- My name is Matthew Barnes.

About four years ago, my brother Nathan passed away.

He died fighting in Iraq.

I was living in Nicaragua, but I didn't return home for his funeral or any of that, and so, the goal that, that I have for the Generations Project is to be able to have a memorial service for him.

I said, like, you know, I’m lacking closure, and, and to be able to, you know, learn more about my ancestors who have fought in wars or who have had family members die in wars, and to be able to, you know, see how they mourned, I think will help me to, uh, find that closure.

My name is Matthew Barnes, and this is my Generations Project.

♪♪ [airplane engine roaring] [indistinct PA announcement] Man 1: [over radio] Let the word go forth from this time and place, that the torch has been passed to a new generation.

Woman 1: I really never thought that finding out about your ancestry could change you the way it's changed me.

♪♪ Matthew: About four years ago, um, in 2007, I was living in Nicaragua.

I was serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I’d been out, like, eight months, maybe, and my brother passed away.

- A Utah soldier killed in Iraq was laid to rest today.

- Sergeant Nathan Barnes of American Fork was killed in combat on July 17.

Sam Penrod reports hundreds turned out to remember him.

Man 2: U.S. flags line the streets to the... Woman 2: Matthew's three years younger than Nathan, but he looked up to Nathan and just wanted to do what Nathan did all the time.

Those two got along really well.

Matthew: When he died, it was almost surreal.

For a while, I just wanted to be home.

I had spent most of my time just thinking about, you know, what was going on at home, but I decided to stay on my mission, so I didn't return home for his funeral or any of that, and so, I feel like I kinda have a gap there with that part of the grieving process.

Donna: We really never thought that we'd bring Matthew home to the funeral, and I don't know how I feel about that now.

I don't know how you really understand the ramifications of it when you weren't there, and you weren't there for the healing time that year, first year afterwards.

- You know, my family talks about him fairly often, and people will talk to me about it, and I’ll just try and kind of end the conversation in a nice way, but, you know, end it more quickly, and not really expand more.

Hard thing for me to do, because I miss him.

The goal that, that I have for the Generations Project is to be able to have a memorial service for Nathan.

It's kind of something that I don't wanna do, but I feel that it, it could help me to be more open, you know, talking with my parents, with my family about it, maybe sharing some of my feelings and reactions to his death that I’d never shared with them before.

Donna: We would really like for Matthew to, uh, be able to express his feelings about this, be able to be at peace with what happened, and be able to move on with his life.

Matthew: I’m sure that I have ancestors that have lost a lot more than me, that maybe they've lost, you know, three or four brothers or sisters, or mother or father, and so, seeing their strengths and, and the way they cope with it I think will help me to, um, better cope and overcome the death of my brother.

♪♪ I think that as we learn more about my ancestors, it will-- there will definitely be other ancestors who have fought in wars, you know, all throughout history.

I'm hoping to be able to meet today with Ami, my cousin, who's done a lot of family history, and in order to learn more about, you know, some ancestors that have fought in wars.

- One thing I found that's really interesting is, um, this particular family line.

Here's our grandfather.

Matthew: Uh-huh.

Ami: And if you follow his line back, um, this William Monroe actually fought in the Revolutionary War.

We have several ancestors who were in various wars in the military over the years.

But this one is really interesting because he was, uh, with George Washington at the time of Valley Forge.

William's uncle, Josiah, um, was also in Valley Forge with William during that same time.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah.

So yeah, Josiah and, and William would have been in the same unit, and they would have had a lot of contact every day with each other.

- That's pretty crazy that, you know, imagining that you could be in the same unit as your uncle.

I bet that doesn't happen too often.

- No, I’m sure it doesn't.

Matthew: I think that learning about my ancestors in Valley Forge, um, will help me with Nathan, because they fought in the war.

They fought for something they really believed in, and I know that Nathan joined the army also because of what he believed in.

And so, I think that that, you know, it, it makes a connection there that helps me understand Nathan a little bit better.

I'm really excited to go see Valley Forge.

I'd really like to learn about their situation.

Just knowing all of those details, you know, it really can help paint a picture and understand the sacrifices they were going through for the freedom of the country.

♪♪ Use the computer below to see whether one of your ancestors served at Valley Forge.

♪♪ By learning about William and Josiah and the things they went through, I can see and understand it a little more and, and see and understand what my brother went through a little more to maybe help with my grieving process.

♪♪ Learned a lot of new things in there, uh, the two biggest things are that William was in the hospital for a while and-- William Monroe, and he is, uh, the nephew of Josiah, and Josiah actually died there.

