- This and more coming up on "The Whitney Reynolds Show."

- There was that pivotal moment after about a month when I realized, Gabe and Gabbi weren't two separate people.

It one soul, it was one person.

And I had just buried who I really was for all these years.

- We just have to grow into the new version of ourselves with our grief, we don't leave our grief behind.

- The love of my life has passed on.

So for me it was, he's gone.

The best way I can honor him is by being successful and moving forward.

- [Announcer] "The Whitney Reynolds Show" is made possible by Simple Modern, drinkware with unique styles for adults and kids.

Take us with you.

Kevin O'Connor Law Firm.

When it comes to your injuries, we take it personally.

Together At Peace, a foundation with a mission to generate financial support for hospitals, schools, and many charities that provide compassionate bereavement care and foster spiritual resilience.

We are here to inspire tangible moments and share the light of loved ones who have passed away, always doing good in their honor.

Children's Learning Place, a school for the earliest learners dedicated to aiding every child in uncovering the power of learning.

Our curriculum is centered around empowering young students with the confidence to overcome present and future challenges to promote a brighter future for our youth and community.

The adventures of the "Harry Moon" book series for kids that focuses on becoming your best self with themes of friends, anti-bullying, and responsibility at harrymoon.org.

Kevin Kelly, joeperillo.com, Hi-Five Sports, Fumee Claire, Respiratory Health Association, Hearing Health Center, Mike Dyer with Edward Jones.

(upbeat music) - Here, we believe your story matters.

(audience cheers) - Whatever the story is behind those scars, I think it's beautiful.

- I was that story.

The one that needed a safe space.

- We can build a stage, speak life back into this community.

- So we created it.

- From this moment on, everything has changed.

- Just treat housing as a human right.

- When I was, I think, 15 months old, my mom adopted me.

- I've been transitioning for three and a half years and I'm nowhere near being close to where I want to be.

(audience cheers) - Our first guest and I sat across from each other and exchanged a very personal interview.

To me, it was on several levels, and even pulled out a motion of tears.

Let's take a look at her story.

Welcome to the show.

- Thank you so much for having me.

- [Whitney] Gabbi Tuft caught our attention on social media.

Her story shared on her own terms.

An honest look at her transition from a male wrestler to a woman living her truth.

- I had to chase everything back to childhood.

I had more girlfriends than guy friends.

I played with girls toys.

I had the guy toys, too.

I had He-Man and "Star Wars" and stuff like that.

But I always gravitated towards, you know, Barbies, My Little Ponies.

I wanted a Cabbage Patch Kid in the worst way.

I started dressing in my mom's clothes when nobody was around.

So my mom would work, my dad would work, my brother would be at school.

I was the first one home.

So I had an hour and I would spend that hour in my mom's clothes, just sitting around feeling good about myself.

- Did it feel right?

- That's the perfect term.

It would be right.

It felt right.

It felt natural.

- Did it also feel wrong?

- Yes, because society beats it into us, especially as men, that it's not okay to act feminine as a guy.

Being a kid of the '80s, you know, we were hard pressed to even remotely act female.

So I watched my friends, if they acted female in any way, feminine, any way, they'd be ostracized, they'd get the crap kicked out of them.

So you learn really quick, it's not okay.

- In that time period, did you ever express to anybody, did you ever have that confidant?

Kind of toy?

No?

It was just you?

- God, no.

Oh no.

It was like the deep, imagine, everybody's got a deep, dark secret.

Imagine that times 100.

That's what it was to me.

So nobody, not a soul knew.

- Wow.

She is no stranger to television and gained fame as Tyler Reks, a WWE wrestler from 2008 to 2012.

Reks sported dreadlocks, had his signature maneuver, and weighed 280 pounds.

You buried this.

- Yep.

- And then you became the total, what I would say, alpha male.

- I always say I was a cross between Ragnar Lodbrok from "Vikings" and Mountain, from the "Game of Thrones."

About six to 8% body fat year round.

I had dreadlocks down to my butt and tattoos everywhere, which I still have.

But yeah, fully embraced my masculinity because I had no context for what was happening to me as a kid.

So I thought I had to live my life as a male.

- You did this bodybuilding, which led you into the WWE.

