(dramatic music) (dramatic music) (gentle music) >> Man: Not a bad writer.

>> Man: You think so?

>> Mm-hm.

Good style, nice imagination.

I think he's a very talented man.

>> Well, thank you very much.

>> Oh, it's nothing really.

There's Room B, Room A.

Wonder where Room E is?

>> How should I know?

>> Are you going to the Waterbury lecture?

>> No, I'm not.

>> Let's find out where she's going.

(suspenseful music) >> Oh.

>> Excuse me.

>> I'm sorry.

Where's the Waterbury lecture?

Do you know?

>> Aren't you Owen Waterbury?

>> Yes, I am.

How do you do?

>> Follow me.

>> Where are you taking us?

>> Room E. >> Are you a student or a teacher?

>> I'm a student.

>> Oh.

Advanced or beginner?

>> What do I look like?

>> Well, you look very advanced to me.

>> Ah, Mr. Waterbury.

Good evening.

>> How do you do, Mr. Kilbride?

>> You're right on time.

>> We almost didn't get here.

I was doing his laundry and we had to wait for it to dry.

His, underwear is still wet.

>> I brought a friend.

Mr. Ronnie Hastings.

>> Oh.

Oh.

How do you do, Mr. Hastings?

>> How do you do?

>> Let me get you a chair.

>> No, no, no.

Never mind.

I'll, I'll sit in the bleachers.

(people chattering) Hello.

>> Hello.

>> You, you going to be a writer, too?

>> I hope to be someday.

>> Well, this lecture should help you a great deal.

>> He's a great writer, isn't he?

>> Oh yes.

Of course, he gets most of his ideas from me.

>> Excuse me.

>> Yes?

>> You're sitting in my seat.

>> Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

>> Good evening, Miss Gaylord.

>> Hello, Mr. Scott.

>> Anybody sitting here?

>> Yes.

Clarence Henderson, but he's out sick tonight.

>> Well then, why did you make me move?

>> Oh, Clarence and I don't speak.

>> Oh, well.

>> Attention, class.

As I promised you, our guest speaker tonight will be none other than Owen Waterbury, author of the new bestseller, Last Year's Love.

Mr. Waterbury.

(audience applauding) >> Oh, louder, louder!

(man clapping) That's enough.

>> I understand that most of you hold all sorts of jobs during the day, and yet you've been studying the technique of writing the in the evening.

Now, you're ready to take your pen in hand and then go out and conquer the world.

You know, I'm hardly the person to tell you how to write because I don't follow any rules.

Today, the writer is asked to keep one eye on the bestseller list, the other on art.

That's divided loyalty, and that makes for dishonesty.

I must confess, I have been guilty of this dishonesty, too, but now that I've made my position secure, I want to try to write a really good book.

No more bestsellers, but something that I hope will be a piece of great writing.

You know, good writing, fine writing is here and here.

The dictionary is filled with all the words you need, but unless the mind and the heart find those words for you, you better leave them in the dictionary.

>> He's so brilliant.

>> Shh.

>> Shh.

>> Because a writer fundamentally must believe in himself.

That's half the battle.

I'd, like to interrupt my little talk for a moment to say that I'm going to be in a position to help somebody here in this class.

Beginning tomorrow, I'm going to need a secretary.

I've already placed the request with the university placement, bureau and man or woman, whoever qualifies, will get the job.

>> Man: That's very nice of you, Mr. Waterbury.

>> Owen: Well, it's not a big job, but the surroundings will be wholesome, and you'll be able to serve your apprenticeship under someone who's already established.

Well, so much for that.

I remember when I wrote my first novel.

Took a lot of work.

I starved, lived in a little back room, all the while consoling myself that I was going to be another, >> Man: So you're really going to work for Owen Waterbury?

>> Well, I, I was offered the job by his personnel manager.

>> I've heard a lot of weird stories about Owen Waterbury.

>> Oh, you hear weird stories about any famous person.

Why, last night, his talk was actually inspiring.

>> Steve, do you realize you've been here five years?

>> Well, isn't that a, a little too long for anyone with my ambition?

>> Where does Mr. Waterbury do his work?

>> Well, his personnel manager said in his apartment.

>> Apartment?

>> Well, you can't expect a writer to work in an office, Mr. Harris.

I want to write, and I think he can show me how.

Who knows?

After a year with him, I, I might even be autographing copies of my own book in, in one of your bookstores.

>> By taking a course in Owen Waterbury?

>> And getting paid for it at the same time.

>> I'm going to miss you, Steve.

>> Oh, no you won't.

After a week, you won't even know I've gone.

>> Not true, but good luck anyway.

>> Well, I could make a big speech, but I think you know how I feel about everything.

You've been wonderful to me.

>> I understand.

>> Harris: Steve.

>> Yes?

>> Call me sometime, will you?

We'd like to know how you're getting on.

>> I'll call you tonight after I get the job.

>> Why don't you watch where you're parking?

>> Well, you can back up, can't you?

You've got a reverse.

>> Never mind, Bill.

Just save your energy for upstairs.

>> Smart guy.

>> Hand me the bag, Bill.

>> Yes ma'am.

I'll take it upstairs for you, ma'am.

Anything drives a cab these days.

>> Apartment 3E.

>> Thank you.

Now just remember, Bill, if he says one word that's out of line, just one word, I want you to bop him right on the jaw.

>> They might take my license away.

>> Not for protecting a lady.

Well come on, in or out, in or out.

>> You know, I hit pretty hard.

>> The harder the better.

>> Is he a big guy?

>> Six feet of bluff.

>> I'll cut him down.

I didn't get this nose for nothin.

Are you sure he can't fight?

>> He's a writer.

>> Writer?

Writer?

(door knocks) >> Now remember, if he just so much as opens his mouth, >> Don't worry.

I'll shut it up.

I got a bigger mouth than he's got.

>> I've come for my things.

>> And what the objection?

>> Evidently, he has none.

Follow me, Bill.

Now then, I want you to take all the things out of that drawer and put them into that bag.

>> Yes, ma'am.

>> No, no, no.

Not the drawer, just the things.

>> Oh, come in.

Come in.

Come right in.

That's right.

that's Mr. Waterbury's former secretary.

She quit this morning.

Won't you sit down?

>> This is my mink, and how.

>> Mr. Waterbury gave that to her as a Christmas bonus.

>> My typewriter.

>> Well, that was sort of a New Year's bonus.

>> My (speaking in foreign language).

>> she brought her own, (speaking in foreign language).

>> My pot.

>> She, she cooked once in a while.

>> My Bourbon.

>> She, drank a little.

>> My cigarette box.

>> She smoked, too.

>> My lipstick.

>> Shall we adjourn to the library?

>> Your frankfurters.

Goodbye, Mr. Waterbury.

>> Good thing you didn't open your mouth.

Thank you.

>> Come along, Bill.

Don't bother with your inferiors.

>> And now, Miss, what can I do for you?

>> This, this is your new secretary.

>> Oh yes.

You're from the Kilbride School.

>> Yes, I am.

>> Say, look at that.

She knocked over a bottle of ink all over the carpet, and it's going to be hard to get out, too.

>> Oh, would you try cleaning it up please, Mary?

>> Not me.

The landlady says I'm not to clean up any more messes, just do my regular work and get out of here.

>> Excuse me.

>> Would you like some help?

>> Oh, thank you very much.

>> Say, you're going to work out fine.

>> Here, Ronnie.

I'm an expert at this sort of thing.

>> He sure is.

He cleans up about six of 'em a month.

>> I'll need a cloth and some rug shampoo.

>> This is the stuff you've even using lately.

>> Here.

This is a woman's job.

>> It was a woman who did it.

>> It was an accident.

>> You better not let the landlady see that.

She'll add $100 for damages to your rent.

That's more than last month.

>> I got some on my dress.

>> Oh, I'm, oh, look.

Why don't you work on the rug and I'll work on your dress?

>> Why don't you two work on the rug and I'll work on her dress?

>> I'll work on my dress.

>> I'll work on the kitchen.

>> Do you like hot dogs?

>> Occasionally, yes.

>> Fine.

We'll have them for lunch, and for dinner, we'll have steak.

>> Lunch?

Dinner?

Why, I haven't even been interviewed yet.

>> What's your name?

>> Stephanie Gaylord.

>> What do your friends call you?

>> Steve.

>> Oh, that settles it.

I think she should be hired.

How are you on shorthand?

>> 120 words a minute.

>> You do laundry?

>> My own, generally.

>> Well, you're going to have to learn to do silk shirts, 120 a minute.

>> I'll do the cooking and eating.

>> Do you live here too?

>> No, I live next door.

>> But he hasn't been there since July.

>> That's because I have no kitchen.

>> See, we share our kitchen on a cooperative basis.

He cooks and he eats.

(Ronnie laughs) >> You know, Owen and I went to school together.

I was in kindergarten and he was in the eighth grade.

>> And I went to high school, and he was still in kindergarten.

>> And then I studied piano and became a character in every Waterbury book.

