(birds chirping) (energetic music) - [Paul] After being locked up for as long as I was, I have some social anxiety issues.

I work out down here 'cause it's kind of like my little sanctum, you know what I mean?

So then that way I don't have to worry about people looking at me, or sometimes worrying about the stigma that, "Oh, maybe that person knows my charge," or, "That person knows that I'm a sex offender."

♪ I've got the power ♪ - [Paul] People can look you up on the registry, and, a lot of times, when you move into a neighborhood, they let people in the neighborhood know.

So I'm pretty sure that there's some people here that know.

Guys that are sex offenders on the registry, it's like "The Scarlet Letter".

Nobody wants to wear a scarlet letter, but if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna have to do it.

(gentle music) Being half Puerto Rican, half Polish, growing up in Humboldt Park, we had all kinds of nationalities growing up around us.

Even though I'm Hispanic, I look more white than anything.

So I would get picked on by the minority kids.

When we moved to Jefferson Park, I was like cool for a little while.

I was white like everybody else.

And they were like, "Oh, okay."

But then when they found out I'm Hispanic, they're like, "Oh, pork chop, spic, wetback."

I'm like, "Oh, man."

And then I got beat up all over again.

I wasn't an odd kid, I don't think.

I mean, I felt like I was a normal kid like everybody else.

I just didn't fit in.

No, no, she wasn't.

I noticed our neighbor down the street has a lot of sunflowers out in their... On that - Yeah.

- that thing.

- In the front.

- Why don't we have sunflowers?

- No.

- What's wrong with sunflowers?

- I don't want all the squirrels and stuff.

- Growing up with my mom back then, it was always fun.

Mom was always kind of like the life of the party, and, you know, just liked to have a good time.

When I got to about 13, 14, Mom and Dad had kind of split a little, and then eventually a divorce came.

I was molested when I was a kid, so I didn't know how to, you know, tell anybody or, or act about it.

I just felt lost.

I always felt lost.

I just wanted somebody to love me at that time.

And I didn't know how to, you know I didn't know how to deal with it.

The first time that I had actually tried to commit suicide I was probably about 13 or 14.

And really it was more like a cry for help.

I know that hurt people, hurt people.

Maybe I was holding on to to hurt from the past that I didn't acknowledge or that I didn't deal with.

And because I didn't deal with it, sure, it could be a catalyst.

I didn't use drugs until I was like 32.

It would either be like ecstasy or marijuana or cocaine.

I lived in Vegas for about four years and I was a manager at a club.

I was in a pretty bad lifestyle and the place where I met my third wife wasn't an ideal place to meet someone, even though I knew that she had some issues and stuff like that.

I tried to fix it and I just made it worse.

We were swingers, we were prostituting ourselves.

We were into a lot of deviant stuff.

I had basically made the choice for us to wind up sleeping with a 14 year old boy.

I served a total of 15 and a half years in prison.

For my wife, it was 10 years to the day.

With the charges that we had, there's always a good chance of getting beat up or stabbed.

I did get stabbed while I was sleeping at the first camp I was at.

I know that I was wrong for the things that I did and the things that I decided.

For the longest time, I regretted it horribly because I knew it was a terrible thing.

When I look back at it, it didn't just affect me, it affected a lot of people.

I never would've thought something would have such a ripple effect in that it would be something that would be so, I guess permanent.

Holy cow.

There he is.

- So it's on Sunday, not Monday.

- Yeah.

There's a lot of difficulties to being released from prison and then having to reintegrate back into society.

Like having a place to live, because all the guidelines, all the restrictions, you know, you can only be within X amount of feet of a church or of a school or of a park or a playground.

Even like when I first got out, like with family, like certain family members didn't want me hanging around their kids.

People want to get to know you only until they know something about you that doesn't agree with them.

Because of that, a lot of people are very quick to not forgive and to not move forward.

I want people to see me for who I am today, not the piece of garbage that I was back in the day.

I always wanted to be famous, but never for that.

You know what I mean?

I mean, that's the last thing you want to be famous for.

(light music) As far as the registry goes, it's a lifetime.

It basically gives everybody your information about your name, birthdate, where you live, pretty much everything with the exception of, I think, where you work.

I've always thought it was unfair.

