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(upbeat music) (indistinct chattering) (bell rings) - Hello and welcome to the City Club of Cleveland, where we are devoted to creating conversations of consequence that help democracy thrive.

It is Friday, June 9th.

And I'm Mark Ross, retired PWC partner and proud member of the City Club board of directors.

And even prouder today to help host our LGBTQ+ community and allies for today's special Pride Month forum.

As we approach Pride Month each year, the City Club gives a great deal of thought as to whom our dream guests might be.

And I am simply thrilled with our choice today.

And it is my honor to welcome Chasten Buttigieg activist, teacher and author of the memoir, "I Have Something to Tell You".

(audience applauding) (audience cheering) In his 2020 memoir, Chasten details the challenges he faced as a closeted teenager growing up in Northern Michigan.

As the youngest of three boys in a conservative Catholic family, he hid his sexuality from those closest to him for years.

The teenage years are a time of immense change, and those challenges are magnified for LGBTQ+ youth.

Throughout his book, Buttigieg aims to inspire young people to embrace who they are and to reach a place of self-love and acceptance all while offering hope that life gets better when you live your true self and find your community.

And I think many in this room have firsthand experience with these challenges.

In addition to being a teacher, advocate and writer, Chasten is the husband of Pete Buttigieg, the US Secretary of Transportation.

(audience applauding) (audience cheering) And former presidential candidate, and finally known to many of us simply as Mayor Pete.

Chasten currently lives in his hometown of Traverse City, Michigan with Pete and their two children, Gus and Penelope.

On a personal note, many of us in this room participated in pride in the CLE last Saturday.

And the warmth, welcomeness and energy and sheer numbers were incredible.

It gave me a sense for at least that day that we were continuing to make progress on the road to equality.

With that said, today's conversation is also timely for some more sobering reasons.

As our education systems across the country are dealing with proposed changes that could restrict what is taught, how it's taught, in some cases, the books it's being taught from.

At the same time, don't say gay and similar type bills remain an ongoing challenge in many parts of the country, making it even more complicated for students to live their authentic selves.

All of that simply reinforces the importance of today's discussion and the choice of our speaker.

Moderating the conversation today is Emma Henderson, a reporter with WKYC.

Emma covers the local LGBTQ+ community and serves on the board of Buckeye Flame, Ohio's only LGBTQ+ newsroom.

All right.

(audience applauding) (audience cheering) If you have questions for our speaker, you can text it to 330-541-5794.

Once again, that's 330-541-5794.

You can also tweet your question @thecityclub, and the City Club staff will try to work it into the second half of the program.

Members and friends of the City Club of Cleveland, please help me join me in welcoming Chasten Buttigieg.

Emma, over to you.

(audience applauding) - Well, Chasten, thank you so much for being here today and happy pride.

- Happy pride.

- I think it's so fitting that we're doing this during Pride Month.

It's just really, like he said, this past weekend was a wonderful celebration.

Well, it was a march and a wonderful celebration here in Cleveland.

The march part is important to remember as we continue to advocate for our rights.

So I have to ask just to start off, how has the tour been going?

You've been crisscrossing the country.

- Yeah, I forgot that it was June.

(audience laughing) I kid, the tour has been great.

What started out as a hope to go to a couple cities has grown into a tour encroaching on 30 cities now, and we've been taking the book to big cities and smaller and redder places in America too.

And I've really appreciated the opportunity to be in rooms like this and have conversations like this, especially during Pride Month, especially when our community is under attack.

And simple things like books themselves are coming into debate.

So I know this is being broadcast, but I don't wanna be too cheeky, but sometimes I like taking a little break.

This is considered a break for me.

I do have to get home and do daycare pickup, but wrangling twins right now is a tough job.

So thanks for allowing me to make this my lunch break today.

- Yeah, it's your lunch break.

Hopefully you'll actually get a chance to eat.

- I haven't tried Ohio's finest salmon yet.

So hopefully I'll get a chance.

- Well, before we get started, I also wanted to congratulate you.

You now officially have two New York Times bestselling books, your memoir and the YA version.

So congratulations.

- Thank you.

- And I know that the youth here are gonna be getting that copy, which is gonna be so great if they haven't had a chance to read it yet.

- That's incredible, thank you so much by the way to the folks who made that happen that I really appreciate that.

- And let's start off with the youth.

I think that's a great jumping off point.

- The youth.

- You we're so...

The youth we're so fortunate to have such a large youth audience today, and your book is geared toward youth and it's about your years as a youth.

(all laughing) So is there anything that you would like to say to them just being here and being visible today?

- Yeah, one of my biggest worries in writing this book, I taught middle school, I taught seventh and eighth grade, and one of the things that I was nervous about was that the book would not resonate because I'm no longer a youth.

I was also told that I wasn't allowed to write about some things in politics.

And so I walked that tightrope.