>> And what were you in Last Year's Love?

>> I was the chorus girl who studied piano and was very bitter about the world.

>> Where'd you work before?

>> Who, me?

>> I was secretary to Charles Harris.

He, he owns the Harris bookstores all over the country.

>> And how is Mr. Waterbury's latest novel doing?

>> Second only to the Bible.

>> Oh, he won't like that.

You married, Steve?

>> No, I'm not.

>> Please, Ronnie.

I'm not interested in whether or not Miss Gaylord is married.

>> Oh no.

(Ronnie chuckles) (Ronnie sniffs) My biscuits are burning.

>> I've, I've had married secretaries before, and, well, their husbands were a little troublesome.

>> They were murder.

His working hours are very peculiar.

(kitchen clattering) >> Well, I think we've done a good job.

>> I had such a different impression of what this job would be like.

>> Oh, today was an unusual day, but after this, there'll be no more distractions.

(door knocks) >> Ronnie: I'll go.

>> We're going to work in an atmosphere of dignity and culture.

>> It's your bookmaker.

Mary!

That man's here again.

>> I heard you.

How much do I owe this time?

>> $11.

>> Don't you give me no more of your tips.

>> That horse will come in next time out.

>> Next time out he'll be dragging a load of ice.

>> Well, what do we owe you?

>> $278 for Owen and $1 for you.

>> Excuse me.

>> Here you are.

I'll have to owe you mine until next week.

>> You want to wager today?

>> Well, I haven't looked them over yet but I'll give you a call.

>> No more 50 cent bets.

The boss don't like 'em.

>> Where was I?

>> You were telling me that everything here was dignified and cultural.

>> Oh yes.

Now Steve, about your other duties.

(door knocks) >> Ronnie: I'll go.

>> Did you just have an interview with my daughter, Mary Hastings, about a secretarial job?

>> Why yes.

(hand smacks) >> I have a message for you.

>> What's the message?

(hand smacks) >> Mr. Waterbury, I don't think I want this job.

>> Oh, why not?

>> Well, when you spoke at class last evening, why, everything seemed so, so refreshing, and when I read your novels, they,they were filled with such quality and high purpose, and I'm afraid all that's spoiled now, so no harsh words, no hard feelings, just, just get somebody else.

>> Well, if that's the way you feel, Miss Gaylord.

>> Are you walking out on Owen Waterbury?

>> Don't beg the girl to work for me, Ronnie.

Just call the agency and get another girl.

>> Now you know you don't mean that.

We both like this one.

>> Are you going to let me out of here or do I have to call the police?

(door knocks) >> They're here already.

>> I came for the rent.

>> Mrs. Reeves, I just mailed you a check this morning.

>> Oh, you always do that knowing full well that I only live downstairs.

Any, damage this month?

>> Oh, it's been a very, very uneventful month.

>> Oh, the carpet again.

Mercy!

This fish belongs here, and this duck up here.

You throw the whole room out of contour.

>> Mrs. Reeves, if you'll excuse me, >> I heard some screaming just outside the door.

New secretary?

>> Well yes, yes.

>> You being hired or fired?

>> Miss Gaylord has just been engaged.

>> Oh, too bad, Mr. Waterbury, because somebody moved in the apartment upstairs would just fill your every requirement.

>> Well unfortunately, Mrs. Reeves, the job has just been filled.

>> Well, I want you to meet her anyway.

Felicia?

>> Coming, Mrs. Reeves.

(gentle music) >> Felicia Adams, I want you to meet the famous Owen Waterbury.

>> How do you do?

>> Him.

>> How do you do?

>> How do you do?

>> Felicia came to California to get into the movies.

Now, who does she remind you of?

>> Oh now don't tell me, let me guess.

Zazou Pitts.

>> Oh.

Course not.

Felicia, in addition to being a secretary, is a very good actress, aren't you, dear?

Now take off your coat.

Let them see.

>> She's got a lot of talent there.

>> I thought you'd think so.

>> I was a model back in Texas, but I came out here for a career.

Daddy's financing me.

>> A friend of yours?

>> No.

My father.

>> Perhaps Felicia could play the heroine in your next novel when it's made into a movie.

>> She could do that.

>> What's the heroine like?

>> It's a girl from the south.

>> Why, I'm from the south.

>> How perfectly coincidental.

>> She's trying to hook a rich man, she's insincere and a moron.

What's worrying you?

>> I'm not so worried about being insincere, but as for being a moron, >> Now don't worry about that.

>> You could act like a moron, couldn't you, dear?

>> I could try.

Oh, I'm going to dramatic school.

Maybe they can teach me to be a moron.

>> If you studied hard enough, yes.

>> It'd take a lot of work.

>> Look, Mrs. Reeves, I haven't even started my novel yet, and it doesn't look as if I'm going to if I'm continually interrupted.

>> Well, we'll leave and let you work.

Oh, Ronnie, I'm having a party for 50 guests tonight and I'm expecting you to entertain for us at nine.

>> Is it informal or shall I bathe?

>> If you don't care to entertain at my parties, pay your rent.

(Ronnie chuckles) Well, I'm off to the horse show.

>> You haven't got a chance.

(Reeve laughs) >> You know, ever since her husband died and left her seven buildings, she's been a peeping Tom.

Now come on, Steve, let's you and I prepare lunch.

>> Look, I stayed only because I, I didn't want to cause a scene in front of your landlady, but I'm really leaving now.

>> What an idea.

What an idea.

Take this down.

>> Well come on, take it down.

Get your, well, where's your pad?

>> Well, I, >> Well, you've got to have a pad.

You can't start a job like this without a pad.

(frantic music) >> You should always have a pad or pencil.

(frantic music) (both yelling) >> I need a pencil.

>> Pencil!

>> Pencil, pencil, wait, I've got a pencil.

>> Call this Notes On My New Novel.

That's all for now, tomorrow morning at 10 o'clock.

(dramatic music) >> He's incubating.

He's incubating at last.

Come along.

>> Does he always start a new novel like this?

>> Yes, yes, always.

I remember on Last Year's Love, I was baking a cake.

All of a sudden, he called me out and I had to start taking dictation, and I couldn't go back until he was through dictating.

At three o'clock in the morning, we sat down to chocolate covered ashes.

>> Oh.

Well I'll, I'll see you at 10 o'clock in the morning.

(phone rings) >> Hello?

>> Hello, Steve.

I couldn't wait for you to call me, so I'm calling you.

How was the job?

>> Well, I, I have to make an adjustment, you know.

It's, it's such an unusual kind of a job.

>> I can imagine.

>> He, he started his novel today.

>> Oh?

Interesting story?

>> Well, he didn't get very far into it, but, but I'm sure it's going to be wonderful.

He, he seemed so excited about it.

>> Look, Steve.

Let's have dinner one night this week.

>> Well, I'll call you the first night I have free.

(dramatic music) (door knocks) >> Good morning.

>> Good morning.

>> Well, you're bright and early this morning.

>> It's 10 o'clock.

(Ronnie chuckles) >> Say, did you ever think how you'd look in mink?

I see you've got your pad.

Keep your pencil poised.

The genius is still dressing.

I'm making potato pancakes for lunch and he's in a sour cream mood today.

if you need anything ironed, I'll be in the kitchen ironing.

>> Well, I, I.

>> Good morning, Steve.

>> Good morning, sir.

>> Ronnie: Ah, right on time.

>> Let's see.

Where did I leave off yesterday?

>> Notes on my new novel.

>> Yeah.

(door knocks) >> Ronnie: I'll go.

(dramatic music) >> Hello.

>> Hello.

>> Hello.

>> Hello.

>> Hello.

>> Hello.

>> Hello.

>> Hello.

>> Now, where'd I leave off?

>> Notes on my new novel.

>> Oh yes.

Make that notes on my new novel by Owen Waterbury.

>> That's good.

Oh, that's real good.

Don't you think that's good?

>> Oh, I like that.

>> Chapter one.

General introduction of characters.

Chapter two.

I'll do chapter two tomorrow.

>> Chapter a day.

That's swell.

You sure you're not tired?

>> Miss Gaylord, you stay here and answer the telephone.

I, I'm going to the beach for some salt air.

>> Well be sure you don't bring any home with you.

>> Right, boy.

>> Let's drive someplace nice like Santa Barbara.

>> Well, honey, anything you say.

>> Don't pay any attention to him.

He's just trying to make you jealous.

>> Jealous?

Well, what makes you think I'm, I'm even interested in him?

>> You know, for a secretary who's just been given the day off, you're awfully annoyed.

>> Annoyed?

Course I'm annoyed.

I just don't want to sit here doing nothing.

I came here to work.

>> I came here to do nothing and now I'm working.

Look, if you get paid for idleness, grab it, you fool.

(Ronnie sniffs) There goes another one!

>> Look.

I'd like to ask you a question.

>> Yes?

>> Does Mr. Waterbury intend to write a book?

>> That's a very interesting question.

Waterbury's a genius.

What do you think he's doing right now?

>> Incubating.

