This week on Arizona illustrated a Navajo Mustang, It was great that I was not a trainer, and I was instead like a theorist of like colonial systems.v Expungements in Arizona.

And now that we live in a legalized world, we have to atone for the fact that people have had their lives destroyed them.

So they them is a pronoun choice that I think encapsulates the most to me.

I don't think it's enough, but it is.

It's good enough for now.

And the Loft Cinema took us two years to negotiate it, but we purchased the theater in November 2002 and turned it into a nonprofit.

Welcome to Arizona Illustrated.

I'm Tom McNamara.

We're here on the University of Arizona campus in Tucson, the land and territories of the Oodham and the Yaqui tribes In fact, Arizona is home to 22 federally recognized tribes, including Diné or Navajo.

Next, meet Professor Kelsey John, who describes an aspect central to her Navajo culture horses and tells the story of her relationship with one Mustang in particular.

In the Navajo Way, my dad taught me, horses have been with Navajos since the beginning of time.

I remember him saying people will try to tell you that they came with the Spanish, but we know they've been with us forever.

[Speaking in Navajo language] My mom is white.

My dad is Diné.

Because of that, they come from such different background, but what they always had in common was this love and respect for horses.

I teach at the University of Arizona.

I'm an assistant professor.

I have a joint appointment in gender and women's studies and American Indian studies.

I met Bambi in 2018 while I was still working on my dissertation research.

I just remember the first time that I saw her, I just, it was like, how people describe love at first sight.

I was working on my dissertation research, which was in partnership with Navajo Nation, and I was researching horse knowledges and horse narratives in my community while I was doing that work I was away from my family's horses.

I found Four Corners Equine Rescue just through searching on the internet.

They did allow volunteers to come and I just felt good to be in my in my boots again and out smelling horses, and I just immediately was like, yeah, this feels good to me.

We've been at 17 years over 450 horses have come through our gate.

And what we do here is rescue horses and donkeys and mules.

The majority of our herd is Mustang.

Russell's a Mustang, seven years old, I believe Carson's a Mustang gelding who was wild when we got him.

He's making the transition.

She introduced me to all the horses, and she said, this is Bambi.

She's a Mustang.

What is a Mustang?

I mean, that's like a honestly, that's a philosophical question for me.

So some people will say that a Mustang is basically just a feral horse that has escaped out into the wild from domestication and just like lived and reproduced in the wild.

People say that Mustangs are originally a specific Spanish breed of horse.

That's probably the story that you would find in most books or histories about Mustangs.

The wild horse represents this untamed, untouched wild west.

It represents this kind of idyllic trope in the American story of like, we tamed this, but we want to leave some of it wild because it reminds us that we tamed it kind of like national parks.

Right.

So like, we're going to leave this wilderness even though we've developed everything else.

Well, Bambi was part of a herd that was rounded up, Bambi was very thin, very frightened, and that's why we called her Bambi.

What she's been through, you know, getting rounded up going from free range to all of a sudden enclosed, that's not a good feeling.

I totally get it like she needs time and she needs relationship, and she needs somebody to help her understand that it can be OK, you can thrive in this environment.

We have had her for a short time at a professional trainers facility, and it just was not working.

When Kelsey came, we had a conversation about Bambi, and she said, well I'd like to work with her to see if I can help her.

She was very timid, incredibly shy, super scared of everything.

I kind of feel like maybe I was the same way, like the two of us were kind of clammed up in our own ways.

And so we saw that in each other and we're like, OK, we're going to help each other move past this like we can we can grow and we can do it together.

I did not know how to train a horse.

That was probably the best thing for me because I just listened to her went at her pace and because of that, we we just learned so much together.

I mean, a horse teaches you how to train a horse.

She's the one who taught me.

Until Kelsey started working with Bambi, I don't think Bambi ever trusted anybody.

The only way I really know how to understand the world is through this lens of kind of a critical understanding that there are systems and narratives that are deeply oppressive to certain people.

So because I think in that way, I couldn't separate that from my relationship with her.

