- Just hearing the words hospice and funeral can cause sadness and even create negative emotions in some people but these services help provide comfort during uncomfortable times.

End of life care, coming up next on Inspire.

(calm music) - [Announcer] Inspire is sponsored by Kansas Furniture Mart.

Using furniture to inspire conversation, and by the Blanche Bryden Foundation.

(upbeat music) - Hello and welcome to Inspire.

I'm here with my co-host Betty Lou Pardue and Amber Dickinson.

Everybody's end of life story is different.

Death can come suddenly or with some, illness takes a person and their families on a long journey leading to their loved one gradually fading away.

- There are many ways to provide care for people who are near the end of life and it often involves a team of family members, doctors, hospice nurses and inevitably funeral directors.

- Planning ahead takes some of the stress away for our loved ones, allowing our families to go through the grieving process.

Here to teach us about end of life care and services is Tiffany Brubaker from Midland Care.

We thank you for being with us on Inspire.

And somebody might not know what the word, the term, hospice means.

Will you explain please?

- Certainly.

So hospice care is care that's provided within the last six months of life.

Now that's not a timeline or a deadline, that just means if someone chooses to provide or receive comfort care as opposed to curative care, so they wanna focus on some managing symptoms, pain, and they have that expectation that if the disease has gone its natural course, that they may pass in six months, then they qualify for hospice services.

Our model is holistic.

So we focus on mind, body, spirit, which is very different than the traditional westernization of medicine we see.

So it's not the medical management model.

It is a holistic team providing care.

So we have a chaplain, a nurse, a social worker, a bath aid, and then our very talented hospice physicians.

- So tell us what happens in a hospice setting, 'cause I've never known anybody to go through it.

- Certainly.

So we do have a hospice setting because at Midland Care we have our hospice house on our campus.

But hospice is not a setting or a location of care, it's more of a philosophy of care.

So when you're receiving hospice care, it's usually, most of the care we provide even having the inpatient unit is in the home setting, wherever that home may be.

So that could be long term care, assisted living, independent living, Topeka Rescue Mission.

It really is wherever that individual lives is their home setting.

- So in addition to this holistic care that you're providing the person who's actually going through hospice, what kind of benefits can a family experience when they have a loved one going through hospice?

- I appreciate you bringing up that question because often, once again, with the traditional modern medicine, we have the patient and we kind of have where the doctor tells you what to do and what you're going to take.

And in hospice, it's not just the patient, but the family members are considered part of that unit of care.

And so not only do you have that kind of support through counseling and planning, but then hospice does provide medications, equipment and supplies.

And so that can be a huge benefit for many families who might not have access to those or have, you know, economic situations that prevent them from having utilization of those services.

Hospice eliminates some of those barriers to receiving the care you need at end of life.

- I've heard people say that their family member has gone through it or they as a family have gone through it, and there's actually a beautiful experience.

How?

- It is.

So, I really stress and I love to get out into the community and talk about hospice because it's kind of looked at as a negative word, like it's the H word, we don't say hospice.

- [Amber] Yeah, yeah.

- [Betty] Yeah.

- And it really robs us of the opportunity to provide meaning at end of life.

And so, I love to be able to talk about how, if you can get more towards that six months and not wait till those final hours, then you really receive the maximum benefit.

If you're waiting until the very end of life, well then we'll get your symptoms managed and we'll provide our bereavement service.

So at Midland, we have the Center for Hope and Healing and we follow the loved ones' journey for 13 months following the death of their loved one.

However, that's not good utilization of this service.

We, when done well, provide maximum therapeutic benefit.

We're walking this journey alongside of you.

I mean, we're not coming in and solving the world's problems, that's not what we're able to do, but we're really able to help them come to terms with what's next and accept that if they're willing and wanting to accept that.

Or sometimes people don't, sometimes they're angry.

I helped at the hospice house a few nights ago and the patient that passed was my age.

And that was a hard journey for me because no one wants to accept, I don't even wanna accept that.

Oh yeah.

- This was my for time meeting this lovely lady.

So it is hard.

Hospice is hard because losing is hard, but denying that and being in denial doesn't allow us to work through the process that's inevitable anyways.

- You just shared several things that I was unaware of.

First of all, I'm thinking a hospice situation is like maybe the last couple of weeks of a person's life.

So, you saying six months totally changed my thought.

And then also, you're talking about a young woman.

Again, I'm thinking that hospice is for older people.

Talk more about that.

- Certainly.

So with, specific to Midland care, we do accept pediatric populations.

- [Danielle] Oh my God.

- And that is always, you know, challenging for all involved because that doesn't make sense and that's not fair.

- [Danielle] Mm-hmm.

