- Anyone over 50 and realizing how hard it is to find that special someone to spend the best years of our life with?

Coming up on Inspire a discussion on where to go, what to say, and how to find love after 50.

Stay with us.

- [Speaker] Inspire is sponsored by the estate of Ray and Ann Goldsmith.

And the Raymond C and Marguerite Gibson Foundation, and... - [Speaker] Friends of KTWU, we appreciate your financial support, thank you.

(bright music) - Hello and welcome to Inspire.

I'm so excited to be here with my lovely co-host, Betty Lou Pardue.

Remember when we were younger and there were plenty of options of men to choose from, exchanging those numbers, feeling excited about upcoming dates and spending time with someone who was hopefully deserving of our time?

- Indeed, Danielle, those were the good old days.

And remember, I just think back when I was 40, I thought these possibilities are endless.

But now, golly, so much has changed.

Some have been divorced, some are widowed, some who are now ready for commitment.

Where do we begin?

- Here are those today to discuss where we begin and where we should go, what we should say, how we could get back out into the market of finding that special someone is Genevieve Gresset, vice president of public relations and communications for the Matchmaking Company, and she's participating from London and it's well into the evening for you, Genevieve, thank you for joining us this evening.

- You are very welcome, thank you for having me.

- I love your accent.

Let's just start with that and talk to us about people over 50.

Where do we begin?

- Well, the first thing we begin with is understanding what dating is all about now, because I think for some people, they haven't dated perhaps for 10 years, 20, 30 years, perhaps not even in this century, which is really quite scary when you think about it.

So I think the first thing you need to understand is what do you want?

Relationships don't come in two flavors anymore, it's single or in a relationship.

You've got lots of different things now that we need to take into account.

Do you want just something casual?

Are you looking for friendship, companionship, or are you wanting to get married again, live with somebody.

There's lots of things to actually take into account before you start even looking for somebody.

- Okay, but let's get right out there first.

Is it okay to just wanna be single?

- It's absolutely fine to just be single.

Sometimes when you've come outta something, I say to people, if you've been in a long-term relationship, the healthiest thing that you can do is actually connect with yourself and spend some time understanding who you are, how you've changed, and what you want moving forward in a relationship because the first things happen with you.

You've got to start loving yourself again and realizing what it is that's important, what values you have and what you need to be looking for at this stage in your life.

If you've not dated for so many years, you're gonna be in the mindset of when you last dated.

Now that could be when you were 25, 30, whatever that is.

And let's face it, if we go into dating with the same mindset that we have when we were 25 or so, we're not gonna be doing very well in our 50s.

So we have to readjust our own barometer before we even think about entering into a relationship with somebody else.

- Are there rules for dating since there are so many different sites we can choose from?

- I wouldn't say rules, but I would say safety has to come first.

And there's a lot of scammers, there's a lot of people taking advantage, especially of women.

So I think the most important thing is make yourself familiar about what scammers are so that you don't get caught.

If anyone asks for money, if people ask you things that you are uncomfortable with, don't feel bad about just blocking them walking away and if you're online, reporting poor behavior, because people shouldn't make you feel uncomfortable in any situation.

I always say to people, there are three things that you should do before you meet anybody.

One is make sure that you've spoken to them on the phone and ideally had a video chat so that you can see that their photos are genuine and they are genuine for who they are.

And if you're going to meet them, make sure somebody knows where you are going, what time you are going, and make sure you check in when you get back so someone knows that you've arrived home safely.

Your safety has always got to be of paramount importance when it comes to dating.

- And what if you feel like if you've been on a dating app or you feel like that person is like you're just on a job interview, are there certain tactics or ways that you can maybe feel more comfortable?

- Yeah, and you know what, it's really interesting because one of the things that we do, especially as coaches, is we teach people how to not make it like an interview and it's really hard if you haven't dated for a while.

And I always say, go and practice.

Just practice the sorts of questions that you are comfortable answering and the sort of questions that you want to ask that are important to you, know what's important to you.

So if family is really important, you want to make sure that you're meeting someone that meets your needs and meets you at the same level with regard to family values.

So asking questions related to family, how they get on, what they do with their family and allowing them to answer and then you saying what's good for you is the most important thing is understanding what your values are.

- How do you know how much to share and what not to share?

Are there any guidelines when it comes to that and that could be anything from writing your bio to, in terms of pictures, because sometimes, especially for those of us in our 50s, we have to compete against the ones in their 20s who are showing everything and everything.

