This and more coming up on the Whitney Reynolds Show.

Real transformation takes place in the healing circle because you have a greater understanding of what happened and a greater human connection to the people impacted by it.

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

I wanted to make sure that she understood that and if she was willing to take this cancer journey.

[Dion] I've actually been more food insecure than food secure my entire life.

It feels like a question because you don't even know if tomorrow comes, what it would look like?

[announcer] Support for the Whitney Reynolds Show is provided by...

Together at Peace, a community dedicated to spreading the light that still shines bright, helping foster a connection to those we love and lost.

Offering suggestions, products, and curated event templates to move forward with their spirits.

We are forever together at peace.

K O'Connor Law Firm.

When it comes to your injuries, we take it personally.

JoePerillo.com, where you can browse their selection of pre-owned luxury vehicles.

JoePerillo.com is based in Chicago and ships all over the country.

And by Fair Oaks Farms, an escape to the country with acres of fun, fresh food and learning where you can explore family-owned farms and reconnect with nature, animals and our planet.

Additional support provided by Kevin Kelly Real Estate Agent, Midwest Moving & Storage.

Brendon Studzinski with State Farm, Bark Busters Chicago, Concierge Aesthetics & Plastic Surgery, and these funders.

Hello and welcome to the Whitney Reynolds Show.

We are so glad that you are joining us.

Today's topic is, "In This Together," and we are meeting people who encompass the saying, have each other's back.

[opening theme music] [Ed] I will always be a better version of me because of Guillermo, Restorative Justice, my family, and having Cliff and the legal center be behind me.

[Whitney] Crime, it happens.

But imagine this.

What if you were the victim of a crime and you had the chance to sit down with the person who committed the act face-to-face and have a conversation?

And what if this encounter and dialog could be the key to keeping them out of prison?

Now, this is a different way of thinking, and it's the idea of Cliff Nellis and his nonprofit.

He is a lawyer operating a free legal firm out of one of Chicago's toughest neighborhoods.

You've got 1,500 juveniles every year getting arrested in a small neighborhood like North Lawndale.

Crime is not something that we can arrest our way out of.

Real transformation takes place in the healing circle because you have a greater understanding of what happened and a greater human connection to the people impacted by it.

[Whitney] This connection happened for Ed, a former gang member whose life was turned around thanks to this unique concept.

[Ed] Leading a gang made me feel like a man again.

I remember being on the ground, like on top of him holding his hands.

I just got terrified.

Like, I just heard screaming and yelling, and I just.

I just took off running-- [Whitney] It was right after high school when Ed and his gang beat up and robbed Guillermo, a delivery man, husband and father.

And instead of heading to prison, Ed sat down with Guillermo in a Restorative Justice Circle.

[Ed] The first thing that I remember saying to Guillermo was, I'm sorry.

And when I said I was sorry, he started tearing up.

This man saw grace and mercy at me and took my sorry and his next response was, "Are you okay?

"Mijo, are you okay?

How are you?"

And I put my head down and I just busted in tears.

[Whitney] Cliff was part of the meeting that changed both of their lives.

They made amends and became friends, and Ed even worked at Guillermo's restaurant.

This friendship lasted until Guillermo's death.

However, the conversation of forgiveness and a new path forward did not end there.

Ed actually had another meeting in the circle, but this time it was with Guillermo's family reflecting on their life friendship, and how that meeting in the circle had a full-circle effect for change.

If I had enough money to build a statue for your dad, I would, because he changed my life and everything that he's done and impacted me, has impacted the people around me and has changed my outlook on life.

If there was anything he shared with me, it was, out of this, he wanted to see you succeed.

What I'm hoping comes out of this is that more people are going to be open to participate in a program like this, to give others a second chance, because I think we all make mistakes and I think everybody deserves a second chance.

[Cliff] The victim is restored and healed.

The defendant takes a more meaningful personal level of accountability, and the community comes together to support that process.

Welcome to the show.

Thanks for having me.

Repair the harm.

Tell us that concept.

Yeah, our current criminal justice system is basically a set of laws and punishments for those laws.

Restorative Justice is really understanding that there's relationships in a community and that crime breaks those relationships or harms those relationships.

And that also for young people in particular, we can understand what is going on in this young person's life that led them to do whatever they did.

And so Restorative Justice is basically allowing people the opportunity to understand the "who" behind the crime, the "what happened," and then bring the victim and the defendant together to heal that harm.

Here on the show, we love to tell the whole story.

We love to get into stories and understand what made our guest who they are.

And with that, you're taking a criminal and telling the person that he or she hurt, this is who they totally are.

So, there's pre-circle work where we meet with a defendant.

We meet with people that they feel safe with, effective community members.

