(bright music) (gun fires) (glass shatters) - Uh, engine.

And gearbox, yeah.

1,000 pounds?

You've gotta be joking!

I didn't know war had been decl.

- Lovejoy.

- Unless the army's delivering .

- You restoring that?

- Restoring?

Oh, yes.

Yes!

Restoring.

- [Chatfield] Regency.

- Yeah, will be.

Will be a very nice piece again.

- Late Regency.

- Very late.

It should've been done this wee.

- You're a divvy.

- Well, what's in a name, serge?

- Major.

- Sergeant Major.

- No, the name's Major Chatfiel.

- Oh.

- Lovejoy, I'll be honest.

- Must you?

- You weren't my first choice.

- I rarely am, but I'm unspoiled by failure.

- Do you know anything about paintings, pictures?

- Well, on a clear day, with a following wind, I can tell a Picasso from a Piz.

- What do you think of this?

- Rule one, always check there t a Christie's number on the back.

It can save a lotta face.

- Could you sell it for me?

- No.

- Why not?

- I'm an antique dealer, this was done yesterday.

- Two years ago, actually.

Ashley Wilkes, the Gypsy painte.

Well, he's not actually a gyppo, he's more of a nomad.

Travels with his paints in the back of the van.

Only took him two hours.

- Really?

Talent like that, shame he didn't spend two days on it or two weeks.

- You think he can paint?

- I know he can.

- Can you find him for me?

- Hmm?

- Find him.

- Sell the painting, find the a, I'm not Sherlock Holmes, no.

If he's gone AWOL, try the Salvy or the News of the World.

- I can't afford publicity, any more than you can afford to turn me down.

- Oh, can't I?

- You're behind with your rates, you owe three months' rent, and the bank has started to bounce your checks.

- Temporary cash flow.

- You owe four dealers in the area, that I know of, and you still haven't paid last quarter's garage bill.

- I admire thoroughness.

- 200 a day?

- Three days in advance.

- Okay.

- Why do you want him found?

- I promised him a job if, it c, a mural in the officers' mess.

When could you start?

- You're hustling me, but I am between jobs.

- You're between jobs a lot.

- Mm.

(quirky music) - Did he bite?

- Yes, I think so.

- What do you mean "think", either he bit or he didn't?

- Yes, he bit.

- How long will it take?

- He doesn't know.

- You told him it was urgent?

- Of course.

- Serving major in the British , all spit and polish, looking for an artist?

I should cocoa.

To paint a mura?

Biggest load of cobblers I've heard in years.

Still, the money's useful.

Come to think of it, any money'.

- [Tinker] Why get involved?

- [Lovejoy] I'm intrigued.

It only took him two hours.

- [Tinker] Blimey!

- Exactly.

How do we find him, Tink?

- You have to go on the knocker.

- Oh, no, life's too short.

It is for the Morris, I'm sure .

- Pity Eric's not here.

- Yeah.

- Where is he?

- Mm, uh.

He's in Wales.

- What's he doing?

- Thank you, love.

Fishing.

- We should bait a couple of hooks ourselves.

- I've already done that.

Called Lisa at the Advertiser.

- Don't you owe her?

- Of course I owe her, this is her chance to break even.

- That's what you said last tim.

- Whose side are you on, Tink?

- What did you put in?

- "American buyer wishes to pure genuine Ashley Wilkes for cash."

- Old US dollars, the greenback.

Should get their greedy little minds working.

- Yeah.

Ashley Wilkes... Are you sure you don't know him?

Works out the back of his jam j.

- So does the double glazing man, Lovejoy, but is it art?

(Lovejoy chuckles) (door thuds) (gentle music) (footsteps plodding) - Hello, you there!

I'm talking to you!

- Me?

- You.

What are you doing?

- Oh, a daub or two.

An ill-favored thing, but mine .

- Shouldn't you have asked?

- Asked?

You'd have me ask God if I can paint the sky next.

- It's my cottage, not God's.

