(light somber music) - [Officer] Morning.

- Morning, excuse me.

Morning, Daniel.

- Morning, morning.

(light somber music) - I am not an overly complicated person, but I like to take life serious because I feel like I have a lot of things that I have to make up for.

You can tell it's... - That's beautiful man, the clouds.

- Nah, usually the sun be like right there.

- Nice.

- Kewanee Horizon baby.

- Oh man.

Three weeks, bro.

- Journey almost over.

New season coming.

- Yeah, it's coming.

I'm 42 years old.

I've been incarcerated for 24 years.

My release date is October 19th, 2022, in 23 days.

It's crazy how something so small can change everything.

You know, you look back, 24 years is a long time.

8,000 days is a long time.

Doing this time, you see so many people who didn't make it or who lost family members and so, it's like you get close and then you just biting your nails.

You want to be happy but it's like, I'll be happy when I finally walk out the gate.

Kewanee is classified as a life skills re-entry center but a lot of people don't really understand what that entails.

(ambient music) You're thinking maybe career, maybe a skill set, but it's more than that because you're talking about restoring people to civility, to citizenship.

That is a big task because you have to take everybody here and look at us on an individual level and say, "Okay, what is it that was problematic that got you here?

What is it that caused you to do what you did to end up into this place?"

Yes.

Bro, I gotta finish Joe's resume man.

And so for everybody, it's like helping everybody else.

What's your official position title?

It's just staff helping us.

- Welder/painter.

- He does the same thing.

- No, Joe was... - We have to help one another.

I'ma put Joe as more of a fabricator.

- We host a lot of peer leg groups because everybody's not comfortable with talking about their problems, their addictions, you know, being vulnerable.

What's happening, bro?

What you reading?

- It's "Four Agreements" for the book club.

- What is it?

What is it?

- Being impeccable with your word but don't take things personal, don't make assumptions.

Always do your best.

- Is that what you're teaching in the spoken word group?

- Nah.

- Nah?

(people laughing) - Nah.

The spoken word group is about us as men coming together and not being afraid of being judged or... - A lot of men don't understand what it means to expose their vulnerabilities 'cause you're like, "Ah man, somebody's gonna to use it against me or mock me," and things like that, the ego.

So, how you gonna wait it off?

- They say the TV is an idiot box but why can't it be a box we pop the top on to escape this box?

- [Nicholas] I don't have to feel bad about going and sitting the guy down and talking to him, where he can cry or vent because in other facilities, it's like you don't have the time, you don't have the space.

- For us, this is like... - [Nicholas] Staff is like, "Eh, that's not what that is."

You're always looked at as a gang member or like you're doing something sneaky.

- If we look at the box and say, "This is us, a depiction of what I can and won't be."

This is only a idiot box to the idiot who came up with the phrase.

(people laughing) - And that's what Kewanee does.

It gives us the platform and the freedom.

to like help one another.

That's gonna be good though.

The brothers going really...

I think that'll break the mold so that way, brothers can really open up, 'cause we here.

- Yeah.

- All that tough stuff got us here.

- Yeah.

- I'm over it.

Talking about exposing our vulnerabilities, you know how... Man, that's hard for us to do.

It's a lot of work.

- Yeah.

- I grew up on the south side of Chicago, Woodline, but as I got older, my mother moved to Hyde Park.

I think I was a child that was caught in between the two.

My mother worked two jobs.

She really made a lot of sacrifices to ensure that I had a good childhood.

I was always embarrassed of how smart I was.

As an only child, I sought friends in the streets and I would smother my own sensibilities of knowing right from wrong just to try to appease those friends and that's kind of how I ended up in the gang.

The admiration that the guys will receive, respect, people knew who they were.

Oh there it is.

That's what I idolized, that's what I want to be like.

This is my Marseilles' bunk, this is my bunk.

Confines are quite tight.

I had just turned 18 a few months prior, heavy into the gang life.

This is for books, papers and things of that nature.

Wanted to be, you know, renowned, and so we thought it was a good idea to stick up some dope dealers.

Living in a washroom for 8,000 days.

I mean, literally, this is pretty much what we are given to work with.

We carjacked and kidnapped a couple of guys and when we got to the residence, somebody was there with a gun.

Fired, obviously we fired back.

He lost his life.

We all ran.

Myself and one of my co-defendants were caught 15/20 minutes right outside of the crime and charged with first degree murder.

The first phone call to my mother was crushing because my mother is a very, very strong woman and so to hear her cry and break down the way she did on the phone, it hit me.

There was a newspaper article that had been written.

She was like, "Oh my god.

Murder of all things?

What are you doing?"

Doing time in a lot of harsh places, you really understand, unless you have life imprisonment, trying to escape is not even really...

It makes no sense 'cause either you won't make it or it'll be worse on top of it, but being in someplace like this where you see people go home all the time, it's helpful 'cause it gives you a lot of inspiration.

I spent two and a half years in Cook County jail.

I did go to the law library.

I did do research.

I knew that a jury trial would immediately convict.

- All right (indistinct).