But one of the things I thought about when I walked in the room today was the fact that we are gathered here to listen to someone talk about a book about growing up gay.

And that didn't exist when I was your age.

Growing up in Northern Michigan, we did not talk about gay people openly.

And the only time I ever heard people queer discussed was in the form of slurs or threats or fear.

And the fact that you're here today is just remarkable.

I know that politics can get really loud and social media can feel overwhelming and it feels like our current ecosystem is just swarming with negativity and hatred and homophobia.

But I do just wanna pause and reflect on the fact that we're here, and I know some of you are here bravely being yourself, living your life authentically as yourself in a state that might not be the most progressive state in the union.

But it is important to pause and reflect on that.

That you're here.

And that you may be out and proud.

And the fact that you exist always humbles me because I'm not saying that as the the old person in the room being like, when I was your age, I didn't get to do that.

I'm saying that because it takes tremendous bravery to live your life authentically.

And I'm so grateful that you are.

And to the parents or teachers or mentors in the room, thank you so much for creating space for young people to just exist as themselves.

Like I said, our media ecosystem right now is so fraught and I hope that you are pausing to reflect on the fact that the things that you are doing as a parent or a teacher or as a role model or a mentor, those are tiny miracles.

Not everyone gets a loving parent.

Not everyone gets an accepting teacher.

And so just walking into this room today, I got a little misty.

The fact that we're all here in this space celebrating our lives authentically.

And for me, so much of pride outside of the march and the call to action and the reminder of the ways in which we need to use our voices and our privilege to lift up other people and continue the fight for LGBTQ progress.

It's also just a celebration of the fact that for me personally, I'm alive.

Because as some of you'll read in this book or maybe some of you have read, I didn't think I would be, I really didn't see a future for myself growing up in a very conservative place.

And yeah, I got to put a ring on it and I'm a dad now and it's pretty remarkable.

And so every Pride Month, I just paused to reflect on that.

- And I think this Pride Month, I know you were joking that you didn't realize it was June, but you have been going across the country, you've been in conservative states, you've been in very liberal states.

We were talking a little bit about the differences that you've noticed, but why is it so important for you to go to those places where it might be really uncomfortable to have these conversations about your book?

- Well, it's not uncomfortable for me.

That's why I like it.

I like going places to remind folks that even this one person, I'm not turning my back on you.

I will show up for you.

I want to have these conversations.

But also even for people in our community or folks who consider themselves allies, it's very hard to keep pushing forward and continuing to fight and continuing to march and continuing to advocate if you're not consistently refilling your tank, putting gas back in your tank so that you can stay in the fight.

So one of the things I've really appreciated is rocking up to places like Missouri, Utah, Texas, Florida.

Have you heard about Florida?

(audience laughing) - Rivers.

- I love going there because there are tremendous people on the ground in all of these places.

I don't know a lot of Ohioans, but I do love Nanwalek.

I like love seeing Nanwalek every time.

(audience applauding) (audience cheering) But just in the few minutes in the few organizations that I've heard about in this room, there are really good people on the ground here in Ohio who are doing life-saving, necessary work.

And I think it's important to go to places like Cleveland just as much as it is to show up in New York City.

So thank you for welcoming me today.

- So speaking of going down this road, the human rights campaign, they just pat out a national state of emergency for LGBTQ humans in the United States.

I mean, how are you reacting to that while also celebrating your book and the success that you're having and interacting with LGBT people across the United States?

- Yeah, I think this is a moment for especially allies of the LGBTQ community to consider what they are doing, to be an ally, to ask themselves, have I earned the title ally or have I just given it to myself?

And when you see things like HRC saying declaring a state of emergency for LGBTQ people, that's not a reflection on the LGBTQ community.

That's a reflection on a country as a whole.

And as you know, our country is not only made up of LGBTQ people, so what are you doing as an ally to make sure that LGBTQ people, not just LGBTQ but everyone can exist in your doctor's office, at your dentist's office, your classroom safely and openly.

This season I think we really need to think about what active allyship looks like.

In some places like Northern Michigan, for example, people are tearing down pride flags.

We have this great organization in Traverse City called Up North Pride.

They started selling these wonderful lawn signs.

And I remember driving up there a couple years ago and seeing one like way out in the county and being like, oh my god.

A gay or an ally, who knows?

But how remarkable, that's so great to see, but that is a form of active allyship because you are in a place where a lot of people are questioning if it is truly safe to be themselves.

And when someone says there's my sign, it's okay to be yourself.

I am a neighbor who affirms you, who loves you, who will fight for you, that is a form of active allyship.

Maybe in some more progressive places you might have to use your time, your privilege of your money to question what you're doing with those things and question what you're doing with those things to fight for other people's lives.

And so sometimes it's not just as simple as wearing the t-shirt or putting out the yard sign, but thinking about how you're using your money, where you're spending your money, which is why you're LGBTQ Chamber of Commerce is here to have those conversations with you.

