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(bright jingle) ♪ One day the devil came to him ♪ ♪ For he was a minor demon ♪ Asked him to torture some humans ♪ ♪ With his two friends in tow ♪ Mittens and El Sapo ♪ The Baron Mondo Von Doren ♪ On Nightmare Theatre - No, no.

Mittens, no.

Let me try this again.

He wasn't a jerk.

He was perhaps the coolest character in the history of TV.

He wore a leather jacket and he could make a soda machine dispense the drink of his choice with just a touch of his boot.

He could beat any man on earth in a fistfight and he rode a really cool motorcycle.

(chuckles) But he wasn't on a motorcycle when he did the jump I'm talking about, buddy boy.

No sirree, he was on water skis.

Yeah, skis.

And he was wearing short pants.

But, and get this, he was also wearing his trademark leather jacket.

The whole world tuned in and held its breath as the boat got ever closer to the ramp.

Every heart on the planet beat as one, and many fingernails were chewed off completely, leaving nothing but bloody stumps.

And then, he did it!

He jumped over a shark!

A real shark!

It was the most thrilling thing ever witnessed by human eyes.

In fact...

Wait, wait, we're on.

I'll show you the tape later.

Hello once again, and welcome to "Nightmare Theatre."

I am, as always, your host, the Baron Mondo Von Doren, and with me is Mittens the Werewolf, and we were discussing the coolest guy in the history of the planet as we wait for the least coolest guy in the entire universe to arrive with tonight's movie.

I'm not really sure where he is.

He oughta be here any second now.

♪ Da da da da da da - [El Sapo] Hey, fellas!

- [Mondo] All right, where have you been and where did you get the trophies?

- Don't you remember what day today is?

- Yes, I do, it's a movie day and you've come in without a movie again.

- Today was also the Tri-Annual Statewide Manservant and Second Banana Contest.

- Wait, that's a thing?

- [El Sapo] Oh yeah, it's a great thing, and I've been entering for years.

Don't you remember me telling you all about it?

- No, I really try to forget everything you say as soon as you say it.

- Well, this year the contest was held at Scooter's Pork Palace and Chainsaw Repair Emporium.

- And you actually won something?

- [El Sapo] I brought home the trophies.

- So you won?

- [El Sapo] I brought home the trophies.

- Ah, I think I see.

You stole these trophies.

- Boss.

"Stealing" is an ugly, ugly, ugly word.

But as a matter of fact, I did steal them.

They dropped the swimsuit competition which I was a shoe-in to win.

Six months of dieting, chafing, and gaffing, and they cancel it?

No way!

And besides that, El Boco Loco got his hair done, which was clearly against the rules, so I stole their trophies.

- I gotta say, Sapo, I kind of admire your pluckiness.

I don't suppose you happened to steal a movie, did you?

- Oh, no, I did not, but while I was hiding from the security guard, I saw a film can stuffed into a crate of pickled pigs' feet.

- Wow!

Did you get us some pickled pigs' feet?

- No, but I did manage to get this film here.

- But no pigs' feet?

(sighs) Well, let me see the can.

Oh, what a shocker.

"Flash Gordon Chapter Six: Flaming Death."

- Can you show this while I run off and get a movie?

- Do I have a choice?

I can't just stare into the camera until you return.

The "Flaming Death"?

Sheesh!

- Ooh, that title sounds great.

I really hate to miss this one.

- Oh, you're not gonna miss it.

After this is all over, Mittens here is gonna tape you down, staple your eyes open, and you're gonna watch this whole thing over and over until you've learned your lesson.

- Oh, it's not that bad, boss.

It can't possibly be.

It's got that Ming guy you like so much about.

You seem to really like him.

- That's true, I do admire Ming.

- [El Sapo] Well, tell me about him.

- Ming has been in the Flash Gordon universe since 1934.

In the beginning he was just called The Emperor, but later he was called Ming.

- Well, was Ming his first or his last name?

- Not important.

He comes from Mingo City on the planet Mongo.

Now, some critics have suggested his name and vaguely Fu Manchu-like appearance suggest an Asian identity, and some have even claimed the character is a racist stereotype representing what was called "yellow peril."

Back then, some people feared certain Asian countries and thought those nations were trying to take over the planet.

Ming supposedly represented this idea.

Luckily, Flash, who's an American, was always there to stop him.

While those critics might have a valid point in some way, it's important to remember that the character was created in 1934, and what was acceptable then would not be today.

The world has changed and people have evolved.

- I kinda think he looks like a devil, or maybe even a demon.

- Well, I agree he's very good looking.

- You mentioned 1934.

That was what, (babbles) 40, 50 years ago?

Have a lot of actors played him over the years?

- Sure, and with a couple of exceptions, they were hacks.

Bruno Wick played him in "The Amazing Interplanetary Adventures of Flash Gordon" in 1935.

Charles Middleton plays him in this stink bomb.

Middleton also played Ming in "Flash Gordon" in 1936 and "Flash Gordon's Trip to Mars" in 1938.

Much better in the role, our friend Alan Oppenheimer of Gammera and Skeletor fame played him in the 1979 cartoon version, and the late, great Max von Sydow played him in the campy 1980 film.

More recently, in 2007, John Ralston played Ming in the Sci-Fi Channel series.

- Seems like Ming is a very popular character and has been played by many actors in many movies.

You know, I wonder who would play us if they ever made a movie about our lives.

- Oh, I've thought about this a lot.

Bruce Campbell would play me, Brad Pitt would play Mittens, and Dame Judi Dench would play you.

She's always up for a challenge, and boy, would she have her work cut out for her.

- Boy, I would go see that movie twice!

- [Mondo] Oh!

Oh, do you like movies?

- You know, I sure do.

- Think you could go find us one for tonight?

Unless you wanna just sit here and keep talking about Flash Gordon?

- I kinda would like to do that, boss.

You know, sometimes I don't feel we communicate enough about our true feelings.

I know Mittens here probably thinks the same way.

We prob- - Uh, Sapo?

- Oh, yes, boss?

- Go get a movie now!

Sheesh.

I gotta see about getting his vocal cords clipped.

Folks, while he's gone to find a movie, do your best to enjoy the "Flaming Death."

Please?

As a favor to me?

(rousing orchestral music) (thunder cracks) (suspenseful music) - [Narrator] Chapter Six.

Flash and Roka, after escaping from the arena, and while frantic search was being made for them, ambush two guards and, disguised in their uniforms, return to Ming's palace and rescue Dale and Zarkov.

After a further encounter with guards, and a hazardous mid-air rescue of Roka from a burning ship, Flash and his party are congratulating themselves on the escaping in one of Ming's ships, when suddenly an approaching Barin ship opens fire on them.

Flash, realizing Barin is mistaking them for his enemy Ming, tries desperately to signal Barin's ship but... (dramatic music) - Radio is dead!

- Position noted and approved.

Use your Destructo Ray.

- We're heading in at once.

- Barin is closing in.

- Zarkov, we've got to signal him somehow.

He'll shoot us down!

- They're spreading out.

They'll trap us between them!

(ray gun pops) (ray gun pops) (ray gun pops) (blast roars) (suspenseful music) (flames crackling) Another shot like that and we're finished.

(dramatic music) - I have an idea.

- [Zarkov] What are you trying to do?

- Sending him a dot-and-dash code.

Barin and I worked it out together.

- [Zarkov] Ah, a slim chance.

- [Flash] Yes, but our only one.

(ray gun popping) - [Pilot] And they still won't surrender.

- [Barin] Reload.

(ray gun popping) Wait, wait!

Hold that fire!

It's not aimed at us, it's a code.

(ray gun popping) This is Flash Gordon and Dr. Zarkov!

Cease firing!

Prepare the magnetic grapple for transfer.

I'll answer with the rocket exhaust.

(signal buzzing) - Flash!

Flash, you've done it.

They're answering.

(signal buzzing) - Barin's in that ship, all right.

- Stand by the transfer port!

(flames crackling) (wind howling) - Barin!

That was nice shooting.

- Oh, why Flash, I had no idea.

Why didn't you radio me when we first attacked you?

- Our radio was out of commission.

You did the natural thing.

- Oh, I might've killed you all.

- Prince, I have learned from Karm that Ming is preparing another terrible weapon to destroy the world.

We must return at once to your palace and prepare to combat it.

- Cast off the Ming ship!

(suspenseful music) (pensive music) - It has taken you a long time to fashion six Zoltranilium projectiles.

- All work had to be done in complete vacuum, sire.

This smallest amount of oxygen touching that metal would have ignited it and burned us alive.

- Your Majesty means to attack the Earth at once?

- No, we will first test the projectiles on Prince Barin's kingdom of Arboria.

- Arboria, sire?

The Arborian forests are the source of all the fine timber in Mongo.

If one projectile drops there- - Yes, yes, yes, yes.