- And so, I took a bench, but I do recall when I was found guilty... - Take that thing down off your window also, please.

- The victim's father came in.

I apologized to him, I apologized to the court.

The judge, she sentenced me to 24 years.

Start doing the math and you will be 42 when you get out of prison.

That is a long time.

It hit me in Statesville.

I was 21.

They call it the sky and the wall for a reason.

Morning Officer Hewitt.

That's all you'll literally see.

- You're here for some work?

- Always.

(people laughing) It's a different ecosystem, the lifestyle, the way you're supposed to conduct yourself, especially if you're affiliated, and I mean, the reality is people can easily die in prison.

It happens.

At that time, corrections was a dark place.

There was a mentality of "crush them".

Strangely enough, I woke up with a headache.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Thinking too much.

- Yeah.

- The closer we get, the more you just start thinking about everything.

- Yeah.

- We were on lockdown and they would suit up in their uniforms and they would come in with batons and beat guys, literally unconscious.

Your life is always in danger and that's how you felt.

- Are you gonna go to work or not?

- Oh wow, that is awesome.

It took me to a state of depression, almost to a state of suicide.

When you're locked in the cell for 23 hours, you have nothing to do but think, "God, what have I got myself in?"

(ambient music) (gate clanking) (car engine roaring) (gate clanking) Monday morning.

(upbeat ambient music) Day release program was birthed about five years ago, to get people out into society, into real jobs, to give us a chance.

We need that.

I've been locked up since the nineties.

I literally had a pager.

Obviously, I had never been outside of a prison in decades, and so the day-to-day experience of going into a town... My first day, I knew it was going to be a lot.

Everybody knew.

A massive email went out, convicted murder going out.

Let's take our time, let's make sure that this don't go sideways.

And I get it, I do.

It's too many things that can go wrong.

I understood that and so I had to be professional, don't do anything that might make the facility look bad.

Don't do anything to make the people who you're representing look bad or anything like that.

But when I got out there, it was like, "Oh my god, it's a high school right there."

It was an overload.

And so I had to sit down.

It's an early morning and I'm watching the sunrise and everybody's making fun of me.

That's hot.

This is the thing I like the most, watching the sunrise through the trees.

That's why when the first day I came out here... - He was just telling that stuff.

- Yeah.

I sat here and that's what made me tear up, the small things like that, you know.

It really has an impact on you.

The experience of acclimating back.

Yeah, 'cause I don't know what they check (indistinct).

They pulled out a metal butter knife and I was like, "Oh my God, it's metal."

You know, these are the small things that you don't understand.

And that entire first week, it's almost like you have a hangover, you're sensitive to everything around you.

Took a lot.

It's still fragile, it's still in its infancy.

Oh man, it's nice out here.

The view of it is absolutely gorgeous.

I'm here and I hate to see it like that but the trees and it's peaceful, and you just can relax.

You're just like, "Wow, this is a cemetery."

Yeah, I mean it's full of people that have passed on, and then you start reading some of the headstones and you're like, "Man, some of these people were really young."

Being out there and taking care of it, people really appreciated it.

And so when people walk up to you and talk to you with civility and they're genuine and you got a big red inmate across your chest and they're like, "Whatever," it really helps.

You gotta remember 20 years ago when we all stepped in the corrections, even you, how dark it was.

- Sure.

- And then you gotta think about the guy that's sitting in the room with nothing, absolutely nothing, 21 hours a day, feeling hopeless, 20 years to do.

- Right.

- We didn't have tablets, we didn't have... Mail was a month out, you know?

You know how it is.

It was dark.

So now, to see corrections going the way that it's going, it's like, it's weird because we like... - It's a good weird.

- It's a good weird but it's like, when is the... - Is it gonna stay?

- Right.

Like, is this really how it's gonna go or is it gonna go back to the way it used to be where we... You're the enemy, we're in fist and cuffs and, you know, what are we gonna do?

- It's incentivized to, hey man, if I act right, you know, and get through this this time, I can be here at this place and doing this thing.

You know?

- Yeah, but the staff obviously plays a big role in that.

- [James] Huge.

- You know, to... Every day, I get good mornings and it's genuine.

It's not like it's some showcase, and that's one of the things I appreciate.

If I'm having a bad day or if I'm not feeling well or something like that, people will notice.

And for years, I've been told that society hates you because of the crime you committed, because of who you are, because of where you're from, so that weighs on you for years.

- [James] Sure, it's the only thing you know.

- And then when we're locked in a battle with staff, with officers, it's like, how can you not believe that?

So, to come full circle and to have people embrace you, it's soul-changing.

- It feels good.

- It changes you.

I'm still getting over the whole handshake thing.

Am I supposed to touch you?

You know, it's kind of iffy.

Good morning.

- Morning.

Prime example.

- Yeah.

Come on (indistinct).

I'm the 40 year old so... - The ride back is always quicker than the ride there.

- Feels like it.

My main co-defendant, he is actually the person who, you know, he admitted to it, firing a bullet, but I don't allow that to absolve me of the guilt because I'm convicted of accountability.

