.

-Or I'll kill you.

-Too late.

Your brother's already offered to do that.

Have you seen him?

He hasn't been back all night.

He's gone over to the Fens to shoot ducks.

Or youth hostelers.

Oh, that's nice, isn't it?

I offer to stand in for his sick secretary, and he buzzes off for a bit of sport.

Never mind.

You can take me for a nice, long, intimate lunch.

I'm sorry, but I've got to collect some stuff from a house at Stradbroke.

Charlie said the key would be here.

Ah, yes.

The late Mr. Bexon's place.

I'll get it for you.

[ Sighs ] Ah, thank you, Mr. Bigelow.

Perhaps you'd like to take Miss Gimbert for a long, intimate lunch.

[ Door opens ] Is it valuable?

Dutch.

Fake.

But look closely.

The lenses.

They're whittled-down spectacle lenses from some flea market in Amsterdam.

Any optician will tell you how it's done.

-So it's not ivory, then?

-Made in Taiwan.

They simulated the grain with a wax coating pitted with a kitchen cheese shredder.

Diluted in phosphoric acid.

Hmm.

Thought as much.

[ Figure shatters ] Ohh.

It's amazing.

It's amazing.

An old master, is it?

A not-so-old master, Eric, but a masterful hand nonetheless.

"J... Bexon"?

ERIC: That's the name of the bloke who died here.

LOVEJOY: Right.

Suddenly, Mr. Bexon's become a very interesting person.

[ Creaking ] Suppose this Bexon bloke was a bit of a joker and put his name on an old picture.

-No, it's his painting.

-[ Door opens ] -[ Footsteps ] -What?

[ Door closes ] [ Door opens ] MAN: Oh, hello, there.

Uh...

Sorry.

Didn't mean to startle you.

But we tried the bell.

It didn't seem to work.

Hi.

We saw your motorcycle outside.

Are you something to do with the auction or the Realtor?

No, we're just cleaning out some rubbish, actually.

Rubbish?

Looks kind of tidy to me.

If you're thinking of bidding, have a look around.

Feel free.

Oh, we're not buyers.

We're family.

Mr. Bexon's?

MAN: Yeah.

Well, we call ourselves family.

But not his.

His sister's.

He was our uncle.

I'm Edward, and this is Nicole.

Our mother went to the States just after the war, so we never knew our uncle.

Unfortunately, he died just before we'd scheduled a vacation here.

Yeah, we thought we'd at least take a look at the place where he lived.

We kind of figured there may be some apparently meaningless things around that might have some sentimental attachments for us.

NICOLE: Photographs, mail.

You know the kind of thing, Mister...?

Lovejoy.

No "Mister."

Just Lovejoy.

I doubt it.

I think he left everything to his housekeeper.

EDWARD: Too bad.

Still, you don't mind if we take a look around?

By all means.

Just slam the door when you leave.

Okay.

Thanks, Lovejoy.

You're like putty you are, Lovejoy, when you see a nice bit of skirt.

Nice bit of skirt?

That adorable creature is the kind of woman men would die for.

Pbbt.

What, can't you adolescent, headbanging polytechnic dropouts think of a woman you'd want to die for?

[ Engine turns over ] Cyndi Lauper.

Maybe.

-Good morning, Helen.

-Hello, darling.

A little early in the day, eh, Tinker?

I like a little early in the day.

I like a lot more later in the day.

[ Wheezes ] Secret of your charm, Tink.

Anything new?

Apart from the pink shirt with the cigar?

Spot of porcelain on the move.

Pinned it for you.

Thanks.

You'll have to wait for the cash.

Part of the charm of being your barker, Lovejoy, is waiting for the cash.

Thank you.

Listen, a fellow called Bexon died recently.

Do you know where all the stuff went?

Yes, some coins went into auction, and some odds and sods.

I rather think that Gimbert and Dandy Jack snatched most of it before it got to auction.

Nailed it down before the deceased was cold in his box.

Typical Gimbert.

Not like Dandy Jack.

We're dealers, laddie, and as such are capable of despicable deceits.

Of course we are.

What was I thinking of?

Besides, I can hardly imagine Bexon's place yielding a cornucopia of antiquities.

Manky little house off the Norwich Road.

