Subcarrier
Indigo De Souza
Season 6 Episode 11 | 26m 25sVideo has Closed Captions
Indigo De Souza from Asheville, NC
Over three albums, Indigo De Souza unabashedly confronts the pain and celebrates the joys of life. Her songs are at once anthemic, intimate, and inspiring.
Problems playing video? | Closed Captioning Feedback
Problems playing video? | Closed Captioning Feedback
Subcarrier is a local public television program presented by APT
Subcarrier
Indigo De Souza
Season 6 Episode 11 | 26m 25sVideo has Closed Captions
Over three albums, Indigo De Souza unabashedly confronts the pain and celebrates the joys of life. Her songs are at once anthemic, intimate, and inspiring.
Problems playing video? | Closed Captioning Feedback
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Learn Moreabout PBS online sponsorship(logo whirring) (logo buzzes) (gentle music) (gentle music continues) (gentle music continues) (gentle music continues) ♪ You were darker than death ♪ ♪ When I spoke to you last ♪ ♪ You were darker than death ♪ ♪ When I spoke to you last ♪ ♪ Was it something I said ♪ ♪ Was it something I did ♪ ♪ Was it something I said to you, darling ♪ ♪ I'm sorry, I never meant to ♪ (solemn rock music) ♪ Stay out so late ♪ ♪ I got carried away ♪ (solemn rock music) (gentle music) (gentle music continues) ♪ Was it something I said ♪ ♪ You left me crushed ♪ ♪ Were you losing your head ♪ ♪ Over something that you lost ♪ ♪ And did you feel it too ♪ ♪ When we both went blind ♪ ♪ You wouldn't even look me in, oh, darling ♪ ♪ You wouldn't look me in the eyes ♪ (solemn rock music) ♪ Was it something I said ♪ ♪ Was it something I said ♪ ♪ Was it something I said ♪ ♪ Was it something that I said ♪ (solemn rock music) ♪ Oh ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ (solemn rock music) (solemn rock music continues) (audience cheering) - Thank you.
(somber rock music) (somber rock music continues) ♪ Dawn breaks overhead ♪ ♪ I'm not the girl you thought I was ♪ ♪ But I am close ♪ ♪ Close enough ♪ ♪ Was it something that I said ♪ ♪ Is it the way I stood so still and never moved ♪ ♪ Now every dirty dish is in a mood ♪ ♪ And so are you ♪ (somber rock music) (audience cheers) ♪ He's not on our side ♪ ♪ But I could save you ♪ ♪ If you'd like ♪ ♪ Just let me in there ♪ ♪ Past that high chair ♪ ♪ And I will dwell in every crane I see ♪ ♪ The hollow pleasures spoke to me ♪ ♪ Like someone's gonna preach once I am gone ♪ ♪ I want to believe that you've got a good heart ♪ (solemn guitar music) ♪ Oh, I want to believe that you've got a good heart ♪ ♪ Oh, I want to believe ♪ (somber rock music) ♪ That you've got a good heart ♪ ♪ Oh, I want to believe that you've got a good heart ♪ ♪ Oh, I want to believe in some things ♪ ♪ I happen to read on the inside of fortune cookies ♪ ♪ I want to say no when I'm offered a hit ♪ ♪ And it ruins my weekend ♪ ♪ I'm nothing but trouble, watching you sleep ♪ ♪ Brushing your teeth and laughing at me ♪ ♪ I'm nothing but trouble ♪ ♪ Baby, believe in me ♪ (audience cheering) - [Audience Member 1] Yeah!
- [Audience Member 2] Oh my God!
I love you!
(singer chuckles) - Oh my God.
Thank you.
- [Audience Member 3] Yeah!
(audience cheering) - Yeah.
This place is so awesome.
(audience cheers) This is the first place we've played in Birmingham and also the first time we've been here in this venue, and this, yeah.
