And good evening.

You've got More Than Money, you've got Gene Dickison, your host, your personal financial advisor.

And for the next half an hour, we're going to share as much information as we possibly can to help your financial picture clear up and maybe even a little bit of your heart and your spirit as well.

So I hope that you'll enjoy the next half hour as much as we enjoy bringing it to you.

These are challenging times.

We need to have courage.

We need to have some creativity.

We need to have compassion.

And, of course, a fair dose of courtesy would go a long, long way as well.

Later in the show, we're going to be answering a number of the questions, the emails that you have sent us.

Fascinating stuff.

I can't guarantee you that if you send me an email with a question that it will be on a future show.

But what I can guarantee you is that every single email is answered.

We're happy to serve you in any way that we are able.

So please send those emails to me, gene@askmtm.com.

gene@askmtm.com We're happy to serve you.

I am very happy to welcome to our More Than Money studios Loreta Woodward Veney, a fascinating young lady.

I think you will be equally fascinated with her story, not just a speaker, not just a business person, an author and a daughter.

And I think you'll see why I highlight that here momentarily.

So, Loretta, welcome to More Than Money.

- Thank you for having me.

I'm thrilled to be here.

- Oh, me too.

And I got to say, if we can just keep the camera on Loretta, keep it off of me, I think our ratings go up.

What a beautiful, beautiful smile you have.

Loretta, in 2013, you wrote a book called Being My Mom's Mom.

How did that book come to be?

- Well, my mom was diagnosed with dementia in 2006, and I knew nothing at all about Alzheimer's.

So I started writing everything down that happened and questions for the doctor and all kinds of things.

And I'd always done a lot of writing, you know, as a younger person anyway, just to track events and that kind of thing.

And I was wondering if other families were struggling the way I was with this disease.

You don't know who to call first or where to look for information.

So I was just lost.

So I decided I would do a book and help other families deal with this diagnosis and what was to come.

And the title actually came from Mom herself.

We were in a McDonald's, of all places.

I don't think my mother had ever been to a McDonald's before.

Dementia!

We were in the line and the cashier says, May I help you?

And I'm trying to let her be as independent as possible.

So I let her order her own stuff.

And what did she order?

An apple pie.

So the cashier looks at me as if to get permission.

And I say to my mom, you can have an apple pie, but you have to eat all your lunch first.

And the cashier burst into laughter.

And my mother looks right at the cashier and says, I used to be her mom and now she's mine.

So that's the title of the book.

- That's a beautiful story and a beautiful reason to have a great title for your book.

So give our audience just a sense of the kind of journey that you followed, starting with your mom's diagnosis and where she might be today.

- So after the 2006 diagnosis, she pretty much stayed in what I would call beginning stages, you know, where you forget your keys and your lunch ticket.

She lived in a non assisted living building and retirement community, so you needed a little lunch ticket or something to hand in, you know, as you went through the dining room.

And so she began to forget those kinds of things.

But she still made it to her exercise classes, which she loved.

She was a tai chi kind of expert, and she helped the instructors set up the classes and things.

And then as the years went on, about 2009, she was having trouble writing checks.

She missed a payment of her rent for the first time ever.

And so I got on the bank account right away and started to pay all the bills, started having groceries delivered so she didn't have to get out and things like that.

And right after that, right around the end of 2009, I finally had to move her to a group home, where she would be with other people , and be looked after.

She left the stove on once and that was kind of the beginning of the end for us.

And, you know, I think I waited too long to actually make that move.

So one of the things I hoped the book would do would be to let families know that as soon as you start to see the signs, you know, get the testing done and see what you need to do rather than leaving them unattended.

That can be fairly dangerous.

And so she did really well.

It's a group home.

And really I think the most frightening thing about the disease not only are some of the behavioral challenges, but the financial impact, and to help with her care, you know, I was paying at one point $1,500 a month to add to her rent at this, you know, assisted living facility.

So that was trying for a while, to say the least.

When I had a two income family, that was fabulous.

But unfortunately, my husband died in 2016, so for a while I was doing it on one income.

So I was like, ooh, and what's interesting, I think, for your listeners is we try our best to uphold the wishes of our loved ones.

And my mother always wanted to live independently.

So even though she lived in a group home, she still would tell you she lived by herself.

She paid all of her own bills.

And I'm like, uh-huh... Uh-huh!

Yes, of course you are!

And she even made us sign a document when I was a teenager that we would never make her live with us, her kids.

- Oh, my.

- So really, I am upholding her wish and people say, well, now, you know, she wouldn't have it now if you moved in with you, and that is true.

