(thunder crashing) ♪ One day the devil came to him ♪ ♪ For he was a minor demon ♪ Asked him to torture some humans ♪ ♪ With his two friends in tow ♪ Mittens and El Sapo ♪ The Baron Mondo Von Doren ♪ On Nightmare Theatre - Now all you had to do was send in one penny, just one penny and they send you like 16 records or cassettes, like I got Toto and Asia, all kinds of good stuff.

Then once a month, they'd send you a card featuring their selection of the month.

Now, if you didn't decline it quickly enough, they automatically sent the selection to you, which you had to pay for, plus, get this, an astonishingly high shipping and handling cost.

See, that's where they got ya.

It was truly a great con.

I wish I'd have thought of it.

You start out with like The Velvet Underground or something really cool and you wind up with the collected works of Leif Garrett because you'd forget to mail that card back.

It was the perfect scam.

Oh, hold on, we're on.

Hello, and welcome once again to Nightmare Theatre.

I'm your host, the Baron Mondo Von Doren, and with me as always is Mittens the Werewolf.

Mittens and I were just discussing brilliant flim-flams as we await the perfect victim for any confidence man, El Sapo de Tempesto, to arrive with tonight's movie.

I'm not sure where he could be.

He should be here any time now.

- Hey, hey, boss.

Hey, guys.

It is raining cats and dogs out there today, I tell you.

- So, the weather is bad, is it?

- Yeah, you're telling me.

I almost got struck by lightning, twice!

- Boy, that certainly would have been a tragedy.

Say, while you were out there splashing in the puddles and dodging thunderbolts, did you happen to find a movie for tonight?

- Oh, I did not, boss.

Why, I was running for my very life, trying to avoid the rain and the lightning.

It was crazy!

At one point, the lightning got so bad, listen to this, I was standing in some very deep water, it was either sink down and drown or float there and get struck by lightning!

It was no-win situation.

- Oh, oh, trust me, if you were struck my lightning, there would be winners, me and the viewers.

Lots of winners.

I wouldn't call that a no-win situation.

- Boss, you know, you happen to be looking at the only man-servant to beat the no-win scenario at man-servant school.

- Yeah, yeah, okay.

I saw that movie too.

McCoy said that to Saavik.

But hey, how 'bout instead of quoting movies, we actually show one.

Do you have a movie for tonight?

- No, I did not, but I did find this wedged in a storm drain.

I think it's another chapter of "Radar Men From the Moon".

Can you show it while I run and find a movie?

- Sapo, I've noticed a pattern here.

You never seem to have a film ready.

- It's not my fault, boss.

It's like someone has put a hex on me or something.

Bad things always seem to happen to me.

- Listen, bad things happen to everyone.

It's like how you happen to me.

I was fine and then I met you and boom, I was hexed.

- But it seems like bad things happen to me more than anyone else, boss.

- You know, I gotta say, you bring a lot of this on yourself.

- I still swear someone has put the hoodoo on me.

- I'm sure many many people have placed hexes or curses or whammies or whatever on you, and who can blame them?

But at least you can have a movie ready.

You could always plan ahead, couldn't you?

- I'll do my best from here on out, boss.

In fact, let me start tonight.

I know I can find a great film.

I'm gonna make you proud of me boss, I swear.

- I highly doubt that.

(sighing) So, while Papa Shango devises new and innovative ways to disappoint us, why don't you folks check out yet another chapter of "Radar Men From the Moon," here on "Nightmare Theatre".

(dramatic orchestral music) (dramatic orchestral music) - You missed!

- He was too quick.

Turn the truck around, I'll get another shot at him.

- Right.

(suspenseful orchestral music) - They're getting set for another shot at us.

Keep going.

Better bail out.

- Okay.

(explosion booming) - It's going to be a serious problem organizing any system of defense against those ray guns.

- it's practically impossible unless we build ray guns of our own.

- We can't do that without lunarium as the base for the atom reaction.

- That's right.

So if it meets with your approval, I'll make another trip to the moon and try to get a supply of lunarium.

- You think you can do it?

- I'm not sure but it's worth trying.

Anything is better than sitting here like tin ducks in a shooting gallery.

- I heartily agree.

If you're willing to make the attempt, you can certainly have permission.

How soon can you start?

- Right away, the rocket ship is all fueled and ready.

Joan, call Hank and tell him to get the jets warmed up, we leave right away.

I want to get started before there's any chance of the news leaking out so Retik won't be waiting for us when we get there.

(light orchestral music) - Well boys, that's it.

I hope this trip is as easy as your last one.

- Thanks, it should be.

- Bye.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye, sir.

- Hiya folks, here we go again.

- Hello Hank, all set?

- Any time now.

- Safety belts fastened.

Fire pilot jets.

(jets rumbling) Fire main jet.

We're at full speed, Hank.

Set a course for the moon.

- Right.

(suspenseful orchestral music) - Take over here, will you Ted?

We're just about here.

We ought to be down to another two hours.

I can see the city now.

We don't want to get too close, so swing west, Hank and head to that same canyon.

- Okay.

- We're almost to the canyon now.

- Okay, I'll take her down.

- All right, set her down.

- You sure you don't me to go along?

- No, not this time.

This is just a scouting trip to try to find where they keep their lunarium.

- [Joan] How do you expect to do that?

- Well if I'm lucky, I'll be able to capture one of the moon men and get some information out of him.

(suspenseful orchestral music) Do you want me to cut off your air again?

- [Man] No, no.

- [Cody] Where is the lunarium stored?

- [Man] I will tell you.

- Think I'll pass?

- Sure, you'll pass all right if that joker told the truth.

- He wasn't in any position to lie very well.

Now it's just lucky I picked out one of the men who guard the lunarium.

- if we're gonna get there in time for you to take his place, we'd better hurry.

(suspenseful orchestral music) - [Ted] It's a little after nine, I'll go right in.

You find a place to hide and watch for me to come out.

- [Cody] Okay.

- [Man] It's about time you got here.

- [Ted] I was delayed.

(laser blasting) - [Cody] You've got it.

- [Ted] Yes.

It's so heavy it's going to take us a week to lug it back to the ship.

(engine rumbling) Get out of sight, quick.

(suspenseful orchestral music) Come on.

- [Man] Patrol number six reporting.

That is all, very well.

This is patrol number six, somebody stole my car.

Send another one quickly.

- [Cody] How's the fuel pressure?

- [Man] Seems okay.

(suspenseful orchestral music) - [Ted] Make all the speed you can.

There he is.

Let's try for a near miss, that might stop him.

(explosion booming) - [Cody] What was that?

- [Ted] A ray gun blast.

See what's behind us.

- [Cody] There's another car chasing us.

We'd better use our gun.

- [Ted] I've got to turn around to do it.

There's a bunch of rocks ahead that will give us some shelter.

We'll wait until we get there.

- [Cody] He's heading for some rocks, we have to stop them.

(explosion booming) - [Ted] That's our B pressure line, we're stuck.

- [Cody] I'll say we are.

- [Ted] Pressure's down to nothing.

I can fix this if I have time.

Fly out to try to stop them with your grenades - [Cody] Okay.

They've stopped behind a rock, but I think I can blast them.

(explosion booming) (air hissing) (dramatic orchestral music) - I know it's doubtful, but I hope you enjoyed that.

We're, of course, still waiting for El Sapo to return with tonight's movie.

There's no way of knowing where he's gone or what could've happened to him.

He probably saw a leaf floating in a drainage flow and chased it into a sewer, again.

- Hey, Boss.

Hey, Mittens.

I think I did good this time.

What if I told you guys I could find a movie with the guy who did the voice of Smaug in "The Hobbit"?

- I would say you're a liar, a lazy, shiftless liar.

There's no way you found a movie starring Benedict Cumberbatch in our vault.

- Oh, no no no, not that guy.

The other "Hobbit" movie.

- What other one?

You mean that old Rankin/Bass "Hobbit" cartoon?

- Oh yes, Richard Boone.

He played Smaug in the 1977 animated TV version of "The Hobbit", and we have a movie with him in it, according to the label on the can.

- Wait, you mean the Richard Boone?

- Yep.

- Well, actually Richard Boone was a pretty good actor.

I mean, he's no Jim Neighbors, but he's not bad.

