(bright upbeat music) (musket bangs) (glass smashing) - It's Czech.

Woolworths used to sell these for thruppence before the war.

That's about what they're worth.

- I think we've got time for on, haven't we, Mr. Cobbold?

- [Mr. Cobbold] Hm.

- Do you remember me?

I brought you the Staffordshire dogs last month, which you said weren't.

- Yes, Mrs. uh- - Ives.

- Mrs. Ives.

And what is it tod?

- I'm not quite sure.

My late husband said it was a guinea pouch.

- Yes, it isn't.

- Then what is it?

- Well, it's made of linen and .

- Have we stumped you, Lovejoy?

- Well, only for the right words, Mrs. Bannerman.

It's not a pouch.

Actually, it's an early contraceptive device.

(women laughing) Oh, dealers call them guinea pouches or sovereign purses in order to sell them.

Not a lot of call for antique rubber johnnies.

(women laughing) - Unhappily, this is the last rw we shall have with Mr. Lovejoy as he's off to pastures new at the end of the week, leaving us enriched and stimula.

You go with the knowledge that all the members of the Wisley Green Women's Institute have enjoyed you immensely.

(all applauding) - I don't think that came out the way she meant it.

Ooh, thank you.

I have enjoyed these quiet afte.

Surrounded by nice people talking about their hydrangeas and swapping chutney recipes.

Makes a welcome change from the conniving backstabbing avaricious alcoholics that populate the antique trade.

(footsteps thudding) - Shall we?

- Why not.

(gentle thoughtful music) (van engine revving) Do you believe this?

Lovejoy, b.

(van door slamming) Wrongly, as it happens.

(prison guard yells) (umbrella water splashing) - This weather'll keep the punt.

Fewer bids, cheaper prices.

- Look at this, 178.

- "16th-century Elizabethan min" Oh, that's quite lovely.

Possibly Hilliard.

Do you feel palpitations in you?

Do you hear the chime of heavens in your lugholes, Lovejoy?

- Yeah.

- Then it obviously is a Hillia.

- Unless it's that.

- [Tinker] Hideous!

- Not from where I'm standing.

- Bit glossy for the shires, wouldn't you say?

Hm?

- You interested?

- Excuse me?

- Are you thinking of making a ?

- I'm not sure.

It's listed as Chippendale.

- I can't place it.

- Surely, 18th century?

- No, no, no the accent.

I mean, I know it's EEC, I just can't think where.

- I am from Holland.

- Long way from home.

- I live in London.

- Well, if you've come for a bargain, this isn't it.

Look.

See where these screw holes have been filled in?

- But it's oak.

- Yeah, nicked from a vintage World War I bedroom cupboard.

Do you see how much paler the shrinkage lines are round t?

- Thank you, Mr.?

- No "Mr.," just Lovejoy.

Lovejoy Antiques.

- Renata Van Der Zee.

- Well, Renata, you've picked a very bad day.

I mean, most of the stuff here looks like it's come from Grann.

You'd be better off tucked up ig of the White Hart Hotel.

Shall we?

Oh, um.

I'll catch up with you,?

Don't break the bank on the Hil.

- You can't afford lunch in the snug of the White Hart Hotel with a woman of her taste.

- We're going Dutch.

(upbeat whimsical music) (bank notes rustling) (gentle upbeat whimsical) (man whistling) You could argue, I suppose, that I've done a few shady things in the past so it all equals out.

But you didn't have to spend eight months here sleeping next to a tattooed biker called Mavis.

I've read a lot.

And I've started writing a book.

But mostly I've wondered who se.

Now, I'm not thinking about rev, I'm wondering if there's any money involved, and if so, where's mine?

- [Guard] Come on, Lovejoy, let's have you.

We need the bed!

(upbeat rock music) (Lovejoy sighs) - I'll miss you, Lovejoy.

- I'll miss you too, Mavis.

Thanks for the Motorhead T-shir.

Ta-ta!