- Yes, and the first question that people are gonna ask is, "Well, did you do this to cover it up?"

And I didn't.

I embraced that part of my life, like I said, 'cause I didn't know any different.

And I found that the bigger I was, the stronger I was, the more of a presence I had, the more of a platform I had to help change people's lives.

- Wow.

- So I was always working on fitness in the background with the goal of always helping people change their lives.

But with WWE, God, it was the roughest contact sport I've ever done my whole life.

And it was, as a man, it was very rewarding.

- Yeah.

Like, I'm just, I'm picturing it all.

Like the cheering.

- Yep.

- Is it called an alter ego name?

- It was Tyler Reks, R-E-K-S. - Whoa.

- And so we kind of spoon fed it to the audience, so it would be T-Reks.

- Oh, I love it.

- Even though my arms are long, but.

(laughs) - What I find interesting about you putting yourself out there in this form of wrestling is you had to be bold with your stance of who you were, 'cause you have haters and you have people that are cheering for you.

- Right.

- And in the same stance, that's where you are now.

- Very much so.

With wrestling, my job was to be a bad guy, though.

We have good guys, we have bad guys in wrestling.

And so to get out there in front of, you know, between five and 10,000 people every week in an arena with millions watching on camera in my boots and underwear and my job was to have people hate me, if you can do that, the haters on social media, it's like no big deal.

- During your time as a wrestler, were you dating women?

- So my wife and I got married in 2002, and we're in the process of divorcing right now.

Best of friends, still.

Still best friends.

We co-parent.

But this year, actually, it's 21 years, this year.

And so throughout the whole WWE time, even traveling, we were married and we stayed faithful to each other.

- So WWE closes out.

How does it end for you?

Why did it end?

- My daughter was eight months old, Mia, and she was old enough now, I was leaving, and I would leave on a red eye every Thursday, just about every Thursday, from San Francisco.

And I'd go back to the East Coast where most of the shows were.

And I wouldn't walk in the door until Wednesday of the following week, about 3:30 in the afternoon.

So I was home like 24 hours.

So I just walked into Raw one day, and it was August, 2012.

And I said, "I'm done.

I gotta go be a parent.

I can't be a FaceTime parent.

I have to go be a parent."

It was freeing, you know, to take control of my life and not be a slave to anything and to know that the next steps were 100% mine was very empowering.

- Do you think this is where your journey to becoming Gabbi started?

- I think it allowed some soul searching to happen.

- So when did you have that moment of, "Okay, this thing that I buried when I was 14, it is coming out of the grave."

- About 36, and it wasn't any one moment, so to speak, it was just a gradual build of, you know, I go do laundry sometimes, put away my wife's clothes.

And I remember one time I was in her closet and I looked and I just thought, "I really wanna try that on and I don't know why."

- [Whitney] The transition to becoming Gabbi stirred up a new fight.

This time, not in a ring or with a ref.

It was a solo journey to championing her true self.

- And so then it progressed to kind of trying stuff on when nobody was home to having my wife and I have a very intimate conversation about it.

And she said, "Yeah, sure.

I love you, I don't care."

Once in a while thing to a once every couple weeks thing to when COVID hit and everybody's locked up at home, it was an every night thing.

- And you would wear 'em around the house.

- Yeah, after Mia, our daughter went to sleep, I had a couple hours, and so I would get dressed up.

Priscilla helped me with my makeup.

She taught me how to walk in heels.

And it was becoming painful to take off the hair, the makeup, and to go back to being Gabe in the daytime.

But there was that pivotal moment after about a month when I realized Gabe and Gabbi weren't two separate people.

It was one soul.

It was one person.

- [Whitney] Authentically sharing her transition is something she's known for.

Being vulnerable not only with her looks, but also her emotions in this process.

- Well, I got very depressed first, because I was such a hyper-masculine guy.

And I mean everything from, you know, I was balding.

I had never taken care of my skin.

I had these massive muscles and I just looked at myself in the mirror and I thought, "There's no possible way that this could ever be anything feminine.

There's no way."

So I got extremely depressed to the point of being suicidal.

- Mm.

- And Priscilla knew what was going on, and she stopped me one day.

We had a talk and I told her how I was feeling.

I said, "If I can't live my life as a woman, I don't wanna be alive."

