- [Narrator] This is a production of PBS Charlotte.

- The great Maya Angelo once said, "There's no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."

Today, we're talking about team mental health and sharing stories of courage and hope.

Whether you're a teenager, a parent or a teacher, this is a show you won't want to miss.

We're talking about anxiety, depression, and suicide, the warning signs and symptoms, what you can do to get help as well.

Join us for this very important conversation.

(upbeat music) Thank you for joining us and welcome to "Out Of The Dark Teens Talk Mental Health."

I'm your host, Naomi Bazemore.

According to the National Alliance of Mental Health, 17% of teenagers experience a mental health disorder.

People just like you and me who go to school, work, love and laugh every day.

I know what it's like to live with a mental illness.

And here's a look at my story.

I'm Naomi Bazemore.

I live with bipolar depression, and this is my story.

My bipolar depression showed up for me, I wanna say around like eight or nine, I was just very out of control of my behavior.

It would range from many things from being sad, to being mad, being overly excited.

I just thought I was being a kid.

Truthfully, just thought I was going through emotions.

But as I got older, around like 14, 15, I started to realize something was definitely off with these feelings that I had.

I turned 18 and I decided you're grown now.

You're going into life.

And I did it and I got diagnosed and I've been learning to live with it and be myself still with it.

My bipolar depression shows up really in whatever state that I'm in.

Like when I'm manic, I'm usually very high up.

I'm very running around, can't stay still.

I also have moments where I can get into a hypomania state and I'm very depressed, very quiet.

I don't talk as much, I don't wanna eat.

I don't care to be around people and this varies.

Like one day I could be feeling great.

One week I could be feeling great.

And the next day I feel bad for a week straight.

It's just, whatever comes.

Truthfully since being diagnosed, I feel like I know who I am now.

I feel like for years before that, I was very timid to show myself to certain people or do certain things because I didn't understand me.

I knew I had moments where I was a little off.

All my life I kind of lived like scared, I guess, to really be myself or show myself.

But after I got diagnosed, I kind of like just went for it.

And ever since then, like people have been coming to me saying that I've helped them opened their eyes to want to get help.

Don't be scared to get help.

I feel like if I would've got help years ago, I wouldn't have gotten as bad as it did have to get before I got diagnosed.

But if you feel something's off, no matter what age you are, like speak up.

Don't feel ashamed ever of who you are because I know who I am now.

And I understand who I am.

Now, I want to take a moment to introduce our guests.

18 year old, Jalil quick, graduated from Philip O. Berry high school this year and plans to go to college in the fall.

Jalil says he's occasionally suffered from anxiety, especially in crowds, you heard my story.

Jalil, how does anxiety show up for you?

- Well, anxiety shows up for me in different ways.

Like I began to sweat a lot and a lot of things began to race through my mind in a way I kind of look around and I feel outta place in a way, like when I go to parties and like big crowds, I look around for exits because my mind is I'm already out of the party.

Like I'm already out of the loop.

So in a way it's just like, I separate myself from the environment already.

And I feel like that has negative and positive things to it.

So I just lose attention.

- Thank you, Jalil.

Also joining us is Emma Rose.

Ms said she was bullied as a child and developing eating disorder.

She has since gotten help.

How are you dealing with it now, Emma?

- I am doing very well.

I see a therapist, a nutritionist, and a psychiatrist regularly to help me manage any lingering thoughts that may encourage me to engage in eating the sort of behavior such as restricting.

And I also have my family for support and they've grown a lot in how to best support me and they've been very, very great and helpful.

- We also want to bring in Rachel Hartman.

Rachel is a licensed professional counselor at Mindful Movements who works directly with teenagers.

Rachel, how do you find mental illness and mental health?

- So mental illness is when you have a diagnosable condition that's impacting your day to day living.

Mental health is more along the lines of the state of your psychological and emotional wellbeing.

So basically just how you're feeling on a day to day basis.

