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TED: COMING UP NEXT ON "ARIZONA HORIZON," DETAILS ON RETENTION ELECTIONS FOR ARIZONA JUDGES AND JUSTICES.

>>> ALSO TONIGHT, ARIZONA SCHOOLS FACE A FEW SCORING SYSTEM FOR SCHOOL LETTER GRADES.

>>> AND WE WELCOME BACK "NEW YORK TIMES" BEST-SELLING AUTHOR LAURIE NOTARO THAT DISCUSSES HER NEW BOOK ON AGING DISGRACEFULLY.

THOSE STORIES AND MORE NEXT ON "ARIZONA HORIZON."

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TED: GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO "ARIZONA HORIZON."

I'M TED SIMONS.

ARIZONA IS AMONG THE FEW STATES IN NATION THAT USE MERIT-RETENTION ELECTIONS THAT DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT JUDGES REMAIN ON THE BENCH.

ARIZONA COMMISSION ON JUDICIAL PERFORMANCE REVIEWS CONDUCTS REDUCE OF JUDGES AND JUSTICES UP FOR VOTES.

WE LEARN MORE ABOUT WILLIAM AUTHER, CHAIR OF THE ARIZONA COMMISSION ON JUDICIAL PERFORMANCE REVIEW.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

>> GOOD TO SEE YOU.

TED: EVERY TIME THERE IS AN ELECTION, PEOPLE SAY WHAT'S UP WITH THE JUDGES ON HERE?

>> JUDGES ARE UP FOR RETENTION FOR APPELLATE AND SUPREME COURT.

EVERY SIX YEARS FOR TRIAL COURTS, EVERY FOUR YEARS, AND MY COMMISSION IS A COMMISSION THAT WAS FORMED AS A RESULT OF A CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT IN 1992, BY THE VOTERS OF ARIZONA TO GATHER AND PROVIDE INFORMATION TO VOTERS ON JUDGES.

TED: NOW THE RETENTION VOTES, THIS IS ONLY FOR THE MAJOR COUNTIES?

>> RIGHT.

THE FOUR COUNTIES THAT HAVE MERIT SELECTION, OUR MOST POPULOUS COUNTY, PIMA COUNTY, MARICOPA COUNTY, PINAL COUNTY AND COCONINO COUNTY.

TED: COMMISSION CONDUCTS PERFORMANCE REVIEWS.

HOW DO YOU DO IT?

WHAT'S THE PROCESS?

>> OUR PRIMARY TOOL IS A SURVEY INSTRUMENT THAT WE SEND OUT AND DELIVER TO ANYONE WHO ENCOUNTERS A JUDGE DURING THE REVIEW PERIOD.

SO THE YEAR BEFORE RETENTION ELECTION, LAST YEAR, EACH JUDGE WAS UP FOR A REVIEW PERIOD OF ABOUT SIX MONTHS, AND ANYONE WHO ENCOUNTERED THE JUDGE DURING THAT REVIEW PERIOD HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO FILL OUT A SURVEY AND SCORE THE JUDGE ON A VARIETY OF CATEGORIES, AND I MEAN EVERYBODY.

LAWYERS, LITIGANTS, THE PARTIES TO THE CASES, JURORS WHO HAPPEN TO BE IN TRIALS, AND EVEN A WITNESS WHO MIGHT HAVE BEEN SUBPOENAED, HAS NO OTHER INVOLVEMENT IN THE CASE, HAD THE RIGHT TO DO A SURVEY AND COURT STAFF AND ADMINISTRATION HAVE A RIGHT TO FILL OUT A SURVEY.

TED: THEY FILL OUT THE SURVEY BUT NOT LIKE AN OPEN LETTER HERE, YOU CAN'T WRITE A RUSSIAN NOVEL HERE?

>> CORRECT.

THERE ARE OPPORTUNITIES FOR COMMENTS, BUT FOR THE MOST PART, WE ASK THEM TO EVALUATE THE JUDGE ON SEVERAL CATEGORIES -- KNOWLEDGE OF THE LAW, ADMINISTRATIVE PERFORMANCE, COMMUNICATION SKILLS, FAIRNESS AND TEMPERAMENT -- AND THEY'RE GRADED 1 TO 5, FROM ONE BEING AT ONE END OF THE SPECTRUM AND POOR AT THE OTHER END OF THE SPECTRUM.

