Funding for COLORES was provided in part by: Frederick Hammersley Fund, New Mexico PBS Great Southwestern Arts & Education Endowment Fund, and the Nellita E. Walker Fund for KNME-TV at the Albuquerque Community Foundation... ...New Mexico Arts, a division of the Department of Cultural Affairs, and by the National Endowment for the Arts... and Viewers Like You.

THIS TIME, ON COLORES!

ANDR�S MARIO DE VARONA SHARES HOW PHOTOGRAPHY TRANSFORMED HIS OBSESSION WITH DEATH INTO A CELEBRATION OF LIFE.

WE BEGIN OUR INSTITUTE OF AMERICAN INDIAN ARTS "MAKING HISTORY" SERIES WITH ALUMNI HEATHER AHTONE SENIOR CURATOR OF FIRST AMERICANS MUSEUM IN OKLAHOMA CITY, OKLAHOMA INSPIRED BY HER CHILDHOOD NEIGHBORHOOD, FASHION DESIGNER NAT DELLA SELVA CONNECTS WITH HER COMMUNITY THROUGH PLAYFULLY DESIGNED CLOTHING.

IT'S ALL AHEAD ON COLORES!

RECLAIMING LIFE [Music] >>Faith Perez: How did you first become drawn to themes like loss and grief in your photography?

>>Andr�s Mario de Varona: That came about with my mother's death in 2016.

She passed away from an autoimmune disease and, when that happened I felt like everything in my life changed, you know, from like one moment to the next, literally, like overnight.

I felt like I had grown up and suddenly I was this new person.

And I had to, you know, be there for myself, but also for my sisters and my family members.

And, it kind of, I was in the middle of processing all that, but I was also really into photography.

And I thought, I'm gonna start kind of working with the two.

But it didn't really come about that easily.

It actually started with this photo.

After she had passed away I was going back and forth a lot from Bloomington to Miami and in ways I was very grateful for that because I could also use Indiana as a way to escape everything that was happening.

But when I would go back to Miami you know, it was like also this feeling of, like, guilt in a way, because I could leave it and like my sisters couldn't leave it when they probably wanted to at some point.

And, and I wanted to make a photo that would, um, talk about that and visualize that kind of torn feeling of like wanting to escape but then also feeling guilty for it, and also processing, like, my first experience with, like, a grief, like a serious passing.

>>Faith Perez: Tell me a little more about the "Contact" series.

What was it about and what motivated that?

>>Andr�s Mario de Varona: It was about inviting death back into the home space, in my mother's home space in particular, and working with my sisters and my family members to try and contact her spirit through ritual and through these performances.

>>Faith Perez: Why was it important for you to use your mother's clothing in this series?

>>Andr�s Mario de Varona: My mother's nightgown.

It was a nightgown that she had bought but never really worn.

So when I found it, I immediately just, it became like a relic for me.

This is like a physical thing that once belonged to her and it's just something that I can have that embodies her to me.

Having all of my family present in the images was a big thing too, because even if only one of us is in it or I'm in it, we were all there together in that moment.

And we're not necessarily the best talkers, I would say, in terms of speaking about death and confronting our feelings in that manner.

But, knowing that we were all there in that dark room just thinking about her presence my, mother's presence, it was very, um, cathartic, I would say, for all of us.

>>Faith Perez: Are these your grandparents?

>>Andr�s Mario de Varona: Yeah, these are my grandparents.

My grandmother on the right and my grandfather on the left.

With my mother is one of my mother's shoes and that's her wedding ring and my grandfather's hand.

It was difficult for everyone in different ways, particularly my grandfather and my stepfather.

But the big idea was to reclaim death as an experience for us rather than it be something that was so traumatizing and scary and something that was like taken from us.

So it's kind of like building a connection to it.

>>Faith Perez: So, tell me the story about this photo.

>>Andr�s Mario de Varona: I remember when I saw my mother in the hospital she had a lot of bruises on her around like the IV and stuff, I guess She just kind of had like this purple like swelling and her skin was not the same color as it used to be.

So, I laid out these ice blocks on top of the nightgown and made a photograph of it.

And the weight of it, and kind of like the color of it, I wanted to kind of try and visualize that experience of seeing her in the hospital room.

I just I feel like when this all happened it was really a way for me to process everything.

[Music] >>Andr�s Mario de Varona: The experience of death, like that so close to me, also allowed me to live in a more meaningful way and really try and be honest with myself and others and just put myself out there in a way that I don't think I would have if I didn't experience death.

And, I feel like that goes for everyone in a way too.

So, I think it's an important thing to talk about and also just, um, kind of make normal in a way.

[Music] >>Faith Perez: How did your obsession with death end up turning into an obsession with life?

>>Andr�s Mario de Varona: That started in New Mexico.

I came here with the intent of continuing my "Contact" series on my mom, and that didn't, that totally changed when I started meeting people here in New Mexico.

They like, changed my life.

And I realized that I just couldn't keep doing that "Contact' series anymore.

And there was so much more energy that I was feeling and, and, life, and just like excitement.