>> Exactly.

And whenever he goes through a mood like this, a great book comes out of it.

>> I'll bet he does a lot of writing tonight.

>> Why honey, you're jealous.

>> Look, I don't even know Mr. Waterbury.

At this point, I'm not even sure I want to.

>> Of course not, honey.

Say, can you tell me what I'm doing wrong?

>> Everything.

Here, let me have it.

How can you get so many wrinkles in it?

>> Well, he's tried 16 laundries but he still likes my work best.

These are good shirts.

>> Were good shirts.

You know, I just thought of something.

>> What?

>> I must be going out of my mind.

>> Why?

>> Well, I went to night school for a whole year to learn to be a writer, and here I am doing a guy's laundry.

Oh!

>> It's not done yet.

(type writer clicking) (phone rings) >> Hello?

>> Miss Gaylord?

This is Owen Waterbury.

I want you to be here tomorrow morning at nine o'clock.

I've finally gotten the idea.

Thank you.

>> You know, Owen, I like that idea.

>> Yeah?

>> I don't think there's a horse in there that can beat him.

>> Never.

(suspenseful music) (door knocks) >> Morning.

>> Morning.

>> Oh, leave your coat on, Steve.

The taxi will be here in just a minute.

>> Got a fare for her?

>> Well, she can use mine.

>> Where are we going?

>> To the races.

>> The races?

>> Haven't you ever been?

>> Never in my life.

>> Swell.

Always lucky the first time.

Come on.

>> What about that idea you had?

>> Oh, that can wait 'til after the third race.

Look, I've got a horse.

>> Look, Mr. Waterbury.

I don't think I ought to go along.

>> Say, are you complaining about being paid to go to the races?

Come on!

(dramatic music) (crowd yelling) >> What happened?

>> Well, last time I take those guys' tips.

>> Well, so far, this job has cost me $83.

>> Now don't worry.

I'll see as you get that back.

>> Why should you?

I gambled and I lost.

>> Well, losing's good for the soul.

>> We have the three best souls in town.

(suspenseful music) (door knocks) Good morning.

>> Morning.

>> Oh, leave your coat on, Steve.

The plane leaves in 35 minutes.

>> Plane?

Where are you going?

>> Las Vegas, and get back your $83.

>> Las Vegas?

I can't go to Las Vegas with you.

>> Well, are you objecting to being paid while working?

>> Paid?

I don't think I can afford to work for you much longer, Mr. Waterbury.

>> Oh Steve, it only takes an hour and a half to fly.

>> If we catch the evening plane back, you're home in time for dinner.

>> With tons of money.

>> No, I won't.

No, I just won't, no.

Please, please put me down.

I'm not going to Las Vegas with you.

(upbeat music) >> Hey there.

>> Seven, you lose.

>> Oh.

Right here, right here.

>> No dollar bets here.

Where do you think you are, Los Angeles?

>> Hit the road.

Hit the road.

>> Come on, baby, here we go.

Come on.

Hey!

>> Man: Oh, the easy way.

>> What is your point?

>> Man: Pardon me.

>> Four the hard way.

>> Man: Hard way four.

>> Come on, baby, here it comes.

Here she is, four.

>> Man: Seven, you lose.

>> Man: Seven, you lose.

>> Standing on my right again, huh?

>> When are we leaving, Mr. Waterbury?

>> Leaving?

I'm stuck 3,000.

>> But you said we'd catch the midnight plane.

>> There'll be another plane at two, darling.

(men chattering) >> I thought working for a writer was going to be so uplifting.

>> Man: Craps, you lose.

>> See what you did?

>> But I, I didn't do anything.

>> She didn't mean it?

>> What are you grinning about?

>> I'm betting on craps.

>> Everything was going to be so intellectual.

>> Man: Craps again.

>> Are you doing that on purpose?

>> What did I do?

>> You're doing all right, honey.

>> What's her point?

>> Her point is craps.

>> Can't you make anything but craps?

>> I was going to meet only literary people.

>> Man: Craps.

(people chattering) >> Man: Never saw that before.

>> Don't make any more craps.

Understand?

>> I'll tell him when he comes in.

>> Keep your mind on the dice.

Put this all on 17.

>> You know, I'm writing a novel too, Mr. Waterbury.

>> It'll be a honey, a two and a one.

(people chattering) >> What's wrong?

>> Keep your mind on the dice when you roll them.

>> How dare you speak to me like that?

Just for that, you roll your own dice.

>> Man: Craps again.

>> Baby doll, I'm rich.

Come on, bring it in.

Over here.

>> All that money.

>> Miss Gaylord.

Steve, where are you going?

>> I'm going home, and I never want to see you again.

You're a fraud, Mr. Waterbury, a cheap, egotistical fraud, and your whole existence is something I want no part of.

I'm sorry I even met you because you've spoiled something for me.

You've spoiled my impression of Owen Waterbury, the writer.

>> Steve, look, you, you can't go home alone.

I'll take you home.

Steve, please sit down, will you?

I want to talk to you.

Please.

Steve, honestly, this gambling, it's an insidious thing.

It changes a person.

I, I'm really terribly sorry.

>> Well then, why don't you put a stop to all of this and get down to work?

>> I guess I'm afraid.

>> Afraid of what?

>> I'm afraid I'm not the great writer I started out to be.

Instead, I'm just a commercial hack.

>> Oh, no you're not.

Didn't you see how everyone at the university treated you with awe and respect?

Why don't you write another love story?

>> I'd be going backwards.

>> Backwards?

Stick to your last.

You know, the story of the clown who always wanted to play Hamlet.

If you keep telling yourself you're a failure, you'll be one.

>> If I try another love story, will you work for me?

>> If you work, I'll work for you.

>> Thank you.

>> I'm poor again.

I just switched to sevens.

(dramatic music) (door knocks) Door's open!

Come on in.

>> Hiya, Steve.

No, no, keep your coat on.

I'll tell you why.

The taxi's going to be here in just one minute.

>> What?

>> Oh, don't worry.

We're going to work, but let's do it at the beach house, huh?

>> He's superstitious, honey.

He starts all his novels at the beach house.

>> But why the beach house?

>> Did you like Last Year's Love?

>> Very much.

>> Well, most of Last Year's Love was done down there.

>> Shall I take the typewriter?

>> It'd be a nice idea.

>> Ronnie, will you stop teasing the girl?

I'll be dictating today.

Come on, Steve.

(dramatic music) >> Owen: I'll dictate this in outline form and then I'll polish it up later.

>> Steve: Yes, Mr. Waterbury.

>> This is the story of a successful novelist who began to die, morally and spiritually, until a girl came into his life, and then the whole world seemed changed.

He'd seen her one night while delivering a lecture to a short story class.

There were so many faces looming up in front of him, but he saw only one, hers.

Wistful, delicate, exquisitely beautiful.

Without her knowledge, he arranged to make her his secretary because in that fleeting moment, in that single instant, he knew he was desperately in love with her.

One day, he asked her to go to his beach house and work there because he, he wanted very much to tell her the way he felt, but he lacked the courage.

>> Mr. Waterbury, I-- >> Miss Gaylord, when I'm working, I don't like to be disturbed.

>> Sorry.

>> where was I?

>> He wanted very much to tell her how he felt but he lacked the courage.

>> Oh.

Oh yes.

Now here she was, seated before him, tender and fragile as a pawn.

He had looked around a corridor corner and there she was.

>> Oh.

>> What's the matter?

>> Oh, I, broke my pencil.

>> Here you are.

Let's continue?

He, he was tempted to take her up in his arms and sweep her to the summit, but he didn't dare.

He knew very little about her, yet there was nothing else he needed to know.

As he strode up and down the room dictating, he, he looked toward a polka necktie, what's the matter with you?

>> Nothing.

>> Oh.

where was I?

>> Polka dot necktie.

>> Oh.

Polka dot necktie.

He, he was impressed by the loveliness of her hair, her soft, blue eyes, her delicate mouth, a breathing, living thing that made him exalted and inspired.

He wanted to take her in his arms and smother her with kisses and drown himself in the beauty of her soul, but he was a coward.

How do you like it?

>> It, it has possibilities.

>> Suddenly, he threw caution to the wind, leaned over and kissed her.

She melted in his arms and offered no resistance.

Wordlessly, they held one another in silent embrace.

Oops!

>> You've got the wrong girl, Mr. Waterbury.

I'm really leaving you this time, and don't you ever try and get in touch with me again.

I don't even want my salary check.

You can save it for the next victim.

And if I ever see one of your books again, I'll burn it!

(door bangs) (phone ringing) >> Hello?

>> Well hello, son.

I just thought I'd call you and let you know I made dinner for the three of us, and ask Steve if she likes popovers.

>> Steve's just quit.

Yeah.

I'm dictating a harmless little scene.

Suddenly she takes offense, slams me on the couch with a hammer lock, and walks out.

Is she insane?

>> Well, I'll call the agency and get them to send over another girl.

I better get one who likes broiled chicken because that's what we have for dinner.