So how do we know how much to share and not to share?

- Well, first and foremost, you don't want to sell your story.

I think a lot of people go over the top in giving a whole “War and Peace” about themselves when it comes to dating.

They feel that they need to tell their innermost secrets, and men do this more actually than women.

So I just say, give a snapshot of what's important for you and what's aligns with you.

Now when it comes to photos, it's good to show a headshot without sunglasses and with nobody else in the picture and also a full body shot so people know exactly what they're getting.

People are very visual, so it's nice for people to see...

If you've got nice sexy curves, show them.

Obviously you don't want to be in underwear or anything revealing.

You don't have to sort of think that you're keeping up with the Kardashians when it comes to presenting yourself online.

And if people are asking you for sexier photos, which happens all the time, unfortunately, you just have to politely say, look, this isn't for me because obviously they're looking for something casual and maybe something sexual rather than a proper relationship.

So don't get lured into that trap thinking, well, everyone else is sending sexy photos, I need to be doing the same to keep up with everybody else, or no one's going to want me.

The right person will want you for who you are and it's important to remember that.

- But you do want to share a current photo.

I would just like to put that out there.

Don't share something from like back in the 1960s.

I just wanted to put that out there.

- Unless you wanted to see their car that they had.

- You should send something less than three months old, at least within the three months.

- We just had a show here in the US, the Golden Bachelor, so he was 70 and there were a lot of very attractive women.

Is there something that we... Do you think that there are people out there, they're just not letting themselves be known that they're out there?

- Well, because of their age.

Yes, and I think some people hide their age quite a lot.

They shave off at least 10 years as well when it comes to dating.

So is the number one lie online is somebody's age.

So make sure when you're seeing photos, that's why I always say have a video conversation, because then you can actually see that their photos are genuine and they're not 10, 15 years old.

- Because the video doesn't lie, does it?

- No, unless they've got one of these filters on.

I did have a client once say to me, he was very heavily filtered and I couldn't quite understand.

It was almost like he'd put this big Christmas filter on, and it was really funny when she was explaining this that everyone was with all these baubles strategically placed.

So I couldn't quite work out what he really looked like.

So yeah, don't use filters when it comes to video chatting.

- Oh my goodness.

Well, we're going to continue this journey to finding that special someone with Genevieve Gresset of the Matchmaking Company as soon as we come back in just a moment so please stay with us.

(bright music) - We are back with the beautiful Genevieve Gresset all the way from London and we've been talking about dating after 50, and it seems like it's the same in London as it here, or as it is here stateside.

And as I said earlier, when I was in my 40s, it seemed like there was no problem.

There were men everywhere.

But then as I've gotten older, it just seems that there are fewer and fewer, and I'm thinking, are they married or just decided to take themselves off the market?

Any insight into that?

- Well, I think it changes constantly.

I think there are a lot of men online.

In fact, statistically, there are at least 20% more men online than there are women.

So online, there seems to be a heavier presence of men than there are women, which is often why if you're a woman and you go online for the first time, you're bombarded by all this male attention.

But I also think that often what we are seeing is online, 50 to 60% of them are in relationships, so they're looking for something extra.

So we have to be mindful of that, that it's not just men that are single and looking and available to actually have a relationship that are online.

So you have to be very careful that someone that you're talking to is really single and available to date.

- Are there any red flags to give us some clues as to whether or not these people are actually available or maybe they're looking for a, as we talked earlier, a situationship?

- Yeah, well the first thing is, is ask them.

Men don't often lie about that.

If you ask them directly and say, are you looking for something casual or are you looking for a committed relationship?

And the other thing that you can ask them is, does anyone else think that they're in a relationship with you?

Because not necessarily ask them if they're single, but asking if anyone else thinks that they're in a relationship with you will make them think differently.

So it's harder for them to lie about that particular thing.

If they stumble, if they're not sure, then you know that you are not going to be the only person that's getting their attention.

- And as far as the red flags, I mean if you just really don't wanna go online, is there still any way out there that you can just get an introduction through friends?

Is that still the best way?

- Well, friends has different connotations that can be quite challenging because they might think that they've got the perfect person for you.

You may not hit it off or feel the same way, but you might feel forced into meeting those friends and perhaps having what I would call a situationship with them because you don't want to upset your friends.

Of course, I'm gonna say matchmaking and working with a matchmaker is probably your safest way of meeting someone 'cause everyone is vetted, they're verified, we know they're single, we know they're authentic.

