♪♪ Woman 1: I recently experienced a tremendous tragedy that shook my family and drained me to the point where I was just trying to survive.

And I now need to find the strength to raise my children through this trial.

I’m hoping that by going on this journey through my family history, I can find strength from others who've gone through similar obstacles, and help my family move forward.

My name is Natalie Norton, and this is my Generations Project.

♪♪ [plane engine roars] [indistinct PA announcement] John F. Kennedy: Let the word go forth from this time and place that the torch has been passed to a new generation.

PJ: I really never thought that finding out about your ancestry could change you the way it's changed me.

♪♪ - In 2009, I had my fourth son.

His name was Gavin, we named him after my brother, actually, who had passed away a few years, um, previous to that unexpectedly at age 21, I had what I had always wished for.

I always wished to have a family of all boys.

And at that time, Gavin developed a little cough.

They performed a slew of tests, one of which came back positive and that was, um, pertussis.

The, um, decline was fairly rapid, and he became more and more ill every, every minute.

At the point when the doctors were able to kind of get me by the shoulders and help me understand that he was not going to make it, I was able to hold him and rock him and sing to him and, um, my husband put his hand on his, on his heart and just felt those last heartbeats as I sang him, um, out of this earth.

♪♪ Man 1: We never expected our, you know, our baby boy Gavin to, to pass away.

It was, you know, a great time in our lives.

Everyone was happy, everyone was apparently healthy.

Um, it broke her, you know?

It, um, it broke her heart, and, um, uh-- she doesn't have that child that, that, that used to be in her arms anymore.

♪♪ She seeks for ways to become stronger so that she can feel complete and, um, can move forward with, with the strength, um, that, that we both know, um, she needs to have to raise three other crazy little kids.

- That was, I think, the hardest moment for me was standing up and handing my child over to a stranger and walking away.

There are definitely days that I wish I could just erase everything and go back to my perfect life with my four perfect sons and my loving brother.

But I can't.

♪♪ Our oldest son is experiencing a lot of anxiety.

His uncle who was his best friend died, and then his little brother died, and, so, in his life, who's safe?

We're just consistently having to reassure him.

He said to me, "Mom, you said he would get better.

You said he would get better."

And I just had to say, you're right, I did.

Our middle child is far more emotional.

He was horrified.

It was very, very hard on him.

He just sat with this blank stare, and nobody could even communicate with him.

He was completely shut off.

Our littlest boy, a lot of aggression, and just strange behaviors that are not characteristic to who he really is, and so, I look at my kids and I know that they need that fight that I know that is in me somewhere, but I just feel like I have nothing left to give.

I’ve realized very early on that if I could not take hold of my grief on my own that I could not help my family.

It is an important step for me to be able to gain the strength that I need, um, to move forward and give my children everything that they need.

♪♪ I’m embarrassed to admit that I don't know very much about my family history.

I know we had some family that joined the LDS Church in, um, Italy-- [boy crying] Boy 1: Mom!

- What happened?

Aww... - We were bouncing the-- we were bending it down-- Boy 1: [crying] Is it bloody?!

- No, it's no bloody.

'Cause you need to wash your hands, and Daddy's gonna help you, Daddy's right here, he's gonna help you wash your face and your hands, okay?

Um, our son Cardon is actually named after that family that lived in Utah that owned a jewelry store, but honestly, beyond that, I really-- I don't know much.

[laughs nervously] I’m headed to the family history library in Salt Lake City, Utah, to see what I can learn because heaven knows I have a lot to learn.

[chuckles] ♪♪ - In family history, we start with what we know, and then, we work from the known to the unknown.

- Okay.

♪♪ - Okay, well, I think with this information, we probably want to go to the Social Security Death Index.

- All right, I trust you.

- And then, we can go from there.

- You're the professional, let's do it.

- They have birth, marriage, and death records.

They have cemetery records, war records, military records, maps, they have all sorts of things to help you find your family.

