(upbeat music) - Coming up on Inspire, happy holidays.

On today's show, we've got all five of our Inspire hosts together to talk about our own holiday traditions.

And we'll talk to therapist, Valerie Peckham about managing expectations over the holidays.

Inspire is sponsored by Kansas Furniture Mart, using furniture to inspire conversation.

And by the Blanche Bryden Foundation.

(bright music) Hello and welcome to Inspire.

And happy holidays to you.

And to our wonderful co-hosts here.

We have Danielle Norwood.

We have Leslie Fleuranges.

Amy, you know, you love Amy Kelly.

And of course, Amber Dickinson.

So tonight we're going to reminisce a little.

Talk about what holidays we celebrate and our own family traditions.

Later we'll visit with psychotherapist, Valerie Peckham about managing our expectations over the holidays.

- Also we're going to help you with your holiday baking and decorating.

But first we're going to talk about our own holiday traditions.

Who wants to go first.

- I'm going first.

(all laughing) So my favorite thing, and this is probably why I'm such a last minute person.

Christmas Eve was about cleaning the house.

My mother was hanging the drapes.

We were making room in the living room for the Christmas tree.

And then my father would finally get the signal from my mother that it was okay to go get the Christmas tree.

And of course, it's Christmas Eve now and all.

It never dawned on me until now.

The reason why we went Christmas Eve is because the trees were cheaper then.

- Oh.

(laughing) - But it was a tradition, right?

So I'm gonna keep it with that.

And my dad would let me sit into the shopping cart and we would roll down the street, down to the spot where the guy was selling Christmas trees.

I'd get out of the car.

Me and my sister.

And if my brother was alive at that point, 'cause he was younger.

We would go and we would look at all the trees.

Of course, now there's about 10 trees left.

(all laughing) Charlie Brown tree.

(all laughing) We would pick out a tree.

My father would negotiate.

That was the other tradition.

- Oh, wow.

That's good.

- And then, you know, the tree would go in the shopping cart.

We'd get back home.

My mother had the drapes already set.

She had the mugs out with the cocoa and then we would decorate the tree, go to bed.

And the next morning, voila.

- Santa had been there.

- Santa had been there.

(all laughing) - Oh, that's wonderful.

Where did you grow up?

- In Queens, New York.

- Oh, wow, that's wonderful.

- In the city, yeah.

- Well, let me go off of your story 'cause my dad, we all actually made up a song.

There was a Statler Brothers song that we kind of went after.

And it was Christmas to me is, I'm not gonna sing it, 'cause you guys, you don't want that.

(all laughing) We would say, Christmas to me is a $35 tree.

They burned my gas.

I froze my... - Wow!

- That's what Christmas means to me.

(all laughing) Now, my dad was pretty funny.

I mean, you know.

He was, so, but when we'd find the tree, we'd go out to the tree farm and we would all circle, we'd look and look, and look.

And when we found the tree, we would circle around it and do like from, you know, ♪ Waa Hoo Christmas ♪ ♪ Waa Hoo... ♪ - Aww, that's nice.

- And then we sawed it down and took it home.

And oh gosh, it smelled so good.

But then we'd sing that song on the way home.

So, you know, very fun.

Amy.

- Oh, I'm very fortunate because I had as a kid growing up, the best Christmases.

And there's me and my two older brothers and a younger sister, and we would go down to Wichita to my grandma's house.

And so we would go there and we would be all dressed up.

There'd be food all over the table and we would just eat and have fun.

And then it would get dark, and that was the sign that we would go out, and we would walk two blocks down to Grace Presbyterian Church, where they had the luminaria out.

And we would look at the luminaria.

We knew that because that meant Santa was coming.

Because Santa knew to grandma's house, when we were down walking to church.

We get back to grandma's house, and the front room is where the adults had their Christmas, but the back room and the family room that they added on, it's like 1940 house, which where the kids was and we'd walk up and it would just be filled with presents.

I mean, it was like score.

And we'd jump in and paper flying.

It was fantastic.

Then that would be done.

The adults would then go do their Christmas in the front room.

And when that settled down and it was all kind of quiet, we would put on big band music and we would all dance.

- Aww.

- I would have loved that.

My dad loved big band music.

- Me too.

- Yeah, it was the best.

It was the best.

I was so fortunate.

Of course we don't do any of those things now.

Not a one.

But as a kid growing up, it was, I was very fortunate.

It was the best.

- Okay, well, I guess I'll share my little story.

I had very low key Christmases compared to everybody.

But the one that actually, I guess propelled me into my future, I was four years old and the local radio station came to the daycare center that was like not too far down the street.

