[bright upbeat music] >>I'm Darryl Owens, welcome to "A World of Difference: Embracing Neurodiversity."

Billionaire, Sam Walton, once shared these priceless words, quote, "Nothing else can quite substitute for a few, well chosen, well timed, sincere words of praise.

They're absolutely free and worth a fortune," unquote.

The Sam's Club founder wasn't speaking, specifically, about children with learning and attention issues, but the fact is, those expressions of approval and commendation are something they, perhaps more than their neurotypical peers, need in bulk.

For neurodivergent children who battle through challenges in the classroom and on the playground, a bit of praise can boost self esteem and bolster confidence.

A high five can motivate a child, who is struggling to get a handle on dyslexia, persist.

And a well placed, good job, when a child remembers to hand in his homework on time, can stoke resilience and whittle away negative self-talk.

Of course, while in the thick of digging out from the disaster area that is the room of your child with ADHD, parents might find it difficult to remember to catch the child while she is good.

It's important for moms and dads, relatives and educators, to gift children who learn differently with praise to show them, I see you, as a way to foster positivity as the child navigates an often winding road to learning.

On this episode, we visit a Central Florida family that uses praise to nourish the souls of both their neurodivergent and neurotypical daughters.

Next, our panel of experts shares how sincere and specific praise can bolster outcomes for children who learn differently.

Later, you'll meet our latest difference maker, a TV script writer, sci-fi novelist, and a futurist who because of struggles with dyslexia and other learning differences, never could have forecast a career as an award winning author.

But first, we travel to Sanford, Florida to meet the Greens, who are quick to raise a praise to help raise up their daughter who learns differently, and her little sister, who doesn't.

Chief correspondent, Cindy Peterson, brings us their story.

[upbeat cheery music] >>Praise, who doesn't like to hear an atta boy or atta girl every now and then?

It's rewarding, fulfilling and brightens up your day.

The same is true, if not even more so for kids with learning differences.

For these children, compliments, notes of appreciation, high fives, and applause provide validation, motivation, clear expectations and positive reinforcement.

At the Green family home in Sanford, Florida, praise is the encouraging fuel that lights the fire in six year old Eman and 10 year old Sydney who was recently diagnosed with learning and attention differences.

>>It was in 2020, during COVID, when we really knew something was different.

I had always observed minor tics and it was really during the pandemic when things started to escalate and they started to become more complex.

That's when we took her for testing and they determined that she did have some differences in learning with Tourette's, ADHD, and general anxiety disorder.

>>School was becoming more and more difficult for Sydney who had trouble focusing in highly stimulated environments, like the classroom.

>>School is really hard.

Public school is set up for volume of kids to learn.

So when kids don't fit the box, it's harder for them to succeed in those environments.

>> Sydney is an intellectual.

She loves information and she will have a college conversation with you about something she knows to be true.

But you're talking about focusing on your homework, and she's having the dialogue with you about biology and the metamorphosis of a caterpillar.

So it's real interesting, but at the same time, it's a balance.

>>One of the ways that proved to help Sydney focus on tasks, like homework and household chores, is a reward system to help motivate her and celebrate her wins.

>> The girls both love princesses and things like that, so I started what's called a Princess Program, and that's the treasure box back there.

And so really, what it was was helping to streamline behaviors and create consistency so that she can have a visual and have a chart of, hey, these are the things that you absolutely need to do every single day, and if you do these things and you earn so many points, by the end of the week, you get to go in the treasure box.

So, and it became a really good system for both of them to hold each other accountable, because as the oldest, she can be a good example for her little sister, and the little sister, sometimes she holds her accountable.

So it can go both ways, but those are definitely things that we use to help keep them on track.

>> It's kinda like a chart that we use in order to go in the treasure chest.

For example, if I clean up my room and help my sister and do my homework and all that stuff, and fill out the chart, then I get to go in the treasure box.

>> [Cindy Peterson] Although the reward system has specific goals in mind, Shannon has learned that the journey to getting there is just as important as the finish line.

>> The key is praise her process I'm not big on outcomes because outcomes are things that we can't always control, but what we can control is our effort.

And Dad says something to both of the girls every single morning.

>> Have fun, focus, and finish.

Those are the three things that every morning, when I take 'em to school, that they are challenged with and reminded, every day, with every task, with every situation, have fun, focus, and finish.

>> Every single night, we do the gratitude check.

So what are three things that you're grateful for that happened today?

So it's a matter of keeping them in the present and practicing that mindfulness of let's just focus on right now.