THEY ARE DONE ANONYMOUSLY AND SENT TO A DATA CENTER WE CONTRACT WITH TO COLLATE THE SCORES FOR EACH JUDGE AND THE COMMISSION GETS THE REPORT ON EACH JUDGE.

TED: THE COMMISSION DECIDES MEETS OR DOES NOT MEET STANDARDS?

>> CORRECT.

OUR RULES HAVE CHANGED IN THE LAST SEVERAL YEARS TO ALLOW US TO EVALUATE OTHER THINGS.

WE GET INFORMATION WHETHER A JUDGE HAD AN ETHICAL REPRIMAND OF SOME KIND, IF THAT HAPPENED.

WE HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO REVIEW HEARING TRANSCRIPTS OR HEARING VIDEOS OF JUDGES WHEN THEY'RE IN THEIR -- THEY'RE ACTUALLY PERFORMING THEIR DUTIES.

ALL OF THE INFORMATION GOES INTO THE COMMISSION'S EVALUATION AND VOTE AND THEN, OF COURSE, THE JUDGES HAVE THE RIGHT, TO IF THEIR SCORES AREN'T SO GOOD, WE WILL CALL THEM INTO TALK TO US.

TED: HOW OFTEN DO JUDGES OR JUSTICES, HOW OFTEN DO THEY NOT MEET STANDARDS?

>> YOU KNOW, IT HAPPENS ALMOST EVERY CYCLE.

THIS CYCLE IT DID NOT.

ALL THE JUDGES ACTUALLY HAD VERY, VERY HIGH PERFORMING JUDGES THIS GO-AROUND, BUT IN ALMOST EVERY CYCLE, THERE ARE A JUDGE OR TWO WHO WILL GET SOME VOTES THAT THEY DON'T MEET STANDARDS.

>> YEAH, AND ARE THEY VOTED OUT?

>> NO, NOT BY THE COMMISSION.

TED: NO, BUT ARE THEY EVENTUALLY VOTED OUT?

IF YOU DON'T MEET STANDARDS ON THIS REVIEW, WHAT DOES IT DO TO YOU?

>> VOTERS HAVE EXERCISED THEIR OPPORTUNITY TO VOTE A JUDGE OUT OF OFFICE MORE THAN ONCE IN OUR PAST, AND I THINK THERE'S MAYBE A TOTAL OF SIX JUDGES OVER THE YEARS THAT HAVE BEEN VOTED OUT OF OFFICE, AND, OF COURSE, WHAT THE PUBLIC DOESN'T SEE ARE THE NUMBER OF JUDGES WHO RATHER THAN FACE THE COMMISSION, IF THEIR SCORES AREN'T QUITE WHAT THEY LIKE, THEY'RE GETTING CLOSE TO RETIREMENT OR HAVE OTHER OPPORTUNITIES, THEY'LL JUST NOT RUN FOR RETENTION.

THEY'LL JUST RETIRE.

TED: INTERESTING.

MOST OF THE PEOPLE ON THE COMMISSION ARE NOT ATTORNEYS?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

WE HAVE 34 MEMBERS.

THERE ARE LIMITS.

ONLY SIX LAWYERS AND SEVEN JUDGES IS OUR CURRENT MIX RIGHT NOW.

THOSE ARE STATUTORY LIMITS THAT WE CAN'T EXCEED.

SO THAT MEANS 21 OR MORE PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE PUBLIC MEMBERS.

TED: AND THIS INFORMATION, IS IT AVAILABLE NOW?

>> IT IS.

ON THE WEBSITE, AZCOURTS.GOV/JPR, AND LOOK FOR THE PERFORMANCE REVIEW TAB AND IT WILL TAKE YOU TO ALL THE COUNTIES WHERE THE JUDGES ARE UP FOR RETENTION.

TED: LAST QUESTION, AND SOUNDS LIKE EVERYONE MADE THE GRADE.

>> THEY DID.

TED: SOUNDS A LITTLE UNUSUAL?

>> NO ONE SHOULD BE SURPRISED WE HAVE A HIGH CALIBER OF BENCH IN THIS STATE.

NO ONE SHOULD BE SURPRISED WE HAVE HIGH-PERFORMING JUDGES IN THIS STATE.

