♪ ♪ > We're here today on a bright, clear, sunny day at Soda City in Columbia.

But our personal and romantic relationships are not always that way.

On today's episode of " Safe Space " we'll be seeking out healthy relationships and how setting boundaries for yourself can prevent hurtful situations.

We're going to give you helpful advice and resources to help you navigate a healthier healing experience.

♪ ♪ We're here for man on the streets at Soda City.

Dylan and Liam, you guys are so cute.

What makes a relationship healthy?

I just wanna know, what's the secret?

Dylan> I think that... someone who respects your boundaries when you set them and who understands, kind of, like, has emotional intelligence and can understand what you're feeling.

Brittney> Ooh, I like it.

So green flag, emotional intelligence.

Y'all hear that?

What about you, Liam?

Liam> I think she's really good at balancing like, friends, hanging out with me.

Just like priorities in general.

She's like, smart and caring.

Brittney> Aw!

Okay, both of y'all get the... I love it.

So word of advice for people that are wanting to be in a relationship, what should they look for?

What's a green flag?

Dylan> I think... I think, just somebody who can... I guess just like what I was saying, like, understands like, how you're feeling and understands like, some days aren't the same as others.

Like, if you are having a rough day, will understand that.

Brittney> Yeah.

Make it easier for you.

Dylan> Exactly.

And be your friend too.

Liam> Someone that's always there for you like, care for you and just looking out for you in general.

Brittney> So, okay, we have the green flag... red flag?

What's something that we don't want?

Dylan> Yeah, I would say, if there's somebody who... doesn't respect you or doesn't respect some things that like, maybe you require in a relationship, <Okay> that maybe that's a red flag that you should stay away from.

<There you go> Understand where, you know, if some signs show up that that's not something that you want, <Correct> in a relationship, then you should <Correct> know that and know that that's gonna carry on.

Brittney> Are y'all listening?

Good advice.

Good advice.

Anything else you guys want to add?

<I think that's it> Is she your safe space?

Liam> Yes, I would say so.

Dylan> He's mine too.

Brittney> So maybe you're watching this and thinking, "Wait, is my relationship actually healthy?"

Or maybe you're worried about a friend and you're not really sure what to do.

Whatever the situation is, you don't have to deal with it by yourself.

There are people who can listen, answer your questions and help you figure out what the next step could be.

In this segment, we'll take a look at a few places you can go for help, support, or just someone to talk to when you need it most.

And remember, asking for help doesn't mean you're overreacting.

It means you're taking care of yourself.

♪ > The Hive really came about as a need in the community, where we identified there was a need for more culturally responsive services.

So we are a statewide organization that provides peer support services to individuals 11 and older who have been impacted by sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and stalking.

> Visions of Women is a nonprofit organization that's here in South Carolina.

We serve Richland County, and we are all about helping our teens and college students learn about healthy relationships through education, support, and leadership.

> SCCADVASA is a coalition of 22 organizations that provide direct services to victims and survivors of domestic and sexual violence in communities across South Carolina.

What we do is we provide technical assistance, training, we work on public policy advocacy, we have statewide prevention projects, and then we also have a legal program that provides civil legal support to victims.

> I started Visions of Women, really stemmed down from being in an unhealthy relationship myself.

I didn't know what domestic violence was.

As I continue to learn about what violence looks like in communities and learning about domestic violence and volunteering at domestic violence shelters, I realized like, hey, okay, I'm not in a good relationship.

And then it wasn't just me, it was my friends around me.

And so my why, even just starting Visions of Women?

I want them to know that help is here.

You do not have to be in an unhealthy relationship alone.

There is help > Bloom, which is our healing circle.

That is a peer support group that allows participants to be able to understand, gain knowledge on what is sexual assault, what is teen dating violence, and what is stalking, and how is that showing up in my life?

Because sometimes we experience things, but we don't have the words for it, and we don't know how to articulate what it is that we're feeling inside.

And so the bloom is a great way for teens to be able to gain that knowledge, for them to have community.

> V.O.W.

Girls League is an all girls program where we have our middle and high school age students come together to talk about healthy relationships, as well as how to set healthy boundaries if they are in relationships.

And those relationships can be with friends.

And we just talk about what that dynamic looks like, and we're making sure that it's healthy.

> Our Casita of Care, that is, it's known as our little house of care.

And we provide, hygiene products, full size, as well as household items.

And we also have in there, wellness space items.

So we have crochet kits, we have yoga bands.

Our services are all available in both English and Spanish.

So we do have a bilingual outreach advocate who's able to provide all of the services inclusive to even our peer support group, in Spanish as well.

Teens, oftentimes first, they feel confused.

They feel unheard.

They don't feel that their parents understand them.