- The most attractive I've seen all summer.

- Oh, you think so?

- Oh, yes.

Yes, it's beautiful.

The proportions, it's like a handsome face, it has structure.

Looks good now, it'll look good in 50 years.

A thing of beauty is a joy fore.

- How long will it take?

- Well, you know what they say, you can't hurry art.

- Oh, I'm not trying to hurry y, it's just that I have to go out.

- Oh, that's all right, I've got everything I need, palette, easel, subject.

- Do you ever sell them?

The finished canvases.

- Occasionally.

- Perhaps before you leave, you'd knock on the door?

- Maybe I could beg a cup of so?

- Might be arranged.

- You should do that more often.

- What?

- Smile.

It lights up the day.

Your skin has a luster that you don't often see outside porcela.

- What's your name?

- Oh, Wilkes.

Ashley Wilkes.

- [Alec] And then I thought we could slip over to Orford.

- Orford?

What's at Orford?

- Now, apart from us?

Oysters.

They grow 'em in Buttley Creek.

- Sounds good.

- And then, I thought, perhaps a little salmon, cured over oak.

- Mm.

Think I'd like to be cure.

- You're not ready for the cure.

- I'm not?

- No.

You're far too wicked.

Thank goodness.

(both giggle) Where's Harry?

- Germany.

- When's he back?

- Not till Friday.

Why not pop round on Thursday?

- I can hardly wait.

- Hm, one of yours?

- Good God, no!

It's Lovejoy.

- Well who's he?

- Local peasantry.

Excuse me.

Why don't you browse?

Good God, Lovejoy, haven't you got shot of this motor yet?

- Miriam has only had one previ, who happens to be a real lady.

- You look as if you're delivering King Edwards.

Why don't you do the decent thing, have her put down?

- Shh!

I will, when I can afford to replace her.

- Things can't be that bad, sur?

- You wanna bet?

- Hah!

How's it looking?

- You tell me.

- Oh.

(chuckling) Yes, good.

Very good.

- Mm, 30% markup, and you didn'e to dirty your donnies.

- Um, Lovejoy, uh, brass handle.

- What about them?

- How does one, um, age them?

- Depends on which one we're talking about.

This one or this one?

- Mm.

- Ah, find yourself a local farr with a muck spreading tank.

- Muck?

- Best way.

- Are you having me on?

- No, it's the ammonia in the c. - Do you mind?

- Life is real, dude.

- Well, it doesn't have to be t. - Ashley Wilkes, painter, conte, have you heard of him?

- Ashley Wilkes?

- Yeah.

I need to find him.

- The name's familiar.

There was a Wilkes, used to run a weekend art school on a farm near Braintree, I thi.

- You sure?

- Yes, pretty sure.

Unless it's a different Wilkes.

Uh, shouldn't you, uh, be somew?

- No.

(Lovejoy chuckles) Oh, Alec.

(car engine roars) (gears grinding) - Do you think he uses unleaded?

- [Allison] Hello, Mr. Lovejoy.

This is Alison Jukes, I have an antique shop in Lisden, I also have an Ashley Wilkes ife to come and have a look at it?

- Heads.

- Tails it is.

I'll take Miss Jukes, you take .

- Braintree?

- Yeah, why not?

- How am I going to get there?

- Your bike's outside.

- I can't bike to Braintree!

- Now, no excuses, Tink, you've always wanted to be a pa. - Have I?

- Yeah.

- Mm, must've forgotten.

- Well, this is your big chance.

Go down a hick, come back a Hoc.

- It'll cost you.

- Use the bread you owe me.

- But you owe me!

- Well, use that, then.

(footsteps plodding) - I asked him to call as soon as he knew something.

(car engine roaring) (car horn honking) (door buzzer buzzing) - Love the Ince and Mayhew.

- Oh, Good.

- What about the secretaire?

(Lovejoy clears throat) Go on.

- Well, some you win, some you .

- You don't think it could be g?

