(female announcer) PRODUCTION COSTS FOR RARE VISIONS AND ROADSIDE REVELATIONS HAVE BEEN PAID FOR IN PART BY SPRINT, COMMITTED TO THE COMMUNITY, CONNECTING YOU TO THE WORLD.

(man) ♪ WELCOME TO A SHOW ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN SEE ♪ ♪ WITHOUT GOING FAR, AND A LOT OF THEM ARE FREE.

♪ ♪ IF YOU THOUGHT THERE WAS NOTHING ♪ ♪ IN THE OLD HEARTLAND, ♪ ♪ YOU OUGHT TO HIT THE BLACKTOP ♪ ♪ WITH THESE FOOLS IN A VAN.

♪ ♪ LOOK OUT, THEY'RE DRIVING HARD, ♪ ♪ CHECKING OUT ART IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD.

♪ ♪ RANDY DOES THE STEERING SO HE WON'T HURL.

♪ ♪ MIKE'S GOT THE MAP, SUCH A MAN OF THE WORLD.

♪ ♪ THAT'S DON WITH THE CAMERA, ♪ ♪ KIND OF HEAVY ON HIS SHOULDER.

♪ ♪ AND THAT GIANT BALL OF TAPE, IT'S A WORLD RECORD HOLDER.

♪ ♪ LOOK OUT, THEY'RE DRIVING HARD, ♪ ♪ CHECKING OUT ART IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD.

♪ ♪ LOOK OUT, THEY'RE DRIVING HARD, ♪ ♪ CHECKING OUT THE WORLD IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD, ♪ ING OUT THE WORLD IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD.

♪ ♪ (Don) DEAR TV MAILBAG, WHAT WAS I THINKING?

HI, DON THE CAMERA GUY HERE, AND FROM ALL INDICATIONS, IT APPEARS I'M ABOUT TO HIT THE ROAD AGAIN WITH THESE TWO SELF-CONFESSED TV WEASELS.

(Mike) THINK THIS CHRYSLER PART WILL HOLD HERE?

NOW, REMEMBER, ACCESSORIZING IS THE KEY.

(Don) THEY'RE OUT HERE TOUCHING UP OUR ONCE-TRUSTY VEHICLE, CHARACTERIZED BY LESS AND LESS PAINT AND MORE AND MORE GRILLWORK.

ONE MORE STRAP HERE.

(Don) NOW, FRANKLY, I'M AMAZED HOW MANY OF THEIR COWORKERS HAVE GATHERED TO SAY GOOD-BYE, BUT I GUESS THAT THE BIG BALL DOES HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS, AND THIS PARTICULAR WAVE MIGHT JUST EXPLAIN THE REST.

ANYWAY, WE'VE SET THE COMPASS FOR SOUTH-SOUTHWEST, AND I'M SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY, OF COURSE, BECAUSE TO ACTUALLY INSTALL THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN WAY TOO PRACTICAL.

AS ALWAYS, WE'RE LOOKING FOR ART THAT'S MADE BY PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T TRAINED TO MAKE IT AND WHATEVER ROADSIDE DISTRACTIONS POP UP ALONG THE WAY.

SHAMPOO, THAT'S WHAT I FORGOT.

(Don) IN FACT, WE WEREN'T ONE HOUR OUT OF KANSAS CITY WHEN RANDY NOTICED THE NEEDLE GETTING CLOSE TO "E," AND SINCE HE KNOWS THAT IT'S NOT FOR EFFORT OR EXCELLENCE, WE PULLED INTO GARNETT AND PROMPTLY FORT THE GAS WHEN FACED WITH THESE VERY DISTINCTIVE CIVIC MARKERS.

(Mike) WOW.

I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHO'S CUTTING THESE THINGS, MAN.

WHO MAKES THESE?

DO YOU KNOW?

NO, I SURE DON'T.

$1.34.

(Don) NOW, MARY ANNE HERE IN THE POST OFFICE WASN'T SURE EITHER, BUT SHE KNEW WHO WOULD KNOW AND, IN THE MEANTIME, GOT VERY EXCITED ABOUT CLOSE CONTACT WITH OUR WOOLDING PASSENGER.

30 POUNDS EXACTLY.

PRIORITY MAIL, IT WOULD BE $16.45.

(Don) BEING ONE OF YOUR MORE HELPFUL GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES, SHE THEN POINTED US DOWN THE STREET TO THE KIRK HOUSE, A GRAND OLD B&B WHOSE WALLS AND GROUNDS ARE OVERFLOWING WITH GRASSROOTS ART.

TURNS OUT THE TWO ROBERTS WHO RUN IT ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR BRINGING GINO SALERNO IN FROM WICHITA TO WORK HIS CHAIN SAW MAGIC AND FOR HAVING A PROFOUND EFFECT ON MORE THAN A FEW OF GARNETT'S GARAGES.

YEAH, WE GOT FOUR FLOORS HERE, AND IT'S FULL OF STUFF.

AND THAT'S OUR GARDEN HOUSE.

THESE WERE DONE BY VIRGIL ASHBURN, WHO DIED LAST YEAR AT ABOUT 93 OR 94.