LOVEJOY: Yielded this, done by the man himself.

What's that you're holding close to your chest, Lovejoy?

Let Helen have a peep.

Now, not everyone gets a chance to peek at my chest, darling.

I live in hope, sweetie.

I live in hope.

She lives in hope.

It's rather lovely.

Show's over.

That's all you get.

[ Whispering ] It's a fake.

Yes, but close to being brilliant.

That's why I want to scan the rest of the stuff.

Find Dandy Jack.

Chop the deal with me.

How could you even ask that?

-[ Slaps ] -[ Wheezes ] [ Coughing ] Will you row me over the Bosphorus to the palace of the sultan?

Lovejoy!

Hello, Janey.

Oh, you look awful.

I had a rude awakening this morning.

[ Groans ] Look better after a shave.

-Where's the husband?

-Oh.

Bangkok.

Or New Zealand.

Somewhere like that.

Oh, why don't we repair to the manor house and regale ourselves of a dry sherry?

You'll never make the upper classes, Lovejoy.

You're too much of a snob.

[ Engine turns over ] -Is this your latest job?

-Mm-hmm.

Former railway station near Saxmundham.

-I'm designing the sitting room.

-Mm!

Used to be the ticket office.

Ah.

Bet they're from Belgravia.

More money than sense, hmm?

-I'm happy to say.

-[ Chuckles ] Well, tell me about this painting.

LOVEJOY: Aha.

It would fool most dealers.

Ah, but why didn't it fool you?

The dress.

-JANE: Mm?

-The color of the dress.

It's lemon yellow.

Modern color.

About 1809.

Now, Bexon, the forger, he must know that.

An expert like that doesn't get an entire color wrong.

He creates a superb bloody forgery.

Then he betrays it.

Why?

Indeed, why?

LOVEJOY: Well, I don't know.

There might be a reason.

Then again, it might be a wonderful, elegant joke.

I've never seen Lovejoy so excited as when he saw that picture.

Almost fervent, he was.

Usually he's such a cynical old so-and-so.

Ah, but not about antiques.

Not genuine antiques.

You see, to Lovejoy and I, antiques are a way of life.

Especially to Lovejoy.

He's a divvy, you know?

A what?

Divvy?

A divvy is anyone who knows the right of a thing without knowing why.

It's an instinct, a feeling.

It springs from "divining," as in water.

I think I'm a divvy.

'Cause I can hear a record -- a new one, like -- and I can usually predict if it's gonna be a hit.

[ Door opens, closes ] TINKER: The Bexon inheritance.

Dandy Jack loaned it you?

He charged me a tenner for it.

A tenner too much.

These appear to be diaries.

Nothing titillating, I'm afraid.

This is it?

There's a couple of caricatures.

I told him you'd be around there tomorrow to look at 'em.

Rubbish.

Tinker's in no great hurry for his tenner.

[ Footsteps ] [ Bells chiming ] [ Siren wailing ] Lovejoy.

Adore the suit.

It's part of that undertaker's job lot I bought off you.

I expect that style's all the rage again in Covent Garden.

One gets so out of touch in our quiet little rural corner.

What's, um -- What's going on?

Strangers in the night.

Yobbos pinched some gold coins.

Probably feeding them into slot machines as we speak.

I want to see those caricatures you kept.

Tomorrow, okay?

All right, petal.

-Fragonard.

-Yeah.

[ Footsteps ] Christ, what's with the suit?

Are you in court?

I suppose the jaundiced eye of the law sees the worst in everyone.

Goes with the job, boy.

-What happened, Steve?

-What's it to you?

If I know what's been stolen, I can recognize it when I'm offered it at a third of the value by some shifty tealeaf.

Then I can report it to you.

Snap it up and flog it off in far-off parts, more like.

How can you think such a thing?

It's one of the many reasons why you're in our police computer, Lovejoy.

Vandals!

What coins did they get, darling?

Two gold aureus.

"Donated by J. R. Bexon.

Roman province of Isle of Man."

[ People cheering ] Come on, Kate!

Come on, Kate!

[ Laughs ] [ Sighs ] I was a useless runner at school.

Mind you, it does require tenacity, stamina, courage, and character.

All those qualities which you so sadly lack.

-Did your mother tell you that?

-Probably.

-How is she?