And they would have somebody that would come in with a microphone and ask all the little kids questions.

It's like, so what do you think that Santa Claus is gonna bring you for Christmas?

And I knew it was what old people say.

I said, a sewing machine.

(all laughing) I can't sew to this day, but that's what I knew about was my granny always sewed.

And so then Ken Jennison, bless his soul, he's still with us.

He's like, what do you think that Santa Claus eats for Christmas?

I said macaroni and cheese.

(all laughing) And so I carry that because that was the first time I was ever on the air.

And now fast forward that, - Bringing out your first... - Hello.

To now I'm 49 and who knew that that was gonna be my life.

And we talk about Christmas traditions now.

I actually leave my tree up 365.

- Do you really?

- I do.

- But would you say that that's fun.

- Like decorated?

- Decorated, yes.

Because to me, you know, some of the prettiest times we'll ever experience are during the Christmas season.

Why do we have to let that go?

And so in the master bedroom, every night, it comes on at 6:45 and it goes off at 2:45 in the morning.

- Wow.

- And it's a seven and a half foot tree.

And it's just absolutely gorgeous.

It's fully decorated.

And Michael has gotten used to it now.

At first he was like, is this like a temporary thing?

I'm like, no.

But it just brings me such joy.

I could see it from the street and it just makes me feel warm and good.

- I love that.

I wanna tag onto your story about when you guys went down to see the luminaries.

We used to go, and my grandmother lived with us.

My dad's mom.

But she would always, something would happen.

Well, she's got to finish the dinner or maybe she had a headache or something, when dad and mom would take us all out to see the lights.

And when we'd come home from seeing lights every year, we just missed Santa.

I mean, we just missed him.

(all laughing) You know, he came every year, while we were looking at Christmas lights.

So, but you know, my grandma's sewed for us.

And we have a little picture of my sister and I, we were both born in California.

So we were at Macy's and in Oakland, California.

And so I'm the one sitting down and she's the one standing up.

I was six and she was eight.

And we just had the best Christmases.

And my grandma sewed, all of our clothes, made us toys.

She was fabulous.

And I miss her every Christmas.

(bouncy piano music) - Well, we've gone from twisted Christmas to great Christmases and great displays, but you know what?

We're going to take a short break, but we're gonna be back in a few moments.

So don't go away.

(upbeat music) - It's time to decorate.

And Cheryl Clark with Dare to Dream Events, has not only decorated our set, but she is going to show us all how to create this fabulous runner.

I mean, it could be a table runner.

What else could it be Cheryl?

- You can put it on your staircase.

You can put it on your office desk.

You can put it over your front door, your mantle.

You can use it anywhere you want for the holidays.

- And I love it as a table runner right here.

I noticed you haven't done traditional red and green.

- No.

We went with pink, a soft pink and a champagne gold.

For the ladies this year, do something different.

- Okay, so now this looks like a very long, you can do any length, but how do you get the length?

- This is actually two garlands that we've secured together to make it fuller, or you can attach another garland on the end to make it longer, as you need to.

- Lights are so important.

They add so much.

When do you add the lights?

- We add the lights first.

And then we add the ribbon.

And we've secured everything with just the garland.

Since this is white, we didn't want to use floral wire.

You can either use the garland itself, or you can use fishing line, that's clear.

That it wouldn't be showing.

- And now it, could regular ribbon, or this feels a little.

- This has wire in it.

- Okay.

- This one does.

You can use regular ribbon, but the wired ribbon will stand up better and it's easier to work with.

- Gives you more dimension (indistinct) Okay now, we have to show another way to attach, which you think this is just something that you would hang on your tree, but what do you do with it?

- I just attach it to the garland over here.

Just take it, wrap it around, and then just bend your garland back.

And it's secure.

Unless you're putting it on your staircase, then you wanna just, you can just use it that way.

And then you don't have to really secure it if you're just laying it on a flat surface.

- Okay, and as we learned at the Thanksgiving wreath, we have these gorgeous picks and we always need a lot of bling.

- A lot of bling.

If it's not blinging, we don't want it.

You just stick it in here.

- You kind of try to get it around a light so that the light does shine even more.

- Exactly.

- Oh, perfect.

- And you can just push your light right in here.

- And then this, look at this.

This is gorgeous.

- This is my favorite, the pink poinsettia.

And so when you go in here, you'll just secure it in here as well.

Same process, bend it back and then just secure it from the back.

Can you do your kind of flouncing then, - That's right.

- kind of overall?

- Flounce it.

- Something unusual is this flower.

- This one, I love this.

This is a clip.

And you can put this anywhere on the reef as well.

- Love it.