Let's not think, you know, tomorrow or two weeks from now, what are we grateful for today?

So we go into the day with the confidence building of focus, finish, have fun, and we end the day with what are we grateful for?

And just really try to take it day by day.

>>But the question arises, what happens when they don't succeed?

>> So there is a piece of that where we're trying to teach her how to embrace failure.

Failure is part of life, you know, you're not gonna be successful at everything, but you have to go after it.

So then when she does go after something and she gets it, like she got a part in the school play, those are things that build her confidence and it also teaches her how to just be present, be in her body, enjoy the moment, do something that you didn't think that you could do before.

So I thought that was a big one, actually, for her.

I think there is a difference in how you have to define success.

I've accepted that the grades may not always reflect what I know her natural intellect is and what her capabilities are, and I know that's the environment and that is the system.

That is not her, she is very bright, she is very intelligent, and just feeding that confidence is gonna be key for her.

So the things that she does excel at, with art, or with just being an intellectual, really, you know, deep thinker, just feeding that.

So she can have the confidence to know that she's gonna be successful in life, whatever she chooses to do, and that she's gonna have our support, 100%.

>>For "A World of Difference," I'm Cindy Peterson.

[upbeat cheerful music] >> Next, our expert panel digs deeper into the benefits of genuine and timely praise.

[carefree bright music] Dr. Jordan Lill is a licensed and board certified behavior analyst at the doctoral level, and serves as a behavioral health manager at Pediatric Partners in Fargo, North Dakota.

He specializes in the assessment and treatment of challenging behavior, caregiver education and support, and school-based behavioral consultation.

>> Shelley Kenow is a certified special education teacher and has served as a special educator for more than 30 years.

She is the author of "Those Who Can't...Teach," true stories of special needs families to promote acceptance, inclusion, and empathy.

Host of the YouTube series, "No Limits," cohost of "Friday With Fran," a YouTube series focused on special education topics and the owner of Shelley Kenow, IEP Consulting.

>> Barbara Munoz is a former high school, varying exceptionalities teacher at West Orange High School in Winter Garden, Florida, and currently serves as a learning specialist and academic advisor at Beacon College in Leesburg, Florida, the nation's first accredited college or university dedicated to educating neurodivergent students with learning and attention issues.

And we're gonna start our conversation with Dr. Lill.

What are some of the latest findings regarding the benefits of praising neurodivergent students, Doctor?

>> Thank you for having me on the show, Darryl.

The latest research shows that, you know, when we deliver praise or attention to children, we wanna do so in a very specific way, and what I mean by specific way is we want to label the praise, so letting the child know why you're providing the praise and we see that when we deliver behavior specific praise with that label praise, we see an increase in the behavior that we wanna see.

So, you know, child being good.

So that can be playing, sharing, following directions, and when we deliver that labeled praise, we also see a reduction in the challenging behavior and whatever that may be.

>> Thank you.

So Shelley, how does praise help children with learning and attention issues build self esteem?

>> I emphasize, also, what Dr. Lill said, thank you for having me today.

We all want to know that we are valued, loved, and respected for who we are.

And so when we're talking to our children, we wanna be telling them exactly what it is about them that makes them the great person that they are.

So we want to tell them, whether they're neurodivergent or not, very key, specific terms.

I like your effort.

The effort that you put into this was really good, because a lot of times, they're going to hear negatives from society, and they need to hear from us, as parents and teachers, all the wonderful things about them.

I think the number now is seven positives to one negative, to negate that negative.

And it seems like the science is always changing on that.

I don't know if that's because we have such a negative society now, but it seems like we have to have more and more positives in order to get rid of those negatives.

So if we, as parents and teachers, are feeding into those positives as much as possible, we're going to help our children feel better about themselves away from what society might be telling them.

>> Well thank you.

So Barbara, children obviously spend a lot of their time in the school setting.

So how does praise help them succeed in school?

>> Praise is of utmost importance, Darryl.

It's very important for our students to not only receive praise, but the appropriate type of praise.

So there's three specific types of praise, there's the personal praise, which is like, great job, you're a good artist, you're a good singer.

There's the effort-based praise which is more student controlled in the effort that they're putting in, and then there's the behavior specific praise, which is what they are doing and how they can correct that behavior.

So these three types of praise allow the student to be successful, but of course, they have to be delivered in a successful manner so that the student understands and accepts it.

>> All right.

So Dr. Lill, are there any pervading misconceptions surrounding praise, and if there are, how can parents address that?

