[piano intro] - Hello, I'm Nido Qubein, welcome to Side by Side.

My guest today is a best selling author, an award-winning singer.

And as a former Miss South Carolina, she even competed in the Miss America Pageant.

Today, she's educating and entertaining audiences worldwide with charming Southern humor.

We're talking about learning through laughter with Jane Herlong.

- [Narrator 1] Funding for Side by Side with Nido Qubein, is made possible by.

- [Narrator 2] Here's to those that rise and shine to friendly faces, doing more than their part.

And to those who still enjoy the little thing.

You make it feel like home.

Ashley HomeStore, this is home.

- [Narrator 3] For over 60 years the everyday leaders at the Budd Group have been committed to providing smart, customized facility solutions to our clients and caring for the communities we serve.

- [Narrator 4] Coca-Cola Consolidated is honored to make and serve 300 brands and flavors locally.

Thanks to our teammates.

[soft guitar music] We are Coca-Cola Consolidated your local bottler.

[soft guitar music] [upbeat music] ♪ - Jane Herlong, welcome to Side by Side.

I was reading your book this morning, I love the title, "Sweet Tea Secrets from the Deep-Fried South."

What in the world is that?

- Well, Nido, thank you for having me.

I think people are craving humor, hope and encouragement.

And that's how the book was born.

I started thinking about my upbringing and the funny things I learned and the takeaway bits of advice, on little sweet tea bags, they did a great job.

Tyndale House is the publisher, I'm excited about it.

So when you read it, you get a little insight into our Southernism.

Which can be really funny, so I love that part.

- Give me an example of something in the book.

- Well, my grandmother, I have to talk about grandmother McElveen.

She taught me to be strong and don't let people run over you.

And I thought she was just sweetest little lady, had clear all blue hair, [Jane laughing] and wore her little cotton house dress and had intruder.

And she had a rifle and I heard, "Get off my porch."

And I heard that rifle cocking.

And I said, "Where's grandma McElveen, "that sweet little lady?"

And then after the intruder ran off, she came, "Darling you okay?"

And I thought now there is a strong Southern woman, I like that.

It's a little stories like that, but it's funny.

- Yes, that's interesting.

And so Jane, you've taken your Southern humor and your outstanding speaking skills on the platform from coast to coast border to border.

What got you into speaking and how did you build such a thriving demand in the marketplace?

- Well, I have a passion for young people and it started out, I was labeled everything.

I was told I was dyslexic, that I could never go to college, I have a low IQ.

I saw that one time, I was very discouraged.

You're not college material, it just went on.

I got tired of that and I'm thinking, you know what?

I will say next to your know and you watch me.

So no one knows what's inside of you, but the Lord in my opinion.

- [Nido] Yes.

- And you grow from within.

So that's what I did.

I said, I'm gonna prove every single one of you all wrong.

I got an F in writing in college.

- Wow, and now you've written several books.

- That's my fifth.

- Yes.

- But then I got to see my professor when I spoke and I gave him one of my books.

I mean not in an ugly way, but I thanked him because adversity can be our friend many times.

- Yes, out of adversity can emerge abundance sometimes.

And you went all the way to be Miss South Carolina.

- [Jane] Yes, I love.

- Why did you enter the Pageant in the first place?

- It was everything I wanted to become, but I wasn't.

- Everything you wanted to become, but you weren't.

What does that mean?

- I wanted to be a good communicator, they stressed that through interview.

I wanted to be physically fit and take care of myself.

And that would be swimsuit or lifestyle and fitness.

Gown is elegance, your branding and talent.

I think we all need to develop talents, that way we can give back.

Highest calling is service.

- And then you represented South Carolina in the Miss America Pageant.

- [Jane] Yes.

- That had to be frightening.

- It was, but I married her boyfriend, which was a good takeaway.

- You married the boyfriend of Miss America?

- Yes, I stole him.

[Jane laughing] I did, I'll tell everybody I did not win Miss America, but I married her friend.

- I never knew that then.

- Yes.

- Did she talk to you after that?

- Oh yeah.

- [Nido] Are you friends?

- We're good friends.

- [Nido] Really?

- Yes.

- Wow.

So Jane, you know, there's some talk sometimes that these Pageants are, they're not respectful of women or I've read about how bathing suits, it sort of demeans the character of persons and so on.

What's your take on that?