- Just clip it in, attach it.

- Oh, that is perfect.

- And you're good.

- Look at this.

And there's nothing like coming into a room and maybe it's dark all except for the runner or however you want to use this.

So I tell you what, Cheryl is decorating your home, your office, whatever you need.

Thank you so much for being with us.

- Thank you for having me again.

- I tell you the sparkle, the bling, make it yours.

(upbeat music) - We're now joined by psychotherapist.

Valerie Peckham.

Valerie has a private practice in Lawrence and also teaches as an adjunct instructor of psychology at Washburn University here in Topeka.

Welcome to Inspire Valerie.

- Thank you for having me.

- So the holidays can be a difficult time for a lot of us.

Some of us have lost loved ones, and sometimes it's just a difficult season to navigate in general.

Do you see an uptake in the amount of patients that come to you?

- Sometimes, sometimes we do.

This holidays are very stressful, as you are aware.

And sometimes people just want extra support during the holidays.

Sometimes people want to prepare for the holidays.

And sometimes we see more people come in after the holidays are over.

- So for people that may not feel like this time of year is really great for them, what are some techniques that people can use to help them cope with what's going on through the holidays, or sort of get them to a place where they can, they can have less stress involved with the holidays?

- I think it would certainly depend on what's going on with them.

But falling back on healthy self care is always a good plan.

So having a, maintaining a healthy schedule, maintaining your healthy routines and making sure that you're not taking on too much, but you're also not avoiding, engaging in the fun of the holidays.

All of those things can be helpful.

- So on the flip side of that, for those, there are those that the holidays can be very stressful.

There are others who the holidays is the greatest thing.

They're waiting for it.

It's a wonderful thing.

And then January comes.

And it's depressing and dark and cold.

On the other side, what can someone do about that side, the post-holiday blues?

Is there any, anything different than they should do about that?

- That is a whole big ball of yarn right there.

Absolutely, because it depends on what's going on with somebody in January.

Is that, so I guess what I'm thinking of is sometimes we have someone who may be particularly vulnerable to some of the seasonal, effective depressive type disorders.

That maybe they have some momentum that carries them through the holidays and are able to kind of ignore that.

Or that momentum propels them and buoys them up.

And then here comes January and there's maybe a bit of a crash.

And so depending on what's going on with somebody, they'd wanna talk to somebody.

Get to the bottom of that so that we can develop an appropriate intervention for them.

- And then there are those folks who then decide just to get to the gym, right?

In January, where they've eaten for Thanksgiving, they've eaten for Christmas.

They maybe drank too much for New Years and then they wanna get to the gym.

- Hmm, so New Year's resolutions.

New Year's, in my opinion, New Year's resolutions are kind of a, a trap for some people.

And we set some really big goals for ourselves that are hard to maintain.

And so change is good a lot of times, but we wanna make smaller, incremental changes.

And so it's an okay idea to go to the gym after the holidays.

It's an okay idea to make plans, to make changes and healthy changes in our lives.

We just wanna make sure that those plans that we make are plans that we can sustain.

And so smaller changes, incremental changes are easier to implement and they're longer lasting, so.

- What about managing expectations?

Say you're going to Christmas dinner and you have some family, they all get along.

But other members of the family really don't.

What are your suggestions?

- That's really tricky.

(laughter) And again, it would depend on the particular situation.

But, that's a really hard question.

And I have to think about that one a little bit, to be honest.

(all laughing) That's a really big question, so.

- Well, it seems to happen in so many families, you know.

Like uncle Joe doesn't care for aunt - Both of them.

- Louise.

Both of them, there you go.

- Right.

Well, and it, again, family dynamics can be so complex that it kind of depends on what the dynamics are.

So my first instinct is to say, try to not get in the middle between other family members.

But on the other hand, it depends what the roles are in the family.

So I think honestly this year we're, is a continuation from last year.

So this year in 2021, we still have a lot of uncertainty.

And there's still quite a bit of disagreement about certain things that are going on.

- What role does peer pressure play during the holidays?

There's a lot of people who try to one-up each other.

How do you deal with that?

And try to not make yourself a part of that drama?

- I think that's a great question.

And I think we all need to identify what our priorities are.

And then adhere to our priorities and make those types of choices.

So it's really easy, especially today, to wanna keep up and to want to model or emulate or copy, or be as good as.

But we really need to identify what our personal values are.

What our family values are and then adhere to those.

- Well, and especially, let me come up and do like another question with that.

Talk about peer pressure to get kids all these like expensive gifts.

And you only have a limited budget.

'Cause I know that there are a lot of parents who feel the need to like make sure that they have the latest gaming systems and this and that.