Because LGBTQ people have money too, and we like to spend it.

And we wanna make sure that we're spending it at an organization that will fight for our quality.

So when HRC puts things like that out, I don't think that's necessarily a call to action for LGBTQ people.

I think that's a call to action for our allies, especially, and I'm sure we'll talk about this a little bit later.

If you are in a position of privilege and power, like elected office and you choose to spend your time targeting less than 1% of the American population, an already vulnerable group of people, like young trans people, rather than lifting a finger on something like, I don't know, gun violence.

We need to do our best to call these people out, to vote them out and to remind them of what the real issues facing American people and the American youth are.

And we could really use our allies help in doing that.

- Now let's talk a little bit about that then.

So I mean, you shared a lot about your youth experiences and here we are seeing larger issues that are impacting our youth beyond just the LGBTQIA community.

And I mean, what are the biggest issues that you're seeing right now for youth and how can they be good activists for themselves?

- The number one thing I hear whether I'm in deep blue America or red America is the exhaustion of young people, the frustration from young people about adults in positions of power, like elected office who aren't doing their job.

And I feel like I constantly have to...

I'll do it right now.

I'm sorry on behalf of all the adults.

(audience laughing) It is exhausting, isn't it, that you go through all this schooling learning about what a great institution the American government is, what a platform, what a privilege to be a United States congressperson or Senator.

And then you go to Washington and you decide the most pressing issue of our time is making sure that a trans person's life is a little bit harder.

And I see young people just fed up with that.

Whether I'm in New York or Portland, or whether I'm down in Florida or Texas, especially when the data shows us that the number one cause of death amongst young people in this country is guns.

It's guns, it's not drag queens, it's not M&Ms or beer bottles or whatever they're upset about on the other side of the aisle, it's guns.

And the exhaustion from young people that the adults in the room, the adults in those big white buildings in Washington, the issues that they're focusing on have nothing to do with actually keeping young people alive or safe or feeling supported.

I mean, just imagine what it is like to grow up in a generation lockdown, as we call it now.

Kids who go throughout their entire life doing lockdown drills every year at school.

I had to have these conversations as a teacher when I taught.

Having conversations with kids about where to run or how to fight or where to hide.

That's the conversation you want me to be having with my kids.

And then the thing that you go to Washington to focus on is maybe making sure that one kid in that school's life is harder.

And so again, this is a call to action for any ally.

I'm sure there are some friends from mom's demand here or every town, and very grateful for your activism.

But it's not just on young people, it's about the adults in the room who aren't using their privilege for the benefit of the greater good.

For young people, one of the things that I love seeing right now is that young people aren't afraid to speak up.

It is okay to call adults out when they're not getting it right.

Maybe not about like a dinner tasted good, but like I met some great young activists in Michigan who were really nervous about homophobia getting pushed under the rug in the school district.

And just seeing the fire in their eyes, seeing the fact that these young people were like, this is wrong, we want to make it right.

And what do we do?

We should make sure that the adults in the room are backing them up and showing up for them.

But really we shouldn't be having those conversations in the first place, right?

We should already be making sure that school is accepting of everybody and just an easier, safer place to be.

- I am curious if while writing this book and going back to your childhood, it gave you time to reflect on what being an adult, how you can be a good ally to youth, whether it's LGBTQ youth, whether it's someone who's maybe scared to go to school because of the reasons that you've mentioned.

How can adults be good allies to youth?

- Yeah, I'm trying to be mindful of our time.

I know it's slipping away.

Time, money, privilege.

So when you're just asking yourself that question, have I given myself the title of ally?

Have I earned it?

What are you doing with your time, your money or your privilege?

(Chasten clearing throat) Not everybody has a lot of time.

So if you have a little money to toss out, make sure you're supporting local organizations that are doing the work on the ground, especially supporting young LGBTQ people.

What about your privilege?

What kind of spaces do you operate in?

What tables are you at?

Are you a person maybe at your place of employment or at a school board who might be able to speak up on behalf of people who might not feel empowered to raise their voice?

So just to ask yourself the ally question and what are you doing with your time, your money and your privilege?

- And with this book, I would like to pivot a little bit to, you're an educator and you're an entertainer at heart, and I'm curious.

- Me, no.

- You got to share those pieces of you in the book.

How did those help writing the book?

Did you realize anything about yourself or?

- Well, the whole point...

I mean, there's so much to say about the book.

I hope that one day the book is irrelevant.

I don't feel like a lot of authors don't say that.

But I hope that one day we're not having these types of like heavy conversations around a book that are supposed to help young people feel empowered to be themselves, right?

Hopefully one day, like my kids will question why I ever had to write that and why we all had to be up in arms about it.

And when, yeah, right?