She hasn't known me since 2014, but she certainly knows my face.

So when I come in she says hi, you know, like when you go to pick up your kids in kindergarten, you know, hi!

But she has no idea who I am.

So if you ask her who's this nice person, she would just repeat, she's a very nice person.

But I have friends whose parents call them lots of other things, so I'm happy to be a very nice person.

- Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness.

Give us a sense, when you were growing up, tell us about your mom when you were growing up.

- She was just the best mom ever.

I didn't realize how expensive Legos were.

My favorite toy were Lego bricks, and she would always buy me these... Before the sets came out, where you'd make the cars and airplanes?

She just bought me the sets of bricks where you could build anything.

And my mom taught me I could be anything I wanted to be and that I could create anything I wanted to create.

And we did that and we spent hours doing that.

And she, as a single mom, she took us to all the museums.

My first job at 13 was at the Smithsonian.

I sold candy.

And we always went to every opening of an exhibit.

She took us to concerts and plays, Dance Theater of Harlem and the Alvin Ailey dancers.

And we did that every year as a family tradition and we saved money and we went to New York on vacation.

And she couldn't take us far.

But we learned something from every trip.

And my mother had one rule and one rule only, and that was you were going to graduate from college before you got married to make sure you can take care of yourself.

- That's a darn good rule - It really is!

And my sister tested that theory.

My mother won, because I think my sister got her degree one weekend and got married a few weekends later.

So my mother won.

- That works!

That works.

- She was just the best mom ever.

- Your career, you had a long career in security, you've had a long career as a business owner.

You were, forgive the phrase, a kickass woman entrepreneur before it became the cool thing to be.

Do you think the courage to do all that came from your mom?

- It absolutely did.

Without a doubt it came from her.

She would actually come when we had our security expositions and seminars, she would ride the bus.

My mother never had a driver's license.

She would ride the bus into downtown D.C. to come to the hotel, wherever we were having the event.

And when I became chairman of the D.C. chapter of this organization called ASIS International, which is the largest professional security organization in the world, she came to my sort of like swearing in.

And then I served for six years on that international board of directors, and I was the first African-American female to be elected to that board.

So she was always so proud of everything her kids did.

But I think she always knew that as long as she told us that we could be whatever, we would strive for that, and we did.

- Loretta, your commitment to being your mom's mom, turning a phrase, in 2016, that got exceptionally challenging when you lost him.

How do you cope?

In essence, in a way, you've lost your mom already, she doesn't know who you are.

And now your husband of more than 30 years is gone as well.

Where do you get the strength to continue?

- That is a good question.

And I think it, you know, kind of goes back to, you know, my mom raising us alone.

We lived in my grandparents' house.

I was born in my grandparents' house in northwest D.C. and she just put everything she had into us.

And my sister knew my father for a while, but I actually never met him.

But I think she instilled enough in us that we never quit.

What's interesting, my sister and I were nine years apart, and she died as well in 2011, and I think one of the decisions you have to make as a sort of caregiver for somebody with Alzheimer's is to decide what bad news you want to share with them and what you don't.

So, my husband and my mother were inseparable.

He drove my mother to appointments and all of that, and I could leave work and meet him at the doctor's office and do the appointment and then go back to work.

And then he would take her and they would go to lunch and shopping and all that stuff.

And so he did everything.

And my sister had M.S.

She was diagnosed the same year, in 2006, with MS as my mom's dementia.

So it was a crazy year for our family.

And my sister and my husband actually died on the same day, five years apart, July 17.

And my sister was very proud of everything I did for my mom.

I always looped her in, even though she couldn't physically help me.

We would discuss what the doctor was saying, you know, via the phone or Skype.

And I tried to include her in every decision that we made.

And I was there when she died in L.A.

I had taken her to L.A. to live with my niece because I couldn't take care of them both.

And right before she died, she gave me the thumbs up that she was so proud of me for how I had cared for our mom.

And I promised her that I would continue to do so.

So just my husband and I, we were Team Veney and then when Tim died, you're kind of like, hmm... And you have to make some smart financial decisions too.

So I ended up putting my house in a trust, so if anything happened to me, if I got Covid, who knew about Covid a couple of years ago, but I put my house in a trust for my mother, so if I got hit by a bus or Covid got me, she would still be well taken care of, living independently, as she puts it.

- You got to make those plans.

- Got to do it.

- You've mentioned the caregiver a couple of times.

You've written a book called Refreshment For The Caregiver Spirit.

