(gentle upbeat music) - Hello, I'm Maarja Hewitt.

Welcome to "Almanac North."

Today we're discussing everyone's favorite emotion, love, from platonic friendships, love for community, to displays of romantic affection.

Today we'll be speaking with husband and wife therapist duo, Dina and Mike Clabaugh, about relationships, struggles and resolutions.

Then a sweet conversation about chocolate and other Valentine's treats with Deb Bolen of the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.

Later in the show, we take a look at the tradition of giving jewelry as gifts in the craft of jewelry making with Nummi Jewelers manager, Katie Nummi Perrault.

Finally, we celebrate the Black, Indigenous and People of Color Business Showcase with founder Kia Ronning.

Well, on the topic of love, dating apps are now among the most popular ways for people to meet.

According to the Wisconsin Better Business Bureau, these apps are also home to a variety of scammers.

Scammers catfish folks looking for love to move stolen money overseas or from their own wallets.

Here is one example.

After matching with a scammer and chatting for a little while, victims will be asked to chat by text or email, rather than through the app.

Then start the seemingly harmless request to move or provide money, which become more significant as trust is built.

Reportedly, a recent victim was scammed over multiple transactions of over $6,000, and another over $20,000.

Here are some tips to protect yourself from romantic scams.

Do your research.

Ask specific questions about details given in a profile.

Never send money or sensitive personal information to someone you've never met.

Cut off contact if someone starts asking you for financial or personally identifiable information.

Be very suspicious of requests to wire money or use a prepaid debit card.

For more information or to report if you've been the victim of a scam, please visit BBB.org/ScamTracker.

Your report can help others to stay alert and avoid similar scams.

Well, to begin tonight's conversation, we are joined by Dina and Mike Clabaugh of Insight Counseling.

Thank you so much for joining us.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Now, in your line of work, you guys do a lot of couples counseling.

Today, what are you seeing in terms of issues coming up in modern relationships?

- Well, I would say I'm seeing a lot of couples when they're at a transition in life, either they've had children, so they've young children at home, or they're sending them off to college, or the next thing.

And even some couples in their 50s and 60s, and sometimes with them, it's like adult children are coming home and saying, "Oh, you're still bickering?

Can you work on your communication?"

So communication, maybe intimacy, there could be an event like an affair or loss, grief or loss.

- Yeah.

- When we're talking about communication issues, are there any tools that you offer that are helpful?

- Well, usually when couples present, they present in what we call parallel monologues, which is, as one person is talking, the other person is thinking about what they're gonna say in response and they're not even listening, so the first thing is to work on couples doing active listening so they actually can hear each other and not be thinking of their response, so trying to create that connection is really important first.

- That makes sense, parallel monologues.

- So we look for a dialogue instead of two train tracks that never cross.

- So Dina, you mentioned that a lot of times you see this in transition.

Is there a misconception that couples counseling, like I sometimes think that you have to be on the brink of separation or that it's almost broken already.

- Absolutely not.

- But it could be more proactive.

- So much more proactive and that's why I love that we're having these conversations because your relationship does not need to be broken, and in fact, if we look at the stage of love and of partnership, you will go through the different stages, much like, I mean, there's so much research on child development and the developmental tasks and a relationship, an adult relationship is a lot like that too.

We have developmental tasks, if you will, and there's been less kind of energy and research around that, but we know that, both Michael and I use a lot of Imago therapy and with that it's there's this romantic stage, this power struggle, and then if you can get through the power struggle, there's this sort of re-enchantment, again, a conscious partnership is what we call it, so it is very normal to be experiencing challenges, and then not to mention all the external things that are happening with raising kids and working and your career and all of it.

- All those things that come up.

- One of the things I would add is that, you know, we live in a pretty unique time, and so far as marriage and relationships has always been intimately tied to tradition, whether it be cultural or religious tradition, and it's only since really the 1960s forward that it's been released from any traditional expectation or grip, as it were, so now it's kind of been set free to find its own logic, as it were.