And so as a result of that, they tend to shut down and they feel that their parents are oftentimes very judgmental because when they want to come to them or talk to them about things, they already, as soon as they hear the word, you know, "dating," "love," they are ready to shut it down.

And so, oftentimes, I think the misconception is that just because they're teenagers, that their feelings aren't valid.

And as adults, we have to understand that even though their brain is still maturing, even though they're still maturing and learning about love and learning about relationships, it doesn't take away from the feelings that they may have about someone.

Sara> If you're a victim of a sexual assault, then you may want to consider going and getting a sexual assault exam done.

You can go to the hospital and have a SANE exam, which is an exam carried out by a sexual assault nurse examiner or emergency physician.

> South Carolina ranks sixth in the nation for women being killed by men.

We have ranked in the top ten for the last 20 of the 25 years.

Sara> We're one of very few states in the country left that no longer covers dating violence under it's intimate partner violence or domestic violence laws.

We've tried several times to get that passed over the past few sessions of the legislature, but so far have not been successful in either civil legal issues or criminal legal issues.

The latest statistics we have from SLED are for 2024, and during that year, there were 2,094 sexual assaults reported to SLED.

The 88% of those, the victims were women.

And the highest age demographic represented in that statistic is for those aged 11 to 17.

We're answering 30,000 hotline calls a year for domestic violence and sexual assault.

So this is an ongoing problem, and I don't think we'll see much variation in those statistics year-to-year.

> These are conversations that we need to begin having when children are in elementary school.

Teen dating violence prevention should be a curriculum that begins in elementary, that should be universal in all schools, and particularly here in South Carolina.

We have to talk about it, we have to make space, we have to create safe spaces to have these conversations.

Oftentimes, there's such a reluctance to have conversations around dating because our minds as adults may automatically go to sex.

And that's a conversation that most adults are not ready to have.

And we know that there are some restrictions sometimes with our schools, but our curriculum here at The Hive is more so about consent and healthy relationships, because we want young people to understand what does a no mean, what does a yes mean, and understanding that at any point in time I can change my mind.

Continue to be open, choose to learn more, and be an active learner.

Brittney> John, I need to know, what is a healthy relationship to you?

What does that look like?

John> First of all, happiness.

Happiness is health.

Looking after each other.

Genuinely enjoy being around each other.

If you don't like being around somebody, you know, nobody should be coming home like, "Ugh, this person, ugh.

I gotta eat with you, ugh.

I gotta go to bed with you."

If you got that kind of thing going on, that's not healthy.

So for me, you know, a healthy relationship is just genuinely being happy being around each other, wanting to be together.

Brittney> What is a red flag?

We're talking about the good things, the boundaries, the necessary things.

What's a red flag?

Like, not happening.

> In a romantic relationship or like any relationship?

Brittney> Both.

Professional, romantic.

> I think somebody who's, like, we were kinda talking before, somebody who's controlling, who like, is telling you can or can't do something.

That really rubs me the wrong way personally, because it's my life, I'm gonna do what I wanna do.

Brittney> There you go.

[snapping] > Yeah, I definitely agree with that.

And I also just feel like, I don't know, when there's kind of like a lack of communication, it can also cause some problems too.

So I think it's important to have, like, a healthy amount of communication where it's like not over the top, but it's definitely, you know, you know what each other's doing, like, most of the time.

And then I also just think like, lying is also just not something that is good in any relationship.

Brittney> Okay, I'm hearing some good things here.

So last question.

Your safe space, is that a person, place, thing?

What's your go to?

> I have a long distance boyfriend he's definitely my safe space, but when I'm here and not with him, I think I have created a really great community of friends.

So they're now my safe space.

Brittney> Despite what you've seen, fairy tales aren't only found on the big screen or television.

Nonprofit founder Brittney Holman's desire to bring her enrichment organization, Happily Ever After, to Norway, South Carolina has been years in the making.

The Happily Ever After Community Resource Fair showcased an outpouring of support with complimentary food vendors, clothing drives, job resources, live music, and much more.

This "fairy tale function" reminded teens and adults that much needed emotional, educational, and physical support, living their best life can be quite possibly a very happy ending.

Holman> The ground is saturated, oh God.

what generosity, oh God.

When people know God that they are not by themselves.

Father, we thank you, oh God, for the children, oh God.

That feel the safety of this space.

Father, in the name of Jesus.

Father, we thank you for the parents, oh God, that are bringing their children to let them know that there is a village God, that there is a village that loves, that there is a village cares good God.

If I was in that predicament, who would help me?

And when I was in that predicament, who helped me?

And often times, I had no one.

So I'm, not because I'm superwoman, but I do it in God's strength.

And that's what gives me the strength to go forth.

So the [indistinct] is that I wanted to give back to my home.

Last year I started with just ten vendors and two of my friends and I called them and we planned it in two months.