♪♪ Natalie: I just think that this is amazing, look at this.

Brad: I know!

Natalie: [laughs] Brad: And this is just the beginning.

Natalie: It is, it's just kind of amazing how fun it is, like, in a weird way, but it's fun.

Brad: I actually found some interesting information about some of your family members.

Right over here-- - I hope it's juicy.

Both: [laugh] - It's interesting for sure.

So, we have here Elias Adams.

- Okay.

- Now, he was born in 1792, in Marlboro, Vermont.

He was married to your ancestor, Almira.

Served in the War of 1812, joined the Latter-day Saint Church in 1843.

Went and lived in Nauvoo until he finally reached the Utah Valley in 1850.

When he got here, he wasn't just sitting on his laurels, he actually was what we think of as-- - What the heck is a laurel?

- Just sitting, sitting on his... - [laughing] - on his backside.

- [laughter continues] Brad: He was involved in irrigating, he was a, a leader of his community, basically helped plan parts of Salt Lake Valley, so he really was a true pioneer.

- Cool.

- Now his wife, Almira, there's actually very little about her, surprisingly.

Natalie: First wife of Elias Adams was Almira Cadwell, whom he married in 1823.

She died about 1836.

Brad: So, that's really all that we have, kind of tragic, in a way.

- Yeah.

- That we know so much about Elias and his, his history, and then, we have almost nothing about her.

It might be a good idea for you to go to the Illinois Historical Society, and I think that you'll probably be able to find a lot more information there, so I think that it would be a good idea to find out more about her.

- I’d love to.

Like, if there was nothing written about me, if I felt like I lived and I died, and it was of little consequence, the thought of that makes me feel sick.

And so, I think about this woman and I think, I want people to know who she was, and if all she has is one sentence, I-- that just doesn't feel fair to her, so it's interesting, I’m excited to go, um, to Illinois, Brad suggested that's where we go next, and learn some more about, about her, and see what we can find.

I really have no idea where to begin.

I’m looking for a name that maybe I’ll recognize.

Almira Cadwell.

Goodness.

This is kind of like trying to find a needle in a haystack, and I’m not gonna lie and pretend like it’s the most fun thing I’ve ever done, 'cause this is kind of, is not fun right now.

I don't think we're gonna find anything in here.

Okay, 1836.

[laughs] Elias Adams: A Pioneer Profile.

How about that?

Okay, so, it talks about her family here.

"Elias wisely took pregnant Almira "and little Mary Ann back to Madison County, "where Almira could receive better care "for the birth of their second child, a daughter, Selecta... "In spite of their precautions, Selecta died later that winter."

♪♪ Their first son was born, another daughter and another son, and another child.

Gave birth to George Washington Adams.

Seven children.

They had so many kids.

Six days after Joseph Samuels's birth, Elias' 11-year-old daughter Lizetta died.

A family tradition indicated she died from the effects of accidental burns.

Elias filed a divorce complaint with the circuit court of Adams County in June 1836.

[pencil clacks] ♪♪ This just makes me sad.

To think of her with all those kids, or him, I don't know what happened.

Yeah, 1836, they filed for divorce, and her death was also 1836.

So, she had a child, she got a divorce, and she passed away all in the same year.

Um, I just, it's just so curious to me that there's not-- I’m not finding more information on what happened.

I think I might need to ask somebody's help.

Excuse me, I found this document and I’m having a hard time determining exactly what it is.

I’m specifically interested in this woman here, Almira Adams.

- Well, it looks like you have an 1850 federal census record.

- And will you explain to me what a census is?

Jean: Um, the census is a listing of people who were living in a certain area in a certain time.

- So, that would mean that in 1850, Almira Adams was alive and living in Adams County.

- Yes.

The gentleman who is-- would be considered the head of the household is actually the keeper of the poor house.

- Oh, my goodness.

Jean: The residence is the poor house.

- What does that say?

- That says pauper.

