(female announcer) PRODUCTION COSTS FOR RARE VISIONS AND EVELATIONS HAVE BEEN PAID FOR IN PART BY SPRINT, COMMITTED TO THE COMMUNITY, CONNECTING YOU TO THE WORLD.

(man) ♪ WELCOME TO A SHOW ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN SEE ♪ ♪ WITHOUT GOING FAR, AND A LOT OF THEM ARE FREE.

♪ ♪ IF YOU THOUGHT THERE WAS NOTHING ♪ ♪ IN THE OLD HEARTLAND, ♪ ♪ YOU OUGHT TO HIT THE BLACKTOP ♪ ♪ WITH THESE FOOLS IN A VAN.

♪ ♪ LOOK OUT, THEY'RE DRIVING HARD, ♪ ♪ CHECKING OUT ART IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD.

♪ ♪ RANDY DOES THE STEERING SO HE WON'T HURL.

♪ ♪ MIKE'S GOT THE MAP, SUCH A MAN OF THE WORLD.

♪ ♪ THAT'S DON WITH THE CAMERA, ♪ ♪ KIND OF HEAVY ON HIS SHOULDER.

♪ ♪ AND THAT GIANT BALL OF TAPE, IT'S A WORLD RECORD HOLDER.

♪ ♪ LOOK OUT, THEY'RE DRIVING HARD, ♪ ♪ CHECKING OUT ART IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD.

♪ ♪ LOOK OUT, THEY'RE DRIVING HARD, ♪ ♪ CHECKING OUT THE WORLD IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD, ♪ ♪ CHECKING OUT THE WORLD IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD.

♪ ♪ (Randy) WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT DAY THIS IS, BUT IT SURE IS A NICE MORNING.

(Mike) YES, WISCONSIN BECKONS US TODAY.

(Don) DEAR TV MAILBAG, SHOULD I BECKON BACK?

HI, DON THE CAMERA GUY HERE, LURED, I GUESS, BY THE CALL OF A GIANT MUSKIE, A FOUR-STORY FISH.

THOUGH I FEAR SOME OVERZEALOUS TV PRODUCERS ARE ABOUT TO FIND THAT IT'S TOO EARLY ON A SUNDAY MORNING TO ACTUALLY TOUR IT.

I'VE BEEN WANTING TO COME HERE SINCE I WAS KNEE-HIGH TO A MUSKIE.

I THOUGHT THAT WAS A CARP.

NO, THAT'S A MUSKIE.

UH-OH.

OH, NO.

IT'S NOT OPEN.

APPARENTLY, A LITTLE RESEARCH, UH, ERROR AGAIN.

OHHHH.

WE'RE TOO EARLY.

(Don) THEY'RE NOT MESSING AROUND.

(Mike) WE WON'T BE GO ING IN ILLEGALLY.

HERE, I BROUGHT A LITTLE CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST, THOUGH.

YOU'RE GONNA SHARE YOUR-- OH, YOU ARE SO THOUGHTFUL.

WHAT CONTINENT?

[sniffing] I SMELL MUSKIE.

(Don) WELL, I OWE IT ALL TO MUSKIE.

IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR MUSKIE, I'D HAVE BEEN PRESIDENT.

GEEZ, DON, THAT'S A DANG GOOD LINE.

LET'S GO DO SOME LAUNDRY.

OKAY, THAT'S OUR OTHER CHOICE.

YOU THINK WE CAN FIND THE LAUNDROMAT WITHOUT A MAP?

(Don) STARTING THE DAY AND MAKING THAT RESEARCH BLUNDER HAS PUT RANDY IN THE DOGHOUSE ALREADY.

FOLLOW THESE MUFFINS ANYWHERE.

(Don) BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS, THE RUB-A-DUB IS JUST ACROSS THE STREET AND APPEARS MORE THAN ADEQUATE FOR SCRUBBING OUR SKIVVIES.

HO, THERE'S SOMEBODY IN THERE.

HO, THERE'S SOMEBODY IN THERE TOO.

♪ DON'T GO CHANGIN' ♪ ♪ TO TRY AND PLEASE ME.

♪ ♪ WE DON'T HAVE ANY CLEANING SUPPLIES.

DO YOU THINK WE COULD WEASEL SO ME OFF OTHER CUSTOMERS?

(Don) HEY, YOU GOT ANY EXTRA LAUNDRY SOAP?

I DO.

ANOTHER SUPPORTER OF PUBLIC TV RIGHT HERE.

SET IT TO COLD, BRIGHT COLORS.

OH, YOU GOTTA UNBUTTON EVERYTHING.

DON, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO THROW INTO RANDY'S LOAD?

(Don) YEAH, HOLD ON.

HERE, I'M READY TO THROW IN THE TOWEL.

(Mike) NOW, WE CAME TO SEE THE MUSKIE.

(Kathleen) YEP.

IT'S A LONG WAY UP AND A LONG WAY DOWN.

I REMEMBER A COUPLE YEARS AGO, A GUY AND A GIRL GOT MARRIED UP THERE ON THE BALCONY.