(audience applauding) But there's a lot in there in telling that story to a younger generation, trying to share the queer trauma of living in the closet and the homophobia and the bullying and how I overcame that and the lessons I learned along all the failures along the way of stumbling through coming out into later life and then a little bit of that weird political life that I'm in now.

And there's a lot of like valleys and peaks in that story.

And so much of the story to me is just about like that, the opportunity to travel back in time and talk to your younger self.

And I wouldn't want to like travel back in time and be like, it's awful, it's gonna suck.

I wanted it to be funny and I wanted there to be levity.

And I also wanted to tell some really funny stories so that maybe when you trip or you stumble or you're confused about something, you'll know that somebody else has been there too.

And that it isn't always perfect.

But there's also really great things in there for teachers and parents and older people about how to be supportive and how to create those environments that many of us in our generation wish we would've had when we were younger.

- Absolutely.

And I think one of the things that really stuck out to me in the book is you talking about your adventures in Germany and just taking that step to go out there seriously as such a young adult was huge.

So what would your advice be to any of the youth here who are thinking about taking a big step, going on a big adventure, kind of taking that risk?

- Yeah, well, it's sort of double-sided here.

So I was a junior in high school and just, I wanted to get as far away from Traverse City as possible.

And my high school German teacher was telling the story about this fully funded scholarship to study abroad in Germany for a year.

And I'm sure to the rest of the kids, it just sounded like, blah, blah blah.

And they're all like rushing out the door at the end of class.

And it was like a beacon of light had like entered the room and that flyer was like my ticket out of Michigan.

And so it wasn't so much that I wanted to study in Germany.

I had taken German for four years, it was all cool, but I really just wanted to get out and I was running away from myself, right?

But when I made it to Germany, I made friends who allowed me to come out.

It was the first time I'd ever come out.

I learned so much about myself, I learned so much about the world, and I would encourage any young person to try to put themselves in that position.

It doesn't have to be studying abroad, but the lessons that came from making myself deeply uncomfortable, I took a chance.

I got on an airplane.

For the first time I flew across the world and was living in a home with people who barely spoke English.

And I'll save some of the funny details for folks who will read the book, but came face to face with a lot of culture shock.

But I learned so much about myself.

And I think whether it's studying abroad or doing something that challenges you, try to find a way to challenge yourself to be uncomfortable because that's where the learning comes from.

Once you're like super comfortable in your bubble, then I feel like you kind of stagnate, right?

And so going to Germany, it just popped this bubble.

I was living and operating in a bubble and I needed to see the world from the outside of the bubble.

- How important has being in those uncomfortable places been in your life?

I mean, I'm sure you probably didn't imagine that you would be in the national spotlight with anything related to politics or that your Twitter would blow up or anything like that.

- What a great place, Twitter.

(audience laughing) - So how important have those moments of uncomfortability and growth been to you?

- Yeah, all the growth comes from those learning opportunities, especially when they're super uncomfortable.

But I will also say, I did an interview, I will never forget this, where a journalist asked me what prepared you for this life?

This was during the presidential race.

And I remember saying, well, I taught middle school and I have a degree in theater so I can do anything.

(audience laughing) Okay, so that was not what I was looking for in the interview, but she laughed too.

But I really do mean this.

One, teaching middle school really like stiffens your spine because God love you middle schoolers, but you've roughed me up a little bit.

And then just having a degree in theater, I became comfortable with myself on a stage.

I like talking to other people.

I had learned all of these values, not only about performance, but just about myself and the world through the arts, which is why I think every kid deserves access to arts education.

(audience applauding) I'm very, very grateful that I had that experience.

And so, yeah, I didn't see my life blowing up the way it did, but it gave me the confidence and the ability to go out there and be like, well, I know nothing about presidential politics, but I'm gonna try it.

And there were a lot of, especially in the adult version of the book there's bumps and bruises along the way and embarrassments and a lot of hard lessons learned.

And politics is not a nuanced place.

So you fall flat on your face sometimes and you have to pick yourself up and learn from it, especially when you feel like you're in it for the right reasons.

There'll be a lot of people in the world and on very special places like Twitter who will remind you that you are not liked or that you're not doing it right.

And so it was that experience as a middle school teacher and being able to just navigate that new world.

And I think that sort of ties into one little thing I do wanna say about allyship and Pride Month is I'm very grateful to get to be this person.

And one of the things that I've greatly benefited from is other people helping me become a better advocate, giving me the opportunity to sit down and learn and unlearn from them.

Which I think a lot of folks in politics, especially on the other side of the aisle, could benefit from, especially with young trans people.

Like have they ever met a trans person?

For me, one of the best things that I've ever done is to seek out opportunities to sit down with people very different from me and ask them how I can be a better advocate.

Tell me your stories and tell me what I need to be saying out there so that you know I'm showing up for you too.

'Cause I want to, but your lived experience is so different than mine.

I need to know how I can be a better friend and a better ally.

I think we can all sort of think about ways that we can do that as well.