-She's okay.

She's elbowed the guitar lessons.

She's into ceramics now.

What about your stepfather?

What's his name?

He's making a mint.

What about you?

You still terribly broke?

What are you talking about?

I pay these school fees, don't I?

And your skiing trip to Zermatt.

I do admit I have the occasional fiscal crisis, but... Well, I'm doing fine, Kate.

I really am.

I'm fine.

Mummy says you don't have a pot to piss in.

I had a superb pot.

Porcelain Ting bowl.

Hopeh province, circa 1050.

But your mum got that.

Can we, uh, sit down?

-I got tired watching you.

-[ Woman speaking on P.A. ]

Hang on.

I want to hear the result.

You won.

It's a team event, if you know what that means.

...are this year's overall winners with 137 points.

Second, Gainsborough, with 128 points.

-[ Sighs ] -...third with 110 points.

Thank you.

[ Applause ] [ March plays ] Well, Kate.

You still interested in the Romans?

I like Italian waiters.

Oh, now, seriously.

It was always your pet subject.

-So?

-So, um... Did they ever colonize the Isle of Man?

I'm speaking of Claudius' time, Suetonius.

Suetonius was governor-general in Nero's reign.

But he spent most of his time chasing Druids in Anglesey while all the aggro went on.

What aggro?

You know, Boadicea and the Iceni.

No, I don't know.

Boadicea whipped together all these savage dykes.

[ Whispering ] Kate!

Savage warriors, then.

Anyhow, they went on the rampage and blew the Ninth Legion away.

She crucified 70,000 people and really went over the top till old Suetonius turned up a few months later.

From Anglesey?

Mm.

I need another drink.

Suetonius was a long time getting back, wasn't he?

It wasn't as if we're ripping off his widow.

He left all to a housekeeper who took off soon after he died.

Just saving the old dear the bother, weren't we?

Oh, and you have a heart of gold, love.

And Gimbert snatched up the Carolean yellow lady.

I could have wept.

[ Clicks tongue ] I know how you must have felt.

-It was gorgeous.

-It was a fake.

Really?

Oh, splendid.

I am pleased.

-As I suspect these are.

-Nonsense.

Genuine Victorian caricatures.

Burne-Jones.

Almost certainly.

Almost certainly Burne-Jones' style, but done by the remarkable Mr. Bexon.

Balls, Lovejoy.

I've already had a sweet offer for this.

Two Americans.

Was one blond and beautiful?

He wasn't exactly gross.

[ Laughs ] Why didn't you sell them?

Old Lord Ryecroft likes this sort of thing.

He might just up the ante.

Oh, Dandy, do me a favor.

Well, two, actually.

Let me photocopy those.

And stall our American cousins for a couple of days.

Why on earth should I?

Because they're not Burne-Jones, dear heart.

But only you and I know that.

For the moment.

-Oh!

-[ Thuds ] Just the man I wanted to see.

Oh.

You still in the area, then?

Sure am.

Been trying to acquire some of my uncle's effects.

-Yeah, I heard.

-Oh?

Dandy Jack said you'd made him an offer.

Ah, the drawings, yeah.

I thought they were quite attractive.

TINKER: [ Coughing ] Looks like I might have to raise the bidding, though.

Ah, this other dealer -- Dandy Jack?

He said you'd bought a chest of my uncle's belongings from him.

Just junk, I'm afraid.

I'd like to be the judge of that.

I'm a pretty good judge of junk.

[ Laughs ] Said you paid £10 for it.

I'd like to buy the stuff.

For nostalgic reasons.

Give you £20.

Clearly, nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

[ Laughs ] JANE: "I decided to leave them all in the urn.

I can't face the publicity yet.

All these TV people doing their interviews, they're such barbarians.

I need to do more research."

Why would he write a diary, then copy it out word for word?

Almost like forging his own work.

They're clues.

He'd do that.

He'd leave clues.

What do you mean?

You never knew the man.

I know the nature of the man.

He'd leave riddles.

He'd leave clues.

They're in those diaries somewhere.

-Is this a clue?

-Hmm?

Show me that.

It's a work sketch of Dandy Jack's drawing.

Janey, we're onto something.

I can smell it.

Read on.

Oh, it does feel awful somehow, reading people's private diaries.