>> Don't call anybody.

I'm not going to go to work for a long time.

(piano music) >> Come on, come on.

Will you get out of here so I can wash these keys?

>> I'm composing.

>> Composing.

I haven't heard a good song out of you yet.

(piano keys playing) >> That's it!

Give me that again.

(piano keys playing) Thank you very much.

>> What are you calling that thing?

I got a cold in my nose?

>> Come on, sing it.

>> Oh, Mr. Ronnie, I, I-- >> Oh, don't be silly.

I just want to hear the quality.

♪ Sniff, sniff, here's a handkerchief ♪ ♪ Achoo, achoo, gesundheit to you ♪ ♪ Let yourself go and blow ♪ ♪ Oh, let yourself go and blow ♪ Sad, ain't it?

(stove explodes) >> I have to add some water!

Some water!

>> Water in the kitchen!

>> Well, I can't go in there.

The place is on fire!

Here.

This, this will do, however.

Oh.

Oh.

>> You and your cooking.

>> You and your popovers.

They don't pop.

They explode.

>> I'm calling the fire department.

Calling the fire department.

>> The fire department doesn't put water over everything.

I can't call them.

>> I'm going to tell the landlady on you.

>> Well I'm going to tell the landlady on you.

Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.

>> Well, I'm not going to clean up this mess.

>> All right.

Just for that, you won't get a piece of pie.

>> What's in that garbage can?

>> Pie.

30 misses out of 31 tries.

(Ronnie sniffs) 31 misses.

Well, at least the roast chicken's safe.

>> What's that?

>> Roast chicken.

>> How can you pour roast chicken?

>> Well, I had to roast it in the pressure cooker.

It melted a little.

>> Oh.

He'll have his dinner out tonight.

>> Well, so am I.

You don't think I'm going to eat this horrible mess, do you?

(door clicks) Hi, Owen.

>> Hi.

>> He has a nice roast chicken for you, Mr. Waterbury.

Give him a glass for it.

(Ronnie laughs) Mr. Waterbury, I think it's my duty as your servant to tell you what just happened in the kitchen.

>> Hold on, Mary.

Why don't you go home?

>> Mr. Ronnie set fire to the kitchen.

>> I don't care if he sets fire to the whole apartment.

(Ronnie laughs) >> You see, tattle tale?

A lot of good it did you.

>> I'm going to tell the landlady on you, and you too.

(Ronnie squawking) >> Well, what happened down at the beach house?

>> Will you stop asking me silly questions?

I told you on the phone.

She quit.

That's all.

>> Well, she had some nerve.

>> Well, I don't need her.

There's a lot of other secretaries.

>> Of course there are.

>> Just as capable, efficient, and just as cute.

>> Sure.

You never did find out how good she could type.

Well, I'll call the agency and get another secretary.

>> No.

I got a better idea.

>> What you going to do?

>> I'm going to pack.

>> Where you going?

>> New York.

Change of environment.

I'll work better there.

>> Going to get rid of the apartment?

>> Yep.

>> Well, what's going to happen to me?

>> What should happen to you?

>> That's a very unfair question.

>> Boy, I'm not going to let a little thing like a secretary throw me off balance.

Never in a million years.

I've got a life to live, too, wonderful, beautiful, exciting life.

I've got a book inside me, a great book full of intensity and scope.

Oh, you know something, Ronnie?

I'm glad this happened.

I'm down to earth now.

What happened?

>> Well, you can still use it.

Elsie called.

She's, sorry she quit in a huff and she apologized for the cab driver.

>> See?

That's what Steve will be doing tomorrow, calling and apologizing, but I won't be here.

Say, what am I running away for, anyway?

I'm not afraid of her.

>> That's what I like to hear.

That's the real Owen Waterbury.

>> Listen, call Elsie.

We'll take her out to dinner.

We'll take 'em all out to dinner, a different one each night.

>> I'll go and change my apron and be right back.

>> Bryant Detective Agency?

this is Owen Waterbury.

Yeah.

Look, I want you to shadow a girl for me.

Stephanie Gaylord.

Now let's all try to have a good time tonight, okay?

>> I'm willing.

Are you, Ronnie?

>> I'm willing.

>> Good evening, Mr. Waterbury.

>> Hello, Francois.

>> Here, why here?

>> I like it here.

>> You've always hated the Ridgely Room.

>> He's joking.

>> I'm not joking.

You've always hated it.

Hasn't he, Elsie?

>> I thought so.

I've always hated it.

>> Mr. Waterbury, there's a gentleman here to see you.

>> Gentleman?

>> Oh, oh, yes.

Ronnie will you take Elsie to a table and I'll join you in just a minute, huh?

>> All right, but don't leave us.

Don't stick Elsie with the check again.

>> Antonio, table three.

>> Table three.

>> where is he?

>> Alcove two.

>> Good evening.

>> Is that the gentleman?

>> Yes, sir.

>> Hello.

Did you send me that message?

>> Yes.

Bryant Detective Agency.

Deveny's the name.

>> Well, how'd you find her so fast?

>> That's my job.

There she is right over there with a man.

>> Who's the man?

>> I don't know.

Do you want me to find out?

>> Course I do.

All right.

I'll start shadowing both him and her.

>> I want you to find out everything you can about her.

I think she's in love with him.

>> She your wife?

>> No, my secretary.

>> I get you.

>> Look, I want nobody to know about this.

>> Don't worry.

The way I operate, even you won't know about it.

>> Can you check her past for me?

>> It'll be expensive.

>> Well, why?

>> The unknown quantity.

We've just finished checking on a girl.

Took us a year to get her past caught up with her present.

>> Do a good job.

>> I will.

Take care of my check.

>> Cigarette?

>> Yes, give me a pack, please.

>> Thank you.

(dramatic music) >> Excuse me, miss.

>> Oh.

>> Excuse me.

>> Oh, excu-- >> Hiya, Steve.

>> Hello, Ronnie.

>> Don't talk to her.

I'm mad at her.

>> Oh, I forgot.

>> Good evening.

>> Good evening.

>> You know him?

>> Mm-hm.

He's my new boss.

>> Your new boss?

What's his name?

>> Charles Harris, the bookseller.

>> That's Steve old boss.

>> He's not so old.

>> How dared you go work for him?

>> Listen, Shakespeare, I'll work for whom I please.

>> Well, did you have to pick on her old boss?

>> Didn't she pick on mine?

When Mr. Harris called the employment agency, he asked for somebody with literary experience.

>> How did you qualify?

You used to work for Waterbury.

>> Steve, with her principles, out with her ex-boss.

>> What about Elsie?

Who's she out with?

>> We're talking about Steve and her principles.

Leave mine out of it.

>> You know, I bet Harris hired you just to spy on me.

>> Well, you're not very complementary.

I happen to be an excellent secretary.

>> When did you learn to type, dear?

>> Has he been questioning you about me?

>> Only the normal questions about my experience.

>> You didn't talk, did you?

>> Ronnie, will you stop looking at everything as one big, long laugh?

>> Oh, I've got a laugh for you, lover boy.

>> What?

>> They're going to be married.

>> They're what?

>> They're going to be married.

>> Where you going?

>> I want to talk to her.

>> Your order, please?

>> A broiled chicken.

>> And yours?

>> Oh, I'll have a glassful, too.

>> Hello.

>> Good evening.

Mr. Harris, Mr. Waterbury.

>> Well, congratulations.

I just heard the good news.

>> What good news?

>> Oh, about your marrying Stephanie.

may I dance with the bride?

>> That's entirely up to her, isn't it?

>> May I?

Thank you.

>> Not at all.

>> So she decided to get married to the wrong guy.

>> Are we going to dance, or are you going to dictate a novel?

>> Oh, no why should a nice, intelligent girl like you marry a man she doesn't even love?

>> For your information, I'm not marrying anyone.

>> Oh.

Well now, I respect you.

>> You respect all girls who decide not to get married?

>> Going back to work for him?

>> Is this a quiz, or are we going to dance?

>> Well, it could be both.

Say, how would you like your old job back?

Better terms.

>> Not interested.

>> I'll throw in a bonus.

Marriage.

>> Mr. Waterbury, you talk about marriage as though it were something cheap and vulgar.

>> Who else but Owen Waterbury would invite you out for the evening and dance with another girl?

>> I would.

Say, why don't you pay him back and dance with Mr. Harris?

>> I wouldn't think of dancing with my boss.

>> This is me you're talking to.

Remember?

>> Well, I mean, not until I've worked for him for a few days.

>> That's a nice sentiment.

>> Steve, you're in my arms at last.

I'm holding you at last.

>> We're dancing.

>> You may be dancing, but I'm holding you.

Oh, like the tide, you go out, but you also come in.

>> Owen Waterbury, you're the most maddening man I've ever met.

>> Listen to me, Steve.

I love you.

Everything I dictated at the beach house I meant, but I was too much of a coward to say it outright.

I love you, Steve.

Marry me, take a chance.

This is me, the author with beautiful words and I'm stumped.