- It could.

- But you don't think so?

It is signed.

- In Biro?

- Please!

J.H.

Riesener.

It's even spelt right.

- Well, it's signed, but not by, I'd stake my name on that.

- Which is?

- Lovejoy.

We spoke earlier.

(playful music) - Hey!

- Is this what you're looking f?

- Aah, that's my boy.

He's got a thing about Suffolk .

- I bought it from a local man, barter exchange for something.

- May I ask who?

- I thought you were interested in the painting.

- Um, the painter, actually.

- What's in it for me?

I run an antique shop, not a dating agency.

- Well, I could help you move the Ince and Mayhew.

- No help needed, thank you.

- Oh, how are the William Derby?

- No thank you.

- Mm.

- What can you do for me with the secretaire?

- Oh, no, no, no.

Now, we both know that's known in the trade as an own goal.

It can happen to the best of us.

- You're a big help.

- Well, as Nelson said, "You've got to have an eye for it."

- Mr. Lovejoy, I don't think we're going to do business.

- All I want is an address.

- Well, I suggest you try Briti.

Or the post office.

- Hello!

You know, you should always chek the pockets of things that you .

- I always do.

- George III, 1787, spade guine.

Now, you don't get many of those for a quid.

- Thank you very much.

- I once found a child's amber pendant in a lady's reticule, it's now in Bury Museum.

How about that address?

(horse whinnies) - Oh, hello.

Can I help?

- (stammering) Um.

Art classes.

- Yes, that's right.

- I've come to enroll.

I'm not another Gauguin, I'm af.

- Very few around this year.

- Oh, a Mr. Wilkes, Ashley Wilkes, does he still teach?

- Yes, you're in luck.

He's only here on Sundays.

- Are you involved?

- No, not any longer.

Ah, it's in the barn, over ther.

(mysterious music) - Hello.

My name's Lovejoy.

- No, I've nothing to sell.

- I'm not buying.

- Nor do I want to buy.

- I'm not selling.

- Uh.

(bell chiming) - Now, you sold a painting recently, of your cottage, by an artist called Wilkes.

- What about it?

It was mine to.

- No, I'm interested in finding.

- Why?

- Well, a client of mine's offered him a commission.

- We did it a couple of summers.

My wife bought it.

- Oh, maybe it's her I should be talking to?

- Chance would be a fine thing.

- Uh, you never met him?

- No.

- Sorry, you never met him?

- I wouldn't have forgotten.

- And that's all you have to sa?

- That's all.

What's these called?

- Robert le Diable.

- Thought so.

(curious music) (Lovejoy sighs) (mysterious music) (people chattering) (man whispering) (door creaks) (knocking on door) - Hello?

- Hello.

It's gonna rain.

- Can you feel it in your bones?

- No, I heard it on the radio.

Lovejoy.

- Well, I hope you can make your pitch outside.

- Why's that?

- I'm told I have to be careful who I let in.

- I've never mugged a client ye.

- But I'm not a client yet.

- Were you this cautious with Ashley Wilkes?

- Do you know anything about iv?

- Enough to know I don't wanna .

- This one started to crack.

- Oh well, that's the central h. - Seriously?

- Got to keep ivory humid.

See, where it's been mended bef?

Love a cuppa tea.

- What?

- Tea.

- Earl Grey in a bag?

- Terrific.

- Lemon?

- Oh no.

Milk with three lumps,.

(clock chimes) (kitchenware clinks) (Lovejoy chuckles) (woman sighs) - Cute.

- Now, why hide it?

- It embarrasses me.

- How come?

- Do I have to?

- I can't force you.

- I was conned.

Makes me angry to admit it.

- How did he work it?

- Oh.

I came down, he was outside pai.

I suppose I was flattered.

Next thing I know, it's out with the check book and I bought it, literally, metaphorically, and every other which way.

- Good with the chat, eh?

- Honey-tongued.

He could sell snow to Eskimos.