And, and, I wasn't, I wasn't sad anymore.

So I, I couldn't do that anymore.

>>Faith Perez: What motivated your series "Trials?"

>>Andr�s Mario de Varona: It was, um, was Marsha.

And getting to know her.

She suffered from stage four cancer in her in her mouth.

The cancer, um, damaged her tongue and she had three- quarters of her tongue removed.

So her speech was forever changed.

And, she's a very, she's someone who takes pride in communicating.

She was a teacher and she spoke all the time with students.

And so her life suddenly was just changed forever and her identity was changed.

Everything was changed.

She motivated the project "Trials" because, as I got to know her more, I saw her unable to accept this new, um, condition, this new identity.

And I also saw things in myself that I couldn't accept.

And that kind of started this collaborative project on making images about those things basically that we can't accept.

>>Faith Perez: What are these masks that, you know, you've included in this series, and what do they represent?

>>Andr�s Mario de Varona: These are cancer radiation masks.

And when I showed Marcia what it was she knew exactly what it was because of the treatment that she had to go through.

So there was this kind of like big connection that started to happen and I, I found myself using it too, similarly, like the way I would use my mother's dress.

I started using them as a way to connect flesh and spirit.

In the same way when I just found that dress, that was like the last thing I had of hers, and I feel like this is the last thing I have had of someone else's.

Even if I don't know that person, it, it is just a very symbolic object.

Like, I feel like there's a lot of energy in it and a lot of weight in it.

And I think the reason why I am drawn to those kind of intensities and illnesses and things like that is because of my own sense of loss and my own sense of unfairness that I've had to deal with and grapple with.

>>Faith Perez: So tell me about this photo.

It's titled "To See Myself Alive," right?

>>Andr�s Mario de Varona:.

Yes.

It's Marcia in a hole and she's literally trying to get out of the hole.

And as she was coming out and trying to get out of it, I was making pictures.

To me it's a battle of acceptance.

It's an exercise of rebirth in a way too, of kind of struggling with wanting to accept this new change, but literally just not being able to, because this isn't who you are.

This one is the frame that I chose because you can't tell if she's going in or necessarily coming out.

And to me that just kind of spoke on the whole project of "Trials."

I just think it encapsulates the idea of a victory.

I try to think about art and then particularly the images in "Trials."

I try to think of them as victories against, like, the harsh realities of living.

And it may not be a victory in the sense like "we won," but it's a victory in the sense of holding yourself and just kind of coming closer to yourself.

I feel like humanity, we should be like closer, and we should be talking about the things that really afflict us or are bothering us.

And, and, I've also learned that when you do talk about those things, you suddenly feel better.

Suddenly, like feel so much more calm.

You feel seen.

You feel recognized.

And you have a connection with someone in a way that you didn't before.

And I think that is where the healing really comes from.

[Music] >>:CARA ROMERO: I'm gonna be in the photo and they are going to be pressing the button and they're going to help us.

HEATHER AHTONE: There's a lot of surgical work in curating.

One has to come up with an idea that's cohesive enough to explore, to build.

You cast a framework and hope that that is going to be strong enough to hold an exhibition together.

For me those kinds of critical skills, that faith in my own vision, my willingness to take risks, were really cultivated and rooted in my experiences at IAIA as a student.

I found out about IAIA during a very difficult time in my life, I was actually - I had dropped out of school at UC Irvine as a science student because my mother was sick, and I had family responsibilities.

And we were homeless for quite a while.

I was looking for an opportunity to go back to school and it took me two years to get my family stabilized.

But when we got stabilized, I started thinking about what I wanted to do, and I ran into Jerry Zollars who was the recruiter and director of admissions at IAIA.

And I didn't know there was a school for Native students, I didn't know that there was an art school for Native students.

And I'd always loved writing and he told me about the creative writing program and when I felt like I was ready to jump back into school, I applied.

IAIA is the result of so many people who have believed that our Native creatives have a value in a world that is driven by capitalism and commercialism.

It's a place where students are brought and encouraged to manifest their very best ideas and to see what they can potentially gain from that and contribute back.

And that kind of environment for me really fostered both my willingness to take risks and my willingness to think that bringing in an indigenous world perspective to museums - which have not historically been very friendly to Native people or Native ideas or even Native knowledge, right?

That that could happen and that that was worth doing and that for all of the difficulties that I have faced, both personally and professionally in the process, that it's worth doing.

And I think the most important thing that I can also say that came out of IAIA, was my faith in believing that that work is needed, and it doesn't just benefit Native people.

Although, every day I remind myself my work is for my community and whether or not the community sees that or feels that I'm thinking of them constantly.

And that capacity to have that sort of accountability back to my community comes out of that rootedness within both my upbringing with my grandparents but also thinking through like the capacity to do that as a student, and to explore that without the risk of failure.

To have the responsibilities that I had, I knew that at no point was I going to give my culture and my perspective over to make someone else feel comfortable.

Our indigenous worldviews are needed in the world broadly and I have taken the positions that I had including the one I've got now with the sole intention that if I can hold space and bring our indigenous world views to an audience though a museum, museums which are absolutely products of colonialism.