WE HAVE A VERY ROBUST SYSTEM TO ENSURE THAT HAPPENS.

>> LAST QUESTION, WHY IS THIS MERIT RETENTION SYSTEM IN GENERAL A GOOD THING FOR ARIZONA?

>> FIRST OFF, IT'S PART OF WHAT MAKES ARIZONA GREAT.

THE VOTERS SELECTED IT, THE VOTERS VOTED IT IN, THEY WANTED IT.

IT HAS BEEN EVALUATED BY EVERY ORGANIZATION THAT LOOKS AT JUDICIAL STANDARDS ACROSS THE COUNTRY, AND ARIZONA IS ALWAYS HIGHLY RANKED, IF NOT TOP RANKED, SO IT GIVES THE COURTS -- PEOPLE WHO HAVE ACCESS TO THE COURTS AND USE THE COURTS WILL KNOW WHEN THEY GO IN THERE, THEY'RE TREATED FAIRLY, THEY'RE GOING TO BE HEARD, THEY'RE GOING TO GET A DECISION THAT THEY'RE GOING TO UNDERSTAND, ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU WOULD WANT IF YOU WERE GOING TO ENCOUNTER A COURT.

TED: WILLIAM AUTHER, JUDICIAL PERFORMANCE REVIEW CHAIR GOOD INFORMATION.

GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

>> THANK YOU.

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TED: ARIZONA SCHOOLS ARE GRADED EACH YEAR ON AN A THROUGH F SCALE DESIGNED TO MEASURE SCHOOL AND STUDENT PERFORMANCE, A LOT OF THE A-GRADES ARE LIKELY TO CHANGE TO Bs OR Cs DUE TO THE NEW SCORING SYSTEM.

HERE TO TELL US ABOUT IT IS KATHERINE HALEY, PRESIDENT OF THE ARIZONA STATE BOARD OF EDUCATION.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

>> GOOD TO BE HERE.

TED: THERE'S A NEW SYSTEM FOR GRADING THE SCHOOLS, HUH?

>> WE'RE IN THE MIDST OF UPDATING IT.

ARIZONA BOARD OF EDUCATION, WE HAVE INSIGHT OF STATE ACCOUNTABILITY STATUTE, AND WE UPDATED SO FAMILIES AND SCHOOL LEADERS MORE CLEAR INFORMATION.

TED: WELL, AND ALSO, SEEMS TO ME, IN READING UP ON THIS, A LOT OF SCHOOLS, LOT OF SCHOOLS WERE GETTING As, TOO MANY SCHOOLS WERE GETTING As?

>> K-8 SCHOOLS, 75% OF SCHOOLS OF K-8 SCHOOLS HAVE AN A OR B. ABOUT 92% HAVE AN A OR B IN 9-12 SCHOOLS.

SO YES, INDIVIDUALS HAVE A LITTLE BIT MORE UNDERSTANDING OF PROFICIENCY AND GROWTH AND SETTING A HIGHER EXPECTATION THAT WE BELIEVE OUR STUDENTS CAN MEET.

>> THE PREVIOUS CRITERIA, WHAT WAS THE PRIEST CRITERIA FOR SCHOOL LETTER GRADES AND HOW IS IT CHANGING?

>> 2016 WAS THE LAST TIME WE UPDATED OUR ACCOUNTABILITY SYSTEM, AND FOR VIEWERS AND LISTENERS WE HAVE MULTIPLE COMPONENTS FOR LETTER GRADES, PROFICIENT, GROWTH, IF YOU'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL, IT'S CAREER AND COLLEGE READINESS AS WELL AS ENGLISH LANGUAGE LEARNERS AND A FEW OTHER THINGS.

THAT ISN'T CHANGING.

WE'RE NOT CHANGING THE PERCENTAGE OF THE GRADE.

WE'RE GOING TO HELP RAYS THE BAR AND PROVIDE GREATER CLARITY TO MOMS AND DADS SO THEY HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING.

WHAT I'LL QUICKLY SHARE, IS HISTORICALLY WE'VE DONE A SUMMATIVE GRADE WHERE YOU ADD ALL THE COMPONENTS AND GET THE LETTER GRADE, SCHOOLS LOW IN PROFICIENCY BUT HIGH IN GROWTH WERE GETTING AN A. WE'RE RAISING THE BAR A LITTLE BIT ON THAT, WHICH IS EXCITING FOR FAMILIES, BUT WE'RE ALSO ELIMINATING SOMETHING CALLED BONUS POINTS.