- Wow.

- And she says, "Honey," first, she says, "I know."

Which is a shocker to me because I think I was in a little bubble at the time.

But your husband getting dressed up every night as a woman and playing the part for, you know, eight months, the writing was kind of on the wall.

- Right.

- But then she said, "I love you and we'll figure it out."

- She just is so courageous in so many ways that it encourages me to step into my courage and my personal power.

I learn from her every single day.

- [Whitney] What was one of your hardest moments in that?

After this, "I might end it all," but you're still deciding to go forward?

- I think it was actually going out in public for the first time.

There's just a lack of education out there about the process of transitioning.

Not by anybody's fault, but going out in public, you're breaking every rule of being a man, when you go out in public and you're presenting female.

For a big, strong guy that's scared of nothing, that did contact sports, and wrestled.

- Yeah, WWE!

- I was huddled up in a ball and I had this big F-150 truck, 'cause we live in Texas, and we were downtown in the gay district.

I was dressed up in female, presenting female, for the first time in public and I was crying in the truck, just shaking and crying.

I had been prepared to lose my, I thought I was gonna lose my wife, my daughter, my mom, my dad, my business.

And I was petrified, but when I did tell them, it was nothing but support.

- Wow.

- Especially from my dad, who was the, you know, he's a man's man.

- Yeah.

- And he just, I wrote them a letter and he texted me and he said, "I love you forever."

- Wow.

- Right?

- And your daughter, how is she navigating all this?

- Wonderfully, surprisingly, wonderfully.

She had a lot of questions early on, and she spoke privately with Priscilla, my wife, about that.

Once she understood that I wasn't going anywhere, there was an uncertainty, it's as if, you know, she took this rug and got it yanked out from underneath her.

But once her stability came back, she knew dad was still there.

And she could still call me dad.

It was her.

She asked if she could.

It gave her certainty and everything just fell into place from there.

So she has done wonderful.

She's one of my biggest supporters.

Do you feel like anything's changed with me?

What's different since my transition started with us?

- Oh, a lot.

A lot.

- Like what?

- Well, you really want me to start saying stuff.

Your clothing style, your hair got longer.

- Does my face look different than you remember?

- Yeah, definitely.

- Are you sad that I'm not a guy anymore?

- Sometimes.

- Early on you were sad.

- Not until like the first year was over.

- And now?

- Not really.

You're just kind of (indistinct).

- I'm just kind of dad?

If you could change one thing about us, about you and me, what would you change?

- I'd probably change nothing, except the fact that I need more candy.

- Shockingly, no issues at school whatsoever.

She's a straight A student.

She plays piano, guitar, ukulele.

She's all self-taught.

She sings, she's in choir.

- Does she still call you dad?

- She does, yeah.

- Okay.

- And it doesn't bother me.

I think a lot of transgender women, it would probably bother.

But my view is that there's other people involved in this than just me.

- Wow.

- I've got a daughter I've gotta think of.

I have a wife.

Even though we're divorcing, I still care.

Priscilla said it best.

I have to give credit where credit's due.

She said, "The people around you are transitioning also."

And I can understand that.

And so for her to call me dad in public might seem weird to other people, especially if she's yelling it down the aisle at a store and everybody turns and looks and goes, "What?"

But if it gives her stability, I'm fine with it.

I really believe that by being raw, real, transparent, and not hiding anything from anyone and allowing people to see behind the curtain.

Because a lot of times what you see with transitions, is you see the before and the after, and you don't get the in between, you don't get the story about, it is difficult, and it doesn't happen overnight.

You aren't transformed like a Marvel character, you know, where you suddenly get this superpower.

I've been transitioning for three and a half years and I'm nowhere near being close to where I want to be.

I have a long way to go.

And by sharing the raw side and being transparent, I truly believe that those that want to know, they get that inside look and they'll have a little empathy.

I never want to change anybody's opinions.

I don't want to change their expectations or their core beliefs.

But if they're curious and they want to know what it's like, or they have any desire just to understand, that's why I use the platform the way I do.

- You are truly incredible.

Thank you so much for coming on and being vulnerable with your story, - My honor.

Absolutely, my honor.

Thank you for having me.

(upbeat music) - We just woke up to commotion and my mom just yowling, and I'm like, "What is going on?"