- [Guard] See you, Lovejoy.

- I hope not.

(traffic rumbles) (Lovejoy inhaling deeply) (car horn honks) Oh, Janey!

(both laughing) Oh, it's good to see you.

- It's good to see you.

- I didn't expect this, I'm tou.

- I was vaguely in the area looking at a horse so... - It's appreciated.

And so were your letters, the schoolgirl scrawl, and the hint of lavender on the.

- (laughs) Perhaps a hint of las a little dangerous in prison.

- Well, I read about it.

Pig fa.

(both chuckling) - I must say, you look awfully .

- Haven't had a drink for eights and I've played a lot of tennis.

- Tennis?

(tuts) Really?

That's scandalous.

- Why?

- Well, Lovejoy, people do go to prison to be punished, it seems rather inappropriate that they play tennis.

- Well, if it's any consolation we didn't have ballboys.

It was a desperate court.

In fact, as soon as I make somey I'm gonna donate a net.

(Jane laughs) - We'll both have the smoked salmon and then the lamb.

That okay?

- Your treat, Janey.

- Thank you, ma'am.

- Now, have you given any thougt as to where you're going to liv?

- Well, Tinker's offered me a bd but I don't think I could face , so might stay at the Cross Keys for a few nights.

- There is the possibility you could have one of our estats It's a thatch.

Could be quite n. But Alexander's not going to be terribly keen.

- Why?

He's always known about .

I mean, he's always known that there's nothing to know.

- All the same, he is a J.P. And you are now a convicted fel.

What was the charge, again?

- Trading in stolen goods!

Oh, yes, I think one or two of the bigger dealers just might be a little bit wary.

It'll be dead easy to get credi.

My liquid assets are nonexisten.

- All this sounds horribly fami.

You've always been broke and you've always had a tarnished reputation.

- [Lovejoy] Whoever set me up used that to their advantage.

- What do you mean?

- I mean, they needed someone ie and someone whose reputation was a bit iffy.

- Thank you.

(plates rattling) - Thank you.

- As you know, when this ghastly business happened, Alexander and I were in America, but when I heard about it, I have to be honest, I didn't immediately presume that you were innocent.

- That really hurts.

- Well, but then, of course, when I thought about it, I realized you had to be.

Would you like some horseradish?

- No, not with my smoked salmon.

- Oh.

I love it.

Could I have the horseradish?

- Certainly, ma'am.

- Oh, and the, um... - Yes, ma'am.

- I did hear, without any great, that there was a woman involved.

(gentle upbeat whimsical music) (van handbrake creaks) (seatbelt thuds) - About a week after I met Miss Holland in King's Lynn, (van door clunking) she called me.

(van door slamming) Asked me to drive over to Oxfor.

She had a business proposition and she was sure the trip would be worth my while.

(door rattles) - Good morning.

You're very pun.

- Hope you've got the kettle on.

(Renata chuckles) You own this place?

- I'm a partner.

I'm not here every day.

- Where is he then?

- If you're as gifted as people say, you'll find it.

(Lovejoy sighs) Om-ni-om-ni, cold.

Om-ni-om-ni-om-ni, getting warm.

Om-ni-om-ni-om-ni.

Getting very warm.

It's the Jacob, isn't it?

Good old Georgie Jacob.

I saw one of these once before.

It must've been in a house because they don't often turn up in salerooms.

Where'd you find it?

- Someone who's paying off his father's death duties.

I've paid a deposit.

He wants 3.

- Bite his hand off.

- [Renata] Excuse me?

- It means, make the deal fast.

Who is this guy?

- I don't think I should tell y.

You might be there this afternoon offering him 40.

- Probably would if I had the m. - I've spoken to a man in Antwe.

He wants to see it.

I would like you to take it there.

- Moi?

- I'll pay you 500 pounds advance against 5% commission.

- Why is it that most times when people want me to do something for them there's always a little wrinkle?

You were hoping I'll sell this before you have to pay the balae to your impoverished aristo?