IN 2022, WE ADDED THE A.C.T.

ASPIRE, THIS IS THE LAST TIME WE'RE USING IT FOR HIGH SCHOOL EXAM, AND WE WERE GETTING BONUS POINTS.

YOU DON'T NEED A BONUS POINT FOR DOING WHAT WE'RE ALREADY REQUIRING TO YOU DO.

WE'RE UPDATING, ELIMINATING BONUS POINTS, SOME SCHOOLS ARE GOING TO SEAT BACK DOWN A LITTLE BIT.

WE BELIEVE YOU, TEACHERS, LEADERS AND STUDENTS, HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO RAISE THE BAR.

TED: BUT THERE HAVE BEEN REPORTS, INVESTIGATIVE REPORT HERE THAT MANY OF THE A-GRADES, MANY OF THE SCHOOLS, THEY HAD A LOT OF KIDS THAT FAILED TO HIT PROFICIENCY STANDARDS, SO THEY GOT As BY THE OTHER METHODS THAT YOU MENTIONED.

>> BY OTHER COMPONENTS.

TED: AND THAT HAS TO CHANGE.

>> WHAT WE'RE DOING, WE'RE RAISING THE BAR ON EXPECTATION FOR PROFICIENCY, THAT IS WHAT WE EXPECT WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW IN ORDER TO GET AN A. WE'RE MOVING THAT BAR HIGHER.

WE ALSO RECOGNIZE THAT MANY OF OUR STUDENTS COME FROM DISADVANTAGED BACKGROUNDS AND OFTEN POVERTY IS AN INDICATOR OF PERFORMANCE, AND SO THAT'S WHY GROWTH WILL HAVE, REALLY IMPORTANT, BUT WE'RE ALSO SAYING THAT'S GREAT THAT YOU HAVE TO SHOW MORE GROWTH IN ORDER TO GET AN A. SO WHAT WE HOPE WITH NOT ONLY JUST THE SUMMATIVE GRADE THAT ALL SCHOOLS GET, THE COMPONENT SCORING, YOU GET AN A FOR PROFICIENCY, MAYBE A B FOR GROWTH, BUT OVERALL LETTER GRADE MIGHT BE AN A BECAUSE THE OTHER COMPONENTS, BUT IF YOU'RE GETTING A C IN PROFICIENCY AND ONLY A C FOR GROWTH, WE'RE NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU EXTRA POINTS TO GET TO YOU A B. TED: INTERESTING, BECAUSE THE REPORT SHOWED THAT SOME OF THE SCHOOLS, ALL RIGHT GRADES WERE INCREASING AS PROFICIENCY RATES WERE FALLING.

DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

>> THAT WAS ALSO BASED ON THE WAY WE WERE GRADING AND THIS IS SORT OF -- THE WAY WE WERE DOING IT WAS BASED ON A NORMATIVE SET OF SCORES.

YOU ARE COMPARING YOURSELF VERSUS ALL OF YOUR PEERS.

NOW WE'RE SAYING, NO, THIS IS THE BAR, AND YOU NEED TO WORK TOWARD THE BAR.

WE'RE REDEFINING TO WHAT WE WOULD CALL MORE CRITERION REFERENCE.

YOU ARE BASED ON THE EXPECTATION, NOT BASED ON HOW YOU AND I HAPPEN TO DO THIS YEAR.

TED: SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF A SCHOOLS -- A LOT OF THE SCORES COULD DROP, MAYBE SOME IMPROVE, BUT A LOT COULD DROP, AND CRITICS ARE SAYING IT'S NOT FAIR AND NOT EQUITABLE.

HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THAT?

>> I WOULD SAY WE HAVE INCREASED OUR FUNDING.

INDIVIDUALS HAVE OFTEN SAID WE DON'T SPEND ENOUGH ON STUDENTS.

WE HAVE INCREASED FUNDING FOR OUR SCHOOLS.