And there are so many, Loreta, you have no idea how many folks are watching tonight who are in a similar, very different, sure, but a similar circumstance.

They're caring for someone, and you know, you know their struggle very, very well.

That spirit can get sapped, it can get drained.

Tell us a little bit about your book, about how to refresh the caregiver spirit.

- That's really a funny story, because the title...

It always comes back to my mom.

So the title Refreshment For The Caregiver Spirit, it is simply a book of about 150 photos that Tim and I took around the world.

And I added what I hope are motivational sayings to each of the pictures that I hope on the bad days, if it's sitting on the coffee table, the caregiver can, you know, if they fall on the couch, just exhausted, they can flip through the book and find some inspiration from some of the pictures.

The title of the book is interesting, because my mother's favorite word is refreshment.

And so wherever we would go, my mother would say, where are the refreshments?

And people would look, like, What?

Did she only come for the refreshments?

Our answer would be yes.

And if you had cookies, she would probably never leave.

And then the cover of the book is a scene from Naples, Italy, that my husband had taken.

There It is.

- Oh, very nice.

- And we had gone on this hike and he had to go down a whole lot of steps to get to where I was.

I said, Oh, it's such a beautiful view.

And he's not happy with me because now we have to walk 300 steps back up.

So he says, this better be the cover of your next book.

So he had helped me pick out pictures, but he didn't live to see the book.

You know, he died very suddenly.

And so I usually show that in my presentation, I show the picture of the hike and then I show the cover of the book, and people are like, Yay, because he won.

He did make it to the cover although he didn't live to see it.

I do get a lot of email that the inspirational sayings on the pictures really do help, you know, lift them up.

And so many people who are caregiving have a lot of siblings, but only one or two of the siblings are doing all the work and the rest of them just provide negative information.

And that's hard.

And so one of people's favorite pictures of the book is we had gone hot air ballooning in Dubai.

I had spoken in Dubai.

We did this hot air balloon ride.

And I took a picture from our balloon of the balloon in front of us.

And the phrase I put on the photo is, encourage the negative people in your life to fly away, because when you're caregiving, you can have all these negative people around you sapping your energy even more than caregiving responsibilities.

So everybody loves that.

And then I have a couple of pictures of sunrises from Egypt and some other places that are just stunning.

And I encourage people to focus on the joy of every sunrise and things like that.

So that's just... - That's a fabulous, fabulous intent.

And I applaud your mom.

Refreshment is one of my favorite words as well, not just the cookies, but the word refreshment, and especially for the spirit.

It's so uplifting.

I would encourage our entire audience, look out for Being My Mom's Mom, look out for a Refreshment For The Caregiver Spirit and help me in thanking Loreta Woodward Veney.

Loretta, thank you so much.

I have a feeling.. - Thank you, Gene, for having me.

- I think our paths are going to cross in the future as well.

- Oh, that would be great.

Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you.

God bless you and God bless your mom.

- All right, thank you so much.

- Obviously, one of the things that we like to do best is answering your emails.

Send all your emails to me, gene@askmtm.com.

They might be investment questions, retirement questions, income tax, Social Security, estate planning, the list of opportunities, the list of questions is very, very long.

We can't air every single question, but we answer every single question.

So if you need our services, please reach out, and we'll answer this question next.

Good for him!

Well, I'll give it my very, very best.

Turning that switch from working nonstop, accumulating nonstop, being financially independent and not needing to rely even on savings is for some people, apparently your husband, a challenge.

It's not often one that can be done very quickly or in some cases even very easily, spiritually, emotionally.

So we need to give him a little space, a little bit of flexibility, a little bit of time.

The other thing that we need to do is to address the "just in case" issue.

The just in case issue is, and it is for many, many people, it's not often said, the just in case issue, it's the what if we run out of money question.

What if we're 85, 95, 100 years old and we're broke?

What if question.

The answer to that can be answered if we peel off enough of the investments the two of you have managed to accumulate and provide your husband with an additional source of "you can't run out of money" income.

That's normally found under the platform of some type of annuity.

There are many types.

We're not going to go into details.

I think your eyes would glaze over.

And it's not important about all of the annuities.

It's important that the concept, the tool that we call annuities exists and it can provide you and your husband guaranteed income for as long as either of you should live.

And if we use very simple numbers, say you've saved half a million dollars, and he would be comforted, given peace of mind by pulling half of that and putting it into a guaranteed income stream off of an annuity, that would leave you the other half that you can enjoy.

He knows for a fact that between Social Securities, pensions and now this guaranteed income stream, that you and he will never run out of money.