And so it's really only since the 1990s that we've started to figure out how relationships work when set free on their own to self-explore what that means and that's what's really an opportune time because it really is the case that the person that we partner with is such, is next to maybe our children or hopefully before our children, the most foundational person for us in our lives.

- So of course Valentine's Day is coming up.

How can Valentine's Day impact positively or negatively a relationship?

- Well, going back to culture, I mean, all the messages that we're getting, right, that we should be in love.

I mean, I think just so many of those messages, whether they're positive or even negative, I think the language we use around marriage and partnership, so just acknowledging that, the pressures that are there and what does that, what does love, what does relationship, what does connection mean for you and your partner?

And again, it's that kind of quieting all the external and really communicating again, which is what we do in the office, just mirroring and sharing with one another.

What do you want Valentine's to be for us?

What does it mean?

What has it meant to you in the past?

What are the traditions?

I mean, you can apply it to everything.

What are the traditions that you've experienced through religion, spirituality, or family, growing up and kind of, I guess, making it what you want to make it.

- How can couples prioritize that self-care and looking inward for the relationship all throughout the year, not just on Valentine's Day?

- Well, I would say anytime we enter a relationship, it's two dynamics that are in tension with each other.

One is that we're really seeking deep, intimate connection, and the other is that we're seeking self-determination, so we kind of want both, but we can't easily have both and so there are in tension with each other.

So for every couple journey, Valentine's Day included, and every other day, it's trying to figure out how two people can navigate that quest for connection and self-determination together and it's a dance and it takes continual attention, but it very much can be done.

- And little things, I mean, five, so Gottman's will say, they're couples experts, you know, five positives to every negative.

I mean, just to point out what you're wearing, how we greet one another in part.

I mean, for Michael and I, every day, whoever leaves first, you know, we're driving away and we wave.

I think it's a tradition his family had and even though there's a million things I'm probably wanting to do the second he's leaving the house, I'm very intentional about stopping and waving him goodbye.

I mean, I could just go on and on about all the little, and it is, it's the little things.

It doesn't have to be a big date night and those are fun too, but it is the little ways that we connect throughout the day and to be really intentional like we are with any, like you said, self-care and you know, just kind of taking care of the relationship and the space between you.

- Well, some wonderful advice you've offered up here.

We're so grateful for you coming on the show.

Thank you so much, Mike and Dina.

- Yeah, thank you.

- Thank you.

(gentle upbeat music) - Now we are joined in the Conversation Corner by Deb Bolen, owner of the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.

Deb, thank you so much for joining us.

- Oh, it's great to be here, thank you.

- And this is a very fun topic to talk about, chocolate.

(laughing) - It's my favorite topic.

- So maybe start with telling us a little bit about you and how you got into the chocolate business.

- Sure, well, I've been in retail pretty much all my career and I worked for other companies and learned a lot, and I guess about 25 years ago, my husband, who has a finance background, I have the retail background, decided to look for something.

Well, I have a friend who lives in California, and guess what?

She owned a Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.

And I also live on Park Point so I drive through Canal Park every day and it was just like a marriage made in heaven.

We needed a great location and a great product and I didn't wanna start from scratch.

I wanted a recipe.

So the franchise, Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, provided us with that.

So, we get to do pretty much what we want and what we need to do for us, but we buy quite a bit from their factory that ships some candy to us, but we have a lot of fun making candy.

- Yeah, because you make plenty.

- We make a lot of candy.

- Right there too.

- Yes.

- I know we have some video.

This is just beautiful (laughing) to see.

- This is fudge.

- Oh, that's fudge.

- They're making fudge on our big marble table.

- So is the marble cold or warm?

- It's granite, I should say.

It is a little bit colder, so it does help cool the product.

- So are you guys working on any interesting combinations or experimentations right now for flavors?

- Yes, always.

I mean, we get bored with the best sellers, of course.