WE'RE IN THE MIDST OF EXPECTING ALL OF OUR K-5 TEACHERS THAT TEACH ENGLISH LANGUAGE ARTS TO HAVE A LITERACY ENDORSEMENT, AND WE BELIEVE THAT THROUGH TRAINING THROUGH THE SCIENCE OF READING AND TEACHING OF PHONICS THAT THAT WILL ALSO HELP SO THAT INDIVIDUALS HAVE THAT FIRM FOUNDATION FOR READING, BUT ALSO ARE ABLE TO READ NOT JUST TO READ A BOOK, BUT READ TO TRULY LEARN AND UNDERSTANDING.

THAT IS VERY HELPFUL.

WE'RE ALSO DOING THE SAME THING AROUND MATHEMATICS, AND I FRANKLY THINK FOR ALL OF US, WHEN A CHILD HAS A HIGH EXPECTATION, AND YOU BELIEVE THAT HE OR SHE CAN DO IT, THEY WILL RISE TO MEET THAT EXPECTATION.

TED: ARE YOU CONCERNED THAT LOWER LETTER GRADES MAKE IT MORE DIFFICULT FOR SOME OF THE SCHOOLS AND SCHOOL DISTRICTS TO HIRE TEACHERS?

>> IT MAY, BUT I ALSO BELIEVE IN OUR LOCAL SCHOOL BOARDS THAT WHEN THEY ARE MAKING HIRING DECISIONS AND PRIORITIZING THE BEST AND THE BRIGHTEST, I SAY LEADERSHIP MATTERS.

WE'VE COUNTLESS EXAMPLES HERE IN OUR STATE WHERE, KNOW, HIGH POVERTY, PERHAPS ISSUES AROUND FUNDING.

IF YOU HAVE A LEADER THAT UNDERSTANDS HIS OR HER BUDGET AND UNDERSTANDS WHAT A KID IS CAPABLE OF DOING, THAT INSPIRATION JUST BLEEDS THROUGHOUT ALL OF OUR SCHOOLS, AND SO I BELIEVE IT CAN BE DONE, AND I HAVE GREAT CONFIDENCE THAT THE NAYSAYERS ARE PROVEN INJEEKT ALL RIGHT, KATHERINE HALEY ARIZONA STATE BOARD OF EDUCATION PRESIDENT, WITH THE NEW WAY OF GETTING GRADES OUT THERE.

>> EXACTLY.

IT'S GOING TO BE HARD, BUT I BELIEVE WE CAN DO IT AND SHOULD EXPECT IT.

WHY?

BECAUSE THIS IS THE FUTURE.

THIS IS THE FUTURE OF ARIZONA, AND WE HAVE DONE SO MUCH TO CREATE DIVERSITY IN OUR ECONOMY, AND WE NEED EVERYONE TO RISE TO THE CHALLENGE.

TED: THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

>> THANKS, TED.

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TED: NEW YORK TIMES BEST-SELLING AUTHOR LAURIE NOTARO GREW UP IN PHOENIX, WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT EXPLAIN HER UNIQUE VIEW OF THE WORLD.

IT INVOLVES A HUMOROUS AND RELENTLESSLY HONEST TAKE ON GROWING OLD DISGRACEFULLY.

ALL THERE IN HER NEW BOOK TITLED "I'VE GOT A NEW COMPLAINT."

THERE SHE IS, LAURIE NOTARO, GREAT TO SEE YOU, AGAIN.

>> GREAT TO SEE YOU, TED.

TED: DID THE NIRVANA ESTATE ALLOW YOU TO TAKE THAT TITLE?

>> I'VE NEVER BEEN PROUDER OF YOU THAN I AM AT THIS MOMENT IN MY LIFE.

IT SUMS UP EVERYTHING, I HAD A COMPLAINT WHEN I WAS 27, I HAVE COMPLAINTS NOW.

TED: ANOTHER COMPLAINT FROM YOU, HUH?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

BIG ONE.

TED: TALK ABOUT IT, THIS IS GETTING OLDER, ALL THE THINGS ABOUT GETTING OLDER AND YOU DON'T MINCE WORDS AT ALL?

>> I JUST.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW I GOT HERE.

I'M HAPPY I'M ALIVE, IF I BET AGAINST MYSELF, I WOULD HAVE LOST.

I NEVER EXPECTED TO BE HERE AT 60, BUT YESTERDAY I WAS 27, AND I COULD ACTUALLY SIT ON THE FLOOR AND GET UP WITHOUT WRESTLING A PIECE OF FURNITURE OR HIRING A TRACTOR.

