>> Hi.

I'm Lewis Howes, New York Times best-selling author and entrepreneur.

And welcome to "The School of Greatness," where we interview the most influential minds and leaders in the world to inspire you to live your best life today.

In this episode, we sit down with Priyanka Chopra Jonas, a multi-award-winning actress, producer and one of the most recognized personalities in the world.

And Priyanka shares her challenges and victories with love and vulnerability as we discuss creating self-worth, finding happiness and choosing yourself.

I'm so glad you're here today.

Let's dive in and let the class begin.

♪ ♪ I can't imagine that you'd ever be insecure because you've done a thousand movies at this point.

But is there ever a point where you feel not sure of yourself going into a big meeting, a big opportunity, a big role or moment in your life?

>> I had a talent deal with ABC Studios to do a show with them, and it was my step into America.

It had taken me -- It was a lot of lamenting that took me into saying, "Alright," because it would take time out of my Indian career, and that means I couldn't do as much work.

So it's a large risk.

Like, what if it doesn't pay off?

What if it's a waste of my time?

So all of that was playing in my head.

And anyway, I took the decision.

I had this amazing talent deal.

And I loved this one show called "Quantico," and I had to go in and audition for it.

I had had a prolific career in India for almost eight, nine years by then.

>> You never had to audition.

>> Auditioning was far behind.

>> That was 2020.

That was Miss India days.

Yeah.

>> I was like, "Yo, bro, everyone does it here.

You're going to do it.

You're starting out and it's new."

I knew that.

My practical mind knew that.

But I remember when I walked into the studio where the audition was and there were a couple of chairs outside and there were two other girls, and they were beautiful and they were everything that this character was.

And I was like, "Why would you do that?

Why would you let the other actors see the other actors?"

So I was thinking about all these things, freaking out in my mind.

I went to the restroom and I was like, "Alright."

Thankfully, it was empty.

It was great.

There was only two stalls.

I checked.

There was nobody else.

And I just had one of those moments that you have in romantic comedies.

You know, you look at yourself in the mirror and you're like checking yourself.

You're like, "Yo."

>> "You got this."

>> "You've done 50 movies.

Do you know how many movies that is?

50 movies!"

And I gave myself a whole pep talk, and I was like, "You know your job.

You're not new at this.

You have experience.

You have way more experience than those girls sitting outside.

Use that.

Use what you know."

And I really, like, empowered myself.

I strutted down that hallway into that room and got that job.

>> Wow.

>> But it took talking myself into doing it.

>> What is the self-talk you do internally if you don't have a mirror, if you're not alone in a bathroom?

What's your process that you say to yourself?

What are the reminders?

What are the mantras, meditations that you think about before that?

>> It always helps me to voice it whenever I'm insecure.

I either write about it somewhere or I'll speak to somebody who I trust.

My mom, my husband, my best friend.

But I find it easier to talk about it.

So that's why I have a healthy relationship with my insecurities, because I take away their power by discussing them.

I choose not to live with them alone in the dark recesses of my mind, because then they become monsters, and then they become really, really large and they're usually not real.

So it's always been very helpful to me whenever I'm feeling crazy or insecure or afraid, or even if I feel like I've made a mistake.

>> It's hard to achieve anything without confidence.

You could have the greatest experience.

You could have the greatest degree, the skills.

You could have the family.

You could have the money.

Like, you could have good looks.

Whatever it is, you can have this stuff.

But if you don't know how to build confidence when it matters, it doesn't matter if the world believes in you.

If we don't believe in ourselves, nothing's going to happen.

>> But the world won't believe in you.

>> Exactly.

>> If you don't believe in you.

As someone in the public profession, my job is to be entertaining and be confident in every step that I take and every move that I make.

But recognizing that confidence is not something we are born with, it's a skill.

It's like -- It's a muscle almost.

If you think of it like going to the gym, you've got to work at it.

You start using that at a very small level every day.