(audience cheers) This whole venue blows my mind, and there's like an apartment upstairs where we're gonna sleep tonight, and it's insane that that's not how every single venue is.
(audience cheers) It's so comforting and nice, and, yeah, I really appreciate everyone that's working.
Thank you, guys.
(audience cheers) (solemn guitar music) (solemn guitar music continues) (solemn guitar music continues) (drumsticks clacking) (tender rock music) ♪ In the parking lot, I feel like I am losing touch ♪ ♪ And the shopping carts keep rolling, barely holding up ♪ ♪ And everything inside keeps beeping, talking, telling me ♪ ♪ To put the item back into the bag again ♪ ♪ I'm back again ♪ ♪ It's like I never left, I never left ♪ ♪ In the parking lot, I feel like I am somewhere else ♪ ♪ I text my boss and say that I'm not feeling well ♪ ♪ And I'm not sure what is wrong with me ♪ ♪ But it's probably ♪ ♪ Just hard to be a person feeling anything ♪ ♪ I'm back again ♪ ♪ I've gotta eat somehow, I feel the pull ♪ ♪ I feel a banging in my skull ♪ ♪ I'm a growing girl, my ups and downs are natural ♪ (tender rock music) ♪ When the day is done, I feel like I could turn to dust ♪ ♪ I cannot breathe, I cannot hold my own head up ♪ ♪ And I'm not sure what would help or if there's anything ♪ ♪ Maybe I'll just always be ♪ ♪ A little bit sad ♪ (audience cheering) Thank you.
I don't know what I would tell younger Indigo.
I guess what I would tell her is that she has more control over her life than she thinks, because the world kind of tries to make you feel like you have to do everything the way that you're taught and you kind of feel limited for a while until you break out and realize that, yeah, you're dying and that's crazy and it's fleeting, and you can actually really pour as much intention into your life as you want and really just kind of embrace the preciousness of every moment.
Yeah, 'cause I think, when I was really little, I was just utterly confused by being alive, which is weird that, like, I don't know what was wrong with me, but from a toddler, I was just like, why?
Like, why are we here?
What are we doing?
And, yeah, I didn't like myself very much, so.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I guess I would just encourage her in that way.
(gentle music) (gentle music continues) (gentle music continues) (gentle music continues) ♪ When I was younger ♪ ♪ Younger and dumber ♪ ♪ Built like a flower ♪ ♪ You came to pick me from out of the city ♪ ♪ You turned me sour ♪ ♪ When I was younger ♪ ♪ Younger and prouder ♪ ♪ I was nobody ♪ ♪ You came to hurt me in all the right places ♪ ♪ Made me somebody ♪ (gentle music) ♪ Which way will I run ♪ ♪ When I want something new ♪ ♪ I don't feel at home ♪ ♪ In this house anymore ♪ ♪ Which way will I run ♪ ♪ When I'm over you ♪ ♪ I don't feel at home ♪ ♪ In this town ♪ (gentle music) ♪ Sometimes, I just don't wanna be alone ♪ ♪ And it's not 'cause I'm lonely ♪ ♪ It's just 'cause I get ♪ ♪ So tired of filling ♪ ♪ The space all around me ♪ ♪ And the love I feel is so powerful ♪ ♪ It can take you anywhere ♪ ♪ And the love I feel is so very real ♪ ♪ It could drag you down ♪ ♪ Oh, oh ♪ ♪ Which way will I run ♪ ♪ When I want something new ♪ ♪ I don't feel at home ♪ ♪ In this house anymore ♪ ♪ Which way will I run ♪ ♪ When I'm over you ♪ ♪ I don't feel at home in this town ♪ (solemn music) (solemn music continues) ♪ When I was younger ♪ ♪ Younger and dumber ♪ ♪ I didn't know better ♪ (audience cheering) Before, like, when I was younger and more chaotic, I had a lot of friends around me who were also as depressed and messed up as I was, and I thought that that solidarity was life-giving, and then I, during the pandemic, made this shift and realized that that wasn't aiding my mental health, and I kind of entered into this realm of loneliness.
