
How I See Myself
Season 26 Episode 6 | 58m 10sVideo has Closed Captions
Seven short films from California students at LMU, CalArts, USC, Chapman, Art Center and SJSU.
A self-conscious boy seeks the help of a famous wrestler in “Pepperoni” from LMU. Two souls make a dance floor connection in CalArts animation "Until Morning." A receptionist in heaven takes revenge in “The Entrance” from USC. Followed by drama short “Indulge Me" from USC, Chapman documentary “Handwoven” and animations “Feathers and Fur” from Art Center and ”Snug” from San José State.
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Fine Cut is a local public television program presented by PBS SoCal

How I See Myself
Season 26 Episode 6 | 58m 10sVideo has Closed Captions
A self-conscious boy seeks the help of a famous wrestler in “Pepperoni” from LMU. Two souls make a dance floor connection in CalArts animation "Until Morning." A receptionist in heaven takes revenge in “The Entrance” from USC. Followed by drama short “Indulge Me" from USC, Chapman documentary “Handwoven” and animations “Feathers and Fur” from Art Center and ”Snug” from San José State.
Problems playing video? | Closed Captioning Feedback
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♪ ♪ [Rain pouring] [Thunder crashing] Sam?
Sam!
Sam: Mm.
Why have we never had sex?
[Sighs] I mean, we've been over this, honey.
I have this weird condition.
It's... it's hard to explain.
I-- I'll have to sit you down another time when we have-- Let's have sex.
Uh, next week.
Let's do it next week.
Woman: No, let's do it now.
[Thunder crashing] Uh, yeah, but, you know, next week will work a little better.
No, no, no.
Woman: You're gonna love it.
Don't worry.
Sam: Next week, please, please.
Uh, no, no, no.
Can you button that back up?
Oh!
[Thunder rumbling] Oh, my gosh.
[Rain splattering] They're huge.
[Laughing loudly] [Thunder crashing] [Continues laughing] [Eerie music playing] [Music stops] [Birds chirping] [Automatic sprinkler spraying] [Sighing] ♪ TV host: And, finally, a word of advice to all your fans out there, all the kids out there that look up to you.
Uhh, hey, kids, here's my advice to you.
You got to own every freaking moment like it's the last, you understand me?
You don't take crap off of nobody.
And if you see a wall in front of you, you-- you break through that-- that wall!
Do you hear me?
Break through that wall!
Now, interview over!
♪ Eat up [inaudible].
[Bell dinging, punches] ♪ [Suspenseful music starts] ♪ Sam... you're up.
A-Arturo Diablo is one of the most famous wrestlers.
I look up to him because he faced great adversity and still became the best wrestler-- That's not even a real historical figure.
[Class laughs] [Jazz music playing] ♪ Coach: Let's pick teams.
Three on three it is.
Noah... Skins.
Shirts.
Skins.
Shirts.
Skins... Ryan, Shirts.
Boys, [Clapping] let's play some basketball.
Go.
Sam: Ryan, switch with me.
What?
Why?
Ryan, just switch with me.
No way, dude.
I don't want to be Skins.
Sam: Listen, listen.
I'll do your math homework.
I'll buy you lunch.
I'll do whatever.
Just switch with me.
[Basketballs bouncing] Fine.
Thank you.
Coach: Pass the ball, pass the ball, pass the ball!
Go, go, go, go.
You got it.
Take the ball, take that shot.
Go!
Boy: Right here, right here.
Coach: Pass the ball.
Pass the ball, pass the ball.
Take it to the hole.
Go!
Here we go.
You guys got to move around.
Move around.
I want to see defense.
Defense!
[Coach, inaudible] Nice!
[Applause] [Chatter of players] ♪ Noah: Okay, no foul!
[Basket balls bouncing] Midnight.
[Showers running] [Notification dings on intercom] How was school?
Very talkative today, aren't we?
Sam: Mom?
Yep.
Do you have $500 I can borrow?
[Laughs] Good one.
[Chuckling] [Sighs] How's your wrestling thing going?
How's all that?
Sam: Fine.
Mom: Okay.
Wanna watch a movie tonight or something?