Even if it's talking with your own students or kids.

Sorry, I see that clock and it's just.

- No, you're fine, we're doing great.

- So tell everyone to be a better ally, but like three minutes.

- We've got a little bit more than three minutes.

You're okay, it's not a hard out.

So I am curious, you've had a whirlwind couple of years and I think that anyone of any age could benefit from learning.

How do you drown out some of that noise?

- Oh, well, it took me a really long time to learn this.

I wanna be honest.

It was becoming a dad that really helped me, that really put places like Twitter into perspective.

You have a tremendous power as a person who has a smartphone.

Which is that you can turn it off, you really can.

And sometimes I will get sucked into that space and I will see people saying wild stuff, hurtful stuff, really bigoted stuff, twisted stuff that just fires me up, either as a advocate or a dad or just I guess a sensible human being.

And my kids have helped remind me that the most important things are right in front of you and I can just turn the phone off and play with my kids.

And you get to decide how much value or weight you give to the opinions of other people.

And that's one of the biggest lessons in this book.

I wish younger me would've known that the opinions of all the other people around me, all those 500,000 kids in high school, they didn't matter.

I was so obsessed with what they thought about me.

I was so nervous that they'd find out my big secret and they'd hurt me or that it would be the thing that would cause me to lose everything.

But back then, I thought to everyone's opinions mattered more than my own.

And right now we all get to decide how much does, like I'm trying to come up with a fake Twitter handle, like Cowhead 4852-_ like whatever, how much does that person's opinion matter?

And if you were just sitting, going about your day thinking, am I worthy of love and acceptance?

Let me go ask Cowhead-_4258.

We wouldn't.

But when you're in those moments, it can feel really hurtful.

And so you have to learn that you get to decide how much value their opinions have.

And I think they have very little to do with how I value myself and see my place in the world.

And I love the ability to just be happy.

I like being happy.

I love getting to be this person.

I love that I get to play with my kids that I never thought I would get to have one day.

I love my husband, I love our home, I love our dogs.

I just get to be happy.

And the thing that really, really bothers these people, especially at looking at you young queer people in this room, the thing that really, really bothers other people is that you're happy.

And I know this sounds a little flip, but it is okay to revel in their misery once in a while.

(audience laughing) (audience applauding) But you know who you are.

You know what you stand for.

You know what kind of world you want to live in.

They don't.

They still haven't figured that out yet.

Who they are or what matters.

So be happy.

Don't let anyone rob you of that happiness, especially Cowhead-_49.

- Especially Cowhead.

So this is my final just really quick question leading off of that.

For people who might be struggling right now whether it's with their sexuality or whatever, does it get better?

- Yeah, it does.

And I remember when I was young, I thought that phrase was just a crack of baloney sandwiches.

I'm watching my language 'cause I know we're on the radio.

I hated that phrase.

It gets better, really?

When?

I remember being that kid getting shoved into a locker and getting called a lot of slurs wondering does it actually really get better?

And I'm here to tell you it does.

And here's the thing that sucks about that phrase.

Sometimes it doesn't get immediately better and sometimes it takes a while and sometimes it requires stepping out of your bubble.

Sometimes it requires finding other people and just making friends is awkward and hard.

That's why I'm so grateful for some of the LGBTQ organizations in the room, because now you have the ability to go somewhere and make friends, make community.

But I certainly didn't have any of that when I was growing up.

And remember thinking like, when will it ever get better from this?

I never thought I'd have a husband, I never thought I'd get to get married or have kids.

But here's the thing, it only gets better if other people are committed to making it better, because you can't make it better by yourself.

So other people have to do the work for you as well.

And that's what I'm talking about with active allyship.

I'll just say one thing about this.

If you're a teacher or a parent, my life could have been very different had my parents sat me down and said, we just wanna let you know that we love you unconditionally.

Whether you're gay, straight, bi, trans, whoever you are, whether you want to play football or you want to be a dancer or a mathematician, whether you wanna lift heavy weights or bury your nose in books, doesn't matter.

We will love you unconditionally.

Now go focus on being a kid.

But we never had that conversation.

So I hated myself for 18 years and I was convinced that I was an embarrassment and my family would hate me.

And I just had all of these ideas about what they thought of me, even though they were very loving people, very giving people.

We just didn't talk about queer people growing up.

And so even if you think you're like the proudest of allies, the bestest and the lovings of people, have you told your kid that?

Because I thought that about my parents.

I thought my parents were very loving people and I watched how they gave back and cared about all these other people, but we didn't talk about queer people and all the things I was hearing about queer people in church or in the hallways at school told me something very different.

And so sit your kids down and have that conversation with them.

Tell your kids that you love them unconditionally.

And that's the thing about being a parent, right?

If you're not ready to love them unconditionally, don't be a parent.

- I think that's a perfect place to end this.

And now let's get to the audience question and answer.