That may give him the peace of mind to be able to relax, let go of the purse strings a bit and allow both of you to enjoy all the fruits of your hard work, his hard work, two jobs and a business venture of his own.

He has certainly earned that.

Give him a little time, a little space.

And of course, if you need additional resources, reach out to us.

Gene@askmtm.com is the email address you should use.

Let's go back and see what question's next.

Very interesting question, and it applies to so many people.

I think you might be surprised at just how many people it would apply to.

So let's paint this scenario.

This young lady, 51, has received $180,000, a very substantial sum of money, from her mom.

It does indeed drop into an inherited IRA.

That's the proper term.

She is quite correct, the new rule says that you must take that money out by the end of the tenth year following the passing of her mother.

So she has a number of options with which she can address this problem.

She could take it all out right now, age 51, pay the tax.

Not a good idea.

She could wait until ten years from now, when she's 61, take it all out in one lump sum and pay the tax.

Maybe not the best idea either.

Here's an idea that she might want to consider.

The first, a piece of comfort, she will not pay penalties.

Inherited IRA distributions are exempt from early withdrawal penalties prior to 59 and a half.

So that problem goes away.

What I might suggest that she consider, particularly if she has a job that offers her a 401(k), is to look at the 180,000, break it into roughly ten pieces, 18,000 apiece, pull that money out each year.

That's going to have a tax impact of course, but hopefully relatively small.

And use that money to fund a contribution to her 401(k).

Under the current rules, she's allowed to put away $26,000 a year into a 401(k).

If she's not able to do that right now, using this money will allow her to.

So the money will come out and it will be taxable.

But if she puts it right back into the 401(k), it is tax deductible.

One hand washes the other.

Hopefully she'll get very, very close to a zero tax impact.

And over ten years, she'll move a vast majority of that, if not all of the funds, into her 401(k) with a tax deduction, growing tax sheltered, and it will fund her retirement when she needs it rather than burdening her now when she doesn't.

I hope that works out very well for her.

gene@askmtm.com That's the email our next emailer has used.

Wait a minute.

Is this my daughter?

No pressure.

Goodness gracious.

She's quite right.

I have three daughters.

I'm proud of every single one of them.

They are tremendous.

So let's talk college.

I was the first person in my family to ever attend college.

Pretty amazing.

And now that's just really, really common in our family, really common across the country.

Is it a requirement for a happy, healthy, successful life and career?

The answer's no.

Talking father to father, I would say two things.

Number one, if your daughter has a passion for business, let her follow her passion.

Far better for her to be very happy and challenged in a business than to be very unhappy and unchallenged in school, particularly with the cost of school these days.

To spend that kind of money for an unfortunate or an unhappy experience makes no sense whatsoever.

Secondly, your daughter may find out, even though at 20 she's quite confident, she understands how very difficult, challenging, how very hard it is to be a business owner.

It may be a short period of time where she raises her hand and says, I think I'll be going back to college now, Dad.

So don't give up hope for her education, but give her the space and the freedom to explore.

Education comes in lots of different forms.

It might be going back to college.

It might be her going online.

It might be her getting a certification in her chosen business, the business of her choice.

It could be all of those put together.

But allow your daughter the freedom.

She sounds terrific.

Allow your daughter the freedom to make those choices that best fit her, support her along the way, love her along the way.

Let her know how much you respect and appreciate the choices that she's making.

And I guarantee you that whether her business soars like an eagle or crashes and burns, it will be a powerful educational experience for her.

She will acquire skills that she did not know that she had.

She will acquire confidence and experience.

She will be a different person having tried that, whether it succeeds or not.

So please allow her that opportunity to broaden her experience, gain her education as a young entrepreneur, and I think over the long haul, whether she gets her college degree or not, she'll still be an incredibly well-educated young lady.

Folks, we just have a moment or so left in this edition of More Than Money, I want to thank again Loreta Woodward Veney.

What a story, what a story, what challenges she's faced.

And you saw what a brilliant smile, what an engaging spirit, and how refreshing that really was to hear her story.

I hope that you'll pick up her books, Being My Mom's Mom and Refreshment For The Caregiver Spirit.

I think you'll find both of those to be really valuable if you have questions for me, investments, income taxes, estate planning or business, it doesn't really matter how they're all mixed together, send this to me by your email, gene@askmtm.com.

Again, we don't promise that every question will be live on air, but we do promise that we answer every single question from our More Than Money world headquarters in the holy lands between Bethlehem and Nazareth.

And happy to serve you.

Thanks for spending part of your evening with us.

We'll see you next time right here on More Than Money.