And I have always paid attention to her objections.

That's where it was great that I was not a trainer and I was instead like a theorist of like colonial systems.

Eventually, it was time for me to kind of graduate and move on.

You know, I didn't know what her future was going to be Some horses stay in rescues like for a really long time or their whole life, and I'm like, you are a Mustang Like, you need pasture.

you need a herd.

You know, you need to have, like the best life that you can have And that's what I wanted to give to her so that I was like, OK, I'm doing it.

I'm adopting her.

Mustangs have so much more to teach us than domestic horses.

They have so much more to teach us about ourselves.

For me to truly love Bambi I have to work on my anthropocentrism like, that's an act of love.

In 2020 criminal justice reform came to thousands of Arizonans with the passage of Prop 207.

Now, while some view marijuana legalization as a revenue and a recreational opportunity for people of color who were disproportionately impacted with convictions, the burden of a criminal record can finally be lifted, and several clinics in town are helping with the sometimes daunting prospect of expungement.

This is David Gutierrez.

He is one of tens of thousands of people in Arizona who have a criminal record for something that is no longer illegal.

And he's trying to do something about it.

I got pulled over.

There was three cartridges that were like hidden in my center console, like on the very bottom, like I don't remember them there, and they classified as a felony arrest.

On November third, 2020, 60% of Arizona voters passed Proposition 207, legalizing recreational marijuana for adults over 21.

This bill also contained language that would allow people like David to expunge their records after July 12, 2021.

Unlike some states which cleared these records automatically, Arizonans need to file a petition themselves.

The National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, or NORML started hosting clinics to help people with the process Your conviction, do you know if It was through Superior court, City Court or Justice court We are doing our second expungement clinic in Tucson here at the Harambe Bay Cafe.

At that point in time, I was an employee of University of Arizona.

I was working in the athletic department.

I've been there like over like ten years.

I did the whole program.

I did all that.

And they're like, No, we can't.

That's a shame.

Yeah.

Well, hopefully expungement.

Will help you.

You know, definitely.

It's hard hearing these stories, especially for marijuana convictions.

You know, a substance that is now totally legal as long as you're over 21 to use recreationally.

And yet, just a few years ago, he lost his job.

And now that we live in a legalized world, we have to atone for the fact that people have had their lives destroyed by the prohibition of marijuana and that particularly our communities of brown and black people, have been incredibly disproportionately impacted by the prohibition.

You also have any marijuana violation from 2008.

Probably so.

I got a 2013, a 2008 and a 2018.

What's interesting was he came in and just told us about the 2018 case, and I dug through his records and found those two other cases So we took care of those too.

When they leave this clinic today.

They will have the actual petition in an email PDF file to actually then be able to file their petition for expungement.

You got to go to whichever court it is.

Justice Court will submit that paperwork.

All right.

Every other customer of mine that comes into my barber shop could use this right now, and they would rather come here than have to go downtown.

You know what I mean?

Even though you're not in any kind of trouble still gives you that vibe.

We're like, Oh my God.

You know, it's a pleasure meeting you, man.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

There are over.

A few weeks later, southern Arizona Normal took David up on his offer and hosted another clinic in the back of his barbershop, hoping the convenient location would attract more people.

G's barbershop we're right here on Speedway and Campbell.

It's fun to work here, man.

Look at everybody.

I've got a bunch of characters here.

I don't want to go on what they look like, but no, we got good people here, man.

It's it's always fun here.

So everybody in the back right now is helping out the people like myself get their records expunged.

We're seeing expungement clinics in areas where the people who 287 is supposed to be helping get into this space or helping to have some space in this space.

That's not where it's happening.

So the idea to have it at a barbershop that's close to downtown and close to South Tucson and where you have a more diverse population of people.

Zsa Zsa Simone Brown is with Acre 41, an organization aimed at helping communities that were disproportionately affected by the war on drugs.

To understand expungement and gain a foothold in the new marijuana industry.

This is the first time Arizona is doing expungements of any type.

