[theme music] You know everything they say about you, Inspector Crabbe.

Always know your enemy.

[wind gusting] Have some prosciutto.

Have some wine.

What is going on?

What are you playing at?

There's a roomful of people waiting to eat!

For once in your life, do the sensible thing.

Walk away.

Dudley Hooperman, I'm arresting you on suspicion of theft.

You have the right to remain silent, but anything you do say may be taken down and used in evidence.

You're a bit of a disappointment, Crabbe.

[Henry gasping] Henry!

I just had a terrible dream.

Well, I'm not surprised, going to sleep on the sofa like that.

It was the Hooperman dream again, but Steve and John were in it.

They were trying to shoot me.

Classic anxiety dream.

Why would Steve and John want to shoot me?

Because they've left the restaurant, Henry, because they've moved on to bigger and better things.

Rejected you, see?

Fired you.

[imitating gunshot] Simple.

Come to bed.

[Henry sighing] All I'm saying is you should use a faster film.

You'll get more depth of field.

And you want to use a bigger lens, a 500.

You'll get up much closer.

Why is it always your voice that greets me as I climb the stairs, Kerly?

Morning, Mac.

Morning, Cambridge.

Morning, sir.

I'm just saying, sir, vis-a-vis the old technical equipment.

Kerly, on our budget, we're lucky to have a camera at all.

If Mr. Fisher had his way, we'd be doing crayon drawings.

Anything happening?

Yeah.

Three out front, three on deliveries.

[Henry] Oh, yeah.

Tyson and Bates.

Don't recognize the older one.

[Cambridge] Dean Foster.

Started yesterday.

Currently on bail.

Charged with breaking and entering.

Hey, it's him.

-Digwell.

-[camera clicking] Creep got a new car.

Bet he didn't get that through selling crap pizza.

Digwell's at it, sir.

You know it, and I know it.

[pager beeping] Fisher.

[Henry groaning] Everything all right, sir?

Things are a bit fraught at the restaurant, actually.

Steve and John ought to be able to look after everything by now, surely.

It's finally happened.

They've both left.

Steve's got a job as a sous chef at Le Grand Poisson.

John's managing a Peruvian coffee shop in Soho, and right now, there's a temp chef from the agency who's doing God knows what in my kitchen.

Look.

What?

I said the pies weren't cooked properly, didn't I?

Did you, darling?

I must have missed it in all the hurly-burly.

And you're not supposed to smoke in the kitchen.

Well, I'm not in the habit of being bossed about by a waitress.

Well, how about the habit of producing food that's edible?

Look, darling, I'm a chef.

Warming up half a dozen meat pies for some old gits does not require a chef.

Did you get that from behind the bar?

It's for a special dessert I'm making.

Yeah, well, you've drunk half the bottle.

Well, I may as well finish it off, then, hadn't I?

Give it to me.

Bugger off.

I said "Give it to me."

Now get out.

You're telling me to get out?

Look.

This is stealing from my boss, who happens to be a good bloke.

Now, if you don't get out, I'm gonna do something about it.

Hello.

Bit sparse in there, isn't it?

Where's Dermot?

Um, well, he's gone.

Gone?

Well, um, I slung him out, actually.

I see.

Oh, my God.

Table five are waiting for their apple crumble and ice cream.

Can I help?

Yeah, you get the ice cream from the freezer.

I'll sort out the crumble.

I'm sorry about Dermot, Margaret.

Oh, don't worry.

Henry will be delighted.

You know, "I told you so."

The ice cream's in the freezer, Margaret, not the fridge.

What?

The freezer.

Oh, Henry.

[Fisher] Chief Superintendent Brian Smeddley.

Name ring a bell, Crabbe?

-Sir.

-It should.

Chief Superintendent Smeddley is your area commander, and he tells me you've missed a budget meeting, a strategy meeting, and a management meeting all in the last fortnight.

[Henry] I did try to contact him, sir.

Oh, really?

But he couldn't come to the phone.

He was in a meeting.

You might have learnt something from the budget meeting in particular.

This pizza investigation.

It's costing a fortune.

Oh, sir, it's D.S.

Cambridge, two D.C.s, and a jar of instant coffee.