Um, got sick at Valley Forge, and that's where he passed away.

♪♪ William, you know, it must have been really hard for him.

He lost his father in 1777, and just over a year later, lost his uncle in 1778.

Um, I bet it was really hard for him to continue serving and, and, you know, continuing as a soldier.

I'd like to learn more about them and maybe about, you know, the reasons for Valley Forge, why they were here, why they stayed all winter long in such bad conditions.

So, did they actually fight here at Valley Forge?

Man 1: As it turns out, there is no battle here at Valley Forge, but I always think it's important to remember how easy it is for us to say that now.

- Yeah.

- These soldiers lived every day here with the chance that the British would march out from Philadelphia and hit this camp.

Choosing Valley Forge meets their strategic needs.

It's the right distance from the enemy.

You're relatively safe from a surprise attack.

They certainly face a lot of challenges while they're here, the weather being part of that, problems with supplies, sickness and disease is a real killer.

Matthew: William, uh, lost his father and then, then his uncle a year later basically, and so, you can lose your motivation and everything like that really easily when you lose a family member, so, how would, for example, how would William, you know, keep fighting?

He lost his father and then lost his uncle here, so... George: Some soldiers just felt so strongly about that idea of independence, that the time had come for the country to be independent, and that idea of liberty, and they feel strong enough that they're gonna see that through despite these losses.

♪♪ Matthew: Well, this has been really interesting, and I, I’m really excited to learn more.

I hope that I can, you know, maybe walk in their shoes and see a little bit more of what they did in that time.

George: The first command is to half-cock firelock.

Handle, cartridge.

♪♪ Charge with cartridge.

Draw rammer.

Ram down cartridge.

Shoulder firelock.

Take aim.

Fire!

♪♪ ♪♪ Matthew: William, just imagining what, what he went through, I have quite a bit in common with him.

He lost an uncle, he lost his father, um, I lost my brother, and he, he, I’m sure, after the war, had to return to his family, and I, after my mission, had to return to my family.

And I’m sure that, you know, he kind of went through some of the same feelings and thoughts that I’ve gone through.

♪♪ So, I’ve come a long way from where I started, but I still think that there is more that I need to do, more I need to learn in order to find this closure for my brother's death.

My cousin sent me a pedigree chart of my family.

This guy's name is William Padgett, and he, uh, was part of the Civil War, but he was fought for the Confederates, and he ended up being shot and killed at the Battle of Fredericksburg in Virginia, and there is also Julia Padgett.

So, Julia was William Padgett's sister.

William is actually four years older than Julia, which is exactly the same as my brother.

Um, he's four years older than me.

I think that by going to Fredericksburg, it could help me attain my goal of having a memorial for my brother by learning about William Padgett's sister and seeing the way that she grieved or mourned for his death.

♪♪ Man 4: We're now here at the Fredericksburg Confederate Cemetery.

When a Confederate soldier died on the battlefield or near the battlefield like your ancestor did, they were typically, uh, just buried very close to where they died, because that was the practical thing to do.

They didn't have time to move them long distances.

Matthew: Do you know if William Padgett was buried in here?

- Well, we probably will never know for sure, but the odds are pretty good that he's buried here.

Of the 3,300 Confederate soldiers buried here, about two-thirds are unknown soldiers.

- Oh, wow.

- Those unknown soldiers are today buried, for the most part, underneath that large Confederate monuments there.

So that's a, a mass grave underneath the monument.

But the odds are pretty good, uh, that, uh, William Padgett is buried somewhere underneath that monument with many, many of his comrades.

Matthew: So, William had a sister, and, you know, if they don't know if William was buried here, or if they do know he was buried here, would she have been able to come and visit his gravesite?

- Well, she could have, but it would have been an expensive and somewhat lengthy trip.

She lived down in, uh, North Carolina, so, while some family members did make trips to the cemeteries following the war, uh, it wasn't commonly done.

Again, the South was very hard up for money in the years following the war, and in Julia's case, of course, she didn't know he was here, and there certainly was no, uh, headstone with his name on it, so the odds are pretty good that she never made it here, uh, to, to try to find his grave.

♪♪ Matthew: So, today, I learned a lot about William Padgett and his sister, Julia Padgett, and Julia and I have a lot in common.

You know, she lost her brother that was four years older than her.

He died about the same age as my brother.

Most likely, she was not there for his funeral.

I was not there for my brother's funeral.

And so, we kind of share the same grieving process.