- Do you have a problem with th?

- No, no, no.

I just wouldn't tell him it's leaving the country.

- You could leave the country in the morning and you could be back tomorrow .

- Customs would want to see a bill of sale.

- I'll give you one.

- Why don't you come with me?

You can keep an eye on it and m. - You're a dealer, Lovejoy, that's your business.

And you will make a better deal.

- Yeah.

- Yes?

- Yeah.

(traffic rumbling) (horns honking) Next day I was in Belgium, after the customary nightmare trip on a British car ferry full of crying babies and vomit.

- Made for Napoleon, you say?

- Present for Josephine.

Probably find one of her hairpins in that drawer.

- The veneer is a little cracke.

- I'd be more suspicious if it .

- It is rather nice.

- Isn't it?

- I'm tempted.

- Good.

- I might have to do a little r. - [Lovejoy] Well, I wouldn't do too much if I was you.

- I may have it on my hands for.

- Well, it won't lose its value?

- I am tempted.

- Look, there's bound to be some ping pong involved in this deal, so throw out a figure and we'll start from there.

I'm only here for the day.

- 75,000.

- Belgian francs?

- US.

- What's that in sterling?

- I think today's rate is 1.67.

- 1.65.

- Almost 45,500 pounds.

- Is that a Flemish joke?

- I think that's a very reasona.

- Darling, why don't you put on a large pot of coffee.

We're only at the dawn of these negotiations.

(fire crackling) (people chattering) (glasses clinking) - Lovejoy has returned.

- With a bottle of Bols for you.

And these are for you, Eric.

- Ah!

Chocolates?

- Belgian chocolates.

In the shape of sea shells.

- But I don't eat chocolate.

And I don't eat shellfish eithe.

- Fine.

I'll have a large Scotch, and fill these two up.

- Are we celebrating?

- We certainly are, my old son.

I have here a check for the delightful Miss Van Der Zee, to the tune of 57,000 pounds, which means she owes me 2,850.

- (whistles) These are splendid times we live in.

- Yeah, a nice tickle, and all I get is a box of chocolates.

- Well, I shall invest in a bott and a can of assorted nuts.

- Coming round, is she, to show her gratitude?

- I'm sure whatever she shows will be worth looking at, Eric.

- Hey!

Oi!

Hey!

- Did she turn up?

- No, didn't even telephone.

- Hm.

Not often Lovejoy gets a no-show, is it?

- Especially when I've got 57 grand waiting for them.

(tense whimsical music) (footsteps crunching) So, after a couple of days I went looking for her.

- [Mark] Thank you very much.

- Hello.

- Good morning.

- I'm looking for a Miss Van De.

- Van Der Zee?

That's a very unusual- - Name, isn't it?

Dutch, I imag.

- Uh, Renata Van Der Zee.

- Renata?

Don't think I've ever known a Renata.

- Yes you have, Markie.

Shrewsbury Rep. Or was it Westc?

We were in the theater, you see.

- Yes, hold on a minute, Marigo.

Yes, she was the A.S.M.

And...

Yes, and it was Shrewsbury.

"Un" - We never did "Uncle Vanya" in Shrewsbury.

- Oh, really?

I could have swor.

Look, I- - This Renata is a partner in this business.

- [Marigold] Oh, you're wrong t. No, we are the sole- - Proprietors, yes.

Mark and Marigold Paynter, proprietors.

- It says so outside.

- I met her in this very room l. - No, no, no, no, you've got it.

You've got the wrong place.

We're closed on Mondays.

(tense whimsical music) - [Eric] Do you have a photo of?

- No, I don't.

Why?

- Well, I could flash it round the salerooms, 'cause you met her in a saleroo.

- It was way off our patch.

- Do you reckon she's stitched ?

- I don't know, Eric.

I don't see how she could come .

- She might be in trouble.

Dang.

(police siren wailing) Peel rubber, let's lose 'em!