So I'm Emma Henderson, I'm a reporter for WKYC and moderator for today's conversation.

We're here with Chasten Buttigieg, in case you didn't know teacher and author of the young adult adaptation of his 2020 memoir, "I Have Something to Tell You".

So we welcome questions from everyone, City Club members, guests, students, and those joining via our livestream at cityclubb.org or the live radio broadcast at 89.7 WKSU Ideastream Public media.

So if you'd like to tweet a question for our speaker, please tweet it @thecityclub.

You can also text your question to 330-541-5794.

That's 330-541-5794.

And the wonderful City Club staff, they will try to work it into the program.

So I see we already have people lined up.

So let's start with the first question.

- We're gonna start with a text question.

So this came in via text.

Do you predict that your book will become one of those banned or removed from school libraries?

- So I'm a parent.

I taught eighth grade.

I know how to write an age appropriate book.

It's a completely age appropriate book.

So if it's banned, that's just politics.

And if it is, that just means some people are uncomfortable with the existence of queer people.

So we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Gosh, I hope not.

- [Emma] All right, next question.

What is it like knowing that it was harder for you as a kid to be out and now there are GSA in similar clubs and schools, but that they could increase the risk of a school shooter coming in simply because they're accepting people?

- Hmm.

That's a really heavy question.

Here's the thing about living authentically is that it doesn't come with risks.

Sorry, it comes with risks.

And I hope you don't think about that question too much because sometimes the world's crazy, sometimes awful things happen.

And you can't burden yourself with the idea that because you're creating space for other people to live openly or authentically or just to exist even for half an hour after school or during lunchtime or whenever your GSA meets, you should not focus on all the terrible things in the world because if you go looking for it, you'll find it.

Focus on the things that you can do to make the world just a little bit of a better place.

I think the idea of world peace is a lofty goal, but it's actually just a goal made up of a million other little goals.

And the fact that you can create a space for someone to just, who knows, sit down with their lunch tray and just feel free for 30 minutes, that can be lifesaving to somebody.

So you should focus on the things that truly keep people alive, like GSAs.

You will have a more tremendous impact on the world and on your peers when you are focused on creating those spaces and not focused on the fears about what might come if you make those spaces.

Because they will always be fear when you are choosing to live a life authentically and openly.

And until we reach that day, right?

Where we don't have to worry about that, let's shift our thinking to all of the good that we can do by being ourselves, and not all of the terror that can come from people who aren't ready to accept us yet.

(audience applauding) - So Chasten, I want to very quickly say, as a fellow author and gay man, it is an absolute pleasure to be in the same room as you.

- [Chasten] Oh, thank you.

- Although there have been some pretty significant steps forward for the gay community in recent years, it does feel now like the trans community specifically are being targeted.

And unfortunately that doesn't always exclude the LGBTQ community from that.

So in your opinion, why is there transphobia in the LGBTQ or specifically gay community?

And what can we as allies or members of the community do to stop it?

- Yeah, well, we certainly wouldn't be here today had it not been for the activism of trans people, right?

(audience applauding) You can't climb the ladder and then just get off when it feels easy for you, right?

And it's really important for people in our community, especially white gay men, to realize that we get to walk through the world with a lot more privilege than other people in our community.

And like we were talking about earlier, what are you doing with your privilege to help other people?

Number one, call it out.

When you hear it, when you see it, you gotta call it out.

All of that work shouldn't be on the shoulders of a marginalized community.

It should be on people who are maybe not even in the community, but especially if you are in that community and they're going after somebody else.

What makes you think that when they're done kicking that person down, they're not coming after you.

So recognize that you have privilege in this world and you should use it.

And one of the great ways that I feel like I've become a better ally to the trans community is by sitting down and learning from the trans community and saying, and being really honest about the fact that when I grew up in Traverse City of Michigan, I didn't know any trans people.

And when I went to college, I didn't know any trans people.

And so being able to empathize with someone's story is one of the first steps to being a good ally.

And so you shouldn't be jumping on the internet with a bunch of opinions until you can actually try to put yourself in their shoes and empathize with their lived experience.

They're tremendous trans organizations in this country who are ready and willing to help you learn and unlearn some of the things that you might think about the trans community.

But it's a worthy thing to call out because I think some of the vitriol coming from some of this very, very vocal minority of the Republican party.

And a party who's not really like pushing that away too.

So I guess it's the majority of them.

They're not stopping at the trans community.

They're not stopping there.

And if you don't recognize that the fight is about everyone, we need you to change your tune.

So I hope that you'll find ways to maybe help people in your own life or your own community, or even when you see things offer people the opportunity to learn and recognize that so many of us, this wasn't the goal for a lot of trans people.

The goal was that we could live openly and safely and exist equally in the United States of America.

It wasn't marriage for everyone.

And so some of us got rights.

(audience applauding) Not everybody thought that was the number one goal.

So we should just recognize that there are other fights because we got things like this.