(Mike) WHAT'S THE ALLURE OF MUSKIE?

'CAUSE FRANKLY, TO ME, THEY LOOK LIKE BIG UGLY FISH.

IT'S FIGHTING.

IT JUMPS OUT OF THE WATER.

IT JUST GIVES YOU ADRENALINE-- A HIGH.

REALLY?

YEAH, I'M STILL WAITING FOR MY FIRST LEGAL MUSKIE.

(Don) I AM WAITING, I GUESS, ON THE SPIN CYCLE.

WHILE MIKE SHOWS OFF THE KIND OF FOLDING THAT NO DOUBT MAKES HIS MOM PROUD.

NEVER HAVE TO IRON AGAIN.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE RANDY IS.

(Don) WAIT.

WHAT'S THAT OUT THERE?

OH, LOOK.

(Don) I GUESS EVEN BEING THE WORLD'S LARGEST BALL OF VIDEO TAPE WON'T GET YOU OUT OF LAUNDRY DUTY.

BY NOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY SAYING, "WHAT ELSE, BESIDES SOME REAL ATTRACTIONS, ARE YOU GOING TO SHOW US?"

I SUPPOSE THAT DEPENDS ON WHETHER YOU CONSIDER PIE AN ATTRACTION.

THE ORIGINAL NORSKE NOOK IN OSSEO IS CLOSED ON SUNDAYS, BUT NOT THE SEQUEL IN RICE LAKE, WHERE I WATCHED IN WONDER AS RHUBARB AND BOYSENBERRY, COCONUT AND LEMON CREAM FLOATED BY LIKE CUMULI OF CHOLESTEROL.

SOMEHOW AFTER ALL THAT, CARRYING OUT ANOTHER LOCAL FAVORITE, CHEESE CURDS, SEEMED, WELL, ANTICLIMACTIC.

THEY'RE CHEESE TOTS.

THEY'RE LITTLE WACKS OF CHEESE BREADED AND DEEP-FRIED.

(Randy) WELL, I THINK I'D RATHER HAVE POTATERS.

(Don) NO, I'D SAY THE SNACKS PALE IN COMPARISON TO THE SCENERY, LUSH AND GREEN AS WE TRACK THE FOOTSTEPS OF THE MIGHTY MISSISSIPPI.

PERFECT FOR A SUNDAY DRIVE, WHICH, AS YOU SHALL SEE, HELPS EXPLAIN WHY OUR NEXT STOP, THE WEGNER GROTTO NEAR CATARACT, PROVED SO POPULAR WITH TRAVELERS IN DAYS GONE BY.

I WAS NOTICING THIS SAYS "DETROIT, MICHIGAN, EMERY--" (Randy) "E MERY WHEEL."

SEASHELLS.

(Donald) SEASHELLS.

RIGHT, A BIG ONE.

ANOTHER ONE THERE.

I DON'T KNOW THE SIZE OF IT, BUT A SHELL CARTRIDGE.

ANYTHING WAS USED TO FILL SPACE, AND IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THIS WHOLE PROCESS OF BREAKING GLASS INTO THESE SMALL PIECES AND THEN PUT THIS ALL IN WHILE THE CEMENT IS STILL SOFT.

I'M SURE THAT THEY HAD MANY CUT FINGERS.

(Don) DONALD'S GRANDPARENTS, PAUL AND MATILDA WEGNER, WERE AMONG THE MANY IMMIGRANTS WHO SETTLED THIS VALLEY IN THE LATE 1800s.

THEY FARMED AND SOLD SOME OF THE FIRST FORDS AROUND.

BUT AFTER PAUL RETIRED, HE-- LIKE SO MANY OTHER GRASSROOTS OR VISIONARY ARTISTS-- GOT THE URGE TO START CREATING-- WITH WHATEVER HE HAD ON HAND.

(Lisa) IN 1929, THEY WENT WITH THEIR DAUGHTER AND HER HUSBAND TO THE DICKEYVILLE GROTTO-- SURPRISE, SURPRISE-- AND CAME BACK, AND THEY APPARENTLY-- THE QUOTE WAS THAT THEY WERE "TRANSFIXED."

AND THEY STARTED WITH SMALL THINGS, LIKE THE STAR.

(Donald) AND THEN I THINK THEY BUILT THE SHIP, WHICH WAS A REPLICA OF THE BREMEN.

AND I THINK, BASICALLY, YOU KNOW, THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT THEIR LIFE AND THE THINGS WHICH WERE IMPORTANT TO THEM.

(Lisa) PAUL AND MATILDA SELECTED A COLOR SCHEME OF COBALT BLUE, DEEP GREEN, AND WHITE, AND THEY WERE VERY-- THEY USED OTHER COLORS IN OTHER KINDS OF CROCKERY AND THINGS, BUT THEY REALLY STUCK TO THIS PATTERNING, WHICH GIVES THE WHOLE PLACE THIS REALLY BEAUTIFUL, UNIFYING COLOR SCHEME.

(Randy) IT ALMOST LOOKS LIKE THAT WAS A NICE PLACE TO SIT OUT A RAINSTORM OR SOMETHING.