You know, I've done the time, accepted to blame.

Somebody lost their life, it was messed up.

I'm not looking to get out of that.

So, I try to just use it as, "Okay, I know what I did when I was 18 years old but this is who I am today," but I do still hold the guilt.

(indistinctive chatter) Oh shoot.

Well, let's not get it twisted.

Prison probably saved my life.

We were not the smartest out there in those streets.

The running joke is, people are like, "Well, I didn't need this much time to get myself together," but it's like, you know, we don't get to decide that.

The only thing that we can do is ensure that we are better men when we go out.

How you doing?

Where you going?

- Back to (indistinct) culture class, then I got the book club after that.

- I thought class was out here.

- We just turned over our compost pile and then... - I had been in Illinois River for 12 years.

What's going on?

- How's your day?

- You all right?

- It was good actually.

How you doing Barry?

You all right?

I think I had about 17 months to do, not to make it sound like that because I was like, "Well, what is Kewanee really gonna offer me?"

By this time I had my master's degree, I had an associate's degree, I'm fluent in languages.

I published books.

I had did everything beyond what prison could offer.

Y'all been taking the marigolds?

I've been popping them, deadheading them, just... - (indistinct) deadheading?

(indistinctive chatter) - Yeah.

- Yeah.

- They're growing so crazy though.

I didn't even bother 'cause- - Yeah.

- there's just so many of them.

- So I figured you probably had a... - Yeah, they'll probably seed themselves for next year.

- But that's the hubris of prison.

We think that we're okay and we forget that intellectually, you might be superior or you've grown but emotionally, I was still an 18 year old kid.

You're still a wreck 'cause you don't have that human engagement.

Hey, we 25 year dudes.

Listen, he gotta recognize we elders now.

You gonna keep playing them games, you ain't gonna get out the bed tomorrow.

I don't wanna smell no Ben Gay in the hallway.

I'm just letting you know, sir.

What's up, brother?

But you don't realize these things at the time.

Just understand.

And I tell a lot of the new guys about it, like, "Bro, don't miss the opportunity to understand who you are," to look at yourself and say, "Okay, what do I need to work on?"

Because we all, especially doing that much time, we all get messed up.

I just came down here to get my social skills up.

We going to talk about that.

I promise you that.

I love you too.

When I first got here, the staff was like unbelievably polite.

People would speak and I was like... And they took the time to learn your name, and that's a huge thing.

I don't feel like I'm at war anymore.

I feel like I'm, I guess, back to normal, you know, I feel like I'm a person.

I don't feel like an animal or a machine so... All right, this day is pretty much done.

(indistinct) marked, almost there.

(truck engine roaring) (ambient music) - You look good.

How do you feel?

Ready?

- Yeah.

Feel like I'm going to work.

- Has it hit you yet?

And is it your sister that's coming to get you?

- Yeah.

- [Officer] Well, lets head down that way.

- All right.

You gonna wheel the cart for me, sir?

- [Officer] Yeah, I'll wheel the cart.

- Ah, that is so awesome of you.

- Well, let's head on down there and see what they need.

We'll see the group and we'll go that way.

- I was at work out in the town at the cemetery.

- A round of applause.

(indistinctive chatter) - A round of applause, man.

(indistinctive chatter) Love you, bro.

- You still the first foot out.

- And so, they were like, "Okay, we gotta go back to the facility."

Y'all do the right thing.

That's when chaos ensued 'cause everybody was screaming at me and was like, "It's time to go.

Go get your property.

Go do this."

And I was like, "First off, when am I leaving?

Tonight or tomorrow?"

I need to know the logistics so... All right, brothers.

It was kinda overwhelming initially.

(laughs) I had to stay calm 'cause it came all of a sudden.

That's the thing with immediate release, they're told, "Release this person."

I will see y'all on the other side of that fence.

But we have to go through a process obviously.

So, somebody has to be sound mind.

(laughs) Seriously.

I've never been past this door.

This is like a... - This is the exit.

- I should feel excited and anxious and all that.

I don't know.

It's weird cause I don't really feel, I don't wanna say numb, I just feel like, "Okay, I'm here."

- So, today's date, your number, print and then sign.

- You know, and maybe because I've been going out for the past five months, I'm just like, "Okay, let's get started."

- I need you to open it up and count out the 85 that you got as cash.

- Oh, there's cash in here?

Are you sure that this is legal?

- No, it's okay.

- Why it looks so small?

I've been... - [Release Officer] That's it.

- I guess I was a kid when I got locked up.

- [Release Officer] You're no longer an individual in custody.

- No.

Nah.

- You're a free man.

- [Officer] You one of us.

- You did that.

- All right, man.

- Straight.

- Good luck.

Hope everything works out for you.

It ain't gonna be easy but... - Oh, I'm ready bro.

Y'all will see, you guys will see.

Trust me.

It's touching to know that a lot of people care.

Love y'all.

Because I care about them as well.

And that's why I kept telling 'em like... Y'all better do right.

Please continue to perform admirably because we are all a reflection of each other, and so, if you doing something contrary to what I'm fighting for, it looks bad on all of us.