No.

Bexon wanted you to.

He wanted them to be read, especially by somebody who is as curious and alert and as completely broke as I am.

[ Laughs ] [ Car approaches, stops ] -[ Car door closes ] -LOVEJOY: Good night, love.

[ Car departs ] [ Keys jingle ] [ Telephone rings ] Hello?

Who is it?

LOVEJOY: I want to speak to your maniac brother.

-[ Laughing ] Why?

-Why?!

Because he's wrecked my home, that's why.

Would have had his bloody rent tomorrow.

If you'd just shut your face a minute.

I'm telling you, Charlie's not here.

I see.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mandy.

Still looking for family mementos, eh?

When a guy doesn't play fair, you have to take steps.

Like breaking and entering here and at the museum?

Careful what you say, Lovejoy.

I wonder what the law would say about this.

There's nothing illegal about what an antique dealer does in the privacy of his own home.

EDWARD: Of course not.

What were you gonna sign this?

Richard Wilson?

I think I'll have you arrested.

The hell you will.

Don't act the wiseass with me.

I'm warning you.

You could just be stepping out of your league.

Well, you just stepped out of character.

Me and Nicole, we don't figure that box of trash you sold me was all you had of our uncle's stuff.

I don't like being threatened, Edward.

And I suggest you get the hell out of here unless you want an ear lopped off.

And kindly put that old master back where you found it.

LOVEJOY: Morning, Charlie!

Hang on.

19.

One more to go.

Do this every day.

Why don't you put a pool in the cottage?

Then you can raise my rent.

Then you'd owe me even more every bloody month.

-I brought your painting back.

-Oh?

You've been telling everyone it's a forgery.

-It is.

-I've already had an offer.

Sight unseen.

From our visiting American friends.

CHARLIE: That's right.

Bexon's family.

They're trying to collect his stuff for sentimental reasons.

Thanks.

I'd knock the price down for that Nicole, I'll tell you that.

What a darling.

What was Bexon's story?

Did you know him?

No, not really.

Sold him the house a couple of years ago.

Retired engineer, I think.

Died unexpectedly.

Left the place to Betty Springer.

His housekeeper.

Do you know her present address?

Of course I do.

I'm handling the sale, aren't I?

Well?

Huh?

Oh, she went back to the Isle of Man.

[ Water splashes ] Amanda!

I've told you before about swimming naked when there are people here.

Knock it off, Charlie.

Lovejoy's seen me before.

NICOLE: Lovejoy?

Lovejoy?

-Hi.

-Hello.

I just wanted to apologize for my brother's behavior.

Yeah, he seems to think I kept some things of yours.

I can't imagine what would be worth keeping.

-But Eddie's real uptight.

-So am I.

Mind you, it might have been different if you'd been creeping around my bedroom last night.

I guess that would have been more fun too.

Why don't I buy you lunch?

[ Thud ] [ Tires screech ] [ Footsteps ] [ Engine running ] Antiques are everything.

Nothing else exists.

When you hold an antique, you reach back through centuries.

You touch the hand of genius.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Mm.

When you hold an antique, you love it because the love that made it shines through.

Right.

That's why I'm a dealer.

I suppose that's why you and Edward are dealers too.

-Is that what you think?

-Mm.

I think you're a couple of normal, healthy collectors, ferreting around the English countryside in search of coins.

Well, you do seem to possess some sort of higher knowledge, Lovejoy.

Let's suppose you found a couple of Roman coins, and then you saw the pair that Bexon gave to the local museum and thought they were from the same batch.

And being a naturally healthy pair of collectors, you liberated them.

How am I doing so far?

[ Chuckles ] Best movie I've seen in months.

And being coin dealers, there's naturally more where they came from.

And somewhere in Uncle Jimmy's things there might be pointers to their whereabouts.

-Spot of port?

-No, thanks.

If any of this were true, where would that leave you?

In the hunt.

But not necessarily in the lead.

I think my nose is just in front.

Well, then, you should pick up the lunch tab, don't you think?

Certainly.

-Shit.

-[ Door closes ] Ah.

Quiche, trout, wine, port.

How nice.

I suppose you're hand in glove with her and her brother now?

I might reappraise my position.

I'd talk to Dandy Jack first.