But I think that in any profession or any aspect of life, confidence is -- Perception is reality.

Most people believe that, right?

You know that how people perceive you is what they think reality is.

So give them something perceivable.

>> Amen to that.

What would you say are three things on a daily basis that you do to build confidence that you think anyone could apply for their life, even if they feel like they have no confidence?

>> When I wake up in the morning, I take time in the bathroom.

I shower, I pick the outfit that I'm feeling today.

I will -- Sort of doing my makeup and my hair sort of helps me or my skincare routine actually at night helps me be sort of introspective.

Otherwise, through the day, I'm very erratic.

I have multiple balls in the air.

Professionally, I'm doing a lot of things.

I'm always behind on time.

I'm always playing catchup.

So at the end of the night and the beginning of the day, I really give myself some silence.

I play music and when I take that first step outside my safe space, it sets the tone for my day, so I try not to have it be erratic or scary or like if I'm late and if I'm running, that always sets the tone for my energy through the day.

So I try to really start my day on the tone I want to have and the confidence I want to have, and at every given step during the day, I remind myself of the things I have instead of the things I don't have.

Insecurity comes from -- a lot of it sometimes I think comes from, "Oh, my gosh, I don't have this.

It's not good enough" or "I'm not good enough" for a particular scenario or particular situation, or we start judging ourselves.

And this was another lesson, actually, an activity that my mom and I used to do is we used to count our blessings and me and my husband do it too whenever we're feeling crazy because our schedules aren't the same.

We're always in different parts of the world.

We do that.

We count our blessings about -- just five things, like truly an exercise.

No matter how badly off you are, someone else is worse off than you.

That makes it so easy to count your blessings.

>> I think it's important to have that perspective in our lives that we always have something to be grateful for, even when it's the darkest time.

There's something to be grateful for.

>> Absolutely.

And that's so empowering.

That to me is my greatest mantra is truly and tangibly do it on your fingers.

Do it.

Like just five things.

>> Your evolution as a woman in this industry -- Typically, younger women are more desirable for opportunities in their late teens, early 20s.

And it's like when you're 26, 27, it's almost like you're "old" as a woman and you may not be the young, sexy one anymore or something in this industry.

How have you evolved personally to not allow that stigma to hold you back from being who you want to be, from accepting yourself, from loving yourself, from innovating and reinventing yourself that you've done so many times.

How do you not let that stigma hold you back?

>> I can't say that I don't.

I just am hoping that it doesn't happen to me because I didn't make that glass ceiling.

So I don't want to think about where it is.

You know, it's been made by other people.

So you just kind of have to have, you know, speed and run towards your end game and have a goal and be ambitious and fuel that ambition every single day.

>> What is the end game?

>> I want to be able to, as a woman, leave a better world for the girls after us, like the women before me did for me.

I don't think about voting today.

I don't think about driving today.

I don't think about aspiring to have the same job as a man.

And all of those fights were fought by women that came before me.

So it's my responsibility and our responsibility as a generation to leave it better for the next one.

>> How do you navigate relationships with such a busy, full plate?

>> There's not as much face time as you would possibly want, but when I made the deal with the devil about running at this fast pace many years ago, I realized that there would be sacrifices that are required and there's no free lunch in the world.

And when you have ambitions, you've got to sort of pay for it.

And it's important to choose relationships when you're really busy because we can all be caught up in life.

And life is like a really fast river, you know, you don't know what the currents are going to be because it's just moving.

You don't know what you're going to bump into because it's just moving.

But you have to choose to hold on to something when you want to take a breath.

Just like that, you have to choose to hold on to a relationship, whatever that might be with your children, with your family, with your parents.

You have to make the time and you have to tell the people you love that you love them.

Don't just assume that they know.

It takes choosing yourself.

And I've done that multiple times in my life, and I think it's such a powerful tool because the longest relationship you have is with yourself.

>> I think it's important for people to be reminded that we need to choose ourselves when no one else will choose us.