Just when I told them, I said, "I have a heart to just give back to the community in Norway."

And I said, "I need help."

So my reason for it is just because I want to give hope, install hope back in an area that feels overlooked, an area that feels unheard of.

Often time, they make a joke that says, "Norway is No-way."

But this is "So-way" and it is just the beginning.

And all we have to do is install somebody who sees just a little bit in them, and they know that now they can call Brittney if they need some type of resource.

Whether that's high school diploma, whether that's going back to school for nursing.

or whether that's "Ms.

Brittney I'm in a bad relationship."

There's not a lot of resources here, so sometimes bringing extra resources and a little bit of love, compassion.

I tell them, "Do all that you do with love and compassion, but most certainly in the spirit of excellence."

So I definitely wanted to show them that they are heard of and that they are loved.

♪ Laverne> This event is very important to me, because nowadays we have to be very much mindful of our youth.

We have to stay active in their lives and make sure we're there for them, because we can prevent a lot by being there for the youth.

So I'm always excited to attend and be a part of events like this.

When I was three years old, my mom... passed due to gun violence.

She and my first aunt was very close, and my aunt was in kind of like, a very abusive relationship that my mom was always near around all the time.

So an incident happened where my aunt's partner got very much physical with my aunt and it ended tragically with him killing everyone, including my mom.

And she was holding me at the time.

Ever since then, that situation has inspired me, because if you have a partner that's going through that where they want to be domestic or anything like that with you, you never need to stay in those situations, those toxic situations.

You always need to seek help it's no matter what it is you can receive some type of help.

Because looking at my situation, there was things that could have been done different and things that could have been done.

Holman> When I was younger, I was taken advantage of by my grandfather, but then that just made me learn to value myself the more, because as a young lady, I know this may be not heard of on TV sometimes, but most of the times young girls don't understand where that touch or that feeling or the urge comes from.

But to be able to stand strong, knowing who you are and whose you are is a strength alone by itself.

I'm ready to take it beyond just the streets.

I want to go back in the school houses and mentor these young girls in areas that I may have experienced through life, or areas that I've seen affect other friends and things that I've experienced through my friendships to bring back to this community.

So in the future, I do look forward to growing bigger where we're giving out, not only just things for the house, but what about the houses that we can actually have rehabbed and giving back?

What about education on how to start entrepreneurships, entrepreneur goals?

But the other goal that I really have is to really see resource centers brought out throughout Orangeburg County.

And I really want to just be able to take youth who've never seen where they're from, to actually Walt Disney.

Often times when you're raised in a rural community, you're taught to raise it, push it under the family's rug and keep your mouth closed.

But, as I do at work, I tell them "Your voice matters and you're needed, you're wanted."

So I'm ready to build the esteem in the community back.

♪ Brittney> So, Nancy, Jeremy, I need to know... what is the secret to a healthy relationship.

Tell me.

Nancy> I'll let you start.

Jeremy> It's a very broad spectrum answer, but I think kind of the main thing I say I would focus on is, you know, being the person's support, you know.

What people need through life is gonna vary, so sometimes somebody needs more support with just hugs.

Brittney> So tell me, what's a red flag in a relationship?

Nancy> So I think for me especially, before getting into this relationship, you know, I think especially as women, we don't do a good enough job among other women like, really encouraging each other to listen to our sixth sense, right?

So we talk about, like finding a person initially.

Like if you're finding that it doesn't feel like a safe space for you to really be yourself or you struggle to speak truth, and you sometimes realize you're only speaking in half truths, or you're having to hide things, or you're having to maybe potentially be what you think this other person needs.

Then I think as women, we really need to sit back and we need to rethink like, is this person actually loving me in the way that I need them?

Am I allowing them to love me in the way that I need them?

And if I'm not, I need to look into myself and I need to look at why.

And I think especially as women, the longer we're in that those red flags pop up more and we can actually say, "This is why I wasn't willing to fully trust my authentic self to come forward.

He's shown me this, he's shown me that."

And then I think as women, what are we doing to support our friends when we see those certain situations?

And what are we doing to say, like, "It's okay for you to live in that space, and what are your next steps gonna be?"

Brittney> What's a red flag for you?

Like, no bueno, this is not moving forward.

What's one of the things that you pay attention to and go, "Oh no."

> I think, piggybacking off Brooke, being dishonest and lying.

And then if you catch them in it, it's just not the best feeling in the world.

So I think just staying away from that.

Brittney> Okay.

Very good.

> I also think, like, selfishness is a big no for me.

Like, when you do like, a lot for someone else and then it's just never really reciprocated.

Brittney> Reciprocity, I'm hearing from Brooke, okay, okay.

So let's take a break from that.

Tell me what a healthy relationship looks like.