And I can remember we all kinda had the ear to the door, and then my dad just flew the door open and he went through to their bedroom, packed a bag, and left.

And that's when I went out into the hallway and there's my mom sitting on the floor, her head split, wide open, wide open, and just blood.

And she just kept going, "Why me?

Why me?"

- [Whitney] This moment that Felicity recalls changed the path she was on.

And as we were working on her story, we realized she wasn't alone in what we call a midlife shift, brought on by a tragic chapter.

Our next story, very similar, comes from Ghana.

- The love of my life has passed on.

He had gotten shot in LA weeks before and had been hovering between life and death.

And I, his parents had said, "Don't come.

He's gonna need you more when he comes home."

But that never happened.

So I was pretty devastated.

So for me it was, he's gone.

The best way I can honor him is by being successful and moving forward.

That doesn't mean I wasn't in pain, but I felt that was the best way to honor him.

I knew that he would want me to get up and go to work, and so I just had to keep moving forward.

That's all I knew to do.

I believe that every time there's a setback, it's a set up for you to come back several levels past where you were.

Did I have my moments where I just had meltdowns after he died?

Yes.

But I reserved them for my private space.

When I went to work, I kicked into a whole different zone, and I would literally go home and cry every night, Whitney.

And in the middle of the night, I just refocused my entire life.

For me, it's always about surviving and moving past surviving to thriving.

- When you're ready to get into that space of the five-year-old, the eight-year-old, the 10-year-old, you get into that meditative space, you pull in that moment, and then you speak about it from the adult perspective.

- Both of these ladies are now helping other women in similar positions.

They've written books and have used their tragic stories for a new trajectory.

One that inspires change.

For our viewer at home that is, you know, in the midst of maybe not knowing who they are or what they are capable of, what would you say to them?

- That we have the power to become whomever we truly are meant to be and not what we are groomed into being.

- I think it's making peace with who you are and where you're at.

I have to tell you, I had a lot of guilt associated with his death.

And so I had to actually receive forgiveness for myself in that moment.

I had to forgive myself, receive forgiveness, and know that there was life after that.

And that once again, in honoring him, he would've wanted me to continue with my life.

(soft music) - Our next guest might have a familiar last name because I interviewed her husband on "The Whitney Reynolds Show" several years ago about his starring role in "Hamilton."

Yet during the interview, we took a delicate turn as he explained that around the time he landed the lead role, his daughter passed away.

Now we welcome his wife into my home for her life shift that reminds us it's okay to be normal and broken.

- "In May, after a brain MRI, we received confirmation that Adelaide's brain was smaller than it was in December.

There is no cure and no way to reverse it.

Her brain is deteriorating and we can't stop it.

Dear Adelaide, becoming a parent is undoubtedly life changing.

But you, my dear, didn't just change my life.

You caused an eruption.

You have been stronger than me every step of the way.

Nothing has come easy for you.

Fighting for some of the most basic and essential life skills, then losing them, and having to fight for them all over again."

When Miguel booked "Hamilton," it was the same week our daughter was diagnosed with epilepsy.

- Mm.

- And we moved to Chicago and within a week of being here, she has pneumonia and she ends up with a NG tube in her nose.

So these events were all happening at the same time.

And then she passes away in October of 2019.

- And how old was she then?

- She was five days before her fourth birthday.

"I woke up in my own bed, in my own quiet house, and it hit me like a freight train had hit me.

No Adelaide to take care of.

I was terrified that someday the pain wouldn't be there, and as a result, I would lose all of Adelaide that I have left.

But now I know that the pain will always be there, and in a totally backwards, bizarre way, that is comforting.

I don't have to worry about losing it, or rather, losing her in that way."

We were grieving her long before she passed away.

- You originally took to a blog.

- Mm-hmm.

- And it was a way to update family, friends, what was going on.

- So I started writing the blog to keep family and friends updated, and then quickly realized that I was reaching a much wider audience.

And the blog became a place where I could process sort of my complicated emotions, my contradictory emotions, around all of this, and then share it and hear from other people.

"Yeah, me too."

- Mm.

- So that I felt less alone in all of that.

So it was just very natural that when Adelaide passed away, I kept that going, but instead of writing about being a caregiver, I was writing about my grief journey.