You might need to jump into another fight too.

- All right, we've got a question over here.

- Okay, I've been meaning to ask this question to you, not only as a member of the LGBTQ community, but as a minority herself.

And I wanted to ask your input on something.

So whenever people use certain slurs and then they say things like, it's just a joke.

How would you as a parent and a teacher respond?

- Oh, ask them why it's funny.

That was usually one of my first responses when I taught middle school.

Can you please explain to me, or sometimes in the rest of the class why that word is funny?

Help me understand.

And then when they stumble through their really bad response, say, I'm so sorry, I'm just not getting it yet.

Help me understand why that's funny.

Give them an opportunity to realize that they've made a mistake and own up to it.

There are so many different ways you can respond to this.

Sometimes it was letting it go and then finding the right time to pull someone aside and help them understand why that term is really offensive.

Sometimes in a very heated moment in the classroom when a word was thrown out, I recognize that it wasn't just about the word, it was a teaching opportunity.

And that the most important thing in that moment could be teaching this mini lesson.

That came out in my classroom when the word aids was being used as an insult.

And the breaks came to a halt in the classroom and the same thing happened.

Excuse me, can you help me understand what that word means and why it's funny.

And then we had to do a little research project.

(audience laughing) Safety always comes first.

In any conversation, we should always prioritize your safety.

So please know I preface everything with that.

But if you're in the position to stop someone in their tracks and say, oh, oop, actually that's a really offensive word.

I've had to do that with people in my own life who maybe haven't recognized that yet.

And when you mess up, 'cause we will all mess up.

If you mess up and somebody corrects you, that's a learning opportunity and that is a gift, especially if they're not getting up from the table and walking away and cutting you outta their life forever.

Recognize that someone's saying, oh actually that's really offensive, or that's not a joke and here's why.

Just say thank you.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Thank you for telling me.

And then move on.

And whether you use the wrong pronoun or you use a word that you shouldn't be using, recognize it when someone calls you out.

It's just their way of trying to help you be a better ally.

And when we try to put a little empathy into our actions there and not go through the world, say like, you're a bigot, you're a bigot, you're a bigot.

I believe that I can be a more effective ally if rather than like beating someone over the head with a two by four.

I just lay it down and I continue to build a bridge to hopefully help them get to where I would like them to be to get to the right side of history.

But I know that's not always the easiest thing to do it, especially on the internet.

So, hi.

- First of all, thank you so much for being here and writing this book.

I know it'll help so many queer people all around the world.

As a young transgender person, I find it increasingly hard to motivate the LG and B parts of our wonderful queer community to help stand up for young trans people like me.

What do you think I could say and do to help motivate those people?

- Hmm.

I think we have the ability to move people when there's real...

I don't know where you went.

Oh there you're.

And she was gone.

When we are able to root our experiences in our humanity, I have felt this before too as a gay person, when someone maybe has never met a gay person before or thinks they've never met a gay person before, Well create conversations that we can have are just rooted in our experiences, our fears, our hopes, our wants, our dreams.

Because then you're not a talking point, then you're not this like elusive trans person that just exists out there.

You're a real person with feelings and experiences and you have goals and you have dreams.

And also you just want to do everything that everybody else wants to do, right?

Part of writing a book like this and talking about your experience is kind of weird for me because I never thought a majority of my life or part of my career would be talking about being gay.

It's not the thing that I necessarily wanted to be a professional in.

(audience laughing) And if you ask some people not a professional gay.

(audience laughing) But I don't have the fashion sense, I don't always want to talk about being gay.

I don't want that to be the thing that people associate me with.

I'm a teacher, I'm a dad, I have other goals and dreams and wants.

I don't want you to just think about me as gay person.

I just want to be Chasten And maybe having a conversation with some of your friends or people about I hope you realize that in this fight for equality, I don't want to be known as the trans person.

I am a person and I would like to move beyond this as well.

I hope you recognize that this isn't what I would like to be doing with my life too.

Fighting for my equality, fighting for my existence, fighting for the right to exist in this space.

The same way you get to exist in this space.

So can you recognize that about me?

Can you recognize that this isn't what I want my entire existence to be wrapped up in?

And I think we have the ability to create meaningful relationships and especially with our allies when we can root some of that action in our shared humanity.

So I hope that helps and I really appreciate you being here and asking the question.

- Hi, I have the privilege of serving on a suburban school board in a very blessedly progressive community.

What would you tell school board members and school administrators about how best to support young people?

I know that our LGBTQ students are very aware of the hatred that's being directed at them, especially from our state government right now.

So what should we be doing to best support them?

- Well, one thing if you're... Did you say you're on the school board?

One thing that folks should consider is that you don't have to wait for the bigotry to show up for you to speak out about equality.

They're proactive things you could be doing right now from making sure that spaces exist and making sure that books exist to making sure that your teachers know that you have their backs.