AS A YOUTH, HE DID THE FOUNDATION OF OUR HOUSE WITH HIS FATHER.

THESE ARE NICE, BUT THERE'RE SOME ESPECIALLY CHOICE ONES AT HIS HOME JUST DOWN THE STREET, THIS IS JOHN STEINBERGER FROM INDEPENDENCE.

JOHN GREW UP WITH WILLIAM INGE, WHO WAS HIS NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR.

AND HE'S STILL LIVING IN HIS FAMILY HOME WITH HIS SISTER.

WE GOT A GRANT FROM THE KANSAS ARTS COMMISSION, AND WE DID EIGHT MURALS IN GARNETT WITH ANOTHER COUPLE COMING UP THIS SPRING-- SUMMER.

(Randy) HOW TRICKY IS IT TO TALK PEOPLE IN SMALL KANSAS TOWNS INTO LETTING YOU PAINT MURALS ON THEIR OUTBUILDINGS?

EASY.

WE COME ON STRONG.

WE'RE ABRASIVE, AND THEY WANT TO GET-- KEEP US AWAY, SO THEY SAY, "YES, DO IT.".

(Robert Logan) WE'RE VERY ECLECTIC, AS YOU CAN SEE.

THERE'S NO THEME TO ANYTHING; THERE'S NO RHYME OR REASON.

IT JUST SORT OF GROWS.

YOU'LL SEE GROUPS OF OLD WOODEN TOPS.

YOU'LL SEE GROUPS OF OLD YARDSTICKS.

YOU'LL SEE SNAKES-- A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING.

MOST PEOPLE ARE VERY SURPRISED WHEN THEY WALK IN THE FRONT DOOR.

IT'S NOT WHAT THEY EXPECTED FROM THE OUTSIDE.

(Mike) AND ARE THEY INTERESTED IN THE FOLK ART?

DO YOU THINK THAT'S PARTLY WHAT DRAWS THEM?

(Robert Cujno) THE NOTORIETY DRAWS THEM, GOOD NOTORIETY.

(Mike) LIKE, YOU ROBBED SOME BANKS SOMEWHERE, OR A KWIK TRIP, MAYBE?

NO, THE OTHER KIND-- GOOD NOTORIETY.

YEAH, GOOD--IS THERE SUCH A THING AS GOOD NOTORIETY?

(Don) THE TWO ROBERTS LIKE TO POINT OUT, IT WASN'T AS IF THEY'D INTENDED TO DO ALL THIS.

IT JUST SORT OF HAPPENED.

SO OUR UNEXPECTED VISIT FITS RIGHT IN.

THERE'S EVEN MORE TO SEE HERE, BUT HAVING BEEN ON THE ROAD ABOUT A HALF A DAY NOW, WE WERE ALREADY ABOUT A HALF A DAY BEHIND.

STILL, SINCE IOLA IS RANDY'S HOMETOWN, WE PAUSED THERE BRIEFLY FOR SOME VERY FAST FOOD, AND I ADMIRED THE KIND OF FRIENDLINESS THAT MUST HAVE SHAPED HIS FORMATIVE YEARS.

OH, WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH WARM AND FUZZY MEMORIES.

JUST EIGHT MILES DOWN HIGHWAY 54, WE HIT PIQUA, BIRTHPLACE OF A CONSIDERABLY MORE FAMOUS ENTERTAINER, BUSTER KEATON, THOUGH ONLY BECAUSE BUSTER'S TRAVELING VAUDEVILLE PARENTS HAPPENED TO BE TRAVELING THROUGH HERE WHEN THE BLESSED EVENT OCCURRED IN A TENT PITCHED SOMEWHERE NEAR WHERE THE CO-OP'S DIESEL PUMPS STAND NOW.

THE HAPPY FAMILY STAYED ONLY ABOUT A DAY OR SO, AND GIVEN OUR CIRCUMSTANCES, WE COULDN'T LINGER LONG EITHER.

NOW, ALREADY, OUR A.C. WAS STARTING TO SHOW SIGNS OF WEAKNESS AS WE PUSHED FURTHER INTO SOUTHEAST KANSAS, TOWARDS A LITTLE TOWN CALLED HOWARD AND A RENDEZVOUS WITH THIS MAN, REALTOR, FARMER, AND CREATOR OF A SMALL ROADSIDE WONDER THE LOCALS KNOW AS "HUBBELL'S RUBBLE."

(Jerry) I STARTED THE SCARECROW OVER THERE A LONG TIME AGO.

THEN MY GRANDSON, HE WAS INTO DINOSAURS.

SURE.

(Jerry) SO I STARTED WITH MY DINOSAUR FOR HIM.

MY OTHER GRANDSON LIKED BATMAN.

I PUT HIM ON A MOTORCYCLE.

FOUND THE MOTORCYCLE IN THE PASTURE, DEAD.

(Randy) YOU COULD HAVE JUST BOUGHT YOUR GRANDSON AN ACTION FIGURE, COULDN'T YOU?

YOU KNOW, THEY HAVE THOSE LITTLE THINGS AT THE STORE FOR FIVE BUCKS.

YEAH, I KNOW, BUT THAT'D TAKE THE FUN OUT OF IT.