(door clunking) - Ah, Lovejoy.

You took a valuable antique to Belgium this week?

- Yes, I did.

- [D.I.

Roache] "Table du toile" - Empire, ormolu mounted.

Burr Elm, made by Georges Jacob circa 1808.

- It was nicked.

- No, it wasn't.

I checked your lists.

I'm not a total idiot when it comes to carrying something that distinctive.

- It wasn't reported till yestey when the owner returned from Sc.

A Mr. Michael Seymour?

- Michael Seymour.

I've done business with him.

- I know you have.

You know that house.

And what's in it.

And how to ge.

- Let's cut the bullshit right .

I was acting on behalf of anoth.

I was instructed, by her, to take a piece to Belgium and sell it, which I did, and I have here a check drawn ie by the dealer in Antwerp.

(letter ripping) - [D.I.

Roache] You're gonna need a brief, Lovejoy.

(phone ringing) - I can't believe you didn't watch him write out the check?

- I did.

Must've switched it before I le.

- Then you know he was implicat?

- Certain.

No proof.

- And no one's seen sight or sod of the lovely Renata since?

- Nope.

- Without her, you didn't have much of a case.

- [Lovejoy] None.

- Why go to so much trouble to ?

Is that the expression?

- Well, I intend to find out.

But, first, I've gotta square things with Michael Seymour.

Yes, it is slightly embarrassing because Alexander and I see Michael socially.

- I do business with him.

- It's rather frightening knowiy wanted you out of the way.

- I know somebody who wants us both out of the way.

- [Jane] Who?

- The waiter.

Pay the bill.

(upbeat music) - Look, if you're desperate, you know where the cottage is.

And there should be a key under the geranium pot.

I'll sort things out with Alexa.

- [Lovejoy] Thanks.

And for lunch.

And for picking .

- I'm sure everyone will rally .

- It's Friday, isn't it?

- Lot 47, ladies and gentlemen, offered as a pair.

Two vinaigrettes, one a silver-gilt of about 1820, the other a fine piece of Georgr by William Pugh of Birmingham.

Will anybody start me off?

200 pounds.

250.

300.

350.

Still showing at 350 pounds to the young gentleman over the.

- What are you doing?

Are you mad?

- [Auctioneer] Come along, we can do better than this.

Yes, 400.

(Eric sighs) Lovejoy.

(nothing laughs) Nice to see you.

You bidding to?

- Not today, thank you.

- [Auctioneer] Still showing at 400 pounds.

(hammer slams) Sold to the gentleman at the back.

Number 10.

(group laughing) - Believe it or not, the governor's wife had a little antique shop.

So, I was off and running.

Before long I was giving lecturs down the Women's Institute.

- (laughs) So, it wasn't exactly hard time then, Lovejoy?

- It was still prison, Eric.

Chalking off the days and wondering if you'd ever get rid of the smell of carbolic and overcooked cabbage.

- On the subject of restoring your reputation, Lovejoy, there's somebody wants to talk .

- The pope?

- No.

Old Andy Coote.

- Andy Coote the fence?

- He's gone straight.

He's working as a groundsman at the college.

He grabbed me at the Woolpack, said he's got something to tell.

- I've been talking to people as well about the case.

Digging around, asking question.

Subtle but to the point, like.

- And?

(people chattering) (glasses clinking) And what'd you come up with, Er?

- Nothing.

(cash register ringing) They all think you did it.

- [Tinker] Hmm!

(birds chirping) (motorcycle engine revving) (tense upbeat music) (motorcycle engine rumbles) - Oh, you know, I dreamed that you traded this in for something with a seat and a.

- [Eric] Yeah, well, as soon as I pull a big score I'm gonna get a Harley.

- Well, in the meantime, get a .

(motorcycle engine revving) (window smashing) (door latch clunking) (gentle thoughtful music) (gentle thoughtful music contin) (door clunking) (wind billowing) (smooth upbeat jazz music) (car door slamming) - Oh!