All I can say is I love you.

Marry me.

>> Your chicken, madam.

And your chicken in the glass, sir.

(gentle music) >> Harris looks lonely.

(Ronnie whistles) >> Mr. Harris, this is Ronnie Hastings.

>> How do you do?

>> Won't you sit down and have a glass of broiled chicken?

>> Thank you.

I think I will.

>> Ever hear the story of the unholy three?

>> If you don't mind, I think I'll be running along.

>> Mr. Harris, would you mind taking me with you?

>> Not at all.

>> Oh, who's going to take me?

>> You watch the floor show.

>> Want to dance?

>> I'd love it.

>> Are you a gigolo?

>> After tonight, I think I will be.

(both chuckling) (gentle music) >> Isn't life strange?

When one gets up in the morning, one never knows what one will be doing in the evening, does one?

(Ronnie laughs) Oh dear.

(gentle music) >> And in addition to the office supplies, please order one Remington electric typewriter for the outer office.

(phone ringing) >> Mr. Harris's office.

Just a moment, please.

>> Hello?

Yes.

What?

When?

Thank you, goodbye.

>> What's the matter, is anything wrong?

>> Owen Waterbury just married Steve.

>> He didn't!

>> Oh yes he did.

I never thought she'd marry him.

>> I never thought he'd get married.

>> Well, here we are, honey.

Welcome to honeymoon manor.

>> Congratulations!

>> Hi, Ronnie!

>> May I be the first to kiss the bride, or am I the first?

>> I'm not a very wide awake bride.

>> Honey, let's get some sleep, and then we'll go over to the beach house, huh?

>> How long you been driving?

>> 24 hours.

>> Las Vegas and back.

Hey, whose bags are these?

>> Oh, those are Felicia's.

As soon as I told her the news, she decided to move out.

>> It's a good idea.

Darling, this is quite a threshold.

Three stories up.

>> Well, we can use the threshold upstairs.

>> Oh, good idea.

Hiya, Felicia.

>> Congratulations.

You did very well.

>> She certainly did.

I'll get you moved in as soon as I get her moved out.

>> Okay, why don't you try the building next door, dear?

Driver, old ladies' home.

>> Whoops!

Hello, Mary.

>> Oh.

I'm so happy for both of you.

>> Well thank you, Mary.

That's very sweet of her.

>> Yes, sir.

Hello, darling.

>> Hello, dear.

>> (speaking in foreign language).

I made a wedding breakfast.

Spaghetti and meatballs.

>> Look, Ronnie, I, well, I know you're trying to be helpful, but this is our honeymoon, and, well, we'd like to be alone.

>> Oh, sure.

Sure.

Say, Steve, be nice to him, will you?

He's my only means of support.

>> Darling, are you glad you married me?

>> Oh, what a question to ask me now.

>> Well, it was on the spur of the moment and, and you do change your mind, so-- >> Darling, I'll never change my mind about you.

You're the first nice thing in my life.

(light hearted music) >> Could you tell me where is apartment 3E?

>> Who're you looking for?

>> Isn't that the business of the people in apartment 3E?

>> It's the next apartment down the hall sir.

(light hearted music) (door knocks) >> I beg your pardon.

(door knocks) Yes, and what can I do for you?

>> I have a message for Mr. Waterbury.

>> Well, I'm afraid Mr. Waterbury can't be disturbed just now.

He's um, he's a little busy.

>> My name is Deveny.

Will you tell him the woman he's interested in got married.

>> Hey, Owen!

You got a minute?

>> Ronnie, what is it now?

>> There was a fellow was outside, said his name was Deveny.

He had a message for you.

>> I don't know any Devenys.

>> He said the party you were interested in got married.

>> Congratulations.

So did I.

>> Darling, whom were you interested in who got married?

>> There's only one married girl I'm interested in.

>> You tell Mr. Waterbury I want to see him right away, and I mean immediately.

>> Owen!

Horrible Hannah's here.

We call you that affectionately, dear.

>> Now what is it?

>> Oh, excuse me.

I didn't know your, secretary was working late.

>> They're married.

>> Married?

Well, as his wife, she might as well be in on this.

>> Just what can I do for you, Mrs. Reeves?

>> I've come for the rent.

>> But I paid you the rent on the first, Mrs. Reeves.

>> I had to make a new rule, Mr. Waterbury.

I don't take bad checks.

>> When did you make that rule?

>> Since you moved in.

>> Darling, do you happen to have $485 in the bank?

>> I think so.

>> Well, could you write me out a check until I get this thing straightened out?

Can't understand how my account got so low.

>> Ronnie: That $6,000 for the crap game.

>> Oh yes.

>> And the $2 for the marriage license.

(Reeve laughs) >> One has to live.

>> Thank you, dear.

>> Thank you, Mrs. Waterbury.

(Reeve laughs) I never thought I'd ever call anybody Mrs. Waterbury.

(Reeve laughs) >> I'll just walk you down the hall.

>> Oh, thank you, Ronnie.

Is this any good?

>> She's loaded.

>> Well, I suppose an explanation is in order.

>> You don't owe me an explanation.

>> Oh but darling, I want to explain.

(door knocking) Oh, excuse me.

>> Hello, Owen.

>> Oh, hello, Dick.

>> Congratulations, we just heard.

>> Well, thank you, Bertie.

>> Congratulations.

>> Thanks a lot, oh, darling!

Won't you come in and sit down?

>> Dick: Yes, thanks.

Thank you.

>> Oh darling, I, I want you to meet Mr. Fulton, my publisher, and Bertie.

This is my wife.

>> How do you do?

>> How do you do?

>> So nice knowing you.

>> Owen, you're not thinking of a prolonged honeymoon, are you?

>> Oh no.

We're just going down to the beach house and, well, I thought I'd dictate my honeymoon.

(both chuckles) >> Good idea.

You know, there's a deadline on that novel.

It's got to be made.

You know why.

>> Oh I'll have it ready, Dick.

>> I'll count on it.

Would you like a drink?

>> No, no thanks.

We're double parked downstairs.

Come, dear.

>> How's Ronnie?

>> Oh, still eating.

>> Same old Ronnie.

>> Yes, Bertie's told me about Ronnie.

She says that when he dies, he'll ask the crematorium to baste him slowly on both sides.

>> You know Ronnie?

>> Oh, of course.

I was once Mr. Waterbury's secretary.

>> Well, thanks an awful lot for coming, Dick.

>> Happy honeymoon.

>> Thank you.

>> Darling, why did Mr. Fulton look at you so accusingly?

>> Well, I owe him $20,000.

I drew it as advance royalty against my next novel.

>> And that mink coat Mrs. Fulton had on, that one you gave her?

>> Oh, that meant nothing to me.

I'd written a bestseller and I was throwing money around like water and-- >> You can always take it back and give it to Mr. Fulton as part payment.

>> Oh darling, I'll get you 100 mink coats.

>> Darling, I don't think I can afford 100 mink coats.

After all, paying your rent will keep me broke.

>> Honey, did you marry me for my money?

>> No, but I'm beginning to think you married me for mine.

>> Look, darling, let's get out of here.

We're never going to be alone here.

Honey, I know a perfect little mountain cabin away from publishers and landladies-- >> And secretaries?

>> Well, except you.

And I'm going to work, I promise you.

>> I promise you.

>> Dick: How long did you work on this book, Owen?

>> Owen: Four months.

I'm, rather proud of this one, Dick.

>> Where's Mrs. Waterbury?

>> Oh, Steve's down at the village getting groceries.

She wants to prepare you one of her special dinners.

>> Well, I'm afraid I can't stay for dinner.

I have to catch that next train back.

>> Dick, let's drop the suspense.

How'd you like the book?

>> I'm going to let you have it right between the eyes, Owen.

>> You don't like it?

>> I hated it.

It was just about the worst piece of drivel I ever read.

Why, if I were to publish this, Owen, it would ruin you.

Fortunately, I found another book to use in its place.

>> What's the matter with me, Dick?

Am I through?

>> Of course not.

Every top flight novelist has a bad book in him.

>> How am I going to pay you back your money?

>> Well, don't worry about that.

Sorry, Owen.

>> Darling, I got some of that wonderful ven, why hello, Mr. Fulton.

It's so nice seeing you again.

>> Mrs. Waterbury.

Do you like venison?

>> Well, I'm afraid I can't stay.

>> Oh, why not?

>> I got some very important business in town.

>> Well, I, I'm very sorry.

I, I was going to fix you one of my special dishes.

>> Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, some other time.

>> Goodbye, Mrs. Waterbury.

>> Goodbye, Mr. Fulton.

>> Goodbye, Owen.

>> Goodbye, Dick.

>> He doesn't like it.

>> Hm?

>> Do you think he's right?

>> He's always been right.

>> Until he married Bertie.

>> Oh, what's that got to do with it?

>> Well, maybe he's changed.

Ever think of that?

Maybe he sees you through different eyes.

>> Oh, you talk like a fool.

>> Owen, let's face it.