(Donald) WELL, THEY IN FACT WERE PEOPLE WHO ATE THERE AND HAD PICNICS.

AT ONE TIME, HE HAD TABLES JUST INSIDE THIS OPENING, AND THEY WOULD HAVE A PICNIC THERE.

(Lisa) IT WAS AN INTERESTING COMBINATION OF ROADSIDE ATTRACTION, PEACE MONUMENT-- AN EXTREMELY SPIRITUAL PLACE.

THEY BUILT THE LITTLE CHAPEL IN HONOR OF ALL OF THE DENOMINATIONS OF CHRISTIANITY AND JUDAISM.

IT'S UNCOMMON IN WISCONSIN TO FIND A CHAPEL WITH THE STAR OF DAVID OVER THE DOOR.

(Randy) HE WASN'T AFRAID TO MAKE STATEMENTS.

(Donald) NO.

OH, NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

NO, I THINK THE IDEA OF ONE GOD, ONE BROTHERHOOD WAS QUITE, UH-- OH, SHALL WE SAY, "FORWARD" FOR THAT PERIOD.

(Randy) YOU HAVE, YOU SAY, BE EN HERE A FEW TIMES BEFORE.

OH, YES.

OH, YEAH.

WHAT'S THE DRAW?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

JUST THE ODDITY OF IT, AND YOU THINK ABOUT AN OLD GERMAN COUPLE THAT CAME OVER HERE, AND THEY APPRECIATED THIS COUNTRY, I THINK, VERY MUCH.

AND I THINK EVERY NATIONALITY MAYBE WANTS TO LEAVE A LITTLE SOMETHING OF THEIR HERITAGE, YOU KNOW, WHERE THEY CAME FROM AND WHAT THEY WERE ALL ABOUT.

(Don) THE WEGNER HOME IS LONG GONE NOW, BUT ONCE AGAIN, THANKS TO THE KOHLER FOUNDATION, MODERN MOTORISTS CAN AND DO STOP AND TAKE A LOAD OFF.

IN FACT, IF YOU WANDER JUST A FEW HUNDRED YARDS DOWN, YOU CAN SEE HOW PAUL AND MATILDA CARRIED THEIR LOVE OF CONCRETE AND BROKEN GLASS ALL THE WAY TO ETERNITY.

THE END OF THE LINE FOR US, AT LEAST FOR TODAY, APPEARS TO BE SPARTA-- NOT THE FAMED CITY-STATE, BUT THE SMALL TOWN NEARBY KNOWN TO SOME AS WORLD HEADQUARTERS OF THE FAST SIGN CORPORATION, WHERE GIANT FIBERGLASS FIGURES ARE SPAWNED AND APPARENTLY COME TO DIE.

(Mike) IF YOU GOT A DUMB BIG PLASTIC THING, IT PROBABLY CAME FROM HERE, (Don) LET'S JUST SAY, I EXPECT SOME VERY COLORFUL DREAMS.

[Randy laughing] AH, GEEZ.

[cow moos] [tires screeching] [Don yawns] HEY, MORNING, LITTLE BUDDY.

WHAT DID YOU DO?

OH, POTATO CHIPS AND COFFEE.

DID YOU GO SWIMMING LAST NIGHT, OR WERE YOU OUT IN THE RIVER THERE?

THAT'S RIGHT, WE HAVE A RIVER VIEW.

WE DON'T USUALLY TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.

WE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO SEE THAT LAST N WE DON'T USUALLY STAY IN SWANK PLACES LIKE RIVER-- LIKE RIVER VIEW?

WHAT?

(Don) DEFINITELY NOT THE PRESIDENTIAL SUITE, BUT I AM REMINDED THAT WE SHOULD CHECK OUR FLUIDS-- WHICH, IF YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING OUR PROGRESS, YOU KNOW INVOLVES A HOOD-MOUNTED CORN DOG IN ADVANCING STATES OF DECOMPOSITION.

MEANING, IF YOU'RE SQUEAMISH, YOU SHOULD LOOK AWAY NOW.

OH, MAN, IS THAT-- (Don) ANYWAY, THIS IS LaCROSSE-- NOT JUST A SPORT, BUT A PRETTY LITTLE TOWN ON THE RIVER.

(Mike) OH, FEELING CHIPPER THIS MORNING!

(Don) FAMOUS FOR A WORLD'S LARGEST WE'RE PASSING UNDER NOW AND AM TOLD WE'LL COME BACK TO LATER-- AFTER WE CHECK IN WITH ONE PAUL HEFTI.

(Mike) THIS IS A NICE NEIGHBORHOOD.

(Don) PAUL LIVES NEARBY, AND AS YOU CAN BEGIN TO SEE, HIS ONGOING AFFAIRE D'ART MIGHT BE DESCRIBED AS A BEVERAGE BOTTLE BONANZA.

THIS IS A BOTTLE TREE.

AND THIS IS A 12-OUNCE, THE OLD TYPE.

THIS IS A 12-OUNCE, THE NEW TYPE, THE ROSEBUD.