Some people still can't receive good time.

I'm gonna continue to be an advocate for that because there's still a lot of people behind those walls that I care about.

They've been with me when my life was on the line, you know?

Some of them know me better than people out here.

So it's like, I can't just ignore that.

- It's not always been easy but you earned this and it ain't even about being free.

You just get to go be you.

I'm just excited to sit back and watch, see what you get to do.

- I'm grateful to you for this.

This is your redemption.

Out there is mine.

Listen, I am a citizen.

I am not a gang member.

- Yes you are.

- I am not a drug dealer.

That's over with.

I'm telling you bro, you got a jewel here.

- Yeah.

There's a lot of good dudes in there.

- And don't let nobody squander it.

- Good luck.

- You holding it in?

- I'm not even giving you good luck.

- Yeah.

- What's the first thing you're gonna do?

I always ask everybody.

Besides eat and... - I'm not thinking about food.

(indistinctive chatter) A bath?

No.

What?

Absolutely not.

- A lot of guys say they'll take a bath.

- Well, I gotta wait now.

I wanted to watch the sunrise but I wanna watch the sunset.

All right, man.

Look, I ain't gonna be out here with you all day because we'll be doing this all day and then we go get the crying and all this whole thing.

I ain't got time for this with you.

- Good luck, and you earned this.

- All right, bro.

I appreciate it.

(car engine roaring) God.

Don't make me cry.

I was released five days early from prison.

Should have been more but I'm grateful, five days that I didn't have to spend inside, and it's kind of morbid but you work at a cemetery and you kinda like, "Man, life is really short."

Now, my mind is just kinda like, "Stay positive.

Don't let the buffoonery overwhelm you.

Don't let other people's negative stuff overwhelm you because you know how bad it can get.

You know how short this experience on this planet is."

Oh, they might not even be here.

I have to enjoy it as much as I can and do what I said I was coming to do so... All right.

I thought my boss was going to be here.

Well, that sucks.

I was talking to my sister and I was telling her in the car, when we got further down, when I could see the bridges and the rivers and just a little bit different scenery, that took me back to, okay, this is what it was like pre-prison.

And so, all these old memories started coming back.

That's when it started hitting me like, "Man, I'm really free."

(indistinctive chatter) - Welcome home.

- It's been a long five years, ain't it?

- Come on, man.

(laughs) - That's weird.

- Oh man.

- It's starting to hit me a little bit.

- A little bit?

- That's what the neighborhood looks like again, huh?

- It's pretty quiet too.

- All right, get barefoot walking here.

- Yeah, so we both don't (indistinct).

- Listen, I'm not worried about it.

Right now, I'm in Dalton and my god-sister and her soon be husband's house, very loving people.

They opened up their home to me and allowed me to stay here- - Here we go.

- for as long as I need, which won't be that long.

Oh man.

- That's just in case if you needed an extra.

Get up in it.

Oh yeah, it's real.

(laughs) - Yeah, that's... - Go ahead, man.

Lay back.

Yeah.

- This good.

- [Sister] A real pillow.

- Come on, man.

Lay back on it.

- Nah, 'cause I might tear up then (people laughing) because you know, the prison beds are half the size.

- [Sister] So, now you don't know how to... - Well, they about the floor, which is...

I'm used to that.

- [Sister] Just right in the middle.

- Oh yeah.

- [Sister] And then just stretch out.

(laughs) - That's a little different.

- There you go.

- [Nicholas] Cool.

- There you go.

Got you reindeers.

- Well, this looks comfortable.

- Would you like to go on a cancer march tomorrow?

- Why not?

Well, I can't.

We gotta call a parole agent and then we gotta go do the registry so they can fingerprint me.

Oh, where are you?

Where are you?

The parole process itself is three years because of my case.

Just trying to get the life together.

Thankfully, I don't have any stipulations, no house arrests or anything like that.

This is that registry agreement stuff.

Because they understand that those of us that have been locked up for so many years, it's like that is more of a restrictive factor that will give me a stumbling block.

I got a "real" real ID.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah.

- Oh wow.

Now, that right there, that helps out a lot.

- Oh, I get to watch the last episode of Walking Dead.

- Bro.

- Thank you.

- Look, this is "Walking Dead" right here.

- Yeah, but this like way back.

- This is the old one, though.

- Do you really have a thousand channels or is it just counting like... - No, it's just counting like that.

- Oh, that's kind of... Oh, Smart TV.

I get it.

- Yeah.

- I get it.

Duh.

A lot of the people that wanted to be with me the first day aren't, which is fine because it probably would've been overwhelming.

Oh, there she go.

Mom will still be here.

I see you.

I haven't seen her in eight years physically.

- Look at niggas with gray hair.

Oh my gosh.

- Come on in.

I think I'm just ready for her to see me as an adult.

- Look at that.

- You know they gotta get on.

- Yeah, let me look at you.

Okay.

Looking good.

All that gray hair.

- I told you I was white.

You gave it to them.

- Oh my God.

- You gave it to me.

- I'm just gonna be quiet at this point- - Yeah.