Sam: I'm busy.
[TV playing in background] Mom: Okay.
Man on TV: Dale's Junk Palace.
We buy junk for cold, hard cash.
That's right.
Come in with trash, walk out with cash.
Dale's Junk Palace.
Located on Harper Avenue off Highway 40.
Open 10 a.m.
to 7 p.m.
Monday through Friday.
What's up, Devil Gang?
It's your good pal Arturo, seven-time world champion, and I'll be at Big Iron Boxing tonight for a fan meet-up.
And I want to see you there!
Especially you, Sam Johnson.
Yeah, I can help you.
Yeah, you heard me right, boy... tonight.
9 p.m.!
Be there or go straight to hell!
Aaah!!
♪ ♪ [Arturo, inaudible] Arturo: Hey, man, what's your name?
Man: Josh.
Arturo: There you go, Josh... Give 'em hell, brother.
There it is.
Hey, kid, what's your name?
You, uh, you told me to come see you.
Uh... Yeah, sure.
You said you could help me.
♪ Um, help you how, exactly?
You said my name.
I'm sorry, kid, but I don't think I've ever met you before.
Oh, no, hey, no, no, no, no.
It's all right, it's all right, it's all right.
Relax.
I got you.
Here you go.
This one is to... "The man."
"Diablo," there it is.
Heh.
You give 'em hell, kid.
Don't worry about it.
Everything's good.
♪ Yeah, come on.
Hey, kid, what's your name?
You love the women?
Oh, yeah.
I would-- I would posit-- I would-- I'd imagine I was with over 2,000 women in my time, during my career, 2,000 different women.
And you don't get that kind of numbers if you're not a complete killer.
You don't get those kind of numbers if you're not a complete killer, if you're not a love machine, if you're not a snake in the grass, am I right?!
Yes, yeah.
[Audience cheering, clapping] Oh, women love... [Jazz music playing] ♪ [Arturo, inaudible] You-- you-- break through that-- that wall!
You hear me?!
Break through that wall!
♪ [Applause and cheering] ♪ [Door creaking] You're late.
Where's my money, freak?
I don't have it.
Big mistake.
You wanna fight?
What?
Let's settle this like men and fight.
You... You wanna get your... whooped?
Freak!
[Microphone feedback] Man: And now, returning to the ring for the first time in ten years, ladies and gentlemen, seven-time world champion, the Man from Hell... Arturo Diablo!
[Bell ringing] ♪ [Roaring] ♪ [Music ends] [General chatter] ♪ You know, we should do this more often.
We could fight crime together.
Like Batman and Robin.
Like Batman and... I was thinking the same thing.
I'm-- I'm Batman, right?
What's wrong?
What's going on?
He's gonna tell everyone about my nipples.
Hey, kid, you want to know a big secret?
Cover me.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Seven-time world champion has big, puppy-weird nipples.
I never hear the end of it.
Heh!
But if you still hide them, how am I supposed to accomplish anything?
You don't have to be like me.
No, you... You can choose to own it.
Bro, you can choose to rock it.
You're crazy.
No, no, no, I'm serious.
No, you're crazy.
You're not even real.
Stand up.
What?
Stand the f--- up!
Now, you repeat after me.
"I am not gonna go through life acting like a .... I am gonna own my..." I am, uh, not... You say it like you mean it, boy!
I am not gonna go through life acting like a p---y. I'm gonna own my life.
Good!
If I want something, I'm gonna take it!
If I want something, I'm gonna take it!
I am beautiful, and no one can tell me otherwise!
I am beautiful, and no one can tell me otherwise!
I am unstoppable!
I'm unstoppable!
Ahhhhh!
Ahhhhh!
Ahhhhh!
Ahhhhhh!
Ahhh!
Go!
♪ Ahhhh!
Arturo: The world is your oyster, boy!
♪ ♪ [Traffic sounds] ♪ ♪ ♪ [Ding] Next.
Kate Miller, thank you for your patience.
I am extremely excited to inform you that your next incarnation will be a giraffe.
Congratulations.
[Pop] [Ding] Next.
Welcome, Matthew Wilson.