I don't see how it could be done cheaper.

What's it all about, anyway?

Lightning Pizza is owned by Terence Digwell, an old acquaintance of ours.

He's got half a dozen lads delivering pizzas on mopeds.

Pizzas on mopeds?

[Henry clearing throat] And they've all got form, and we have reason to believe that they've been mixing their delivery duties with a little breaking and entering.

Anything they can nick, Digwell gives them a price.

Let me bring you up to speed on policy, Crabbe.

I'd appreciate that, sir.

Policy is this.

Cut resources by 10%, increase detection rate by 10%.

Simple, isn't it, sir?

Yes.

So we have to have something to show for all this resourcing.

A spotty Herbert with a stolen VCR in his saddlebag will not suffice, Crabbe.

-No, sir.

-I want that observation post closed down by the end of the week.

You have until then to get a result.

Yes, sir.

Oh, Inspector.

Your messages.

Oh, thank you.

[groaning] Smeddley, Smeddley, Smeddley.

Oh, wait, wait.

Who's this one from?

"Have you heard about Hooperman?"

Don't know.

It's not my writing.

Someone must have stuck it on my desk while I wasn't looking.

Mm.

Oh.

And your wife called.

Twice.

[door closing] Hello, Henry.

Margaret, what's going on?

Where is everybody?

Where's Nicola?

Where's Dermot?

Dermot went at lunchtime, and I've sent Nicola home.

And the restaurant is closed until further notice.

Sit down, Henry.

Margaret, what have you done?

The letters, Henry.

I've found the letters from the bank.

They were in the fridge, Henry.

Stuffed behind some leftover toad-in-the-hole.

Oh, that's where they were.

Letters from the bank manager asking to see us urgently.

Yes, well, I was very busy at the time, so I put them on one side, you see.

You wrote a check to the butcher's for 420 pounds, which took us past our overdraft limit.

Marge, we were away for the weekend, and you know I don't like owing people money.

You don't like owing people money?

Henry, we owe the bank 30,000 pounds!

That's different.

See, they make a zillion pounds profit.

And anyway that ferrety-faced gangster of a bank manager charges you 20 quid just to pick up the phone, and then he treats you like dirt into the bargain.

Mr. Wimpole is simply doing his job.

I can't believe I'm hearing this.

You're taking the side of the bank.

Henry, we are in a fix.

Now, we can't just shove it in the fridge and hope it'll go away, because it won't.

Now, here's my plan of action.

We will go and see the bank manager as soon as possible.

Both of us.

We will be frank with him, and we will be realistic with him.

We need to restructure our current loan repayments and borrow some more just to tide us over.

And, of course, he will want us to take a serious look at our costings and see if we can cut overheads.

And then we will find a new chef, though God knows if we can find one who will mash a potato to your liking, and then, and only then, we will reopen the restaurant.

Agreed?

-Margaret- -Good.

You see, it's better, isn't it?

Talking things through.

It's the first step to working things out.

[pager beeping] Smeddley.

[engine revving] [Henry] Smeddley.

No, Smeddley.

Chief Superintendent Smeddley.

He's been trying to contact me.

Why are you always eating?

I'm hungry.

Yeah, but you're always eating, you're always hungry.

Well, should I try and ring him after this meeting and before the next one or after the afternoon meeting?

It's the stress.

It makes me hungry.

Stress?

[scoffing] Okay.

Bye.

Look, that would make you the most stressed-out person I've met.

Well, I possibly am the most stressed-out person that you've met.

Will you be quiet?

I take it there's a problem, sir.

Yes.

Fisher wants a result by Friday, or we're out of here.

I tried to call Smeddley to ask him to intercede on our behalf.

By Friday.

He can't be serious.

Oh, yes.

They're not getting any return on their investment.

Resources are being downsized or right-sized or something.

God knows.

They spout all this gibberish about money.

It all means the same thing.

You can't have any.

Are you saying we're supposed to steam in and start making arrests before-- Don't start on me, Sergeant!

I'm merely telling you what the situation is!

Sir.

So instead of us all falling out with ourselves, let's think of a way to speed things up a bit.

How do you mean?

Well, these two are always wanging on about their lunch.