He was in a lot of westerns.

You know what, I'm actually in the mood for a good western.

What movie did you get?

"The Alamo"?

- No, no.

- "Big Jake"?

- No.

- "The Shootist"?

- Nope, and that was your last guess.

I got this one.

(sighing) - "I Bury the Living".

This is no western.

This film came out in 1958 and was directed by Albert Brand.

- Not ringing any bells with that name, boss.

- Brand was at best a mid-level director, mostly movies no one has ever really heard of, like 1977's "Dracula's Dog", 1964's "Massacre at Grand Canyon", and 1987's "Ghoulies 2".

- I can't say I've heard of any of those movies, boss.

- Well, few people can.

He was much more successful as a producer, having overseen such B-movie classics as "Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn", "Honey, I Blew up the Kid", and "Curse of the Puppet Master" just to name a few.

- Well, that is quite the impressive resume.

Does this film star anyone good?

- Unbelievable, it does.

It's got Theodore Bikel, who you've no doubt seen in films like "The Defiant Ones" and "My Fair Lady", as well as countless TV shows.

It also stars Herbert Anderson, who's best known as the dad in the "Dennis the Menace" TV show.

- Wow, those guys are great.

This could be the best movie we have ever shown.

Herbert Anderson is great in everything.

- No, he isn't.

I'm guessing you've never even heard of him until I told you his name.

Don't try to dance your way out of this one, monkey boy.

You've once again saddled us with us with a very bad movie.

- Well, tell me this, is there anyone in this movie worth our time?

Anyone at all?

- Well, it's got Howard Smith.

You'll know him when you see him.

He's got a face that suggests someone upstairs has a very very odd sense of humor.

It also stars veteran character actor, Glen Vernon in an uncredited role.

Some of you might recognize him from "So I Married an Axe Murderer" and he also played a character called Grandpa Hillbilly on "The Ben Stiller Show" once.

And that's about it.

So without further ado, let's get into the 1958 trainwreck, "I Bury the Living" here on Nightmare Theatre.

(static hissing) (suspenseful orchestral music) - [Andy] Welcome, sir.

Welcome to the Immortal Hills.

- [Robert] Thank you.

- So, by way of making you feel right at home, Bobby, Mr. Chairman.

Come on, sir, after you.

This is your place, now, you know?

- Of course.

- It isn't as if you was any stranger, here, Bob?

- But somehow this place all looks different to me, like I never saw it before.

Well, I never had to.

It's cold as an icebox in here.

- Oh, that thing hasn't a worked in years.

Cement halls, the wet, you know makes the air a wee bit brisk, you see.

Won't bother you none once you get down to work.

- Well, I'm not sworn in, yet.

- Oh, that's only for show, son.

Now, let me see if I've got the list of committee men right.

First, Chairman Robert Kraft, yourself.

Now, Mr. Honeggar, treasurer, your uncle George, secretary, and of course, Mr. Trowbridge, and Mr. Bates, making five in all, right?

- Right.

- You canna find me at any time.

My dwelling's straight across the boulevard, opposite the gate.

Makes it nice, living so close to my work.

Now, would you like to see the site, sir, give the roof a change to catch the heat?

- Mm-hmm.

- If you'd like to make a tour, it's a bit warmer outside.

- That's quite a map.

- Oh, yes sir, that's a map of the entire cemetery down to the wee-est speck of dust.

Here we are, and here's my shed with the rose stone, and there's the gate you come in?

- Certainly kept it up to date, there's the new mausoleum on here, already.

- Aye, oh yes, sir.

This map's going to be a big help to you, Bobby.

Suppose you've got a customer and you want to know what ground we can show him, this is where the map comes in.

One look, and quick as a wink, you know who's where and what's what.

It's them pins that makes it so easy.

The black ones stand for the ones that is already there, and the white ones for them as has made their arrangements for the future.

Now, for example, here's my place.

Lovely, isn't she, Bob?

Well, sun in the morning, but, eh, gets those trees to give shade in the afternoon heat.

- McKee, you've been on this job now, 40 years, right?

- Aye.

- Well, I guess the committee's right, it's high time we retired you.

Nothing to worry, full pension.

You draw the same check every month.

- I'm to be paid for nothing from now on?

- No, you're going to be paid for 40 years of devotion, and that's something.

Anyone in mind to replace you?

- Oh aye, I hadn't a given it much thought, sir, but uh, why, there must be plenty of young and hard muscled toffs would give their right teeth for my shoes.

It's a lovely place to work.

You're outside near Mother Earth.

- Well, let me know if you find somebody.

- Oh aye, I will.

- Yes sir, that's quite a map.

(ominous orchestral music) - Pardon me, sir, I just wanted to show you where we keep this, in case of emergencies.

No need to worry, though, we haven't had none, yet.

(car approaching) Oh, are you expecting visitors, sir?

- No, but that sounds like Stu Drexel.

- Oh aye!

Drexel and pretty Beth Farris.

I heard they was promised.

- [Robert] Looks like they're hitched.

(laughing) - She finally caught me, Bob.

- Bethie, many happy returns for the day.

Stu, that's a great place you picked for a honeymoon.

- Oh, marriage has made me conservative.

How about it, Mrs. D?

Can I carry you over the threshold?

- [Elizabeth] I still don't think it's a very funny.

I think it's positively awful, if you really want to know the truth.

- Aww Bethie, don't be that way.

- What's the trouble?

- How would you like to get a cemetery plot for a wedding gift?

- Now Bethie, you know Bob never meant it for a present.

It's just a formal legal sort of thing.

You see, Dad left part of my inheritance in trust for when I got married.

One of the provisions was that myself and my wife had first class accommodations here the Immortal Hills.

Doesn't cost us a cent, but we have to buy the plots before the bank will let me have the cash.

You know Dad, he never did consider me much on responsibility.

- [Robert] He was a very smart man.

- Oh aye, that he was.

And though a bonny bride should have her thoughts far from doom, it's a lucky girl whose father-in-law provides from the beyond for the future.

- Isn't he sweet?

- Thanks, Scotty.

Bob, give us a couple near the old man, will ya'?

And call up Owens at the bank in the morning so I can cash a check.

- [Elizabeth] I don't think it's funny at all.

(bell ringing) - From the last administration, sir.

Folks get a wee bit rocky when they come out here, sometimes.

Best to be prepared.

Down the hatch.

- Thank you.

- Oh, over here, that's where the Drexel bunch is.

Ah, I say you'll love it out here, Bobby.

It's a fine, and green, and lovely place, a fine place to slip away from the cares of the world, slip away and live a wee bit.

(ominous orchestral music) - As retiring chairman of the Immortal Hill Cemetery Management Committee-- - George, I haven't-- - Shh.

- It is now my very great pleasure to announce - I don't even-- - Shh!

- The appointment of Robert Kraft, President of Kraft Department Store-- - Now George, don't shush me, you railroaded me into this.

- Now, wait a minute, Bob.

It's your turn.

Last year was his turn.

The year before it was mine.

Nobody refuses to take the chairmanship.

Pardon us, Henry.

- President of Kraft Department Store-- - Why?

Why?

- Nobody ever has.

It's just not done, son.

- Well, can you give me one good reason why I should take over the management of a whole big cemetery when I'm up to my neck in my own business?

- As return-- - Hold it.

Of course I can.

Tradition, particularly for us Krafts.

You always hop on dignity, honor, prestige.

Well, how do you think we got it?

Because your great grandfather, your grandfather, and your father served on every community project, board, and committee that was ever created.

They served for free, but they did it for business.

That's what fine family has to doing in this town, and you can't refuse to do it without losing a lot of respect from our customers.

- And another thing, it's just not done.

- Well, pass me over 'til next year.

I'm up to my ears.

- Bob, do you realize you're talking about only a few hours a month, at the most?

McKee, the caretaker, handles everything.

All you do is show up once a week and sign the checks.

- It's getting late, George-- - Proceed, Henry.

- Raise you right hand.

- Well, what about Bill Honeggar?

- Raise your right hand.

Do you, Robert Kraft, swear to discharge the duties and responsibilities of this office faithfully and completely, to the utmost of your abilities?

- I do.

- Congratulations, Bob.

- So long, Henry - Thanks, Mr. Trowbridge.

Thank you, uncle George.