YEAH, THIS WATER TANK, PRESSURE TANK, STARTED WITH.

THIS COAT'S THE BOTTOM OUT OF A STEEL BIN, GRAIN BIN.

FRIEND GAVE ME THIS SULKY HERE AND THEN GAVE ME A LAWN-- I GOT A LAWNMOWER, SO I JUST TOOK THAT OFF AND PUT IT ON HERE.

GOOD FRIEND OF MINE DOWN AT ELK FALLS SAID, "HEY, I HAVE A PART TO A STOVE.

I THINK IT COULD BE A TURTLE."

SHE WAS RIGHT.

I FOUND THIS BY THE BARN.

I WAS CHECKING THE CATTLE ONE MORNING.

I CAME OVER THE HILL AND LOOKED UP AND SAW THIS BIG NECK STICKING UP, AND I SAID, "WHOOPS, THERE HE IS."

(Randy) BECAUSE YOU'D SEEN A PURPLE PEOPLE-EATER ONE OTHER TIME?

(Jerry) NO.

NO, I TOOK ISSUE WITH SHEB WOOLEY, BECAUSE I DON'T THINK HE REALLY KNEW WHAT HE WAS SINGING ABOUT.

DO YOU KNOW THAT SONG?

YEAH, WOULD YOU SING IT?

UH, NO, I JUST SING WHEN I HAVE TO.

NO, I'D RATHER NOT.

NOT EVEN A QUICK CHORUS?

NO.

(Mike) WERE YOU ALWAYS CREATIVE AS A YOUNG KID OR JUST SOMETHING CAME INTO YOU A LITTLE LATER?

(Jerry) NOT REALLY, NO.

[squeaking] NO, I DON'T KNOW.

IT JUST HAPPENED.

IT JUST HAPPENED.

YOU DIDN'T FALL AND HIT YOUR HEAD OR ANYTHING, OR IT WASN'T A SICKNESS?

WELL, IT COULD HAVE BEEN.

I DID FALL OFF A HORSE A TIME OR TWO.

IT'S JUST A HOBBY, AND, NORMALLY, I'M GOOD FOR ONE OR TWO A YEAR.

WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN AT IT, AND AS LONG AS EVERYBODY ENJOYS IT AND WILL STOP AND TAKE A LOOK ONCE IN A WHILE AND IT'S GOOD FOR A GRIN, IT'LL STAY HERE.

(Don) NOW, IN SPITE OF HIS HIGHLY DESIRABLE, RIGHT-NEXT-TO-THE-HIGHWAY LOCATION, JERRY'S NOT IN THIS TO MAKE MONEY.

IN FACT, HE SAYS THE ONLY PIECE HE'S SOLD, HE KIND OF WISHES HE HAD BACK.

SPEAKING OF HAPPY RETURNS, HOW OFTEN DO YOU SEE A PRODUCER MOVE THIS FAST?

UP TILL NOW, IN THE NORMAL COURSE OF EVENTS, IT ALWAYS SEEMS THAT I AM THE LAST TO KNOW WHERE WE'RE HEADING NEXT.

BUT THIS TIME, YOU'RE GOING TO BE.

SEEMS WE'VE GOTTEN A REALLY GOOD TIP ON A YARD FULL OF UNUSUAL ART BUILT BY THE OCCUPANTS OF THIS NOW-UNOCCUPIED HOUSE SOMEWHERE HERE DOWN IN WHAT THEY CALL "THE KANSAS OZARKS."

THE OWNER SAID IT'D BE OKAY IF WE TOOK SOME PICTURES, BUT IF WE TOLD YOU WHERE IT WAS, WE'D HAVE TO KILL YOU.

IT IS TRULY A KIND OF LOST WORLD BACK HERE, NOT UNLIKE SOME KIND OF MAYAN RUINS DONE UP WITH A REPUBLICAN FLAIR AND DOMINATED, I FEAR, BY TICKS AND MOSQUITOES.

BY THE TIME WE EMERGED, TWO THINGS HAD BECOME CLEAR.

OUR AIR CONDITIONING WAS SURELY A THING OF THE PAST AND SO, FOR THE MOST PART, WAS THE DAY'S DAYLIGHT, THE FINAL PASSING OF WHICH WE OBSERVED IN FINE FASHION, HERE, OVERLOOKING THE SCENIC FALLS FROM WHICH THE TOWN OF ELK FALLS-- AND THANKFULLY, THERE WERE NONE OF THOSE-- DERIVES ITS NAME.

AND ONE FOR THE FISHIES.

GRRROMP!

DID YOU FEED AN ANACONDA?

(Don) NO.

(Mike) LET'S DON'T GET RUN OVER OUT HERE IN TRAFFIC, ALTHOUGH I'M SURE THERE ARE THOSE WHO WOULD APPLAUD.

(Don) ON OCCASION, I HAVE IMPLIED THAT THESE TWO ARE NOT THE BRIGHTEST BULBS, BUT EVEN THEY COULD SEE THAT SHARING THE VAN WITH A SURLY, SWEAT-SOAKED CAMERA GUY FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME WOULD NOT BE A GOOD IDEA, HENCE THIS FIRST-THING-IN-THE-MORNING, I'M-NOT-EVEN-SURE-HOW-WE-GOT-IT- IN-SO-QUICK APPOINTMENT WITH MASTER MECHANIC KEVIN.