Your book is now being published by a man who sees his wife in your arms on every page.

He thinks that girl in there is Bertie and you.

>> You're a child.

Bertie meant nothing to me.

>> He doesn't realize that, and he's still a human being, even if he is a publisher, and he's a man.

>> Let's get away from here tonight.

>> Tonight?

Owen, you blame me, don't you?

>> Not really, Steve.

It's, it's just that it's so distracting to have a man's wife as his secretary, too.

I've got to try another book fast, and I'm going to have to get myself another secretary.

>> So I'm fired, is that it?

>> Steve, it'll be better for both of us if I work by myself.

It'll give you a chance to work on your own book.

>> I'll make dinner.

(gentle music) Owen, I finished my book.

>> Oh, you did?

Well, I'd like to read it.

>> It's been on your dressing room table for two weeks.

>> Oh.

Well, I'll, um, well, I'll read it on the train.

>> Don't bother.

>> Oh you're hurt.

>> No, I'm not.

You call and get tickets for the train, and send Ronnie a wire to get you a new secretary.

>> Elsie: Oh hello, Mrs. Waterbury.

>> Hello, Elsie.

>> Mr. Harris told me you phoned him from the station.

Did you have a nice honeymoon?

>> Very nice, thank you.

>> It must be lovely up at the cabin this time of the year.

>> Yes, it is.

>> A Waterbury original?

His last.

>> Steve.

>> Hello, Charles.

>> Sit don't won't you?

>> Thank you.

>> Oh, you're looking fine, fine.

>> Well, four months of the outdoor life.

>> None the worse for it.

>> Charles, I want you to do me a favor.

This is Owen's latest book.

Fulton doesn't like it.

I want you to read it and let me know what you think about it.

>> I'll try to be as objective as possible.

>> You will be, I know.

And I have another manuscript for you, mine.

>> You finished it?

>> Yes.

It, it was a long uphill pull.

I've changed the title so many times that I finally decided to call it Dawn's Yearning.

>> What does Owen think of it?

>> Owen hasn't read it yet.

>> Harris: Oh?

>> He hasn't had time.

He, he's been busy writing.

He couldn't concentrate on it.

>> I'll be glad to read both of them.

>> Thank you, Charles.

>> Goodbye, Steve.

>> Goodbye, Charles.

>> I was on the third floor, but I can't find the Waterbury apartment.

>> Well, here's Mrs. Waterbury.

>> How do you do?

The employment service sent me over.

>> What for?

>> Oh, Mr. Waterbury wants a new secretary.

>> Oh, is that so?

>> Yes.

>> Well, follow me.

>> Oh, thank you.

I know it's going to be so exciting working for Mr. Waterbury.

>> Oh, you'll just love it.

>> I know I will.

You know, this was such a rush call, I hardly had time to dress.

>> You're dressed beautifully.

>> Oh, thank you so much.

You know, I make my own clothes.

>> Oh really?

>> Yes.

>> Come in.

Come right in, Miss, um, what did you say your name was?

>> Hilda Sneebacher.

>> Miss Sneebacher.

Owen, darling, this is your new secretary.

>> How do you do?

>> This is my husband, Owen Waterbury, and this is Ronnie, our next door neighbor.

>> How do you do?

>> Can I get you something to drink?

>> Oh, have you any beer?

>> Well, I should say we have.

And we have pretzels, too.

(Hilda laughs) >> I could just drink a barrel of beer.

>> What did you ask for on the phone?

>> I thought they knew our account.

>> Dope.

(Hilda laughing) >> Oh, don't bother.

(Hilda laughs) >> Why don't you bring your beer over here where we can be more comfortable?

Oh, do you do laundry, Miss Sneebacher?

>> Just shirts and socks.

I don't like to do sheets.

>> Well sit down, please.

How are you on handicapping the horses, Miss Sneebacher?

>> Oh, yesterday I picked two winners.

Played 'em both right on the schnozola.

>> Owen, I think she's enchanting.

what size coat do you wear?

>> Do you have to wear a coat on the job?

>> Oh, Mr. Waterbury likes to give all his employees mink coats for Christmas.

>> Oh, I wish I'd known that.

I could have saved a skunk's life.

(both laughing) >> I wonder who she means.

>> I'm going to love this job.

You're all so nuts.

(Hilda laughs) >> Do you object working late hours, Miss Sneebacher?

>> Not at all.

I room with a girlfriend.

I haven't seen her since New Year's.

(both laughing) >> Miss Sneebacher, I'm afraid this job is going to be a little too much for you.

>> But why, Owen?

She's just-- >> Well you see, several parts of my new novel are mostly in French and, well, I'm sure you don't speak French, do you, Miss Sneebacher?

>> Studied it for six years.

Once I had a French boyfriend.

We had no trouble.

>> Yes, but how's your shorthand?

>> Shorthand?

I don't take shorthand.

>> You don't take shorthand?

>> Well, no.

The agency said this was strictly a typing job.

>> Oh no.

This is mostly a shorthand job.

>> But I could learn it.

>> No, no, I'm afraid not.

>> Well, guess that lets me out.

>> Leave the glass, please.

>> Oh.

Thanks for the beer.

(door knocks) >> That must be the next one.

>> The next one?

>> I told the agency to keep sending them until we said when.

>> How do you do?

Is this apartment 3E?

>> Ronnie: Yes it is.

>> Does a Mr. Owen Waterbury live here?

>> Ronnie: Yes, he does.

>> I'm Owen Waterbury.

>> Oh, Mr. Waterbury, the agency sent me.

Dawn O'Malley.

>> Dawn: That's right.

>> Won't you come in, Miss O'Malley?

>> Thank you.

>> Won't you sit down, Miss O'Malley?

>> Thank you.

>> Oh, this is my wife.

>> How do you do?

>> How do you do?

>> You take shorthand, of course.

>> Yes, 120 words a minute.

>> Oh.

>> Do you speak French, Miss O'Malley?

>> (speaking in foreign language) >> Men: (speaking in foreign language) >> Are you married by any chance?

>> Yes, I am, but the divorce comes final next week.

>> I see.

>> When, um, when would you like me to begin?

>> You have begun.

>> Oh.

Thank you.

>> Steve shall we prepare lunch and leave them alone?

I think they'd like to get to work.

>> All right.

>> Tell me, did you ever work for a writer before?

>> Yes, once about three years ago, but I'd, I'd rather not talk about it.

>> Oh?

Well why not?

>> Well, he asked me to work late one evening and began getting a little fresh so I called the police.

All I want to do is work.

I guess the publicity ruined his career, but he deserved it.

Don't you agree?

>> Yes, I do.

>> How about lunch, Miss O'Malley?

>> Oh, I've already eaten.

Thank you.

>> And you, darling?

>> No thanks.

I'll skip lunch today.

>> You will just love living in this building, Mr. Scott, and you'll just love the Waterburys.

They're so bohemian.

Crude.

(door knocks) >> I'll go.

Oh, hello.

>> Hello, Mrs. Waterbury.

I want you to meet your new neighbor, Sylvan Scott.

He's moved into that little bachelor apartment upstairs that Felicia used to have.

>> Yes, I know Mr. Scott.

>> Hello, Stephanie.

>> How nice.

Now I want you to meet the important member of the family.

This is the great Owen Waterbury.

>> Oh.

>> How do you do, Mr. Waterbury?

>> How do you do?

>> And this is-- >> The horrible Ronnie Hastings.

>> Hello.

>> New secretary.

>> Yes.

>> She was just hired and I was just fired.

>> Mr. Scott's a writer, too.

My building will be just crawling with them.

>> Yes.

Mr. Scott and I went to night school together.

>> Scott: We sat next to each other.

>> Mr. Scott used to be a ball player.

Just look at those shoulders, and they're not padded, either.

>> Well, what do you know?

>> Sylvan writes that wonderful radio program called John's Mother's Lover.

>> John's Mother's Sweetheart.

>> Oh yes.

Tell me, confidentially, is John's mother going to marry her sweetheart?

>> No.

John's father objects.

>> John has no father.

>> Oh, poor John.

>> Sylvan, you'd better rush upstairs and start to work on that radio program.

You mustn't neglect John.

>> Well, I'm in a little trouble.

You see, my secretary just got married.

>> Oh, what on earth are you going to do?

>> I don't know.

>> I could help you, Sylvan.

>> You, Stephanie?

>> Yes, you see, I was Mr. Waterbury's secretary before he married me.

>> That's right.

You were.

>> The marriage was the bonus.

>> Well, when could we begin?

>> Why don't you just say I've begun.

Ronnie, dear, would you get me some shorthand books and some pencils?

How much do you think you'll be giving me tonight?

>> Well, we may be working most of the night.

>> Why, that's just ducky.

I'm used to working at night.

Goodbye, darling.

Don't work too hard.

>> I won't.

>> Come on.

Oh, thank you Ronnie.

Bye!

>> Well, I seem to have fixed everything up.

>> You certainly have.

>> Well, I guess I'll run along.

>> Must you go?