- You seen him since?

- No!

And I don't want to.

- And you're still angry.

- Yes, I was old enough to know better, I've no excuses.

(soft music) - That's good.

Good.

Yes, that's excellent.

- He drives around in an old banger, you know, Wilkes.

Ex-GPO van.

(chuckles) Not a damn good wicket if you a.

- And you've never seen him sin?

- No.

- Now, other people in the vill, they bought pictures too, right?

- I believe so, yes.

- [Husband] Let's give you the other half, Mr. Lovejoy.

- Oh, I shouldn't really, I'm d. - I'll fetch it.

- I buy a barrel every summer from Gabby's farm.

Um, Mr. Lovejoy, uh, about this painting, you know, as straight as I can make it.

The 200 pounds, one of the best investments I've made in years.

No, no, no, no, not one of the best, the best.

It wouldn't be an exaggeration y it's, um, revitalized our marri.

(clears throat) (chuckles) Revitalized it.

Ah!

Do I need to say more?

- No, I've always believed thatt should have a therapeutic effec.

- Yeah.

(laughing) Yeah.

Very good.

(Wilkes vocalizing) - [Roz] You'll never finish the.

- One day.

- Oh yeah?

- No, you'll see, the Japanese s will be falling over themselves.

Ah, Wilkes-san, toast of Osaka, Yokohama, Kyoto, Shanghai.

- That's China.

- Ah, very big in China too.

- Give it a year.

- What?

- Drop everything for a year.

Finish them.

- End of the summer... Maybe.

- Words, so many words.

(Wilkes vocalizing) - Have you got anything on this?

- No, much the same as the laste and the one before that and- - Why not finish the watercolor of the church?

- I didn't realize you'd seen t. - [Wilkes] Mm.

- Well?

- Well what?

- The picture, what do you think?

- It's good.

- Good, good, or just good?

- No, it's good.

Stanley Spence.

- Really?

- [Wilkes] Really.

- Not just saying that?

- It's the one thing I don't li.

- Do you have to go?

- Well, I've just heard the weather forecast.

Sunny spells.

It's going to be a good week.

And what's all this about?

Tell me.

- Hm.

I suddenly remembered how it us.

- (chuckles) Two years is a long time in politics.

- Crazy.

I must've been out of .

- Why?

- Women always think they can c. Why don't we ever learn?

- There's been a lot of loving and leaving.

You were the one that I didn't .

- Hmm, 'cause I wouldn't let yo.

- I took you with me.

- Is that supposed to mean some?

- That's for you to decide.

Ciao for now.

- Have you got your corn plaste?

- Ah, unworthy of you.

- I may not be here when you ge.

- Who says I'm coming back?

- You're a bastard.

- Through and through.

- [Roz] And a shit.

- Never been any doubt.

- Get up!

Oh, I didn't mean to wake you u.

- Oh, can't make up my mind wher to cycle more or give it up ent.

(Lovejoy chuckles) - How'd you get on?

- I graduated with honors.

- That was quick.

- They don't hang about.

Landscapes, two to three, still, three to four, nudes- - Nudes?

- (chuckles) You should have se.

- Him?

Yech!

- Yech, was right.

- Now, what about Wilkes?

- I met him.

- You met him?

- Face to face.

- And what's he like?

- The women drool.

- Eh, so I hear.

- Why don't you call the fuhrer, tell him where he is?

- No, no, no, Tink.

Another day, another 200 dollars.

(chuckles) - How did you make out at the antique shop with Miss Jukes?

- I nearly didn't.

- Use it or lose it, Lovejoy.

- I had to produce one of those George IIIs, you know?

- That I happen to have made la.

- Very timely, Tink.

Very timel.

Oh, he's a con man, isn't he, T?

- Pound to a penny.

- I mean, I found a bloke who's lost his wife.

I found a wife who's lost or misplaced her husband.

Leaves a trail of storm damage in his wake, does our Ashley.

- Sounds like you.