He's in the hospital.

Someone tried to kill him.

What?

[ Jingle plays on radio ] MAN: The time is 8:00.

You're in tune with Radio 223.

[ Motorcycle engine revving ] For starters this morning, "Night For Day" by Jimmy Nail.

Lovejoy?

How's Dandy Jack?

Did you see him last night?

He'll live.

He was more upset because his sketches were ripped off.

He lost a deal with Lord Ryecroft.

-Did you bring the cash?

-Yeah.

But my dad wants evidence of a pronounced improvement in my endeavors.

He will have it, Eric.

There's a book here.

Biographical memoirs of extraordinary painters.

You read it before I get back.

ERIC: Hang on.

Get back from where?

I'm going up North.

Auction.

That cash is for your rent, Lovejoy.

I know it is.

Here, are you up to something?

I want in if you are.

Fair's fair.

You drink your coffee, Eric.

Readies, Brian.

[ Laughs ] Wonders will never cease.

-May I have an invoice?

-My pleasure, boy.

[ Engine turns over ] [ Keys jingling ] Mr. Lovejoy?

Mrs. Springer.

Yes.

How do you do?

I was just admiring the view.

Please come in.

That's why Mr. Bexon was always so reluctant to leave.

I can't say I blame him.

It quite shook me, your phone call, Mr. Lovejoy.

It's been years since anybody mentioned all that Roman stuff.

Mr. Bexon wrote it all up in a paper and sent it to professors at Oxford and Cambridge.

They just laughed at him.

He was a very shy person, and that wounded him deeply.

So after that, he decided to keep it all to himself.

What did he tell them?

Mr. Bexon's theory was that, while Boadicea was on the rampage, the Roman governor Suetonius had a kind of honeymoon here with a favorite mistress.

While he was supposed to be in Anglesey having a hard time with the Druids?

-Mm-hmm.

-Politics never change.

He said he'd found evidence of a small Roman presence.

The two coins he gave to the museum?

Yes, but he found a grave of some kind as well.

This was before I became his housekeeper.

There was an urn with ashes and coins and an inscription with the name Ysbal.

It was Mr. Bexon's theory that they'd been walking along the cliffs and she fell and was killed.

And Suetonius buried her here and then went back to the mainland to take it out on Boadicea.

Can imagine what the professors thought of that.

Yes, they said he'd made it all up.

Well, he was a bit of a faker, not to say a joker.

Never malicious, though.

[ Seabirds crying ] Oh, it's become so wild and overgrown.

When I was a little girl, this was like a train to fairyland.

Down there were pens with sea lions and polar bears.

And all lit up at night.

What's that?

SPRINGER: Oh, that was a cage they built for the keepers.

Oh, to feed the bears.

[ Door opens ] I'll make some tea, Mr. Lovejoy.

Oh.

Thank you.

-WOMAN: Shh!

-[ Laughter ] -SPRINGER: Can I help you?

-Mrs. Springer?

How nice to meet you.

Hello, Lovejoy.

Why don't you go and get some fish and chips, Lovejoy?

If you find treasure or archaeological stuff, you're surely not allowed to keep it.

No, you can't keep the actual stuff.

The coroner fixes a price with the assessor, and the finder gets the value.

You know, Lovejoy, that this treasure, if there is such a thing, wasn't ever intended for you.

It certainly wasn't intended for Edward or the lovely Nicole.

Mrs. Springer said Bexon never mentioned a family in the States.

It must have been them who got Dandy Jack.

Edward.

Nicole was with me.

Oh, yes.

The little lunch à deux in the wine bar.

Oh, please.

She means nothing.

That's not true.

You said she was adorable and you'd die for her.

Any other tasty titbits you'd like to impart, motor mouth?

Yeah, Charlie Gimbert's seen a solicitor about your rent, and Brian's reported you to the police for car theft.

Don't you want that haddock?

Be a three-way split now, eh?

Fair's fair.

I suppose that's why you did a runner on us.

No, I didn't.

I just didn't want you two sharing my problems.

Lovejoy!

Can you spare a moment?

Yes, milady.

The general plan, I take it, it is to traipse 'round all the landmarks in Bexon's dreary diary and hope something pops up.

Do we have a choice?

I would have thought that the sketch of the Lady Isabella was a much more significant clue.