- However, once again, there's a myth that you choose hospice means you're choosing to die and that's simply not the case.

Nothing we do hastens or shortens or anything with that prognosis.

Personally, I'm spiritual.

I believe God gave me an expiration date.

I don't know when that is.

I hope many, many, many decades from now.

- Right.

- [Tiffany] We do too?

- We do too, yeah.

- Thank you.

(all laughing) But I think that's the hard part with hospice is because we wait till those final moments because we think if we choose hospice, then we're choosing to pass and that's not the choice that's being made.

The choice when choosing hospice is I'm choosing comfort, I'm choosing to not go to the hospital.

You know there comes a point of time where the hospital no longer has that fix it button, or are the risks worth the benefits?

And there's going to be a point in time where it's not, and that's when families come to hospice and say, "let's focus on comfort, there's no cure," or, "I don't want the cure," or, "the cure is going to cause more hurt and pain and suffering and I don't want that for my future."

And that happens, unfortunately, at any age.

Cancer, as we were just speaking about.

- Right.

- Our work with the American Cancer Society, cancer has no age, it is blind to all involved.

And so we do unfortunately receive those recipients, it is a privilege and an honor to be able to provide that end of life care, even if it's a little hard- - Right.

- For us as people.

- So it sounds like there is a big emphasis on sort of the psychological impacts of someone going through hospice care.

So do you tend to see the people that come in that may be nervous or scared or upset, do you tend to see that through hospice care, do they get to a little better place psychologically speaking?

- We see, especially when we maximize the benefit, we have seen that.

And if I may share an example- - [Amber] Please.

- I'm of course with HIPAA, I have to be very vague.

So I won't go into any details, but there was a young woman in her early twenties.

And of course, mom and her resistant, "This is not fair."

- Right.

- But the hospital basically said, "There's no cure.

There's nothing we can do.

You don't wanna come to the hospital.

You're not wanting," you know, "and so let's focus on comfort."

And those were their goals.

And so we were able to come alongside of them and really work through and because we had about three weeks, which is still short.

- [Danielle] Right.

- You may think if you were told today you have three weeks left.

- [Danielle] Left to live, yeah.

- Dealing with that shock, working through that, accepting that, that's a process.

- [Danielle] Mm-hmm.

- And by having trained clinicians that are used to walking this journey alongside, and the more time we have that, the six months, when I've seen patients on six months.

We've seen patients on a year, sometimes more because that's, once again, not an expiration date.

We have no way to know.

But we do see that we're able to provide those resolutions where we're, and maybe not, I mean they're still hurt and there's still pain, but that there is a level of acceptance that we, there's a reconciliation there.

- [Betty] That's wonderful.

- Well, Tiffany, thank you so much for sharing with us and thank you for the work that you and your team are doing over at Midland.

I just, I'm amazed.

And just thank you for everything that you're offering the patient and the families as well as their friends.

So we're going to take a quick break.

When we come back, we'll demystify the mortuary.

Stay with us.

(upbeat music) (calm rhythmic music) - There are studies that show even putting a picture of nature in your home or in your office cubicle can help to decrease stress.

So of course, going outside in real nature is even more stress relieving for us.

(upbeat music) - Also, we know that you can of course exercise while you're outside.

So you could not just sit and listen and relax, which is awesome, but you could exercise by hiking, walking, paddling, biking, all those other outdoor things, disc golf, anything outside could be a combination of soothing for your soul and great for your physical wellbeing.

(upbeat music) - [Jennifer] It's not difficult to get out into nature at all, whether you live in the country or the city.

So you can really get out into nature in your own backyard.

There's lots of state parks, city parks that you can visit.

(upbeat music) - Today, we're at Kaw River State Park, it's the newest state park in Kansas.

It's located right on the edge of Topeka next to the train, next to the river, next to the highway but it feels like we're in the middle of the woods because we are.

When we're outside in nature, the healing properties include the sounds and the smells of nature.

It just brings us back maybe to our youth, to time that we used to play outside or be creative and imaginative of being outside.

Just listening to all the nature around us, even when there's a car or motorcycle going past, I can still hear the birds.

And being grounded in nature, so feeling attached to the earth actually is really helpful for people.

(upbeat music) There's initial research that shows spending time in nature, not even fast walking or running, but just being outside helps decrease your A1C, if you have diabetes, it decreases your stress, your anxiety, your heart rate, your high blood pressure, just getting outside does all of those things.

It's great for our whole wellbeing.

- [Jennifer] This is Jennifer and Denise with Dirty Girl Adventures.

- [Denise] We hope we've inspired you to get out and get dirty.

(upbeat music) (energetic music) - Thank you for staying with us.

We now have Lisa Manley and Audrey Bell joining us via Zoom.