THIS IS A REGULAR MERRY-GO-ROUND.

THESE ARE MY FLOWERS.

I GOT 'EM GROWIN' AND THIS IS OLD STYLE LAGER KNOWN THE WORLD OVER.

AND THAT GOES WITH THE WIND, AND IT ALSO GOES WHEN IT RAINS.

FIRST I WORKED AT HEILEMAN'S WHEN I WENT COLLEGE-- HEILEMAN'S BREWERY.

AND THEN I WORKED AT THE LaCROSSE PAPER AND BOX COMPANY FOR 45 YEARS.

THEN I GOT SMART AND DONE THIS STUFF.

(Randy) WHAT FIRST GOT YOU GOING?

(Paul) WELL, I PUT UP ONE, AND A FELLA COME ALONG, AND HE SAID, "GEE, THAT'S LOOKS NICE."

SO I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "DOGGONE, I'LL PUT UP ANOTHER ONE JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT."

AND I'VE BEEN PUTTING UP, SUBTRACTING, DIVIDING, MULTIPLYING-- SHOOT, NOW I NEED A COMPUTER.

THIS IS A IRISH SPINNER.

WHERE IN THE HECK ARE YA?

GET OVER HERE.

I THINK YOU CAN SEE BETTER.

(Randy) OH , SORRY.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S A IRISH SPINNER, SEE?

NOW, HERE'S ANOTHER SPINNER.

DOES THAT MAKE YOU DIZZY?

NOPE.

YOU OUGHT TO SEE WHEN THE WIND BLOWS.

BOY, THAT REALLY LOOKS NICE.

FIRST I DRINK THE POP, THEN I WASH THE BOTTLE GOOD, TAKE OFF THE LABEL, AND PAINT 'EM.

(Randy) DO YOU PAINT ALL THE TIME?

NO, I EAT SOME OF THE TIME.

I DON'T PAINT ALL THE TIME.

WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, AN OLD-TIMER?

(Don) WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR BOTTLES?

RIGHT HERE.

YOU TURN THE FAUCET ON, THEY COME OUT.

FIVE AT A TIME.

DID YOU EVER SEE A CRY BABY?

(Don) I'M RIDING WITH TWO OF 'EM.

DID YOU EVER HEAR THE BELLS OF ST. MARY'S?

[clanging] [creaking] DOES THAT SOUND SPOOKY?

A LOT OF FOLKS COME BY AND VISIT AND SEE THE PLACE?

(Paul) OH, YEAH, I GOT MY GUESTBOOK THERE.

I GOT 'EM FROM SWITZERLAND, GERMANY, FRANCE, POLAND, BANGLADESH.

YOU KNOW, A LOT OF THINGS PEOPLE SAY, "WELL, YOU GOT ANYTHING DIFFERENT?

THEN YOU GOTTA PUT SOMETHING ELSE UP, SEE.

(Randy) YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

IF YOU LIKE IT, YOU CAN KEEP IT THE WAY YOU WANT IT.

(Paul) YEAH, BUT THEN PEOPLE COME AND SEE IT ONCE OR TWICE-- THEY SAY, "WELL, HECK, THAT'S OLD."

YOU GOTTA HAVE SOMETHING DIFFERENT, YOU KNOW-- SOMETHING NEW ALL THE TIME.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT?

(Mike) OH , I LOVE THAT.

THEY'RE ALL IN.

AND THIS IS A STRAWBERRY GRAPE SPINNER.

STRAWBERRY GRAPE, SEE.

AND THIS IS A REGULAR FERRIS WHEEL.

AND THIS IS A REGULAR GERANIUM.

NOW, THIS IS AN ORANGE BLOSSOM.

[rattling] HEAR THE SEEDS IN THERE?

(Mike) PA UL, DOES SOMEONE GIVE YOU ID EAS FOR THESE THINGS, OR DO YOU COME UP WITH AL L YOUR OWN IDEAS?

I JUST COME UP WITH 'EM.

THINK 'EM UP, YOU KNOW.

(Mike) SOME DAYS BETTER THAN OTHER DAYS FOR THINKING UP THINGS?

WELL, THAT ALL DEPENDS.

IF IT'S A CLOUDY DAY, IT'S HARD TO THINK OF GOOD STUFF.

NOW, LIKE TODAY, LOOK IT, THERE AIN'T A CLOUD IN THE SKY.

(Mike) WE LL, SO ON A DAY LIKE TODAY, YOU'LL THINK UP MAYBE A COUPLE GOOD THINGS.

WELL, I GOT THREE GOOD THINGS HERE NOW.

SEE THIS ONE?

(Don) NOW, MAYBE PAUL IS GIVING US A HINT HERE, AND CONGENIAL AS HE'S BEEN, MAYBE WE OUGHT TO TAKE IT.

(Mike) THAT'S A NEW SPIN ON IT.

blaaaat!

(Don) ESPECIALLY SINCE ALL THIS TALK ABOUT LIQUID REMINDS ME OF THAT PROMISE THAT WAS MADE, AND WE'RE PRACTICALLY IN THE SHADOW OF IT ANYWAY.