HE'S TALKING ABOUT EVACUATING OUR SYSTEM, WHICH IS SOMETHING I'VE HAD TO DO ON THE ROAD A FEW TIMES, AND HE SEEMS TO BE CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC.

IF IT STARTS GETTING WARM, I MEAN, LIKE WHEN YOU GET DOWN THERE.

THE HOTTER IT GETS, IF YOU'RE GONNA IDLE MUCH OR ANYTHING, YOU NEED TO MOVE YOUR DOG.

OH, NO.

YEAH, 'CAUSE, SEE, THE A.C. CONDENSER SITS RIGHT HERE.

OH, NO.

RIGHT BEHIND YOUR DOG, AND IT NEEDS ALL THE AIR IT CAN GET, OR IT'LL BUILD UP TOO MUCH PRESSURE.

(Don) IT WAS HERE THAT I FIRST STARTED HEARING TALK ABOUT THE BIG ROCK, A NATURAL PHENOMENON THAT ONE OF OUR VIEWERS THOUGHT WE MIGHT LIKE TO SEE FOR OURSELVES.

APPARENTLY, IT TURNED UP DURING ROAD CONSTRUCTION OUT ON HIGHWAY 166 BETWEEN CEDAR VALE AND SEDAN LAST FALL AND PEOPLE HAVE BEEN FLOCKING OUT TO SEE IT EVER SINCE.

GOOD LUCK.

(Don) AS IT TURNS OUT, SEDAN CAN ALSO MAKE SEVERAL OTHER CLAIMS TO FAME, CHIEF AMONG THEM AS BEING THE BIRTHPLACE OF YET ANOTHER FIGURE FROM THE ENTERTAINMENT WORLD, EMMETT KELLY.

THOUGH WE DIDN'T HAVE TIME FOR THE MUSEUM, WE DID PAUSE BRIEFLY TO ADMIRE HIS WEARY WILLIE, STANDING PROUDLY IN THE GREAT OUTDOORS.

DOWNTOWN SEDAN HAS, FOR REASONS I'M STILL NOT QUITE SURE OF, BUILT ITS OWN YELLOW BRICK ROAD, WHICH ENDS CONVENIENTLY RIGHT AT THE FOOT OF THE GREEN DOOR CAFE, WHERE RANDY FIGURED HE COULD GRAB SOME COFFEE WHILE MIKE ENHANCED OUR MINIMAL DATABASE.

(Mike) HE Y, CHARLENE, HAVE YOU SEEN TH E BIG ROCK?

I'VE SEEN A PICTURE OF THE BIG ROCK.

(Mike) SO THAT'S JUST DOWN TH E HIGHWAY?

I THINK SO.

(Don) IT SEEMED LIKE NO ONE KNEW EXACTLY WHERE IT WAS, BUT ACCORDING TO THE GENERAL CONSENSUS, IT'S A BIG ROCK, AND YOU REALLY CAN'T MISS IT.

SO AFTER A COUPLE REFILLS AND A QUICK ROLL, WE TOOK OUR BEST SHOT AT PROVING THEM WRONG.

(Mike) IT'S A BIG ROCK.

(Randy) IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A NAME, IT'S SO NEW.

(Don) IS THERE, LIKE, A BIG ROCK CAFE?

(Randy) WH EN WE SEE IT, WE 'LL KNOW IT.

(Don) ARE WE BETWEEN A BIG ROCK AND A HARD PLACE?

YEAH, HE SAID A HILL, YOU COME OVER A HILL.

(Don) MAYBE THEY MADE IT INTO GRAVEL.

IS THAT IT?

(Randy) WHERE?

RIGHT THERE, TH E ROCK RIGHT, RIGHT-- (Mike) THAT'S A BALE OF HAY.

WHOA, WHOA, BIG ROCK.

WHOA, BIG ROCK RIGHT THERE.

OH, MY GOD.

THAT'S GOT TO BE IT.

(Mike) LOOK AT THAT ROCK.

(Randy) BIG, BIG ROCK.

(Don) THERE IS PROBABLY A LESSON TO BE LEARNED HERE, AND IT'S PROBABLY ABOUT CONTEXT AND RELATIVITY.

YOU MIGHT EVEN EXPLORE BIOLOGY, GEOLOGY, AND OTHER EARTH SCIENCES, BUT NOT ON THIS SHOW.

INSTEAD, WE CHOSE TO MAKE A RUN FOR THE BORDER INTO OKLAHOMA, IN PARTICULAR TO DEWEY, HOME OF THE TOM MIX MUSEUM.

UNLIKE THOSE OTHER TRIBUTES TO SHOWFOLK WE'VE ALREADY PASSED BY, THE SIREN SONG OF THIS ONE COULD NOT BE DENIED.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE FAMED SUITCASE OF DEATH THAT RESIDES WITHIN THESE WALLS, AND WE'LL GET TO THAT IN A MINUTE.

BUT FIRST, A FEW OF THE BASICS.

(Randy) WHY DEWEY?

(Jean) WHY DEWEY?

