(movie projector whirring) (dramatic music) >> Announcer: Mirth and madness.

>> I'm Moe!

>> Announcer: Simple and screwy.

>> I'm Shemp!

>> Announcer: Loony and ludicrous.

>> I'm Larry!

>> Yes, the "Three Stooges".

'Cause tonight is interior decorating.

(audience applauding) (mischievous music) >> Hey, egg-head!

I'm ready to dictate.

>> Yes, sir?

>> Get away from here.

What's the matter with you?

Are you an idiot?

An imbecile?

A moron?

(Larry laughing) What are you laughing at?

>> 8 to 5, I'm in there someplace.

>> Come on.

>> Get over there and straighten up the file.

>> Larry: All right.

>> Hey, broccoli-head!

Come here.

Do you think you can take a letter?

>> I don't think, I know.

>> I don't think you know either but go ahead.

We are in receipt of your letter of the 16th and in reply... (typewriter clicking) Oh!

(audience laughing) Remind me to send your head to the cleaners with the rest of the flatwork.

Get away from here.

>> All right, I'll do ten of these.

That's what I'll do.

(door knocking) ♪ Come in ♪ ♪ Come in ♪ ♪ Come in ♪ >> Pardon me, gentlemen.

>> Oh, yes!

>> I'm Mr. Pennyfeather.

Are you gentlemen painters and paperhangers?

>> Are we painters and paperhangers?

>> Are we painters and paperhangers?

>> Are we?

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

>> Why, you clumsy fool!

>> Oh, we're so sorry.

>> My clothes are all full of ink!

>> Oh, we'll fix that up.

Larry!

Now, take it easy.

That's a nice, great gaberdine you got there.

>> Be careful with it!

>> All right, stand by!

There.

(audience laughing) I knew it.

>> What!

>> I knew I had it in here.

>> What is that?

>> Ink remover.

>> Ink remo- But look at this!

>> Oh, we'll have that off in a jiffy.

You don't need that pocket anyhow.

Go ahead.

>> Well, certainly.

There it is.

(fabric tearing) >> My best suit!

>> And look at my shirt!

(sobbing) (fabric tearing) >> You don't need that anyway.

>> Look here, Nickelfeather.

>> Pennyfeather!

>> Do you realize you've just struck one of the toughest men from the state of (claps) Texas.

(audience laughing) Go ahead, tell him.

>> Tell him, boy.

>> Now look at here, neighbor- >> Oh, wait a minute there, Nickelfeather.

>> Pennyfeather!

>> You have again sullied the fair name of the great sovereign state of (claps) Texas!

Order him off the premises!

>> You heard what I told you before- (Moe yelling) (things clattering) (audience applauding) >> A bullseye!

(telephone ringing) ♪ Hello ♪ ♪ Hello ♪ ♪ Hello ♪ >> Hello?

>> Hello?

>> Hello, how are ya?

>> Fine... Oh, it's you!

I didn't think it was you.

I knew you were looking- >> Quiet!

Get out of here!

What can we do for you, madam?

>> Customer: Oh, I'd like to have my house painted and wallpapered in a hurry.

>> Well, that's how we do everything.

>> Customer: Are your prices reasonable?

>> We charge what the traffic will bear.

Just a minute.

How's the traffic today?

(car horns blaring) >> Heavy!

>> That'll be $100.

>> Customer: Your prices...

Your prices are crazy.

>> Well, so is the California traffic.

>> Customer: Well, how soon can you be over?

>> Hold it.

Get the color book out of the file.

Why, we can be right over.

>> Customer: The address is 442 Smith street.

>> We'll be right over.

(Larry grunting) >> I can't get this- Oh!

What the- (Larry yelping) >> Can't open a little feel drawer.

How did you ever get your stupid?

>> I got a charge account.

What's your excuse?

(audience laughing) >> Remind me to lower your salary and raise your forehead.

Get outta here!

Oh!

>> Oh.

>> Uh-huh.

>> That's a queer contraption.

>> Yeah, ain't that quaint?

>> Ain't?

>> Yeah.

>> You mean isn't.

>> Yeah.

Isn't that quisnt?

(audience laughing) (cabinet clanging) >> See, that's the way to do it.

(cabinet clanging) (audience laughing) You gotta use your head.

Oh!

>> I saw you and it's good for you.

Good for you.

Step aside and let an intelligent man show you how.

>> Intelligent?

>> Yeah.

>> How did you get so smart?

>> I went to college.

I graduated.

Went to Swedish Massage College.

>> Why didn't you go into that business?

>> I couldn't find enough Swedes to massage.

>> Nevermind.

Open that thing!

>> Well, certainly.

Go ahead.

>> Oh!

>> Shemp: All right, go ahead.

Do you mind I'll get the... >> Moe: What happened?

>> He opened it, all right.