BOY, THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

THIS IS IT.

(Randy) DO N!

DO N!

"BREWERY TOURS."

OH, THIS IS GONNA BE SO GOOD.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

WE GOTTA GO.

NO, NO, NO.

BREWERY TOUR.

NO, NO.

WE GOT A GROTTO TO SEE.

A GROTTO--YOU KNOW, ROCKS, GOOD STUFF.

(Don) NOW, THAT IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE.

YOU BASTARDS!

(Don) BUT I FIGURE, IF I'VE GOT A GROTTO TO GO, AT LEAST I LIKE THE LOOKS OF THIS ONE.

NICE AND COMPACT, NO STAIRS, AND IT'S CONVENIENTLY LABELED.

I GUESS THE DEAL IS THAT PAUL DOBBERSTEIN, THAT PRIEST IN IOWA WHO BUILT THE GRANDDADDY OF GROTTOS IN WEST BEND, COULDN'T STOP THERE.

THIS IS ONE OF HIS SO-CALLED SATELLITES, SITTING ON THE GROUNDS OF THIS CONVENT JUST OFF THE HIGHWAY EAST OF LaCROSSE.

THIS ONE WAS STARTED IN 1925 AND WAS COMPLETED IN 1930.

THERE ARE THREE SMALLER SHRINES WITHIN THE LARGER SHRINE.

THE ONE HERE TO THE LEFT IS ST. TERESA, THE LITTLE FLOWER.

THE ONE ON TOP IS ST. MICHAEL, THE ARCHANGEL.

AND THE ONE TO THE RIGHT IS ST. BARBARA.

MOST OF THE MATERIAL HERE WAS GOTTEN FROM THE ROCKS AROUND HERE; ALTHOUGH, I THINK FATHER DOBBERSTEIN TRAVELED AND DID GET NICER PIECES.

AS A YOUNG SISTER, WE USED TO SEE FATHER DOBBERSTEIN WORK AT GROTTOES IN LaCROSSE AT ST. ROSE CONVENT, SO WE DID SEE HIM IN ACTION.

(Mike) WHAT WAS HE LIKE?

(Helen) OH, A VERY OLD MAN.

I THINK THIS BLUE IN HERE IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

YOU KNOW, THE BLUE COLOR IN HERE.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'D FIND THAT TYPE OF ROCK.

SEE, TO ME, NOW, ALL OF THAT ARCH THERE WOULD BE FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE.

I MEAN, WE WOULDN'T HAVE THAT KIND STONE OUT HERE ANYWHERE.

(Randy) SO WHAT IS THIS AGAIN?

WE PUT HOLY WATER, BLESSED WATER, AND PEOPLE DIP THEIR FINGER IN AND BLESS THEMSELVES WITH THE SIGN OF THE CROSS.

(Randy) SO YOU GOT AN OVERALL STORY HERE?

(Mike) JUST A BIG STORY, I GUESS.

(Helen) YES.

(Randy) I LOVE THE DESIGNS IN HERE.

AND THESE ALMOST SEEM LIKE LITTLE ANIMALS WITH THEIR HORNS ON.

(Helen) RIGHT.

(Randy) I GUESS IT COULD BE WHATEVER YOU SEE IT AS BEING.

DO A LOT OF PEOPLE STOP BY?

(Helen) WELL, IT'S AMAZING HOW MANY STOP BY.

WE HAVE THIS LITTLE MITE BOX, OR THIS POOR BOX, OVER HERE.

I USED TO EMPTY IT, LIKE, TWICE A YEAR.

AND EVERY TIME, IT WOULD BE ABOUT $60, $70, WHICH MEANS A LOT OF PEOPLE DO STOP.

WE DON'T SEE THEM, BUT THEY EVIDENTLY DO.

ONE TIME, I FOUND A $100 BILL IN THERE.

SO SOMEBODY MUST HAVE BEEN IMPRESSED.

(Don) NOW, IS IT MY IMAGINATION, OR ARE THOSE TWO PRODUCERS ACTING MORE LIKE ALTAR BOYS THAN I'VE EVER SEEN BEFORE?

PERHAPS THEY'RE STARTING TO REALIZE NOW WE SHOULD HAVE DONE THE BIG SIX-PACK.

BUT I SUPPOSE WE HAVE MILKED WISCONSIN FOR ABOUT ALL WE CAN, WHICH MEANS IT'S OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE FIELDS TO MINNESOTA WE GO.

IT IS AN OKAY STATE WHERE, FOR ONE THING, JUDY ONOFRIO MAKES INCREDIBLE STUFF OVER IN ROCHESTER.

BUT WHEN IT COMES TO THAT BIG BALL OF TWINE, WHICH IS HARDLY BIGGER THAN THE ONE IN KANSAS--IF AT ALL-- THEY'RE KIND OF SNOTTY, SO WE'VE DECIDED TO STOP JUST ONCE-- TO WATER THE NIBLETS AND THROW A LITTLE OPEN-FIELD CATCH.

WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THAT, A TOGA HE'S WEARING?

(Don) OF COURSE, IN BLUE EARTH, IT'S EASY TO SEE WHO'S GOT THE HO-HO-HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE.

[grunts] I THINK, YOU KNOW, MAYBE ONE THROUGH THE ARM.

COMING AT YA.

[train whistle in distance] POY-FECT.

BEAUTY-FUL.

(Don) NO, THAT IS GOING TO BE IT FOR MINNESOTA.

WE'RE DRIVING THROUGH, PASSING BY, FLYING OVER, AND MOVING RIGHT ON INTO SOUTH DAKOTA, GETTING DOWNRIGHT GIDDY AS THOSE INTERSTATE MILES GO WHIZZING BY.

SORRY ABOUT THE CHORAL WORK.

(Randy and Mike) ♪ YOU OUGHT TO HIT THE BLACKTOP WITH THESE FOOLS IN A VAN.

♪ ♪ LOOK OUT, THEY'RE DRIVING HARD.

♪ ♪ CHECKING OUT ART IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD.

♪ ♪ LOOK OUT, THEY'RE DRIVING HARD.

♪ ♪ [tires screeching and horse neighing] (Don) NOW, SPEAKING GEOGRAPHICALLY, THERE IS, EVEN WITHIN OUR OWN PARTY, SOME CONFUSION ABOUT SIOUX CITY-- WHICH IS ACTUALLY IN IOWA-- AND SIOUX FALLS.

THOUGH WHEN YOU'RE STANDING HERE, IT'S CONSIDERABLY EASIER TO KEEP 'EM STRAIGHT.

SO LIKE WHEN YOU SHOWED ME HOW TO WASH THE CAR, RIGHT?

YEAH.

WORK YOUR WAY DOWN.

WORK YOUR WAY DOWN JUST LIKE THAT.

WATER RUNS DOWNHILL.

(Don) APPARENTLY, AT ONE TIME, THIS TOWN WAS KNOWN AS "THE RENO OF THE PLAINS"-- A FAVORITE SPOT FOR GETTING UNHITCHED QUICKLY AND TOASTED APPROPRIATELY AFTERWARDS.

IT'S ALSO GOT AN INCREDIBLY LARGE NUMBER OF LOTS LIKE THIS, WHICH MOSTLY SERVES TO REMIND ME JUST HOW CRAMPED OUR CHRYSLER REALLY IS.

AS WE HEAD TOWARDS YET ANOTHER SITE, SOMEONE SUGGESTED WE SHOULD SEE SOME NIFTY LITTLE ROCKWORK IN THIS PEACEFUL LITTLE PARK, THOUGH THEY'RE PRETTY PARTICULAR ABOUT HOW YOU GO ABOUT SEEING IT.

SO LET'S SEE.

OKAY, SO THERE'S WYOMING, COLORADO, MONTANA, IDAHO.

IT'S ALL THE STATES REPRESENTED IN ROCK.

WASHINGTON, OREGON, NEVADA, CALIFORNIA.

YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF A TOUCHING EXPERIENCE.

TOUCHY-FEELY?

TOUCHY-FEELY, YEAH.

AND THIS SHOW'S KNOWN FOR ITS TOUCHY-FEELY QUALITIES.

THERE'S A LOT OF LOVE.

WHAT KIND OF STONE WOULD THAT BE, MIKE?

UM, THAT'S THE FAMED CORAL BRAIN STONE.

WOW, I WANT TO GO TO VIRGINIA IF THEY'VE GOT STONE LIKE THIS.

LET'S SEE.

MINNESOTA, IOWA.

ONE OF THESE TWO IS PROBABLY MISSOURI.

(Randy) SO THESE ARE THE PILLARS OF THE NATION.

I THOUGHT WE WERE PRETTY MUCH THE PILLARS OF THE NATION-- WE, THE PEOPLE.

(Mike) ONCE AGAIN, WE FIND OUT HOW SMALL WE REALLY ARE IN THIS WORLD.

LET'S GO LOOK AT THAT WINNEBAGO.

GOOD MORNING, GENTLEMEN.

(Randy) HEY, GOOD MORNING.

HEY.

A NICE HOOD ORNAMENT.

THINK SO?

THAT PROBABLY WOULD TRANSFER MAYBE TO AN R.V.

WOW, THAT'S JUST WHAT WE WERE THINKING--AN R.V.

OF SOME KIND.

YOU CAN SEE US IN THIS?

I CAN SEE YOU IN THIS ONE HERE.

OOH, LOOK A THAT: EXTRA STORAGE, RIGHT HERE, ACCESSIBLE.

(Don) THIS IS FAR TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, SO I SUSPECT EITHER SOMEONE HAS SLIPPED SOMETHING IN MY MORNING THUNDER OR I'M HAVING ONE OF THOSE PROVERBIAL TV DREAM SEQUENCES.

OH, BOY.

OH, BOY.

OH, BOY.

WELL, OKAY, SO WHAT IF WE CAN'T QUITE GO 200 K?