Both are funeral directors and embalmers for Warren-McElwain Mortuary and Cremation Services.

Hello, thank you so much for joining us today.

So we'll just jump right into it.

And we're really curious about what kind of advice would you give to someone who is faced with planning a funeral?

- I'd say the best advice is just, you know, getting to know and coming into the funeral home and talking and getting all of the arrangements set up, whether that's someone at need or if someone is in a pre-arrangement situation, just coming in and feeling comfortable and getting to know the funeral director and they'll help you each step of the way.

- Yeah, I think also with the pre-planning portion, if you're leaving your wishes with your family, it's easier for them in the long run when they are coming in to make at-need arrangements, that they have a guide of what the wishes were of their deceased loved one.

- And funerals have changed so much.

Some people prefer to have it more somber and some people like to just have a party.

And again, I'm guessing that that's whatever the family prefers or the deceased has said they prefer.

- We have, like, for example, funerals with very traditional music.

And yesterday our church funeral, the wife had asked for peppy music and we had a six man band and they just had a celebration.

- Is that one of the newer trends in the industry then, that people are choosing more of a celebration instead of something so somber?

- I would say, yes.

It's definitely more of a trend.

We're trying to help people find the right venue for their celebrations.

You know, I know the church setting or mortuary setting is fine for some, but, you know, trying to find a different location is also very important for families as well.

- So when you have someone coming in because they need to make arrangements and perhaps this is not something that they've done before and perhaps they don't necessarily have wishes that have been left behind, what can someone expect when they first come to you to try to get things set up?

- I would just say that we lead them through different options that they have to choose from.

And maybe they go home and think about it and get back in contact with us with what type of service that they're wanting to have.

- We try best to talk through every option that's available, whether it's, you know, a simple cremation, whether it's a service with the body present and then cremation to follow, there's all different options available and we try to talk through, with every family, all the options possible.

- Kind of a unique option here in Lawrence that maybe we do more often than other towns get to is a green burial option.

- Oh, what is that?

- Explain that, yeah.

- It's an all natural burial where there is washing of the body and no embalming, typically a cardboard or banana or bamboo leaf casket and no vault with the burial.

- Now that is unusual.

So that is something that the pre-planning would definitely help.

And can you expand a little bit on the pre-planning 'cause it seems like we're hearing more and more about the importance of that and how you don't want to add extra stress onto the family at an already very sad time.

- Families can go ahead and prepay for that service too.

So that's a less of a burden on the family when the time comes, that it's all taken care of in advance.

It's a stressful time, but it just seems to be a less of a burden for the family when they know all the wishes are down, financially, things are covered, it's just a better experience.

- Everybody involved in the arrangement knows the plan.

- Yeah.

- What are some of the things that we need to think through?

Because I myself have been a part of three funeral service plannings in my life and none of them were pre thought of in a sense.

The death happened and then we had to go from there.

- Right, I would say that, you know, if you're interested in cremation like the type of service you want or earth burial, maybe going as far as purchasing cemetery property down to picking out song selections or deciding what you'd like to be dressed in for your service.

- So for people who might be sort of nervous or, you know, experiencing different stages of grief, you know, what can someone expect when they come and they meet with you?

- Our staff is willing to go to their home, to a mutual site where they feel comfortable to start talking with the arrangements.

A lot of times we'll begin a conversation over the phone too just to help get them more at ease with us and what services and things we can provide before they come in and give them knowledge to know what we're gonna talk about ahead of time is good.

- I'd like to discuss the cost 'cause a lot of people talk about how expensive it is for a funeral.

And you've offered, you know, the green option I would guess is quite a bit less expensive.

Will you elaborate on that?

- The green burial is less expensive, correct.

Cremation is the least expensive option.

And there's also a body donation that we work with out of the University of Kansas or out of a company out of Oklahoma.

- Talk about the body donation because I'm unfamiliar with that.

- The University of Kansas has a program where you can bequeath your body to science, that is an option for families.

Again, they they'll do a study.

You have to sign up in advance for that.

And then, even when someone passes, they have to qualify in a criteria of, you know, if it was an natural passing so they would accept the body for study.

So that is an option.

- And that study is usually up to two years - Years.

(upbeat music) - Lisa and Audrey, thank you for being here with us on Inspire.

And coming up after a very short break, Danielle and Amber and I will be back to continue our discussion.

Do stay with us.

(energetic music) (calm music) - My name is Barbara Waterman-Peters.

I am an artist, specifically a painter, although I work in a number of media.

I paint many subjects.

I paint the figure, I paint flowers, landscapes.

I have done work in many media, oil, watercolor, printmaking, handmade books, jewelry, I illustrate books.

I could go on and on because I have been an artist for more than 60 years.