- Uh, okay, Miss Lane, you can put through his call, now.

- Thank you, Mr. Watson, I'll ring him for you now.

- Hello.

There's a guy named Watson on the phone, says it's urgent, do you know him?

- Of Olds and Watson?

Olds and Watson, you know.

- Oh, the undertaker, swell.

Hello.

Well, thank you very much, Mr. Watson, I'll do the best job I can.

Yes, sir.

Oh, you're kidding.

Well sir, don't worry about it.

I'll take care of myself.

I'll be there within an hour.

Yes, sir, thank you.

Well, what about this ad?

- [Robert] Have to wait, I'm sorry.

- Well now, call McKee.

You don't have to go up there every time.

- This is different.

- Somebody prominent?

- Stu Drexel and his wife.

- Stu and Bethie?

No.

- Hi.

- Hi, Jessup.

McKee, this is Mr. Jessup at the Milford Herald.

- Hi.

- Jessup, Jess, oh, the west slope, between the Pattersons and the Finleys.

- [Robert] What else is new?

- You were my big news for the day.

Asked about plans for the coming year, Kraft revealed the Immortal Hills will install a drive-in bar to stimulate additional trade.

I'm stuck with the obituary detail.

Boy, it's cold in here.

- McKee, let's get that heat on.

Not later tomorrow.

We'd better get ready for the internment.

- Aye, that will be done, sir.

- And you'd better change the Drexel pins, black instead of white.

- Oh, they already got black pins, sir.

- [Robert] Oh, who changed them?

- Well now, the last I remember was the very day they come out here to give you the order, and you stuck in two pins.

- I guess that's right.

I must have picked up the wrong color.

- Hmm?

(ominous orchestral music) - [Robert] Oh nothing, it's just a little weird, that's all.

- What?

- Well, the kids came out here right after they tied the knot.

They bought a couple of plots.

Stu was complying with some technicality in his trust, and it was all very cute.

We had a couple of laughs, and afterwards, I jabbed two pins in the map, white pins, I thought, just make it official.

Now here, today, they've been killed, and the maps had them on the black list all the time.

- Okay, so what?

- Oh nothing.

It just made me feel a little eerie, that's all.

- I think he means he marked the young couple for death, sir.

- Yeah, I guess that was it.

That must have been the feeling I had.

Boy, it's funny what will go through a guy's mind, isn't it?

- Do me a favor, McKee, if he starts fooling around with those pins again, be sure he stays away from the west slope, between the Pattersons and the Finleys.

- [Andy] Indeed I will, sir.

- [Jess] Hi, Annie.

What are you out here?

- I had a luncheon date, but I was stood up.

- [Jess] I know a nice little place down the street.

- I just might take you up on that.

- I won't hold my breath.

- Oh, George told me about Beth and Stuart, and I just had to see you.

Made me think how lucky we are, just to be alive and together.

- Oh, Anne, this is Mr. McKee.

This is Miss Craig, my fiancee, Andy.

- How do you do?

- Miss.

Would you be wanting me for anything else, Bobby?

- No thanks, Andy.

- Bob?

- Hmm?

- What's wrong?

- Oh, nothing.

I'm just a little depressed, that's all, but you'll take care of that.

Ann, I kept wishing we could keep our appointment.

- Oh, rendezvous, if you don't mind.

You're gray flannel is showing.

Actually, do you know what made me turn around and come here instead of going home?

- Mm-mm.

- Well, I was driving along, feeling rejected, and then all the sudden, I saw you very clearly in my mind.

Bob, it's just that you're too attractive.

After all, President of a department store and in charge of the Immortal Hills?

- Irresistible.

(chuckling) - I saw and I heard you.

Lunch time, Annie.

That's what you said, distinctly.

- Lunch time, Annie.

Oh, I can do better than that, I hope.

- Oh, you did.

You said, I want you, and I need you, and a whole lot of lovely things I'd be embarrassed to repeat.

- Yeah.

You know, just about the time you were seeing me.

I had you on my mind.

- That's amazing.

- No, I mean it.

And I don't blame you for not wanting to repeat what I was thinking.

- Oh, we'd better go to lunch.

Or get married.

Or I can just as easily join Jessup at that little spot down the road he spoke of.

- We regret, the management does not permit exchanges once the merchandise has been purchased.

- Then I'll freshen up.

(ominous orchestral music) (phone ringing) - Immortal Hills, Kraft.

Hi, Carl.

No, terrible.

No, I'm sorry, the funeral's been confined to the immediate family.

Yeah, all right, Carl, I'll see you later.

- No, n-- - Mmm, you're right.

- What?

- You're right, we are lucky to, lucky to be alive.

We have each other.

Come on.

(ominous orchestral music) (door clicking) (light chiming music) (suspenseful orchestral music) (gasping) - Hello, and welcome back to those of you still with us.

El Sapo has once again provided us with a thoroughly terrible movie.

I know it's hard to get through this film and I appreciate your commitment to making it to the end.

- Boss, I've been thinking.

- Okay, here we go.

- I'm serious.

This movie is not as bad as you make it out to be and I can prove it.

- Oh, I know, it's worse.

- But it does have some redeeming qualities.

Stephen King himself mentions it in a short story called "The Bazaar of Bad Dreams".

- Where did you find a book and furthermore, where did you learn to read?

- I borrowed it from Mittens and I can sound things out pretty good these days.

Actually, I listened to the book on tape, but the machine ate it, so Mittens helped me memorize the words, so it will look like I am ready.

- Okay, professor, what does the great Stephen King say about this movie?

- He found it very inspirational, boss.

He talks about "I Bury the Living" and how it influenced his short story, "Obits", when he says, "I was thinking of that movie when I wrote this story."

So, there you go.

Points for me!

This movie influenced the great Stephen King.

- Okay, game on.

How long is this movie?

- I believe you'll find it is 76 minutes long.

- Even though it seems like it's eight hours long, you're right.

So, we know the movie is 76 minutes long, and what else does King say about this movie?

Continue reading on that same page over here.

- I don't think I can quite make out the rest-- - Sapo.

- Okay, let me see.

He's talking about movies he watched and he saw on TV and how editing them for TV made them so they didn't scare him.

He says, "One film I saw on TV, however, did the job, at least the first hour or so of its 76-minute runtime did."

- Go on.

- This is a word I can't pronounce.

"The denouement wrecked the whole thing, and to this day, I wish someone would remake it and carry it to it's hair-raising premise right there through the end.

That film has perhaps the best horror movie title of all time, ‘I Bury the Living".

- So, the very source you quote to defend the movie actually says he wishes someone would remake the movie and make it better.

You see, Sapo, it's just a bad movie and it's only going to get worse.

Just admit it, you brought us a very bad movie.

- Well, we can at least agree that it has a great title.

- Great titles don't make great movies, Sapo.

See, even a movie with a great title and a reasonably good actor can be bad, really bad.

I'd expect you to know that by now.

We're gonna have a long talk soon.

Look folks, I don't wanna do it either, but why don't we get back to "I Bury the Living" here on Nightmare Theatre.

♪ Hey, ho ♪ Nobody home ♪ Ain't no drink or money ♪ Have I none ♪ So, I will (car door slamming) Hey!

Bobby!

(humming) Ah, I picked this Drexel stone for glass, fine, and rich, and swirly.

I'm a granite man, myself.

Bobby!

Bobby, I've got a surprise for you.

- You found your replacement.

- Oh well, no, no, not yet, but I'm scouting the countryside.

This is far sweeter.

This is what I call getting things done.

- Oh McKee, you should have been an executive.

(laughing) - Ah, hey, best take off your coat, Bobby.

You'll be getting over heated.

Should be quiet this week, only one passing.

Now, if you'll just sign these.

- Let's get rid of these flowers.

- Oh aye, they smell a wee bit sickly.

I was hoping to keep them for the burial this afternoon.

- Oh, you need much help?

- [Andy] Oh, no.

This is just an average funeral.

They don't come like the Drexel doings every day, thank the Lord.

(ominous orchestral music) - McKee, this bill for W. Isham, what's it for?

- Well, he's the lot for this afternoon, Bobby.

Oh, no need to look so sad.

Will Isham was the same aged lad as me.

Oh, there's something that I've been meaning to tell you.

Mighty queer, it strikes me, Bob.