Why don't we get one of Digwell's posse to bring a pizza over here, leave something nickable lying around, -and if he falls for it-- -We nick him.

Yes.

Then offer him a winter break in Parkhurst.

And who knows?

He may just give us Digwell.

Right.

When, sir?

[pager beeping] [Henry sighing] Margaret?

Oh, my God, the bank.

Tomorrow, Cambridge.

Hey, it's Digwell.

And he's got a new face with him.

Anyone recognize him?

[Kerly] Nah, doesn't ring any bells with me.

[Cambridge] Somehow or other, I don't see this one delivering pizzas on a moped.

I'm sorry.

There you are.

I thought you were never coming.

I wouldn't have missed this for the world.

Right.

Now, look, listen.

Let me do the talking, don't make facetious remarks, don't interrupt, and don't lose your temper.

Bank managers are people, too.

Just remember that.

So.

Henry and Margaret Crabbe, right?

Can we ask what happened to Mr. Wimpole?

Wimpole?

Shunted off to South Wales, I think.

[Margaret sighing] We always found Mr. Wimpole very helpful.

Probably that's why he was shunted off to South Wales.

Seems like we've been writing you rather a lot of letters recently.

Yes, I am sorry about that.

The reason was-- Despite which you went over your overdraft limit.

[chuckling] Yes.

A slight misunderstanding.

We really are very sorry.

The new food-storage regulations meant more capital outlay, but if you look at our first quarter- The thing about the restaurant business, right, is the amateurs it attracts.

You know, nice, middle-class couples who give little dinner parties.

Their friends just love the wife's duck a l'orange.

The next thing, bingo, they're turning pro.

Are you calling us amateurs?

The thing is, where are you coming from?

Are you genuinely out to meet the needs of the marketplace, or is this restaurant just an ego trip?

See this, Henry?

The world's changing fast, right?

Habits change.

What I want to know is, can you adapt?

Mr. Humphrey, um, if I could just have your attention for a minute.

Uh, I am a chartered accountant.

I can read a balance sheet.

And I have had more experiences with small business than you have had hot pizzas.

And for your information, I am incapable of boiling an egg, let alone cooking duck a l'orange, which is not on our menu, and it never has been.

I'm quite partial to duck a l'orange, actually.

Done properly, it's a classic.

What we are looking for is practical help, not lectures.

Look, Margaret, I'm running a business here.

You write checks on accounts that are already overdrawn.

You don't reply to letters.

Then you come in here and expect me to say yes to everything.

Listen, matey, it's Mrs. Crabbe to you, right?

Margaret, Margaret, Margaret, Margaret.

Please, please, please, please, please.

It's all right, it's all right, it's all right.

Now, Darren.

It is Darren, isn't it?

Yes.

How can you reach a proper decision if you don't know where we're coming from?

Please come to the restaurant, I'll cook you a meal, and let's see if we can give you something that they can't.

Okay.

But, I warn you, the new buzzword around this bank is "no."

"Don't lose your temper."

I know, all right.

I blew it, I blew it.

"Bank managers are people, too, you know."

Yes, well, you might find it funny, Henry.

That man is gonna close our business.

[pager beeping] Something wrong?

[Henry sighing] "Have you heard about Hooperman yet?"

-What does that mean?

-I don't know.

I keep getting anonymous messages about Hooperman.

I suppose it's someone's idea of a joke.

Not a very funny one.

No.

Hello, Nicola.

Hiya.

-Can you lend us 10,000 pounds?

-I could manage a tenner.

Mm, fine friend you are.

Listen, we shall need you back if we can reopen, you know.

Yeah, I know you will.

Will I tell that chef to go home, then?

Chef?

What chef?

Here.

Hello.

Henry Crabbe.

Gary Palmer.

Listen, I'm afraid there's been a mistake.

I told the agency not to send anyone else.

No, I'm not from the agency.

Steve told me there was a job going.

-Steve Turner?

-Yeah.

-You're a friend of Steve's?

-Yeah.

All right.

Well, have you known him long?

References.

But you haven't worked for over a year.

Now, why don't you tell me how you really found out about this job?

Steve wouldn't send anyone 'round here without telling me first.

I'm a police officer.