- It was one of the greatest challenges of my life.

And I got in shape running down long dirt roads with tractors behind me on the farm.

With tomato farm where I grew up.

But it was a challenge and I was proud of myself walking across that stage in swim suit.

That was a huge monumental accomplishment.

So I think what's happened is that physical fitness needs to be stressed in the Miss America system.

They've gotten away from that.

I wish they'd bring it back, I really do.

- You've you've been a judge at many Pageants as well.

- Yes, yes.

And that's wonderful too.

Just be on the other side of the table and to get to know these young women.

And some of them, it's really about self improvement Nido.

That's all it is.

It's how to be your personal best and to find that best self.

And whatever avenue you choose after that, you can be successful.

These skills are great.

Phyllis George said, it's like getting a PhD in people and I believe that.

- You married a very successful husband, who's a star in the life insurance business.

You've been very successful yourself.

You've raised two very successful children.

What is it you talk about on the platform?

Take us to a platform that you're speaking on this week and tell us what do you talk about.

- Well, I like to share little stories, funny little stories, common stories, and have a takeaway.

We have a gentleman in our Sunday school class who was scared to death, at bootcamp.

And he looked on his dog tags and he prayed and he said, "God, I need a message."

And he opened his eyes and he said, be positive, he saw that.

We thought it was a message from God, he didn't know it was his blood type.

- [Nido] Yes.

- True story, and he changed.

So how do you see yourself?

You know what is Zig Ziglar said, "Whether you think you can or you can't, "you're gonna be right."

- [Nido] Yes.

- So if you're a positive thinking person, good things can happen to you.

If you keep the right mindset and just get rid of all the negative, that's the challenge.

- How do people invite you to speak?

How does one build a speaking business?

- I think you have to be really good at what you do and you have to keep up with people.

Because it's noisy out there, it's busy.

You've gotta remind people that you're out there and you wanna help take their folks to the next level.

I call it mental wellness.

- What would you say, if you're speaking to young people, what would you say is the secret to your success?

- Don't let people define who you are.

Just keep pushing the envelope.

I didn't think I'd be writing, I didn't think I'd be doing comedy or singing or doing, I'm doing theater shows now.

I didn't think I'd be doing any of that, but I keep pushing it.

I believe when one door opens there's another door somewhere else, you gotta find it.

- Don't give up.

- [Jane] Don't give up.

- Have grit, be encouraged.

believe in the order of the possible.

Does your accent help you or does it get in the way?

- Oh, it helps.

- Even when you speak in the North, in the West, et cetera?

- I bring it on, even thicker.

I say it's like a leftover pot of hot grits.

[both laughing] it gets thicker.

People love Southern accents, they do.

And some people think, oh, well, my IQ goes down 20 points.

No people are fascinated with the South.

- [Nido] Yes.

- And that's why I wrote that book.

Why is that, Why is that?

I think stories.

We, love our stories, we love our family, we love to learn.

We have a library of things that we passed on from generation to generation.

Some of them might be really crazy.

But people need to be reminded of those things.

And I love stories.

- So Jane, you just told us that you grew up with, somewhat lack of confidence, you were worried, people sort of predicted you will not succeed.

You had all kinds of learning challenges and all the rest.

And yet you have overcome all of that.

And you place yourself on the platforms in front of an audience, practically every day, sharing ideas and so on.

How did you develop your speaking skill?

- Watching great speakers, reading great books and learning.

Never, ever, ever stop learning.

The minute you do and you get complacent, you're gonna go backwards.

You're not gonna stay the same, you're gonna go backwards.

Because people will pass you and you'll miss opportunities.

So hang around good people that do what you do and study them and study them hard.

- What is it that, what do you believe are the two or three tenants characteristics skills that a person must have to speak in public?

Whether it's for a profession as you do it, or whether it's in a company, an organization, in a community.

- I think you have to be good at articulating, your words have to be powerful, your pauses have to be there.

The power of the pause, and the bottom line is you gotta have something to say that people are interested in learning from you that you can share.

People wanna know what's in it from me, what's in it for me.

So have a takeaway that when someone walks away, they'll say, "Gosh, I didn't think of it like that.

"Thank you."

And that's the greatest compliment I think you can get on the platform.

And serve people, don't make it about you.

If you wanna be the star of the show, you've lost your message already.

You've gotta give back and you've gotta care and love your audience and they will love you back.