And bring and create a space where our cultural people can come and feel affirmed, then whatever sacrifices are needed and whatever is required of me, that's what I'm gonna do DESIGNING PERSONALITY When I first got that word, fashion, I want to be a fashion designer, I had no clue what that meant.

I just knew that I loved sewing I loved making and I loved clothing, and I loved style.

And somehow that came together to be a fashion designer.

Both of my parents are artists.

My mom had a stint as a floral designer and my dad has been a full-time musician since I was a child, so I always had creativity many my household.

My mom, if you asked her how did I get started?

She would be like, "She was digging in the recycling bin finding stuff to put together."

I was just a very curious child.

I started actually knitting, I think I was like 7 or 8 and I was terrible at it.

I was like really impatient.

I can't remember if it was at my grandma's house or an old sewing machine we had, I tried it out and it was fast.

I could like think of something, I could get it done, and I could see a result.

And I loved that compared to knitting.

I was like, this is my thing.

Yeah, I guess that's kind of how I kind of got started.

When I was thinking about what I wanted to create, I was really thinking about like, who am I?

And what stories do I know?

And my neighborhood is where I began, really.

And my neighbors were my family.

And so, when I think of like the different traits I have, or the different values I have, it all kind of like stems back to those people and what they instilled in me.

In terms of what that means in like my clothing, I create things that are very thoughtful and slow.

My textiles are very textured, naturally dyed, upcycled, natural fibers.

My collection is entitled "Neighborhood."

And each look is inspired by a different neighbor.

So, I kind of started thinking about that person and like, what are their needs and what would they want to wear?

So, this is actually inspired by my aunty Lynn.

So this is the cardigan that I knitted on the knitting machine.

All my work is very playful.

So, I wanted to like emulate that in the textures I picked.

So, we've got these little baubles, the little garter ridges and this texture throughout.

I really wanted to have a jean, but I thought it would be fun to do something that was a little bit of a twist.

So, this is a bit of like a balloon-style pant.

It goes out on the sides But of course, it has like the traditional "J" fly front.

And then it's got an elastic back waist, so it can adjust to the wearer.

So, this look is inspired by my neighbor, Mary Jane.

Really, all she wears is jeans or sweatpants and a big sweater.

So, I wanted like an oversized sweater that you could just throw on and feel really cozy and comfortable in.

And all of my looks are meant to be layered and they can all kind of interchange with each other.

So, this is a jump suit that goes on top of it.

It's got elastic on the bottom, so that you don't have to worry about it dragging when you're running around and playing, and a little button back.

So, this look is inspired by my mother, Lisa.

And all the textiles here are upcycled, so this is a tablecloth from my youth.

It also has these adjustable ties on the side, so each item has very durable pockets.

And I wanted this to be able to cinch in, so if you wanted it to have a bit of a tighter look, you can, but it's also easy to take down and be flowy and comfortable.

And then this last look is inspired by my neighbor, Joan, who's a big biker.

And I wanted each piece to be really comfortable to wear and easy to transition from going on her bike to the grocery store to coming home and gardening.

This is the top that goes with it, and it's very casual.

I wanted it to be oversized.

Yeah, it's so interesting.

This is the first garment I started and like I definitely subscribe to like flow fashion, but this is the slowest garment I ever made.

I started in September making this coat.

So it's a waxed ripstop cotton that I dyed using indigo and then overdyed using turmeric, but the wax helps it to be waterproof.

So, today we are having our photo shoot for our collections.

So, everyone is right now getting ready, getting their hair and makeup done.

And soon, we'll be taking photos and we'll all be together.

I'm excited!

I think this is like kind of the first time of it all coming together in a really finalized way.

Clothing to me is meant to be worn and used, but like, it's not something that you just hang up and you think about and forget.

It's something that like is part of your daily life.

And it's something that like inspires you to play and move and like have the life that you want to have.

I want to make clothing that is easy fitting and it feels like it's inviting you to move and play and there's no restrictions.

I understand that like clothing and objects can be so precious and have so many like meaning and memories in them.

And at the same time, like, they're just objects.

You know, it's not about the piece of clothing or the object.

It's about like what it means.

And so, it's kind of a balance.

But I really would like people to feel comfortable, being able to share their clothing and create connection and community through design and clothing.

THE AWARD WINNING ARTS AND CULTURE SERIES: COLORES IS NOW AVAILABE ON THE PBS APP, YOUTUBE, INSTAGRAM, FACEBOOK AND AT NMPBS.ORG FROM CLASSIC EPISODES TO BRAND NEW SHOWS COLORES IS EVERYWHERE WATCH NOW ON YOUR FAVORITE NMPBS PLATFORMS Funding for COLORES was provided in part by: Frederick Hammersley Fund, New Mexico PBS Great Southwestern Arts & Education Endowment Fund, and the Nellita E. Walker Fund for KNME-TV at the Albuquerque Community Foundation... ...New Mexico Arts, a division of the Department of Cultural Affairs, and by the National Endowment for the Arts... and Viewers Like You.