I went to the map just after we got the news to change Will Isham's pin to black.

It was already black.

Looks like there might be something creepy up with that map, changing pin colors, without human assistance, no less.

- I changed Mr. Isham's pin, Andy.

- [Andy] You, but Bob, you haven't a been here since he died.

- Jessup, please.

I know, I changed his pin before he died, not after.

Jess, this is Bob Kraft.

Can you come over here right away?

No, I'm at the cemetery.

- That map's nothing but an old piece of paper hanging on the wall.

All you do when you stick pins in it is to make holes in the paper.

White pins, black pins, safety pins, it doesn't make any difference, see?

Well look, it's unfortunate that it worked out this way, but coincidences are part of everyday life.

Some are funny, some are pretty odd, but this one isn't even good enough to make the back page of the shopping news.

That's all it is, Bob, coincidence.

- Yeah.

You're right, Jess, thanks.

- That's okay.

Sometimes when I've tied on a real head-bender, you can do the same for me.

What's your trouble?

- Well, nothing, but I've been through all this before, the grass, and the quiet, and that sound.

I never knew what it was.

It's the sound of a name being cut into a head stone.

- Yeah, I've, I heard of people who thought they'd been through the same bit before in their dreams.

I think it's even happened to me.

What would you say if I told you this happens to me regularly, ever since I was a child, sometimes as often as every other week.

- I'd say you were sensitive or exaggerating.

- Menswear Sportswear, 9280 gross, compared to 8500 at the same date last year.

- Hmm.

- Basement Sportswears.

- I'm going to call Bates, and Honeggar, and Trowbridge right now and tell them I'm quitting.

Don't worry, George, nothing drastic will happen to the store.

My mind's made up.

- You mean mixed up.

I've lived in Milton all my life, and I can't remember any man who ever let that place get the better of him.

Why, when I was chairman, I'll bet I stuck the wrong color pins in that thing a dozen times.

If I ran out of one color, I used the other.

You've only been down there a couple of times.

- George, I put black pins in the map for the Drexel couple the day they were killed.

Now, I didn't think anything of it at the time.

And then I took a white pin out of the map, quite at random, and I put a black pin in its place, and today I find out the old man it belonged to died during the week.

(laughing) - Bob, that's terrible.

For heaven's sake, Bob, everybody loves a ghost story.

Where's you sense of humor?

You don't really believe that stuff you're telling me, do you?

- No.

But I still think that I may be learning something about myself.

Where are you going?

- Oh, I think I'll just take a run out to the cemetery.

- What for?

- Sounds like it might be fun.

After all, I've been trying to find some way to wipe out our competition for years.

- Good night, George.

(door clicking) - You want to take my car?

- All right.

- Hello, and welcome back to Nightmare Theatre.

This is some film, isn't it?

- I think it's quite good, actually.

- You would think that, wouldn't you?

- Well, you know what, Dr. Smart Guy?

I went back into the library and I found another Stephen King book, and he praises this movie in his book called Danse Mac, Mac, Maca, how do you say that word, boss?

- Macabre.

- Yes, that one.

See, on page 179, he has a list of the top 20 scariest movies of all time.

- That's not what the list means, El Sapo.

- I am looking right at it.

Number 16, "I Bury the Living".

There you go, game, set, match, El Sapo scores!

Circle gets the square.

Woo-hoo!

- Sapo, King describes 20 films and then asks you to guess the film based on the description.

Then he provides the answer.

Yes, number 16 on the list is "I Bury the Living".

- Woo-hoo!

- But what description does he provide for the movie?

- I'm not sure I can make that out.

That page is missing.

I think somebody must've torn that one out.

- Sapo, read it out loud.

(sighing) - Okay, he says, "Once upon a time, there was a caretaker who discovered that if he put black pins into the vacant plots in his cemetery map--" - Go on.

- "The people who owned those plots, would die, But when he took out those black pins and put in the white pins, do you know what happened?

The movie turned into a big pile of --" I don't think we can say that word on TV.

- No, we can't, can we?

See, Stephen King agrees.

This movie is bad.

- But he's from Maine, though.

Maybe that word has a different meaning up there?

- It doesn't.

Sapo, this illustrates a problem I have been wanting to talk with you about for some time.

You don't follow through.

You read one page but not the others.

You never finish things.

You're all potato and no mash.

We're gonna have a long talk about this.

Folks, let's get back to the movie Stephen King himself called a word we can't say out loud here on Nightmare Theatre.

- [Andy] Won't be but a moment, sir.

- [Robert] Now, don't bother, McKee, I think I've got it.

- Oh, that'll be all, McKee.

- Is everything all right, Bob?

- [Robert] We'll see you later, Andy.

- Well, the place hasn't changed a bit since I was chairman.

A few more pins in the map.

- [Robert] Black ones.

- White ones, too.

Sit down and relax, Bob.

I think I can get this whole thing cleared up for you.

- [Robert] What are you going to do?

- I'm going to convince you that there's nothing out here to worry about.

- George, let's forget this.

- Uh, Bob, I said I'm just going to convince you.

- Well, George, suppose you took Henry Trowbridge's white pin out and put a black one in its place, and tomorrow morning he turned up dead.

- There's not a chance.

- Well, I know not a chance, but suppose by some weird coincidence, it happened.

Now, it's happened to me three times, already.

- I deal strictly in facts, son.

I don't go for this coincidence bunk.

But if Henry Trowbridge even looks a little peaked tomorrow, you can resign, and I'll back you up.

Now, Henry Trowbridge let me see if I remember.

- George, I just mentioned, Henry as an example.

Now, you're not gonna use him.

- Why, Henry's as good a choice as anybody, considering he directly preceded you as committee chairman.

- Wait a minute, George.

You, uh, better let me put the pin in.

If you do the honors and nothing happens, it won't be quite as conclusive.

- By all means, let's not diverge from the established pattern.

But I'll have you know, I was no slouch when it came to pinning the tail on the donkey when I was a kid.

Oh, ah, no reflection on Henry.

Go ahead, Bob.

(ominous orchestral music) - You better call Henry and tell him what we did.

- Eh, he'd only think we were kidding.

- No, he'd believe you.

- Then he'd cull my position, and he'd reserve a nice quiet room for me at Providence Hospital.

Let's keep this quiet, my boy.

Henry can't complain.

After all, if his term had run a week or so longer, he might be having the willies instead of you.

(laughing) (door clicking) (line ringing) - [Mrs. Trowbridge] Hello.

- Hello, Mrs. Trowbridge, this is Bob Kraft.

What are you doing up so late?

Uh, nothing serious, I just meant to call Henry earlier, and, uh, it slipped my mind.

Uh, put him on, will you?

Oh, he's watching the movie and enjoying it?

Uh, ask him to call me back during the commercial.

- [Mrs. Trowbridge] No, no, Bob, just hold on and I'll get him.

He's upstairs reading in bed, but I'm sure he's not asleep.

- Well, I hate to disturb him.

- [Mrs. Trowbridge] You just hold a while, Bob.

(ominous orchestral music) (Mrs. Trowbridge sobbing) - Hello, Henry?

(sobbing) - [Mrs. Trowbridge] Well, he, he's not breathing, Bob.

I've got to call a doctor.

- I understand.

I'll hang up right away.

(phone line clicking) I'm terribly sorry.

♪ Hey, ho nobody home ♪ People don't call me - Wait here, this won't take long.

Morning!

- [Andy] How do you do, sir?

- Well, I don't understand it.

Jess said he'd be here in 20 minutes.

(door clicking) Lieutenant Clayborne.

- [Clayborne] So that's it, huh?

Sure big enough.

And the black pins, eh?

- We're particularly concerned with these four, Isham, and the Drexel couple, and now Trowbridge.

- Let me get a straight, Mr. Kraft, you say that every time you stick a black pin in the map, people turn up dead?

- That's right.

Well, go ahead, Lieutenant, you think I'm a crackpot, and I hope you're right.

I just want to prove it beyond a reasonable doubt.

- Stuart and Elizabeth Drexel, DOA, Emergency Receiving Hospital, result of highway collision.

Will Isham, cause of death, cerebral hemorrhage, Henry Trowbridge, coronary thrombosis.

Well, the rule is this, where no evidence of homicide exists on initial investigation, the matter will be dropped.