They've come into an office, they've met with us, we've checked them out.

So it's the safest way to meet somebody.

But if you are going alone and you're trying to find somebody on your own, then there's all other sorts of ways from pickleball seems to be quite popular.

Other sports, because that seems to be where a lot of the guys hang out is when it comes to sports.

So there are different ways of doing it.

And you can ask friends and family if you want to, but just say, I'm just looking to have conversations with people.

I'm not looking for anything too heavy right now because if you say that, people tend to get overexcited playing cupid and want to...

They almost want to plan your wedding before they've introduced you.

- I know that when I was turning 50, I had just gotten out of a relationship that was about 14 years.

And I personally was enjoying being online.

It was almost like Christmas shopping, trying to find the next person.

And so if somebody is trying to kind of shop around as it was, 'cause Betty Lou and I were hanging out in my pool area and we were looking at guys together.

It's like, oh, this is a fun kind of thing.

So if somebody wanted to utilize a matchmaker, talk to us about the process.

What happens when we want to contact you?

What do you do?

- Well, the first thing is, is you'll get to speak to one of our client advisors who will sit down and spend a good hour and a half, two hours with you understanding who you are and what's important to you and what you want to get outta the process and what type of relationship you're looking for.

So you have a really good conversation with one of our team.

From there, you get moved into our matchmaking team and they look after you to get you ready to date, to start making some introductions and get you out meeting people.

We've also got a coaching team that if you need that extra support and you need maybe a little bit of coaching confidence, understanding how to date again, if you haven't dated for a long time, then our coaches are there to support.

So it's a three phase process for people.

The first step is to really understand what it is you're looking for.

The second is, let's get you dating and if you need it, we've got coaching that's there to support you and enhance that journey to make sure that you are maximizing every opportunity that's put in front of you.

- So you're in London and I know that there are matchmaking services here stateside.

So how do we find somebody that we can trust as far as being a matchmaker?

- Well, I think you need to look at...

There's the Global Love Institute and all of our matchmakers are certified through the Global Love Institute.

All our coaches are certified as well.

I think working with a company that's reputable that's got the accreditations that are needed to be matchmakers is really important.

Anyone can set up a matchmaking service, but to work under the code of ethics and standards and also go through, it's quite a heavy certification process.

So to go through all of that, there's a level of commitment and there's a level of professionalism and understanding.

It's not just somebody thinking, oh, I'll give this a go and see what I can do.

Matchmaking seems fun to do.

It's one of the hardest jobs in the world 'cause you're dealing with people's emotions when they are at their most vulnerable.

- Well, and I'm sure you've had a lot of successes in your job, talk about that.

- Oh, successes come every day, which is wonderful and we call them "happy holds".

We've got 40 different offices across the states, and all our teams of matchmakers just get so excited across the platform whenever they get a phone call to say, hey, I've really enjoyed meeting somebody.

I'm gonna put my membership on hold.

We are going to explore this.

Literally, I am seeing those coming through every day from each office and from each of the matchmakers.

So it's really wonderful that we are getting constant successes.

We're getting marriages, we're getting babies.

It's the most rewarding job.

It's the hardest, but it is the most rewarding as well.

- Well, Genevieve, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us today and I hope it does encourage people over 50 to really go out there and try, because there's a lot of people who are looking for maybe a dating relationship, maybe they're looking for a situationship, maybe they're looking for a loving, committed relationship, and they can find all of that so they don't have to limit themselves.

So thank you for helping us and giving us your wisdom today.

- Thank you for having me.

- Hopefully we've been able to provide some beneficial information for those single ladies watching us on Inspire.

We'll be right back after a short break.

(bright music) [Music] - Hi, I am Dr. Silas Huff and I'm the director of orchestras at Washburn University.

iHeart Cello Day is a day developed by Professor Erinn Renyer that celebrates the cello and cello pedagogy and cello music.

- Yes, I am the creator, crazy person behind this event day.

Started way back in 2015.

I really felt it was important to do something with the community.

Cellists are by nature very personable and love to socialize and be with each other and play music and I do a lot of arranging of music.

And so I thought February's a good time because it's kind of at the end of the winter and people are wanting to something do and wanna be able to have time together so I thought, okay, I'll create an event day.

- It's an opportunity for cellists of every age from as young as fifth and sixth graders all the way to adult professionals.