MIX'S THIRD WIFE, OLIVIA STOKES, WAS FROM DEWEY.

(Mike) YEAH?

(Jean) AND HE WAS TOWN MARSHALL HERE IN 1912.

HIS MOVIE CAREER STARTED IN 1909, AND HE, UH, FILMED HIS FIRST MOVIE SOUTHWEST OF HERE.

(Mike) WHAT YEAR DID HE INVENT THE MIX MASTER?

NOW, THAT I DON'T KNOW.

AND HE WAS IN THE SPANISH-AMERICAN WAR.

THIS IS REALLY INTERESTING, BECAUSE WHEN HE LEFT, HE DIDN'T TELL 'EM-- HE DIDN'T TELL 'EM GOOD-BYE.

I GUESS YOU'D SAY HE WAS A.W.O.L.

(Randy) SO WOULD THESE BE MIXOLOGISTS WHO COME THROUGH HERE?

(Jean) MM-HMM.

(Randy) YOU KNOW, TOM MIX MANIACS?

(Jean) RIGHT.

HE REALLY LIKED GLOVES.

THOSE ARE SOME BEAUTIFUL GLOVES.

(Jean) WELL, I THINK THOSE WERE PROBABLY WHAT HE USED IN HIS MOVIES.

(Randy) DO PEOPLE THINK OF THAT WHEN THEY THINK OF TOM MIX MOVIES?

"WOW, I LOVED HIS GLOVES."

(Jean) WELL, THEY THINK OF THAT AND HIS HATS.

THAT'S A COSSACK SADDLE.

IT'S FROM RUSSIA.

MOST OF THIS STUFF WAS FROM HIS NEPHEW, I BELIEVE.

OF COURSE, WE SHOW THE MOVIES IN HERE.

HE FILMED 300-PLUS FILMS.

YOU KNOW HE DIED IN A CAR CRASH?

WHAT IT WAS WAS, IT WAS A CONSTRUCTION ZONE, AND HE WAS KIND OF SPEEDING, AND HE LOST CONTROL.

AND ONE OF THESE METAL SUITCASES WAS SETTING ON THE BACKSEAT, COME FORWARD, AND HIT HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD AND BROKE HIS NECK.

(Mike) OO H. OW.

(Randy) NO W, YOU NEVER HEAR ABOUT ANYBODY DYING FROM A SUITCASE, DO YOU?

WELL, THEY'RE (Don) AND THAT, IN A NUTSHELL, IS WHAT THOSE OTHER TOM MIX MUSEUMS-- THERE'S ONE IN PENNSYLVANIA AND ONE IN ARIZONA-- DO NOT AND NEVER WILL HAVE.

TOM MIX SHOT GLASSES.

(Don) A FEW SOUVENIRS LATER, WE LEFT, NOT ONLY ENTERTAINED, BUT SOMEWHAT WISER IN THE WAYS OF AUTOMOTIVE SAFETY, NOW FULLY AWARE HOW OUR PRIZE POSSESSION COULD ALSO BE A HIGHLY LETHAL HIGHWAY PROJECTILE.

A LITTLE GIVE-AND-TAKE IS WHAT YOU NEED.

(Randy) SH OULD HAVEA LITTLE PLAY.

A LITTLE PLAY.

(Don) WITH ALL PARTIES NOW STRAPPED TO THE MAX, WE PUSHED FURTHER SOUTH, MOVING CLOSER AND CLOSER, WE NOTICED, TO A COUPLE OF OUR FAVORITE SITES FROM PREVIOUS TRIPS: CATOOSA'S BIG BLUE WHALE ON OLD ROUTE 66 AND ED GALLOWAY'S TOTEM POLE PARK OUTSIDE FOYIL, BOTH OF WHICH CAN BE CONVENIENTLY VIEWED ON VOLUME THREE OF OUR CONVENIENTLY AVAILABLE VIDEOTAPES, JUST $19.95, PLUS $3.95 SHIPPING AND HANDLING.

ANYWAY, ED WAS THE KIND OF GUY WHO THOUGHT BIG, BUT FOR SHEER SIZE, EVEN HE COULDN'T QUITE MATCH THE BIG DRILLER, OVERLORD OF TULSA'S FAIRGROUNDS, WHERE WE FELT COMPELLED TO ANSWER THE CALL OF SPRING WITH A QUICK GAME OF CATCH.

thwik!

thwik!

thwik!

thwak!

OH!

(Don) OR NOT.

(Randy) SOMETHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH THE PROPORTION BEING OFF HERE.

HARD TO GAUGE THINGS CORRECTLY WHEN YOUR LEFT FIELDER IS, YOU KNOW, OVER 100 FEET TALL.

THIS IS GONNA BE AN EASY ONE.

(Don) I GUESS THE BIG GUY IS A DRAMATIC REMINDER THAT PETROLEUM PRODUCTS ARE THE PRIDE AND JOY OF THIS PART OF THE STATE.

THERE'S ALSO A GREAT DEAL OF NATIVE AMERICAN HISTORY AND CULTURE TUCKED AWAY DOWN HERE, THOUGH IN OUR HASTE TO MAKE HUGO BY NIGHTFALL, ABOUT THE CLOSEST WE GOT WAS THE INDIAN NATIONS TURNPIKE.