Well, it probably is if we knew where the hell it was.

Hmm.

It's a local landmark.

And it's been staring you in the face for two days.

[ Laughs ] [ Calliope music playing ] JANE: There's no way anyone could hide anything in or around that wheel.

Besides, most of the year it must be crawling with tourists.

I wonder how long before Edward and your adorable Nicole turn up?

I was thinking the very same thing.

Well, how?

They didn't get the diaries.

No, but if they did get the original sketches, it won't take them long to find out what Lady Isabella is.

We could be here for ages.

MAN: It's 5 to 7:00.

This is BBC Radio Four.

Good morning, and over much of Britain it's a fine, bright June morning, but in many places it's been cold.

You're up with the lark, Mr. Lovejoy.

Oh.

Or didn't you sleep?

I'm really terribly sorry about the lack of heat.

It must be the boiler.

That's all right, Mrs. Springer.

Mr. Bexon was always up at this hour.

And he wouldn't have his breakfast until he'd had his walk.

Not even a hot drink.

Did he visit the seal pens a lot?

It was his favorite walk.

[ Seabirds crying, waves crashing ] EDWARD: Lovejoy!

Hey, Lovejoy!

How you making out?!

Have you found it yet?!

You'd better start guessing right!

LOVEJOY: What do you mean?

EDWARD: Guessing where it is.

Take your time.

I can wait.

When you guess right, I'll come over and haul you up.

-LOVEJOY: And if I don't?

-You will.

You can have as many guesses as you like.

I'm not afraid of you, Edward.

Help!

Lovejoy?

You ever seen lead shot ricochet?

One shot in that cage, and you'll be mashed like a tomato in a blender.

Well, then you'll know sod-all, won't you?

Knock it off.

Where you are is a consequence of what you know, what you got from the old man's little books.

When you're dead, I'll come over there and have access to both, right?

Maybe we can do a deal.

Whatever there is, is strictly for the two of us.

And what'll she end up with?

The two of us.

I do know!

And I'm not sharing it with some frigid lizard like you!

You think I'm screwing around, huh?

-[ Gunshot ] -[ Gasps ] Lovejoy?

Lovejoy?

Lovejoy?

I had to.

He was gonna shoot you.

He was like a crazy thing.

-I didn't mean to.

-It's all right.

-I was so afraid.

-It's all right.

He was so obsessed by some fanciful idea.

It wasn't so fanciful.

There is something.

I know where it is.

-You do?

-Like a flash.

It's funny what fear can do to you.

Pairs.

Bexon's clues were all in pairs.

Two Roman coins, two sketches, two Isabellas, two diaries.

Listen, I want you to get back, find my friends Eric and Jane.

Yes, I know where they are.

That's how we were able to follow you.

Well, wait with them, for me.

Okay?

[ Birds chirping ] Ysbal.

The original Isabella.

[ Gun cocks ] This is where we say goodbye.

Oh, you wouldn't use that.

I pushed Edward.

You were saving me.

I would have pushed him sooner or later.

This treasure buys a ticket to a lot of things, and he was never to be included.

Don't suppose he was your brother.

No.

We were partners.

But he was weak and scared.

You wouldn't have known we'd got the drawings if he'd finished off that gay dealer.

While we were having our cozy lunch.

[ Screaming ] -Lovejoy?

-Darling?

You know, when you're in prison sewing mail bags and eating baked beans, you'll look back fondly on our cozy little lunch.

Ahh.

Lovejoy?

Yes, sweetheart?

Lovejoy, there's something I have to get off my chest.

Oh, I hope it's your sweater.

Oh, I'm serious.

And I want you to be.

And honest.

What is it?

When we turned over the coins to the authorities, well, frankly, there didn't seem to be all that many.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is... -Did I take any?

-Well, yes.

I'm taking the share of the value, which we all are, which will pay my rent, my car, and I'll have a little money left over as a cushion to live on.

That keeps me ahead of the game.

Nose in front.

That's all I ask from life.

I thought you'd understand that.

Sorry.

You're forgiven.

-Any messages?

-Lots of bills.

[ Jacket thuds, coins clink ] Lovejoy.

Are there some coins in this pocket?

For a rainy day, Eric.

For a rainy day.