If a person has done a crime and they finish their sentence and they're rehabilitating or they they have rehabilitated themselves, why should a person have to continue to be on something where everybody knows their past?

Why are you gonna deny a person basic civil rights just for making poor choices in the past and then have to have that affect you for the entire rest of your life?

I was absolutely concerned with what people thought about me when I got out.

Once they know what my charges are and they they see the face and they get familiar, they'll be, "Oh yeah, that's that guy."

I was trying to look for a place to go where I can talk about my problems or talk about my issues and get help.

And I got connected to the HINDA Institute.

They've given me a counselor to talk to.

- Hi, Paul.

- Hey, good evening guys.

My name is Paul.

I'm on the registry.

Today, I had to talk about some stuff in my past that still kind of bothered me, I guess, and I didn't really realize it.

I had to go back and (sighs) I had to look at when I was molested as a child, did I feel like that was a part of the reason why I did what I did?

I mean, those are still some things that probably contributed in one way, shape or another to my lust issue, you know?

Anyway, it's still tough to talk about certain things and you know, again, I'm super grateful to the group because when I listen, like I said, when I listen to other people, that helps me out.

And there's never a time when I'm not praying for you guys or praying for anybody else and, you know, just wanting to see everybody get better and get out of the situations that we're in.

Even though we're in different places, we're all going through the same thing and we experience the same emotions, the same feelings, the same despair.

How hard it is for me.

I think one of the things that I really like the most about it is that we're all guys that have made poor choices but we just want to, we just want to do the right thing and move forward.

I just want to be a righteous man, you know what I mean?

Or as righteous as possible.

And I want to help people and I wanna make a difference and I want to, I don't wanna leave this world without, without helping someone.

We need to love each other, you know?

And this is where I find love every Tuesday and I'm really grateful for it.

(laughs) (birds chirping) What gives me hope is God.

That's the one thing that gives me hope more above anything.

I guess there's just something about being in a cemetery where you think about the finality of death and the peace that comes with it.

My grandmother and my grandfather are buried there.

I mean, I obviously go there to see them too.

It's a memorial place, so I go and I give them time.

So Grandma, I just wanted to tell you that I miss you and I love you.

And Mom says hi, and I guess we'll see you again a little later.

Well, we'll actually see you soon, but you know what I mean.

All right, love you, Grandma.

And now I'm going to go see Jaja.

I feel kind of closer to God and kind of just let things go, center myself, and get myself where I need to be spiritually more than anything.

Here's for you, Jaja, this one.

(chuckles) This one is for you.

Oh, here we go, Jaja, you remember this one?

(polka music) So you really know Jaja that it really hurt me a lot when I lost you and it still does.

And I know that even though I will see you in the return one day, I just, I hate waiting.

It's always been that way.

Anyway, Jaja, I love you.

And Grandma says hi.

(laughs) She probably doesn't really say hi.

No, I'm just kidding.

She says hi and Mom says hi and she loves you and I will be back again.

So until then, I love you and keep doing what you're doing, watching over us.

We love you.

Dealing with loneliness, it's difficult because I'd already been alone for the last 15 and a half years.

When I got out, the loneliness was really hard because I felt like I was locked up in the house all the time.

I felt like I couldn't go out.

I felt like I couldn't do anything.

I felt like I was back in prison almost.

Until... (Paul chuckles) What did you like about the service today?

- Well, I love it when he talk about, he talk about the David.

- I met Janine, this wonderful young lady who actually happened to be here for my sister-in-law's birthday party.

She's from Brazil.

In a lot of my other relationships before I wasn't thinking about my wives.

I was always manipulating and doing things for my purpose.

When I told her about my past and stuff, she seemed like she was a little bit surprised and a little bit shocked.

But overall, just the love that she showed me and the mercy, you know what I mean?

And the grace that she had, it meant a lot to me.

(light music) - This is cute.

Do you like her?

- I like the blue.

Yeah, no, that one's actually pretty good.

Because we spend a significant amount of time with each other, she gets to see who I am today and what I do today.

That is probably out of everything that's happened to me so far, besides getting out of prison, was being blessed to have this remarkable woman in my life.

Fire.

(laughs) - I want little.

- Lettuce and cheese?

- Mm-hmm.

- I know you love cheese.

- It's good.