- Thank you so much, Rachel.

Data shows mental health conditions are far more common than you might think.

One in six youth aged six to 17, experience a mental health disorder each year, 50% of mental illnesses conditions begin by the age of 14.

The most common mental disorders in youth are anxiety, depression, ADHD, and behavioral disorders.

We're going to learn more about these disorders today.

Let's start with Emma.

When did you start realizing that you had a eating disorder?

- I started to engage in eating disorder behaviors when I was in middle school.

And it gradually got to a point where I couldn't walk by myself, I was staying in bed all day.

I would barely eat anything.

The goal for me was just to eat as little as possible.

And I was isolating myself from everyone, including my family.

- Did you ever express to your family, like when you first felt the stages of you going into that kind of cycle in your life, did you speak up?

- I did not.

Because one of the symptoms of eating disorders are secrecy, keeping it a secret to yourself because you know that if you do speak up, then people are gonna try and help you.

And part of having an eating disorder is not wanting help because we wanna further the process.

I say, we as people have eating disorders, the goal is just to keep it to ourselves so that we can continue the behaviors.

'Cause the goal is to look a certain way and if we get help, then we can't further that.

- Thank you so much for sharing.

Now, Jalil, with you.

Do you feel like the way you have your anxiety is stuff that it comes from you feeling like you're obligated or you feel like you have these big expectations of yourself as a Black man?

- Well, being that I play football high school, anybody that knows sports, sports or how you react and how you perform.

So with me, most of my anxiety came from being that I don't play sports no more.

Most of my anxiety kind of went away, but I still fight it a little bit.

But being you, I feel like society is a potter and the people in the society are the clay.

The society is shaping people to act a certain way and you gotta kind of perform in a way where people expect you to perform.

If you don't perform in that way, then you're going to look, you're gonna be looked at like a outcast or you're just or people are not gonna make you feel like you're good enough.

So I feel like in a way I always tried to fight and be good enough to fit where I wanted to, to fit the category and be good, honestly.

- I really appreciate you for speaking out and giving us a truthful answer about how you feel.

Now Rachel, do you feel social media plays a really big role in our generation when it comes to mental health?

- Unfortunately I do.

I feel that social media has us looking at everyone's highlight real and everyone's photoshopped and filtered and we're not looking at reality.

And so then we're comparing ourselves to that and comparison is the thief of joy.

And so that's a big problem.

I also feel that there's a lot going down in the DMs with bullying and things like that.

It's a really private way for people to hide behind their phone and say really ugly things.

So I always encourage people to be careful with who you follow, what you're looking at every day and minimize that time, but also to look for accounts that you follow, that inspire you, motivate you and make you feel good instead of you showing up and comparing yourselves to things that are just not real.

- Do you feel that there are warning signs and things that we could look at with our peers and family members that do suffer from anxiety and depression and things like that?

- I do, there are usually warning signs.

One of the most important things is to check on your people, know them and ask them.

I always try to show up and ask my friends and family.

How are you feeling?

I don't often take okay or good as an answer.

I wanna know, how are you really feeling today?

Also, if you're noticing that your friends are feeling kind of hopeless maybe, or feeling worthless, losing interest in things they like to do, but also we have to keep an eye on the other folks.

I think we learned a lot from Robin Williams, the funny guy, right?

He was here to make us laugh, but obviously he had a lot going on inside too.

So just, I always encourage everybody to just check on each other, be present with each other, put the phones down, have an honest conversation in that moment and listen to what that person's saying.

And if there's some signs and symptoms, you'll hear them.

- Thank you so much, Rachel.

- You're welcome.

- Thank you all for sharing your stories.

Earlier you heard me talk about my struggle with bipolar depression.

A lot of teenagers have a hard time talking to their parents.

Here's what happened when I told my family.

(upbeat music) Truthfully the conversation of me coming to my parents about what was told to me, it was kind of hard.