(gasps) - Good evening!

You were in the pub earlier, then you tailed me back home.

And you've been sitting out here for hours.

Are you too shy to ask me something, Officer?

- (sighs) Police Constable Bain.

- Police Constable Bainbridge.

Now, what's all this about?

- You're breaking and entering.

- That was hours ago.

What you waiting for, backup?

- And illegal trespass.

- You're grasping at straws.

You're on surveillance.

You're harassing an innocent ma.

- All right, how about physical assault of a police officer?

- Give me a break.

Look, make your call, then we can all get some sleep.

- The trouble with Bali is it is so seductive.

I literally went there for a month, to finish my novel, four months later I was still there, hadn't written a page.

Oh, my agent was in a terrible .

He had to invent various tropics to fend off the publishers.

(la) - Do you always write where your book is set?

- Oh, no.

I'm hopeless at resea.

But I do like to get out of Lon.

I was thinking of renting somewhere around here for a few.

- Really?

You know, we do have .

- Oh, no, darling, that wouldn't be suitable.

It hasn't got a roof.

- 'Cause it has.

It'll need rethatching in a yeao but it's quite sound.

- Thatch?

Oh, that sounds charm.

- [Alexander] It's got a garden.

- Full of rats, that barn, and we've never really got rid .

(phone ringing) Excuse me.

- You know, Jane's painting a dreary picture, it's actually quite quaint.

- Well, I'd love to see it.

- So you shall.

- 7265.

Sergeant who?

- Yes.

Yes.

Yes, that's absolutely true, he is there with my permission.

Not at all.

Goodnight.

- [Alexander] Who was it, darli?

- Nobody.

Just one of the villa.

- Oh, I just thought I heard you say "sergeant."

- I did.

It was Mrs.

Sergeant.

Betty Ser.

She's organizing this thing in the church hall, we're saving the rainforests.

Are we all right for wine?

(motorcycle engine revving) - Stop!

(motorcycle tires skidding) (sighs) I'll walk from here.

- [Eric] Oh, there's no point being embarrassed about these wheels, Lovejoy, 'cause until you get your own, this is all the motoring you're gonna be doing.

- Thank you, Eric.

(slaps) I ne.

(gentle upbeat music) - Lovejoy.

- Hello, Michael.

It's good of you to see me.

- You're looking very fit.

- Yeah, so everyone tells me.

- (chuckles) Come on.

Thank you, Mrs. Gooch.

How do you take it?

- Black, without.

Michael, I came here to clear t. (coffee trickles) I had nothing to do with robbing your house.

I didn't know the Jacob was you, I didn't even know it was stole.

- If that were true it would appear there's been a grave miscarriage of justice.

- If I had turned your house ov, I wouldn't have taken what was .

I would have taken these.

- [Michael] Ah, now losing thos, that really would have broken m. - Apart from the Jacob, did you get the rest of the stu?

- Sadly, no.

- Local plod put a tail on me y.

They're probably hoping I'll lead them to the loot.

(door knocking) (door clunking) - Yes?

- We're supposed to sweep the chimney, sir.

- Yes, of course, come in.

Lovejoy, why don't you take youe through to the main hall.

Um, now, I know everybody says s but you will be very careful, w?

- [Chimney Sweep] Yes, of cours.

- Yes.

I'm sure you will.

(gentle tense music) (chuckles) Like a moth to a fla.

The cause of all your misfortun.

- It wasn't here before.

- No, it used to be in my wife'.

- That's why I didn't know abou.

A room I never went into.

- (chuckles) I didn't get in there much myself.

- [Lovejoy] Oh, dear.

Past tens?

- We agreed to go our separate .

Anyway, it's better down here.

I felt it deserved a wider audi.

- Well, you must admit, I took good care of it for you.

- I've no complaints on that sc.

I was more concerned about the e bringing it back from Belgium.

They're not the sort of chaps who respect a word like fragile.

- Michael, you do believe me, d?