- So it's a difference between communicating and connecting, right?

- Right.

- Anybody can communicate, not everybody can connect.

I always say all of us have fears, needs, aspirations, and goals.

And if you can help people overcome or achieve some of those, you'll sort of give them something that they believe is valuable, meaningful, memorable, et cetera.

You have your own program on SiriusXM.

- I do, they play me randomly.

And I'm so appreciative of that.

- [Nido] I tell us about that.

How does that work?

You record these?

Do they take pieces of live performances you have?

- Well, as another student of Sirius, I studied, I listened to the great, like Jeanie Robertson.

And you know we lost Jeanie this past year, but I love listening to Jeanie.

I timed her bits, I listened to the laughter, the pauses and I recorded every speech and it was hard.

And then I took the speech and I did my own editing.

And then I tried to give some kind of funny takeaway as I always do.

And so we are humorous more than comedians because we have stories, maybe a story within a story.

So that's how I did it and then I had another naysayer.

I sent it to someone and they said, "You're not good.

"You're not funny."

And I thought, really, I'm gonna change that note in next.

And they've been playing me for about eight years.

- [Nido] Wow.

- Yeah, it's been very good.

- What does that do for your career?

- Oh, it takes it to the next level, it really does.

And I was so thrilled when I first heard that I was on.

I didn't even know I was on.

And so it's been a great opportunity for me to say, hey, y'all, SiriusXM thinks I'm good and I'm very honored.

And so let me share some of that comedy with you and some takeaways.

- Now, Jane, you don't only speak, you sing and you're well known for your singing.

And you've done that for many years.

Take us on that journey.

How did you learn to sing?

How did you get the courage to sing in front of large audiences?

I've heard you do the National Anthem in front of thousands of people or sing other medley in front of a pretty discerning audiences.

How did you develop that?

And how do you use that in your speaking now?

- I think people love Volta Media in presentations and just to drop a song in, and where it's most unexpected.

But I started studying voice under some very good voice teachers.

And I ended up being in Radio City and all over.

And that's tremendous honor to sing there.

But you just, really what happened was I realized that I was going to be in the Miss America system and in to win it as best I could, I had to have a really good talent.

So I focused on that, I studied under a lot of people.

I even had Debbie Reynolds who was Broadway star.

- [Nido] Yes.

- I even used her vocal coach at one time.

So I went to the experts and people that would say, that's wrong, do it like this.

And you listen and you learn and you get better and better.

And I still sing all the time, love it.

And I still record.

- How do you do it?

Do you have a track that you follow?

Do you do it a cappella?

How do you do it in a speech?

- All three, it just depends.

Sometimes I just break into a song and I have an accompanist that I can take with me, she's great.

And then I use tracks.

So any opportunity I can use music and people like, and I write so songs too.

I write kind of crazy songs, but people enjoy that.

And I think it just adds one more element of entertainment in a presentation.

- Why is public speaking the number one fear in America?

- That's a really good question because give me a stage and I love it.

I've always loved it.

- Is it because you an extrovert or have you always been an extrovert?

Do you think of yourself as an extrovert?

- I am, I'm shy too though, it's funny.

I guess I'm a balance of both and, but I do love to perform.

I just do, whether it's speaking, singing, writing, that's a performance and I enjoy all of it.

So why not combine all these talents in a program?

And my, one of my favorite speeches you help me with, is called, "Don't Throw Tomatoes at my Field of Dreams."

And it's what I learned in my daddy's tomato field.

That's not a big, huge place, a tomato field, but the takeaways are amazing.

Know what to call.

You might have a good tomato, but there's a better one.

So get the good and get the really good tomato.

Think people like simplicity.

They wanna walk away with something they can wrap their head around.

And that's what I tried to do.

- And yet that's a lesson for life, right?

- It is.

- What are the lessons you've told your children?

- Oh, well, my son who I told you just finally graduated from college.

- [Nido] Yes.

- I'd say don't kill your parents and don't put flowers on our grave, please graduate.

So he finally did and he stuck it out and I'm proud of him.

I told my children to balance their lives.

There's nothing to me more powerful than balance.

Whether you can address up or us down and please be the same, always be the best version of yourself and keep finding that best version.

And be good to your parents.

[Jane laughing] - Yes, always be good to your parents.

- Always.

- Especially when get old and go to a nursing home and need attention.