I was hurt, I was crying.

I was confused mostly.

And I think it shocked my whole family not only myself, everybody was just feeling what they felt, truthfully.

I was very scared to tell my mom, the first thing I thought of was how is my mother gonna feel?

I didn't want my mom to feel like she didn't know what she was doing as a mom.

Like, I don't know.

I just went through a range of emotions of, I don't want to hurt my mother.

I just told her.

I was like, well at the end, that's your mom, this is your life, like she has to know.

And I just build up the courage and I told my parents, they were there for me, they were definitely very confused.

It was something new, but they were there most of all.

Before we introduce our next guest, I want to welcome my mom, Michelle Bazemore.

Mom, when you first saw the video, you cried, like what made you cry when you seen it?

- It was more tears of joy that I was happy that you was on the road of getting the help that you needed for your situation.

So, and I was also very proud that you took these steps and you took 'em on your own, so yeah.

- Do you feel like it helped us come together closer as a family were all understanding each other?

- Yes, definitely, yes.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Our next guest is also a parent.

Jennifer Ishee lost her 15 year old son, Coble to suicide just seven months ago.

She's bravely sharing her story today.

And 17 year old Faviany says she struggles with the depression, but doesn't know how to talk to her parents.

Also joining us is Dr. Tiffany Eden, a mental health researcher here to share more on what to do if you or someone you know is suicidal.

First let's start with Jennifer.

Suicidal is on the rise.

It's the fourth leading cause of death in older teens.

What do you want to tell people to learn from your son's situation?

- First of all, unfortunately, suicide can happen to anyone.

It happens to athletes.

It happens to kids with lots of friends.

It happens to kids with intact families who in Coble's situations seemed joyful and very involved nine months prior to his death.

So I'd really like to express to folks to be just conscious of what's happening with your child's behavior.

And as we heard earlier in the segment, really listen to them and ask a lot of questions.

- What was Coble like before, like growing up, like how was his childhood and things like that?

- Cowell never met a stranger.

He had a lot of friends, a ton of interest.

He truly would try any sport.

Surfing, running was a huge passion for him.

Skateboarding, mountain bike riding.

He was very involved in community and church, just a fun kid, loved music.

- And how are you feeling like truthfully?

How are you feeling like coping and dealing with what you're dealing with and helping others?

Like how are you feeling day to day?

- We're sad.

This happened so recently and Coble was our only child.

Coble and I were very close and I feel that I let let him down.

We knew that he was depressed and we had tried a lot of different resources to support him.

But the reason that I am empowered to speak today is because I hope that I can help someone else, another family, another child from experiencing this, by sharing this story.

And again, that it can happen to anyone and express, I think to teens and to parents in Coble's situation, he shared as many months, as eight months prior to his death, that he had a suicide attempt with a friend.

I don't know if that individual shared with their parents, but I really wanna tell our viewers that if someone, a child or an adult expresses that kind of suicidal ideation to take it seriously, it's not your job to evaluate the seriousness of those statements, but you really need to let another trusted adult know if you're a child and make sure somebody's sharing that with the parent or guardian.

And then those individuals can decide how they can pursue help.

- Thank you so much for sharing.

That's very brave of you and we really appreciate it.

Faviany, you say you deal with depression and it's hard for you to talk to your parents.

What do you feel like makes it so hard for your parents to get to listen to you, to express how you feel to them?

- Well, it's really hard like to talk to my parents and they don't really believe in depression and it's hard to open up to them and be able to tell them how I feel.

And it's like just hard to be able to express my feeling to them.

And then I get like anxiety to be at home, like all day.

And it is like really hard for me to just open up with them how I'm feeling.

- And with that being said, how do you cope on your own?

Like do you do like write and draw?

What do you do to help you cope at home?

- Well, sometimes I like bake or draw like that get me into peace and that like how I deal with my depression, like baking and stuff like that.

- Thank you so much for sharing Faviany.