- That's good now?

- Yeah, thank you.

- All right.

I was talking to Tim and Carrie and they want to come down.

When you meet them, they're gonna love you.

Yeah, they're gonna love you.

- They seem really nice.

- Oh yeah.

They said they're gonna fly down.

We're really a good fit.

And I couldn't have asked wished or prayed for a better woman.

Really nice.

- Love you more.

- For my mother's birthday, we went to my aunt's house.

It was her mom and my mom and then the rest of the family.

I basically told her mom that my intentions were to marry her daughter and to court her.

She said, "All you have to do is one thing, "just make her happy."

And I was like, "I will do that."

Two days later when we went to her cousin's barbecue, that's when I actually proposed to her.

Did I ever show you the old house that I lived at?

- You did.

- I drove you by there?

Okay, so do you remember the restaurant that I told you, best gyros, best everything there?

We've been dating for approximately two months.

People may say that Jeanine is not thinking clearly.

Jeanine is still an adult and she makes her own decisions.

- We were about to talk about the date for our wedding because Friday.

- The 25th?

I just know that she is the person that I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life and she can accept me for everything that I am.

That's how I know that it's really love because she accepts me for me.

I'm not looking for a grand wedding.

I'm not looking for, you know, Cinderella's ball or anything like that.

I just want to marry you.

- Yeah, of course.

But if we can do something nice.

- [Paul] Oh, you wanna spoil?

You want me to spoil you some more?

- Of course.

(Paul laughs) - I don't deserve anybody as good as her, to be honest with you.

Not the old Paul, but the new Paul?

Yes, absolutely.

(birds chirping) - Heavenly father, thank you so much for this time that Paul and I have together to talk about what's going on in his life and my life, and just to get closer to you.

- At Walker State Prison, they had a mentorship program.

Now, I had never had a mentor before.

I took a chance and I signed up for the mentorship program.

About a year after I had signed up, I met Tim, and they were like, "Oh, you got a new mentor."

I don't wanna say I've not been on the path but my faith has been tested and I feel like I've been failing really badly.

And... (Paul inhales deeply) I know that Jesus forgives us, but when I make these, when I do these things, it's like I just hold, I know I hold myself to a much higher standard, you know, 'cause we're supposed to.

And when I fail and I feel misery like I have these last couple of times, it hurts me so bad.

(sobs) I had like two little blowups and they were horrible.

Jeanine and my mother and myself, we were basically going over wedding plans.

I got frustrated and when I got frustrated I wanted to just end the conversation.

Mom kept picking at me with it and I got, I blew up, I hollered.

I stormed out of the house, slammed the door behind me.

Brought basically a lot of bad energy.

- I'll tell you Paul, you know, in my experience I've had to develop what I call coping tools and, you know, getting angry.

You know, that's something that people do.

And so my coping tool is, you know, I do go silent.

I just won't say anything because I know what I say is not gonna be very nice and take deep breaths.

And I try not to speak out of anger, you know, because we all suffer stress and we all have to figure a way to deal with it without hurting those around us.

- Tim has been a blessing from the very beginning.

He's been there for me.

We're supposed to lift one another up.

We're supposed to share with one another.

You know, we're supposed to confess our faults one to another.

That's how we get over things.

I gotta share this with you.

So the other day, Janine went to see the doctor and I'm like, "Are you okay?"

She's like, "Yeah, I'm fine."

I'm like, "Well, then what'd you go and see the doctor for?"

And she said, "So I could get prenatal vitamins."

I was like, "Wait a second."

(laughs) Pump the breaks, you know?

I was like, wait a second.

You know, if we have a child, that's great, but I mean, getting prenatal vitamins already, really?

But I mean, come on, man.

(laughs) - She's optimistic.

- She's very optimistic.

Prayer is very important.

Sometimes I don't feel like Janine and I do that enough but anytime Tim and I talk, it's always prayer beforehand, prayer afterwards, just shoring each other up basically, strengthening one another.

You wanna pray out real quick?

- Father, I pray that you will be with Paul and Janine and all of Paul's family as they are putting this wedding together and working through all the details.

So we lift this up to you in the matchless name of Jesus Christ.

- [Both] Amen.

- Amen.

(sighs) Well, that's much better.