And then we, of course, do the same thing with the victim.

We meet with the victim.

We understand what happened.

And we make sure that everybody is ready before we bring them into a circle.

And then the circle process has a sort of a formula to it, if you will.

Usually start off with a story or a reading then you do some relationship building.

You do some values, some guidelines.

Then you get into what actually happened.

And so, when the defendant takes responsibility, of course, that's a big part of it, right?

I mean, they have to be ready to actually own this.

Right after that, the victim then talks about, you know, this is the impact that it had on me.

When the criminal looks into their story and they're trying to understand what led them to the moment of committing that crime, do you have psychologists that help along the way?

Yeah.

So, a big part of what we do is we connect our young people to psychological services.

So, most of our kids have suffered some pretty serious trauma.

It's really helping them process a lot of the trauma they've experienced that led to some of the decisions they've made so that they can, frankly make different decisions.

I'm liking this model because it's very different, but have you ever thought about the approach before the crime is committed?

Trying to get in with these youth before things happen?

Yeah.

And to be honest, there's a lot of organizations that work on prevention.

I'm a big fan of it as well.

I think we specifically serve only people who are in contact with the criminal justice system.

So, from arrest all the way through parole.

And the reason why we decided to do that is because they are the ones that typically don't get services.

They're the ones that get excluded because they have a felony background.

They're on electronic monitoring.

They may be a little bit, you know, a little harder to work with or reach.

And so that higher risk group tends to get left out.

What gave you this compassionate idea?

Because there is just compassion every which way when you look at this.

I mean, really when it started was I graduated from University of Chicago law school in 2000.

I clerked for a federal judge in Denver.

And then I rode a bicycle from Denver, Colorado, to San Diego, California, to Miami, Florida.

So you're telling me a bicycle ride?

It was a bicycle ride with a Bible, actually.

And I was an atheist before that.

I'd been an atheist for ten years.

And then I had a really powerful experience on that trip.

[Whitney] What was the moment that the dots connected?

It was literally a conversation with a guard outside of a juvenile correctional facility in Springer, New Mexico, which was the first week of my bicycle trip out of Denver.

I headed south into into New Mexico, and Springer, New Mexico had a boys correctional facility there.

I stopped to ask for directions for a lake.

He kind of went off and said-- Literally, I didn't ask.

He just said, "These kids have no hope."

They come in at 13, 14, 15, and they spend the rest of their life in adult prison.

And I knew from law school that he was right.

That the statistics of our system was that we were not doing very well.

When did you know you were going to come back and make these changes and try to present this idea that is such backwards thinking?

So, I actually, after the bicycle trip, I enrolled in seminary school.

I have my Master's of Divinity.

And then it was through seminary school that I combined my legal background with sort of youth pastor work to start a legal center for youth.

Did you ever have this connection with kids and wanting to see the best for our youth prior to this bike ride?

I didn't really have any vision for youth or social justice.

I didn't know any of the complexities of our criminal justice system.

Race in America.

I mean, I was-- I grew up in a White bubble.

How did you approach your first person that was on the other side, not the criminal, but the person that needed to, I guess, give the forgiveness?

Yeah.

-How did you approach that?

-Yeah, that's a great question.

So, I will say in the 13, and now we have 65 staff.

I'm the executive director, so I'm not in court anymore.

But for the first seven, eight years, I was the lead attorney in all of our cases, and I would explain the Restorative Justice process.

I would usually share a little bit about the young person.

Nothing, of course, that would be necessarily incriminating, but give a little more context about who they are, where they go to school with their family's like, you know, some of the challenges in their life.

I can say over 13 years there's probably been only a couple of people who've been like, "Nope, I want this kid to go to jail.

I don't want anything to do with Restorative Justice."

Have you had repeat criminals come back?

So, I don't know if you know this, but we're the lead community agency in North Lawndale that partnered with the chief judge to create the first Restorative Justice community court in the country right here in North Lawndale.

We have about 170, maybe 180 people that have gone through that court, and it fluctuates.

I think it was about an 85% success rate.

Eighty-four to 88% is where it's fluctuated.

So anybody's going to have some people who repeat.

Wow, what is your goal as we go into the new year?

I'm hoping that the the new presiding judge over juvenile court would work with the chief judge and us to start a juvenile call so that this is not just done for 18 to 24 year olds, but really just 24 and under.

Well, thank you for opening our eyes to a new way of thinking and letting us understand that there are two sides to everything and seeing the hope in those sides.

Thank you.

Thanks for having me.

[theme music] Next up, we meet a mom who has gained a strong following by opening up what it truly looks like to be in it together.

I get stares out in public.

You know, I've heard kids go like, "Mom, like, it's a monster," or run from her or like, just say different things because she looked different.