- because you're home.

- Yeah.

- You're out and that's a good thing.

- Yeah.

- So... - We have a weird dynamic.

Oh okay.

Thank you.

- But you know what?

It doesn't have a plug.

You know, the thing that goes into the... - Oh okay.

- You kinda push her down in there.

That's all you have to do.

- Like, she's been tough all my life.

She's not the cuddly mom that's like, "Oh baby, I love you."

She's never been like that.

- It should fit.

- It might be, it's probably me.

It's always the operator.

It's in that end.

'Cause I feel like I have to be better just to show her I can be better.

She expects that.

There it is, now it's coming in... - And then put this back.

Oh, I want to show you the pictures.

That's Jay in the back coming through the door and she rushing to see him.

Dang, that's Jay?

- Look at that hair.

- Look at his face.

- But let me get to the wedding, then I'll get back to the...

There's your uncle.

- Damn.

- What?

- He is old.

(laughs) Dang.

- Well, you're old.

Look at you.

- I see.

- It's a nice picture.

- I'm looking at the pictures of everybody that... Look at Cheryl.

The family and stuff like that.

That's when it kind of started hitting me like, man, you know, I stepped through a time warp.

So, even looking at her, it's kind of like, man, that time really did happen, because in there it's like Groundhog Day.

- It's a happy time, a reality check for him but a happy time.

You know, since I just got the news yesterday, I'm still in shock.

Glad that he's home but, you know, just wanna be there 'cause I know it's gonna be an adjustment.

(ambient music) - Here we are, everybody's celebrating my freedom, and that's why I was like, we are not having a party.

We are not doing none of that because I just survived.

At the end of the day, somebody still lost their life.

And so, I have to be remorseful.

I do say his name every day.

I cannot allow him to disappear into history without it being acknowledged that, because of his loss of life, that's where all this has come from.

I don't know what he would've done in this world, but I know I have to ensure that I do twice as much to ensure that his life matters.

The parole agent, when he came to see me, it was a lot easier than I expected.

He called the next day and said, "Hey, I'm outside."

Good morning.

I was like, "Is that the machine or is that you?"

And he was like, you are off lockdown.

Go live your life.

I went and did what he asked, registered the next day with the local police and I have to call the center once a week and verify that I haven't caught a crime.

Yeah, I got messenger hooked up.

Now that I got the iPhone, I'm trying to switch everything over.

So, right now I got two phones in my hand.

I'm trying to text and talk.

I don't know if that's illegal but I'm doing both right now.

Because I am violent offender, I have to register with the local state police for 10 years and if I violate any part of the registry, I can go back to prison, even after parole.

- [Parole Officer] Well, how was your first registration?

- It was easy.

- [Parole Officer] Yeah, you're in Dolton.

You're not in Chicago.

- That's why I wanted to stay this way.

The registration out here, bro, literally took me five minutes.

They kind of micromanage every part of your life.

If I purchased a car, they need to know it.

If I move, they need to know it.

If I get a job, they need to know it.

Because you see the level of carnage that's going on out there, so I get it.

Anytime there's a major shift in your life, they have to be contacted.

It's contrasted.

I ain't been out a week.

Everybody keep telling me to slow down and I'm like, "All right.

I'm trying to slow down," but then I'm farther along than what most people think.

(ambient music) (person sighing) (ambient music) All right now.

Okay, 'cause I'm definitely lost now.

Oh, I see it.

How you doing today my brother?

Thank you very much, sir.

- Coffee for you, sir?

- Yeah please, 'cause I need it.

(laughs) I'll probably go with the veggie skillet.

Yeah, this is awkward.

(laughs) Sitting in a restaurant, I don't even remember the last restaurant I was in pre-arrest.

Emotionally, I'm still an 18 year old kid.

So right now, I'm kind of nervous.

I'm by myself.

Everywhere I've been, I've been accompanied or chaperoned with somebody and so, you know, obviously it's the work week.

People have to go to work.

The veggie skillet.

- How'd you like your eggs?

- Scrambled.

- Pancakes or toast?

- Toast.

- White wheat, raisin or Texas?

- I'm sorry?

- White wheat, raisin or Texas?

- Wheat.

All right.

Thank you.

The other night, I don't get anxiety, I'm not an anxious person, but I started feeling myself, my alarm going off in my brain saying, "It's time to go lock up.

It's almost 9:30."

You know, be... You know, be aware, you know, and then I had to tell myself there isn't a count time.

There isn't a guard or an officer.

You don't have to be in the house at 9:30.

So, these are the things that I'm trying to learn how to recondition because they're embedded, you know?

All right.

Thank you brother.

Appreciate you.

This is delicious.

(ambient music) Walking out of prison, I had a bank account and I had money stashed away.

While it's not much, you may make a couple of hundred bucks a month, some of us did save.

Some of us did not squander the money that was sent by our families or our loved ones or however we made money.

- So, it's your first one with us, right?

- Yes.

- Just need your ID and I'll make you a profile.

- Thank you.

He looked at my state ID and he said... And he was like... And he kept looking at it and I was like, "What's wrong?"