And so when you would talk to someone about the expungement, the first thing is, oh, Arizona doesn't do expungement a ha!

, but we do now.

But it's only in regards to 207.

This is our 17th clinic and we find that our clinics are highly successful.

But the same time, we'd like to be reaching more people Even at the new location.

Only a few people showed up, and that is consistent with what's happened across Pima County.

As this law has rolled out, the process has been moving slowly.

David Gutierrez is one of only a couple hundred people who've had their records expunged, even though thousands of people qualify.

We estimate there's hundreds of thousands of people in the state of Arizona who quite possibly have expungable offenses.

There was money through Prop 207 that did go to an organization, Arizona Justice Project, and they have a big coalition of people working that are just now starting to do clinics.

We want as many people doing expungement clinics as possible because the more people doing the clinics, obviously, the more people will be able to reach and help.

One of Em Bowen's powers as a human being as having gone through different cycles of gender expressions And Em uses that knowledge to teach others how to unwind the stories given to us about our own lives and bodies.

[Em] My name is Em my pronouns, are they and them?

I'm a movement coach, teacher and a stand up comedian.

Next thing I want you to do.

We're going to stay in this position, you're going to reach over to one side.

You're going to stretch your side body, your lats.

We are given stories that are told about our bodies.

And I think strangely, training for me and personal training and like working with people in their bodies is less about like how many squats you can do and more about how can you unwind those old stories that do not serve you and your existence on this planet and your your capacity to feel joy and do the things that you want And how can you tell news stories, you know, inhabit the body from that space that there is inherent knowledge there waiting for you?

And especially people who are told that their bodies are expendable, that their bodies are not worthwhile or don't have as much value or just people who are just kind of asked to not be at home in their bodies and like, that's just what that's supposed to be good enough for them surviving, supposed to be good enough.

My gender identity and what I seem to face on a daily basis, my gender in general is the idea of coherency and like, do these things fit to make a complete person?

Like, Does it match?

And I find that often it does not.

I've learned recently that it does match.

It's just he doesn't have to match.

Lately, I've had to now go back through all these years of my life and all these different points and contend with the fact that I was always kind of out of myself.

And it's kind of sad, actually.

There's a grief of life, I was so uncomfortable and I didn't have language for it.

And this is not to say the discomfort is stopped because when you're someone who you don't fit into the hegemony, right, you're not white.

You're not of a certain socioeconomic setting.

You're not able bodied when you're not one of those things, you're always going to be at odds with things like you could be a complete peace within yourself.

I feel very peaceful, but it doesn't mean that I'm not going to go out in the world and find friction.

Friction where other people are not finding it.

So you might have seen in the advertising for the show that this is an all female lineup, and I'm here to tell you that it's false Look, I am here in here and I can legally show you my nipple But let me tell you is the same nipple I had when I had breast that the same one so that's all about...

Stand up for me is is very much me taking these stock points of these things that I'm like, I don't know how to make sense of this moment.

This is a hard moment or this is a confusing moment or this is a ridiculous moment.

And then I write jokes through it, but I do not make fun of my queerness or my transness And I really try to when I tell jokes to stay within my lane.

Like, I find that the reason that comedy is helpful and therapeutic to me is that I'm speaking only and exclusively from my own experience about my own experience, because that's all I know.

What is enough?

How much do we have to hurt or rejoice for it to mean something rather does meaning run along an ever changing continuum ?

Or are we all arrested to a simple formula that determines whether we can rightfully feel what is present in our infallible hearts?

I think that a part of my power as a human being is that I've gone from different cycles of expressions So I think when I was more like feminine, sis, apparent female, like I was yelled out out the window people, you know, cross boundaries with me frequently.

And then when I was like a butch like queer person or like really more like androgynous looking people ignored me, which that was something I didn't realize was happening.

And now, as a masculine appearing white person, it's like super entertaining to be approached differently now.

I was like, OK, maybe it's really hard being a white man, but now I have this proof that there is there is a problem here.

You know, I have a lot more choice without anyone questioning me like, there's this.