She was poor, in other words.

- So, almost like a homeless shelter.

- In today's terms, yes.

Natalie: Okay.

I also found a bill of divorce, and so, I’m not sure where I need to go to fill in the gaps, 'cause clearly, she didn't pass away in 1836.

Jean: The courthouse, which is here in Quincy, might have the actual record of the divorce in other words, testimony that might have taken place.

- So, as long as they-- the divorce was filed here in Quincy, we would have record of that at the courthouse.

- It should be there.

- Okay.

♪♪ Hi, Randy, I’m Natalie.

Randy: Nice to meet you, Natalie.

- It's really nice to meet you.

Randy: You'll get a real true sense of how these records... Natalie: It's so amazing to me that these records are kept.

Randy: We have records going back to 1825.

- That is remarkable to me!

Randy: As we go this direction... Natalie: Wow!

- they get older.

- These are so cool!

[box scrapes] - Set them up there.

[metallic clang] - It almost feels like we shouldn't be touching these.

Randy: Yeah!

Natalie: [laughs] Randy: Almost need gloves.

Natalie: Yeah, right?

Randy: Sometimes.

Can I-- - Elias Adams, Almira Adams.

Oh, my goodness, can I open it?

Randy: Yes.

Natalie: I mean, this paper just feels like it's a million years old.

Randy: Oh, okay, there's another.

- To the honorable Richard Young, judge of the circuit, blah blah blah.

"During a considerable portion "of their married life "he has had cause to complain of his said wife, "on account of her general ill usage "of him and their children, "that her conduct in this respect "has constantly grown worse, "and within a year or two past, "she has been guilty of many acts "of extreme and repeated cruelty, "that he has often been compelled "to neglect his business and remain at home "to protect the children from the excessive severity with which she treats them when he was absent."

It's just-- this is just remarkable to me.

I had, I had no, no idea.

This was probably the furthest thing from my mind.

Wow.

♪♪ Definitely not what I expected at the beginning of this journey.

You know, after the kinds of things that I found today, it's hard not to just want to quit and just say, I don't even care anymore.

Yeah, I hate what she did, what she was accused of doing, but she still is my blood, and I don't wanna throw her under the bus.

So, um, it's just-- it's totally different.

This is such a different experience than I thought it was going to be.

[car engine rumbles] ♪♪ Maybe I’ve been misled, or maybe there's more to the story that I don't understand.

- I don't believe Elias knew that she was expecting.

♪♪ Natalie: "During a considerable portion "of their married life, "he has had cause to complain of his said wife, "on account of her generall ill usage of him and their children."

You know, after the kinds of things that I found today, it's hard not to just want to quit.

♪♪ I figure I’ve come this far, I may as well, um, explore every possible avenue.

Maybe I’ve been misled, or maybe there's more to the story that I don't understand.

I have an email here from Shirleen Farley, who apparently has been one of the biggest contributors to the Adam's family history, and I think she might be able to shed more light on Almira's life.

So, the information that I have found on her, um, has just been discouraging, and then, the compassion that I still felt for her in trying to kind of make all that fit in my mind at the same time.

- Well, but it does fit when you, when you research all of the documents.

My first surprise about Almira was not that she lived longer than we thought she did, but that she had another child.

- After George Washington?

- Yes.

I don't believe Elias knew that she was expecting.

But then he filed divorce, the sheriff came out, served her with papers.

How would you have felt at the time you lost your child, if your husband sent divorce papers to your home?

I think that's another thing that maybe she did, that she thought, I’ve lost everything, at least I have this child.

And if she could keep him with her, she had something.

And then he died, because he died at five.

- So, she lost three?

[emotional] Just the pain of losing one.

But to lose three?

I c-- [sighs] Shirleen: I know your anguish because when I was your age, I also lost a child and then, I lost an older son.

- [cries] - And I-- that's one reason that I searched for Almira, 'cause I knew about her loss.