Because so many teachers are terrified right now.

And that's the point of these don't say gay bills is to be so vague that everyone just sort of retreats back into the closet out of fear of losing their job.

So make sure that all these people know that you have their backs.

And then are there proactive things that you could be doing or passing, legislating to make sure people know that if that kind of hatred rears its head in your community, you've already done something to sort of build a wall against it.

We don't have to wait for it to bubble up.

We can sort of put our foot down right now.

There's another thing that I like talking to parents about.

Just like we were talking about we don't want our whole existence to be like wrapped up in our identity.

And so you don't always have to be like the most vocal ally always making things about identity or the LGBTQ community you can also just be about making sure that everyone knows that they belong.

That it's not specifically about the LGBT community, it's about everybody.

'Cause there's so many elements of inclusion that should expand beyond the LGBT community.

It should be for everybody.

And it can also feel a little uncomfortable as a young person when you might feel like you're constantly being called out or pointed to like you are different and we love you and you are accepted.

It's like, oh my god, just let me like live.

You know what it's like especially as a teenager, right?

So there's just a couple questions that you can think about.

Yeah.

- Hi.

I am a transgender individual and with all of the laws coming out to try and oppress us and remove the rights that we have had in place for such a short time coming out.

When you were young and there weren't laws that protected you and your identity, how did you find the strength to continue on and not just feel overwhelmed by the terror?

- I appreciate that question.

The truth is, I was overwhelmed by the terror mostly because I didn't know that it was okay to be gay for 18 years.

I really thought something was wrong with me.

I didn't grow up in a time or a place where people were talking about gay people as if it was just another thing.

So one thing I want folks to consider is that we have made tremendous progress in some areas.

We're having this conversation right now.

This book wouldn't have existed when I was in middle school.

So there are measurable things that we can see that have changed.

But that doesn't change the fact that you might still be living in terror.

And again, the work doesn't fall on you.

The work falls on a lot of the other adults in the room.

I know we're running out of time.

I wanna say one thing about this.

Attacking trans people works for certain folks in politics and I'm sorry, these people were elected to make your life easier and better and safer.

Not just your life, but everybody's life.

And they got together in a room and they all threw everything at the wall and they saw what would stick and it was attacking you.

It wasn't fixing the roads or the bridges or things that actually impact everyone's life, especially every young person like gun violence.

It was attacking vulnerable young people.

They raise a lot of money off of it.

They stoke a lot of fear and outrage about it.

Again, like we were talking, even within the own LGBTQ community, a lot of people don't know a lot about trans people, right?

And so it's a very easy thing to drive a cudgel in between the American people and the trans community.

And it's lazy.

It's just really lazy.

It requires no work, none.

You can go on the floor of the House, say something ridiculous, go on a podcast, repeat it, put in an email, raise a bunch of money off of it, rinse and repeat.

They don't wanna do the work.

They don't wanna make your life better.

And so the work is not on your shoulders, it's on the rest of the people in the room.

Especially if you have that platform of privilege.

It's okay to remind your elected officials of what the real issues facing the American people are.

And not to get too punting political, but there are real issues affecting everyone's life.

I want you to be able to walk through this world feeling the warmth of justice and equality the way everyone else can.

And I know we're out time.

- I think so I the perfect note to end on anyway.

So thank you so much- - Thank you, happy pride everyone.

- Happy pride.

- Great to be here, thank you.

Thank you.

- We did it.

- We did it.

- All right, so the City Club would like to recognize Plexus Education Foundation and the AIDS Funding Collaborative for their partnership on today's forum.

Today's forum is also part of the City Club's authors and conversation series and partnership with Cuyahoga Arts & Culture and the Cuyahoga County Public Library.

The City Club is grateful to each of these organizations for their support.

Now, we would also like to welcome guests at the tables hosted by the AIDS Funding Collaborative, Brookside High School, Citizen's pride colors plus Youth Center, friends of Dave Nash, friends of Mark Ross, and equality, Lake Erie Ink.

MC2 STEM High School and Plexus.

So thank you guys all for being here today.

(audience applauding) So up next on Friday, June 16th, the City Club will be hosting their inaugural Sadiq forum on the Islamic World featuring author Reza Aslan.

Now he'll be discussing his new book, "An American Martyr in Persia", and just announced on Thursday, June 29th, Brian Moynihan, chair and CEO of Bank of America will be here at the City Club to discuss priorities and strategies in an ever-changing banking world.

(audience laughing) And you can learn more about these and other forums at cityclub.org.

And that brings us to the end of today's forum.

So thank you again, Chasten.

We really appreciate you being here.

Thank you members and friends of the City Club.

Give yourself a round of applause.

I'm Emma Henderson with WKYC, and now I get to adjourn this forum.

(bell rings) (audience applauding) - [Narrator] For information on upcoming speakers or for podcasts of the City Club, go to city club.org.

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