We need to be there for ourselves when we're sad, when we're sick.

>> It's no one's job to choose someone else.

You know, your parents will do it for a while.

Your spouse will do it for a while.

Maybe your children will do it for a while.

But you are no one else's responsibility but your own.

>> Yeah.

>> And what you do with your life and the choices you make dictate the sum of your life.

It's such simple math, actually.

We are the sum of all our choices.

>> What happens when you put your life into your work?

You know, maybe it's two months, three months, however long creating a project.

You have big expectations and for whatever reason, it's not received the way you want by an audience or it doesn't do as well in the box office or whatever.

How do you navigate those emotions after the effort, the energy, the love that you poured into something that maybe doesn't get the results you're looking for?

>> I've had so many of those.

[ Both laugh ] I can give you a list of how to deal with that.

>> Because I think a lot of people get defeated.

They'll do one thing and then it doesn't work the way they expected.

And then it's like, "why try again?"

>> Absolutely.

And that's a very human feeling.

But when you want to create a legacy, it's what you do after failure that matters.

>> Mm!

>> Everyone's going to fail.

You're definitely going to fail if you're trying a new thing, you know?

And if you don't try a new thing, you're not going to evolve.

So if someone has put all their eggs in one basket and is like, you know, "this is everything I know and it's going to work," you're setting yourself up for failure and for God to laugh.

You've got to know that there's always going to be a risk that it doesn't work out and it's going to suck.

And, you know, you lock yourself up in a room and eat pizza for five days and get over it, you know, and pull your big-girl pants up and go back to work and create something else.

The person you are, your worth comes from how you react after you fail or how you react after you're hurt.

That's being a person of integrity.

For example, in school we used to have this thing called annual exams, which at the end of the year you have this one exam, which is final examinations, and that sort of determines if you're going to the next class or not.

But there are smaller, little like midterms and small little tests that also contribute to your grade.

Right?

So if I make sure that I get an A in all the little, little, little, little tests by the end of it, my report card is always going to be excellent.

So why spend so much time thinking about excellence that I may or may not achieve with fate and destiny?

Who knows where life is going to go?

I believe life is short.

And I believe if you aim for excellence every day in every job that you have, your life is bound to be full of excellence.

>> What do you think about in terms of creating and cultivating happiness for yourself?

I think a lot of people find happiness in a lot of the wrong things, whether or how many likes they get or what someone says to them or what their partner does for them to bring them joy or whatever, whatever expectation.

How do you cultivate happiness for yourself to the point where it's not reliant on other outside factors, but it's within?

>> You're born alone and you're going to die alone.

This is your journey and yours only.

So now if, for this journey, we're expecting, you know, someone else to contribute to your trajectory, it's skewed.

That's never -- That's not the truth.

That's like some utopian illusion that people live in.

No one can contribute to your happiness.

It's only you that can contribute to receiving what you're receiving.

So if we receive from somebody else that when they give me a gift, it validates me or when somebody writes great comments, it makes me feel better about myself, you're receiving validation instead of having it within yourself and creating your own validation, which comes from, like I told you, my self-worth comes from seeing the successes out of things that I have worked towards creating, that I have my hands and feet into -- my movie, my job, my book, my business, the things that I've done.

And if I was a carpenter, it would be my bedpost.

Or if I was a tailor, it would be my dress.

But I think taking pride in who we are and what we bring to the table is, I think, the greatest joy of them all.

And it cannot be compared to what somebody else does, whether that's the best partner in the world, the most number of followers or sycophants that will always say, "you're amazing."

That's not the truth.

When you sleep at night, do you have a fitful sleep or are you content?

Do you wake up anxious?

Are you stressed because you need someone else to do something for you?

I think that's the journey we all have to make, is to come to a place of "What can I do for myself today that's going to make me smile?"

>> What do you believe from everything you've seen in the last 4 to 5 years that's happening in the world, what should we expect men to give more, to be more and what do you think we should expect women to be more of to create more healing in the world together, to create more connection together?