And she couldn't, she couldn't cover Elias, he couldn't cover her, and it just deteriorates.

- And there was no one to help.

Like, it's so different.

Shirleen: Her mother was gone.

Natalie: Yeah.

♪♪ Shirleen: I believe she's right here where we're standing, and I think she's saying, "Go, girl.” Both: [laugh emotionally] - And you know, I think she's saying, you know, be strong and help your children through this because she couldn't help hers.

You'll be okay, you have the strength of your ancestors.

And they were good people who cared and loved about their children the same way that you do.

Natalie: You've shed in so much light on this for me.

[sniffles] Ugh, let's get out of this freezing cold wind, shall we?

Shirleen: Let's go have a cup of chocolate.

Natalie: Seriously!

♪♪ If I had to describe Almira... [voice breaks] I would describe her as a woman of so much courage.

If I had to... talk about her, I would talk about her as a woman who lost so much, and who-- just in the fact that she survived is a success.

[leaves rustling] ♪♪ Woman 2: [over the phone] [sing-song] Hello!

Natalie: Hi, Mom.

Natalie's mom: Where are you going now?

Natalie: Well, that's what I was gonna ask you.

I'm, I’m closing the book on Almira, I feel like, you know, I’ve-- I have so much information and I can now leave her a good legacy.

Um, but I’m wondering if you have any kind of recommendation of who else I should be looking into, because this journey isn't over for me, and I still am interested in, in who else I can learn about, but I need some guidance.

Natalie's mom: Yeah.

I’ve been thinking so, so much about Grandma Nitten's grandmother.

- Grandma Nitten's not mother, but grandmother?

Annie: Let's see, my, my great-grandmother, your great-great-grandmother.

- Okay.

Annie: Her name was Lucy Smith Cardon.

- Lucy Smith Cardon, okay.

Annie: I know you can go to Logan and learn a lot about her there.

Natalie: My mom said something really interesting.

She said I was given the opportunity to almost give Almira strength, and she thinks that Lucy will be a really good one for me to draw strength from.

Um, so, we are headed to Logan, Utah.

♪♪ Woman 3: Hi.

Natalie: Hi, my name is Natalie.

Woman 3: Hi.

Natalie: You might have information on one of my ancestors, Lucy Smith.

She's, um, daughter of Thomas X. Smith.

- Yes.

- Okay.

- Thomas X. and his wife Margaret-- Natalie: Okay.

Sarah: --are the parents of Lucy and Orson.

- That's her?

Sarah: That's Lucy as an old woman.

♪♪ In 1871, when she was 19, I think, she and Thomas married.

'72 and '74, she had her first two, then in, um, 1876, she had Eugene.

- So, all just two years apart.

- 1878.

- Yeah.

- She had Elmer, but these two little babies just lived a few months.

- Aw, both of them, oh goodness.

- One right after the next.

- That's horrible.

Sarah: Another, um, significant year was 1893, and, um, a couple of things happened that year.

One, there was a big stock market panic or-- that really affected Thomas, and his company really took a dive, really took a nosedive.

- Her husband, Thomas?

- Her husband.

Mm-hm, her husband, Thomas.

And then, that year, he passed away as well.

- Oh, my goodness.

Sarah: And then, this is what happened right after he died, immediately, people came in, and because his business had been in such a bad state-- Natalie: Mm-hm.

- --they took all the animals, they took everything, everything.

So, she was basically left with nothing except for her wagon.

- Oh my gosh.

- And all of her kids.

Natalie: Seven kids, one wagon.

Logan, Utah.

Sarah: I mean, every picture you see of her will be this very serious, somber expression, and you can kind of see why... Natalie: Yeah.

- I mean, her life was pretty darn serious.

Natalie: And who else is in this, is in this image, do we know?

- That I can't answer, that's a good Jim question.

You've gotta meet Jim Macfarlane, he put this together, he'll be able to tell you who everybody is.