So right now, one of the two fudges, there's a red velvet for Valentine's Day, and there's a strawberry cheesecake and they're both selling really well, so we might even keep 'em around for a while.

We experiment a lot and sometimes things are a summer fudge, sometimes things are a winter fudge.

These are Valentine fudges.

- Yeah, you try it out, see how it works, and go from there.

- And they're selling them.

And, if you come into the store, you always get a free sample of whatever fudge we're featuring that day.

That's kind of our way of getting you to stick around.

- Yes, taste before you buy.

Of course, Valentine's Day is right around the corner.

How does demand change or go up during this holiday?

- It's crazy 'cause you go from Christmas, which is wild, and then January, everything kind of goes to sleep, and then boom, it's really like about four or five days, so it'll start this weekend, right, and it'll go right into next Wednesday, which is Valentine's Day.

But you know what it's all about?

Chocolate-dipped strawberries.

- Oh!

- That is the big Valentine item and they're coming in this weekend and they're giant.

They're like tennis balls, some of them, not all of them, but we assort them into heart boxes and half-pound boxes and that's the big ticket.

- I have to say that that is like one of my favorite chocolate treats.

- It is.

So for Valentine's Day, that's probably what we're talking about, and of course heart boxes and, you know, lovely truffles and things like that.

- So how do you prepare for that demand?

- Well, luckily, January's quiet, so, you know, our staff is looking for things to do and so it really kind of works out pretty well.

We'd love January to be busier, but it's good time for them to clean house after Christmas and start making all kinds of product for Valentine's Day and so now this week is all about selling it.

- So why do you think that chocolate and Valentine's Day, so often in our minds, is synonymous?

- Well, I think it goes back to, well, you know, the Aztecs kind of came up with this, whatever.

They believed that it had magical powers.

And then the royal families of Europe just thought that it was, you know, the thing that you were supposed to give your sweetheart along with amber and jewels, but chocolate was always part of the equation and it just has never gone away.

It's still that romantic decadent.

Everybody loves chocolate.

I mean, I don't know anyone that doesn't like it, so, or they don't speak to me about it.

- Right, right.

- So that's it, yeah, and it's just a treat.

It's just a real special kind of experience to take a bite of great chocolate, I think.

- It's been around for a long time.

There's a lot of history behind it.

- It's been around for a long time.

- And going off the history, how do you balance kind of the traditional making of chocolate and fudge?

Are you updating your processes at all?

- That's a great question because we still have, I don't know if you've ever seen it, the huge copper pot that sits on an open gas stove, and they put the ingredients in there for the caramel, for the apples, and for the fudge.

And they, big, they look like, you know, the big broomstick almost of a paddle.

That's what we call it, the fudge paddle.

And so we make it the old fashioned way in the big copper pot and we pour it out on the table like you saw in the video.

But, the best thing in the world happens.

Somebody invented machines, and we call them tempering machines.

They make the chocolate.

They heat it and cool it.

The machines do this for us to the perfect consistency so we can dip things in it, and we can use it to drizzle, and we can use it frost and coat things.

Now that, if you have to do it by hand, is laborious.

I tried it once.

So it's one thing, you know, we have this big granite slab and we have the big copper pot, and that's kind of the old fashioned way, but these, we call them, it's a Hilliard and a ChocoVision, those are the companies.

It's a tempering machine.

So it tempers the chocolate so that it's perfect for anything you wanna dip in it comes out beautiful and shiny and smooth.

- And now we only, we have 10 seconds left here, quickly, what is your favorite chocolate?

What's your favorite treat that you make?

- Oh, gee.

We make a carameled apple that we dip in chopped up English toffee and I just love it.

And I love the dipped strawberries.

And I love, I could go on and on.

- Yeah, we could keep talking about this for an hour, but thank you so much for joining us and I hope you have a very happy Valentine's Day.

- Ah, I'm sure we will, and you too.

- Thank you.

- All right, thanks.

- Up next, local jewelry store, Nummi Jewelers, shares how the gift of jewelry has become synonymous with Valentine's Day.