I KNOW THAT'S HYPERBOLE BUT THAT'S HOW I FEEL.

TED: IS THAT HOW YOU DEFINE AGING DISGRACEFULLY?

>> NO, SHOPLIFTING.

I DON'T DO IT ANYMORE BECAUSE NOW THEY HAVE CAMERAS.

AT ONE POINT IT WAS A CHALLENGE.

YOU WALK OUT WITH THE FIVE POUND SACK OF POTATOES IN SAFEWAY, YOU'VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT THEM, NO ONE QUESTIONS YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE AN OLD LADY WITH GRAY HAIR.

YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH IT.

TED: THIS GROWING OLD THING IS THAT EASIER TO MIND -- YOU'VE WRITTEN A LOT OF BOOKS, YOU'VE BEEN ON THE SHOW A LOT OF TIMES WITH A LOT OF BOOKS.

>> I THINK THIS IS 20.

TED: IS IT EASIER THING TO MIND?

>> I DON'T LEAVE MY HOUSE, AND IF I DO, I'M YELLING AT SOMEBODY.

GETTING OLD IS A BUILT-IN LAUGH FACTORY.

IF YOU WEREN'T AWARE OF THAT, IT IS.

GETTING OUT OF BED, SUCH A CACOPHONY OF SOUNDS, A SYMPHONY OF BREAKING BONES AND CRUNCHES AND GRUNTS AND THE OCCASIONAL OBSCENE SOUND.

I DID WET MYSELF IN THE NIGHT?

I DON'T KNOW, LET ME CHECK.

YEAH!

>> ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GERIATRICS HIGH JINX?

>> I DO NOT.

I DO NOT PLAN TO LIVE THAT LONG, I'M SQUIRRELLING AWAY A LOT OF MY MEN SO WHEN THE DAY COMES, I CAN CHECK OUT ON MY OWN VOLITION.

TED: THE BOOK -- I'M GOING TO LET THAT GO, THAT'S LIKE MRS.

LINCOLN, HOW DID YOU LIKE THE PLAY.

>> I MISS ARIZONA, BUT I TELL YOU I GOT LOST ON SATURDAY NIGHT GOING FROM TEMPE BACK TO NORTH PHOENIX BECAUSE SO MUCH HAS CHANGED.

I THOUGHT THAT I HAD BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS.

I WAS ON 44th STREET, THEY CLOSED THE 51.

SURE, I KNOW 44th, WELL, THEY CHANGED 44th, AND I HAVEN'T BEEN ON 44th FOR TWO OR THREE YEARS, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, I'M NOT WHERE I THINK I WAS, AND I'M LOST.

I'M LOST IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA, AND I GOT A LITTLE BIT OF, LIKE, IS THIS A DEMENTIA THING, RIGHT?

AND I SEE THE BARRY GOLDWATER PARK, AND I THINK I KNOW WHERE I AM.

TWO MILES FROM HOME.

TED: IN THE BOOK, SOME OF THE STUFF IS PRICELESS, THE PART ABOUT YOUR MOM AND THE DOG STARING AT YOUR MOM, THAT'S GREAT STUFF.

THE PART ABOUT YOUR FATHER, JUST WALKING AROUND REPEATEDLY SAYING I'M GLAD YOU'RE IN THE A TWIN.

>> YEAH, YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS ARE AWESOME.

MY PARENTS ARE AWESOME, AND AS THEY'VE AGED, YOU KNOW YOUR PARENTS ARE ALWAYS GOD TO YOU.

THEY'RE THE SMARTEST PEOPLE THAT YOU KNOW, AND WHEN YOU GET A LITTLE OLDER, YOU'RE LIKE, DAD, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE LEAVING YOUR OVERNIGHT OATS WITH MILK ON THE COUNTER LITERALLY OVERNIGHT.

THERE MIGHT BE BACTERIA THAT'S IN THERE THAT MIGHT POSE PROBLEMS LATER ON.

BUT HE DOES NOT BELIEVE ME.

HE'LL EAT OLD SALMON TO PROVE IT DIDN'T MAKE MY MOTHER SICK.

THAT KIND OF THING.

OLDER THEY GET, THE MORE FUNNY THEY GET.

THAT'S NOT IN A MOCKING WAY.