And I was just expecting all of that on social media.

But what I got was like, "Oh, my gosh, she's beautiful.

"You all are amazing.

"Look how you care for her.

Like, she's clean, and her hair is done."

Like, different things like that.

And then DM's with women sending me prayers and, you know, millions of women all over the world from like Tanzania, Uganda, Iran, like, sending me their pictures of their special needs children and telling me their stories and how I'm helping them.

And I'm like, I'm helping somebody?

Like, I'm the one that need the help, you know?

So, I'm helping and inspiring people.

That kept me, you know, moving forward.

[Whitney] This is Nakita Nelson and her daughter.

Plus, their over 400,000 social following.

They know the challenges they are up against, yet they also know life is better together, and decided to open their story to the world, reminding people how much we truly need each other.

I experienced the loss of my son last year and it just seems like everything was going wrong.

And I'm like, you know what?

Like, this is the year.

Like, I have to have something amazing come out of this year so that it just wouldn't be like, so dreadful.

I just was going into a dark spiral, and I just needed something, something bright to hold on to.

I have a mentor for my business endeavors and we became close.

So, she knows what my calling is, and she's like, "Girl, you need to get out here and inspire these special needs moms."

She kept pushing me and pushing me to do so.

I just started from there.

I wrote it down.

I got someone to make me a website.

We had a family photoshoot in the house and we just went from there.

[Whitney] She shares her days on social media, and during this interview had a profound thought with today's topic, "In This Together, and that also includes being there for yourself.

[Nakita] It's definitely not easy.

It's not for the weak or the faint at heart to raise someone with special needs.

I have to wake up like, an hour and a half early because I have a whole human to get dressed.

And she's 24 years old, so she has her attitude.

And she doesn't want to cooperate.

You know, if you're in a rush, that throws your day and timing off.

Life is short.

Do not take it for granted.

Embrace your life.

You know, I always-- You know, some days it's like I have to get up and get Mashaila dressed, and dang, why my life couldn't be like this?

Or why do I have to do this?

But I don't want people and families to dwell in the "why?"

Just do your best with what you have and you'll receive blessings from that.

[Whitney] And blessings she has found.

Her inspiration reaches hundreds of thousands of strangers.

Yet for Nakita, her hope is found every day right down the hall.

[Nakita] Mashaila sees good in everyone and she kind of has discernment or senses when you have a bad day because she's going to come up to you.

She's going to hug you extra.

Like, she hugs everybody.

She loves on everybody.

She's just nothing but love.

That's what I would like everyone to know.

Mashaila is just pure love.

[theme music] Next up, we meet a veteran who has his community's back by filling their bellies.

What do you want people to know your legacy will be one day?

If you could say anything, what would that be?

[Dion] I wouldn't say anything.

I would let it live on its own.

I don't dictate that.

I think for me, I do whatever I can and however they perceive it, they're not wrong.

I don't dictate how they take this.

I just do what I can the best way I can, and however it shakes out, it shakes out.

[Whitney] Go team.

I know, we're doing it.

Oh!

Wow, it is beautiful.

Dion's Chicago Dream.

The name might sound singular and just for one person, but it extends beyond the walls where we taped this interview in West Lawndale.

In fact, it all started with a fridge in an Englewood alley.

Now, both of these neighborhoods have made headlines for violence, but that's not the story today.

We're talking about a dream that is extremely personal.

Combating food insecurity and addressing the issue of food deserts.

I've actually been more food insecure than food secure my entire life.

It feels like a question mark.

It feels like waking up and you're living in that moment.

You're living it that day because you don't even know if tomorrow comes what it will look like?

And so when you're talking food insecurity and hunger, hunger is a feeling, a physical feeling of hunger.

Food insecurity is the lack of consistent, healthy options.

And so you're talking about a lack of access, a lack of quality and a lack of consistency.

And so, food insecurity is not always a poor Black kid in Englewood.

You know, food insecurity can be a family staying on the fringe of the Gold Coast and they just lost their job.

It's about understanding that healthy produce is a right not a privilege.

And because of that, we're honored to do what we do every single day.

I don't always remember the days I was food insecure and sad.

I think about the days I was hopeful.

I think about the days that no matter what, I still felt like I belonged.

And that's what it's about.

It's understanding that, okay, we're here now, but where can we go?

And let's focus on that, because if we just keep looking around and feeling bad for ourselves, then where will that get us?

[Whitney] The dream is now a reality.

And what started as 15 households now has a waitlist.

[Dion] Every single day we're going to do whatever we possibly can to fight food security.

And we're going to do it in a way that champions the resident experience and not the donor experience.

So, when you look at traditional philanthropy and food distribution, it's donor focused.