>> That's a great question, Darryl.

So in my practice, the most common misconception is that the neurodivergent child, for example, the child has autism, is diagnosed with autism, they may not value or pay attention to the praise or understand the praise.

So I want to dispel that misconception.

Every child wants that praise.

And there's different types of attention or praise that the child may want.

So you have to really be specific and understand the preferences of that child for the praise to be successful.

And you know, just because the child may not immediately react or you don't see change right away, persist and continue to provide that praise because it does make a real difference when you're providing that attention for the behaviors you want to see.

>> All right.

So Shelley, are there challenges that parents face when it comes to applying praise in their child's life?

>> Oh of course.

As a child, I mean, I'm sorry, as a parent with a child, we often want to just say, as Dr. Munoz said, you know, good job.

Well sometimes our students don't know what good job means.

What did I do a good job with?

Was it my effort?

Was it the outcome?

Was it the behavior?

And so we have to be very aware of what we're saying and how we're saying it.

I think someone else mentioned that we have to be, you put in a lot of effort and you really stayed with that process until the end.

Oh, you sat quietly in the car on the way to the store.

And definitely think about those specific things that we are wanting to target.

The more attention you pay to any behavior, the more of that behavior you're going to see.

So if it is keeping their hands to themselves while you're driving from place to place, then that's the specific praise we have to do.

We often forget, though, to praise, and we tend to only pay attention to, oh, you didn't do what I wanted and so I'm gonna tell you about that.

So we need to always be sure that when we're seeing what they're doing is what we want them to do, that we're telling them specifically, do that more, by saying, that's really awesome that you kept your hands to yourself in the car, right, or whatever the behavior is, or whatever the activity is.

>> All right.

Well piggy backing off of what Shelley just said, Barbara, it seems that praise should be a natural reflex for parents, but apparently, it is not.

So can you amplify some of the additional mistakes that parents might make when it comes to praise.

>> Certainly.

In my experience, the common mistake that parents are making is that sometimes they're giving too much of that personal praise, which is, great job, you're the best, you're such a good artist, you're so beautiful, so on and so on, when what we really want is more of an effort based praise, again, I love how you were able to do your homework, focused for 15 minutes.

So it has to be more intentional that the student understands that there's room for growth and that they can continue to better, that the parent is happy, but because they are doing a behavior that is appropriate for them.

So they should be able to grow on that as the student.

But that's one of the mistakes that I've seen.

Another one is this comparison that parents often like to make to their siblings.

So they might, instead of the compliment being very original, I love how you've been able to read this book for 10 minutes, sitting down, it becomes like, you know, your sister can read this book.

I like that you're doing it, but maybe we can read 15 minutes more, like your sister did.

So I find that, that comparison to siblings is something that can get in the way, and also the over-complimenting things that really might not need a compliment at that moment, or a praise at that moment.

>> All right.

Well thank you.

So Dr. Lill, can you talk to us about how parents can creatively integrate praise into their daily routine with their children.

>> That's another great question So of course, as the panel has discussed, we wanna use labeled praise and really describe why we're providing that intention for the child.

And, you know, we wanna catch our kids being good, so to speak, so what I tell parents all the time, set aside 10 to 15 minutes and work on those pride skills.

And pride would be, you know, praise by reflecting and expanding on what your child is saying.

You wanna imitate what they're doing.

So if they're playing a game or they're building blocks, or whatever the child's doing, try your best to also mirror or imitate that.

Then we wanna always describe what they are doing, right, and we wanna deliver this with enthusiasm that's matched with, you know, what the child refers.

So I talk to families about challenging yourself to deliver at least, you know, 15 praise statements in that 10 minutes and then the next time, beat it.

And what will we find is that the parent will do this across the day, over time, because you know, practice builds that skill.

>> Watch the full "Ask the Experts" segment on our website at AWODTV.org, if you wanna learn more about this topic.

You can also watch or listen on Facebook, YouTube, or on your favorite podcasting platform.

(cheerful bright music) Next, let's meet our latest difference maker.

For P.J.

Manney, life was a song, and the classically trained teenager sang it with gusto.

Manney had designs on gracing Broadway until fate sucker punched her in the nose, literally.

And just like that, Manney was forced to sing a different tune.

Rather than Broadway, she found her way to Hollywood, writing scripts about warrior princesses and mighty men.

Perhaps Xena and Hercules ring a bell.

Yet Manney really hit her stride when she began penning her series of dystopian sci-fi novels that belie an uncertain past where learning and attention differences seemingly threaten to bring down the curtain on her soaring promise.