I understand, I understand.

The projectile will only be dropped on the barren sections of Arboria.

The prince will have warning to watch their effect and contemplate what will happen in case I direct them against his palace.

- You'll pardon, sire, but surely you don't mean to destroy Arboria?

Why, the Princess Aura, your daughter, is there and- - My erring daughter deserves no consideration.

However, I suppose she must be removed.

You're keeping secret communication with my daughter's attendant, Lady Sonja?

- Yes, sire, by means of the birds.

- Good.

I'll give you a message for her.

(bright music) (bird caws) (bird caws) - I hope Your Highness will pardon the delay.

- Of course!

But for you, Sonja, neither Prince Barin nor myself would have realized the dire needs of some of our tenants.

- Everything is in readiness, Your Highness.

- Whom are we to call on today, Sonja?

- If it please Your Highness, a poor family of woodcutters.

They live in the Red Forest.

- The it's off to the Red Forest we go.

(ominous music) - Inform her highness I've returned safely with our guests.

- Her highness went to the Red Forest some hours ago to visit a poor tenant in distress.

Lady Sonja and Captain Turan accompanied her.

- Very well.

Let me know the moment she returns.

- Yes, Your Highness.

- Keedish, my head scientist.

His knowledge is fairly extensive in the field of rare metals.

- Is there something I can do to aid Your Highness?

- Yes, Keedish.

Ming is threatening the planet Earth with a new weapon.

The Earth people here are anxious to uncover all they can concerning it.

Well, I have other matters to attend to, so I'll leave you here.

- Thank you, Barin.

Tell me, sir, what do you know of Zoltranilium?

- Zoltranilium.

When exposed to oxygen, this metal burns with the heat of the sun.

- Do you know of any way of extinguishing the fire once the metal starts burning?

- Nothing will put it out.

But you have no cause for alarm.

There's no Zoltranilium to be found on Mongo.

- You're wrong.

Ming possesses a formula for making unlimited quantities of it, and he plans to fire huge projectiles of it into the Earth.

- The planet Earth would be burned to ashes.

- Not only that, but enough of it would burn all the oxygen out of the atmosphere.

- There must be some defense against it.

- We know of none.

- Then we must find one.

Assemble all the thermoelectronic apparatus you have.

We must prepare at once for an exhaustive experimentation.

(pensive music) (dramatic music) (swords clashing) (horses neighing) This machine proves my theory of constant- - Flash, Zarkov!

Look here!

This radio message from Emperor Ming was just handed to me.

"Prince Barin, you presently will have a demonstration of the means at my command to punish your allegiance to my enemies, the Earthmen.

When you see your wastelands burn, think what will happen to your castle and your forests."

- He means to use Zoltranilium, the fire metal, against Arboria.

- How belong before you can complete your defense, Doctor?

- Well, thanks to the years spent by Professor Karm in developing his contra-thermal defense theory, I can complete the machine to dispense it in a day, perhaps two.

- At least two.

- It'll be enough time, Doctor.

I know my crafty father-in-law.

He's bluffing.

He wouldn't dare attack Arboria while his daughter was here.

- Your Highness!

Prince Barin!

Your Highness!

The Princess Aura has just been abducted by soldiers of Ming.

The lady Sonja led us into an ambush.

I did what I could, but... - [Barin] Find a physician at once!

- Go ahead with the contra-thermal machine, Doctor!

Don't worry, Barin.

We'll help you and Aura out of this mess.

Somehow.

(pensive music) - I demand to know why I am being held prisoner.

- When you and your husband, Prince Barin, chose to ally yourselves with the Earthmen, you became my enemies, and must take the consequences.

- You dare to tamper with my attendants?

To send this slinking cat Sonja to worm her way into my confidence?

And you, Captain Torch, you bloody-handed murderer!

To lay hands upon royalty?

Mark my words, you two shall pay for this when Prince Barin and Flash Gordon- - Yes, soldier?

- Sire.

We have intercepted a radio message from Prince Barin to his patrol ships.

- Yes?

- "All patrol ships, the Emperor Ming is about to attempt destruction of Arboria by means of fiery projectiles.

Dr. Zarkov has devised means of counteracting this murderous attack.

Inform me at once location of any of these projectiles, and steps will be taken to extinguish fire.

Signed, Barin."

- There's the answer to your threats.

The Earthmen have beaten you once.

They'll beat you again.

- Take her to the women's quarters!

Sonja, Torch.

- Sire.

- Your Majesty.

- You have done well and will be rewarded.

But I have another task for you.

- We're ready, sire.

- Whatever means Zarkov has of extinguishing our projectiles must be carried to the spot of conflagration.

Information as to location must come from Barin's laboratory.

Now, you are proceed at once to Arboria.

Destroy Prince Barin's radio station, thus preventing these messages from being sent.

- It shall be done, sire.

(suspenseful music) - Now listen, Flash, and get this clear, for all our lives may depend upon it.

You know I've got to stay here and direct you while the projectiles fall.

- Go ahead, Doctor.

- By turning this dial, you will envelop your ship with contra-thermal waves that will protect you from the extreme heat.

- I see.

- One of these units must be placed by you close to Ming's projectile when it falls.

Dale understand how to protect you while you accomplish this.

Ronal will run the ship.

- Thank you, sir.

- We're going to get ready, Zarkov.

- All right, men!

Get these instruments down to the ship.

(dramatic music) - [Flash] Flash Gordon calling Prince Barin.

Flash Gordon calling Prince Barin.

- Yes, Flash?

- We're over the cordoned wastelands, Barin.

Ready for action.

- Dr. Zarkov will give you the exact information the moment the projectile strikes.

- Good.

We'll be ready.

- The projectile is ready to be fired, Your Majesty.

- Has the range been calculated?

- Yes, sire.

- We'll alter the range every 20 minutes.

- Yes, sire.

(cannon roars) (projectile fizzles and whistles) (projectile whistles) (dramatic music) (projectile screaming) - What's that?

(projectile fizzling and whistling) (blast roars) - There!

One has already struck!

- Locate the exact point where it fell.

I'll get Flash.

(ominous music) - Yes, Doctor, we saw it and felt it pass.

I got it.

30 miles due west from here.

First projectile, 30 miles due west from here.

Change your course accordingly.

- [Pilot] Yes, sir.

- I'll get the fire suit.

(rocket buzzing) (dramatic music) We're getting close.

- I'll turn on the contra-thermal waves.

(flames roar) - It's no use, Flash.

You can't live in this heat.

After all, this wasteland's of no value.

- Unless that blaze is extinguished, it'll burn up all the oxygen in the air, stifle thousands of people, Ronal.

I must go.

- I know you can do it, Flash.

- Good girl.

(flames roaring) (suspenseful music) (flames roaring) (wind rushing) (dramatic music) (electricity buzzing) - He's done it!

(electricity buzzing) - Oh, it's failed!

(blast roars) It's failed!

He'll be killed!

- It's overloaded and burned out a connection.

(dramatic music) (flames roaring) (Dale screams) (blast roars) (rousing orchestral music) - Nope.

Not even gonna comment on what we just saw.

Not gonna say a word.

I'll just sit here in stony silence like a statue in a museum until he gets back with a movie.

I have no opinion on whatever just happened.

- Hey, boss.

Why are you guys so quiet?

Did something bad happen to your buddy Ming or that other Crash Gordon fella?

- It's Flash Gor... You know what?

Nevermind.

Just tell me what movie you found.

- You know, boss, and Mittens, I hope you fellas have a good supply of streamers, sody pop, canned hams, and party favors around, because you are about to throw me a big party!

- Wait, are you retiring?

Or did you catch a horrible disease?

Is today your last day?

- No, I'm here for life.

I plan to die in your employee.

- Well, that might not be as long as you think.

- Well, you won't want anything bad to happen to me after you see what movie I have found for you tonight.

- Sure I do.

Every day I say two prayers.

That the world will recognize Wink Martindale as the greatest living American, and two, that something bad will befall you.

- Oh, come on, boss.

Let me ask you a question.

Do you like them movies where monkeys run the world?

- Are you referring to "The Planet of the Apes"?

Yes, I do like that film, or that series of films, I should say.

Wait, are you telling me we actually have that movie tonight?

"Planet of the Apes" or one of its sequels?

- No, but we have a movie starring someone who was in one of those movies.

Let me throw out a name here: Peter Vincent.

- Sapo, Peter Vincent was a character played by the great Roddy McDowall in the movie "Fright Night."

Do we really have "Fright Night"?

- Yes, we do, Baron.

Yes, we do.

- You're saying "Fright Night," starring Chris Sarandon, Roddy McDowall, and Amanda Bearse, directed by the great Tom Holland?

- Yep, Spider-Man himself.

- Sapo, that's a different Tom Holland.

And I bet...