Being here and making that connection and, and kind of getting a feel for what it was like for her has really brought me to realize that, you know, there are, there are other people out there that have been in this same situation.

I would definitely like to learn more about people in that general time period, you know, when a member of their family would pass away, I wonder what they did exactly to, you know, help overcome the passing of the family member.

♪♪ Man 5: Go ahead.

Matthew: Thank you.

Daniel: And in here, there's just so many wonderful examples, uh, dealing with mourning art or with grief from all over the, you know, different aspects or different places, you know, in the country.

Over here, you see for example something called an elegy.

An elegy was, it could be a lament, but at the same token, it could be a tribute to the deceased.

In New England in the 18th century, people published in the newspapers at times these elegies, these, uh, tributes to the deceased.

But generally, they weren't even given time in the funeral itself.

They were published in the paper after the funeral, sometimes a year later.

Matthew: Oh, really?

- Just to remind people, hey, you know, my brother passed away, and this was just a way of honoring that person.

And so, I thought, to deal with your brother's death and give you some closure is that you could maybe create something like this, an elegy, where you remember him and his life, what he accomplished, what he did.

And another way, too, more modern, is to sit down and actually maybe find out, you know, who he served with, a soldier.

You know, maybe interview them, you know, by tape, or just have them send you a letter, or call them on the phone, and, and just get how-- you know, their, uh, feelings about your brother and how much they admired him and respected him.

- Yeah, that's really interesting.

That sounds like an excellent idea.

Definitely something I think would help, so yeah, thanks a lot for that.

- Sure.

No problem.

Here's a bell that was produced in the foundry of the famous Paul Revere in the 18th century.

Your ancestor Josiah Monroe passed away at Valley Forge in the 18th century, and usually, when someone did pass away, they had what was called the tolling bell, or the passing bell, and here's an example.

So, usually, when it was an adult male, they would ring the bell three times, so you just kinda ring it slowly, and that would let people know that an adult male had passed away.

And so, if you'd like, you can ring the bell for your brother Nathan, and also you could ring the bell for your ancestor, Josiah Monroe, who died at Valley Forge.

♪♪ [bell ringing] ♪♪ Matthew: This has really brought a lot of different feelings for me, just seeing the way these people mourned and actually the actions that they have taken to kind of cope, to kind of overcome or to find closure.

But mourning and closure are two very different things.

You know, you can mourn forever and never find closure, and that's-- I feel that I’ve been mourning for my brother without ever really finding this closure.

[bell resonates] I really feel that this journey has really helped me to, uh, be more open about the death of my brother.

Now I’m able to talk on the phone with Major Finn, who was Nathan's captain.

Major Finn: He was basically my righthand man, and, and wherever I went, he went, and, and vice versa.

Matthew: I have a, a really hard time placing words on, you know, what, what these feelings are, like, what they really mean.

[bell tolling] Mourning and closure are two very different things.

You know, you can mourn forever and never find closure.

And that's-- I feel that I’ve been mourning for my brother without ever really finding this closure.

♪♪ In my past, I haven't really been super interested in my family history, and I felt like it didn't really apply to me.

But coming here and seeing, you know, my ancestors that fought in these wars and, um, learning about their lifestyles has really brought me to a realization that there's so much that we can relate to our ancestors from hundreds of years ago that still apply today.

♪♪ I really feel that this journey has really helped me to, uh, be more open about the death of my brother and feel like I can talk to people, and that they'll be more understanding, and, you know, they'll kind of know that it's a hard thing to talk about, but that, that it's okay to talk about.

♪♪ Now I’m able to do something that I haven't really done before, and be able to talk on the phone with Major Finn, who was Nathan's captain at the time that Nathan was serving, and so, I think that being able to talk to him will really help me, uh, to learn more about Nathan and his life while he was in the army.

Major Finn: Hi, this is, uh, Major Finn.

- Hey, Major Finn, this is Matthew.

Major Finn: Matthew, how you doing?

Please call me Shane.

- All right.

Being a captain, how closely did you work with Nathan?

Major Finn: Nathan was my, uh, RTO, which means he was my, uh, radio man.

So basically, because of his position, the RTO for the company commander, we basically spent every day together.

I would tell you that for 18 months, we probably spent 75% of our time, especially when we were deployed.

Um, he was, he was basically my righthand man, and, and wherever I went, he went, and, and vice versa.

Matthew: I’ve heard actually a few different stories on exactly how he died, and I'm kind of really interested in that.

I heard he was in a helicopter and got shot in the heart or through the neck, or, you know, a few different stories, and so, I’m curious if you, if you know the exact details on that that you could share with me.