Maybe some of your friends have healthy relationships.

What do you envision for yourself?

> I just want them to be my best friend and my biggest cheerleader.

So you know, whatever I'm doing, I'd hope that they cheer me on and I'll do the same for them.

So just someone, like Brooke said, who's just reciprocating what you're giving to them.

<Okay> > Yeah, I fully agree.

I also think open communication is really important, being able to like, express your feelings.

What's making you happy, what's making you upset, and like, when you like, express that it's never like a negative repercussion for that.

Brittney> Ladies, I'm loving all of this.

This is so good, I wish I had this when I was in college.

Last question.

So you're safe space, is your safe space a person?

Is it a place?

What does that look like, feel like to you?

> It's my friends and my family who I know when I come to them, they're not gonna judge me no matter what I'm feeling.

If I'm sad over something like, I know they're gonna be there and they're going to hug me and talk me through it.

So it's just the people that I feel safe enough with to just be myself.

Brittney> When it comes to youth empowerment, Young Brothers Academy has honored the promise for ten years to empower, educate, and expose young men to mentorship, wellness programing, and long term educational opportunities that enhance their future goals.

Former Assistant Principal and YBA founder, Justus Cox, has made it his life's work to show up as a vessel for hundreds of young men through community service, workshops and monthly sessions that remind young men of their limitless potential.

We traveled to Greenville, South Carolina, to learn firsthand how the Young Brother's Academy team tackled the topic of how communicating your boundaries and showing empathy can prove that true love heals.

♪ ♪ Kenji> You're not a boss of someone, you're a friend.

And I want to be someone that you can come and you can talk to.

Ayden> The lesson I would say I took away from boundaries is it's okay to have them in life.

You don't have to be afraid to let people know your boundaries.

You got to be real strong and assertive about them boundaries because if you're not, people gonna take advantage of you.

Anthony> There are times when men can be abused and it's not always physical abuse.

♪ > My name is Justus Cox and I am the Executive Director of Young Brothers Academy.

Young Brothers Academy exists for our future.

I heard a quote that said, "Be who you needed when you was younger."

And for me, I needed that big brother, I need that father figure, that role model, somebody to lean on, somebody to talk to.

And so while I was waiting for my next in 2018 with a group of other gentlemen, we decided to give back, and to be who we truly needed when we was younger.

♪ What have, in your experiences, and relationships in your life, what would a program like this, what would they have helped you to do?

Rev.

Dogan> Not only learn from my peers and those who I'm trying to figure things out with, to actually look above me.

Jamal> I see me being the man I've always wanted to be, the man I always wish I had in my life.

Anthony> Don't let anybody demean you.

It's emotional abuse, there's financial abuse, physical abuse, just the way that people treat you, how they talk to you.

Bryant> Being able to look above and see those examples while also being challenged to look further.

I think that would've given me and my peers a lot more hope for not only what we could be in the future, but how important and powerful we are today.

Ayden> I used to hate like, talking at all, but I feel like YBA taught me to get out my circle and talk a lot more, like, now I can just go anywhere, take over a room because now, I just love to talk, like, it's my favorite thing to do.

Like, I don't want to shy away from it like, I'll do this all day if I had the option to do it.

Justus> You hear things like you said, like love hurts.

And actually, love heals, heals that hurt.

You know, a lot of us, especially in the African American community, experience things that are very traumatic that we cannot speak of.

We don't have those safe places, as these young men do to talk about, you know, things that we've been through in the house, and even outside with various relationships.

And so it's important to learn healthy boundaries.

People to stay away from, situations not to put yourself in, so we can make great decisions and truly be there for our community, truly be there for our families.

It's in those little decisions that we make every day.

Anthony> It's different to be black in this world.

It's different to be a young black man.

And I think, you know, my parents, they call them they're that boomer generation and so for them it was, "I got to raise you to survive in this world.

I got to raise you so that if something ever happened to me that you would be okay."

And that's true, that remains true today.

But in some of those ways, I felt like communication wasn't always an option for me in that sense.

I want to be able to have that structure, but I also want to be able to allow children to communicate to be open and express themselves.

♪ Rev.

Dogan> When you start to go down that road with someone and you all are going down that road together, you all can experience life together.

You can experience emotions together.

Justus> My baby, my wife allows me to be vulnerable, you know, allows me to be weak.

But also supports me in everything that I do and vice versa for her.

So she truly is my safe space.

Anthony> It's the team versus whatever problem may pop up.

Your spouse, your partner is not your opponent.

Ayden> Learning that made me real strong about my boundaries and I'm not gonna shy away from it from now on.

Brittney> Thanks so much for tuning in for today's episode of " Safe Space."

If you'd like to learn more about all the work we're doing in the community, visit us on Facebook, Instagram, or X. We'll see you soon!

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