They also share about the craft of making jewelry.

- Hi, I am Katie Nummi Perrault and I'm the manager at Nummi Jewelers.

(gentle upbeat music) Romance is something that is really hard to quantify and it's really hard to tell somebody how much you appreciate them and giving them a gift of jewelry on Valentine's Day shows that you know what they need, but you also know what they want.

It shows like a deeper understanding of that person and it's something that they can use or wear almost every day in a way that makes them just feel very special.

Jewelry's really, really great because it helps you express your feelings without having to say anything.

We enjoy making custom pieces all the time for our customers.

We try to have a few custom pieces in stock at all time.

We make sure at Nummi Jewelers that we have jewelry for every stage in your relationship, whether it's Valentine's Day that you wanna celebrate and you wanna come with a bunch of girlfriends and get permanent bracelets, or it's your 50th anniversary and you wanna make sure that she has that amazing necklace that she's always wanted, or the tennis bracelet, or the big diamond earrings, the staple pieces that she's just ready for to be a heirloom to pass down for generation and generation.

We love repairing your jewelry.

We love making sure that you can wear that piece in your lifetime and your granddaughter's or your daughter's.

We wanna make sure that we're selling pieces that can be repaired and that we can do it in-house.

It is an art and a science.

It's kind of one of those fun combinations.

You have to know what temperature metals melt at and how gold works differently than platinum and silver.

And then on top of that, you have to come with the other side of your brain and be able to sketch and draw up different things, and then you have to have the patience to be able to set a diamond.

We love when customers come in with inspiration.

Just the other day, I had a customer bring in all of the jewelry in her jewelry box that she didn't know who everything was from.

Some was like from mom's jewelry box that might have had aunts or her great-grandma's stuff.

Some of the diamonds were so old, they had to have been great-grandma's and we can tell that by the cut.

And then with the stuff that she brought in, and then she had some inspiration picks, we designed a really cool ring for her.

It's really hard to pick our favorite pieces because we've done so many and it's a reflection of the customer, not a reflection of us.

The quality is a reflection of us.

The quality that Nummi Jewelers has will always be in our custom jewelry, but the design of the piece has to reflect the person wearing it and has to reflect their lifestyle and it has to reflect their love for either color or possibly no color.

My favorite ring that we did as an engagement ring, the customer brought in a picture, knew exactly what he wanted and we executed it and it's just a beautiful three-stone, just stunning engagement ring.

(gentle upbeat music) - With jewelry and candy aside, February is not just the month of love, but it is also Black History Month.

For the past four years, the Black, Indigenous Person of Color, or BIPOC Business Showcase, has taken place at the St. Louis County Depot.

We are now joined by Kia Ronning, the founder of the BIPOC Business Showcase.

Welcome, Kia, thank you so much for being here.

- Thank you so much for having me.

- So as the founder of the Business Showcase, what inspired you to develop this event?

- It kind of started at my old job.

My boss was like, "Hey, Black History Month, I want you to do something for it."

I said, "Bet."

And so I was just driving one day and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, like I need to do like an event that showcases businesses."

I had a small Black business and I'm like, "Where's everyone else?

There has to be more."

So like, I made it my mission to like find other businesses in the Northland and that's kind of how it started.

Our first year we had like 10 vendors.

- [Maarja] And how many do you have this year?

- 35 plus.

- So huge growth.

- Yes.

- How much has it evolved over the years?

- It's evolved a lot.

Our first year we were in the Washington Center Gym with our 10 vendors and lots of space in between our tables.

The second year we also were in the Washington Center Gym with no space between our tables.

We're like, "We need a new venue."

We reached out and The Depot said, "Yeah, we'd love to give you the space to use."

So last year we were also pretty packed in The Depot and this year we have about two feet between each table, so.

- [Maarja] That's a good problem.

- It's a great problem and I'm so thankful to have that problem.

- So what can people expect when they visit The Depot for the BIPOC Business Showcase?