It allowed me to not feel so lonely and not feel quite as broken.

I still, to this day, feel broken, but I feel normal broken, if you will.

- [Whitney] Kelly's writing touched many through her blog and eventually let her down the path to author her own book.

- "I know in time I may feel a sense of conflicting relief, but right now it's just a gaping hole of grief.

No amount of flowers, food, alcohol, or words can fill it, and to be entirely honest, right now, I don't want them to."

I wanted to write this book to be a companion, to be a friend, to be that person who will sit in the dark with you, because that is what I so desperately needed.

It's not a guide.

Grief is not linear.

I don't believe in grief guides in general.

So I had this thought, I thought, like, the grieving stages, and then I would get to acceptance in the grieving stages and there would be some light that shined down and said, "Yay, you win grief.

Here's your medal."

And that's not how it works.

(laughs) And so I wanted a way to share what I had learned and in sometimes a comical way because grief is weird and funny.

- Yes.

- And it is dark, but it can also be goofy.

And that's okay, and to just sort of allow all of those pieces to come forward in sometimes a brutally honest way.

- [Whitney] It was on a retreat with women also experiencing loss where she was able to feel both normal and broken.

- This was the one thing in common that we shared, is that we had lost a child.

I remember seeing one of the mothers, she was just sitting on the couch by herself and she was crying and one of the other mothers just went up and took her hand and handed her a tissue and they didn't say anything.

They just sat there together.

And I was like, "Yes."

- Yeah.

- And then later that night, we're all sitting around a fire pit and it was somewhere between like Bell Biv DeVoe and Backstreet Boys as we're listening to '90s music and dancing and lip-syncing and just having the greatest time.

And I was like, the first time that most of us had probably let go and just allowed simple joy into our lives and like, unattached to anything else and just let go and not worried.

And I felt normal broken with all of those women.

And that's what I hope that the book can be.

That it can allow people to feel normal in their grief.

That grief is so normal and this, it can shatter us and leave us feeling like we're irreparable, but we are, and we just have to grow into the new version of ourselves with our grief.

We don't leave our grief behind.

We don't move on.

We couldn't because that grief is love.

It's the other side of a coin.

I'm never gonna stop loving my daughter, so I'm never gonna stop grieving her.

It's just how do we incorporate that grief into our life and move forward with it.

And with these women, I was able to see a way that I could do that.

"I spent the last year trying to convince myself that our physical family of three was enough, but we all knew something was missing and not just Adelaide.

She left a void that cannot be filled or replaced, a space that will only ever be hers and hers alone.

This was something else."

And so that is what I hope for anyone who reads the book is that they can feel that sort of peace as well, that they can grow into their new version of themselves with their grief.

- Today, these were some emotional experiences of those navigating complexities of pivoting life changes.

We explored the stories of resilience, self-discovery, and reinvention, showcasing the courage and determination of individuals as they embrace their new journey.

Remember, your story matters.

(soft upbeat music) - [Announcer] "The Whitney Reynolds Show" is made possible by Simple Modern, drinkware with unique styles for adults and kids.

Take us with you.

Kevin O'Connor Law Firm.

When it comes to your injuries, we take it personally.

Together At Peace, a foundation with a mission to generate financial support for hospitals, schools, and many charities that provide compassionate bereavement care and foster spiritual resilience.

We are here to inspire tangible moments and share the light of loved ones who have passed away always doing good in their honor.

Children's Learning Place, a school for the earliest learners dedicated to aiding every child in uncovering the power of learning.

Our curriculum is centered around empowering young students with the confidence to overcome present and future challenges to promote a brighter future for our youth and community.

The adventures of the "Harry Moon" book series for kids that focuses on becoming your best self with themes of friends, anti-bullying, and responsibility.

At harrymoon.org.

Kevin Kelly, joeperillo.com, Hi-Five Sports, Fumee Claire, Respiratory Health Association, Hearing Health Center, Mike Dyer with Edward Jones.

- [Whitney] Want to stay connected to all things Whitney Reynolds?

Well follow us on social media and you'll get exclusive content and updates from the show.

(upbeat music) All episodes are available for streaming anytime.

- [Kids] Hi, Mommy!

(kids laugh) (gentle music)