- I was just going to say that,.

(drill sergeant yelling) - Give him a reminder.

- He said he'd call.

- Call him.

Tell him to get his finger out.

- You think it'll help?

- Just do it, Major.

(drill sergeant yelling) Time is of the essence, right?

(phone ringing) - [Answering Machine] This is Lovejoy Antiques.

(answering machine beeps) - Lovejoy, Major Chatfield at 1500, on the 18th.

No news, and in this case, that's not good.

I'd appreciate a sit rep as soon as possible.

Ring me at home or in the offic, not later than 2200.

Out.

(Lovejoy blows raspberry) (car engine roars) - That's good.

Very good.

- The canvas or- - Both.

- You must be Roz.

- I am, but I must warn you, Mr- - Just Lovejoy.

- I've had it from experts.

I am immune to charm and flattery and cajolery.

- I can see I'm on the right tr, I'm looking for Ashley Wilkes.

- Oh, yes.

Well, as far as this is concern, he taught me all I know.

- He's not the world's worst painter either.

- Well, he could be great one, if only he'd concentrate.

- Well, it sells well enough.

- You only hear about the succe.

- Ah.

- Scores of 'em, you see?

Norfolk cottages, Suffolk cotta, Essex cottages, hundreds of the bloody things.

(soft music) - He, uh, he did this?

- Hm, yeah.

- These?

- Mm-hmm.

(Lovejoy sighs) (gentle music) - Why doesn't he ever finish an?

- Because there's always another pretty face, pair of legs, tight little bott.

- This could get bitter.

- All too easily.

- Do you know where he is now?

- Yes, charming the pants off another unsuspecting sucker.

- Is that how you see yourself,?

- No, not really.

We had some great times, lots o.

My life was pretty dull, you kn, before I met him.

Khaki.

But now, never knowing where he is, who he's with.

Too exhausting.

- These are really good, you kn?

- Tell him, he'd love to hear.

- If I ever find him, I will.

- [Wilkes] So, what have I got ?

- [Man] Now, this is Pilgrim's .

That's Mrs. Robinson's.

- A likely lass?

What about that one?

- And that.

Oh, that's Arthur Ryland's place.

He's a superintendent in the po.

Lives alone with a couple of La.

- No, I don't think so.

What about that?

- That?

Oh, that's Plum Tree Cottage.

Annabel Scott.

You remember.

She used to do the weather on the local telly.

- Ah, yes.

Does she have an eye for art?

- Art, Tom, Dick, Harry.

- (chuckles) No Mr. Scott?

- No, he departed in one of the many squally showers.

So you'll want the room for the?

- Of course.

So, what about that one?

- This?

Ah, that's the Wilsons', he's something in the city.

You know, this art business, it's dead scientific, isn't it?

- Well, there's no percentage in wasting a lot of time and paint, and then discoveringe is inhabited by Philistines.

("Retreat") (car gears grinding) (curious music) - Hello.

- Morning.

- My name is- - Lovejoy.

- Yeah.

- We've not met.

You were pointed out to me.

- Across a crowded room?

- (chuckles) That sort of thing.

Come in.

(playful curious music) - Ashley Wilkes.

- Yes.

- You know him?

- We met.

- Two summers ago?

- Two.

- You came home, or you spotted, and there he was, busy, paintin.

- That's it exactly.

- 200?

- Less.

Don't think I could raise 200 a.

Why the interest?

- I want to find him urgently.

I don't suppose you know his ads or his telephone number?

(woman chuckling) Why are you laughing?

- Phone numbers and addresses ae for the vox pop, like mortgages and gas bills.

Ashley Wilkes was not like that.

Not like that at all.

(door clicks) - [Alec] Darling?

- In here!

- [Lovejoy] A long time since you called me darling, Alec.

- What are you doing here?

- We were chatting.

- Are you a friend of Harry's?

- No.

- Well, what were you chatting ?

What's that?

- Ashley Wilkes.