(upbeat music) I had never wanted to be anything else, I just assumed I was an artist.

It was part of my persona, part of the way I thought of myself.

And it continues to be that.

In fact, I almost think of myself more strongly as an artist than anything else.

It's just there.

It's inherent, immutable as it were.

(upbeat music) I have worked in everything from food service to banking, to teaching.

I have done many different things.

I have done commercial artwork, graphic design, I taught myself how to do airbrush back in the days before there were computers and Photoshop programs.

So yes, I have had to do, I think I have even done childcare now that I think of it.

There had to be other means of income.

We are not among the most well paid individuals.

(rhythmic music) Working in bank, I acquired public relations skills, the importance of records, all of that has been very valuable, but it also taught me to observe human nature.

And even when I'm not painting, I'm often looking at people or objects or landscapes enjoying the way the light hits, the shadows form, the way the figure is moving in space.

So I'm thinking visually even when I am not actually drawing or painting.

(rhythmic music) I hope I do and they in turn inspire me, but I hope by continuing to pursue my art for all these years, shows that A, can be done, B, it's certainly worth it.

And that no matter the things you might be up against, if you really, really wanna make art, you'll find a way to do it.

(calm rhythmic music) Yes, to answer your question in a nutshell, I do hope that I and the artists in here with me do inspire others to continue.

We won't all be around forever.

We want a new group of artists to come in to NOTO or work in their studios and continue creating marvelous art.

I am amazed constantly at the talent in this city and surrounding areas.

I am just blown away by everything we have here and I'm excited and honored to be part of it.

(rhythmic music) (upbeat music) - And we're back.

Ladies, we had a great discussion earlier about end of life care.

It's a topic that makes people really uncomfortable, but they showed us how hospice and funeral services can help and, so what are your takeaways from today's conversation?

- I am one of those that is uncomfortable with this topic, right?

It makes me nervous.

I don't like to think about it.

And I think that, you know, talking to these people that do this on a daily basis is really comforting especially when you see that this is obviously something we're all gonna have to deal with at some point in our lives, and to know what kind of care is available and out there, it makes the topic less uncomfortable.

- And I want Tiffany at my bedside- - Yes.

- When it's time to go.

- Yes.

- An angel personified.

- Yes.

- I mean just the, you need somebody like that.

Somebody who's calm, who's loving, who's receptive and who cares, and genuinely cares.

And not only for the person who is about to pass, but their family, because getting in there, talking about it, resolving conflicts if possible, so that everybody can just kind of have a zen moment at the time.

- That was surprising to me when she brought up this idea that sometimes they help them navigate conflicts.

- [Betty] Right.

- And that just never occurred to me that that would be a part of that process.

I thought that was really interesting and great.

- Well, and I think it's so important for us to put things in motion.

- Yes.

- Ourselves.

- Yes.

- You know, to do a living will or to make sure that we have life insurance ready for that particular time instead of leaving it to our relatives.

I've seen too many times where that's been an afterthought and then those who have survived have to deal with the repercussions of trying to put all of it together, not knowing the person's needs and desires.

And then also trying to come up with the money at the last minute.

And it's just something that needs to be considered well in advance.

And so I really liked the conversation that was had today.

- I did too.

And learning about the washing and kind of the green planting, but then you had something that you've heard about done in another state.

- I've been reading that apparently people are, I don't know who was working on this, I'm sure it's scientists of some kind, but they're working on creating these, essentially sort of like pods that have a tree sapling in them, and then you are buried with this tree sapling and your body sort of fuels the growth of the tree.

And I think it's so beautiful.

I think that what a lovely way to think about this continuing cycle, that maybe your essence is gone or part of who you are physically is gone but there's this thing that's still continuing some of you.

I think that's really amazing.

- [Betty] I love that.

- [Danielle] Awesome representation.

- Branches coming out.

I just think that's, talk about the family tree.

- [Betty] Literally.

- [Danielle] Literally.

- Literary.

And I think having a place to go and talk to your loved or continue that cycle of mourning because it never ends, right?

We grow around our mourning.

We don't stop mourning, we just shift and change and alter and I think something like that is really beautiful.

Definitely.

- [Danielle] Absolutely.

- So, all right.

Well that's all the time we have for today and we sure hope you've been inspired by today's conversation on end of life care.

Don't forget, you can this program again at watch.ktwu.org.

- And if you're so inspired to learn more about our guests and the women making moves in our community, be sure to visit our website at www.ktwu.org/inspire.

- Inspiring women, inspiring you.

on KTWU.

Thank you all for watching (upbeat music) - [Announcer] Inspire is sponsored by Kansas Furniture Mart.

Using furniture to inspire conversation and by Blanche Bryden Foundation.