Like, I was just alone for a while, because I just didn't really like the way my life looked, and so I just kind of took a step back and was by myself and was in lockdown, and that's when I wrote the majority of these songs, when I was just self-reflecting and connecting with myself, and it almost felt like reconnecting with myself, like from a childhood self.
And then, yeah, I wrote a lot of songs, and then I ended up meeting a lot of new friends because I just felt better in my body and was like, yeah, just loved myself more and had been treating myself and my life and my existence much kinder, and so I kind of manifested people in my life that were doing the same and who wanted to celebrate the world and each other and nature, and, yeah, and I think that's the kind of community I've wanted since I was a child.
Like, I found notes in my memory box the other day when I was helping my mom move that were like "to older Indigo," and it was all about how this is what I wanted my life to look like, and it blew my mind, 'cause I didn't remember even writing that, but, yeah, I feel like I could die any day now and I would be happy, because, yeah, my life looks really nice.
Like, I just have really great relationships, and I feel really connected to a lot of people.
(somber rock music) (somber rock music continues) ♪ Always ♪ ♪ Always, I see her ♪ ♪ Going inside ♪ ♪ Counting her steps ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Always ♪ ♪ Always believe her ♪ ♪ No matter what ♪ ♪ No matter when ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Always ♪ ♪ Trying her best ♪ ♪ Oh ♪ (intense rock music) ♪ Ah ♪ (intense rock music) ♪ Ah ♪ (intense rock music) ♪ Father ♪ ♪ I thought you'd be here ♪ ♪ I thought you'd try ♪ ♪ I thought you'd stay ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Father ♪ ♪ What will you be here ♪ ♪ If you can't work ♪ ♪ If you can't play ♪ ♪ Oh, oh oh ♪ ♪ Always ♪ ♪ Having a day ♪ ♪ Ah ♪ (intense rock music) ♪ Ah ♪ (intense rock music) ♪ Ah ♪ (intense rock music) (intense rock music continues) (intense rock music continues) (audience cheering) (guitar note plays) - One, two, three, four.
One, two.
♪ When pain is real ♪ (audience cheers) (solemn guitar music) ♪ You cannot run ♪ ♪ You can cover ♪ ♪ But come undone ♪ ♪ And love might go ♪ ♪ But is not gone ♪ ♪ I still feel you ♪ ♪ I still feel you ♪ ♪ When love is real ♪ (solemn rock music) ♪ You cannot sit ♪ ♪ You can hover ♪ ♪ But never quit ♪ ♪ And carry on ♪ ♪ As you were ♪ ♪ I still know you ♪ ♪ Oh, I still know you ♪ ♪ I don't believe the things I've done ♪ ♪ I don't believe the weight I've been ♪ ♪ Going ♪ ♪ Oh, oh ♪ ♪ Going ♪ ♪ Oh, oh ♪ ♪ Going ♪ ♪ Oh, oh ♪ ♪ Going ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Going ♪ ♪ Going ♪ ♪ Going ♪ (singer vocalizing) (solemn rock music) (singer continues vocalizing) (singer continues vocalizing) (singer continues vocalizing) (singer continues vocalizing) ♪ I wanna kick, wanna scream, I wanna know ♪ ♪ It's not my fault ♪ (lively rock music) ♪ I wanna know it's not my fault ♪ ♪ I didn't mean it ♪ ♪ I wanna kick, wanna scream, I wanna know it's not my fault ♪ ♪ I wanna know it's not my fault ♪ ♪ I didn't mean it ♪ (lively rock music) ♪ Hey, hey ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪ ♪ Hey, hey ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ (audience cheering) - Thank you.
Thank you.
(audience continues cheering) Thank you, guys, so much.
I'll see you later.
(audience continues cheering) (audience continues cheering) (audience continues cheering) (audience continues cheering) (gentle music)


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