- (chuckles) My instincts tell e you've had a bad break on this .

I think we should put it all be.

And if I can put any business your way, I won't hesitate.

I appreciate that.

(slurps coff) - Have you any idea who set you up?

Any leads?

- Very few.

I know old Andy Coote wants to tell me something.

- Coote?

Oh, yes.

He's been inside himself, hasn'?

- It's probably just gossip.

- Yeah, probably.

(laughs) (bird flapping) (cloth rustling) (Lovejoy laughs) - [Jane] What are you doing wit?

- Miriam?

Miriam who?

- Miriam Morris, she was my very first car.

I named her after my nanny, who I absolutely adored.

I see you've had something nest.

- Miriam Morris?

- Mm.

Didn't you give your thin?

- No, I didn't!

Where I come from I don't think I'd have survived long if I'd called my bike Beatrice.

- (chuckles) Lovejoy, about the.

- Oh, I love it.

I feel very at home here.

I can use the barn as my worksh.

What happened to the key?

- I don't know.

Perhaps Alexand.

- Have you squared this with Alexander yet?

- Not in so many words.

The timing wasn't right.

- You know, I will pay rent once I've turned things around.

- He'd insist on something down, I'm afraid.

You see he's almost promised it to this ghastly lady novelist, Harriet Barker.

- Ooh, I read one of her novels.

Torrid stuff, Jane.

- Ugh.

There's so much sex.

She obviously isn't getting any.

- That's probably why Alexander wants her here.

- What?

- Oh, nothing.

Just a joke.

(majestic music) Excuse me, I'm looking for Andy.

- Cootey?

Well, he'll be up on the playing fields, won't he.

Or in the cricket pavilion havi.

He's popular today.

Someone else has been asking af.

- When was that?

- Ooh.

A few minutes ago?

- Thank you.

(tense suspenseful music) Cootey!

(Lovejoy sighs) (door clunking) (dramatic music) (man yells) (men clattering) (bat clattering) (blow thuds) (man groans) (balls smashing) (man grunting) - Thanks, Lovejoy.

Nick did you a bit of good, did?

You're fitter than you used to .

- [Lovejoy] Who was that?

- No idea.

- What did he want?

- Wanted to know what I was gonna tell you.

- Did you tell him?

- No.

But I might've done if you hadn't shown up.

(car engine revving) - I'm sorry, Cootey.

You okay?

- Wouldn't mind a snifter.

(cans clanking) I used to fence a bit for this team from the Smoke.

They turned over places in Londn and I'd palm the stuff off roun.

- I know, Cootey, you once tried to flog me a hot commode.

- Hot commode?

(laughs) Hurts to think about it, Lovejo!

- Yeah, go on.

- I don't do it now, missus'd k. But one thing they showed me I', hidden away till you came out.

It's, um, a little watercolor.

William Callow.

- Wait a minute.

That's one of the things that was taken from Seymour's.

- That's right, but it wasn't nicked from Seymour's place, it came from a house in Fulham about three months ago.

So, all I'm saying is, if you find out how it happened to be in London you might find out who's stitch.

- The only person that knew I was going to see Andy Coote was Michael Seymour.

- I don't get it.

That means he must've been invod in robbing his own place.

- That has been known.

- Ah, you mean like an insurance scam?

Something like that?

- Michael Seymour doesn't need the insurance.

And the stolen stuff was a very manky collection.

- Absolutely.

They were all things he could live without.

Seymour's a collector, Eric.

He has a collector's passion.

He likes to look at things.

Things other people can envy.

If he was gonna rob himself and stash this stuff, he'd choose things he'd never m. - Except the Jacob.

- Made sure he got the Jacob back, didn't he?

(door knocking) (door clunking) - Yes?

- Hello, I'm Lovejoy.

Lovejoy Antiques.

Have you had a burglary here in the last few months?

- Yes, we have.

- Would this be one of the things that was stolen?

- Oh, yes, it was!