Major Finn: After the colonel told me that it was okay to do the mission, I, I talked to Nathan, and, and I kind of gave him a, like, Hey, knucklehead, we gotta get going, type deal.

And, uh, and he said, Ye-- yes, sir, no problem.

Let me, uh-- just give me one minute so I can finish this email.

And I believe he was typing an email to someone in your family.

I'm not exactly sure who, uh, but it was either, uh, one of the siblings or a brother or sister-in-law.

After that minute or whatever it took for him to finish the email, we-- Nathan and I went into, uh, into immediate planning and preparations for the mission.

We're in the pickup zone for the helicopters, which was right outside of our patrol base.

I had, I had planned to sit in front left seat, and because the helicopters came in backwards, I ended up sitting in the front right, and Nathan sat in the front left.

But it's something that bothers me because when Nathan was shot, he was sitting in the seat that I would have been sitting in.

[silence] And then, uh, when Nathan was actually killed, we were going into our, uh, landing zone, and as we're landing, about 15 feet off the ground, this, uh, enemy combatant popped out and, and, and sprayed our helicopter with about 30 to 40 rounds of 7.62 machine gun fire.

And as he was shooting us, we were obviously in a very vulnerable position.

Saw Nathan lift up and twist his torso towards the enemy combatant, and as he twisted, he exposed his armpit.

And when he exposed his armpit, kind of lifting his arms, he took a round through the armpit which went through his heart.

♪♪ Matthew: The following days, did it affect you, your work?

Or, you know, how-- kind of, how did you grieve for Nathan?

Major Finn: I’ll tell you right now that, uh, that I, I put grieving off.

- Yeah?

Major Finn: I decided, I decided not to grieve.

That's not necessarily healthy, by the way.

- Yeah.

Major Finn: I don't know if you know this, but I, I, I named my, uh, first son, I, I named his middle name Nathan after your brother ‘cause that's how much, uh, he meant to me.

♪♪ Matthew: Thank you very much for, for sharing that with me.

Uh, I think this'll help out a lot.

Major Finn: Likewise.

♪♪ Take care.

Matthew: All right, you too.

♪♪ [emotional] I just have a, a really hard time placing words on, you know, what, what these feelings are, like, what they really mean.

♪♪ I just feel honored by... by Major Finn, from his experiences with Nathan, and the fact that his son's middle name is Nathan.

Feeling, you know, really honored, um, that Nathan was-- is a part of our family, and that... you know, very sad for his loss, but also just knowing that, um, I’ll be able to see him again is, is a wonderful feeling also.

[sniffles] ♪♪ I think I’m much more ready than I was before for the memorial, definitely.

Um, I think I will be able to do it now.

You know, it's still something that's going to be difficult.

What I’m planning on doing is planting a tree near Timpanogos Cave National Monument in the Uinta National Forest, and I think it really symbolizes a lot about Nathan.

He loved the outdoors, hiking and camping, and, uh, doing adventurous things, which is part of the reason why he joined the army, and to plant a tree in that type of environment will be something that represents his life and the things he likes to do.

♪♪ Through this whole journey, from the very beginning, I’ve been able to open up, little by little, and, uh, I actually had another one of those dreams where Nathan came home, and I wanted to tell every one of you, I told you so, I told you we'd see him again.

And that was really hard.

[sniffles] [voice breaking] Already, as you can tell, I don't know if anyone's ever seen me talk like this before, and I know it's definitely helpful to me.

I was hoping to give what's called an elegy.

Um, they generally, in the 1700s, would write an elegy, which is kind of like a eulogy, but it's, uh, about a year later, after the person had died, they would publish it in the newspaper.

I was hoping to do that last night, and I couldn't.

I just couldn't do it.

And, uh... uh, being here today, I mean, it's just so hard for me, but being able to plant this tree as a memorial to him is just another small step to help me open up and, and share my feelings, and once again, I just thank all of you for being here.

Just so happy that I have all the support that I do.

[shovel scraping] The funeral is definitely one step in the coping process, and, uh, being able to have this memorial service was kind of replacing that step that I missed from not being able to attend the funeral.

It was definitely worth it to go on this journey where I’ve been able to go see a lot of my ancestors, uh, where they lived, what, you know, what they did during, uh, wars.

I kind of realized that I shouldn't be so worried about talking about my brother's death.

In his last email that he sent to me, the last, the last sentence in that email was "keep on keeping on."

And, you know, what, what better thing could he have said to me, you know, the last thing I heard from him?

♪♪