Investigated, found nothing, sorry.

Jessup.

- [Jess] What's new?

Or should I say, real?

- Nothing like murder, if that's what you're after.

- I'm sorry Bob saw fit to disturb you, Lieutenant.

- No harm done.

What do you make of it, Jess?

- I keep telling him, it's just coincidence.

- Yeah.

If I were you, Mr. Kraft, I'd take a week or two off, take it easy.

You'll forget all about it.

If you're gonna use the story, kindly refrain from mentioning my name.

- I know.

Lieutenant Clayborne, with an E on the end.

(door clicking) - Boy, I didn't think four deaths could appear so flimsy to a policeman.

- You never should have called the police.

Clayborne's one of the best, any other guy might have looked for big, heavy book to throw at you.

- Yeah maybe you're right.

On the other hand, maybe that thing's dangerous, really dangerous.

Or maybe the element of danger's in a man, in me.

- Bob.

- Is there something different about me, Jess?

I'm really beginning to wonder.

- Hey buddy, if there is anything to this map, don't go blaming it on nameless forces.

Maybe somebody's trying to scare you.

Could be you got an enemy or two?

- Hello, and welcome back to Nightmare Theatre.

We hope you're enjoying "I Bury the Living".

Speaking of things I'd like to bury, El Sapo?

- Yes, boss?

- I didn't wanna do this publicly, but we're gonna have a talk.

I really can't put this off any longer.

It's that time of year again.

- It's Jim Nabors' birthday again?

I'm not ready!

- No, that's not for a few months.

But that is sort of what I want to talk to you about.

You being prepared for things.

It's annual job evaluation time.

We need to address a few items.

- Uh-oh.

- Now, let me start here.

Let me start with you general appearance.

Perhaps a bath once a month or so is in order.

- I can do that, boss, no problem.

- All right, and maybe you could wash that suit once or twice a year?

- I got me a gallon jug of Febreze, boss.

No problem.

- Okay, okay, good.

But the main problem here is your lack of attention to detail, your follow-through as it were.

Sometimes I question your commitment to the needs and mission Von Doren Enterpises and its subsidiary companies.

- Hey, I kept my mouth shut during that Senate investigation into your line of "vitamins and energy supplements"!

- And I certainly appreciate that.

It kept us all out of jail.

But it doesn't change the fact that you're more than often not prepared.

- I can do better, boss, I promise.

- And I can help you do better.

In fact, I've created this job board to help you.

- Wow.

- It will, you know, I'm gonna deduct the cost of materials a little out of your paycheck, but it has jobs on it, and as you complete them, you take the pin from the pending section and you place it in the completed section.

- Wow!

- Is that easy?

It's really easy!

- Even I can do this.

- Yeah, even you can follow this.

I really hope you can.

You're gonna have to shape up, El Sapo.

As it stands right now, only something amazing can save you from getting the ax.

- Something amazing, eh?

- Yes.

- Like if I were to, I don't know, save your life or something?

- Now, that's not likely to happen and if I were you, and thank goodness I'm not, I'd focus on completing the tasks on this board.

- Okay.

- The tasks are simple and the process is easy.

Just follow the board.

- That is brilliant, boss!

- It's elementary, actually.

Look here, see where it says "Have movie ready"?

- Right here?

- Yeah, all you have to do is put the pin in when you have the movie ready.

It's easy, right?

- Well, it sure sounds like it and I enjoy sticking pins into things.

- Well, that's good.

So, let's get back to the movie.

And while these folks watch, why don't you get to work on the job board.

- I'll do that.

- See what tasks can be done for today.

Be productive for once.

- Sounds good, boss.

I promise to do better!

- I'm not gonna hold my breath.

But I do hope you make an effort to improve yourself, El Sapo.

Folks, while he works on himself, let's get back to "I Bury the Living" here on Nightmare Theatre.

- Not gonna rule out saving your life though, boss.

- [Robert] Somebody using your desk, George?

- Oh, he came in to keep me company, darling.

- [Robert] That was very sweet of him.

- Oh darling, you must be dead tired.

- I'm all right.

- No sleep, and then to have to go back out there-- - I'm all right!

- There's no crime in needing a good rest.

- George, I've got some correspondence to take care of.

- I've already taken care of your mail, and I took the liberty of making reservations for you.

Flight 33 leaving for Miami at 5:45.

My pal, Sanford, owns one of the finest hotels-- - George, thanks anyway.

There's nothing I'd rather do, but I can't possibly go now.

- Bob, I gave you my word.

If anything happens with Henry, you could resign.

I talked to Charlie and Bill Honeggar, and they understand completely.

It's all fixed, son.

- The situation's changed.

Until this thing's cleared up, I'm not about to resign.

- Oh.

- Now, will you tell the others?

Ask them to meet me here in my office, 7:30 tonight.

- It's awfully short notice.

- But he can't just ignore what's happened.

- I guess you're right.

- [Ann] Darling.

- Ann, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to snap at you.

- [Ann] Ah, now why can't you resign?

- Well, because well, possibly something real, unreal, I don't know, it waiting to kill one of us every time I jab a black pin into that map.

- Bob, you're talked about Henry Trowbridge.

The poor man died of a heart attack.

Heart disease is the country's number one killer.

- Maybe not in Milford.

- [Ann] Oh, Bob, you can't mean that that map is literally killing people.

- No, Ann, maybe it isn't the map.

- [Ann] Well-- - [Robert] What about the other day?

You saw me, you heard me, lunch time, Annie, I want you, I need you.

- Bob, I was obviously trying to bring a little, a little romance into our very dull and dismal lives.

- No, Ann, don't try to deny it, now.

- I do deny it!

Bob, I love you I'm, I'm not in any sort of occult thrall to you.

Hey, can't you take a joke?

All right, then I was lying to you.

Does that bring you back to reality again?

Bob?

I think we'd better take advantage of, of those plane tickets.

George's Mr. Sanford could be best man.

- The offer's awfully attractive.

- I love you so much.

- Ann, if you're gonna cry, do it someplace else.

(door slamming) - Now Bob, it's real simple.

We're willing to play ball with you.

If you want to remain chairman of this committee, we wouldn't think of trying to dissuade you, because we have confidence in you, full confidence.

- All the confidence in the world, Bob.

- Now, all we want before we break this up, is a promise from you, Mr. Chairman, that before you turn in tonight, you'll go out to the cemetery, now let me finish.

You'll go out there, and change my white pin to black, Charlie's, and George's, just as simple as that.

And then go home and go right to bed.

- No, sir.

- You're not the committee, Bob.

You're only our chairman with a duty to carry out the will of the majority.

We feel that you should do as Bill said, because it will put an end to this business once and for all.

Otherwise we'll do the resigning right here and now.

- Well, let me sleep on it.

Let's all sleep on it.

I don't think you people realize what might be involved, here.

- Motion defeated, tonight.

- Well, your devotion to the principle of majority rule moves me deeply.

Okay, and good night.

(suspenseful orchestral music) All right, Charlie.

Here goes nothing, George.

(knocking on door) Who is it?

- It's me, Bobby.

Open up.

I seen your car lights from my window, driving through the gate, so I come running.

- [Robert] You needn't have bothered, McKee.

You put a full day already, now I'll see you tomorrow.

- No, no, no.

Bobby, please, Bobby listen.

When you locked and bolted this place, I said to myself, now there's a man who knows his business.

That's what I said.

You may not know everything, what's behind it, but he knows when a thing's to be fooled with and when it's to be left alone.

There's nothing to fear with a man like Bobby Kraft at the tiller, that's what I said.

- [Robert] Well, that's fine, now, you run along home and don't worry about a thing.

Nothing's going to happen to you.

- No, no, please, Bob, you lock this door again, and send yourself home, or else who can answer for what may happen to the whole miserable lot of us.

- [Robert] It'll have to be open sometime.

If I don't do it, they'll get somebody who will.

Now, good night, Andy.

(phone ringing) Good night.

Andy, go home.

- [Jess] Hello?

Is this the Immortal Hills Cemetery?

- What do you want, Jess?

- [Jess] Bob?

Why didn't you answer me?

I've been looking all over town for you?

I'm calling from your place, now.

What are you doing at the cottage, again?

Haven't you had enough for one day?