He was like... - Why's your picture looks so funky?

- 'Cause it was a prison pic.

(laughs) And you gotta bear with me, I've only been out five days so it's kind of... - [Teller] You're good, my man.

You doing real good, believe me.

- I appreciate it.

- [Teller] Most people out here five months and don't know how to act.

- I did 24 and so, this is a different world for me.

The entire conversation shifted.

He was so welcoming and he was complimenting me and he was just very helpful.

He was like, "No, I understand.

It's okay."

He was like, "You gonna do great."

- Tripping.

- [Teller] You carry yourself very well.

People do not carry themselves that well around here.

- Yeah, they've been showing me that.

- [Teller] This suburb is not like how it... - Really?

- We get a murder month now.

- What?

- [Teller] Yeah.

We watched the pregnant lady get killed right in front.

They shot her whole car up, man.

- Bro, and they don't understand how hard prison is.

I mean, I wasn't innocent but it's different when you, after that first decade, you realize what you lost.

- You gotta pay to play, right?

- Yeah, but the playing, it wasn't worth it, that's for sure.

Definitely.

- There you go.

- Thank you, and you have a good day.

I appreciate you.

You too.

It humbled me and it made me feel better that he wasn't judging me.

Man, if this thing...

This phone, I'm trying to get used to it.

- [Mom] Oh no, you can't put it in your back pocket 'cause you'll butt-call.

- No, it wasn't in my back pocket.

It's in my front pocket.

Hello?

(ambient music) - Push it.

Push it.

There you go.

I think they say window.

Look on it.

- It has a window on there.

but I don't want to just get the pushing stuff and then something... - You're not gonna hurt anything.

- All right.

- So, foot on the brake.

- On the brake.

- Push the start.

- Push the start.

- Hands on the wheel and you go driving.

(ambient music) - Seems like everything is automatic, huh?

- Oh yeah, you know.

And then you turn again.

- Mm-hmm, a little bit more tight 'cause this lady is up here.

- See your lines?

(ambient music) - Alrighty.

That wasn't too bad.

That was pretty good.

So yeah, I think he's ready for it.

I think he ready to drive.

I noticed he has a lot of confidence.

He's strong, confident.

- You ain't gimme much choice growing up.

- Oh.

Well, I used to tell him, "You're going to be a productive black man if I have to die doing it."

- Yeah.

- That was my word, and although that was instilled in him, but the peer pressure maybe, I don't know.

He got caught up.

I think he'll do well.

These few days I've been and spent with him, I think he's on the right path and he'll continue to be.

My most important thing is that he's home and that we can talk freely now.

You know that if you want to come home, you... (people laughing) - You know, I'm 42.

Yeah, I could go back home and be with mom and be in the nest and things like that, but for 24 years, I've had to be an adult and I've had to be on my own.

(ambient music) This is the first time since I've been out that I feel nervous.

I think just being an adult and being by my old high school in the old neighborhood kind of is bringing back some old memories.

It's just different.

This is really hitting me more than I anticipated.

There they are.

Look at these people.

Look at this.

How are you?

- Nick, I'm a (indistinct) Look at this face.

- How're you doing, auntie?

- Oh, I love you so much.

- I love you too.

- Oh my God.

- You've been there.

You helped me a lot.

My family that came from Virginia was my uncle Jesse and my aunt Cheryl, and they are crazy.

(laughs) - I think you can throw something up there.

- Nah, it's white.

I'm trying to hide it.

Jesse, he's always been highly successful, highly motivated, just always a good dude.

I'm just calling my mom.

Hey, I'm with Jesse, you hear me?

Yeah.

- Yeah.

- But he sets the standard.

He doesn't just talk, and you see it in his life.

- Yeah.

- We're literally almost outside your old apartment building.

Yeah, we walking by the old...

The Algonquins, that's where we at right now.

Yeah, the one where you want me to get an apartment up there for that $3,000 a month rent.

I wanted to go to Hyde Park to see the sunset because that reminds me of a happy childhood.

This the building.

- This the building here?

- Right.

We was in the 12th floor over here.

That's when I went to Lewis work.

Going through the 8,777 days of incarceration, you don't really get to see that.

You're trapped.

Everything is dizzy and it almost feel like I'm not standing here right now.

It almost feel like I'm in a dream.

- [Jesse] Wow.

I can't even imagine it.

- Yeah.

- [Jesse] Man.

- Yeah.

- You was probably about what, seven/eight?

I remember bringing you over here on the lake with me and my buddies, Ted and some other... - Yeah, I remember.

- You remember?

- I remember.

- So, we'll be up here all week basically.

- Oh, I didn't know that.

- Yeah, so we'll be here to bug you, get in your hair.

- Oh my God.

Y'all gonna show me like my mother.

- That's right, I'ma show you a few things.

- She would not leave.

- Get your laptop set up.

- Oh...

I don't know why you keep saying laptop.

We call it PC.

- You want a full tower?

- I need, yeah.

- Okay.

So you want to build something in it?

Is it a game engine or just... - It's a game engine.