Natalie: Okay, wonderful.

Thank you so much!

- You're welcome!

Natalie: I’m interested to see how she prevailed, and so, I’m really anxious to go and meet with this man, who wrote the book on Lucy so I can see what kind of inside information he might be able to give me.

♪♪ Thank you so much for meeting with me!

I really appreciate it.

Jim: I’m so glad to do that.

Natalie: You're great.

Jim: The Bluebird Cafe was started by her son, Guy Cardon.

Natalie: And that's one of...?

- And that i-- Guy is right there, and Guy-- Natalie: So, they were entrepreneurs, weren't they?

Jim: Yeah, In fact, there's Guy Cardon's picture right there on the left, as an older man.

This is a picture taken of her, probably in her 90s.

You know about her long life.

- "Logan's oldest resident reaches 99th birthday!"

[laughs] - You know, she was known as Logan's Aunt Lucy.

Both: [laugh] - She was warm and she always was reaching out to people around her.

Natalie: Mm-hm.

Jim: If somebody had a need, Lucy was the first one there.

- Wow.

Jim: It took me two years to write this book, and I would write a little bit, and then I would think about what I had just written and what I just heard, and it was one thing after another.

Nine different deaths in her family.

Some have to face unbelievable odds.

Maybe we can go over to the church-- - Oh, I would love to.

- --for a minute.

Natalie: I would love to.

♪♪ Jim: Lucy spent 90 years of her life in this ward.

This is the place that Lucy walked, this is the place where Lucy sat, and this is the place where Lucy gained strength.

Uh, inside this sacred building was the anchor to her soul.

♪♪ The last time I was here was at Lucy's funeral.

Natalie: Wow.

Jim: And this place was overflowing!

Natalie: [chuckles] Jim: You know, when somebody's 100 years old, they've outlived all their friends.

- But not Lucy!

- But not Lucy.

Natalie, there's one more thing I’d like you to read.

Natalie: Mm.

Jim: This is an article that appeared in the Relief Society magazine, you can kinda get a feeling for her.

- "Years of public service remove all sham, "and reveal a spirit aglow with an inner glory.

"This is true of Sister Cardon.

"87 years have added to the charm "of her gracious dignity, "stately baring and humility of soul.

"Her life is a lesson "in the power of serenity and understanding "to shed great peace.

"Her courage and faith "through all the trials of life "have given strength to so many of those "who know and love her.

"Her dignity, her wonderful service "and inspiring personality will live with us always "as a monument to a life made perfect.

"She truly exemplifies Relief Society in its highest form.” [sniffles] ♪♪ Jim: And you know, her, her most famous statement, and it goes on and on in every death that I can record, she always said the same thing.

"We have much to be thankful for.” Sometimes, we t-- we take too much time thinking about the things that happened, instead of what we still have.

And you still have a lot, Natalie.

- Yeah.

He obviously has done so much research and come to really know her.

Just to feel a significance of a woman who passed through so many hardships and so much trial, and yet, gave her life away in service.

She simply opened her heart even more.

To not focus on what's been taken away, but to focus on all that we have still been given, all we have left.

I believe that Almira and Lucy and my brother and my son, I really believe that they reach out to us in love, and that they want to be a part of our journey.

I believe that with my whole heart, and I couldn't have said that a week ago.

I couldn't have said a week ago that I believed that, but I know it to be true now, and I, um, just want to get home to my boys and share that.

Who's back there?!

I’m ready to see my kids.

I missed them so much.

Aw.

I did have a lot of fear about what was coming next in my life.

Guys!

Through this journey, I’ve realized that it was an ever-present, um, emotional struggle for me, that, you know, what else could possibly come?

And I, I was-- I think I have harbored a lot of fear over my living children.

That doesn't frighten me anymore.

I have the strength to prevail, and I will think often of Almira and of Lucy, and of the legacy that they have left.

♪♪ You'd better have been.

[laughs] ♪♪