Wait, let me see that film can.

Sapo, this is not "Fright Night."

- Sure it is.

It says it right there.

- No, no, it doesn't say that.

Sapo, this movie is called "Night Fright"!

- Well, it's probably the same movie.

I bet the label maker just put the name on there wrong.

It's nothing a little whiteout won't fix.

- (sighs) Sapo, this is not "Fright Night."

This is "Night Fright," beyond a shadow of a doubt the absolute worst movie you've ever found.

If I were on a desert island and this was the only film I had to watch, I would put on some short pants and a jacket and jump into the open jaws of the nearest shark and thank him as he put me out of my misery.

- Oh, you don't mean that, boss.

- I absolutely do.

This film has John Agar in it, and that man would appear in any movie, any day, any time.

He had absolutely no standards whatsoever!

If Agar is in it, boy is it gonna ever stink.

- Well, tell me a bit about the movie.

You know, talking helps.

Come on, rap with me, brother.

- No.

- Oh, come on.

Hit me with a little bit of that trivia.

- Okay, all right, you asked for it.

This film was directed by James A. Sullivan.

- Of the Idaho Sullivans?

- I have no idea.

I do know James A. Sullivan was an editor on, wait for it, "Manos: The Hands of Fate."

- Ooh, I dig that Torgo fella.

- I'm sure you do.

Again, Sullivan is linked to "Manos."

- Well, that alone, that in and of itself doesn't make him a bad person.

- Yes, it does.

Sullivan has three directing credits under his belt: this movie, one called "Fairplay," and I swear I'm not making this up, a movie called "The Pickle Goes in the Middle."

- I bet you that was a fast food training film.

- Well, close.

It was about a gang of... You know what?

You know what?

I doesn't matter.

What matters is that you infected us with one of the worst movies ever made by one of the worst directors to ever stand next to a camera and yell "cut."

On second thought, that's not fair.

He never once yelled "cut."

He just loaded the camera with film and got everything in one take.

- What is this movie about, boss?

- No one knows.

Even the people in it don't know.

The entire cast was called before a Senate committee and each person claimed they had no idea what the movie was about!

- It cannot possibly be that bad.

- It is.

Be afraid, Sapo.

Be very afraid.

- Of the movie?

- No, of what I'm gonna do to you for inflicting this film upon us.

- It's not my fault.

I'm shiftless, I'm lazy, but I blame society.

I know a life of ineptitude has led me to this sorry fate, yet I blame society.

Society made me what I am!

- Yeah, yeah, I saw that obscure movie too.

These references aren't gonna save your hide.

You're gonna pay for your vile misdeeds.

Folks, while I plan a suitable punishment for El Sapo, let's get right into "Night Fright" here on "Nightmare Theatre."

(static crackles) (pensive music) - Good heavens, I just realized where we are.

Satan's Hollow?

Why did we come way out here to park?

- Just to be alone.

- Silly, I know that, but why this spooky place?

The lake would've been more romantic.

- Sure, and as busy as a meat market selling ten-cent steak.

- [Newscaster] We interrupt the music to bring you a news bulletin concerning the fiery object that was reported to have crashed in the hills east of town an hour ago.

- Fiery object?

What's he talking about?

- Shh.

Let's hear this.

- [Newscaster] The object, whatever it was, has not been located yet, although state police are combing the area where it was seen to have come down.

No trace of any wreckage or debris has been found.

The only witnesses to the mysterious crash, a farmer and his wife, Mr. and Mrs. Henry Stokes, said they were just preparing to retire for the night when they saw a bright flash through their bedroom window.

They ran to the window just in time to see what Mr. Stokes described as a giant-sized shooting star dive behind a hill and apparently explode.

The witnesses were unable to say exactly how far away the fireball fell, and it is believed that this is the reason the searchers have been unsuccessful in locating it.

Stay tuned to this for further developments as they occur.

And now we return to music for your late hour listening enjoyment.

- What in the world do you think it was?

- Not from this world, baby.

You heard what the man said.

It came from the sky.

- Buddy, are you ever serious?

- Sure, I'm real serious, right now.

About you.

(tense music music) (brush rustling) (ominous music) (girl screams) - (laughs) Well, Sue, that sounds about like him.

Did you have any money with you?

- Enough, but I'll tell you, Judy, he's not going to do that to me again.

- That's what you said the last time.

Hey!

There's Chris.

Gee, he's a little early.

- Well, I'll see you later.

(upbeat music) - [Chris] Hey!

You ready?

- Just about, but you're a little early.

I'll be right back.

- [Chris] Okay, hurry.

(pensive music) (girl whistles) - Well, hello, handsome.

- Well, hello, yourself way up there.

- How's it going, Chris?

- Oh, couldn't be better right now.

You still mad at me, Annie?

- I never was.

I couldn't care less.

- Sure you couldn't.

- Aw, come on now.

You... Oh, hi, honey!

- Hi, honey.

(bright music) - Well, where shall we start?

How 'bout a nice drive in the country?

- Oh, just like that, huh?

Are you sure you wanna go with little me?

Or had you rather see the country with Annie?

- Now don't be like that.

You know that's all over and done with, don't ya?

- Well, I certainly thought so, but I no sooner turn my back and I see you looking up there with those big cow eyes.

- Look, I was just talking to her.

Now come on.

You know me better than that.

- Well, you did date her a while, and I suppose it's okay just to talk.

But that's all you'd better do, Chris Johnson.

- (laughing) All right, okay!

Let's go.

(upbeat music) Mm, this is more like it.

- Yeah.

All we need is a loaf of bread and a jug of wine.

Gee, we're really in the wilderness.

- Yeah.

Make it a Coke instead and we got it made.

- Ooh, you dirty young man!

Come on, let's get next to nature.

- (laughs) Okay.

(pensive music) - Mm, this is nice.

- Yeah.

- It's good to get away from everyone sometimes.

You know, I mean really get away.

- It really is.

- Say.

Isn't this the spot where the flying saucer landed?

- Oh, the radio only said a flaming object.

It could've been a shooting star or a satellite or anything like that.

- Okay, boresome.

I'd like to think it was a flying saucer with little green men that come to say, "Take me to your leader!"

- Yeah, leader, and we'd be all over the newspapers.

But seriously, have you... Have you ever thought about... Well, sometimes when I'm alone I think about the things that we don't know about... Well, about the sky and the earth and the air and the wind and... Well, even this leaf.

- Well, Chris, I didn't know you were a philosopher.

You sound just like Professor Clary.

- Well, I suppose I do.

But Clary's lectures have started me to thinking.

Well, like we don't really know what keeps this earth in orbit, or what's out there in space.

Sometimes when I'm by myself, I... (pensive music) - There they are.

Hi.

We thought we'd find you two out in the boondocks.

- Yeah.

It's so good to see you.

- We're going to the beach and have a dance soon.

You guys want to come along?

- Uh, no thanks, Rog.

We'll, um... We'll see you down there later maybe.

- Oh, all right.

You two have fun.

- We'll try.

(pensive music) Come on, Chris.

Let's take a walk.

(airy music) - Say, you were comparing me a moment ago with Clary.

Did I every tell you about the day that he slipped right off his desk and fell in the middle of the orals?

- No!

How in the world did he fall off his desk?

- Well, you know the way he props himself back on his spine like he does?

Well, on this particular day, they had just treated the floors.

And he had both feet out in front of him, both of 'em slipped, and kapow, he fell!

(Judy laughing) - Oh, poor old Professor Clary.

I can just seem him doing that.

Then what happened?

- Well, then he gets up off the floor and adjusts his glasses, you know the way he does, and says, completely unrattled, (clears throat) "All right, class, now that I have succeeded in fracturing my left fibula, my right tibia, several vertebrae, as well as caving in a portion of my ribcage, we might as well continue with the oral examination."

- Oh, Chris!

You sound just like him.

(laughs) (bright music) - Judy, you want me to clue you in on something?

- [Judy] Sure, what?

- You're something else when you laugh.

I mean, you're special.

Hmm.

Just like the song says, sweeter than wine.

- Uh-huh.

And you'd better not have any more or you're liable to get drunk.

And remember, you're driving.

- Come on now!

What's with this running off today?

It's a long weekend, remember?

We don't have to be back in class till next Tuesday.

- Well, what do you want to do?

Spend the next four days out here?

- Hey, that's the best idea I've heard today.

- Sorry, but I've gotta get back home before Mrs. Pierce thinks we've eloped.

- Hey, that's another good idea.

- Big talk.

Nothing but big talk.

- You know you wouldn't married if your life depended on it.

- [Chris] (laughs) Why, you!

(Judy laughing) Wait, wait!

Wait, wait, oh!

(Judy laughing) (Chris laughing) (Judy screams) (siren wailing) (dramatic music) (men chatting indistinctly) - Well, Clint, was that fiery object that crashed last night what they were looking for?

