>> KEVIN: IN MINNESOTA, WE HAVE A DAY CALLED MOTHER’S DAY.

IT’S ALSO KNOWN AS THE FISHING SEASON OPENER.

IF YOU’RE LIKE ME, YOU’RE SITTING IN THE BOAT, HOPING YOU MAILED THE CARD IN TIME AND THINKING YOU’RE GONNA MAKE THOSE FISH PAY FOR WHAT THEY’RE DOING TO YOUR MOM.

IN THE LAPPING WAVES, I CAN HEAR HER REPRIMANDS.

HER REPRIMANDS ALWAYS HAD THE MOST AMAZING SENSE OF OPTIMISM.

"WHAT IF EVERYONE DID THAT?” "YEAH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT."

ANOTHER WAS "KEVIN, THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE FOR EVERYTHING.” OH, I GET IT, SO IT’S NOT THAT I BLEW UP MY SISTER'S BARBIE DOLL WITH AN M80, IT’S MORE THAT I DID IT IN THE DINING ROOM AT NOON.

BUT THE MOST AMAZING THING ABOUT MY MOM WAS HER PURSE, A MYSTERY WRAPPED IN A CONUNDRUM WRAPPED IN NAUGAHYDE.

WHATEVER THE SITUATION CALLED FOR, THE PURSE HELD THE ANSWER.

I REMEMBER ONE YEAR, MY MOM, MY BROTHER AND I WERE HEADED SOUTH TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH MY GRANDPARENTS.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, A CLUNKING, TEARING RACKET EMERGED FROM UNDER THE CAR.

WE WHEELED INTO A TRUCK STOP RESTURAUNT AND MY MOM JUST SAT THERE STARING OUT FROM THE NAUGAHYDE BOOTH.

WE WERE GOING TO MISS CHRISTMAS.

I WANTED TO CRY.

SO DID MY BROTHER.

BUT JUST BEFORE THE TEARS STARTED TO FLOW, MY MOM REACHED INTO HER PURSE AND PULLED OUT A DRINKING STRAW WRAPPED IN PAPER.

SHE TORE THE PAPER OFF ONE END AND SLIPPED THE PAPER DOWN THE STRAW UNTIL IT MADE A TINY CONCERTINA AT THE BOTTOM.

THEN SHE REMOVED THE PAPER, PUT THE STRAW IN THE WATER AND SAID, “LOOK, BOYS, THE MAGIC SNAKE.” SHE DROPPED THE WATER ON THE SCRUNCHED PAPER AND IT BEGAN TO MOVE LIKE A SNAKE.

THEN IT STOPPED.

WE SAT THERE STARING AT THE WET PIECE OF PAPER, MY MOM PUT HER HANDS OVER HER EYES AND STARTED SHAKING.

I REACHED OUT TO HUG HER AND SHE TURNED AND SMILED.

I GRABBED TWO WHITE NON-DAIRY CREAMERS, SHOVED ‘EM IN MY EYES AND SANG, “THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW.” MY BROTHER SHOWED HOW LONG HE COULD KEEP A MILK BUBBLE ON THE END OF HIS TONGUE, AND WE CONTINUED OUR TALENT CONTEST UNTIL THE TABLE WAS STREWN WITH GARBAGE AND THE SERVER YELLED, “WHAT IF EVERYONE DID THAT?"

THEN MY BROTHER’S TALENT MILK SHOT OUT OF HIS NOSE.

MOM, LIKE A CANDLE TO THE DARK.

SO, THIS WEEKEND,, THE BOAT MAY HAVE MY BODY.

BUT MY HEART IS WITH MY MOM.