We gotta get going.

>> Wait a minute.

>> What?

>> We gotta take our paint supplies with us.

>> All the paint.

>> Come on.

Make way!

We gotta get in here.

We gotta get out.

>> Larry: I gotta get my hat.

(stooges mumbling) >> You get the painting book out of the file.

Will you fix this for me, will ya?

>> Larry: Oh , it's open now.

Ow!

Oh, my arm!

My little arm stuck!

It broke my arm!

(Larry whining) >> Hey, hey, hey!

>> What?

>> It's open!

>> Oh.

Here's the coloring book.

>> "Culinary Arts" Culinary arts, painting.

I always thought culinary arts was about cooking.

>> Shows ya how wrong you can be.

Culinary arts has got to do with colors.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> You have something there.

>> Where?

>> Nevermind!

We gotta get over the lady's house in a hurry!

Let's go!

>> Let's get over.

(upbeat music) (audience applauding) >> Darling, I never went through anything like I did this afternoon with those confounded painters!

I hope I never see them again!

>> Don't worry, dear.

I have some other painters coming over right away.

>> Good, good.

They're not from (claps) Texas, are they?

>> What difference would that make?

>> Oh, you'd be surprised!

>> Your bringing the boss home for dinner.

Nevermind.

Now run along, dear.

And don't worry.

I've taken out most of the furniture so the men can get right to work.

>> Good.

>> Goodbye, dear.

Where are those painters?

We haven't much time.

Only four hours to do this whole- (door knocking) That must be the painters now.

(stooges and Mrs. Pennyfeather chattering) And you!

You over there, take those pots off that chair.

That's a genuine Duncan Phyfe.

>> Duncan Phyfe, eh?

I'll take them off.

Don't worry about it.

(Shemp gasps) (spring bouncing) >> What's the matter?

>> That Duncan should be careful where he leaves his fife.

(audience laughing) >> Oh, uh, I would like to introduce my two assistants.

This is M'sieur Shemp.

When it comes to blending colors, he's a mix master.

>> He is?

>> Yeah, sometimes we stand in the bowl and make a cake with him.

>> Yeah.

>> Charmed, I'm sure.

(audience laughing) >> Come on!

Get outta here!

Oh, and this is M'sieur Larry.

He's recognized as a great paperhanger.

>> Oh, really?

>> Oh, yes.

Everywhere I go they say, "This guy should hang."

Charmed!

(audience laughing) >> And I, of course, had this outfit lock, stock and barrel.

>> He's a barrel-head, all right.

(Mrs. Pennyfeather yelps) >> This is outrageous!

Get... Get to work at once!

You... You ruffians!

>> Now, now, now.

Take it easy, lady.

Let's not be in a hurry.

You know what that great man said about being in a hurry?

Well, I forgot his name.

Anyhow, he said, "You..." How do you like that, I forgot what he said.

>> Yeah.

Well, nevermind.

Now look, I want this room done Robin's egg blue.

>> Lady, we ain't got no time to go off robbin' eggs.

>> Oh, shut up.

>> Here's the coloring book.

>> Now, before we look at the color book, M'sieur Shemp, as an expert, tell us confidentially, what in your opinion would make this room look inviting, livable and good to the eye?

>> Confidentially?

>> Yeah.

>> Just a minute.

Who's the guy next to you?

>> Well, it's you.

>> Oh, that's okay.

Then I can be trusted.

Now what did you wanna know?

>> I said, what in your opinion would make this room look inviting, livable and good to the eye?

>> Food, drink, and a couple of dames.

(claps) >> My word!

>> What's the matter with him?

>> I think he's getting better.

We better take him to a doctor, his brain's clearing up.

>> You have to excuse his manners, ma'am.

>> Oh, thank you.

At least there's one gentleman in your midst.

>> You said it, babe.

(Mrs. Pennyfeather yelps) (audience laughing) Pardon me.

Now, for the colors you want, let's look in this culinary book.

>> I can't understand it.

It says, "Mix vinegar and salad oil, then add lettuce, tomatoes, some diced carrots."

What kind of paint is that?

>> Why, lady, ain't you heard of vegetable dyes?

>> Yeah, I'll go to the vegetable ville and get some.

>> Now, if you don't like that mixture, we have many more to suit your taste.

Oh, here's a dilly!

It says here you take chopped apples, walnuts, mayonnaise, and dip in French dressing.

>> Well, you're not gonna use that in my house.

>> Why not?

Some nights when you don't feel like cooking, you can eat off the wall.

(audience laughing) >> Off the wall!

>> Why, certainly!

A Waldorf salad.

(laughs) I got that out of my own head.

>> You better put it back before somebody steps on it.

>> Well, here's the vegetables.

What color do you want for that?

>> Oh, wait a minute, please.