Born 1948, Hadley, Massachusetts.
[Lion roaring] Welcome, Matthew Wilson.
Josh?
Josh Gardner?
Oh, my God.
[Laughs nervously] No, no.
I'm extremely excited to inform you that your next incarnation will be... Ah!
A worm.
[Pop] Enjoy it.
[Tiny scream] [Bell dings] [Pop] Oh, that was quick.
What is going on?
Let's see what you're going to be next.
[Gasps] Worm again.
Congrats.
Wait, wait!
[Pop] [General chatter, dog barking] [Tiny scream, bell dings] [Pop] Worm again.
Can you at least explain?
Alright.
This is for you coming out of nowhere with all your fancy little toys in third grade to become the coolest kid in school!
[Thud, click] [Thunder rumbling] [Tiny scream, bell dings] And this is for you stealing my accounting job because your uncle knew the boss.
[Thud, click] [General chatter] [Tiny screams, bell dings] Driving that brand-new Ford your dad got you, so you can come and pick up Ashley Graves... my prom date.
[Thud, click] [Thud, click] [Softly chuckling] [Click, click, click, click] [Rapid clicks] [Buzzing, bell ringing] [Alarm sounding] [Ding] [Pop] Open the folder.
Oh, it's your file.
"Repeat violations.
Malicious tampering of reincarnations and..." [Chuckles] You're a worm, really.
[Laughs] Hey... Matthew.
I didn't mean to do anything like... No, no, no, no, no, no.
Put it down.
Put it down.
Matthew, you're the best.
You're so handsome.
I love you, Matthew.
[Matthew chuckles] Come on, damn it, please.
You've already had the life everybody wanted.
At least, there's no need to mess with mine.
You have no idea what I had and what I didn't.
Money.
Sure, it can buy power.
But never love.
I was jealous of you, Josh.
You were funny and kind, and you had so many friends.
I was extremely sorry when you passed away at such a young age.
Matthew, I... I didn't know.
I guessed that around the third time you turned me into a worm.
Not much gray in your hair... until now.
I'm going to give you the life you never had.
A very long life.
See you in the future.
♪ [Pop] [Ding] Matthew: Josh... actually, humans have a way tougher life than worms do.
[Baby crying] ♪ ♪ [Urinating] [Paper rustling] Man: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
It has been 24 years since my last confession.
I married the love of my life.
I have two beautiful boys.
I-- I did it all right.
But when I take a step back and I look at my life... Father, I don't know what's wrong with me.
Why can't I find happiness?
Everyone around me finds such joy in life.
And here I am-- popcorn?
Are you eating popcorn?
No.
[Ding] Oh, I think... I think I'm out.
I don't... Sorry.
Here.
Is it like a "Body of Christ" thing?
Eh.
Oh.
26!
Woman: That's me.
Preacher: Hey, Trudy.
Trudy: Father.
♪ [Coins rattling] [Woman sighs] How's it going?
Forgive me-- forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
There's a-- there's a homeless woman.
Every morning, I have to clean up her feces.
I don't understand why, God, you know, like, why me, right?
Margarita's at Joe's house.
I pissed in his front yard.
It looks like you are one of Santa's elves.
Man: You know, I'm trying to run a business.
Half of my business, at least, is coming from the patio.
Uh, it's another quarter.
[Boy laughs] Can you put in another quarter?
I wish I could steal you away from Jesus.
This is kind of boring.
[Burping] You think you could absolve me?
How-- how would you feel?
I feel so much better.
Not loving your life is a sin.
How can you love something when you're not happy?
[Ding] [Silence] That's, uh-- sorry, one more quarter.
Preacher: Jeanie, can I get two Jackpots and two Scratch & Wins?
Jeanie: Of course, Father.
[Both chuckle] [Coins rattling] Isn't this, like, a sin?
[Car whizzing by] Shh.
Eh.
Probably.
Jeanie, do you have a lighter I can borrow?
♪ Man: Yes.
Yes.
[Church bell ringing] As I live and breathe, is that Otto?
Otto!
Otto!
This is Otto.
What a remarkable coincidence.