That belongs to my flatmate.

Well, perhaps you'd better come.

- Who was... - Hello.

- [Olivia] Do you two know each other or something?

- Yes, I know Renata.

If Renata's her real name.

- Well, of course, it is, isn't it, Renata?

- Olivia, could you perhaps leave us alone for a few moment?

- Oh, um, absolutely.

I'll make a cup of tea, shall I?

Right.

(door clunking) - How did you find me?

- Well, I was trying to figure out how this painting ended up in this house.

But I guess that's pretty obvious now, isn't it?

What was it?

Pay-off from Micha?

- It was a gift.

- Oh, well, yeah, sure.

- Look, I had no idea you would go to prison.

- You take as long as you want, I've got used to killing time.

- I met Michael through Pieter .

We became friends.

Well, lovers.

- Can't blame Michael for that.

- He asked me to meet you and persuade you to take the dressing table to Belgium.

I swear I don't know why.

- How did you work that scam at the antique barn in Oxford?

- I went there with a man who works for Michael.

We put the Jacob in the store just before you arrive and so you think I worked there.

- This man, was he short, squat, built like a pit bull?

- Yes.

Do you know him?

- I've played cricket with him.

- [Renata] I have not seen Michael for many months.

- Well, you were disposable, love.

Just like me.

- So, are you going to take me to the police?

- Oh, now that would be a waste.

Besides, I hate the police.

The police, that's it.

That's it.

- That is what?

- Hope Michael buys a lot of tickets for their ball, 'cause he sure owes them a favo.

Oh, very nice, Janey.

- Can you hang these yourself or are you absolutely useless in that area?

- 'Course I can, I've got Eric.

Have you told Alexander about my being here yet?

- I haven't really had time.

- (sighs) Does he know I'm out?

- Possibly not.

- Are you and he entertaining t?

- Oh, no, I couldn't possibly ask you to dinner, Lovejoy, that would be pushing things mu.

- Not me, I was thinking of Michael Seymour.

- Oh, why?

- Well, you know his wife's lef.

Poor Michael.

Thought you might pair him off with the lady novelist.

- (sighs) What are you up to?

- Nothing, I just want him out of the way for a few hours while I break into his house.

- What?

Are you insane?

That's what you've just been in prison for.

(car engine revving) - Yes, sort of poetic, really.

- Yo!

(laughs) (car engine rumbles) What about that then?

- Oh, can I use it, Jane?

I'll .

- You'll fix it?

- We'll fix it.

New tires, MOT.

- I suppose so.

But if you promise Miriam to take good care of her.

- Mm!

- Oh.

I must fly.

I'll think about the dinner pary but I'm not making any promises.

- Who the hell's Miriam?

- Oh, it's her pet name for the.

- Oh, my... We can't tool round in a car called Miriam!

- It goes, doesn't it?

You've p. It's open, which means I can put stuff in it.

If the name bothers you, call i.

- Nothing happening, just some commemorative medals on the move.

- Never mind about that, he's worked it out.

- Come into the office.

- Oh, you are gonna love this, .

The whole phony burglary at Seys was so that the Jacob could be reported stolen and brought back from Belgium under police custody.

- I think I do like it.

A smurf.

- A what?

- Something that's not what it .

It came back a lot heavier than?

- Exactly.

And Customs never we.

- I like it so much I wish we'd thought of it ourselves.

- [All] Do you mind?

- So, what do you reckon was in?

- Something too hot or too valuable to trust to a paid mul.

- I reckon it's something so hot it's still in there.

You know, Seymour's the kind ofy that only likes to take it out from time to time and look at it.

- He's gonna break in.

- You better do that.

He's got a shiny new alarm.

The insurance people made him p. - Yeah, he's probably got pressure pads, heat sensors, photo-electric cells.

You open a door or a window and!

- Chimneys are clean.

Just been.

(car engine revving) - He's just arrived.

Lovejoy, do be careful.