>> How about nice tomato red?

>> Tomato red.

>> Not on my wall!

(audience laughing) (Mrs. Pennyfeather and Moe chattering) >> Oh!

>> Oh, not on my house.

Hold that!

>> Thanks.

>> Get outta here!

>> See?

Good for you.

>> Thank you.

>> You're welcome.

>> Get outta here.

(Shemp and Larry arguing) (audience laughing) >> Hold it!

Hold it!

We got nothin' left to put on the walls now.

We'll have to go back to regular paint.

(audience laughing) >> Well, thank heaven.

Now, gentlemen, will you please hurry, my husband and his boss are coming to dinner and the whole house must be finished before they get here.

>> Don't worry, madam, what do you want us to do first?

>> Well, I want that wall papered and that one painted.

>> You heard what the lady said.

Get going!

>> That wall papered and that wall painted.

>> And that wall painted.

(Shemp and Larry chattering) >> Moe: Now, madam, I think we put gorgeous paint on this side.

It might straighten the thing up.

And, of course, if we take a nice mustard brown, it can work concealing the thing, our blending expert will blend them all together.

Now, there.

If we take and make that door an old rose, we can, of course, take it with a mustard brown and way it light, we can blend all those things together.

Now when it comes here, we'll set the whole thing by perhaps putting a dash of lavender over the whole thing sort of make it a kind of a modernistic thing.

>> Larry: Gotta use your head to get this thing up here.

I know what I'm doing.

I know that.

(audience laughing) >> Here.

Here.

>> Now, that is what you call efficiency.

When we get through, this room will be the greatest room from the rock-bound coast of Marjorie Main to the sunny slopes of Lana Turner!

>> Good.

Oh!

Oh, by the way, do you think you could repair that picture?

It's a painting of my daughter.

Done by Whistler.

Oh, surely you've heard of Whistler?

>> Oh, sure.

I listen to his radio program all the time.

(audience laughing) Don't worry, ma'am.

I'll take care of it.

>> Well, thank you.

Now, I'll leave you boys to get to work and please hurry.

>> Yes, ma'am.

(paper tearing) Hey fellas, come here!

You think we can fix that?

>> I don't see anything wrong with it right now.

>> What a babe!

>> Whoa.

>> Wait a minute.

Remember, we are gentlemen first and our feelings come second.

>> Well, let's get out of first and we shift in this second.

(audience laughing) (paper tearing) >> Oh boy!

Easy.

Not the two of them.

(paper tearing) (stooges screaming) >> Okay, what happened?

>> Oh, I don't know.

(audience laughing) >> What happened?

>> Oh, boys!

Oh, boys, I forgot to tell you.

Please be very careful with that table.

It's a very fine old table.

>> All right.

>> Yeah.

>> We'll make it look like new again.

Start on the table first, boys.

>> All right.

(stooges singing) (audience laughing) >> Hey!

Hey!

You were never cut out to be a painter, brother.

>> Oh, that's just a means to an end.

>> Oh.

(stooges singing) >> Oh!

(audience laughing) >> Hey, stupid!

What are you doing there?

Don't you realize what you're doing?

>> What I'm doing?

>> Oh, get busy!

>> All right, go ahead.

(stooges singing) >> Come on here.

Will you please stop that old thing.

What are you doing here?

Boom!

Boom!

What're standing up there?

>> No, no, no.

No, you don't.

>> Come out.

Boom!

(audience laughing) You guys go in and paint the bedroom!

I'll handle this.

Go ahead.

>> Out of the way.

(door knocking) Come in!

Yes?

>> How do you do?

My name is Fink.

(audience laughing) I represent the Punxatawney Pressure Cooker Company, Punxatawney, Pennsylvania.

We make the finest pressure cooker- >> Larry: Hey, Moe!

Come in here and help us with the paint, will ya!

>> Quiet!

Can't come in now, I'm talking to a salesman.

What'd you say, bud?

>> How do you do?

My name is Fink.

I represent the Punxatawney Pressure Cooker Company, Punxatawney, Pennsylvania.

We make the finest pressure- >> Shemp: Hey, Moe!

What color of paint should I use in this bedroom?

Can I use the blue that match the lady's eyes or the brown to match her hair?

>> Use the green that match her complexion!

(laughs) Pretty funny crack, eh bud?

>> (clears throat) We make the finest pressure cooker- >> Larry: Hey Moe!

Come in here and help us, will ya!

>> Stop bothering me.

I'm busy.

>> How do you do?

My name is Fink.

I represent the Punxatawney Pressure Cooker Company- >> Wait a minute.

Why do you keep saying the same words over and over again?

Is this your magnificent obsession?

>> No, you see, that's the way they teach us down at the office.

>> Well, why don't you try saying it in your own words.

It might be a little more convincing.

>> Oh, okay.