- The chappie you were asking m?

- Very one.

- Well, it's not awfully good.

With respect.

- At least you're consistent.

- What about the art school and farm and all that?

- He's only there at weekends.

- Oh.

Sorry about that.

- Well, any suggestions?

You've a lotta contacts.

- No, I'm too busy.

Don't tell me everyone's got on?

- Yeah, practically everyone.

He applies the double glazing principle to painting.

You know, our rep's in your are, masterpiece by teatime, etc, et.

- Was that how it happened?

- Sort of.

(gentle music) - Afternoon.

- Hello.

- Lovely day.

- Ah, it's a beauty.

So still you can hear the grass.

(woman chuckles) - What made you choose this cot?

- It's the prettiest I've seen.

- Really?

(chuckles) It's mine.

- Is it?

Do you object?

- Of course not.

- It grieves me I can't do it more justice.

- Oh, I don't know.

You're being too critical.

I think it's pretty good.

Damned good.

- An ill-favored thing, but min.

- Do you ever sell them?

- It's been known.

- Perhaps when it's finished, you'll show it to me.

- My pleasure.

- I'm just gonna make some tea, would you like a cup?

- I'd love one.

- Lovejoy!

- Took you longer than I expected, two minutes longer.

- It's most embarrassing.

- Well, I'm not embarrassed.

- I am.

Um, Deborah... Debbie, my friend.

- Oh, as in, just good.

- [Alec] Don't make this more a.

- I'm sorry.

- I'm sure I don't need to spell this out to you.

- You don't?

- You know what I'm talking abo.

- I haven't a clue.

- For God's sake, man, she's still married.

- Oh, Harry!

Lovely fella!

- You said you didn't know him.

- No, no, no, no, you misunderstood me completely, he's one of my best mates.

- Oh, God!

- [Lovejoy] But don't worry, I wouldn't fink on you.

- You wouldn't?

- No!

He's got this terrible te.

Have you seen that trick he does with the poker, you know?

Whoo.

(chuckles) - Poker?

- Yeah, but there'll be a price for my silence.

- [Alec] Ashley Wilkes?

- You're not too busy, are you?

- I'll find the bastard.

(knock on door) - Come.

(drill sergeant yelling) (feet stomping) - Time's winged chariot, Major.

- I'm doing the best I can.

- We said by the end of today.

- For God sake's, man, it's been two years!

- Important names are involved.

A household name.

- You told me.

- Twist Lovejoy's tail, or we'll cut it off.

- It's around here somewhere, T. (phone ringing) Don't!

- [Answering Machine] This is Lovejoy Antiques.

(answering machine beeps) - Hello, Lovejoy, it's Statham.

About your friend, Ashley, bloo.

- Sorry about that, I was just seeing off a client.

- Oh.

I've got a lead.

- [Lovejoy] Wonderful!

- An auctioneer in Ipswich, an , says there's a Wilkes living above a pub near Basildon.

- The same Wilkes?

- [Alec] I think so.

The pub's called The Dun Cow.

I don't know if he's there now.

- Right, leave it with me.

- Uh, Lovejoy, uh, you still th?

- [Lovejoy] Yeah?

- I've checked with Debbie.

She says you don't know Harry.

- Harry?

- Her husband, Harry.

And they don't even own a poker.

(curious music) - Ashley Wilkes?

- Yeah.

- Lovejoy Antiques.

- Well, I'm not as young as I used to be, but- - You do just fine.

- Oh, no sense complaining.

- May I?

- Yes, yes.

- You're a hard man to find.

- Looking in the wrong places.

- Well, Joanna didn't know where to find you.

Annie didn't.

Nor Deborah.

Not even Roz.

- (chuckles) Uh, my two weaknes, painting and, uh.

(chuckles) - Business and pleasure.

You know what they say.

- Oh, they're meant to be mixed.

Freud says so.

Work and love, it's what makes the world bubble.

- I've got a theory about you.

- Oh, yes?