And Dr. Eden, you're a researcher in mental health.

What do you feel like can be done to help the rise 'cause suicide is on the rise.

it's something that's growing every day in teens.

What do you feel like we can do to help slow that down?

Or at least get a better, like people to look at this more like this is a really big issue going on here.

- So the first thing as adults is to listen, listen, first to the teenagers and the youth that are in your lives and listen open and honestly, when they come to you with their problems, even if you don't think it's that serious, they're coming to you and they're saying, hey, something's wrong.

And it's really important that we listen to that.

I think that's the first step.

- Do you feel like there's resources out there for teenagers to go to when they don't have parents that understand, like what do you feel like are good resources for kids that are in that predicament?

- Well, we're in the age of technology, we have the internet at our fingertips.

There are lots of different resources that you can find just by Googling mental health resources near me.

And things like that.

There are crisis helplines that you can contact via text if you're not comfortable talking on the phone.

So there are lots of different resources that are available and just reach out, let someone know.

- And ma with you, you have a child, that deals with a mental illness.

Do you feel like you've learned to understand or look at mental health in a different way.

I know you got help for yourself.

You've been through therapy before, but now that we know we have your family member that deals with something mentally, like how did you feel like your perspective changed on mental health when you realized you have someone that deals with a mental illness?

- It changed a lot because it's a lot more than what people think it is.

It's not, you just, oh, it's a lot.

You know, when I looked at you before I looked at you and I said, oh, maybe she's just this.

Or maybe she's just down.

I have an understanding on what was going on with you, why you would be sitting at the dinner table, laughing and joking, and then just outburst and cry.

Now I see why you were sitting in your room, watching TV or what I thought was enjoying binge watching TV but you were depressed.

So it helped me open my eyes to see that it, that like they said, you have to pay attention.

You have to look close and just pay attention, listen to your, listen, just listen.

So it, yeah.

- And Faviany, when you graduate soon and things like that.

Do you feel like you're in a place where you can like try to talk to your parents again or just to get them to a better understanding with you getting older and about to enter the world?

Do you feel like you wanna get to a place with them to understand, like mental health is real.

I have depression and this is something that we need to address.

- Yeah, well now I'm starting to open up more to my parents and trying to like talk to them on how I feel.

So now, I'm in a better place, where I can really, really be able to talk to them and explain my feelings to them.

So yeah, I feel like I'm in a better place now where I can, like when I was before, I'm in even better place now where I can tell my parents how I feel and stuff like that.

- That's really good, I'm happy to hear that for you.

And Dr. Eden with things going on, like mental health is very big now.

Like people are starting to really pay attention to it.

What made you wanna go into researching deeper into mental health and suicide and things like that?

- My own experiences with mental health.

So I've dealt with my own mental health challenges throughout my life.

And I saw how those experiences impacted me when I was younger and not just when I was younger, but even into being an adult today.

And it really pushed me to want to help other people like me.

- That's really good.

And that's how truthfully, even with myself, I feel like even with mental illnesses and things like that, I feel like we should never be ashamed of who we are and to always be ourself and push, to be the best person we can be, regardless of what we go through.

Everybody goes through things, everybody has their issues, but that shouldn't stop you or make you feel ashamed to be yourself.

Mental health is something that's really on the rise now.

Like people are starting to pay attention to it.

And that's a really good thing.

And I feel like as a unit, as a world, we need to all come together even more than what we have been to keep this going to keep this strong mental health is a thing it's real.

We need to pay attention to it.

Like, I feel like this is a great movement.

That's starting in a good, I wish it's always been a movement, but this is a time right now where everybody's starting to understand and really look into it.

And I think that's a blessing.

Ma honestly, even with me having my issues, how do you look at like my siblings or your other children, how did it make you feel like?

- It just makes me pay more attention.

It makes me pay more attention too 'cause I'm learning from you which is excellent.