- Jess, I think I've done something terribly wrong.

- [Jess] For the love of Pete, what are you talking about?

- Well, we had a meeting, the Cemetery Committee, after closing, tonight, Bill Honeggar, Charlie Bates, and George, everybody, and they voted to make me come out here to the cemetery and stick black pins in the map for each of them, just like it was some kid's nightmare.

So I did it.

Jess, there's a black pin in that map for Charlie Bates, and Bill Honeggar, and George.

And if anything happens to them, to any of them, it's my fault, nobody else's.

- [Jess] Nothing's going to happen to them, Bob.

As a matter of fact, I think they did you a big favor.

I've never heard of a coincidence involving three people dying all at once.

By tomorrow at this time, this whole big worry of yours will be nothing but a lot of hot air.

- Yeah, all right, hope you're right, Jess.

I guess there's nothing for me to do but see this thing through.

- I think I'll check on them myself and see, Bob?

(phone cradle clicking) Bob?

Honeggar, Bates, and George.

- Hello, and welcome back to Nightmare Theatre.

I know you aren't enjoying it, but I'm duty-bound to say I hope you're enjoying "I Bury the Living".

Now, Sapo, what's the deal with all these clothes?

- I'm not sure, boss.

I swear I folded all the clothes today.

- Well, that's pretty odd.

- Well, I'm pretty sure I did.

Hey, wait, let me check the job board.

Yep yep yep, this section has a pin in it.

I guess after I folded all the laundry up, someone came behind me and unfolded it and made it dirty again!

- Hmmm.

Now, you wouldn't be just changing pins on the board, would ya?

- Oh.

What?

No, no, not me, boss.

I'd never do that.

- It's just odd.

The pin has clearly been moved as if someone thought moving the pin would suddenly make the job finished.

- Wow, we have a mystery on our hands.

Mittens, did you unfold all these clothes?

Well, maybe it was that weird guy from downstairs.

Maybe he came up here and shuffled everything around.

I'm stumped.

I guess it's just one of those things.

Wow.

So, how's the movie going?

Did the army heed the elves' warning and respond to the UFO onslaught in time?

- What are you even talking about?

- See, I was so busy working and doing my chores that I didn't have time to follow the movie.

In fact, I've been working so hard, I forgot what movie we were showing tonight.

It's something about a ghost on a train, right?

- No, it's not about a ghost on a train.

I don't like to call anyone a liar, El Sapo, but if the shoe fits-- - Shoes, shoes, shoes.

I just checked the job board and I'm not supposed to shine your shoes for another few days.

- Okay, listen, I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt.

You say you did the laundry, yet clearly the laundry hasn't been done.

Stranger things have happened and strange things always tend to happen whenever you're around.

Now, I can't hide it.

I'm disappointed, but I hope you're taking this job board in the spirit in which it was intended.

Anyway, let's get back to "I Bury the Living" here on Nightmare Theatre.

(ominous orchestral music) (dial tone humming) (crickets chirping) (line ringing) - [Man] Yes.

- Lieutenant Clayborne, please.

- [Greer] Homicide.

This is homicide, Sergeant Greer.

- Uh, Lieutenant Clayborne, please.

- [Greer] Not here, can I take a message?

- Sergeant, uh, this is, uh, Bob Kraft, Kraft Department Store.

- [Greer] Oh, sure.

Hold on a second.

Hold a second, I'll check.

Ah, Mr. Kraft, are you calling on a police matter, or is this just something personal?

- Well, uh, it's a little bit of both, Sergeant.

Try him at Adams, one, three, one, one.

- Thank you.

Adams, one, three, one, one.

(busy signal humming) (suspenseful orchestral music) Adams, one, three, one, one.

(busy signal humming) Adams, one, three, one, one.

(busy signal humming) Bill Honeggar, Adams, one, three, one, one.

Adams, one-- (suspenseful orchestral music) - [Man] Yes.

- Homicide.

- [Man] Yes, sir.

- [Greer] Homicide.

- This is Bob Kraft speaking.

I can't get through to that Adams number.

- [Greer] Bob?

- Clayborne's at that number, and it's imperative that I speak to him right now.

- [Greer] Well, sir, uh, just a second, sir.

I guess you're forwarding in on the line.

I'm trying to get you, but the line is busy.

Hang up and I'll call you back right away.

(phone ringing) - Something happened to Bill Honeggar?

Hello!

- [Jess] This is Jess, Bob.

- Jess, uh, I'm expecting a call from Clayborne.

Hang up.

Call me back in 10 minutes.

- [Jess] Clayborne's with me.

- Let me talk to him.

- [Jess] He's not here, now, he-- - What's wrong, Jess?

- [Jess] Bill Honeggar's dead.

As soon as I found out, I routed Clayborne out of the sack and filled him in on the whole wild story.

We were over at Honeggar's in 10 minutes with two squad cars detailed to cover Charlie Bates and your uncle.

- How did Honeggar get it?

- [Jess] He didn't.

That's the trouble.

- What?

- [Jess] The poor guy just dropped dead.

- Nothing out of the ordinary?

Bates?

Charlie Bates?

- [Jess] They found him in his apartment.

- Say it.

- [Jess] No homicide, just stopped breathing.

- George?

- [Jess] George, yeah, I called and told him about Honeggar before I left for Clayborne's.

By the time the police there, George had already left.

Oh, they'll find him, Bob, don't worry.

- I'll be waiting for word about George.

Let me know.

(suspenseful orchestral music) (door clicking) - Well, Bob, I see you followed our wishes to the letter.

Come on, now, I'll drive you home before you catch pneumonia.

- [Robert] You three men made a terrible contribution to this town, tonight, whether you meant to or not.

I'm not going anywhere, uncle George.

I'm staying right here.

- Well, uh, I'll admit that, uh, what with Charlie and Bill going so suddenly.

- [Robert] Charlie, and Bill, and Henry, and Isham, and Beth and Stu.

- Stop looking at the map.

- [Robert] You're looking at it.

I'm looking at you, and we're both waiting, aren't we uncle George, waiting to see if you escape.

- Escape dying?

Nobody escapes that, my boy.

- [Robert] The only question is, how long?

The only question is, does a man die in his own time or in the map's?

So far, everyone's been forced to conform to its schedule, everyone but you.

- That puts me back on schedule, my own schedule.

- [Robert] Well, if it makes you feel any better.

- Let me tell you something, from now on, if you want to see me, you're going to have to come down to the store.

I won't make another special trip on your account.

- [Robert] The next time I see you, George, we'll both be right here.

(suspenseful orchestral music) - [Man] Yes.

- Homicide - [Clayborne] Homicide.

- This is Robert Kraft out at Immortal Hills.

- [Clayborne] Clayborne speaking.

- Lieutenant, my uncle just left here.

I think under the circumstances, the least you can do is put a man on to watch over him, no matter how ridiculous the situation seems to you.

- [Clayborne] Thanks a lot, Mr. Kraft, we'll take care of it right away.

- He's wearing an overcoat over his robe and pajamas.

- [Clayborne] We put a description on the wire quite some time ago.

- Then you do think there's danger.

- [Clayborne] Sergeant, Kraft, George, driving east on Bunker Hill.

Towards final destination, near apartments.

We'll have your uncle safe inside of 10 minutes, Mr. Kraft.

You'll hear from me.

(suspenseful orchestral music) (phone ringing) (thunder crashing) (upbeat rock music) - [El Sapo] Okay, tell me again.

- Well, see, his name was Mork.

- Mork.

- And he was from the planet Ork.

- Ork, way out there.

- And he showed up on "Happy Days" first.

- "Happy Days" first, okay.

- But he used to sit on his head and people thought that-- (laughing) Well, see, you thought it was funny.

It's not really that funny.

Oh, hello, everyone.

Welcome back.

We're once again here in the sub-sub-sub-sub-basement of the television studio with the mysterious Curator and he's brought us another item from the amazing Merrill Movie Museum for us to look at tonight.

So, what do we have tonight, sir?

- So, I have a very cool piece of movie history.

This is something that you definitely usually don't see if you aren't involved in actually making a movie.

This is a call sheet.

A call sheet is what they use on the set to show when everybody's gotta be where they've gotta be and when they've gotta be there.

- [El Sapo] He just yells when he needs me.