- Mm.

These cottage paintings, these two-hour jobs, they're a blind to hide somethi.

- Like what?

- That you don't want to devotee to real pictures, like those abstracts in the barn.

- Hm, I haven't tried that styl.

- [Lovejoy] You scared of failu?

- Not of theory.

- If you concentrated on that s, instead of those pot boilers, w?

I'd be proud to represent you.

- Is that why you're looking fo?

- Partly.

Someone wants to find you.

A major in the army.

- Men's army?

- Men's army.

Says he promised you a commissi.

- In the army?

- [Lovejoy] To paint a mural in the officers' mess.

- (sighs) No, I wouldn't forget.

- Will you meet him?

I can call him, this will only take an hour.

- Well, why not?

Looks like rai.

- Yeah.

Rain stops play, hm?

What's the secret of your succe?

- Three little letters.

HRT.

- What?

- Hormone replacement therapy.

- I know what it means.

- Well, it's no exaggeration to say it's, uh, (chuckles) it's changed my life, revolutionized it.

- It's supposed to change women.

- Oh, it does, it does.

But, yeah, sauce for the goose and the gander.

- You care to explain that?

- Strictly between us, though.

- Ashley.

(Ashley chuckles) Well, thanks to hormone replace, there's a whole generation of b, mature, experienced, sophisticated, wealthy women, all reveling in their newfound .

And most of them are neglected.

Their husbands are off trying tl the pants off some featherbrain, while they have permanent ravers of their own at home, waiting, motors revving.

All that sexual energy with now.

- You're almost a social worker.

(truck engine roaring) - Ashley Wilkes, this is Major - - Forget it, I think we all know who we are.

I should have brought a horse whip or a pistol!

- Uh, Lovejoy said you wanted to commission me for a mural.

- Where is she?

- Who?

- You know who.

- Uh, major, on my honor- - You don't even know what that word means.

- I haven't a clue.

- Roz.

- Roz?

- Roz.

- [Chatfield] Yes.

- Roz.

Uh, I'm sorry, I, I, didn't rea.

- Yeah, the penny has dropped.

Are there so many?

(Wilkes chuckles) This bargain-basement lothario did a painting of our cottage.

Not only did he take me for £20, he also took my wife.

- Roz left because she was bore.

- Nonsense.

How could she be bo?

She was always on the move, always somewhere different.

- 14 moves in, what was it, 17 ?

Pickford's saw more of her furniture than she did.

- [Chatfield] I'm a soldier, soldiers move.

- [Wilkes] She wasn't a soldier.

- She knew what to expect, her father was a soldier.

Moving is an occupational hazar.

- Well, she's moved out, and that's a hazard.

What a nonlife.

Being snotty to juniors, crawling to seniors, even losing a ping-pong tournamt because you were playing the colonel and his wife.

Ah, no, no, no, no, not his wife, his lady.

Did you know that, Lovejoy?

Officers don't have wives, they have ladies.

NCOs have wives, other ranks ha.

- I want her back.

- Next time I see her, I'll tel.

We don't live together anymore.

- Give me a number, somewhere where I can talk to her.

- No.

I'll tell her to call you, if she wants.

- If I haven't spoken to her by, I shall come looking, fully arm.

That's not a threat, it's a statement of intent.

- You still owe me 200 quid.

- When you deliver Roz.

- I knew I'd never like the arm.

- Yeah, me too.

(Lovejoy sighs) So that's why you were looking ?

- Well, apparently.

She'll never go back to him, wi?

- Nah, I doubt it.

Like I doubt you'll get your 20.

- I wouldn't be too sure about .

Come on.

Drive you back.

(gentle bright music) - You all right, Tink?

- Hello, sweetie.

Do you ever go to the cinema, L?

- What?

- Do you ever go to the cinema?

- Yeah, about 7.9 times per annum, on average.

- You ever see "Gone With The W?

- Everybody's seen "Gone With T. - Well, at least part of it, an.