I'll try.

Now, you see this little valve here?

Well, the steam goes around, monkeys around in here, and then it's (stammering) Well, you see the steam come... Well, you see the bottom here that... How do you do?

My name is Fink.

(audience laughing) I represent the Punxatawney Pressure Cooker Company of Punxatawney, Pennsylvania.

>> Oh, so this is why you're so busy.

>> Yeah!

Go ahead, bud.

>> How do you do?

My name is- >> Oh, yeah!

>> Oh, yeah!

Go ahead, bud.

>> How do you do?

My name is Fink.

>> Oh, I caught you trying to get away without working, eh?

>> Yeah, go ahead, bud.

>> How do you do?

My- >> Oh, yeah!

>> Oh, yeah!

(Moe yelling) Hey!

That's a pressure cooker!

That's a mighty fine item, bud.

>> It is?

>> Yeah, with that thing, you can make a beef stew in two minutes.

>> It can?

>> Yeah!

>> And in four it can make you a whole turkey dinner.

>> Heavens to Betsy.

I think I like to have one of those.

>> A small deposit will hold it.

>> All right, here's $5.

>> You hold it.

>> My life was always wanted one of these.

(audience laughing and applauding) >> We seem to attract the oddest people here.

>> Yeah, that guy reminds me of my uncle.

He was an igloo manufacturer.

>> An igloo manufacturer?

How do you manufacture igloos?

>> Simple!

You just take two eggs and glue them together.

(audience laughing) >> Goodness.

Aren't you boys working yet?

>> How do you do?

I represent this- >> Quiet!

(audience laughing) >> Get to work!

>> You heard what the lady said.

Get to work!

>> And what are you gonna do?

>> Nothing.

What about it?

>> Oh, I just thought I'd ask.

(audience laughing) >> I got to do this, right?

>> I was afraid of that.

(Shemp spits) (audience laughing) >> Oh, I could see like an owl now.

(audience laughing) >> Moe: We got to get that wallpaper done, boys.

Get a move on now.

>> Larry: I'm starting.

Don't worry about it.

>> All right, come on.

>> I got it.

(audience laughing) >> Get some wallpaper.

(stooges mumbling) (audience laughing) >> That's it.

That's the way we go.

>> Bring it over, boy.

Come on!

Bring it over!

>> Shemp: That looks great now.

Believe me, that looks fine.

>> I do think the painter would be finished soon.

>> Good.

Good.

>> The boos will be her in a half hour.

>> And I'm serving buffet style.

>> Oh, that's all right too, darling.

>> You want it to be easy.

>> Would you mind holding this?

>> Shemp: Oh, that looks great believe me.

(Mrs. Pennyfeather screaming) >> Sorry!

I'm so sorry, honey.

How could I undo this?

Here, fellas.

You can't do- (audience laughing) >> Hey!

This paint is getting lumpy.

>> Yeah.

Yeah.

(Mr. Pennyfeather speaking gibberish) Hey!

Listen.

>> Moe: What'd he say?

(Larry speaking gibberish) >> Get away here.

Hey, nitwit!

>> Yes.

>> Come on, get this paper off of him.

>> Shemp: I'll take it off.

Just hold still there a minute.

(audience laughing) Go ahead.

Hold still.

>> Careful!

>> Moe: Hey, what's the matter with you?

Are you nuts or something?

Why you!

(audience laughing) Clean him up, that's all you fault!

>> Shemp: All right, I'll clean it up.

Hold still there.

Hold still and I wash your forehead.

All right, now.

He's got tender skin, that's what the problem- >> That's my hair!

Be very careful with it!

>> Shemp: All right.

>> You!

You!

You!

(claps) (audience laughing) >> It's Waterfeather!

>> Pennyfeather!

I'll kill all of you!

You!

You imbecile!

You're the one who hired them!

>> Call me an imbecile will you!

>> Yeah!

Imbecile!

>> Take that!

(audience laughing) >> Where did they go?

Where did they go?

I'll find them!

(audience laughing) Wait!

Wait 'til I get my hands on those three moronic, stupid... (audience laughing) Ah, ah, ah, ah!

Not that way, boys.

That's the kitchen.

This is the way out.

>> Stooges: Oh, thanks!

>> Moe: Say, you're not mad at us?

>> (laughs) Of course, not.

>> Well, it was a pleasure to do your painting and paper hanging.

>> And it's a pleasure to do yours!

♪ Goodbye ♪ ♪ Goodbye ♪ ♪ Goodbye ♪ (stooges screaming) (upbeat music) >> Announcer: And so ends the episode in which our three stooges tried their luck as interior decorators, and met with misfortune.

However, will they be cowards and never try again?

Are they spineless jellyfish?

Quitters?

>> Stooges: You betcha life we are!

(upbeat music) (audience applauding)