(Jane sighs) (guests chattering) - [Michael] Good evening, Jane.

- Michael, good of you to come.

(motorcycle engine revving) - [Eric] Don't you think I should wait back at the pub, at the crossroads?

- [Lovejoy] Wheel the bike under those trees and wait for me.

- [Eric] Yeah, but if I get cau, I'll just say I dropped you off 'cause I thought you were going for a sherry.

- [Lovejoy] You won't get caugh.

(guests chattering) (Alexander chuckles) (stone wall scraping) (gentle tense music) (metal clattering) (plastic bags rustling) (door clicking) (gentle tense music continues) - Oh, I don't know.

I think you can still be surprised after 17 years.

I know I was.

It was all rather unexpected re.

I simply said to my wife one da, "Look, what would you really like for your birthday?"

She said, "A how about a divorc" (guests chuckling) and I said, "I wasn't thinking of spending that much money".

(guests laughing) (wooden slat creaking) (gentle tense music) (wooden drawer clunks) (door clunking) (footsteps tapping) (coat zip rasps) (tense whimsical music) (gentle tense music) (match striking) (suspenseful music) (fire crackling) (Lovejoy coughing) (tense whimsical music) - Huh!

I mean, it's nice.

No, I mean, I'm not saying it'se but it's only a girl's head.

- It's only a girl's head by Va. Seymour could never sell it.

Couldn't even show it to his fr.

Stolen from the Rijksmuseum in , which is where it belongs.

- If you're restoring this to a grateful nation, Lovejoy, there should be a little tickle in it from the insurers.

- I can't be found in possession of stolen goods, Tink.

Just got out of nick.

- What's in it for us then, Lov?

- "Us"?

It was me that was banged up, Eric.

I intend to be compensated for loss of income.

I wanna put a deposit down on t, settle my alimony, and pay the final, final, final demand from the Inland Revenue.

And get some new tires for Miri.

- Who's Miriam?

- Don't ask.

(phone dialer whirring) (phone ringing) - Hello?

Lovejoy.

- I know you're a creature of habit, Michael, so I can just imagine you're in front of the fire with a cup of coffee and a chocolate Bath Oliver.

I know you set me up, Michael, I know why and I know how high the stakes were.

- I can understand jail making you bitter, Lovejoy, I didn't think it would make yo.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's rather late and I want to .

- Before you hit the sack, just check the Jacob out.

Pleasant dreams, Michael.

(phone line clicks) (birds chirping) (Lovejoy cheerfully humming) (water splashing) (car engine whirring) (car door clunking) (birds chirping) (Lovejoy blowing bubbles) (door lock clunking) (water splashing) - Ah, that's odd.

My wife must've had some workme.

- Oh, it's absolutely sweet.

- Of course, we'll put in some decent furniture for you.

It's quiet though, isn't it?

No one to disturb you when the creative juices are flowing.

- (laughs) Well, I hope you'll drop by, Alexander.

I love distractions.

Can you smell Badedas?

- "Badedas"?

Lovejoy!

- Alexander.

Didn't Jane tell y?

Harriet Barker, love your books.

(upbeat whimsical music) (envelope thuds) - I think you'll find that's the sum you suggested.

- Good.

- I'm surprised you didn't want your day in court?

- Wouldn't get me back the time I lost, would it?

I'll expect to read that the Vak is back in the museum by the end of the month.

If it isn't, I will shop you.

And don't forget I can prove that the burglary was a sham because I have Renata and I can also find a nice little William Callow watercolor that used to hang in your hall.

- Look, Lovejoy, I had nothing against you personally, it's simply the business we cho.

As the stakes get higher we get more unscrupulous.

- You can't trust anybody, can you, Michael?

Look at your Belgium friend, Ma.

- Maartens?

He kept his end of .

- Did he?

Take another look at the Jacob.

I mean, it's good, it's very go.

It's not the one I took to Belg.

(bright upbeat music) (bright upbeat music continues) (majestic music)