And they know that maybe the rent could be not paid for the next month because they were trying to be impressive to their kids.

- Sure.

That's something that, that also has a year after year effect.

Because I think a lot of times parents wanna do better than the year before.

And so, so it just gets more and more and more expensive.

And I think going into the holidays with a plan, going into the holidays with a plan for your budget, going into the holidays with a plan for healthfulness, like sticking with your gym routine, making sure that you're sticking with your sleep routine.

All of that can be helpful with that.

So you wanna have that plan and then stick with that plan.

- So what if these priorities that you set for yourself or this idea that you have for what your budget is, is not the vision that's shared by other people in your family.

And then what you've produced for Christmas is disappointing to them or upsetting to them.

How do you deal with those kinds of conflicts?

- You know, it depends on who's having the conflict.

So if these are two parents that are having different ideas about their visions for Christmas, we'd wanna see those parents get on the same page.

But I'll tell you one thing that we do see a lot of, or that I've encountered a lot in my work is when parents have one vision for how they want to introduce holidays to their children and like the grandparents have a different vision.

And so we see some conflict with that.

And so we need to, we need to have some good direct communication and try to be as assertive as possible.

- So what about the dynamic between a parent and a child.

So obviously most children get really excited about the holiday season, however you celebrate.

There's excitement involved with it.

So how do parents communicate what the kids should be reasonably expecting without putting a damper on the season?

- Well, I guess it depends on what those expectations are from those kids.

So parents know their children.

And so parents know how to maybe introduce the idea of what to expect for the holidays.

And I think, again, communication with the kids would be probably the best bet for that.

- Great.

- So a lot of our conversation is about managing expectations and managing other people's expectations.

I mean, and which is, which are great words.

How do you implement that?

- You know, I've been thinking a lot about that.

As I've been thinking about coming on the show today.

And I was thinking about how we often fantasize about what we want our holidays to be like.

And so we create fantasies and then we think about those fantasies and we try to play those fantasies out in our minds.

And I think that as we create our fantasies and our, 'cause fantasies are, can become expectations.

As we fantasize about what we're hoping for, for the holidays, let's reign it in then.

Let's think about what's realistic.

Like what can we really do this year for holidays?

And so, so is it realistic to expect that we're going to do a lot of air travel this coming holiday season?

Maybe not necessarily.

So we wanna think about what's actually realistic and then match our expectations, our hopes with what can actually happen.

- That's helpful.

- Yeah.

- That's helpful.

- Yeah.

- Valerie, thank you so much for coming on to Inspire today, and happy holidays to you and to your family.

And we're gonna take another short break, but we'll be back with more of our holiday special in just one moment.

(bouncy music) - Hey there, Betty Lou and Amanda here at Amanda's Bakery Creations inside Fairlawn Plaza mall.

And the cookies have been going out of here.

The gingerbread men have been going out of here, but today what's going out of here?

- We're going to be making jingle bell cake balls.

- Somebody could just take a spoon to it right now.

But so what's the process?

- You are just going to crumble it up very finely.

Now this is the part where everybody's dependent on what they like on the inside.

- All right.

- I just use my plain buttercream recipe.

- Oh, okay.

- So we're just gonna add enough to basically make it moist and make them stick together.

- Okay.

- So you just want to add a little bit at a time.

- And again mixing with your hands.

- Again mixing with your hands.

Kids love this part.

- But this is a lovely dessert.

- As you can see, this is where you want it.

- Wow.

- Until it sticks together.

- Love it.

- So you can make them any shape you like.

- And we're doing jingle bells today, of course.

for holidays holidays, right?

- We're doing jingle bells for the holidays.

- So that's actually enough.

So what you're gonna do is you're gonna take a scooper or you can go with your hands, but I'm kind of OCD, and I like the same size of cake balls all across the board.

- So then, to, do you bake them?

- No.

Since these are already baked, if you want to stick the pops in them, like the little sticks in them, you can and then freeze them for a little bit.

But since they're just gonna be little cake balls without the sticks, we're just gonna go from here.

- I think that's great.

Is there a way to form the jingle bell or?

- Nope.

We're just gonna make them all round, roll them up a little bit, to a little ball.

- Right.

- So today our color is yellow because it's, jingle bells.

- There you go.

- You're going to make sure your chocolate's all nice and melted.

And then you're gonna take a fork, you're gonna get it a little bit in the chocolate so that the cake sticks to it.

- This is the family activity.

(laughing) - This is hot chocolate.

So please have an adult help the children with this part.

- Sure.

- You're just gonna tap it a little bit.

Try to get some of the excess off.

Now this is the part that bothers me because I need it all smooth.