Did you know that?

Yeah.

You stink of the nick, son.

It's all over you.

My probation officer used to be Steve's probation officer.

He told me Steve wasn't working for you anymore.

Why didn't you say that in the first place?

Wouldn't have made any difference, would it?

Fisher's office just called.

They want you to meet him at some golf course.

Oh, for God's sake.

He wants to talk to you about Dudley Hooperman.

What the hell are you doing here, Crabbe?

I was told you wanted to see me, sir.

Well, someone's playing silly buggers, because I don't.

Something to do with Dudley Hooperman.

Dudley Hooperman?

Dudley Hooperman is dead.

This is Chief Inspector Geoff Woods.

He's been working in Madrid with the E.E.C.

Fraud Bureau.

Dudley Hooperman is dead?

A couple of months ago.

A light aircraft crashed in the mountains just north of Seville.

Four men on board.

Three Spaniards, one Brit.

No survivors.

I was particularly interested in the Brit.

Identification was a bit of a problem until we discovered his dental records.

The Brit's name was Dudley Hooperman.

Thank you, Geoff.

I'll join you in the clubhouse.

I was gonna tell you about Hooperman, Crabbe, uh, as soon as the time was right.

Come with me.

[car alarm chirping] Hold this like that.

[Henry] May I ask what you're doing, sir?

Tidying up a few loose ends.

What sort of loose ends?

Matters pertaining to your bungled attempt to arrest Dudley Hooperman, actually.

I'm removing rather a nasty blot from your copybook.

From our copybook, sir.

I wasn't suspected of taking rather a large bribe from Hooperman.

By the way, I never for a moment believed you took that bribe.

Pity you didn't say so at the time.

Loyalty to colleagues has always been number one in my book.

But a man in my position has a larger loyalty, Crabbe, and that's loyalty to the job.

Oh, yes, of course.

The job.

You know I've been keen to take early retirement the past couple of years.

You might have mentioned it, yes.

Well, now that we've tidied up these loose ends, is there any reason why I shouldn't put the wheels in motion?

Whether or not you take early retirement is nothing to do with me, Crabbe.

It's a matter for Personnel.

And the police surgeon, for that matter.

[car alarm chirping] You'll find a bin for that over there.

Hello.

Hello.

Do you know, I still can't get used to coming home and seeing the restaurant in darkness.

It's really depressing.

Henry, let's suppose, just for a moment, that we can't reopen the restaurant.

Yes.

Well, I've had an idea.

Now, promise you won't jump down my throat.

Mail order.

No, mail-order food is huge, Henry.

I'd never have known if I hadn't looked into it.

Kippers, cakes, you name it, they can mail it.

Well, why not mail-order pies?

And the overheads are minimal.

You don't need a restaurant, just somewhere to cook the bloody things.

Pack 'em up, post 'em off.

And you don't have the world and his wife traipsing in wanting to be waited on hand and foot.

Henry?

I had a really strange meeting with Freddy Fisher this afternoon.

What do you mean?

Dudley Hooperman has been killed in a plane crash.

Then the world's a better place.

And Freddy Fisher was shredding documents.

I'll bet he was.

And we talked about my taking early retirement.

And?

Said it was nothing to do with him.

Oh, really.

We know he was only keeping me around to take the flak in case Hooperman came jumping out of the woodwork.

But now that Hooperman's been killed, he doesn't need me.

Practically said as much.

And you believe everything that Fisher says?

Anyway, Henry, I've been looking into your pension because the teenage bank manager is sure to want to know.

[Henry sighing] And if you work the full 30 years and retire in three years' time, then you stand to get a lump sum of 70 grand -and then 15,000 a year.

-I know.

But if you retire early, you're only gonna get, what, 40,000 and then 11 grand a year.

What are you talking about?

Of course I'll get a full pension.

It happens all the time.

Blokes do their 20 years, and then they suddenly start getting back pains or stress symptoms, and off they go with a full pension.

And 'cause it helps them cut back the staffing numbers, everybody's happy.

Of course I'm gonna get a full-- I was shot in the leg, for God's sake.

Well, I hope you're right, Henry, because if you don't get a full pension, you can't retire.

[engine revving] Okay, sir?