They get together, they talk about the cello, they play music together, and then the culminating event is a big concert, in which they all play together.

So today, for example, nearly 150 cellists played in a concert together.

[Music] - The first event we had, it was more of kids that were just local in Topeka.

A lot of 'em were cello students of mine.

Then it grew to kids from Lawrence and then now it's kids from Kansas City, Salina, Emporia, Manhattan, and all over northeast Kansas come in for the event day and we have a lot of professionals that actually come in too as well.

- I think the children get to see adults playing their instrument and I'm hoping that it's an inspiration to them.

They get to see people doing what they do very, very well.

And I think for the adults, it's really nice to see a new generation of cellists coming up.

- At first it is intimidating, but they're really supportive.

If you make a mistake, they won't like just call you out.

They try and actually help you.

- I just get to meet a lot of new people while doing something and we all love to do and it's really awesome to see when we come together to play and we're all on the stage together.

It's a gigantic group, but the music is beautiful.

And so I really like playing with everyone.

(light music) (light music) (light music) - I think what the goal is in my life is to teach the love of music, but also I would rather help a child become a better human being than a better instrumentalist.

I don't think that the goal should be to always make them the best that they can be when at the sacrifice and the cost of who they are as a human being.

It's even just the title of this festival, it's called iHeart Cello Day.

What that means is I love being a cello player, but that doesn't mean I have to be the best and that hopefully resonated with these kids and it's all about fellowship, it's all about that beauty.

And then that takes some of the pressure of perfectionism off of them.

[Music] (applause) [Music] - Well, it may be a relief to hear that finding love after 50 isn't hopeless after all.

Genevieve put us in the hopeful spirit and back into a journey for a lot of women.

So you've been on a journey and you've got some happiness going.

- I do have some happiness going.

And it's so fun because again, you and I have been on the journey together because after my relationship ended, you and I had some wonderful talks.

And in fact, one of the guys that I first went out with is a guy that you and I looked at and you were like, oh, he is kind of interesting.

And I said, okay, and then I went out with him and it ended up being a really good guy to date.

And I mean, that just started me just kind of putting myself out there and it was a fun time had by all, but again it's just a matter of taking a step at a time and just seeing who you connect with.

- Well, and that's another thing about it sometimes, like you think you're one thing, but your friends see you in a different light.

So maybe 'cause you had passed over him and I was kind of reading a little bit about him and I thought, ooh, he kind of matches with you.

So I think if you can maybe have another friend say maybe you're looking at him for one reason, but the other friend can say you know, I think he'd be good with you.

Just go out for a little while and see where it takes you.

- And have some fun with it.

You don't have to be so serious about it.

I mean, definitely if there are red flags about a person and you know if something is off with a person like, hmm, maybe he's in a relationship, or maybe he just seems like the person that I would not necessarily get along with, then obviously go with your gut, but the person that I ended up connecting with the most, I don't know that I would've necessarily chosen him.

But he was so sweet and just attractive to me on a just really emotional level that I said, you know what, why not try?

And then we ended up having a date and now we're getting ready to be five months into a relationship and he's wonderful.

- Okay, now I gotta admit, the whole dating service thing, remember before COVID in the backs of the airplane seat, you could read the little American Airlines or whatever and they would have matchmakers in there along with the plastic surgeons and whatever and I'm thinking, gee, what about a matchmaker?

I never thought of it, but she kind of made it sound interesting.

I'm sure it's expensive, but if you really are serious, that might be the way to go.

- Absolutely, or maybe you could use a friend who knows you probably better than anybody to actually be the matchmaker for you.

Somebody that you trust who actually has your best at heart, who can walk you through the process, but that's a lot of trust to put in a person.

- I love your story.

Well, that's all the time we have for today.

If you're still out there, still trying to find love, hopefully today's discussion provided some good tips and inspiration to continue on your journey.

And as a reminder, you can watch this program again at watch.ktwu.org.

- And if you're so inspired to learn more about our guests, find out what's coming up on future shows and get access to additional content, be sure to visit our website at www.ktwu.org/inspire.

- Inspiring women, inspiring the search for that special someone, inspiring you on KTWU.

We thank you for watching.

(bright music) - [Speaker] Inspire is sponsored by the estate of Ray and Ann Goldsmith.

- [Speaker] And the Raymond C and Marguerite Gibson Foundation and-- - [Speaker] Friends of KTWU.

We appreciate your financial support, thank you.