Senior correspondent, Brad Kuhn, and videographer, Bassey Arikpo, bring us her story.

[buoyant carefree music] >> Author P.J.

Manney is known for her best selling sci-fi trilogy, "Phoenix Horizon," a dystopian thriller, nominated for the prestigious Phillip K. Dick Award.

You may have seen her work on television, including episodes of "Xena, Warrior Princess," and "Hercules, the Legendary Journeys."

Her writing credits are as numerous as they are improbable because of all the things Manney dreamed of being one day, author was never one of them.

>> I was told, my entire childhood, whatever happened, whatever I wanted to be, I could not be a writer.

I was very good at dance and acting and singing, so I was training, as a kid, as a triple threat.

My dream was to be on Broadway.

>> Manney loved to read, but she was slow at it, and writing, forget about it.

>> I learned to read at two by reading with my dad, the "New York Times."

The problem was, I wasn't reading accurately and I wasn't writing accurately and I was having a very hard time, you know, my writing was always terribly messy.

The only time my writing was good was when I tried to copy a letter as though I was drawing it as opposed to, when I thought of it as an object, and not as communication.

So I went through school being told, whatever you do, don't become a writer.

You can't spell, you have terrible grammar, (laughs) even though I was reading well above my ability, very slowly, and I'd come up with my own hacks as a kid.

I thought, you know, it really helps when I put a ruler or a file card under a sentence.

And it really helps if I, you know, create no other distractions around my reading.

So I was creating these hacks that turned out to be things that dyslexics use.

Or I would sit there and literally make a box around the word and go down the line so I could isolate the image of the word.

>> Outside of school, her neuro diversity was no big deal.

By then, she had already developed her own work-arounds and it was her exceptional voice, not writing skills, she would rely on in her chosen profession.

But life had other plans.

>> My best friend slugged me because in a choreographed fist fight, someone didn't pull a punch.

And my face was shattered.

And I went through extensive rebuilding surgery.

I mean I had fractures into my cranium, it was a whole thing.

But what it did was, it ruined, I was classically trained, classical voice, and it ruined the resonator that exists in your sinuses 'cause it had collapsed.

So there went my voice.

>> With Broadway no longer an option, Manney consulted with her high school guidance counselor.

There, she learned for the first time that her quirks had a name.

>> Apparently, from kindergarten they knew I was dyslexic.

They didn't even have words like dyscalculic or dysgraphic at that point.

But they noted all of these issues I had with attention deficit and all of what we consider now common diagnosis of neurodiversity.

But no one told us.

>> On the advice of a famous family friend, she made a new plan and then she put that plan into action.

>> I got into a fabulous university which had probably the greatest undergraduate film program in the country, called Wesleyan University.

>> [Brad Kuhn] After college, she worked for the Walt Disney company in public relations.

She promoted movies, learned story development and ran a production company.

Then she married a movie producer and moved with him to New Zealand for what she thought would be a short-term assignment that stretched more than six years.

Unable to work due to immigration laws, she found herself at another inflection point.

>> In New Zealand, I wasn't allowed to work except reading other scripts and I thought, you know what, I've never tried writing.

And this is something I say every single person who's neurodiverse, has to try the thing they're told is hard.

>> She started telling her own stories, first in the form of TV scripts, and eventually as novels.

>> I knew the flow of a story.

I knew how it had to move.

I knew where the ups and downs had to be, I understood story structure and it turns out that 70% of storytelling is structure.

>> By opening herself up to possibilities and adapting to overcome adversity, P.J.

Manney found her place in the world.

And to anyone just beginning their hero's journey, she says- >> Be kind to yourself, be empathetic, be compassionate to yourself.

As both a parent and a child, and understand that while someone may be telling you you have a problem, it's not a problem.

It's only something to adapt to.

>> For "A World of Difference," I'm Brad Kuhn.

[cheery upbeat music] >> Thanks Brad and Bassey.

And congratulations P.J.

Manney for making a difference.

And that does it for this edition of "A World of Difference: Embracing Neurodiversity."

I'm Darryl Owens.

I'll see you back here next time.

You can watch episodes of "A World of Difference" on the Beacon College Facebook and YouTube channels and on the show's website, AWODTV.org.

The website also provides tip sheets and other resources for your parenting journey.

You can watch the show from the PBS app, available on your favorite streaming device and you can listen on your favorite podcasting platform.

Thank you for watching and supporting "A World of Difference."

[carefree bright music]