Whose turn is it to say, "Go, go, go"?

All right, Kerly.

Get on with it.

Roger, guv.

I'll have a medium deep-pan Pacifico, please, with, um, with extra pepperoni.

And...

Extra coconut, as well, please.

Yeah, we're just across the road in the old travel agent's.

Just let yourselves in.

We're at the top of the stairs, first floor.

We're at the room at the front.

That's fine.

Okay.

Bye.

Leave that briefcase open so they can see the credit cards.

Nice one.

Would you like to have a look at the latest photos?

Oh, please, Cambridge.

Thank you.

-These are terrible.

-I know.

It's the processing.

Mac had them done at that cheapo place on the High Street.

What on earth did he take them there for?

Because the police lab charges 10 quid a roll.

-Charges who?

-Us, sir.

It comes off the budget for the investigation.

It's the new system.

Didn't you know?

Whatever will they think of next.

Now, who's that?

Don't know yet.

Face ring a bell?

Mm, perhaps.

I'll take one of these, if I may.

Ah.

This looks like it might be it.

All right, Mac, it looks like Foster's on his way.

[Mac] Rog.

Anyone home?

Hello?

It's Lightning Pizza.

I've got your pizza here.

Hello?

[phone ringing] [phone ringing] -Hello?

-This is A.C.C Fisher.

I thought you lot were moving out of there today.

I don't know, pal.

I'm only trying to deliver a pizza, aren't I?

I beg your pardon?

I said I've got a Pacifico with extra pepperoni and coconut here, which comes to 5.75, right, and there's no one here to pay for it.

Will you shut up?

Who am I talking to?

[Mac] Hold it!

You order a pizza?

Yeah.

5.75, then.

He did.

Hm.

Pork and beans?

Blade of pork and haricot beans.

Blade of pork.

Nice cheap cut.

Yeah, well, I'm skint, aren't I?

Oh, until I rob me next bank.

What do you want?

I've been having a glance at your record.

My, what an interesting life you've led, Gary.

You reckon?

Mm.

I particularly enjoyed your latest exploit, the one that got you sent down.

Oh, yeah.

Yes.

You get the sack from a Knightsbridge restaurant, so you nick a set of keys and a bottle of brandy.

Then you come back in the middle of the night completely ratted, open up the restaurant, and invite all the passersby in for drinks on the house.

Then you pick a fight with them.

And by the time the police arrive, there's a full-scale riot going on.

Apparently it takes half a dozen police officers about an hour to subdue you.

Yeah, well, the head chef slagged off my mayonnaise, didn't he?

[Henry clearing throat] Fights, chases in stolen cars, drunk and disorderlies, breaches of the peace.

There's even a case of public nudity.

You know, looking at your record reminded me of one of the more lurid Jacobean tragedies.

It's alcohol, okay?

I've got a problem.

Every time I have a drink, I-I turn into someone else.

Jekyll and Hyde sort of thing?

Right.

But I haven't had a drink in 14 months.

So this is the nice you I'm talking to.

Right.

Is that it?

-You finished?

-Not quite.

How did you get this?

That doesn't matter.

What does matter is that you can't afford to be seen in company like that.

No, I know.

I mean, that's why I didn't take the job.

Job?

Yeah, making pizzas.

A friend of mine said that this Digwell guy was looking for a pizza chef.

So we meet.

We went 'round to the restaurant.

It didn't take me long to suss he was at it.

"Thanks, but no thanks," I said, and off I went.

At it?

At what?

You already know that, don't you?

I mean, that's why you're taking photographs.

I'd like to hear it from you.

I want you to consider, Gary, that this is one of those really important, "this could change your life" sort of moments.

It's drugs, isn't it?

Grass, whizz, E, whatever you want.

You phone up, use the code, and get it delivered.

If you spend over 30 quid, the pizza's free.

I see.

Thank you.

Now, are you gonna let me try the pork and beans or not?

See, all the stuff they need to make pizzas with is delivered by outside suppliers.

They don't even make their own bases.

That's right.

The van comes 'round twice a week.

So why does Digwell schlep 'round his own pizza bases?

Of course.

That's when they bring the drugs 'round.

But when?