- But you fall asleep?

- And always.

And always in the same bloody p. Now, I'm in great shape up until the burning of Atlanta, and then the old minces start te when Scarlett returns to Tara, ?

"With God's help, I'll never be hungry again."

(snores) Could be you talking from then .

- What character does Leslie Hoy in "Gone With The Wind"?

- How the hell do I know?

- Leslie Howard plays Ashley Wilkes!

- Ashley Wilkes!

Even his name's a lie!

Oh, you shall go to the ball, T. (Tink vocalizes) (both vocalizing) - All together now.

(both vocalizing) (car gears grinding) (Lovejoy vocalizing) ("Tara's theme") - Mr. Lovejoy.

- Isn't he in?

- May we have a word?

- Inland Revenue?

- No.

You'd better come in.

- Thank you.

- Okay, CID, MI5, MI6, CIA, FBI?

Come on, come on, I'm running out of alphabet.

- Take your pick.

We'd like you to do something for us, Lovejoy.

- Would you?

- Yes.

- What's in it for me?

I don't work for God, queen or country, only for cash.

- Tell him what's in it for him.

- Continued good health.

- Oh, I knew it would be one of those smart-ass answers.

- A vasectomy, means never having to say sorry.

- I'm sorry.

- We want to talk to Roz Chatfi.

- [Lovejoy] What's stopping you?

- You know where she is, we don.

- Maybe she doesn't want to tal.

- [Man] You could persuade her.

- Why should I?

- You've got previous, my son.

I believe you have a record.

- I don't suppose it would do any good saying I was framed, w?

- No.

(hand slaps) They reckon prison pallor never leaves the skin.

You've done well.

Second time, it's not so easy.

(hand slaps) - I could grow to like you.

- You do what we say, fine.

If you don't, we'll have you in and out of Brixton like a bread van.

- Stop threatening me, I scare .

- Get her to the barracks first thing tomorrow, yes?

- [Soldier] By the right.

Right wheel.

By the right.

Right wheel.

(drill sergeant yelling) - [Soldier] By the right.

Right wheel.

(drill sergeant yelling) - Yes.

- Right wheel.

(drill sergeant yelling) (gentle music) - Will you take me home?

- Sure.

(drill sergeant yelling) - [Soldier] Right wheel.

- So, what was it all about?

- My father was a brigadier, and after he died, they discovered he'd removed some documents from the Ministry of Defence.

- Now, what sort of documents?

- I can't tell you that I'm afraid, official secrets.

- Okay.

- Oh, well... My father was a young officer i, during the emergency, you know, during the '50s?

- Mm-hmm.

- And, uh, there was this littl, Batang Kali, and the patrol from his regiment took some prisoners, workers on a rubber plantation, 25 Chinese men and women.

- So?

- Well, apparently, the next day they tried to escape.

They were all shot.

- All of 'em?

- All 25.

- Dead?

None wounded?

- Not one.

One other officer, who was out there with him, is now, well, let's just say, a prominent citizen.

- Ah, so they don't want those documents turning up where they shouldn't, like in the tabloids?

- That's right.

- So, where are they now?

- Um, Andrew, uh, Major Chatfield burnt them.

- Burnt them?

- Yes, when he found out about , he burnt everything of mine, clothes, make-up, he even burnt my rowing machine.

(Lovejoy chuckles) (Gears grinding) - You need a new gearbox.

- Someone just bought me one.

- Who?

- You.

- Most kind.

Thank you.

- Close, isn't it?

- Yes.

Very still.

- Mm.

High temperature and humidity.

There's a ridge of high pressure over the North Sea.

(gentle music) - May I?

- Yes, help yourself.

- Oh, but that's good.

That's really good.

- A poor thing, but mine own.

(gears grinding) Tink!

You, uh?

- No, no, no.

If she likes it, I get free booze for the whole summer.

(all laughing) An ill-favored thing, sir, but .

(bright music) (logo chimes)