(laughs) I actually feel a lot lighter now that, that actually, yeah.

Thank you, Tim, as always.

(light music) I needed to talk again about Jeanine and about the apartment.

You're okay with all that, right?

- Yeah, I told you already that you you can move in downstairs.

Okay, so I don't want you to have to be trying to look for a place and anyhow, it's perfect for you guys.

- [Paul] Oh yeah.

- And I just paid the gas and the light bill, okay?

For downstairs.

- I haven't had my own place in a long time.

Mom had even told me at one point before I got out that she had specifically looked for a place where I could live so I wouldn't have to worry about all the guidelines and restrictions.

- What does Janine say?

- [Paul] I know she wanted to have a bigger place.

- Have her start looking for an apartment and see how hard it's gonna be for you to find a place.

- [Paul] Oh no, I, we- - No, I mean, with your charges.

- I told her, I said, listen, they may accept you but they may not accept me.

- Right.

- You know what I mean?

I'm just grateful for how supportive she's been helping, not just me out, but now also helping Janine out by letting us rent this.

(Paul chuckles) - Hey baby?

- Hi honey.

- How's it going?

- Great, how are you doing?

- How's your drive?

- Great.

- Yeah?

- How was your day?

- It's better.

So here, come here.

I'll close the door because I have a surprise for you.

- Oh wow!

- Welcome to our casa, baby.

How do you like it?

- I love it.

- For me and Jeanine to be able to have this, it's really nice.

This is the bedroom.

And again, there's, there's a lot of stuff in here.

So if you just want to pop your head in real quick and take a look and see how big it is.

Although I know Janine wants something bigger this is exactly what we need for right now.

You know, start small and work our way up.

It'll be plenty for your clothes.

My clothes, I'm not too worried about, so.

(light music) Even though I've been married before, it's her day, you know?

And I just want her to be extremely happy.

(Paul chuckles) I remember that.

How's this, my friend?

Oh, you gonna take a picture?

Oh.

I'm looking forward to seeing everybody but outta everybody that I'm gonna see today, I'm really looking forward to seeing Janine.

- I'm counting now each minute to see him there waiting for me and, and start our life.

- One of many new beginnings, because there's a lot of blessings about to come down the street.

(violin music) (crowd applauding) - [Officiant] Welcome everyone.

(translator speaks in foreign language) - [Officiant] I would like to thank everybody over here.

Thank you everyone to be here to this special day in their lives.

So now Janine and and Paul they will exchange rings with this ring.

(translator speaks in foreign language) - [Officiant] With this ring.

- [Janine] With this ring.

- [Officiant] I thee wed. - [Janine] I do wed. - And pledge to you.

- And pledge to you.

- My loyalty.

- My loyalty.

- My loyalty.

- My loyalty - And my love.

- And my love.

- In the name of Father.

- In the name of Father.

- Son.

- Son.

- And the Holy Spirit.

- And the Holy Spirit.

- Amen.

- Amen.

- [Officiant] All right.

(both laughing) - [Paul] Here we go, here we go.

- [Officiant] All right, Paul, with this ring.

- With this ring.

- I thee wed. - I thee wed. - And pledge to you.

- And pledge to you.

- My loyalty and love.

- My loyalty and love.

- In the name of the Father.

- In the name of Yahweh.

- The son.

- [Both] Amen.

- [Officiant] Now by the authority as a minister of God.

(translator speaks in foreign language) - [Officiant] I pronounce you.

(translator speaks in foreign language) - Husband and wife.

(translator speaks in foreign language) - [Officiant] May those who God has joined, let no one separate you.

- No, man.

- You can kiss the bride.

- Oh, my goodness I've been waiting.

(audience laughs) (audience cheering) She's awesome.

And I can't wait to be able to come home to her, to share my day and sit down with each other and cook for each other.

And I just wanna serve her.

(light music) My crime does not define me.

Not at all.

Absolutely not.

What I would want people to know about me would be to just give me a chance, to not judge me on a first, on a first thought, or because of what my charges are.

I could be a good friend, I could be a good neighbor.

I just want to help people now instead of hurt people.

I wish that the circumstances didn't happen how they happened for me to get to where I was.

But everybody has to have a story.

Everybody has to have something that they overcome.

(light music) (piano music)