I was just poisoning the tea.

>> Oh, Ronnie, you're such a kidder.

(both laughing) >> You know, you're going to really like it here, honey child.

>> Watch your hands.

I don't tolerate familiarity from anybody, and I mean anybody.

I once ruined a man's career, and don't you forget it.

>> Miss O'Malley, you may have the day off.

>> Why don't you make it a year?

>> But I haven't even begun yet.

>> Oh, that's all right.

You get paid just the same.

>> Oh.

Well all right.

What time tomorrow?

>> Oh, any old time.

Suit yourself.

>> But, but I don't understand.

>> Well, how about noon?

>> All right.

Thank you.

>> Well, you were saying something about poisoned tea?

>> I mixed it, I get firsties.

>> Now, where was I?

>> Sound of footsteps.

Three people.

>> Thank you.

>> Sound of footsteps.

Three people.

Door bang.

Door crash.

Door slam.

Two shots.

Three screams.

Siren.

How does that sound?

Swell.

>> It's bedlam.

>> John, I'm in love with your mother, and tomorrow, I expect to be your father.

>> John's going to be a father and I'm the first to know.

Now I don't have to listen tomorrow.

>> But father, I'm older than you are.

>> John's older than his father?

>> What happened?

>> That's what I'd like to know.

>> I don't know, but don't you worry, Ms. Waterbury.

I'm not going to do anything.

(phone ringing) >> Hello?

>> Hey!

They just turned out the lights.

>> Who's calling?

>> This is Charles Harris speaking.

I'm sorry to be calling at such a late hour, but I must talk to her.

>> They just turned out the lights.

>> Will you keep quiet?

This is her husband.

No, she's out for the evening.

>> She's right upstairs.

>> Will you, and I don't know when she'll be back.

>> Didn't you hear me?

I said they just turned out the lights.

>> Darling!

May I borrow a light bulb?

>> I don't care what you do.

>> What's the matter?

>> I'm going to a hotel in case you're interested.

>> I'll go to a hotel.

After all, this is your apartment.

>> No it isn't.

You pay the rent.

>> Ronnie, will you take this up to Mr. Scott please?

Owen, you can't possibly be jealous of that man upstairs.

Why, he's utterly harmless.

>> Boy, you really had me fooled.

>> Why do you say that?

>> Charles Harris just called.

(dramatic music) Have you seen him, Steve, since we came back?

>> Owen, it's, it's terribly late and, and I don't like cross examinations.

After all, we're two adult human beings and, and we should be able to trust one another.

>> Don't smile it away with a pretty words, Steve.

Have you been seeing him?

>> Yes.

>> All right.

Then this is is.

>> But I only saw Charles Harris for one reason.

I took him your manuscript.

He knows a great many publishers.

>> Please don't.

It's too late for that.

I felt at the nightclub you were in love with Harris, and I knew he was in love with you.

After all, five years is a long time, and I was a fool to think I could break it down.

>> I never loved Charles Harris.

>> Well you never loved me.

You were in love with a schoolgirl notion of a popular novelist.

I already tried to play this straight with you, Steve, but I guess I made a beautiful mistake.

>> Owen, I was in love with you before I met you.

Something in your writing, the, the tone, the feeling, the, the quality appealed to me so much that I used to imagine your books were written just for me.

It's true I built it up in a schoolgirl way and I was so caught up in it, I guess I would've married you the night you lectured in class.

If you'd stepped off that platform and asked me, I would've married you just like that.

>> How can you talk to me like this?

I put you way up there too, Steve, but you tore it down in the cruelest way any woman could.

You once called me an egotistical fraud, but what about you, Stephanie Gaylord?

What have you been?

Go ahead, phone him, he's waiting for you.

>> Owen!

>> Good morning, Mrs. Waterbury.

>> Good morning, Elsie.

I have an appointment.

>> Yes, I know, Mr. Harris has a surprise for you.

Won't you come right in?

>> Steve.

>> Good morning, Charles.

>> Stephanie Gaylord, this is Mr. McNally, Mr. Hudson, Mr. Burg of the Literary Times.

>> How do you do?

>> How do you do?

>> How do you do?

>> So you are Stephanie Gaylord.

>> Sit down, Steve.

It's a big morning in your life, Steve.

Mr. McNally is head of the publishing house in New York.

He flew down this morning.

That's why I called you so late last night.

>> We've read your book, Miss Gaylord.

How long have you worked on it?

>> About five years.

>> I'm recommending it for the McNally Winslow Award for a first novel by an unknown.

>> I didn't know you were going to show my manuscript to anyone.

>> I couldn't do anything else after reading it.

>> But don't you see what this will do to Owen?

>> What has Owen got to do with it?

>> Well, Owen's the big guy in my family and his novel's just been turned down.

If this happens on top of that, it, it would just about destroy him.

He has to have a sense of importance.

He, he's lost all faith in himself.

>> You mean your husband would feel a sense of competition with you?

>> You don't understand, Mr. McNally.

Owen's in trouble, and as his wife, I have to help him climb out of it.

>> Steve, I thought you wanted to write more than anything else in the world.

>> I thought so too before I married Owen.

What about Owen's manuscript?

Did you read it?

>> Yes.

It, it isn't bad.

It's good, but it doesn't have what this has.

This has greatness.

>> Thank you very much, gentlemen.

>> Steve, please sit down.

I want to talk to you.

(light hearted music) (Ronnie banging) (light hearted music) >> Are you slopping up this kitchen again?

>> I'm giving your popovers another try.

>> Well, give me time to call the fire department.

>> Scott: No, no, no, Miss O'Malley.

That's not the line I gave you.

>> Dawn: I'm sorry, Mr. Scott.

>> Scott: All right.

Let's try it again.

>> Dawn: Yes sir.

>> John.

Mother, I've changed my mind.

I don't like your sweetheart.

Mother.

Well, I like him.

That's all that matters.

John.

As your son, I refuse to approve the marriage.

Mother.

You're not marrying him, I am.

How does that sound?

>> Stinks.

>> Amen.

>> Mr. Hastings, I must say you're distracting.

>> You know, you shouldn't be using Mr. Waterbury's apartment or Mr. Waterbury's secretary.

>> Well, Mrs. Waterbury isn't here and I've got to get the program out.

>> Why don't you work in your apartment?

>> She won't work upstairs.

>> Well, why don't you work without her?

>> I can't.

I'm a dictator.

>> Dear, why won't you work upstairs?

>> I don't work in men's bedrooms.

>> It's not a bedroom.

It's a bachelor apartment.

>> My husband was a hotel manager.

One room is a bedroom.

Two or more is an apartment.

>> Sylvan, she's got you there.

>> Oh, come on, let's work.

>> Hello, Mr. Waterbury.

>> Yes, what can I do for you?

>> Remember me?

I'm Deveny of the Bryant Detective Agency.

>> Oh, oh.

What's this?

>> A bill for $845.62.

>> For what?

>> For shadowing and delving into the past of one Stephanie Gaylord.

>> But I married her.

>> We've shadowed married women before.

>> Hi, Owen.

>> Get rid of this guy.

>> You want me to call the police.

>> I am the police.

>> What's this doing here?

>> That's my laundry.

>> You expect my wife to do your laundry?

>> Hey, that's a little large for you, isn't it?

>> That's Mrs. Waterbury's laundry, that's mine.

>> Well, take it and get out here.

And as for you, Mademoiselle O'Malley, you're fired for taking dictation from somebody else.

>> Well, that suits me just fine.

I wouldn't work for you even if I did like your horrible writing.

>> Where's Stephanie?

>> I don't know where she is.

>> I know where she is.

>> Where?

>> You pay this bill and I'll let you know.

>> Oh, Ronnie, do you happen to have $845?

>> And 62 cents.

>> Why don't you write him a check?

>> Oh yes.

Call that number right away.

Here is the detailed report, it's very amusing.

You see, I had to shadow you at the same time that I shadowed her.

>> Ronnie: Here's Stephanie.

>> Stephanie, where are you?

What, what are you doing there?

Stephanie, if there were ever any chance of our getting together, this kills it now.

Finally and for all time, we're through.

Charles Harris's apartment.

Just like that, no sense of shame.

>> Well, maybe she got her old job back and is working for him.

>> At his home?

What decent, self-respecting girl works for a man at his home?

>> Maybe she's his secretary.

>> Please, don't tell me about secretaries.

>> He could tell you.

>> Here's the report.

Page three is wonderful.

>> Thank you.

Call the employment agency.

I'm going to show her.

Look, I want a girl this time who's capable and efficient.

>> I'm calling for Mr. Owen Waterbury.

>> A fast typist.

I don't care what she looks like.

>> We don't care what she looks like as long as she's attractive.

>> Owen: Do you take shorthand?

>> Oh, but of course, 120 words a minute.

>> Owen: Mm-hm.

>> And, what did you say your name was?

>> Miss Pigeon.

(Ronnie chuckles) >> Her name is Miss Pigeon.

>> Everybody says I'm flighty.