Thomas.
Lucius.
How long has it been?
Two years?
Three.
Rather early for hitting the sacrament, is it not?
Yes, well, you know, Otto, some of your former colleagues and I have been thinking about you of late.
Have you now?
Though your accusation of Bishop O'Reilly was unfounded, it came from a good place.
These recent controversies with children, we must be vigilant.
Even though the church's investigation found you... overzealous.
It's funny how they came to that conclusion.
In any case, your defrocking was an overreaction.
Were you to apologize to O'Reilly and recant those sordid rumors, perhaps he would find it in his heart to offer an indulgence?
♪ Otto: Hey, let me ask you something.
If I told you to eat, and then you ate, said, would it, um, transubstantiate?
You little twerp!
You should be begging for our forgiveness!
I'll keep that in mind.
♪ Man: I have no doubt.
Let me tell you something about doubt.
Matthew: 22, 18 to 22, Matthew: 21.
Early in the morning-- Thank you, son.
God bless you.
I bless you.
You see, when you're blessed, you don't have to be messed with, because we got the Word of God on our side!
♪ Man on TV: Quarterback Dean... Otto: You sure you got the right place?
Figured I'd play both sides, you know?
Maybe you won't notice.
It'll just be a minute.
Aah!
Man: So, how do we start?
Well, first you put a quarter in.
[Coin clinking] And you say, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Oh, well, you may be a father, but you ain't my daddy.
Ha, ha, ha!
Relax.
Come on.
I'm just-- I'm just busting your chops.
Forgive me, Father... for I have sinned.
And what is your sin?
[Sighing] I killed a member of my congregation.
[Scoffing] He was a boy.
I mean, he-- he'd had his bar mitzvah, but he-- he was a boy.
[Loud ding] [Coins jingling] No, no, no, it's-- it's fine.
Yeah?
[Coins jingling] He came to me.
He was having thoughts that... scared him.
Thoughts about other boys.
I-I told him, he's not a bad kid, he's just-- he's just confused.
And I-I read to him from the Torah.
I encouraged him to pray.
He said he'd been praying, and I told him to pray harder, because God will answer.
He asked me not to tell his parents.
And I-I didn't know what to do.
I-I... [Sighing] He said he'd... fix himself.
I told them.
I-I... I thought it was right.
Three days later, they found him.
He was, uh... May our Lord and our God give you grace and forgiveness.
What?
And I... an unworthy priest, by his power given me, do hereby forgive all your s-- No, no, no, stop.
Stop!
Oh, God... Oh, this is... This was stupid.
It's not stupid.
Did you ever look at your church... and-- and for the first time, you see that it's... it's... it's built on sand.
And you see the hollowness and the... its failures.
Yes.
And?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Man: [Sighs] Hmm.
♪ [Whispering] Do you want to cross yourself?
Uh... Follow me.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit... Amen.
♪ [Chuckles] Whew.
It's a good thing we don't have to do that with the Star of David.
We'd be smacking ourselves all over.
[Both laughing] So, take-- Alright, take it easy.
It's not that funny.
I know.
I just, uh... [Man laughing] Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
[Crying] Sorry.
[Breathing heavily] Oh.
♪ [Ding] ♪ [Scissors cutting] [Sheep bleating] ♪ Woman on speaker: Good morning.
Woman 2: Good morning.
Woman 3: Good morning.
Nikyle: And I'm muted.
Sorry, my app... Oh, and I'm connecting to audio.
I am too eager to get started here.
[Ding] Okay, I'm gonna hit "record" now, so we got to act proper, all right?
[Woman on speaker laughs] Okay, thanks for reminding me.
[Nikyle laughs] [Thud, thud, thud] Nikyle: Well, you know, Janice, Grayson did want to stay today and hang out with us.
Janice: You should show them the picture of Grayson, um, weaving.
Nikyle: Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll do that in just a moment.
Woman: Look at that technique!
Nikyle: Mm-hmm, he knows.
He picked it up.
[Laughs] Woman: He looks so happy.
He's already found his purpose in life.
Nikyle: Mm-hmm.