You know, from the programming side of me, I learned about 3D animation.

In Kewanee, they gave us access to computers.

- They did?

- And they had Blender on there, so I was making videos for the facility.

- Oh, so they already had it on there?

- Yes.

- Oh, that's great.

Tomorrow, and not saying that you gotta get it from here, but we'll go to Best Buy.

If not tomorrow, the next day.

One of these days, right.

- That's totally fine.

- We'll just go and see what they have.

- That's totally fine.

- Do you know what kind of specs you need?

- I got a list.

(ambient music) You know, it's like a lot of power going on in here.

Yeah.

Hey, this was about two grand.

I did great.

It's definitely gonna serve his purpose.

Yep, my uncle did good.

It's like Christmas.

Oh, I almost teared up.

I was like, "This feels like freedom."

Even though I didn't buy it, even though he purchased it for me, it felt like an accomplishment because it was on my to-do list.

This is Blender, the 3D animation that I'm overly excited about.

So, this is like a basic layout.

I can change this.

The game design that I have in my head is something that I want to do to try to bridge people.

My thing is, for all the games that we have, you still have a lot of people that feel like they are not represented and feel like they don't belong.

I mean, you could just look at the suicide rate.

Why do most people kill themselves?

Especially young people?

Because they feel like they're alone in this world.

They feel like they don't have anybody.

So, we have to create communities and platforms and things that make people feel like they're included, to let them know that they're not alone.

(ambient music) - Congratulations, man.

Welcome home, man.

- Yeah.

How are you doing Melissa?

(indistinctive chatter) I'm alright.

- This will be the future home of Defy Ventures Illinois someday.

So, Defy Ventures is a national nonprofit and our focus is on providing pathways to financial independence for people who are currently and formally incarcerated.

So, we're grateful that you made some time to talk with us today.

- Yeah, 'cause it's definitely been a whirlwind.

- Yeah.

I wanted... Everyone in our program is called Entrepreneur in Training.

And so really, what we wanna do is create more inclusive economies to increase wealth generation but also lessen recidivism.

Now, you graduated from the in-prison program, what comes next?

So, that's why we wanted to have the meeting today.

- The point of the meeting is first just say, "Hey, congratulations.

Glad you're home," right?

And then the second part is just basically, tell us what you need.

Tell us what your game plan is, right?

- That is still my ultimate goal.

I'ma do the animation in the game, which is long term, but I've already started.

I got the platform that I needed.

I've downloaded everything.

- With his business ideation, the gaming, it's a beautiful ideation.

I don't run into people like, "I wanna get in that field," business-wise.

A lot of people say, "I wanna get in that field to be an employee," right?

"I wanna go where someone where hire me for my skills," not, "I wanna take my skills, ideas and visions and be the CEO and founder of a company."

We're gonna support him every way that we can.

- We don't make any assumptions that everything that you developed when you were inside is gonna be exactly what you're gonna do when you're home, right?

Things are gonna pivot, things are gonna move around.

- It's meant to slow you down so at every stage, you can really think out every aspect of the business that you're trying to get off the ground.

- The Defy meeting was pretty good.

You cannot survive without a network, especially coming outta prison.

And so, that's what I'm doing, just building my network and I'm glad to say that they're a part of it.

I know this guy.

How are you doing, bro?

- How are you, man?

- Pretty good and yourself?

- Good to see you.

- Tonight, Defy is hosting a volunteer appreciation event.

I like this, to see you guys on this side of the fence.

- It's not like just walking out of a, you know, out of a hotel or anything.

- No, it's...

Some parts are really good.

- Okay.

- But something that I'm still struggling with, when I walk into a store or walk somewhere, people don't know I've been in prison, but it's like, I feel like they know.

- It's like you have to kind of take the weight off your own back just to... - Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, so that's kind of like... - That's gonna take a little... That's not gonna happen overnight.

You gotta give yourself some grace.

- What's up guys?

- How you doing?

- Nick, you're up.

- Hey.

- Gonna be the CEO and founder of?

- "The Forgotten".

It's gonna be an apparel graphic novel and video game company once I get it rolling.

So, I'm working on the animation right now.

I do 3D animation and coding.

So, Python programmer, self-taught in prison.

- Question.

Why is it The Forgotten?

- Well, I spell it number four, G-O-T and the number 10, because being in prison for so long, people forget about you and you feel lost, and so there are a lot of people out here that feel the same way.

Suicide rates are outrageous.

People doing all this crazy stuff, it's outrageous.

So, I'm trying to tap into all of that and make people understand that you are not alone.

So, please forgive me.

My auntie and my uncle are coming.

Hello?

- Listen to me.

- I did that.

I've been doing that.

- It's only been two weeks, bro.

- And I should be doing more.

Hey, listen, let it happen.

- Yeah, that's me.

Too many phones, too much stuff to do.

Man.

I don't even know what to say to that.

I wish I could come out there and see you, but obviously I can't right now.

Not having my license is very debilitating.

I had planned to get the day I was walking outta Kewanee.

Obviously I got out early, so that kind of threw everything in a hiccup.