(group chuckles) >> Where did you work before?

>> I'm just out of secretarial school.

I think it would be wonderful working for you, Mr. Waterbury.

You see, I hope to be a writer myself someday.

>> Oh.

>> Have you ever been married?

>> Oh no, never.

>> And, you have no objections to working on weekends?

>> Oh not at all.

My time's completely my own.

>> And you think Mr. Waterbury's just wonderful?

>> Mm-hm.

>> This is a Clay Pigeon.

>> I've come for my things.

Follow me, Bill.

>> I know just where to go.

>> I want you to take everything out of that drawer and put it in that bag.

>> Right.

>> Mm-hm.

>> I knew you'd come back.

>> But it's only for a moment.

>> Where's the mink coat?

>> I didn't get a mink coat.

Come into the bedroom, Bill.

>> What's the matter?

Short of minks?

>> Say, haven't you been here before?

>> Sure, I came with the other one.

I got a cab staying downstairs now.

If you need a cab, just open your window and holler.

>> Well, I'm going to do a lot of hollering now.

>> That's his former secretary.

>> Get my bag and things out of the closet, Bill.

>> Oh, so you're not in love with Harris but you go to his apartment.

>> You wouldn't let me explain and now I'm not going to.

>> Explain, what kind of an explanation could you make anyway?

>> It doesn't matter anymore.

>> You're right, it doesn't matter anymore.

>> Isn't she getting awfully personal?

>> What a wonderful typist.

>> Charles Harris's apartment, just like that.

>> Just like that.

>> Anything else, Miss?

>> Yes, my picture.

If I were a man, I-- >> If you were a man, I'd ask you to step outside.

>> Go ahead, hit me.

I dare you.

(hand smacks) >> Did he slap her?

>> I should say not, she slapped him.

>> I've known all along how you resented me.

It was because I liked your novel and I told you so.

You think you've wasted your time, that's your tragedy.

>> My only tragedy is you.

>> I'm going far, far away from here, and I'm going to write a book about you.

I'm going to call it, The Heel and His Victim.

>> That's a very horrible title.

>> It'll do.

Goodbye, Owen Waterbury, and don't you ever try and get in touch with me because I want no more of you.

>> That goes for me, too.

(door bangs) >> Where's Miss Pigeon?

>> She, flew the coop.

>> Where do you think Steve's going?

>> I think she's going to marry Harris.

>> Harris, I'd like to see that little worm.

>> I'm going too.

>> Where are you going?

>> I'm so mad I could get married.

You know I think I'll have to?

>> Whom are you going to marry?

>> It'll be a female.

That's about all I can say.

(door bangs) (dramatic music) (door knocking) >> I'd like to see Mr. Harris.

>> Your name?

>> Owen Waterbury.

(man coughs) >> Excuse me, sir.

>> And excuse me.

I didn't mean to disturb you and my secretary.

>> Your former secretary.

>> Oh, I know you were in the middle of dictation.

>> Your sarcasm is quite uncalled for.

>> Of course, I don't have to tell you what I think of a man who behaves this way with a secretary.

>> Ha!

>> You keep out of this, Elsie-- >> Look, Charles and I are going to be married.

>> Congratulations.

What?

Just where does that leave me wife?

How do you suppose she's going to feel about this?

She's in love with you, you know.

>> You never deserved as fine a girl as Stephanie anyway.

>> You know, Harris, I've always wanted to tell you that I really think you're a crude person.

Your motives are very obvious.

You've given me a lot of grief ever since I married Stephanie, and I came up here to tan your hide, so put up your hands and defend yourself like a man.

>> Oh, you'll tan nobody's hide.

Oh, listen to me, you fool.

Why do you think Stephanie came up here in the first place?

Because she wrote a novel and Harris wanted to have it published, but she didn't want that.

She was afraid it would hurt your vanity and wreck your marriage.

She wanted him to help you instead.

Oh, look, I've read your last book, the one Fulton turned down.

It's grand, it's exciting, it's wonderful.

Fulton's wrong.

He's just jealous because of Bertie, and it's all your own fault, Mr. great guy.

You know, someday, Stephanie's going to be a better writer than you are.

That's my opinion, and you've always valued it.

Here, Stephanie's novel.

Read that and really get jealous.

You know, you're not going to get her back.

She's gone away and it serves you right.

I hope I've kicked a little sense into you, but I doubt it.

>> Goodbye, Mr. Waterbury.

(dramatic music) (dramatic music) >> Hello.

Owen Waterbury?

>> Yes.

>> I've got to serve you with these papers.

>> What for?

>> Suit for divorce from Mrs. Waterbury.

>> Thanks.

(dramatic music) >> Hello, mine's three.

What's yours, please?

>> 4C.

>> Isn't that Sylvan Scott's apartment?

>> Oh, is it?

I didn't know who lived there but, I'm his new secretary.

>> I see.

Good luck.

>> Hello Mr. Waterbury.

>> Hello, Mary.

>> You want a drink?

>> Well, I guess so.

Now, you seen Ronnie around?

>> Oh, I haven't seen Mr. Ronnie in about three days, but I heard tell he got married.

>> Married?

Gee, that's funny.

Didn't even invite me to the wedding ceremony.

>> Me neither.

>> Ah, Ronnie gets married.

I'm getting a divorce.

Did you know that, Mary?

Mrs. Waterbury's divorcing me.

>> I sure was sorry to hear that, Mr. Waterbury.

She was an awful nice person.

So was you at times.

>> Thank you, Mary.

Well, I see Scott's hiring a new male secretary.

>> Oh, Mr. Scott doesn't live in this building anymore.

He moved out yesterday.

>> Oh.

Who moved in up there?

>> Mrs. Waterbury.

(dramatic music) >> Steve?

>> Yes.

She's a big writer now.

>> Well, of all the nerve.

I'll fix her, she can't do this to me!

(dramatic music) (door knocks) >> Come in.

Yes, what can I do for you?

>> Out.

>> But-- >> I said get out.

>> But I don't understand.

>> Don't you listen to him.

>> This is my wife.

>> You're his wife?

>> I'm trying very desperately not to be.

Didn't you get the divorce papers today?

>> You're still my wife until the final decree and that takes a whole year.

Are you still here, I said get out.

>> Mr. Simson, you come back here tomorrow morning at nine o'clock.

>> You'll come back here never.

If I find you here again, I'll throw you out on your ear.

Hiring male secretaries right under my nose.

>> Right over your nose, dear.

>> And don't be cute at a time like this.

Why'd you take this apartment anyway?

>> Because it was the only one I could find and Mrs. Reeves was kind enough to let me have it.

>> Oh sure, sure.

>> I thought you'd think I was chasing you, Owen Waterbury, but my living here need cause us no embarrassment.

We can be friends, meet in the hallway, and exchange polite little hellos.

>> I exchanged polite little hellos with your friend Harris recently.

Elsie was there.

She told me all about your book, how you didn't want to have it published because of what it might do to me.

Silly.

I mean, do you think I look upon you as a competitor?

>> Don't you think I can compete with you, Mr. Waterbury?

>> I read your book last night.

Kept me up most of the night.

You want to know something?

>> Yes.

>> You're better than I am, but don't tell anybody because I'll deny it.

>> Now you listen to me, Mr. Owen Waterbury.

I'm a human being too, and I have certain rights and privileges.

I had an idea for a book and you made me lose a very good secretary.

>> Well, look, why don't you dictate it to me?

>> You?

>> Sure, I can take shorthand.

>> Owen Waterbury-- >> Look, you want to know a secret?

>> What?

>> I'm a better secretary than you are.

>> All right, prove it.

Get the shorthand book and pencil.

>> Okay.

>> And I don't want to hear another word about our personal problems until I get this down.

Let's call this Notes on My New Novel by Stephanie Gaylord.

This will be the story of a girl who became secretary to a very egotistical man who thought he knew everything there was to know about writing.

>> Oh no wait a minute, Steve.

>> Please, please.

You're interrupting my train of thought.

He was attractive in an ugly sort of way.

>> Thanks a million.

>> Will you please stop interrupting me?

But he was filled with childish frustrations and complexes which she in her silly way tried to cure.

>> Now wait a minute, Steve.

I'm not going to sit here and take down this-- >> Listen.

This is my new book.

Until she suddenly discovered he didn't need a wife.

He needed a psychiatrist.

>> A psychiatrist?

That does it.

Now I'm insane, am I?

Okay, but if you publish that book, I'll sue you.

>> You just go ahead and sue me if you think I'm a-- >> Hello.

You know, this book sounds very interesting, but there's one thing I've got to know.

Did she love him?

>> Well of course she loved him.

She loved him deeply, devotedly, desperately.

>> Then why didn't you say so?

(door knocking) >> I've, um, I've come for the rent.

>> Ronnie's your, new landlord.

(both chuckling) >> Oh no, no.

That vase belongs up there, and this belongs here.

>> And this belongs here.

>> Reeve: Oh Ronnie, don't.

(dramatic music) Oh Ronnie.

(dramatic music)