What do you think we can both do?

>> Parents in general can teach their sons to be vulnerable and can teach their sons to respect women.

The largest thing that is required is for men to be in our corner and for men to respect their sisters, wives, daughters, friends, because you have been given the torch for eons.

And what men can truly do is that, is create opportunity for females and give credence to their intelligence, give credence to our abilities and, you know, recognize it for being a peer and being an equal, as different as we are, you know, in our physiologies, in our ideologies, in our behavior and and all the other complex things.

But when it comes to merit and when it comes to opportunities, we should be creating more for women.

Men should be.

>> Yeah.

>> And for women, I think we have to find it in our hearts to forgive patriarchy that came before us and to fight towards creating a world which is inclusive of both genders, which is respectful of both genders, which gives opportunity for both genders.

Women have for eons been treated like second-class citizens, and they're bound to be angry.

But, you know, the only way to create healing is to forgive existing and previous misogyny and patriarchy and fighting for your right so that we leave an easier sort of a world and male/female dynamic for our children.

They shouldn't have to inherit this problem, this inequality.

They shouldn't.

>> I agree with what you're saying there, and I'm curious, what's been the hardest thing you've had to forgive?

>> Do I forgive, though, after I gave that advice?

[ Both laugh ] That's why I'm imploring women.

It's hard for us to forgive.

I can forgive anything after I've given myself enough time to get over it.

>> I haven't been able to hear a lot of this stuff from you, the stuff you're sharing today.

So I'm really inspired by your generosity, your heart, your critical thinking, your creativity, all this stuff.

What would your 10-year-old self be proud of that you're doing and what would your 10-year-old self give advice to for you right now?

>> I think the one thing I hope my 10-year-ahead self would be proud of is the path that I was stepping on, of wanting to create stories of my own, not just for me, but people like me.

When I started working in Hollywood, there weren't really the kind of parts that I wanted to do that were written for me and coming to me.

And again, I'm not someone who's entitled to expect parts to come to me, but they were just not being written.

I wasn't seeing them when I was watching content either.

And it was a little bit of a struggle to say that I want to play a mainstream part.

I don't always want to be the stereotype that an Indian girl should be.

And it really inspired me to sort of start creating content.

And I hope that my older self would say that that -- that's the step in the right direction for you because it takes a lot of confidence and it takes sort of credibility in yourself to have garnered credibility.

And it took me 20 years to do it... >> Wow.

>> ...to be able to garner enough credibility in yourself, in my work, to now be able to create content not just for me, but for other people who I think deserve a platform and representation.

South Asians are one fifth of the world's population, and when you look at global entertainment, you don't see one fifth of the world's movies being South Asian, right?

>> Right.

>> So I feel like I want to be a step in that direction and tell cross-pollination of stories.

I'm an amalgamation of two of the greatest movie industries in the world.

Right?

And there's something really powerful about that.

Today, we're consuming all our content on, like, streamers, and there is an audience for everything.

And I want to be able to create diverse content, female content.

So I hope that -- And I'm just about stepping in that direction.

So I hope my 10-year-older self would be like, "Good girl."

>> "Way to go."

>> "Glad you did that."

And the advice I think [Laughs] would be to take more time out.

You know?

>> [ Laughs ] >> I'm always -- >> Good luck.

>> I know, I know.

I'm always like going from one job the next.

I'm always like -- I've planned.

I know my next two jobs.

It's definitely telling me, you know, smell the roses, just take a second and enjoy your new house and, you know, your dogs and your family.

>> This question I ask everyone at the end of my interviews, it's called the Three Truths.

So I'd like you to imagine a hypothetical scenario that it's your last day on Earth.

It's many, many years away.

It's your last day, and you've accomplished every goal, every dream.

It's happened.

But for whatever reason, all of your content has to go with you to the next place, wherever that is.

So your books, your movies, this interview, anything you've ever done has to go with you.