Today made two weeks so I'm still kind of adjusting.

And trying to get it, coordinating with people to take the time off to help me get it.

I'm not trying to interrupt somebody else's schedule and their life, even though everybody's being helpful.

We just gotta plan it out.

Once we all get a little bit more stability and things like that.

Oh, I know how to get around Chicago.

I don't know how to get around Dalton like that just yet.

I can't just have people taking off work just to drive me for a job or a job interview.

I don't want y'all to be putting yourselves in stressful situations just to come out here to see me.

So, that's becoming another issue that I'm having to figure out so that way, it doesn't overwhelm me or derail anything that I'm trying to do.

All right, man.

I love you, man.

I'll catch up with you.

All right.

It's just... All right.

Bye.

A lot of things you would think that are simple to do, they are a little bit more tedious.

(ambient music) - You good?

- Yeah.

I'm checking for you, making sure you alright?

- Yeah.

I woke up this morning with so many thoughts for you, man, re-entry events and stuff.

- I met Ricky inside of Kewanee.

Ricky had been there since it was opened and he was doing everything.

He had built a lot of models down there as far as classes, curriculum and things like that to teach guys.

- Kewanee was like, "Who else is pulling videos off the internet?"

- Right.

- Showing you educational stuff.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

- You know?

- Me and Ricky clicked really quickly.

We were both on the same path as far as re-entry, helping people and kind of making up for our past.

But because of the legacy that you did leave, it allowed me to show other brothers who were coming in on the new how to engage and do what needed to be done and push it back in the right direction.

Ricky went home in August of 2021.

So many things that had been lost were coming back.

Ricky works for Phalanx Family Services, a community organization that helps disenfranchise families, sub-income families, helping guys with housing, jobs, basic necessity, things like that.

- And you gonna see, man.

I love my job, bro.

- What brings you to Phalanx Family Services this morning?

- I've just been recently released from prison and I'm in need of re-entry services.

Basically, what I'm looking for right now is a job or a career that will give me sustainable income and possible way of transportation.

- So, this is the Road Home.

It's the Pilot Reentry program for Chicago and Cook County.

So, I always tell people like, I know it sounds crazy, you know, but there's always been a system to guide people into incarceration, but there's never been a coordinated one to guide people out.

Right now, we're doing assessments because it's only a set number of individuals that we're servicing.

- Okay.

- And you and I know the importance of the success of something like this.

We really just look for guys who actually want it.

Give me some of your employment background and what would you say your skills lie at?

- Okay.

Well, obviously I just said I worked for Public Works this year.

Prior to that, I was working in prison in an ICI industry for 10 years.

Now, my title there was floor manager.

I had to do profit and loss statements, a lot of accounting things.

- Yes.

- This one's a little different, Bill.

- With the interview, I was grateful for the chance to do it and I was grateful that they appreciated my potential.

The last time I was in society, cash was king and it spoke volumes.

Now, we're in a different society where I'm learning how to navigate with the credit and the credit cards and everything else.

- Debit card and credit card.

Our main goal is to make sure that what you're feeling right now goes away fast.

(person laughing) - [Nicholas] I appreciate that.

- And I know what you're feeling.

I'd like to ask you a question.

- [Nicholas] Yes.

- How do you eat a whale?

- [Nicholas] How do I eat?

- A whale?

- [Nicholas] A whale?

- Mm-hmm.

- [Nicholas] Oh, one piece at a time.

- And that's how we going to do this.

- [Nicholas] Okay.

- One day at a time.

One bite at a time.

- [Nicholas] Okay.

- Okay?

Take your time.

We got you.

We do take a vote- - Okay.

- but I'm not voting today.

I see a shoo-in.

I see a shoo-in.

- Yeah.

- That's what I see.

- Welcome home.

That's all I have to say.

- Thank you, sir.

- Welcome home.

- Ricky has been there every step of the way and that's the brotherhood, trying to make sure that we're all okay.

(ambient music) Well, woke up at four as usual.

Did a couple pushups, prayed a little extra hard and went and took my driver's license exam and passed.

Thank God.

And I will be honest, I failed the first time, so I had to take the hit, humble myself and get it right, and I'm an official driver.

(laughs) (ambient music) I have found an apartment, one that is reasonable, one that is comfortable.

Myself and my brother were up early in the morning.

He just does these wild searches and then next thing you know, he just got to talking on the phone.

Told the landlord, "Hey, we can pay up front.

This is the situation.

He's changed his life.

He needs help."

And they were kinda like, "Well, I believe in God and I believe in helping people.

If you can come by and meet me today, we can talk about it."

We're moving forward from there.

She brought me the lease the next day.

Now that I have a license, now that I have an apartment, that gives me freedom and autonomy to be an adult.

Even though I have a overwhelmingly great support system, the reality is, is until I get on my own, I still feel like I'm incarcerated, and it's not so much because of the parole.

It's not so much because of the registry.

It's because I'm still being taken care of by someone else.

I'm still under someone else's rules.

Now, I actually get to see what real freedom feels like.

(ambient music)