WELL, I'LL TAKE YOU DOWN TO A SMALLER ONE.

LET'S GO WAY DOWN TO THE END OF THE LOT.

OH, THAT'S--THAT'S-- SUN SPORT.

THAT'S NICE.

WINNEBAGO.

HERE YOU GO, GUYS.

HEY.

THAT'LL GIVE YOU A LITTLE MORE ROOM THAN YOUR VAN.

YOU CAN STAND UP IN THIS ONE.

(Don) I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE, AND IT HAS LEG ROOM.

TOO BAD THAT EVEN IN A DREAM, THEY WON'T TAKE CREDIT CARDS.

(Randy) YOU TAKE A CHECK?

(Don) OH, WELL, OUR FINAL FRONTIER IS HARDLY MORE THAN AN HOUR AWAY NOW, DOWN THE ROAD IN MITCHELL-- A PLACE OF LEGEND, WHERE THE VERY CROPS THAT SPRING SO BOUNTIFULLY FROM THE EARTH ARE WOVEN INTO WALLPAPER, AND VISITORS TO THE WORLD'S ONLY CORN PALACE FLOCK FROM NEAR AND FAR TO ENJOY ITS ONE-OF-A-KIND NATURE.

WELCOME TO THE WORLD'S ONLY CORN PALACE.

THIS IS OUR FIRST ONE.

IT WAS BUILT IN 1892, LOCATED TWO BLOCKS SOUTH OF HERE.

IT WAS BUILT BY TWO LOCAL BUSINESSMEN, AND THEY BUILT IT BECAUSE IN 1892, THE REST OF THE COUNTRY DIDN'T BELIEVE THAT SOUTH DAKOTA COULD PRODUCE GOOD AGRICULTURE.

MMM.

WE PROVED 'EM WRONG, BUT THEY STILL DIDN'T BELIEVE US, SO WE PUT OUR CORN ON A BUILDING.

THAT'S DELICIOUS CORN.

AND WE CALLED IT "THE CORN PALACE."

AND I'M NOT JUST A LYIN' TV WEASEL.

THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN IN THE YEAR 1902, AND WE POINT IT OUT SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE IT WAS SAID TO BE THE MOST COLORFUL AND IMPRESSIVE CORN PALACE EVER.

THIS IS OUR 1920s CORN PALACE.

THE PICTURE WAS TAKEN IN 1927.

LINING THIS WHOLE WALL IS JUST PAST DECORATIONS.

WE HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS ONE, BECAUSE OF THE SYMBOL IN THE CENTER.

IT LOOKS LIKE THE NAZI SWASTIKA, BUT IT'S NOT.

THE SWASTIKA IS JUST A BACKWARDS VERSION OF THAT.

BUT THIS IS AN INDIAN SYMBOL, AND IT MEANS GOOD LUCK.

OVER THE WINTER, I JUST PLAY AROUND ON PAPER, DECIDE WHAT I'M GONNA DO-- PUT UP.

AND A LOT OF TIMES, IT DON'T WORK, YOU KNOW, AND CHANGE IT.

(Kim) THEY TAKE THE EAR OF CORN, AND THEY CUT IT IN HALF LENGTHWISE.

IF YOU CAN IMAGINE, THEY JUST CHOP IT IN THE CENTER.

AND THEN THEY NAIL THE FLAT SIDE TO THE BUILDING.

WE START ABOUT JUNE 5, AND WE GO TILL ABOUT OCTOBER 15, 6, 7 DAYS A WEEK.

(Kim) THEY ESTIMATE THAT EVERY YEAR--THIS IS AMAZING-- IT TAKES US ABOUT 275,000 EARS OF CORN.

IT TAKES US 300,000 POUNDS OF GRAIN, A TON OF NAILS, AND IT WILL COST US ABOUT $75,000 TO REDO THE OUTSIDE EVERY YEAR.

(Degen) WE GET A LOT OF SQUIRRELS AND BIRDS THAT EAT THE CORN.

(Don) YOU GET A LOT OF FLYING SQUIRRELS?

(Degen) USUALLY WHEN I DO, TOURISTS BRING 'EM IN FROM OUT OF STATE.

(Don) WE DIDN'T BRING ANY.

[laughs] THERE'S A COUPLE RIGHT THERE.

(Mike) OH !

I THINK HE'S TALKING ABOUT US, RANDY.

NO ONE IS SACRIFICED AT THE CORN FESTIVAL, ARE THEY?

(Kim) NO.

NO, THERE IS NO SACRIFICES AT ALL.

WE DO HAVE CONCERTS, THOUGH, IN THE CORN PALACE EVERY EVENING.

WE HAVE--THIS YEAR WE HAVE THE COUNTRY GROUP BLACKHAWK COMING.

AND WE HAVE THE VILLAGE PEOPLE, SO THEY'LL BE DOING THE YMCA INSIDE THE-- (Mike) CAN YOU DO THAT FOR US?

THEY'LL BE DOING THE ♪ Y-- ♪ WHAT WAY DOES "C" GO?

♪ C-O-R-N ♪ ♪ (Kim) OH , THE "Rs" AR E A LITTLE HARD.