So I can look at them now and I can see that they're not.

And I don't look at them and say everything they do, something's wrong because you was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I don't do that, but I do pay attention to them.

I do look and say if one is off crying, she could just be crying because she's not a bad mood.

I mean, a good mood at that point.

Or there could be a lot going on with her.

So I just pay attention and I listen.

I really just, yeah.

- And with you, Jennifer, what do you feel like you do to help other people understand this is something that can happen to anyone.

So do you feel like when you talk to other people that you give them that, like not to be, but this is life this can happen to anybody.

This is real.

Do you feel like you speak out more on how to help?

- Yes, I definitely started speaking out more.

My husband and I actually assembled a group of pediatricians and some psychologists and some several nonprofits.

And we are trying to brainstorm different ways that we can fill what we think is a gap in our community for adolescents specifically around mental health, whether it's just access to care, whether it's knowledge about what resources are available.

And then there are people who simply can't afford resources.

So it's an endeavor we've just started, but I feel really optimistic about it.

And I think part of what we want to make clear is that mental health is just as important as physical health.

And if you had a problem with your kidney, or if you had a problem with your heart, you wouldn't just assume that you could figure that out on your own, in your house with your parents and real mental illness, this is something going on with your brain, which is another organ.

So, get help.

And I do hope that we can find ways to help people who don't have access to care today.

- And I lost a close friend to suicide and it changed my perspective on life, and he was my friend.

It made me look at life like, wow, like it can really happen.

So I just wanna know how did it, how did it change for you?

You lost your son.

This is something that, this is your only child at that too.

So it's like, how do you feel like it changed your perspective on life?

- We decided that we needed to find a reason to live again, Coble as a mom, Michelle you know, it's what you live for.

It was what I always wanted to be, and I don't have that particular reason to live.

And so I am taking my energies into trying again, to see if there are some positive differences that we can make in this community.

And who knows, maybe changes in Washington around mental health care and coverage, which I think there are a lot of opportunities to strengthen and improve.

- Thank you so much.

And to end it off with you, Dr. Eden, I really want to know, like for out there, like for kids that do feel alone, what do you recommend that they do besides, going to, you should always go get help, but what are there some things that you feel like kids can do that don't have the obligation right now to go get help do things there's things that they can do to cope within themselves before they can get that help?

- You can always take care of yourself in different ways, whether that's moving your body, making sure you're getting enough sunlight, making sure you're getting fresh air, things like that.

But you can also do your best to talk to someone, whether that's a friend that you trust, whether that's an adult, maybe it's not a parent.

Maybe it's a teacher at school, things like that.

Let someone know that something is going on.

- When you look at from your end of researching it, what do you feel like is the most thing that draws children to the depression and anxiety?

Like what do you not like?

It's not, of course it's not one thing to pinpoint, but what do you feel like is a big emblem?

Like this is what can cause a big thing for kids in this day and age to be sad and have anxiety, things like that.

- I think we have to realize that youth in today's society are under immense pressure.

You're under pressure from your parents.

You're under pressure at school.

You're under pressure trying to figure out what you're gonna do with the rest of your lives.

And that's a lot for someone who is 15 or 16 years old to deal with.

And I think once you combine that with factors like access to social media, and you're seeing you have, you're seeing so many different things online every day, it's sort of overloading and inundated you as a person.

And I think all those factors come together and create an environment where things like suppression and anxiety can be unfortunately common.

- I want to thank all of our guests for joining us today.

That's all the time we have tonight.

Thank you for tuning into, "Out Of The Dark Teens Talk Mental Health on PBS Charlotte."

We hope you are never alone.

If you or someone you know, is struggling with mental health, please tell a trusted friend, parent, or counselor, or call the suicide hotline at the number on your screen.

We've also put a link to resources on our website, pbscharlotte.org.

Thanks again, and have a good night.

(upbeat music) - [Narrator] A production of PBS Charlotte.