- So they can expect lots of things.

We're gonna have a welcome table, and at that welcome table, the first 100 guests will get a free reusable shopping bag that has our logo on it.

They'll be greeted by some of our sponsors will be there as well.

And they'll walk into the Great Hall and there's gonna be vendors who are having, are selling clothes, who are selling soaps and just so many different items, like we have so many things.

We have people who are gonna be doing live art there, like with Sylvia Ho Art.

There's gonna be so many things.

We have a 360 degree photo booth.

We're gonna have food from Howard's Que and Pure Waffles.

Clothing from people like Bag Legends that I'm wearing today.

We're gonna have FSE Designs, just a lot of different really great vendors this year.

- So food, shopping, did I see like a fashion show?

- Yes, a fashion show.

The youth from Family Freedom Center are gonna be coming down and they're gonna be doing a fashion show for us, some with clothes that they have made and they'll also be modeling some clothes from our vendors as well.

And then they're also be selling some baked goods that they made so it's just gonna be really great to just involve the kids in the event as well.

- So you can eat, you can shop, take in a fashion show.

How did you go about finding these businesses?

- A lot of it was on Facebook and then just word of mouth.

Kind of like once you found one, you're like, "Okay, do you know anyone?"

And so it just kind of created like this chain effect of you know someone who knows someone is kind of how it started.

- What's the significance of holding the BIPOC Business Showcase during Black History Month, February?

- I would say the significance is, a lot of times I feel like we focus on the past and the pain of Black history and this is something that is really meant to bring joy to the community because we are creating Black history right now and we want to add some joy to that, so that is definitely what this event brings to the community.

- What are you looking forward to as you look to the future of this event?

Any goals?

- Our goal is to find a bigger space that can fit the growth that keeps happening every year.

I've actually received several emails towards the end of this week where we had to turn vendors away.

They're like, "Hey, I wanna be," and I'm like, "I'm sorry, we're so packed this year."

So definitely a bigger space, more growth and, 'cause we just wanna be able to fit everything in there that we have to offer.

- What do you hope people who come to the showcase, you know, hopefully they have bags full of things, but what do you hope they leave with other than that?

- I hope they leave with joy, a sense of community, and I hope also that our vendors leave with a sense of belonging 'cause I feel like that is really important to me and to our community because so many times they're like, "You take up too much space, go here, go there."

And it's like, to us taking up space right here is perfectly okay and we belong here and so that's really important.

- Sounds like such a great event and we have just a few seconds left here.

We wanna know when and where and how people can check it out.

- Yes, so please come check it out on Saturday, February 10th, from one to five at The Depot.

If you want more information, visit us on Facebook at the Northland BIPOC Business Showcase.

- Wonderful, thank you so much, Kia, for being here.

- Thank you so much.

- Well, let's take a look at what you might be getting up to this weekend.

This Saturday, the Fourth Annual Downtown Arts Market is happening at the Ely Senior Center.

Join local makers and artists as they share their crafts and creations.

Or celebrate the work and creativity of independent filmmakers from the Arrowhead region and around the world at the Ely Film Festival at Ely Historic State Theater.

The festival will feature local, regional, and national filmmakers who will present works that explore themes of identity, community, connection to place, adventure and creativity.

It's a busy week at Sacred Heart Music Center with live jazz on Saturday with Jennifer Grimm and Leslie Vincent, followed by Superior Siren on Valentine's Day with opening guest, Embalming Eva.

And you can head to PBSNorth.org to see a web-exclusive interview with the band right after the show.

And if love isn't your thing, we've got the best anti-Valentine's Day for you.

The Humane Society of Douglas County will write the name of your unspecial person, place, or thing on a heart that will then be placed in one of the shelter's litter boxes.

Learn more at LoveStinks.GiveSmart.com.

I'm Maarja Hewitt.

Thank you for joining us on "Almanac North."

I'll see you next time.

Good night.

(gentle upbeat music) (gentle music)