I mean, some days he turns up empty-handed.

There's no pattern.

My guess would be Saturday.

Big demand for the weekend.

"Don't bother cooking, darling.

I'll just phone for a pizza and a gram of amphetamine sulphate."

Tomorrow is Saturday, Cambridge.

Mm.

And I thought this investigation was over.

No, Mr. Fisher said close down the O.P.

Doesn't mean to say we can't park outside it for a couple of hours.

Chief Inspector Smeddley has just left the building.

God, that means I've missed another tactical-review meeting.

Oh, hello, Henry.

God, I'm tired.

How did it go with the local mafia?

The Chamber of Commerce meeting went very well, thank you.

Margaret, uh, can I talk to you, please?

Oh, Henry, I'm going to bed.

I'm exhausted.

Margaret, will you sit down, because I want to speak to you.

Now, mail order.

-Ah, yes.

-Ah!

You see, one of the things I enjoy about being in that kitchen is cooking food for people who are actually present.

See, there I am cooking away, and here they are, eating away.

And one of the things I like about a busy restaurant full of people tucking into their food is the sound of sort of a constant hum in the background, you see, like static.

And that is the sound of people enjoying themselves.

Yes, I know.

Standing in front of an industrial oven, turning out pies by the truckload so that they can be bunged in the post is no substitute, and I will not do it.

So, if this restaurant has to stay shut, then we'll just go back to the way we were, which is to say, I will cook delicious meals for the two of us which you will fail to appreciate.

I just wanted to share that with you so there can be absolutely no misunderstandings.

[Henry sighing] Have you finished?

Can I speak?

Yes.

Well, as a matter of fact, before you launched into that diatribe, I was going to apologize to you for the way I've been banging on these past few days.

No, you weren't.

You were going to bed.

Well, tomorrow, then.

A likely story.

No, really, Henry.

I mean it.

I am sorry.

I honestly hope that we don't lose the restaurant because, believe it or not, I enjoy it, too.

It's just I worry about our finances, and when I worry, I get tetchy.

Look, I've worked out what to cook for the teenage bank manager.

I've gone for some serious economy, and I've worked it out to the nearest penny.

See?

Not bad, eh?

Oh, very good, Henry.

That's very impressive.

Now I really must go to bed.

I won't be long.

I do appreciate your cooking, Henry.

That fish pie thing the other day, for instance.

You mean the casserole?

Yes, the fish casserole.

It was marvelous.

You mean, the chicken casserole?

Yes, that's the one.

Marvelous!

Night-night, Margaret.

[Henry sighing] [Macnab] Here he comes.

I want him with the stuff in his car or on his person, Sergeant.

Sir.

Carry those in for me, lads.

I'll take those, Mr. Digwell.

You just can't get the staff these days, can you, Mr. Digwell?

Oh, you make a wicked pizza with those, eh, Tel?

I'm arresting you on suspicion of-- [horn honking] Look out!

[horn honking] [tires screeching] [truck beeping] [horns honking] [siren wailing] Nice work, guv.

Oi!

This is a one-way street, chum.

Oh, it's you, Crabbe.

Hello, Henderson.

I'm glad I bumped into you.

There's a rumor going around that you're shutting Pie in the Sky.

-Is that right?

-I'm not sure yet.

Which reminds me, I need a few things on Monday.

New potatoes, King Edwards, and fresh garden peas.

Ooh, I've got some lovely spuds in the back now, if you're interested.

I don't think this is the ideal time, Henderson, public relations-wise.

[horns honking] I'll call 'round first thing Monday.

-Hello.

-Hello.

Hello, Nicola.

This is Gary.

He'll be working with me today.

And this is what we're going to give the teenage bank manager for lunch.

You want to taste the beurre blanc?

Mm.

It's good.

[door opening] He's here.

Nicola, off you go.

I can't stop long, you know.

Uh, um, champagne, Mr. Humphrey?

God, no.

I never drink at lunchtime.

Oh, Darren, please.

Just to show you've forgiven me for my appalling behavior the other day.

Well, as you've poured it.

But I've got a big meeting at three.

Darren, just relax and enjoy your lunch.

Okay.

