(helicopter whirring) (sirens wailing) (zombies moaning) (zombies squeaking) - We fed 172 people today.

- On one day's notice.

- And sold 207 raffle tickets.

- (gasping) Woo hoo.

Anyone get a thank you?

- (grunting) No.

- So what?

We did it.

- [All] We did it.

(laughing) - Ladies, help me block the door.

(ominous music) Hurry.

(people grunting) - Oh God.

(gasping) - There was a zombie flash mob and they've overtaken the entire city.

(person gasping) It happened so fast.

(roof banging) (ominous music) (upbeat dramatic music) (sirens wailing) - Bnd I can't hear anything.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, okay, we're good.

Ladies and gentlemen.

At approximately 9:45 this evening, a group of zombies stormed Los Angeles City Hall.

The entire city, with the exception of the American Legion Hollywood Post 43 is considered lost.

- Oh, oh wow, is this live?

- Yes, it is, but, that's a lot more than I can say for you.

(person faintly screaming in background) - See?

See?

There, it's 'cause of haters like you, it's the reason we're rampaging.

- Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry man, it was totally uncalled for.

Truce?

- Oh, it's too late, grandpa.

I call eyelids and lips, get 'em!

(zombies roaring) (zombies grunting) (person shrieking) - Where is everybody?

- We're all that's left.

The zombies overran the gates.

- What about our members?

- The veterans.

- Well, the Marines were the first to answer the call.

- Our Marines.

- Zombies.

(person grunting) - What zombies?

- Marines.

- Marines.

- The perfect killing machine.

- First to fight.

- First to fight.

- To the corps.

- To the corps.

- To the corps.

- Attention to detail.

For 200 years.

- 200 years man.

- From the homes of Montezuma.

- [All] To the shores of (indistinct).

- They toasted to the core, got eaten to the core, because nobody thought to lock the door.

Now we got drunk zombie Marines.

- Nobody eats our Marines and gets away with it.

Let's get these zombie bastards.

- Hold on.

That's not what makes us strong.

- What about the other veterans?

- Well, Nick, Ricardo and Bill all carpooled together from Rancho Cucamonga.

So they formed the Army, Coast Guard, Navy, Defense League.

- Well, the Army has tanks.

- And the Coast Guard has them itty bitty speedboats.

- They had epic plans.

- So it's a done deal.

75th Rangers out of Fort Benning, airdrop, courtesy of the U.S. Army.

- Okay, but we need a cutter.

- Situation calls for nothing less than a carrier strike.

- No, this is a ground combat situation.

I'm giving the order.

- No you're not, I suggest a zombie defense committee.

- I'll lead it.

- Seriously, you couldn't lead ants to a picnic.

- Ants to a picnic, I graduated first- - Oh, who?

(roaring drowns out speech) (zombies squeaking) (dramatic music) - And that's how Army, Coast Guard, Navy, zombie chow is made.

- That leaves our Air Force veterans.

They have 21st century weapons.

- Well, this was more of a 19th century dumb bomb.

- Where did they get a bomb?

- Our museum.

(metal clicking) They actually re-armed a 500 pound World War II munition.

(zombies grunting) (dramatic music) - Whip their ass.

(footsteps pattering) (zombies squeaking) Right there.

Take cover.

Right there.

Bombs away.

(explosion booms) - And now we have kamikaze zombies.

- They made it worse.

- Those were the tactics our brave veterans were trained in.

But we have our own ways of solving problems and I planned for this one.

(mysterious ascending chimes) Okay ladies, you know what to do.

- American Legion Auxiliary, what do we do?

- [All] Serve the greater good and improve lives together.

(metal banging) - Okay, open the door.

(zombies grunting) (zombies grunting) (person shrieking) (zombies grunting) - Hey, who's in charge?

(zombies faintly giggling in background) Oh, you have had such a hard day.

But you ate some perfectly good veterans and that's not acceptable.

But, I know you've got to eat.

So if you promise to behave, we'll get you in and get you fed and then we'll get you outta here.

Affirmative?

I know, I know.

(zombie growling) Come on in, have a seat.

Everyone, come in.

Ladies, they just need some lovin'.

We got hungry zombies to feed.

(dramatic music) (zombies squeaking) (tableware clanging) (zombies squeaking) (flesh squelching) Oh.

Oh, you're welcome.

Yeah, take care.

- Bye.

- Nice to meet you.

Have a good night, yeah, take- - Care.

- Bye.

- Bye, bye.

- Oh, sweetie.

(chuckling) Yes, yeah, oh, okay, uh, bye now, good, good night.

- (gasping) We fed 147 dead things.

- On one minute's notice.

(person laughing) - And we sold 267 raffle tickets.

(person gasping) - Wow.

- And we didn't get a thank you, but.

- [All] We did it, yeah!

(laughing) (dramatic music) (electronic music)