>> WHEN I WAS IN GRADE SCHOOL, I WROTE HAIKUS, I MADE COIL POTS IN ART CLASS, I PLAYED TRUMPET, ALL THE WHILE FEELING TRAPPED IN THE BODY OF A DANCER.

I WANTED TO DANCE SO BAD.

35 EARS LATER, I GET A PHONE CALL, AND T'S LISE HOULTON FROM THE MINNESOTA DANCE THEATER.

AND SHE WANTS ME TO PERFORM A SMALL PART IN THEIR PRODUCTION OF THE "NUTCRACKER."

YES, YES, FINALLY, MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!

IT'S LIKE BILLY ELLIOT MEETS BENJAMIN BUTTON.

THE NEXT DAY I RUN TO THE DANCE STORE.

"“I NEED BALLET SHOES AND TIGHTS.

"” "“BECAUSE I AM IN THE NUTCRACKER.

"” "“OH,"” THE CLERK SAYS, "“WHICH ONE?

"” SHE SAYS SHE'’S IN ONE AT CHURCH, AND HER DAUGHTER IS IN ONE AT HER GIRL SCOUT TROOP.

IT TURNS OUT EVERYONE FROM THE HUMANE SOCIETY TO THE CURLING CLUB HAS A VERSION OF THE NUTCRACKER.

I SAY, "“WELL, THE MINNESOTA DANCE THEATER."

"“OH,"” SHE SAYS, "“THAT'’S THE BIG ONE.

"” AND THEN IT DAWNS ON ME.

I'’LL BE ON STAGE WITH MEMBERS OF THE AMERICAN BALLET THEATER, THE JOFFREY AND THE MINNESOTA DANCE COMPANY.

I DON'’T KNOW WHAT I'’M DOING.

AND, TIGHTS ARE NOT KIND TO ME.

I'M TOLD MY KNEES LOOK LIKE I'’M SMUGGLING WALNUTS.

INSTEAD OF THE BODY OF AN EXCLAMATION POINT, I HAVE THE BODY OF A QUESTION MARK.

INSTEAD OF "“I'’M HERE"” IT'’S LIKE "“I'’M HERE?

"” SO I PRACTICED AND PRACTICED, I MEAN, REHEARSED AND REHEARSED.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

OPENING NIGHT WAS SPECTACULAR, OKAY, I HAD TO KEEP PULLING UP MY TIGHTS AND I STEPPED ON A MOUSE CHILD, BUT I FELT I REALLY NAILED IT.

IN THE RECEIVING LINE AFTER THE SHOW, A PATRON WAS GOING DOWN THE ROW OF DANCERS.

"“HOW WONDERFUL, HOW BEAUTIFUL.

"” WHEN SHE GOT TO ME SHE SAID, "“AND YOU, WHAT A GOOD SPORT.

"” GOOD SPORT?

LATER I ASKED THE BOY PLAYING FRITZ, AMAZING DANCER 6 YEARS OLD, "“HOW DO YOU DO IT?

"” HE SAID, "“EVERY DANCER HAS A DIAMOND ON THEIR CHEST.

YOU NEED TO LET THAT DIAMOND SHINE ALL THE WAY TO THE BACK OF THE THEATER.

"” AFTER THAT NIGHT I LET MY ART FLY OUT THE DIAMOND ON MY CHEST.

I NEVER WAS VERY GOOD, BUT YOU WOULD'’VE NEVER GUESSED IT BY MY JOY.

MY FAVORITE PART WAS SEEING THE MOUSE CHILDREN OFFSTAGE IN THE WINGS AS THE PRINCIPAL DANCERS TOOK THEIR POSITIONS, BY THEIR FACES FOR THESE KIDS THIS WAS EVEN BETTER THAN HAIKUS AND COIL POTS.