- Right, right, but when there's more than three people in a show, they need to keep track of everybody.

So, this is a call sheet for the movie "Lifeboat", directed by Alfred Hitchcock in 1943.

It starred Tallulah Bankhead.

And so this was a document for a particular day of filming.

It was August 14th, 1943.

For everybody that needed to be on the set and needed to be there.

It's been framed with a lobby card for the film and even more interestingly, signed by the director himself, Alfred Hitchcock.

- [Baron] Wow.

- So, this is a piece of cinematic history.

- [Both] Absolutely.

- So, this would've been used actually on set and this directly from Hitchcock's hands basically.

- Right.

- That's pretty amazing stuff.

Does stuff like this get out often or is it kinda destroyed or-- - A lot of times it's just destroyed.

You do see it more frequent now that people have gotten wind of collect-ability and things like that.

It's a little easier to get a hold of things like call sheets nowadays, but from something this old, they're very hard to come by.

- And, of course, Hitchcock, one of the most prolific and well-respected directors in the history of cinema.

A guy who started out making films in England and then came to the United States and, of course, produced classics going back to things like, "Shadow of a Doubt" all the way up to, like the films that I think modern audiences are more familiar with like, "The Birds" and "Psycho" and things of that nature, that we still see all the time on classic movie channels and things like that.

So, he was definitely a very influential guy.

- Influential and revered and yet, somehow, underappreciated in his time.

Never won an Academy Award.

- [El Sapo] Neither did I.

- Which is absolutely shocking considering that he is the basis for a lot of film school classes and the inspiration for hundreds of directors that have followed him.

But never won an Academy Award.

Even when doing something like adapting a John Steinbeck novel, which this was.

- And this was sort of out of the ordinary for him.

In his later years, he really did get into more of the mystery and suspense kind of films.

I don't know if you'd call Alfred Hitchcock a horror director.

Maybe "The Birds" crosses that line, maybe "Psycho".

- Maybe "Psycho".

- But he was really more of a suspense director.

I think he would be akin to a film like "Silence of the Lambs".

If Alfred Hitchcock was still making films, I think he would've made something like "Silence of the Lambs".

And in a way, he kinda did when he made the film "Frenzy", which was one of his final films.

That was much more a taught sort of psychological thriller with a really horrible killer and a whole whodunit going on the whole time too.

So, kinda in that same vein.

But he's one of those directors who, he did amazing things.

He even, in World War II, he even directed, actually edited footage of concentration camps, and made films that, he said that tore his soul apart, that he never wanted to see them again, but they were very important documents of what was going on during that war, and ways to let the world know what was happening and atrocities and things like that.

And of course, he was also a TV star.

A lot of people forget that.

He had "Alfred Hitchcock Presents", which was the television show that he hosted and appeared in every episode, doing an intro at the beginning.

And it's also interesting because "Psycho" was a movie that was basically a challenge to himself.

He said, "I have this TV crew, I have these sets.

Can I make a movie for very little money that's gonna be effective and scary"?

And, of course, I think we all know Norman Bates is one of the great cinema villains and he really was able to take that crew and make something special.

So, kind of an amazing guy.

And, as you said, never got an Academy Award for any of his work, which seems ridiculous.

- Well, "Psycho" was a film in particular that was underappreciated in its day.

The critics of the day were not impressed with it.

And it only gained luster as time went on.

- Right, and he had other movies like that too.

Like "Vertigo" is now considered one of the greatest movies of all time.

At the time it was dismissed by a lot of critics.

A movie like "Rear Window", you know he worked with Jimmy Stewart, and he was known for working with beautiful blondes.

Sean Connery in "Marnie".

You know, he just worked with a lot of different actors and a lot of different folks.

"North by Northwest" of course, another of his films.

So, you can't talk about great film and not talk about a guy like Alfred Hitchcock.

So, thank you for bringing us this amazing piece and why don't you folks get back to the movie.

Not quite as good as anything Hitchcock did.

Here on Nightmare Theatre.

(line ringing) - Are you sure your uncle was out there tonight?

You didn't just think you saw him?

- [Robert] I told you, he just left here.

- That was two hours ago, and no sign of him any place.

I put out an all points after the first hour.

He's not on the road, and he's not home.

- Hold the wire, Lieutenant.

(door creaking) You better come out, Lieutenant.

He's still here.

(suspenseful orchestral music) ♪ Well here you be nobody ♪ And though my son ♪ Well here you be nobody - Andy!

♪ Someone ♪ I've been out hunting, mother ♪ ♪ I've been out hunting, mother ♪ ♪ Make rather soft, mother ♪ Make rather soon ♪ For I'm sick - Andy!

McKee, I'm going to burn that stuff in the greenhouse if this heater doesn't work by tonight.

- Oh, but it took a whole lifetime of collecting for me to get the whole caboodle, here.

And see here, you haven't even touched your food.

Man, you've got to eat, if you want to keep above the ground.

Ah, light's for me, Bobby.

Of course, I can't answer for what happens after sundown.

- Better wait in the car.

(dramatic orchestral music) - Irresistible, huh?

- Aren't I crazy?

- Completely.

- I'll never change, I'm afraid.

- Annie, I'll see you later?

- Bob, please, I take it back.

- What?

- That day in the car?

I did see you, and I did hear you.

I really did.

I should never have denied it.

- It's all right, Annie.

I'll see you later.

- Do you have a party named Jacob Mittel someplace on the map?

M-I-T-T-E-L. - The importer?

Sure.

- [Clayborne] You know him?

- Yeah.

We contact the French designers through Mittel.

As a matter of fact, he's in Paris, now.

- Better strike him out.

- [Robert] Jay?

- Go ahead.

- How did he die?

- He isn't dead, at least not yet.

I know what you're thinking, Mr. Kraft.

You're thinking that we tricked you into killing Jacob Mittel.

We'll you're 100% right, so try to relax, huh?

This one's on the police.

You see, Jacob Mittel's in the prime of life, no previous major illnesses, no record, life expectancy, exceptionally good.

And he's in Paris with all that ocean water to protect him from this mess.

Up until now, all the deaths have been confined to the local area.

If it strikes somebody on another continent, then we've really found something.

- I knew I should have gotten rid of those pins four days ago, even the map, the whole thing.

Out!

What I want to know is, what are you going to tell the district attorney is responsible for these deaths?

- We gave this case a real full dress investigation, Mr. Kraft, questioned you and all the other suspects and witnesses until the a point of comedy, found nothing, no motive, no opportunity, no suspect, no crime, no weapon, except seven pins went it.

And then seven people died, not one, seven.

Who put in those pins?

You did, all seven.

Other chairman and so on have been putting in that map for years, and nothing happened.

- But with me... - It isn't impossible for a certain kind of man to be endowed with powers that nobody had ever dreamed he could have.

A lot of scientists claim that.

Maps and pins can't kill alone.

The power of the human brain has to be behind it.

Like in the Indies, I guess, those voodoo dolls you hear about, witch doctor sticks pins in a thing until the guy in question is jinxed into dying.

(ominous orchestral music) Course I, I know you didn't mean to kill anybody.

I have to get back.

You'll hear from me the minute we get word.

- I think I best be running along, too, Bob, I think so.

(door clicking) (suspenseful orchestral music) (crickets chirping) (ominous orchestral music) - I destroyed them.

Something in me killed them.

Something in me, but I, I couldn't refuse the job, not a man with my reasoning power.

Power.

If I have the power of death using the black pins, then I must have the power of life using the white ones.

(suspenseful orchestral music) (crickets chirping) - Welcome back to Nightmare Theatre.

I mean, I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize once again for tonight's movie.

I know it is and I've counseled El Sapo and we're hoping we can bring you better films in the future.

Now, Sapo, I can't help but notice all the clothes are still here on the table and now it looks like there's a bunch of dirty dishes as well.

- Well, let's check the trusty old job board here, boss.

It says the dishes were, yes, it says the dishes and laundry were both completed on time and under budget!

- Now, clearly, they weren't and have you noticed how much hair there is on the ground.

- It certainly is not my hair.

- I know that.

It's Mittens' hair.

It's gotten into everything!

- Well, let me check the ol' board.

Yep yep yep, I thought so.

I've clearly moved the pin from the task of sweeping up hair.