[Thud, thud, thud] Nikyle: And I think that, you know, out of the nephews and nieces, he might be the one to-- to carry this on for me.
Janice: Wow, that's awesome.
Woman: That's gorgeous.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Woman: Thanks, Nikyle.
You're welcome.
And I'll see you all tomorrow.
Janice: Okay, bye.
Nikyle: Bye.
Woman: See you then.
Okay, well, that was close.
♪ [Sheep bleating] Nikyle: Come on.
Come on.
[Shaking food] ♪ Nikyle: Definitely, you'd have to love wool and to work with it... which, even as a kid, I was like, "I want to weave."
[Laughs] Going to my grandma's house, she had this big basket by her loom, and I would sneak, like, little pieces of it and take some from her.
I got caught, and she was like, "If you want to weave, watch me."
She's like, "I can explain it to you all day, every day.
We're only just gonna be mad at each other, so just watch and observe."
So, I did.
I watched her, start to finish.
Um, and that's how I learned to weave.
[Shaking food] Down here.
Even people here who had been indoctrinated to believe in gender roles, and all that, would be like, "Well, boys don't weave.
Get away from there."
You know, "Don't do that."
So, there were always, uh, outside things trying to discourage me from doing this.
[Sheep bleating] And I guess that's, like, the beauty of being somebody like me is that, you know, they say that, traditionally, that was the role-- our role-- was to take care of the people, take care of our elders, take care of the culture, take care of the sheep.
Whereas, you know, the roles for the cis male and female was basically to procreate.
[Laughs] ♪ People like us, you know, effeminate males, non-binary but male at birth, tend to, um-- No that should go-- We tend to gravitate toward our grandmothers a lot.
And I guess you could say, like, maybe culturally and historically, we're also, you know, like the bearers of culture, would you say?
Yeah.
You know, my dad said, "If this is who you are," you know, "Be-- just be your best," you know, just be yourself and don't-- you know, don't compromise any of your morals or anything.
But with my mom, it was a little different.
She'll probably argue with me and say that it didn't go that way, but it's like her and I, like, we just never saw eye-to-eye when I was younger.
She would, you know, voice her opinion about it.
But she came around.
She came around.
Um... But I do have to admit that, like, our relationship is kind of strained because of that.
Man, low: Look how... Nikyle: Mm-hmm.
[Sheep bleating] Nikyle: They say that the sheep is the sustenance.
You know, it's not only food, it's not only wool, but, like I said, it's also there to teach you life lessons to help you grow.
You know, we call that "sheep is life."
When I was younger, I always thought it was just, like, oh, money, money.
You know, like, "I can raise it and sell it."
But because of people's hate-- like, homophobia, I guess is the correct term-- you know, kind of became a very, very mean person.
Like, you couldn't be around me without-- because it was a defense thing, you know.
So, I was always mean.
I wasn't pleasant to be around, but as I was raising the sheep, you know, it kind of took me out of that space and took me out of that, like, you know, like letting other people's hate and darkness cloud my own, you know, my own happiness.
So, I think they really brought me out of that shell and were able to show me that, you know, being myself is fine.
[Laughs] ♪ [Applause] Nikyle: This is how we live.
This is where we come from.
Who is going to do this when we're gone?
Who is going to continue our life way?
♪ Nikyle: That's a thought that I think about, like, a lot.
[Laughs] It's the inevitable thing.
I do have some hope.
Growing up, we were always taught that we're going to lose our identity, we're going to lose our language, we're going to lose everything.
But when you lose the sheep, that's when you're... you're gone.
♪ ♪ [General chatter] [Subway doors chime] [Elevator dings] Kiran: Samuel.
[Shimmering] ♪ Samuel: K-Kiran!
Oh, whoa-- [Laughs] I... meant to do that.
Kiran, slowly: Do you need help?
Huh?
♪ Ugh... Oh... Ahh!
What are you--?
We'd like to help you with Kiran's affections!
Samuel: Oh, jeez.
No, please.
You're not exactly smooth, Samuel.
So, you got to use that fur musk we got.
It's a basic instinct.
Samuel: Eww.
♪ [Wolf howling] Ahem.