- Yep, a rocket.

- A rocket?

- One of ours, and would you believe it, those government boys were already there?

- How the hell'd they beat us out here?

- Aw, beats me how they do it.

But I'll tell you one thing.

They won't get my vote in any popularity contest.

- What do you mean?

- I mean that thing crashed right here in my county and they won't let me near it.

Makes me about half sore.

- I can't say that I blame you.

- Aw, come on, we're wasting time here.

Let's go.

Alan!

Alan Clayton.

- Clint Crawford.

Or should I say Sheriff Crawford?

- Aw, Clint'll do.

How are you, Alan?

- Fine, fine.

Say, I heart you were elected over old Tides Potts by a landslide.

Congratulations.

- Oh, well, thanks.

Oh, you haven't met my chief deputy.

Ben Whitfield, Professor Alan Clayton.

- How do you do?

- Fine, how are you?

- Fine.

- Alan was head of the biology department at the university before you came here.

But I thought you were over at Cape Kennedy.

What are you doing out here today?

Hey, is that one of the rockets you built and now they're mad at you that it cracked up?

- I wouldn't be at all surprised.

No, I guess they just figured they had to have an egghead in on the party.

- Well, I hope you get along with those government boys better than I did.

(siren wailing) - Wonder where they're going.

- I don't know.

Hey, there's a call coming in.

- Right.

- Clint, I guess your business kinda keeps you hopping too, doesn't it?

- Sure does.

- Well, listen, I've got to get over and see what these government boys want.

Say, why don't you come over to the house some night and have a cold beer with me?

- Well, thanks.

I just might take you up on that.

- Do that, Clint.

Nice to see you.

- Bye, Alan.

- Yeah, okay, Pat.

We're only about five minutes away from there now.

Unit 1 out.

- What's up?

- Pat says it's murder.

- Where?

- Satan's Hollow.

(dramatic music) (engine roars) - Hello, and welcome back.

Well, "Night Fright," it is what it is.

- That it is, boss, that it is.

But you know, I think you were wrong earlier.

There is a redeeming quality to this movie.

- I defy you, here in front of these good people, to name one thing.

- That lady, Sue?

She's kinda easy on the eyes, isn't she?

She's what the hepcats call pretty.

- Ah, you noticed her, did you?

You grows up and you grows up, eh, El Sapo?

- I sure did.

And what can you tell me about her?

- Well, I can tell you this: she would never want anything to do with a lout like you.

- Well, what is her name?

- Her name is Brenda Venus.

- (laughing) Oh, yeah!

And right there is Mittens Mercury, and I am Sapo Jupiter!

- That's her name, and here something you folks at home, if there are any of you out there still watching, might find interesting.

When she was young, she bought a book in a used bookstore.

- Oh my god!

That is an amazing story!

- Folded inside the book was an envelope with the writer Henry Miller's address on it.

On a lark, she wrote to him and he wrote back.

Miller eventually wrote over 1,500 letters to her.

The letters were published in a book called "Dear Brenda: The Love Letters of Henry Miller to Brenda Venus."

- Wow, you just happened to have a copy of that book handy?

Well, that is mighty convenient.

- I often carry it with me.

It's gotten me through some very difficult times.

One time I was at a restaurant and one of the table legs was too short, and this baby saved the day.

Imagine, there are over 1,500 letters inside this book.

- That is amazing!

- Yeah, at any rate, Miller, who was 84 at the time, was quite taken with the 24-year-old Brenda.

He called her "The Boticelli of Mississippi."

- I was once called "The Rasputin of Santo Padre"!

- No, you weren't.

Again, Miller was really impressed by this lady.

- But I bet he never saw her in this movie.

- Good point.

But there's even more to this woman's story.

She's written books herself and her books have been translated into 37 languages.

- The lady in this movie?

- Yes, the lady in this movie.

Who else would I be talking about?

She's a published author.

And here's something else: her birthday is November 10th.

- That is amazing!

That's the same day Donna Fargo was born!

- No, stupid, that's not the amazing part.

On her birthday, Vladimir Putin invited her to Russia to see a play about her life.

- That beats the heck out of the wet towel that you gave me on my birthday.

- That wasn't a gift, that was dirty laundry.

And I'd like it back starched and folded, neatly this time.

- I can have it to you in two weeks.

- Two weeks?

You know what?

Nevermind.

Folks, you see what I'm dealing with?

You agree I'm doing the best I can with what very little I have.

Very, very little I have.

- You know, if you need a towel, you can borrow mine.

- No, thanks.

I'd rather drip dry.

Folks, why don't you get back to the movie while I sit here and ponder the long line of bad decisions that led me to where I am.

Try to enjoy "Night Fright."

I know it's asking a lot.

(foreboding music) - Bennett girl's dead.

The Williams boy's still alive.

Ambulance driver said it's hard to tell how bad he was hurt.

Sometimes a lot of blood makes it look worse than it is.

- I sure hope so.

- Clint, did you ever see anything as bad in your life as the way that little girl was chewed up?

There wasn't even enough left of her face to identify.

- I know.

I hate to think how her folks are gonna take it.

- What kind of a killer could do a thing like that?

- I wish I knew.

- What the devil's going on around here, Clint?

I went over where that thing cracked up and those government boys wouldn't let me near the place.

- Same thing happened to me.

Seems it's in my in my county but outside my jurisdiction.

- Yeah, one of 'em told me you fellas followed the ambulance down here so I headed this way.

What's going on?

- Murder, Wes.

Girl chewed to pieces.

Boy barely alive.

- Who, Clint?

- [Clint] Buddy Williams and the Bennett girl.

- When'd it happen?

- Sometime last night.

- [Wes] Any idea who did it?

- No, no idea.

- You shoulda see that little girl's body.

- [Wes] What do you mean?

- I'll tell you later.

Come on, help us look around, Wes.

- Let me get some pictures first?

- No, first we try to find some kind of a lead.

- Okay, where do we start?

- Ben, you go north, Blau, you try that direction, and I'll take the woods.

And be careful.

(foreboding music) (beast grunting) (playful music) - [Wes] Clint?

Hey, Clint!

(suspenseful music) Clint!

Clint, I found something.

- What is it?

- Come and see for yourself.

- What's happening?

What's all the yelling for?

- Wes found something.

Let's take a look.

- Now, this where something came out of the woods onto the road here.

And over here, where the ground is soft, it left some tracks.

You ever see anything like this in your life?

- Nope, can't say as I have.

Got any ideas, Ben?

- Well, I'll tell you what it looks like.

A bull gator leaves tracks something like this.

- A gator?

Walking on his hind legs?

- Clint, I said it looks like it, but these are different.

They're larger, much larger.

- Well, the tracks seem to be coming from that direction.

Ben, suppose you backtrack, see what you can find out?

I'll follow 'em, see where they lead.

- All right, Clint.

- Well, what about me?

- Oh, you go back to the car, call Pat.

Tell him to bring some plaster out here so I can make a moulage of these tracks.

Tell him to make it snappy.

- Right.

- Oh, and Wes.

Don't say anything about this to your newspaper.

And least not for the time being.

- Clint, you know I have a- - Look, Wes.

I mean it.

- Okay, Clint.

For the time being.

(foreboding music) (ominous music) (suspenseful music) (driver chuckles) (girls laugh) - Sheriff, you're gonna get run over one of these days stepping out in front of cars like this.

- [Darlene] Hi, Clint.

- Hello, Darlene.

What are you kids doing out here?

- We heard there was some action out this way last night.

- Yeah, a flying saucer or something fell.

We thought we'd come out and see it.

- The state fuzz up the road, they wouldn't let us near the place.

- Well, they had their reasons.

Where you headed now?

- Out to our cabin to have a barbecue and play some records.

- Well, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to ask you kids to forget the party and go on back to town.

- Aw, hold on a minute, Sheriff!

- Look, I haven't got time to stand here and argue.

You'll have to forget the party.

I mean it.

- Now wait a minute, Clint.

Just because you may be my future brother-in-law doesn't give you the right to tell me what to do.

- No, it doesn't, but being sheriff does.

- Oh now!

Listen to the big, tough Matt Dillon type.

What are you gonna do, give us till sundown to get out of town, Sheriff?

(friends laugh) - No, I'm gonna give you about one minute to turn this car around and get outta here, 'cause I'm about to lose my patience.

- Well, I've already lost mine, fuzz.

- Look, punk.

Don't ever call me "fuzz."

When you talk to me, call me "Sheriff."

Now get outta here!

(tense music) (engine roars) - What the devil's wrong with that Bowers kid?

- Aw, he's just mad 'cause I made him go back to town.

Find anything?

- No, the tracks seem to lead off in the east there, but I lost 'em here where the ground gets rocky.

- East, huh?