TWO MORE PAY STATIONS.

$1.24.

THIS CONFUSES ME.

(Don) THEIR TOLL SYSTEM'S COMPLEXITY CONTINUED TO BAFFLE RANDY, SO WHILE HE MULLED ON THAT, THE REST OF US SAT BACK AND ENJOYED THE DRIVE, AT LEAST UNTIL MIKE SHARED SOME MOTHERLY ADVICE.

(Mike) SH E DOESN'T CARE FO R THESE PARTS OF THE SHOW WHERE WE'RE JUST TO OLING AROUND IN THE CAR, SHOWING THE COUNTRYSIDE.

SHE SAYS, "SPEND THE TIME AT THE LOCATIONS."

MOM, GET YOUR OWN SHOW.

(Don) FAMILY ISSUES ASIDE, IT LOOKS AS THOUGH WE'D MADE IT SAFE AND SOUND THROUGH ANOTHER FUN-FILLED DAY, THOUGH ONE OF US WAS A LITTLE CONCERNED ABOUT THIS PLACE.

[pavement crunching] NOW, OUR RESEARCH DEPARTMENT, OR WHAT THERE IS OF IT, SAYS A COUPLE OF BIG-TIME CIRCUSES SPEND THEIR WINTERS DOWN HERE IN SOUTHERN OKLAHOMA.

OTHERWISE, I'D WONDER JUST WHY WE'D GO TO HUGO.

NOTHING MUCH ABOUT MAIN STREET THAT'S OUT OF THE ORDINARY.

HOWEVER, ONCE YOU GET OUT TO MOUNT OLIVET CEMETERY, THE FACT THAT SO MANY OF THE OCCUPANTS' OCCUPATIONS ARE UNUSUAL WILL CATCH YOUR EYE.

(Cindy) WELL, PROBABLY IN THE '60s IS WHEN THEY STARTED; THEY PUT THE MONUMENT UP FOR THE ELEPHANT.

AND, NO, WE DON'T HAVE AN ELEPHANT BURIED HERE.

EVIDENTLY, MR. MOORE, RIGHT OVER HERE, HE'S THE FOUNDER-- THAT LOOKS LIKE A BIG-TOP.

WE LIKED THAT ONE.

(Cindy) RIGHT.

HE WAS KIND OF ONE OF THE FIRST ONES IN THIS AREA, YOU KNOW?

WE ALSO HAVE JOHN STRONG.

HE CAME TO US FROM CALIFORNIA.

HE'S CALLED THE "TALL GRASS SHOWMAN."

(Randy) BUT HE HAD MORE FRIENDS-- (Cindy) MORE FRIENDS THAN SANTA CLAUS.

(Randy) NOW, DID SOMEONE COUNT?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT I THOUGHT THAT WAS UNIQUE.

THIS IS CALLED SHOWMAN'S REST.

AND JOHN CARROLL HAS A TRUST FUND, AND WHENEVER SOMEONE DIES AND THEY DON'T HAVE THE MONEY OR WHATEVER BUT THEY ARE A CIRCUS-CONNECTED PERFORMER, THEY WILL BUY A STONE FOR HIM AND PUT IT UP.

TED BOWMAN IS STILL ALIVE.

AND HE HAS A VERY UNIQUE STONE HERE THAT LOOKS LIKE A WAGON WHEEL.

AND HE HAS THE SAYING ON HIS STONE, "THERE'S NOTHING LEFT BUT EMPTY POPCORN SACKS AND WAGON WHEELS.

THE CIRCUS IS ALL GONE."

THIS IS THE LONG LINE OF THE MILLERS HERE.

THIS PARTICULAR STONE, THIS ONE AND THAT ONE, DEPICTS THE FRONT OF THE GATES OF THEIR HOME, WHICH IS OUT ON THE EDGE OF TOWN.

(Mike) ARE THEY STILL WITH US?

(Cindy) UH-HUH.

(Randy) IS THAT SETTING A TREND?

ARE YOU STARTING TO SEE OT HERS WHO-- OH, THERE'S MANY.

THIS ONE RIGHT HERE, THE McINTOSHES, THEY'RE BOTH STILL ALIVE, AND THEY HAVE THEIR STONE.

THEY WERE NOT ACTUALLY PERFORMERS.

THEY WERE CONCESSION WORKERS.

(Mike) THAT'S A LITTLE STRANGE TO THINK, "WELL, YOU KNOW, PUT IT OUT THERE IN ADVANCE."

(Cindy) MM-HMM.

AND PEOPLE ARE COMING TO VISIT THEM WHETHER THEY'RE DEAD OR ALIVE.

THAT'S THE BEAUTY, YOU KNOW?

TOUR BUSES COME, WHICH--THEY-- ONCE THEY START, THEY GO TO THE CIRCUS, THEN THEY GO BY OUR CHAPEL.

THEY STOP AND PAUSE AT THE ORIGINAL BUSTER BROWN.

HIS NAME IS ED ANSLEY.

HE'S THE ORIGINAL BUSTER BROWN HERE.

OH, HOLD ON, NOW.