How about you throw a dog a bone and go out with me sometime?
Ah!
[Laughing] Fear not, Samuel!
I'll be an excellent wingman!
I'm an expert on love!
Samuel: Uh-huh.
And how are things going with Becky?
Silence!
You doubt me?
Observe!
♪ Hey, babe!
Becky: It's inappropriate to flirt during office hours, Ron.
[Laughing] [Laughing] [Crow laughing] Cockatiel: Ooh.
Argh!
[Meow] [Ron laughing] [Laughing] [Elevator dings] [Shimmering] ♪ Alright, buddy, show 'em what you know.
Ron: Wait!
♪ Samuel: Oh, uh, Kiran, I, uh... how about you, me, and... bone!
I mean... Kiran: Samuel?
Are you alright?
♪ It wasn't that bad.
Yeah, we can always try-- Becky: Cane and Ron, you two are being called to see HR.
[Both scream] It's urgent.
[Huffing and puffing] Cane: Crap!
[Machine beeping] [Loud thuds] Kiran: Samuel?
What have you been up to?
I saw Cane and Ron with you earlier.
Samuel: Yeah, I guess they've been trying to help me.
Kiran: With what exactly?
[Shimmering] ♪ Uh... Samuel?
Samuel: Err... They were teaching me how to... make friends.
I wanted to be friends with you, specifically.
Oh, Samuel, I'd love to be friends.
Would you like to join me and Becky for some drinks after work?
Samuel: Really?
I'd love to.
♪ [Ominous music playing] [Thud] Samuel: What-- what-- what-- what is all this?
Boss: I've been needing these done before tomorrow, but I haven't seen you at your desk all day.
This is very unlike you, Samuel.
Becky: Samuel's doing overtime tonight.
Boss: Work, work, work.
Kiran: Oh.
That's... a shame.
Samuel: Ugh!
♪ [Elevator dings] ♪ [Brakes squealing] [Doors chiming] [Elevator dings] [Snoring] ♪ [Electric buzzing and whirring] ♪ [Tinkling] Uhh... [Thuds] [Traffic rattling by] [Groaning] [Rumbling] [Growing louder] [Breathing heavily] [Static sounds] [Tinkling] [Sighs] ♪ [Tinkling] [Tinkling] ♪ [Tinkling] [Loud vibrations] [Static sound] It's alright.
♪ [Tinkling, notification pops up] Huh?
[Phone vibrating] ♪ [Snoring] ♪ [Tinkling] ♪ [Airplane engine humming] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Announcer: Funding for "Fine Cut Festival of Films" is generously provided by the Bridges Larson Foundation.
Video has Closed Captions
Preview: S26 Ep6 | 32s | A receptionist in heaven attempts to take revenge on his earthly nemesis. (Xinchi Wang/USC) (32s)
Video has Closed Captions
Clip: S26 Ep6 | 5m 39s | In a world with two species, Feathers or Fur, Samuel is a rarity. (Francesca Mariñas/Art Center) (5m 39s)
Video has Closed Captions
Clip: S26 Ep6 | 9m 2s | A lyrical portrait of Nikyle Begay. (Dasha Levin, Mason Cazalet, Mihika Das, Matthew Wisdom/Chapman) (9m 2s)
Video has Closed Captions
Preview: S26 Ep6 | 30s | Seven short films from California students at LMU, CalArts, USC, Chapman, Art Center and SJSU. (30s)
Video has Closed Captions
Preview: S26 Ep6 | 1m 10s | Rabbi enters an ex-priest's confessional seeking absolution. (Clarinda Louise Blais/USC) (1m 10s)
Video has Closed Captions
Clip: S26 Ep6 | 17m 3s | A self conscious middle schooler seeks the help of a famous wrestler. . (Jacob Staudenmaier/LMU) (17m 3s)
Clip: S26 Ep6 | 2m 29s | An anxiously attached little fella can’t sleep. (Damian Orpustan/San José State) (2m 29s)
Clip: S26 Ep6 | 1m 45s | Two groovy souls meet on the disco dance floor of love! (Niq Ducote/CalArts) (1m 45s)
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