It's potato pancake with a soft poached egg, shavings of crispy bacon, chopped fresh chives, and a beurre blanc sauce, which is made with shallots, butter, and white-wine vinegar.

Potato pancake, huh?

That's a new one on me.

Glass of Chablis?

Mmm.

Now you come to mention it, I'm a bit peckish.

Well, starters went down a bomb.

Main course is ready.

Here he is, the man himself!

All right, Henry?

Yeah, I'm all right, thank you, Darren.

Um, a glass of Burgundy, perhaps?

Oh, just half a glass for me.

Fantastic fries.

Ah, I thought you might appreciate them.

Would you like me to tell you about the pie?

[Darren and Margaret laughing] Darren's just been telling me this really funny story about a tax inspector.

That's nice.

Now, this particular pie is filled with ox kidneys and rump steak marinated-- Henry.

So, what did he say next?

He said, "How dare you?

Those are my expenses."

[both laughing] You wouldn't believe it.

They're telling jokes about capital-gains tax.

Right.

Time to wheel out the rice pudding and the homemade raspberry jam.

Fantastic.

You might be interested in this.

We've costed this meal that you've just eaten.

The whole thing comes to three pounds and three pence exactly.

Not bad, eh?

Fantastic.

So, Darren, how about ever such a brief chat about that bank loan?

Any danger of some more pudding wine?

What's happening now?

They're still talking.

No, wait a minute.

They're standing up.

They're shaking hands.

[sighing] It's over.

[Henry sighing] Thank you.

Well done, Margaret.

Oh, it was the food that did it.

Did you see him eat?

[laughing] Sorry.

Look, Gary, when we reopen, we could try out your pork and beans recipe on the lunch menu, eh?

Cheers.

Good work, Crabbe.

Digwell and four accomplices arrested and charged.

It's gonna make the clear-up rate look damn good, and the public do love to see drug dealers going down.

It's excellent work.

Can I just say, sir, it was D.S.

Cambridge's persistence that brought about these arrests?

Mind you, Chief Superintendent Smeddley wants to know why you lot were swanning around Barstock High Street on Saturday without letting him know.

I'll take full responsibility for that, sir.

Very noble, I'm sure.

All right, Crabbe, that's all.

Oh, um, I thought you ought to know, sir.

I'm seeing the police surgeon next week.

About taking early retirement.

He's a good man, Derek.

Derek?

Derek Milner, the police surgeon.

I play golf with him.

In fact, I played golf with him yesterday.

I think I ought to warn you there's a rethink underway about this early retirement on full pensions business.

You know, the famous bad-back syndrome.

It's a terrific drain on the pension fund, for a start.

I was shot, sir.

Oh, come off it, Crabbe.

A flesh wound in the leg two years ago?

I don't want to preempt the police surgeon, but the question is, are you capable of fulfilling your duties?

It does rather look as though you are.

Doesn't it?

Haven't you seen this?

No.

I thought it was about time you got some credit.

Here you are.

Have it framed.

Hang it up in your cafe.

No.

No, thank you, sir.

Cheer up, Crabbe.

Only three more years.

It'll go just like that.

Can you manage on your own for a minute, Gary?

Yeah.

Pork and beans, Nicola.

So, this program you're on, it's like Alcoholics Anonymous, right?

Yeah, a bit.

I have to go to meetings.

And there are rules.

Like what?

Like you can't get into any new relationships, you know, until you're ready.

You have to stay celibate.

What, you mean you're not allowed to-- Right.

How long does that go on for, then?

[Cambridge] Evening, sir.

Oh, God, Cambridge, what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm having dinner with a friend.

And, well, I really wanted to thank you for your support on the Digwell investigation.

Not necessary.

Hear it didn't go too well with the police surgeon.

[chuckling] It was a disaster.

Apparently, I'm 100% fit.

Hello.

This is the friend I was telling you about.

Geoff Woods, Henry Crabbe.

Good to meet you.

Hello.

I'm going to have a serious talk with you, Cambridge.

I can't think what about.

-[pager beeping] -Well, I'm starving.

-Shall we eat?

-Mm-hm.

[pager beeping] Smeddley.

Just what the world needs.

Another meeting.

[Henry sighing] [theme music]