So no one has access to your content anymore, except you've got a piece of paper and a pen, and you get to write down three lessons that you would share with the world.

What would you say are those three lessons or what I like to call your Three Truths?

>> Like I said, to invest in yourself, to choose yourself.

That's my truth.

Whatever I left this Earth being was because of my relationship with me and the fact that at every given step I chose what was best for me.

And by that I don't mean like by being selfish, but by choosing for my validation and my self-worth to come from my actions and my achievements.

The second one is the only way to love is completely.

Whether that is the love you have for your husband, your child, your parents, your friends, the world, Earth, the environment.

But there is no being careful in love.

And there's -- Don't be careful in love.

Just give it and flow like a stream, a waterfall.

And the third thing -- Family.

The family you're born into, the family you choose and the family that chooses you.

You know, there are so many people in your life that come into your journey and leave you for a long duration, for a short duration.

But the memories of respecting and honoring family is very important.

>> All the people that I know who know you well are very supportive and proud and have been standing by for a long time.

So I know that you're just a quality human being based on what people say about you.

I know your father would be extremely proud to see everything that you've created and the woman you're becoming.

I know he'd be amazing to watch everything that you're up to.

And I want to acknowledge you, Priyanka, for the gift you bring to the world.

You constantly show up.

You constantly inspire women.

You constantly inspire all human beings about what's possible.

For going through the different challenges you've gone through and constantly choosing yourself and paving the way, you're an inspiration to so many, so I acknowledge you for possibly showing up and doing your best.

Again, not perfect, but you're doing your best.

And it's inspiring to watch.

My final question -- >> Thank you so much, Lewis.

>> Of course, of course.

This was leading up to the final question.

>> [ Laughs ] >> Which is, what is your definition of greatness?

>> I don't want to be rich.

I don't want to be famous.

I don't even want to be happy.

I just want to be great.

Greatness can be in the smallest things of when you wake up in the morning and you're aware -- awareness of being kind to people, being empathetic, saying good morning, even telling your parents you love them when you haven't done it.

That's greatness.

That's a great kid.

That's a, you know, being a great spouse, being a great daughter, being a great, you know, there's greatness in everyday moments.

And then there's also greatness in achieving your dreams.

So I think being able to go to bed at night knowing that you have spent a good day on this Earth is the most important form of greatness and that you can achieve by setting your own goals.

My goals are okay, my movie is released, I've written my book, I've done a press tour and a book tour, and I sleep at night knowing that I've achieved my entire day.

It could be that.

Or I could be in sweats, watching Netflix all day and be smiling with my family and playing Scrabble.

That would also be greatness to me, but going, you know, living your life -- I truly believe that there's got to be a reason, right, that we are born on Earth.

And the most simple and logical thing to me is probably our purpose of life is to live it well and to live it happily.

So if you go to sleep at night being happy with what you've achieved in the day, I think that's the greatest of them all.

>> Appreciate everything and I'm excited for all the great things to lie ahead for you.

So thank you so much.

>> I'm so excited to have been here and this was such a great conversation.

Thank you, Lewis, for being so insightful.

>> And I will -- I will -- I'll have the dream of being a pageant question writer now because of you.

>> [ Laughs ] Alternate profession, I promise you.

>> We hope you enjoyed this episode and found it valuable.

Stay tuned for more from "The School of Greatness" coming soon on public television.

Again, I'm Lewis Howes.

And if no one has told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.

And now it's time to go out there and do something great.

If you'd like to continue on the journey of greatness with me, please check out my website lewishowes.com, where you'll find over 1,000 episodes of "The School of Greatness" show, as well as tools and resources to support you in living your best life.

>> The online course Find Your Greatness is available for $19.

Drawn from the lessons Lewis Howes shares in "The School of Greatness," this interactive course will guide you through a step-by-step process to discover your strengths, connect to your passion and purpose, and help create your own blueprint for greatness.

To order, go to lewishowes.com/tv.

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