UH-OH, WE HAVE A CONFLICT HERE.

(Cindy) DISCREPANCY?

(Mike) WE SAW THE ORIGINAL BUSTER BROWN'S GRAVE DOWN IN-- (Randy) HO RNERSVILLE, MI SSOURI.

HORNERSVILLE, MISSOURI.

(Cindy) NO .

OH, THEY'VE GOT A BIG STATUE ERECTED AND EVERYTHING.

AH!

NOW, THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN TOLD.

(Don) IT WAS ABOUT THIS TIME WE REALIZED HOW MIKE WALLACE MUST FEEL WHEN HE'S MOVING IN FOR THE KILL.

I FEEL FALSE.

(Don) ACTUALLY, THE MORE WE DISCUSSED BUSTERGATE, THE MORE IT BECAME APPARENT THAT, IN ALL LIKELIHOOD, A NUMBER OF LITTLE PEOPLE, INCLUDING ED ANSLEY, MUST HAVE PLAYED THE ROLE AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER.

AND WE SHOULD GIVE THIS NICE LADY AND HER WELL-MAINTAINED CEMETERY-- THAT'S ALSO STARTING TO ATTRACT SOME BULL RIDERS-- THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.

(Cindy) I LOVE IT.

CLOSE THE GATES, SAFEST PLACE IN THE WORLD.

IT'S NOT THE DEAD PEOPLE THAT BOTHER ME; IT'S THE LIVE PEOPLE THAT COME IN HERE THAT BOTHER ME.

(Don) TURNS OUT THERE'S MORE ABOUT ALL THIS AND OTHER HUGO HISTORY IN THE RECENTLY RESTORED TRAIN DEPOT DOWNTOWN, COMPLETE WITH--AND I THINK I'LL TAKE THEIR WORD ON THIS ONE-- THE ONLY HARVEY HOUSE RESTAURANT STILL FUNCTIONING IN ITS ORIGINAL STATION.

YOU COULD EVEN CATCH THE TRAIN TO PARIS HERE, THOUGH WE STUCK TO THE HIGHWAY INSTEAD, USHERED INTO THE LONE STAR STATE BY THIS FERTILE FIELD OF WILDFLOWERS FLOWERIN' WILDLY JUST OUTSIDE TOWN, A TOWN WHICH, BY THE WAY, HAS MADE A BOLD ATTEMPT TO LIVE UP TO ITS NAME.

OKAY, THERE WEREN'T MANY CROISSANTS OR SNOOTY GUYS WITH BERETS.

IN FACT, YOU CAN PRETTY MUCH VIVA LA DIFF'RENCE BY CLOSELY OBSERVING THE FOOTWEAR IN THIS OTHERWISE TRADITIONAL TABLEAU.

ANOTHER RESOURCE THERE'S A LOT MORE OF HERE THAN IN FRANCE WOULD APPEAR TO BE DUST, WHICH WE'VE BEEN ACCUMULATING A GREAT DEAL OF.

AND YOU KNOW HOW THOSE PRODUCERS ARE WHEN THEY HEAR THE WORD FREE.

(Randy) YO U DO HORNS, DO N'T YOU?

(Don) GE T THE SCRATCHES OFF, NOW.

(Mike) DO N'T DROWN MY DOG, WH ATEVER YOU DO.

DON'T DROWN MY DOG.

(Don) NOW, YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOOK CLOSELY.

CONSIDERING OUR PEELING EXOSKELETON, THIS JUST MIGHT BE THE BEST OUR CHRYSLER PRODUCT EVER LOOKS AGAIN.

AND PEEL WE DID ACROSS THE PLAINS OF NORTH TEXAS, FAR TOO RAPIDLY, I FEAR, TO SIT IN ON ANY CLASSES HERE.

NO, WE WERE IN HOT PURSUIT OF MORE AMAZING ART, SITTING HALFWAY BETWEEN DENTON AND DALLAS.

NOW, IF YOU KNOW YOUR NUTS, YOU MIGHT RECOGNIZE LEWISVILLE AS BEING THE SITE OF THE WORLD'S ONLY PECAN MUSEUM.

(B.W.)

I DO 'EM JUST THE WAY I SEE 'EM.

NOW, IF I SEE SOMETHING GOING ON OUT THERE, YOU KNOW, JUST EVERYDAY LIFE, I'LL COME HOME AND PUT IT ON PECANS.

I'LL KIND OF PHOTOGRAPH IT IN MY MEMORY AND PUT IT ON PECANS.

(Don) AT FIRST, ALL THESE WERE JUST SOMETHING B.W.

USED TO ADVERTISE HIS NUTCRACKING BUSINESS.

THAT OPERATION IS GONE NOW, BUT THIS FORMER AUTO WORKER HAS JUSTLY BECOME KNOWN AS THE "PECAN PICASSO."

(B.W.)

I DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO GO AS FAR OUT AS IT DID, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE IT'S BEEN ON CNN, AND IT'S GONE IN A 125 COUNTRIES AND THAT KIND OF STUFF.

IT'S TAKEN UP ALL MY ROOM IN THE LIVING ROOM, SO I SAID, "WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING."