I REALLY WOKE UP LATE THIS MORNING.

(Randy) SO DID WE.

(Dale) IT IS AMAZING THE WAY IT'S DONE AND THE WAY THAT-- EVERY YEAR, THAT WE REDO IT AND SPEND THE MONEY TO REDO IT.

IT ISN'T AS BIG AS MT.

RUSHMORE, BUT HOPEFULLY SOME DAY, WE CAN PROMOTE IT ENOUGH TO GET IT THERE.

DID YOU SEE THE CORN PALACE HALL OF FAME OVER HERE?

CHECK IT OUT.

PAT PAULSEN.

SOME OF THE BETTER SUMMERS HAVE BEEN ABOUT A HALF A MILLION PEOPLE--500,000.

(Randy) IN A TOWN OF?

(Dale) OF 12,500.

(Mike) WE MATCH YOUR YELLOW-GREEN KIND OF MOTIF.

OH, YOU MATCH.

YOU BELONG TO THE CORN PALACE.

YOU WERE MEANT TO COME HERE TODAY.

WE FEEL ONE WITH THE CORN PALACE.

GOOD.

[laughs] THIS IS OUR CIVIC CENTER.

(Mike) DO YOU SHOOT CORN BALLS?

(Kim) NO, ACTUALLY BASKETBALLS.

IN FACT, OUR SCHOOL MASCOT'S THE KERNEL.

(Mike) THE KERNEL?

YEAH, WE'RE THE KERNELS.

THERE'S A BIG CORN COB THING WITH A PAPIER-MACHE HEAD.

♪ C-O-R-N ♪ ♪ THIS IS THE BASKETBALL COURT, BUT FOR MEMORIAL DAY UNTIL LABOR DAY, WE SET IT UP AS A GIFT SHOP FOR TOURISM SEASON.

AND THEN, OVER THERE, THERE'S STATE FLAGS THAT PEOPLE GO, AND THEY SIGN IN UNDERNEATH WHEN THEY COME AND VISIT.

(Mike) I GOTTA GET OUT MY CHEAT SHEET TO REMEMBER HOW TO SPELL MY NAME.

MY NAME'S ROCKY.

NICE TO MEET YA.

I'VE GOT AN EYE FOR PLACES LIKE THIS--HUH.

[groaning] [slurping] CAREFUL, IT'S A SNAKE.

OH, THAT'S NICE.

OH, YEAH, YOU GOTTA LIKE THAT.

I LIKE THAT.

(Randy) THAT'S VERY NICE.

AND IT'S MY SIZE.

HEY, BETWEEN US, YOU TWO COULD BUY ONE, AND I COULD GET IT FREE.

OKAY.

WHAT A GOOD IDEA.

(Don) SPOKEN LIKE A WEASEL.

(Randy) WE COULD SPEND ALL THE STATION'S FOOD MONEY.

(Don) THEY ALSO CALL THIS THE WORLD'S LARGEST BIRD FEEDER.

AND ON THE FLOOR-- I'M TELLING YOU, FRIENDS-- IT WAS A FEEDING FRENZY.

HEY, IS THAT CORN IN YOUR TEETH?

(Don) NOW, I HAVE BEEN KNOWN AT TIMES TO SQUAWK ABOUT THE WORKLOAD, BUT THE TRUTH IS, I'VE MET SO MANY NICE PEOPLE AND SEEN SO MANY AMAZING SIGHTS, PLUS RANDY AND MIKE REALLY AREN'T THAT BAD.

AT LEAST, THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS IN MY SCRIPT.

SO UNTIL NEXT TIME, IF THERE IS ONE, THIS IS DON THE CAMERA GUY SIGNING OFF.

SO WHAT'D YOU GET?

SOME REALLY GREAT SOUVENIRS.

A REFRIGERATOR MAGNET.

SNOW SCENE.

T-SHIRT.

NOW IT'S NOT JUST SNOWING IN DICKEYVILLE; IT'S SNOWING AT THE CORN PALACE TOO.

I AM SATISFIED.

THE BALL IS HAPPY.

LIFE IS GOOD.

YOU KNOW, HOW MUCH YOU SPEND?

IN THE 30s.

30?

AROUND 32?

YEAH.

MIKEY?

52.

52.

49.75 FOR ME.

WHOA, MAN, WHAT'S THE GRAND TOTAL THERE, MR.

BASIC MATH.

LET'S SAY 105 TO ROUND IT 105.

NO, THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, I FEEL PRETTY SATISFIED, EXCEPT ONE THING.

WHAT'S THAT?

WHERE ARE WE?

MITCHELL, SOUTH DAKOTA, AT THE CORN PALACE.

CORN PALACE.

GREAT PLACE.

I THINK IT'S TIME.

OH, YEAH.

IT'LL BE OKAY NOW.

OH, YEAH.

THAT IS THE GNARLIEST, GN ARLIEST LOOKING CORN DOG...

I'VE EVER SEEN.

JUST DON'T SEEM RIGHT TO GO ON WITH IT.

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