That task can be marked down as completed.

Another job well done by El Sapo!

- Well, there's a pile of hair three feet deep in the outer corridor and if it gets into the air system, we're all gonna be in trouble.

- Well, that is a good point, boss.

I guess if the reactor core does get clogged and causes the power to shut down, someone will have to go into that reactor core and unclog it.

Of course, walking into an open reactor core would likely kill someone, but the clog would be released and that's what's important, right?

You know what?

I'll do it if it comes down to it.

I'll most likely, undoubtedly, get killed in the process, but you know, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one."

- Well, yeah, worst case scenario, that would happen.

The levels of radiation -- What did you just say?

- Who me?

- No, Mittens.

Of course, you, stupid!

- Well, I just said I walk into the reactor core and dislodge any clog, even though it will mean my ultimate death.

I'll save the day and be labeled as a hero!

- No, no, no.

You said, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one."

Sapo, you are quoting lines from "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan".

Just like earlier when you referenced to Kobayashi Maru.

And you know what, that hair in the hallway looks suspiciously like your hair.

How long did it take you to save that hair up?

You set up this whole enterprise to make yourself look like a hero.

- I swear, boss.

I don't know what you're talking about.

- Yes, you do!

You took all this time to set it up so it'd look like the reactor core was collapsing and that you were putting yourself in danger by clearing it.

All to make yourself look like a hero!

Look, Sapo, I'm not looking for a hero.

Just someone who can do the job.

That's all I would have you do.

Wouldn't it be easier just to do the work instead of coming up with a harebrained scheme?

- Okay, boss.

You got me.

I was hoping to get some sympathy with what everyone knows is a spot-on Spock impersonation.

- I swear I just don't know what to do with you.

Folks, folks, we're gonna get back to the conclusion of "I Bury the Living" here on Nightmare Theatre, but what am I gonna do?

- "May the force be with you".

(crickets chirping) (creaking) (ominous orchestral music) (knocking) (ominous orchestral music) (ground rumbling) (coughing) (coughing) (suspenseful orchestral music) (suspenseful orchestral music) (suspenseful orchestral music) (phone ringing) (gun clattering) - This is the cemetery.

I'm sorry.

- [Rosamund] This is Rosamund Mittel.

- Rosamund, I don't, yes.

- [Rosamund] Can't you hear me?

This is Rosamund Mittel, Jay's wife.

- Rosamund, yes.

- [Rosamund] I've just received a cable, Bob, can't you hear me?

- You just received a cable from Paris, France.

- [Rosamund] That's right.

I'll read it again.

- Jacob.

- [Rosamund] Jacob W. Mittel.

- "Jacob W. Mittel died in Hotel Royale, "body awaits disposition, signed, American Embassy, "Paris, France."

- [Rosamund] That's right.

He died there.

- Died in Paris, France, died.

Jacob W. Mittel.

- Impossible.

Impossible, he canna be dead.

What?

What?

You still think that thing's the killer?

Or your own puny power, Mr. Chairman?

The only power you or that map every had was me, so far as killing goes.

You, you marked them for death, Mr. Chairman, but who did the deed?

Andrew McKee.

- Aww, Andy, why?

- [Andy] You and your high and mighty committee, turning out a man with 40 years of service on the grounds, 40 years.

- I told you, Andy, a full pension.

- It isn't a cash what keeps a man going, lad, what keeps his feet on the ground and keeps him on the job until the Lord makes him quit, the Lord, but nobody else.

These is my hills, my lands, my activities.

Aye, we come a long, dark road to put this gun to your head, Bob.

- Andy we never tried to take anything away from you.

- Aye, I made sure of that.

I snuck up on each one of them in turn when they was alone, and held them fast, like so, until they went.

Aye, even big old George, your uncle, slept as easy as a baby.

- Mittel, that doesn't explain what happened to Mittel.

Mittel's dead.

Will you stop that confounded talk, man.

That map's naught but to do that, you fool.

There's nothing to fear, here.

(chiseling) That map.

- Andy, talk about something else, quick.

It's important.

- You're finished with talking.

Finished you are, with maps, and pins black and white.

- Talk about something else, I said.

It's important, right now, talk about anything else.

Now!

(chiseling) - Why?

- Because I caused you to kill those people.

(chiseling) Andy, you've got to get this straight right now, you heard that Lieutenant.

It's possible for some people to have things inside them that make other things happen.

Nothing is impossible for a man like that if he thinks about it hard enough.

I know you, Andy.

You're no killer.

I made you do it.

- You thought me into killing them?

Then they could all be back.

- Andy, I never knew it.

- They could all be back.

That noise, can't you hear it?

(suspenseful orchestral music) (chiseling) - Andy, Andy stop.

There's nobody.

(suspenseful orchestral music) - [Andy] They could all be back.

They could all be back.

Ah, don't let them take me, sir.

Go away.

You should have settled them white pins, Bob, but now it's too late.

Too late.

(suspenseful orchestral music) Don't let me hear them.

I only killed five.

You hear me, only five.

Not the young Drexel couple.

Go away!

Go away, leave me alone.

Go away!

Go!

Save me, Bobby.

(banging on door) (ominous orchestral music) - [Officer] He's dead, Lieutenant.

- All right, forget the normal procedure and get him out of here.

Exhibit A, you really didn't need it.

They died of fright, first.

Just like he did.

- You're forgetting about those seven trips to the mausoleum, Lieutenant.

Seven bodies, seven trips.

- They helped.

- Lieutenant, uh, Jacob Mittel died in Paris.

- Now, that was a plant, Mr. Kraft.

Mittel's all right.

Sorry we had to put you through this, but it was the best way to make McKee come out in the open.

- Ah, Mrs. Mittel stayed up all night at headquarters waiting for us to call him.

- A radio car's posted just outside.

We signaled her to phone you and tell you that lie about her husband.

Am I getting through to you, Mr. Kraft?

- Well, not quite yet.

- We watched him, Bob.

He actually managed to unearth all seven of them.

Wonder what got into him.

- It was those white pins.

It was.

(crickets chirping) Annie-- - Hmm?

- I lost my overcoat.

- Oh, where?

Which one?

I'll get it.

- No, never mind.

I think I can find it myself.

(ominous orchestral music) - Frankly, folks, I'd like to apologize for everything tonight.

For the movie, for El Sapo's tomfoolery.

For the fact that we once again had to pollute the airwaves with "Radar Men from the Moon" because El Sapo didn't have a movie.

- I'm sorry, boss.

It just seemed like a good idea at the time.

You know, kind of like when the director and the producer got together and thought of this movie.

They thought it seemed like a good idea.

- And it wasn't a good idea, was it?

- No, sir, it was not.

- And it wasn't a good movie, was it?

- No, sir.

Well, there was one good thing.

- No, no, there wasn't.

- I saw one neat thing.

I noticed how the guy in the movie, when he started to think he was controlling things with the map, the map got slightly bigger in every scene, like the map was psychologically controlling him.

I thought that was a good effect.

- Well, that's very observant of you, El Sapo.

I think I'm gonna give you your best mark ever on your evaluation.

One star.

- One star out of five?

- No, 100.

Say, what do we have on tap for next week?

- We have this!

(upbeat rock music) ♪ There was a ghoul in school There was a ghoul in school ♪ (screaming) - [Announcer] A scream a minute!

(screaming) A nightmare of fiendish horrors!

Unbelievable until you see it with your own horror-stricken eyes!

- Since I've been here, I've been trying to capture a wolf to extract his glands.

- Now, tell me, professor, have you experimented on yourself?

(ominous orchestral music) - [Announcer] The new doctor, suspect.

Beauties, the prey of fiendish desires.

A village up in arms.

(ominous orchestral music) - Look there!

- Where?

- Up at the top of the stairs!

- Walter, stop or I'll shoot!

(gun firing) (screaming) - [Announcer] A Nervorama shocker!

(growling) Warning, this picture is for people with nerves of iron only!

(screaming) ♪ There was a ghoul in school There was a ghoul in school ♪ - Well, kiss that one star goodbye, sir!

We've got to sign off now, folks.

Sapo has mountains of hair to clean up and lots of laundry to do, and frankly, I could use a nice long nap, so until next time, may all your dreams be nightmares.

(thunder crashing) (upbeat rock music)