- Yeah, they seem to come from the general direction of where that rocket... Say, where the rocket fell.

You don't suppose there's any connection between the rocket and this thing that we're- - No, I don't see how.

Come on, we got work to do.

(suspenseful music) Any calls yet?

- Yeah, one.

- Pat on his way?

- Should be here any minute.

- Good.

- Clint, bad news.

- What's that?

- The Williams kid didn't make it.

- Aw, that's tough.

He was a nice boy.

- That's too bad.

- Who's gonna break the news to the parents?

- I'll have to do it.

Ben, go down and patrol that river road till I get some state police up here, and don't let anyone near that place.

- Right.

(upbeat music) - Man, this is a bomb.

We had a real swinging weekend planned.

That stupid sheriff had to go and blow it.

- Oh, you know, they're all the same.

You pin one of those dime store badges on 'em and all of a sudden they're big men from Tough Town.

- The nerve of that guy.

What does your sister see in him anyway, Darlene?

- It's a long story.

He and Bob, you know, Joan's husband, were close friends.

They fought together in Korea.

Then when Bob was killed and Clint finally got back, they kind of drifted together.

The weird thing is she's really stuck on him.

- Boy, are you lucky.

Gonna have a real live sheriff in the family.

- I'll only be a minute, Pat.

- Hi, honey.

Aren't you a little early?

- Joan, honey, I'm sorry, but- - Don't tell me.

Our dinner date tonight's canceled?

- I can't help it.

Something real serious came up.

- I know.

I was in Emergency when they brought in those kids.

- Then you saw them?

- Yes.

Clint, what happened to them?

- That's what I'm trying to find out.

- Well, I'm worried.

They say it happened at Satan's Hollow.

Darlene went up there this morning with that Rex Bowers.

- Well, you can stop worrying.

I ran into them and told 'em to come back into town.

Which reminds me, why don't you discourage Darlene from runnin around with that Bowers boy?

He's headed for real trouble.

- I've talked to her.

She won't listen.

- Well, you better have another talk with her.

I'm sorry, honey.

I gotta leave.

I'll call you later.

- Bye, honey.

Take care of yourself.

- You know, when I think how stupid people really are, keeping us away from the lake and blowing our party.

- Yeah, I guess they think we're gonna drive out there and load their old rocket in the back seat of your convertible and then make off with it.

- Haven't you heard?

They think we're foreign spies.

- Well, I'm not gonna let the fuzz tell me what to do.

I'm gonna wait till it's dark and go out there again.

You with me?

- Yeah, groovy!

- Sure.

- Well, what do you think?

- I'm in, but I think we should invite everybody.

- Yeah, the more people, the crazier the blast.

Hey, there's someone we can invite.

- Who?

- Chris Jordan.

He and Judy probably are looking for something to do.

- Well, I'll go ask him.

Let me out, Rex.

- Wait a minute.

Let Carla ask him, it's her idea.

- No, she wants to ask him because she still has a big crush on him.

Right, Darlene?

- Shut up, Carla.

- Hey, what is this, anyway?

- Why, didn't you know?

Darlene and Chris had a big item going two years ago.

- If you don't shut up- - Is it true?

What about it?

- Yes, we were engaged once.

Why?

- Well, why didn't you tell me anything about it?

- You never asked.

- [Roger] Hey, man, sit down.

Don't blow your cool over some chick.

- Oh, gee, I hope you didn't get in any trouble with your house mother.

- No, Mrs. Pierce wasn't here when I came in.

- Ooh, that's good.

Look, why don't I pick you up about seven and we'll go for a drive or something?

Maybe it'll make you feel better.

Well, maybe we'll run into some of the gang and drum up some excitement.

Yeah, I guess we have had enough excitement for one day.

Okay, we'll do something together, just the two of us.

All right, sweetie.

Goodbye.

- [Carla] Hey, you didn't even talk to him.

- No need to.

I heard him calling Judy.

They want to be antisocial, just the two of them.

- How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways.

- You heard the whole conversation?

- At least his side.

- Lay it on us, baby.

What'd he say, what'd he say?

- He said what?

Well, you can tell him for me I don't give a damn how undermanned his department is.

I need state troopers up here to help me!

That's better!

Now the state barracks is giving me trouble.

- State police chief's an old friend of Tides Potts.

They're probably still sore about your getting Tidy's job.

- Look, Clint, I hate to bring this up right now, but- - Wait a minute, Wes.

Pat, I want you to call Alan Clayton at the university.

Find out if he's available tonight.

If you don't find him there, try his home.

And Pat, use the phone in the other office, will you?

- Right, Sheriff.

- Okay, Wes, now what were you saying?

- I was saying that I hate to bring it up right now, but I've got a paper to get out.

Now how long do I have to hold this story?

- Look, Wes, this involves the welfare and safety of the whole county.

If word of this got out right now, no telling what might happen.

- Clint, I have a responsibility to my subscribers.

- And I have a responsibility for their safety.

Look, all I'm asking you is to keep a lid on it a couple of days.

Now how 'bout it?

- All right.

I may as well go back to the office.

- Uh, Wes.

This is for the state crime lab.

Drop it off for me, will you?

- Sure.

Anything else?

- No, that's all.

Now don't forget to drop it off.

I want the lab to get on it right away.

- Don't worry.

I'll see you later.

(intercom buzzes) - [Pat] Sheriff, I've got the professor on the line.

You want to speak to him?

- Thanks, Pat.

Hello, Alan?

I got a puzzle you might be able to help me with.

- I'm Loren Lester and you're watching "Nightmare Theatre."

(spooky surf rock music) - Hello, and welcome back to "Nightmare"- - Boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss!

- What is it?

What has gotten into you?

Can't you seem I'm trying to talk to the good people at home in an effort to soften the blow caused by this horrible movie?

- No time for movie talk-talk-talk, boss.

I'm launching my literary career.

I was thinking about what you said about that lady who wrote all those letters to that old man, that whole book full of 'em.

- And we're off.

I should've seen this coming.

- So I decided to start sending out letters to my favorite celebrity, and I just a stack of responses.

I'll publish 'em.

I'll be a man of letters.

- [Mondo] Oh, do tell.

- Here, let me open the first one.

Let me just read from this.

It says: "From the law offices of Rosenblatt, O'Brien, Smith, and Sanchez"?

- You wrote to some attorneys?

- No, I didn't, they wrote to me.

You know, maybe the attorneys read a story about my letters in the literary press, or maybe the British press, and they want to represent me.

- (laughs) I think I see where this is going.

Well, pen pal to the stars, let's keep reading here.

- Okay.

"Dear Mr. El Sapo de Tempesto," that's me.

"Despite our repeated requests, you continue to harass our client, Ms. Sally Struthers."

Wow, boss.

She's knows I'm alive.

- You better keep reading, Romeo.

- Okay, where was I?

Let me see here.

"Therefore you are instructed to henceforth cease and desist with all contact with Ms. Struthers or with anyone affiliated with Ms. Struthers, or we will seek all remedies available to our client, both civil and criminal."

I wonder what that means, boss.

- It means you'll be writing your next letters from federal prison.

- Sheesh, I wonder how many packs of smokes a stamp goes for these days.

Let me open this other letter here.

Might be something good in this one, maybe.

- I don't think so.

- Maybe.

Let me see here.

Let me see.

I think this is gonna be the good one.

This one says: "Dear Mr. El Sapo de Tem..." "Tempesto," that's me again.

"We have reached the limit of our patience with you."

- I know how they feel.

- "Please stop writing to us, for the tenth and final time.

Mrs. Butterworth is not a real person, she's a corporate logo and fictional entity.

Even if she were a real person, we doubt she would want to communicate or consort with you.

Please do not contact us again.

In fact, please do not purchase any of our products."

Well, that's a bit harsh.

"There are many other good syrups on the market.

We are enclothing..." "Closing," I guess, "coupons for other good syrups.

There are several competing brands.

All syrups are the same, really.

If you contact us again, we will refer the matter to our attorneys."

- It would seem you're not having much luck with this letter writing project, are you?

You're unpopular on paper as you are in real life.

- That's one man's opinion, boss.

Just one man's opinion.

- And the opinion of a massive law firm with offices in all 50 states.

Those lawyers are gonna eat you alive, Sapo.

And you've also managed to get a global multinational corporation against you as well.

I'd start watching prison movies for tips if I were you, buddy boy.

- I'm up against it, boss, I certainly admit that.

The cards are certainly stacked against me.

- Yep, karma, kismet, fate, call it what you will, one thing is for certain: you're bound for a life of striped pajamas and tin plates.

Hopefully the prison you wind up in will allow visitors.

- You know, that's really kind of you fellas.

You too, Mittens, I'd appreciate a visit from you two from time to time when I'm locked up.

I'm sure it would renew my spirits.