SO WE MOVED IT DOWN HERE AND BOUGHT THESE CASES AND EVERYTHING.

(B.W.)

NOW, THIS TYPE OF PECAN HERE, I CAN DO A LOT OF THINGS WITH IT.

I CAN CUT IT OFF IN HALF THERE AND MAKE A MICKEY MOUSE NOSE OUT OF IT.

BY CUTTING IT OFF, PUTTING IT ON A ROUND PECAN, I CAN MAKE A SANTA CLAUS HAT OUT OF IT.

AND I CAN MAKE AN OLD MAN'S BACK OUT OF IT TOO, SEE?

(Randy) SO DO YOU KNOW WHICH PECANS, NOW, MAKE THE BEST BODY PARTS?

(B.W.)

YEAH, JUST LIKE ROSEANNE.

SEE, SHE'S KIND OF HEAVY, ON THE, YOU KNOW, HEAVY SIDE, SO I'D USE THE FULLER PECANS FOR HER, YOU SEE.

TRY TO PUT YOU ANYWHERE.

SEE, LIKE, THIS ONE RIGHT HERE, THE STRIPPER, SHE'S AUCTIONING OFF HER BRA, AND THESE GUYS ARE BIDDING ON IT.

AND THIS GUY AROUND HERE, HE'S HAVING SO MUCH FUN, HIS WIFE CLOCKED HIM UPSIDE THAT HEAD, YOU SEE.

WHEN DAN QUAYLE COULDN'T SPELL POTATO, THAT'S THE WAY I SAW HIM, SO THAT'S WHY I DO HIM THAT WAY.

SEE, THIS IS BETTY BOOP.

NOW, SOME OF THESE PECANS GROW TOGETHER, AND SO WHEN YOU TURN HER AROUND, SHE'S MOONING.

(Mike) SO WHO DO WE GOT IN THAT CASE?

(B.W.)

WELL, I PUT THE ROTTENEST ONES FIRST: RONALD REAGAN.

AND THERE'S HIS WIFE, NANCY.

AND GEORGE BUSH.

I CALL IT NUTTY NUPTIALS.

SHE'S IN THE FAMILY WAY, AND HE'S TAKING OFF RUNNING, AND HER FATHER BACK THERE IS GOING TO MAKE HIM DO THE RIGHT THING WITH THAT SHOTGUN.

(Randy) THIS IS ALL PECANS?

(B.W.)

UH, EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, I HAVE TO PUT A LITTLE WIRE TO MAKE A LITTLE CURVE OR SOMETHING.

MOST OF IT IS JUST PECANS AND, LIKE I SAY, THE HAIR-- I STARTED MAKING THE HAIR OUT OF THE HOT GLUE THAT I GLUE THEM TOGETHER WITH.

ONE THAT ACTUALLY MADE HIS STUFF.

(Don) THERE ARE NO ROAD SIGNS TO GUIDE YOU HERE, BUT IF YOU CALL AHEAD, THE CRAWFORDS WILL BE GLAD TO SHOW YOU AROUND.

JUST DON'T EXPECT TO SEE HIS BEST-KNOWN PIECE, THE ALL-PECAN VERSION OF THE LAST SUPPER.

B.W.

DONATED IT TO RIPLEY'S FOR ONE OF THEIR MUSEUMS.

I DONATED IT TO THEM, 'CAUSE I FELT LIKE IT-- A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD SEE IT, YOU KNOW?

THAT'S WHY I DON'T HAVE A CHARGE DOWN HERE.

I PUT "DONATIONS ACCEPTED," 'CAUSE SOMEBODY MIGHT NOT HAVE ANY MONEY.

YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?

AND SO I LET--I WANT EVERYBODY TO SEE IT.

IF, YOU KNOW, THEY DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY, THAT'S FINE.

(Don) THAT'S OUR KIND OF ATTRACTION, AND THEY'RE OUR KIND OF HOSTS.

BUT I'M AFRAID THE ROAD BECKONS, AND WE'VE GOTTA GET CRACKIN'.

AFTER ALL, I'M DON THE CAMERA GUY, SIGNING OFF.

IF WE DON'T MAKE THE DR. PEPPER MUSEUM, DON, WILL THAT CRUSH YOU?

(Don) UM, ONLY IF WE GO TO THE ORANGE CRUSH MUSEUM.

THIS WILL BE CREDITS STUFF?

(Randy) YEAH, THIS WOULD BE THAT PART WHERE SOMETIMES PEOPLE WHO'VE ACTUALLY WATCHED THE WHOLE SHOW AND HAVEN'T YET MANAGED TO GET UP TO TURN IT OFF-- AND WE LOVE YOU PEOPLE THAT DON'T MANAGE TO GET UP AND TURN IT OFF.

DROP US A LINE.

SEND US AN E-MAIL.

(Randy) OR YOU COULD SEND US A NOTE FROM YOUR DOCTOR THAT EXPLAINS WHY YOU PROBABLY AREN'T ABLE TO GET UP AND SWITCH THE CHANNEL AND DO HAVE TO WATCH THESE CREDITS.

(Mike) JUST GET ONE MORE SHOT; JUST GET US A SKYLINE, OKAY?

[Don with British accent] I'M DOING IT.

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