Jane I'm intrigued to learn more from you about the art of sharing and performing.

Tell me first, what is the difference between a humorist and a comedian?

- Comedians have a quick one liner.

A humorist would tell a story and it might, it might be four minutes.

It might be a story within a story, but it's more of a takeaway and a life lesson that's, maybe told through something very common and simple.

But the comedian and I love comedians.

I love their quick wit and their humor, I love that.

I think a good speaker uses both, stories within stories or just a story.

And then a quick one liner that throws everybody.

I love those.

I'm a better story teller, so I'm always looking for the funny little takeaway one liners.

- What is it that people tell you after a speech?

When they come up, shake your hands, say, " Thank you very much for being with us."

What is it they tell you about what they got from the speech?

- Well, I love that because I love people saying to me, thank you for sharing that.

And you know from speaking, stuff just pops in your head and you think, "should I say that?"

And every now and again, I'll just throw out something like, do you need to forgive somebody?

Forgive them.

There's somebody in here that's struggling with forgiveness.

And it throws everybody, but in my heart, I know there's somebody in that room that needs to hear that message.

And then sometimes I'll say, "Be good to yourself, "do something unusual.

"Some of you are just too down on yourselves."

Every time someone says that was for me.

So I'm being intuitive to my audience.

And that's another mark of a good speaker, to read the audience extremely well, knowing you're losing them, knowing you've got them and be able to say things in your heart, you know that somebody really needs to hear.

It's really an honor.

- And that's called the skill of awareness, being intuitive, being in touch with how they're feeling, where they are every minute during your presentation.

One of the, I always tell people when they ask about public speaking or professional speaking, I say, I went from people saying that was a wonderful speech, you're a good speaker to someone saying you caused me pain today.

- Oh.

- And I thank you for that.

In other words, reminding someone of a truth that you have to come in touch with or acknowledging something in your life and then dealing with it.

Sort of the difference problem solving and solution finding.

A really good speaker helps people find solutions, right?

- [Jane] Right.

- That's what's in it for me enlightened self interest.

- Yes, that's a calling.

That's truly a calling.

And I'll tell you some of the best speakers are ministers.

If you sit there and you can see the people, like I'm in the choir, our church is really small.

But when the minister says, I have a story, everybody just does sit up.

- [Nido] Everybody pays attention.

- And they love stories.

- [Nido] Yes.

- Especially if there's something you can remember to use then, and start right then in your own life.

So those are the things that, I feel so blessed seriously, to be able to, the people want to hear me.

And I've had situations even during the pandemic where I went to make everybody laugh.

And I noticed immediately they were grieving.

They had loss.

So I took my speech and went completely in another direction.

I was not gonna pull them into my funny world, I was gonna enter into their world with grace and I was going to be philanthropic with their feelings.

I wasn't gonna demand this.

I went with them and that is just being again, intuitive.

- Storytelling is such a skill that people who actually teach how to put together stories and how to deliver those stories.

I asked Norman Vincent Peale one time, who wrote the forward for my first book.

He was 93 at the time.

And I asked him, he wrote the book, "The Power of Positive Thinking."

Was one of the best books in terms of sales and distribution in history.

And I asked him, what is the secret to his success?

And he said, if you really look at my book, every page has a point and it's wrapped with a story.

And if you analyze my speeches, every point I make is wrapped with a story.

Because stories just draw people in.

They identify with that story.

What in your mind makes a good story?

How does one develop a good, every person has a story, yes?

- True.

- The question is some know how to articulate it, some don't, some know how to relate it to others, some don't.

So in your mind, what does it take to write a good story, develop a good story, deliver a good story?

- I think you have to be totally vulnerable and look at your life.

And when I tell my signature story, and it's about the struggle of being labeled of growing up in a tenant house.

My daddy didn't finish the 10th grade, but he had a work ethic.

And thank God I got that work ethic.

My mother was funny, so I got humor from her.

- And your grandmother had a gun.

[both laughing] - Yes, that's right, and she'll shoot us if we didn't behave.

- Yes, yes.

- But she wasn't like that at all.

But I think you have to be totally able to show people what's inside of you, the good, the bad and the ugly.

And I think being vulnerable and then you give other people permission to be vulnerable.

Like I told you about my son.

I love my son to pieces, but taking so long to finish college has been very difficult.

And so sometimes I'll just launch into that, along with my signature story.