- Oh, oh no, we're not coming to see you.

Never.

We're gonna sell tickets.

All of America will unite when it comes to seeing you in the hoosegow.

Partisan differences will be a thing of the past.

The full force of the US government will be united like they were in World War II against a common enemy, you.

- Oh, you don't mean that, boss.

- [Mondo] Oh, oh no, it's true.

- Well, would you send me like a cake or a pie with a file in it?

- Sure, I'm gonna get right on that.

Folks, while we wait for the duly deputized representatives of the law to come and haul El Sapo to the big house, why don't we get back to "Night Fright" here on "Nightmare Theatre"?

(foreboding music) - [Chris] Hi.

- [Judy] Oh, Chris, I'm so glad you're here.

- [Chris] Well, what's the matter?

You're shaking!

- [Judy] It's simply gotten to me, Chris.

Nothing like this has ever happened before.

- You gotta pull yourself together.

I mean, going to pieces won't help matters any.

- [Judy] But what are we going to do?

- [Chris] Well, we are not gonna do anything, except try to get ourselves back to normal.

Let's get something to eat.

- [Judy] Oh, I don't think I can eat anything.

But I'll try.

- Okay.

(engine cranks) (ominous music) - Hi, Judy!

Hi, Chris!

- Hello, Betty.

- Hi, Betty.

- What'll you have?

- Couple of hamburgers and Cokes, I guess.

- You on your way to the blast too?

- What blast?

- What are you talking about?

- The beach party.

Rex and Darlene and some of the others just left.

Said they were going to the lake.

- Chris, they don't know what danger they're in.

- Oh, they'll be all right.

The cops'll never let 'em get near the place.

- But what if they sneak in?

You know how stubborn Rex is.

- No, I don't.

I'm not as well acquainted with him as you are.

- Oh, Chris, don't be juvenile.

- Look, Judy, I could care less what happens to Rex Bowers.

- What about Darlene and the others?

I think you should call Sheriff Crawford so they can notify the officers out there to watch for them.

If any of them were to get hurt or killed, we'd never forgive ourselves.

- All right.

(foreboding music) (students laughing) - [Girl] Hey, you guys are late!

- Sorry, we stopped off to get some goodies.

- Hey, you have any trouble sneaking past the patrol?

- [Rex] Nah.

- Most of 'em are over by Satan's Hollow anyway.

(partygoers chattering) (suspenseful music) - The sheriff isn't in his office.

- Do you try Darlene's sister?

- Yeah, but she had already left the hospital.

I called her house and she isn't there either.

- Okay.

We'd better go to the lake and tell the gang to stay away from there.

- Whatever you say.

- Hey!

What about your order?

(upbeat rock and roll music) (upbeat rock and roll music) - [Clint] What do you make of it, Alan?

- [Alan] Well, I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like it.

- Why do you say that?

- Well, it does have some familiar characteristics, but there are also certain differences.

- Differences?

From what?

- Like from an alligator print.

That's what this impression resembles.

- Strange.

That's what Ben said.

- And you say you tried to follow the tracks?

- Yeah.

Yeah, but we lost 'em on hard ground.

- Hmm.

Say how 'bout a drink?

- Oh, no, thanks.

I'm on duty.

- You don't mind if I have one, do you?

- Be my guest.

(foreboding music) (ominous music) (phone rings) - Sheriff's office, Deputy Lance speaking.

Oh, hi, Joan.

No, he isn't here right now.

He drove over to Lanesburg to Professor Clayton's house.

Yeah.

- Then you're not sure what kind of animal made that track?

- Nope, but I'd like to study the moulage a little longer.

- All right, Alan, but I need to know something as soon as possible.

- Right.

I'll try and let you know something by morning.

- Fine, I'd appreciate it.

Goodnight, Alan.

- Goodnight, Clint.

(pensive music) - Unit 1 calling Base.

Unit 1 calling Base.

Pat, I'm leaving Professor Clayton's house, headed for Satan's Hollow.

Unit 1 out.

(phone rings) - Hello?

- This is Joan Scott.

Is Sheriff Crawford there?

- No, he just left.

- Oh.

I missed him at the office too.

Well, thank you anyway.

(foreboding music) (engine cranks) (thunder cracks) (spooky surf rock music) - And so some people say- - Okay?

- That if you walk out there at night, you can still hear the cries of the creature.

- Ooh!

That's probably just like the Wooley Swamp.

- Yeah, it is.

Well, you don't want to go to Wooley Swamp.

You better not go tonight.

Well, we're back, anyway.

Yes, my friends, and we're here once again in, uh, this part of the TV station.

What's it called?

The- - Sub.

- It's a sub, yeah.

- Sub.

- Sub, yeah.

- Sub.

- Sub, and- - One more.

Subbasement.

- Subbasement.

- Oh, the subbasement!

Yeah, that's right.

And we're here with the mysterious Curator, and he's brought us another wonderful item from the Merrill Movie Museum.

And this looks very interesting.

This was like... Was this one of your science projects?

- [El Sapo] Yeah, I think it was.

It's a volcano, right?

(imitates explosion).

- No, this is actually a very interesting model that's got some very interesting history behind it.

So this was made for "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine," and actually, for a time, this was Star Trek's Deep Space Nine space station.

This was the initial prototype they made of how they expected the space station to look in the series.

They'd done all kinds of designs, this was approved.

They went out to make a model of it and then they decided they didn't like the look.

And they went back to the drawing board and they designed the space station that we know and love now from the series that was on for seven seasons and still very much beloved.

So they still had this model hanging around.

Again, this could have been, in another world, this could have been the space station.

They instead used this as an alien city in another episode.

So this was used on-screen, but that's not the most interesting thing about it.

- [El Sapo] It was a city?

- Yes, it was used as an alien city.

- Eventually they used it as a city.

But originally this would have been the station where all the action took place in that show, mostly.

I mean, especially for several seasons, it was all taking place on the station.

But, of course, this design...

I mean, they got all the way to this point where, as you said, this was approved, this was ready to go on-screen, they were gonna build it, and then they decided to change it, they changed their mind.

Does that happen a lot?

- It's not totally uncommon.

You know, you go through stages, you build...

I mean, even if you look at some of the most famous things.

You go back and look at some of Ralph McQuarrie's illustrations for "Star Wars," they look very different than the finished product, and then they started making some prototypes.

There are some prototypes of some of those things that look more like Ralph McQuarrie's designs.

- Things change.

I used to have a red and blue mask.

- You get 'em on camera, you take a look at 'em, "Ah, that doesn't look quite as cool as we thought it was going to," and they go back to the drawing board until they get it right.

- So what is this actually made of?

- Pretty much plastic.

It's just kind of molded plastic really that's been put together and painted.

And they may have decided once they did this that they were going to paint it different colors.

Again, this is very much just a- - Maybe add a light?

- A prototype, yeah.

- A prototype of it.

- Street sign or something?

- Yeah, if you compare this to what we eventually got on the series, you can see the model is very detailed, has a lot of different colors on it and different working pieces.

And some of those pieces are actually not pieces of the model.

They did, for some close-up scenes, like they might do a close-up of the phaser banks and that might have a separate model.

And in fact, we have a couple of those in the collection.

They might do, you know, a look at one small piece and they might do that as a separate piece rather than just panning around the entire model.

- But a lot of that stuff in space, particularly out in space, is all miniatures and all models and things like that.

- Right.

- And they kinda go in digitally.

Digital for television was just kinda happening at the time that "Deep Space Nine" came out, so I'm sure they relied on a lot of models and then adding that digital element later.

- Yeah, they would've filmed against a green screen and then put in the star field and various effects and things like that.

- Yeah, it's a fascinating piece because it does give you so much history of what they were maybe looking for.

Maybe we could've been seeing something completely different on screen than what we saw in the final series.

Again, thank you for bringing us such a piece of screen history.

And why don't you folks get back to the movie here on "Nightmare Theatre"?

(upbeat surf rock music) (foreboding music) (ominous music) (beast growling) (engine revs) (frantic music) (engine revving) (beast growling) (engine roars) (engine roars) (ominous music) - Unit 1 to the sheriff's office.

Unit 1 to the sheriff's office!

Come in, Pat!

Come in!

Unit 1 to the sheriff's office!

Come in, Pat!

I'm trapped in Satan's Hollow!

The car is stuck!

Come in, Pat!

Anybody!

Come in!

My god, come in somebody!

(frantic music) (beast growling) Hurry up, somebody!

Come in, Pat!

Come in!

My god, come in, somebody!

(ominous music) Come in, Pat!

Come in, Pat!

Anybody!

My god, help me!

(beast growling) (Ben shouting) (glass crashes) The window!

(gunshot pops) (metal thuds) Come in, Pat!

Come in!