This is inherent respect and there's a lot less labor that I have to do to make it through the world, and it is much more easeful to be than my previous experiences.

When I was more feminine or daring, no one called me sister They were always like young twelve year old child, why are you at the brewery by yourself?

Where is your parents?

My medical transition was like, I mean, honestly, my voice dropped.

Other than that, it wasn't it was not super interesting.

Like, my personality didn't drastically change.

I was still myself.

I didn't realize that everything was so boring and normal.

Like, I was just like, Oh, this is this is pretty uninteresting.

I wasn't doing that kind of like documentation recounting the history of my transition.

But then I'm in front of a seventh grade classroom.

I'm in front of a full class of like people doing like weightlifting stuff, right coaching.

I'm on a stage and I there was just one point where I realized I was like, Wow, for someone who wanted to be really private I am literally transitioning in front of people.

And I got to say, when you're in a seventh grade classroom.

Everyone's going through puberty, the boys are the girls are.

I am, I'm going through my second puberty, but like, we're all going through it and it's really funny.

So I don't think my experience is that unique.

I think everyone better get prepared for it because it's going to happen to you.

Your hormones are going to shift.

So I'm a language person.

I have an MFA in creative writing.

I've always been into languages and the specificity of language.

So they them is a pronoun choice that I think encapsulates the most to me.

I don't think it's enough, but it is.

It's good enough for now, I believe a multiplicity of truths.

I believe that truth can be happening simultaneously.

I believe that I can have be having different emotions in my body all at once.

one doesn't cancel out the other.

I think the more that you start to think that way, that there isn't this left and right, this binary thing with western rational way of thinking, it kind of like breaks the spell.

A lot of the ways that we speak to children, especially in early grades and even beyond that are in these very gendered formats.

And it leaves little space for children to be as they truly are.

It not only makes trans kids or gender creative children safer, but it also ensures that all other children are allowed to like the things that they like without fear of retribution or being made fun, they get to be their whole selves to.

They don't know all the answers, like I don't know how to make people comfortable with people who are different than them, I don't know how to ease things within our systems of oppression that we live in.

But I do think that the biggest thing I'm learning is that there's this interesting dichotomy between one's own individual work and really being honest with oneself and one's family and one's history.

And then also being responsible to an answering to your community.

That's why I think the multiplicity thing is so important, because I think you can acknowledge what's going really well for you, simultaneously acknowledging things that are also difficult and hard to.

And I think you have to be able to do both those things to honor your own experience, but also recognize your own power so that you can use it to work from your privilege to counteract systems of oppression.

Movie theaters were hit hard during the pandemic.

Most were forced to shut down and some never reopened.

However, the much beloved Loft Cinema, a cornerstone of the Tucson community, managed to return after a year of being closed.

Up next, we share an excerpt from our September 2019 story that provides a brief history of this internationally recognized independent film house.

In 1970, to transition from basically a porn theater to an art cinema, the man who owned it gifted it to his daughter, who really wanted to run an art theater.

I used to be at Fremont and sixth in a very funky space everybody who's ever was there will use that word.

And then it moved here in 91.

And then in 2000, there was a for sale sign up.

I saw the sign go up.

And my heart stopped because I didn't think I wanted to live in Tucson anymore without the loft, it was too central to my life.

My husband and I seriously considered moving.

Took us two years to negotiate it, but we purchased the theate in November of 2002 and turned it into a nonprofit.

We closed and gave the keys and where the owners and have to start running it like that day, 2006.

We had the perfect storm of events.

Catalina had closed, which was a big competition.

We hired Jeff as program director and we got Brokeback Mountain, which was until last year our biggest box office hit.

I wish I knew how to quit, you know?

You come into the loft and you know, you're not at a corporate chain theater and you know, you're not in Texas and you know, you're not in California, it's pretty Tucson.

You know, and I think that that local kind of funkiness of our theater is very specific to Tucson.

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Thank you for joining us here on Arizona Illustrated.

I'm Tom McNamara.

We'll see you next week.