So I usually do a double dip.

- All right.

- That never happens around my house, 'cause they usually get eaten.

- As soon as they're frosted.

- As soon as they're frosted, they get eaten.

- Take it right off.

- Take it right off of there.

- Aww, how cute.

(laughing) - It actually, in order for these little candies to stick, we need them a little bit wet.

So that's fine.

- Okay, so that's good.

- These ones just happened to be, I just picked gold today.

(bright music) - I love it.

- So, you know, make it fun.

Make it fun for the whole family.

- It's a whole lot of fun, always.

Right here in the bakery.

Come on inside.

We are inside Fairlawn Plaza mall.

It's time for a jingle bell, cake balls.

(bright music) - Welcome back.

Ladies, did you notice that I brought a few of my African-American Santas with me today?

- I love them.

- About 21 years ago, I had a business selling African-American collectibles and fine art.

Because I wanted black children to be able to see things in their home that would be representative of themselves and their family and their heritage.

So how often have you seen an African-American, - Mary and Joseph.

Mary and Joseph?

A nativity scene.

- And the baby Jesus.

- Yes, right?

- Awesome.

- And then we have all of these fabulous different Santas, African-American Santas.

Some of them were done by a collection called Sarah's Attic.

And the nativity scene is by Sarah's Attic.

And I have a huge collection.

I didn't wanna bring every single one of my 250 different Santas.

(all laughing) - Oh, wow.

- Somebody has a problem.

- Somebody has a problem.

(all laughing) It's okay, I'm good with it.

I know who I am.

- There are worse problems you could have.

- This is true, this is true.

- So, you know, this is something that, you know, when we were coming up, the thought never occurred to anyone to, you know, have a black Santa.

And when we had Mahogany Curio, we would have a black Santa come to the gallery and people could bring their children with them and they could sit on Santa's lap and they could tell Santa what they wanted.

And it would be an African-American Santa.

- I love it.

- And it was really a wonderful thing to do.

And I mean, we were mobbed by folks who wanted to have their children meet a black Santa - That's perfect.

- So that's one of my favorite remembrances of the last, you know, did I say 21 years?

Or am I so dating myself?

(all laughing) - That's okay.

But Amber, you have a cute seven year old.

- I do, I do.

Yes, Ollie.

And we, I didn't realize that I was doing this until looking at pictures.

But I have a thing for putting us in matching jammies at Christmas time.

(all laughing) And then I started looking at other pictures and then, then they're like just our normal day to day photos where we are also wearing matching Christmas outfits.

(all laughing) So I guess my thing at Christmas time with my son is to force him to dress up like me.

(all laughing) So I'm confident that one day he'll put the brakes on that, but I'm gonna let that ride as long as I can 'cause it's super fun.

(all laughing) - But that's great.

I think it's precious actually.

- It's fun.

And you know, I just want it to be a magical time for him.

- Absolutely.

- And so, you know, I just go full tilt, to decorate our house.

It's like a winter Wonderland and he loves it.

And he's, what he likes is, he likes to go to sleep at night and he likes to wake up in the morning to have the house decorated.

So he'll say, "Mommy, tonight, when I go to sleep, will you do the decorations?"

So he likes to be surprised by it.

And I love that because then I don't have to tell him that where he's hanging the ornament is stressing me out.

(all laughing) - Yes, and that's it, managing expectations.

It doesn't have to be perfection.

It can just go...

But what about hearing the hoofs on the roof and Santa.

Do you say, "Oh, I think he hear that."

- Really what we focus more on is writing our letter to Santa and talking about, you know, what we might want.

And it's really a lovely trick because for like two months leading up to Christmas, anytime we're at the store and he says, I wanna get that.

And I say, put it on the list.

And then we just, and he forgets about it.

So now I don't have to buy toys.

- There you go.

(all laughing) - So it's a good, it's a good technique.

- That won't always work, so I'm just warning you.

(laughing) - Yeah, but we have a good time and we really like to read Christmas books and we put out cookies for Santa.

And so it's really nice.

- That's so awesome.

- Yeah.

(bright music) - And that's all the time we have for today.

And we hope that every one of you has a safe and happy holiday season.

And as a reminder, you can watch this program online, again, at watch.ktwu.org.

- And if you're inspired to learn more about our guests and find out what is coming up on future shows, be sure to visit our website at www.ktwu.org/inspire - Inspiring women, inspiring you.

Inspiring holiday traditions.

On KTWU.

We thank you for watching.

(bright music) Inspire is sponsored by Kansas Furniture Mart.

Using furniture to inspire conversation.

And by the Blanche Bryden Foundation.