(frantic music) (beast growling) (Ben screams) (Darlene howls) (upbeat rock and roll music) (beast growling) (upbeat rock and roll music) (upbeat rock and roll music) (beast growling) (beast growling) - [Radio DJ] And there's a great new instrumental by the Wildcats, another classic for our top 40.

Now, if you cats wanna eat at the swingingest place in town- - Hey, someone's coming.

- Chris and Judy.

What are you doing out here?

- I came to tell you take your party somewhere else.

- What and leave here?

- You're sick, man.

- What's with everybody, anyhow?

That's all we heard all day long.

"Get away from here.

Stay away from here."

It's beginning to sound like a broken record.

- We have as much right here as anyone else.

- Look, I'm telling you this for your own good.

- Well, I'm fed up taking orders, lover boy.

You go take your advice and peddle it somewhere else.

- Listen, Rex- - No, you listen!

Nobody invited you and little miss Sunday school out here.

This is our private blast, and if you don't dig it, split.

- I'm just trying to help you- - I said split!

- Look, buddy, don't push me.

(tense music) (Rex and Chris grunting) - Okay, okay!

You proved your point!

(Rex panting) - All right, I'm telling you for the last time, and you'd better take my word for it.

You're in a lot of danger if you stay here.

End of advice.

Come on, Judy.

- [Darlene] You okay, honey?

(engine cranks) - [Roger] Well, it was getting to get too cold for comfort out here anyway.

- [Clara] Yeah, gang, why don't we go over to Mitch's house?

He has a heated swimming pool.

- [Guy] Yeah, come on, let's go with 'em out there.

- [Roger] Coming, Rex?

- Aw, you cats go ahead and split if you want to.

I'll leave here when I get good and ready!

- Yeah, but you got the wheels, remember?

- So ride with Mitch!

- Hey, don't get touchy about it.

Come on, Carla.

- What about you, Darlene?

- I'd better stay with Rex.

(pensive music) Come on.

Does it hurt much?

- Nah, just a scratch.

- Shall I kiss it to make it well?

- I thought your sister was the only nurse in your family.

- Mm-mm.

Shows you how wrong you can be.

- [Rex] Mm-hmm.

(ominous music) (beast growling) (beast grunting) (suspenseful music) (both scream) (beast growling) (ominous music) (beast growling) (beast grunting) (beast growling) (frantic music) (beast growling) (Judy screams) - [Judy] Help!

(ominous music) - Oh my god!

(beast grunting) Oh my god!

- It's coming!

- Quick, inside, now!

- Oh my god!

(beast grunting) Open it, open it!

- [Joan] Oh, it's locked!

- Hurry!

Help!

Hurry!

- I can't get it open!

(frantic music) (beast grunting) (girls whimpering) - Girls, quick, hurry in!

(gunshots crack) (beast grunting) (gunshot cracks) Joanie, into your car, quick!

(beast grunting) - Clint, I can't leave you!

(gunshot cracks) - Get outta here!

(beast growling) (gunshot cracks) (beast grunting) (ominous music) (beast growling) (beast grunting) (beast growling) (beast growling) (frantic music) (beast grunting) (beast growling) (beast grunting) (beast growling) (frantic music) (beast grunting) (beast growling) (beast grunting) (ominous music) - [Judy] He didn't hurt you, did he?

- [Chris] No.

- [Judy] Well, I still don't know a lot about it, but I think we should've told them.

- [Chris] Maybe you're right, but... Well, the sheriff told us not to say anything, remember?

At least, anyway, I tried.

- [Judy] Oh, Rex will never listen to anyone.

But I guess the sheriff knows what he's doing.

- [Chris] I sure hope so.

(foreboding music) - [Judy] Oh, Chris, this is a creepy old road.

- [Chris] Yeah.

Hey, that's the sheriff's car!

- [Judy] I don't see anybody around.

- [Chris] I think I'll take a look.

- [Judy] Wait, Chris!

Don't leave me!

- Okay, come on.

Don't, Judy.

Don't look.

- What is it?

- It's Ben Whitfield.

He's dead.

- Oh, Chris, let's get out of here.

(brush rustling) (suspenseful music) (brush rustling) Chris!

- [Clint] Chris!

Chris!

Chris!

Judy!

- Sheriff Crawford!

What happened to you?

- [Clint] Nevermind.

Where's Ben?

- [Chris] In the car.

(ominous music) - Let's get back to town!

- Yes, sir.

- Hello, and welcome back.

You know, guys, I was thinking about the monster in tonight's movie.

- There's a monster?

- Of sorts.

He seems to be a mishmash of all kinds of scary monsters and supercreeps.

There's a cobbled-together reason at the end of the movie- - No, no, no!

Don't tell me, don't tell me!

I hate spoilers!

- Good, I won't tell you.

The less time I have to spend talking to you, the better.

All I will I will say is the so-called monster is a mutant, a combination of a lot of things.

It shows what happens when things not meant to go together are spliced in defiance of nature.

Say, wait a minute.

Things that don't go together?

- Hey, are you getting an idea, boss?

- I think I am!

- Well, I am way ahead of you.

- Oh, no.

- I had the boys in the marketing department down in the lab come up with a brand-new game that the kids at home are gonna love.

- What are you babbling about?

I was thinking about having you make lunch out of leftovers from last night.

- Oh.

- Maybe red wine can go with fish sticks, eggplant, and salsa.

Maybe they'll combine nicely.

- Food, schmood!

I was thinking about a way to help the kids out there learn about science.

- And you're gonna help 'em with that?

- Indeed I am, boss.

- Okay.

(sighs) - As I was saying, kids can learn about science and have a good time while doing so.

- What do you know about science?

- I know quite a bit about science, but not as much as my good pal Mittens here.

Do you know, do you know, he once delivered a series of lectures at some liquor stores near MIT, and he told me that there are four types of DNA: adenine, thymine, guanine, and cytosine.

Did I say those?

Did I say those right?

Now, I will be in my cold, cold, miserable grave before I recognize cytosine, so I have come up with a game that mixes the three goods strands of DNA and allows kids to mitch and max them.

- Wait, what are you even talking about?

- It's all in my game here, boss.

It's all in my game, and I am very glad you asked.

- Well, I'm not.

I swear I never shoulda gotten out of bed this month.

- Let me talk.

Hey, parents, legal guardians, and various representatives of the juvenile justice system, do you want you children and/or clients to learn about the wonders of DNA, gene splicing, horrible mutations, and the dangers of tampering in God's precious domain?

Well, have we got a deal for you!

- [Mondo] Oh boy, folks.

Here we go again.

The best thing to do is just sit back and let the madness envelop us.

- Folks, I am here to tell you that DNA is the very building blocks of- - Sapo?

- Yeah?

What is it, boss?

What is it?

- You know a lot about DNA, right?

- Well, I'm proud to say I do have a plowman's knowledge of the subject.

- Tell me and the good folks at home just one thing: what does DNA stand for?

- Well...

Uh, hmm.

Well, I don't know for sure.

I think it has something to do with Suzanne Vega.

I know it was discovered at a diner owned by a guy named Tom or something.

- It was not.

So you don't know what DNA stands for and yet you've created a game to teach people about combining DNA strands?

- Yes indeed, boss.

Let me tell you how this works.

- You can tell them.

I don't care.

- See, each one of these cards right here represents a different strand of DNA.

You take one card from each stack and insert each one into the special patent pending DNA confabulizer.

You attach this Linux-based computer system, flip some dials and flip some notches, you push this button, and a visual representation is sent to the monitor of your choice.

- Utterly and patently ridiculous.

- Okay, let me see.

We should be... We should be getting a visual representation of what this particular DNA combination... Any second now.

Yes, there it is, right there on the screen.

Well, he is certainly a handsome devil!

- [Mondo] So this particular combination of DNA yields a creature with hairy ape legs, four weird arms, and your head?

- I'm just as confused as you are, boss.

I'm just a ball of confusion here.

- Oh, I'm not confused at all.

- Let me try this again.

I must have done something wrong.

Hold on.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

- What are you gonna do?

- That's why pencils have erasers.

Let me try again.

Let me try again.

(Mondo sighs) - You're gonna try another- - There, there.

(confabulizer warbles) - [Mondo] Oh, of course!

This one has a lizard tail, hairy ape chest, and your head.

- [El Sapo] Huh.

Let me try one more time.

Maybe the third time.

Maybe the third time is the charm, boss.

- It's not gonna work.

- That's probably what it is.

Let me see.

Maybe I gotta switch that up there.

Okay, ready?

(confabulizer warbles) - [Mondo] Hmm, this fine fellow has weird legs, and a tail, and some kinda Frankenstein chest, and your head.

- [El Sapo] Dang it!

- You've clearly contaminated the entire system.

As usual, you ruin everything you touch.

- Maybe I sneezed into the box, but as John Agar is my witness, I wiped it clean.