THAT'S THE WORLD IS MOVING ON KIND OF WITHOUT THEM, AND I'M EXPERIENCING THAT IN MY OWN WAY.

TED: YES.

>> SO LIKE WHEN MY DAD IS TOO MAD BECAUSE I'VE BLOWN A LIGHTBULB, AND HE'S LIKE IT'S A RARE LIGHTBULB LAURIE, YOU CAN'T FIND THEM ANYMORE.

HE'S TALKING ABOUT IT'S THE OLD KIND BEFORE JOE BIDEN OUTLAWED THEM AND MADE L.E.D.

IT TAKES HIM A WHILE TO UNDERSTAND THAT.

TED: YOU WRITE, THIS IS POIGNANT, YOU FEAR THE DAY YOU WAKE UP AND YOU DON'T HAVE A MOTHER AND A FATHER.

>> YEAH, OH, MY GOD.

YEAH, OH, MY GOD.

MY PARENTS HAVE BEEN SUCH PILLARS IN MY LIFE, AND I'M 60, I'M THE OLDEST, BUT MY FATHER IS STILL VERY MUCH THE PATRIARCH, HE IS THE KING OF OUR DYNASTY.

IF YOU DON'T GO TO AN AUTO REPAIR PLACE THAT HE APPROVES OF, YOU ARE GROUNDED.

WHEN I STAY IN PHOENIX, I STILL HAVE A CURFEW, THAT IS 9:30.

TED: WHOA, REALLY?

>> YEAH, BECAUSE I HAVE TO BROER HIS CAR.

I HAVE TO HAVE THE CAR BACK.

I HAVE TO SAY MY FRIEND'S BAND IS PLAYING, TEN?

HOW ABOUT 9:30.

OKAY, I'LL GET THE CAR.

IT'S TERRIFYING TO NOT HAVE THE MATERIAL FOR A BOOK TO HAVE THEM AROUND.

>> I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT THAT, YOU HAVE TWO PARENTS AND YOU AND I ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE.

DO YOU MAKE YOURSELF LAUGH WHEN YOU WRITE?

DO YOU SAY ALL OF A SUDDEN BREAK OUT IN GAFF AS.

>> THAT IS SOMETHING THAT MY MOTHER OR SISTER HAS SAID.

PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE ME, BUT IT'S TRUE.

THIS IS STUFF THAT HAPPENED IN MY FAMILY, YOU CAN'T MAKE IT UP.

AND AMAZON READERS LEFT REVIEWS I LIVE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.

I DON'T.

WE'RE JUST ITALIAN.

THAT'S ALL IT IS.

YEAH, I'M GOING TO MISS THAT BUT ALSO GOING TO MISS THEM.

DO I MAKE MYSELF LAUGH ON A READ AFTERWARDS?

TED: AFTER, YES, DO YOU HAVE TO STOP AND PUT THE PEN DOWN BECAUSE YOU ARE LAUGHING?

>> I GIVE MY SISTER A CALL AND SAY GIVE ME THE DETAILS.

DAD SAID THIS.

THERE YOU GO.

TED: BEFORE YOU GO, THE BOOK IS "I'VE GOT A NEW COMPLAINT," HEY, WAIT, SEE?

I'M TRYING TO SCORE COOL POINT.

YOU HAVE A SHIN DIG WITH WINNIE RUTH JUDGE?

>> I'M NOT TRYING TO SHUG AUR UP, YOU ARE AWESOME.

IT IS THE 95th ANNIVERSARY OF THE WINNIE RUTH JUDGE MURDERS.

I AM HAVING A TOUR, TAKING PEOPLE THROUGH THE MURDER HOUSE AND THE DIFFERENT CRUCIAL LOCATIONS HAPPENING ON OCTOBER 17, 6:00 P.M.

GO TO HAPPEN -- LAURIE NOTARO.COM.

TED: SOUNDS LIKE A RIOT?

>> THERE'S A PUP NET THERE.

TED: YOU AND YOUR PUPPETS.

"I'VE GOT A NEW COMPLAINT."

LAURIE NOTARO, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR SUCCESS.

I KNEW YOU WHEN.

>> YOU KNOW ME STILL.

YOU WILL NEVER NOT KNOW ME.

TED: THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT.

THAT'S IT FOR NOW.

I'M TED SIMONS.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US, YOU HAVE A GREAT EVENING.