- Why did it take him so long?

He's terribly ADHD and didn't wanna be on the medication.

Now you talk about hard parenting, when you love a child and they have a situation going on.

Very smart, but when you're not focused, intelligence doesn't matter if you're not focused.

And we had to wait for him to get the, the memo.

And it took a long time, but we love him.

And I really prayed about it Nido, and I felt in my heart, quit nagging him, you're gonna lose your relationship.

What's more important, a piece of paper or relationship?

And relationship wins every time.

- [Nido] What did he major in?

- A political science and business.

- [Nido] Good for him.

- Yes.

And he's on the right track now.

But we had to be patient.

I think children are born with natures and you don't change it as much as steer it.

So you have to be patient with that.

So I'll tell that when I speak, I have funny stories about him.

- You have his permission to tell that story?

- No, I don't care.

[both laughing] I will say, I pay for your college, I'm gonna talk about it.

- If he ever finds out, he's gonna tell your grandmother, she's gonna get that gun out.

[both laughing] - Jane, you know what?

Your story, your life story is so powerful because it is encouraging.

Society is filled with people of ADD or dyslexia or ADHD and or other challenges.

And for you to say, I had all of this and I made myself get into the Miss South Carolina Pageant and Miss America Pageant.

Because I wanted to be fit, and I wanted to be smart, and I wanted to articulate my message.

And I wanted to prove everybody, I am good at what I do.

That is such a powerful story.

But it also begs the question, what is it that happened within you to give you the momentum, the initiative to say I will do that?

I would suggest most people probably will not do that.

They'll get in the corner, sit in the dark and who is me?

But you chose to rise above it.

What was the cause of that?

- Well, to be totally honest, I'm a student of people.

And there are people in my family that I felt like were not mentally healthy, my siblings.

And I looked at them and I love them, but I'm not gonna be like them.

And any kind of negative dysfunction, it stopped with me and I'm not gonna go there.

My brother bless his heart, he has a drug problem, and it's very sad.

And he's an older person and my sister had insecurities.

And I just looked at them and I wanted to bring honor to my family.

And my mother, when she passed away, held my hand and said, "You've been a good child, thank you" And I live on that.

I live on that, and I appreciate that.

But I wanna show people, yes, you can.

Don't let anybody define who you are at all.

Don't let your past infiltrate your future, and your rear view mirror is small for a reason.

Put it in the past, let's go this way.

That's what I like to tell people through humor, my writing, singing, the whole package is what I love have to share.

- Jane, I hope you speak to a lot of young people.

- I do.

- A lot of high schools, colleges.

That's a message that ought to be embedded in their psyche, in their heart, in their soul.

There's so many of them, I don't know why, whether it's media, social media or it's other elements that enter their life that cause them to feel lesser than.

But this kind of messaging is believable, it's real.

And I hope you speak to a lot of them.

- I speak to whomever calls me.

If I can possibly do it, I will.

I love speaking to youth, I love when they come up to me and say, "I've never heard that."

I mean, I'm speaking to my younger self.

Do you ever do that?

- [Nido] Of course.

- What would I say to my younger self?

Has anybody ever said to me, you don't have to be a chain to your past at all.

You don't have to be stuck in the tenant house.

I mean, you can rise above that.

You can be anything you wanna be, but you gotta work for it and you gotta believe in yourself and have the passion to do it.

And that's the message.

- I love your growth mindset, I love your positive attitude.

And I love the fact that you have dedicated your life and your skill and your talent to help others along the pathways of life.

Jane we delighted to have you on Side by Side, and I wish for you greatness and all of your goings and all your comings.

- Thank you.

- Thank you for being here.

- It's been a pleasure and an honor.

[upbeat music] ♪ - [Narrator 1] Funding for Side by Side with Nido Qubein, is made possible by.

- [Narrator 2] Here's to those that rise and shine to friendly faces, doing more than their part.

And to those who still enjoy the little things.

You make it feel like home.

Ashley HomeStore, this is home.

- [Narrator 3] For over 60 years the everyday leaders at the Budd Group have been committed to providing smart, customized facility solutions to our clients and caring for the communities we serve.

- [Narrator 4] Coca-Cola consolidated is honored to make and serve 300 brands and flavors locally.

Thanks to our teammates.

[soft guitar music] We are Coca-Cola Consolidated your local bottler.

[soft guitar music]