- You know, maybe you didn't contaminate the samples.

Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps you yourself are a monster?

Maybe the common thread in all monster DNA is you?

- Boss?

Are you implying or suggesting that I myself am some kinda monster?

- Oh no, Sapo.

- Phew!

- I'm not suggesting or implying it.

I am outright screaming it from the rooftops.

Folks, why don't you get back to the movie while Mommy's little monster here faces the fact that he's society's greatest mutation?

- I don't care how shorthanded you are.

I need more men!

You sent me two men to patrol that whole area.

Some kids slipped past 'em last night and one of the kids was killed.

Now what am I supposed to tell his parents?

That their state patrol couldn't spare the men?

No, I need at least 20 men!

Then they'll be there in an hour?

Fine.

Pat, come here.

I want you to go out there and meet those troopers.

See they cover every road leading in there, that one, that one, and the Satan's Hollow road.

I want that whole area sealed off, got it?

- Right.

- Now hop to it.

I'll be along later.

- [Pat] Yes, sir.

- Honey, how's Darlene?

- She'll be all right.

I left her at my aunt's house with a doctor.

Poor kid was in shock.

All the way home she just sat there beside me, as rigid and motionless as a mannequin.

- Well, shouldn't you be with her?

I mean, there's no... What did you say?

- About Darlene?

- No, no, the part about the mannequin.

- Clint, I don't understand.

- Just a minute, honey.

(phone rings) - Gazette, Blau speaking.

Clint.

You got anything I can print yet?

- No, not yet, but there is something you can do for me that could get you the biggest story you've ever printed.

Now, I want you to get in touch with Maury Stern.

He won't be at his store this late, but I'm sure you can find him at... - Okay, I'll take care of that for you.

- Goodbye, Wes.

Alan!

I didn't expect you here tonight.

- Yeah, well, after some consideration, I thought I'd better talk to you again.

Uh, could I speak with you alone?

- Well, sure.

Joan, if you and the kids don't mind.

- [Joan] We'll get a cup of coffee.

- All right, Alan, what's on your mind?

- Well, Clint, I'm afraid I wasn't being entirely honest with you earlier this evening.

To tell you the truth, as soon as I saw that moulage I had an idea what that creature was.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- Well, I'll try and explain.

When I was at Cape Kennedy, I was involved in space research.

Well, it was top secret work, so naturally there were some people I had to check with before I could give you any information.

- Then what you're saying is that this creature or whatever it is is connected with the government's space program?

- I believe so.

You see, we were involved in a project called Operation Noah's Ark.

The purpose of the project was to try to ascertain the effects of cosmic radiation on live animals.

Well, we sent a rocket further out into space than any rocket containing life had ever gone.

It contained over 40 different kinds of animal life.

But when it got 300,000 miles out, which is well beyond the moon, we lost contact.

Well, after about three months we abandoned hope and gave it up for lost.

And then suddenly, last night, one of our tracking stations picked it up again as it reentered the earth's atmosphere.

Now, the thing that was strange about it was the length of time it had been gone, almost six months.

- Then what happened?

- Well, you know the rest.

That was it that fell outside of town last night.

That's why they wouldn't let anybody near it.

- And that's why they brought you out there?

- Clint, I can't begin to describe the horror of what we found inside that wreckage.

I'll never forget the sight of those horrible mutations.

- They were still alive?

- Some of them were.

The rest of them had been eaten by something huge.

- Yeah, I ran into that something earlier this evening.

It almost killed me.

It's killed four times already.

It's not gonna kill again if I can prevent it.

Chris, you and the girls can come in now.

Chris?

- Yes, sir?

- Your father owns a construction company, doesn't he?

- [Chris] Yes, sir.

- Here's a list of things I need.

Can you get 'em for me?

- Sure, no sweat.

- Okay, meet me at the west shore intersection as soon as possible.

- Yes, sir.

- Hey, Chris, wait for me!

- Well, Clint, have you got a plan?

- Yep.

You ever go duck hunting?

- Duck hunting?

Why, sure.

- Then you know about decoys.

- Mm-hmm.

Would you mind making it a little bit clearer?

- On the way out there.

Joan, I'll drop you off at your aunt's.

- No, I'm going with you.

I'm not staying behind, not knowing what's happening to you out there.

I'm going and that's final.

- All right.

Come on.

(foreboding music) Pat, how's it coming?

- [Pat] Area's sealed off tighter than a drum.

- Fine.

How 'bout you, Wes?

Get everything?

- [Wes] Everything but one... - Joan!

Honey, I hate to ask you this, but there's one small favor you can do for me.

Now, Wes got everything except for one... (suspenseful music) - [Chris] Sorry I'm late, Sheriff, but some of this stuff was hard to find.

- Okay, Chris.

Put it in Wes' car.

Chris!

- Yeah?

- Why did you bring Judy with you?

Why didn't you take her back to her dorm?

- Well, I didn't want to delay.

I thought you wanted the stuff right away.

- All right, you stay in the car with her.

- Yes, sir.

- Everybody move out!

(foreboding music) - Chris, what does he want with all that stuff?

- I don't know what he wanted with it.

(suspenseful music) (crickets chirping) (beast grunting) (crickets chirping) (beast grunting) (foreboding music) (beast grunting) (ominous music) (Judy screams) (beast grunting) - [Chris] Run!

(crickets chirping) (tense music) (beast grunting) (suspenseful music) (ominous music) (beast growling) Sheriff, it's after us!

(beast grunting) (beast growling) (ominous music) - [Clint] Get over behind those rocks!

(beast grunting) (gunshots crack) (beast grunting) (gunshots crack) (beast grunting) (tense music) (blast roars) (pensive music) - I'll bet Maury Stern never thought one of his mannequins would end up as a booby trap, huh?

(all chuckle) (bright music) - You all right, honey?

- Yeah, except for my favorite uniform being blown to pieces.

- I'll buy you all the uniforms you want.

(upbeat music) - Hello, and welcome back.

One thing we can say about this movie for sure: it's over and it cannot hurt us anymore.

- I still have a bit of crick of a...

Bit of a crick in my neck, boss.

I think the movie might've caused it.

- [Mondo] I sincerely hope it did.

I hope you're suffering and this movie caused that pain.

- Boss, I'm not sure I understand this movie at all.

What made the monster?

- Well, Sapo, I will tell you what I told the American Medical Association when they interviewed me about this film.

They were worried that this movie would lead to a mental health pandemic and they asked for my advice.

They asked me about the monster, and I said the monster appeared to be some sort of alligator that was exposed to cosmic rays and mutated.

- How did that happen?

- NASA put a gator on a rocket.

- That is insane.

That's crazy.

- Yes, and I hope you have learned a valuable lesson tonight.

- I have, I have.

The DNA mix-up game was a very bad idea.

- That's your takeaway?

- Yes, it is probably best to use all four strands of DNA when creating a monster.

I bet if I go back again, I will get even better results!

- No, stupid, I meant it's foolish to even attempt such things!

- Even as a home game?

- Yes, even as a home game.

The world is a mysteriously wonderful place and none of us know why or how new life forms are created.

You yourself mystify biologists to this day.

Yes, life is a mystery and everyone must stand alone and figure it out for themselves, but we also must let the process take its own course.

NASA shouldn't send reptiles to the moon and you shouldn't mix DNA.

In many of these awful movies, you'll find scientists that accidentally create new life forms and then they are surprised that those new life forms lash out and kill people.

- You are absolutely right, boss.

Only naturally evolving species should be allowed to kill.

- Sapo, that's not... You know what?

I give up.

I can't discuss evolutionary biology with you, so let's just drop it, this is not the time or the place.

What have we got on tap for next week, Sapo?

- We have this, boss!

(dramatic orchestral music) (thunder cracks) - [Announcer] "Bride of the Gorilla."

With Barbara Payton, Lon Chaney, Raymond Burr, and Tom Conway.

The dramatic story of a strange curse that brought terror to a man and frenzy to a woman in love.

- Don't go away.

- You do love me, don't you?

That's all I need to know.

Well, you're standing in my way, and Dina's.

We love each other.

What are you gonna do about it?

- Did you see this animal?

- Yes, I have seen the animal.

It walks in his hind legs.

- Like a man?

- No, like a beast that walks like a man.

- Oh, let's go back, Barney, please.

- I'll never go back.

Never.

- Stop!

- Go on.

Why don't you shoot?

You can't miss.

- Barney!

(suspenseful music) (gorilla grunting) (gorilla roars) (gunshot cracks) (dramatic orchestral music) - You will pay, Sapo.

You will pay!

I'll tell you right now, folks, that the movie is the kinda movie that tears apart the fabric of sanity.

I'm warning you in advance, brace yourself, and until next time, (sighs) may all your dreams be nightmares.

(thunder cracks) (spooky surf rock music)