So, you're looking at the pantry model.

That's people meeting the pantry where they are, not where the person is.

And then when you look at the pantry model, it's about the donor and what food they bring.

It's never about the recipient and the quality they receive.

And so for our organization, not only do we deliver with these weekly boxes, but I have a resident liaison, Desiree, who does biweekly touch-points in every recipient household collecting perception-based data.

So we also know how they feel about our organization, our programming, and quality of the produce.

[Whitney] Food that is fueling not only bodies, but also hope.

And I look at my life and I realize that all of my life I've been taught to be in the micro and I never was.

Food insecurity, homelessness, the military, and now my organization.

All things has to be anchored in the micro to truly get that equity, to truly get that programming and that impact that we ultimately want.

So, I'm only challenging myself, my team and even the people, the residents, because that's who we answer to, to imagine what could be.

And now to a couple who said, I do, and together forever.

They decided to tie the knot because they knew together forever might be limited.

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

I wanted to make sure that she understood that I was committed to it, and and if she was willing to take this cancer journey.

And that was a question.

You know, I wanted her to have an out if she wanted to be alone for this journey because it's not always pleasant.

So, that's when I knew I wanted to propose to her and ask her, and just somehow fit that piece of the puzzle.

And it felt right.

We both went all in.

I made a decision immediately that I was all in.

[giggling] I was wondering if you regret that decision.

But you don't have to answer that now.

No, I do not.

[Whitney] He was diagnosed with incurable cancer.

I heard Brian collapse on the floor in the bathroom and start screaming.

I went in there and he was not well and I ended up needing to call the paramedics.

They took him to the hospital, and that night I found myself sitting in the waiting room after they wheeled him into surgery and told me that there was a 50/50 chance of his survival.

They didn't know exactly what was going on.

They knew that there was either a giant tumor or some sort of a hematoma.

He had his regular CT scan and found out that he had 12-ish tumors in his abdomen that were growing quite aggressively.

[Brian] Imagine distilling everything in your life into a moment, and it's overwhelming even to remember now.

And so that turns up the volume on my desire to live a little more fully and to be a little more honest and present and open, because I don't know how much time I have.

I'm living a fairly normal life, except that when I see that calendar item in three months to get a CT scan, I realize, oh, I might not make it past six months or nine months or a year, right?

I had to shift my understanding of mortality.

My timeline became potentially significantly shorter than I had originally planned.

In the center of that crisis, there's the bitter of the things that we're afraid of and the things that we're sad about.

There's a sense of aliveness when we're staring at our mortality that we get in very rare situations.

I think that's part of why people do extreme sports because we get to feel alive.

And so Brian and I get to look at each other, not every day, but many days and go, oh, yeah, our time is limited.

How do we want to use this?

All of us have illustrations in our lives.

This just happens to be one that's pretty visible about the fact that we can still find joy and happiness and bitter and, like, live a full spectrum life.

Get mad at each other.

You know, all the regular things.

live a full spectrum, brave and beautiful life, no matter what's going on in the world.

[Brian] Mortality and my health journey lately had such a deep resonance for me.

I was quite overwhelmed during the ceremony I remember that, and I had to look up and just focus on Catherine for a moment because of a kind of sadness and extraordinary joy that came all together.

[Catherine] We did some very unique vows.

We acknowledged the possible shortness of our time together.

We also acknowledged our own shortcomings and the way that we have a tendency to show up with each other that's not always helpful.

[Brian chuckles] Like, we acknowledged all of it and simply made a commitment to be with each other in the realness of all of it.

Today's guests are a reminder that better is together.

Remember, your story matters.

[announcer] Support for the Whitney Reynolds Show is provided by...

Together at Peace, a community dedicated to spreading the light that still shines bright, helping foster a connection to those we love and lost.

Offering suggestions, products, and curated event templates to move forward with their spirits.

We are forever together at peace.

K O'Connor Law Firm.

When it comes to your injuries, we take it personally.

JoePerillo.com, where you can browse their selection of pre-owned luxury vehicles.

JoePerillo.com is based in Chicago and ships all over the country.

And by Fair Oaks Farms, an escape to the country with acres of fun, fresh food and learning where you can explore family-owned farms and reconnect with nature, animals and our planet.

Additional support provided by Kevin Kelly Real Estate Agent, Midwest Moving & Storage.

Brendon Studzinski with State Farm, Bark Busters Chicago, Concierge Aesthetics & Plastic Surgery, and these funders.

[Whitney] For more information on today's program, visit WhitneyReynolds.com or get social with us.

Facebook @WhitneyReynoldsShow, Twitter @whitneyreynolds, or on TikTok and Instagram whitney_reynolds.

[kids] Our mommy!