NARRATOR: At least 1 in 7 kids have experienced child abuse in the past year.

especially when perpetrated by a parent, abuse is often difficult to report.

Equally frightening is the ease with which online predators lure teens into abusive relationships.

Next on: Our Time Filmmakers Olive Van Eimeren and Karizma Lee Rivera Tackle child abuse head on looking for reconciliation within their families while healing themselves.

And stay tuned afterwords for interviews with the filmmakers.

[upbeat music] BOY: Why don't people understand me?

BOY: I'm tired of running so fast.

GIRL: I want to be heard.

BOY: Why are people afraid?

I'm ready for change.

I hear you.

I see you.

GIRL: My time...

BOY: My time... Our time is now.

NARRATOR: Major funding for this program is provided by: The Russell Grinnell Memorial Trust, Steve and Mary Anne Walldorf, and Betsy and Warren Dean.

Additional funding is provided by: Arts in Society the Joseph Henry Edmondson Foundation, the Bee Vradenburg Foundation, The Buck Foundation, The Calm Foundation, the Kirkpatrick Family Fund, the Cultural Office of the Pikes Peak Region, and Will Stoller-Lee.

[upbeat piano] OLIVE: A concave, spiraling anxiety centers itself in the pit of your gut.

The longer you think about it, the tighter that feeling gets.

You try to center it into your toes.

Pedaling as the air sings through your laces, but you can't help but ponder gravity and how easily gravel carves elbows.

[singing from car radio] OLIVE: How did you feel when I said I wanted to go to Grand Junction?

DOMINIC: Honestly, I'd just been puffing my chest.

Going, “I told you so, everybody.

I told you all.

” She would go back and she would reconcile with Tim at some level.

This needed to happen.

This time would come.

He may not be able to handle it and get up and walk out.

About him being a father.

He hasn't been, Olive.

Be strong and be who you are.

Don't be afraid because that's what I always was.

Was afraid.

Don't be afraid of him.

FILM CREW: ...where the battery goes.

Okay, yeah.

-I'm going to go get the spare just in case, but go ahead.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I've been color coding my questions for Tim.

Kind of just like on level of difficulty.

If he gets mad and, like, walks out and leaves, then he gets mad, you know?

And I honestly feel like that's kind of expected.

OLIVE: Its weird, like, seeing you again.

TIM: I know.

Four or five years?

Um, almost eight.

Jesus.

Yeah.

You have a dog, right?

TIM: Yeah.

Coop?

Yeah.

Have you seen him?

I saw pictures on Instagram.

Yeah, yeah.

TIM: Yeah.

OLIVE: Hes cute.

He's a good boy.

My furry angel.

Yeah.

So was it hard to do this?

Yeah, um...

I'm... Im pretty nervous.

TIM: Yeah, I am, too.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

TIM: Especially with the camera thing, but- OLIVE: I know.

I'm sorry.

- Thats...no, I mean... - Yeah.

Whatever I can do to help.

Yeah.

I just...

I just wanted to see you.

Yeah, me too.

I feel like I'm in therapy.

I don't want to be like having, like, kind of a nice time.

And then all of a sudden, I'm like, So why did you hurt my family?

Like, this kind of thing?

And like, how can- I dont know, how can someone even, like, respond to that kind of question?

At the same time, it kind of felt like I wanted to tell him about my life and hugging him was, I don't know that was weird.

It's kind of crazy how like, the five senses can really kick in to memory.

And then after the interview, we went over to my old house on Chapita.

I don't know.

After that, like the second half of the day, its just been really nice, you know?

I mean, there's some parts that I really want to hide from that really scare me about this place that I don't like to remember.

And then there's other things that are just really just, like, wholesome and comforting about this place, because, like, I grew up here, you know?

I think I mean, we can, like, go in the backyard and start filming and then we can go in the apartment.

I know we can't film in there, but... - Okay.

And you guys can go in the apartment, too.

They don't care about that.

Olive and I were really, really, really tight for years when she was a little girl and especially after the divorce and I kind of became the male figure in her life.

OLIVE: I thought, yeah, we had like a whole tea set - Yeah.

Mom would like make tea.

And we'd have like the sugar cube... [sentimental music] OLIVE: I had a lot of memories in the backyard.

- Yeah.

There's a lot of pictures of, like, Tim planting flowers.

He really liked flowers.

So there's like a whole bunch of gardening things I remember.

And then I remember the bucket with the fairy houses a lot.

HEATHER: When you came along, I was -- I remember Linda because she had come into the picture by now and basically said, you know, give me a call when you need a good lawyer.

And I was like, You're just the ex-wife.

You just want me out of the picture.

Not taking it is seriously.

And it wasn't it wasn't a week And I called her and said, I need some help.

The night that he realized he was going to have to sell the restaurant, he just went off the rails.

He put his hand through the window.

He fell onto the floor.

And he was so drunk, I couldn't I couldn't get him up.

And his hand was bleeding everywhere.

The police came and talked to me and wanted to know if everything was okay.

And I, you know, kind of alluded to the fact that no, it's not great.

I think they were worried about me because I was pregnant with you.

And I just remember trying to clean it all up and thinking, this is awful.

I got to get out of this.

I mean, I used to get really scared about being left alone.

So I used to stand outside this window and wait for my mom while she was doing laundry because, like, she was right downstairs, but I was still, like, terrified of being left alone.

HEATHER: He hit the wall in front of me, and then he pinned me up against the wall with the mattress.

But it was mostly verbal abuse with me.

I think he hit Zack.

I think he scared him out of his mind.

He did hit Linda, gave her a black eye.

He hit Papa.

There was a huge fight over at Papas.

PAPA: I remember making... You remember making dolls out of thses?

OLIVE: Oh, yeah.

PAPA: I think there's always parts of your life, especially in turmoil, like the divorce and stuff like that, that you move through blindly and then have to go back and assess what was real at that point.

I think this was a good thing for her to go back and say, Yeah, it was all right.

I mean, it's just part of my life, Good or bad.

It's part of my life.

And I think that's healthy.

OLIVE: I dont know.

You know, I think we're just going to see how it goes and Yeah, from there, because that's... that's all I can do.

And I came here to do something, so I should do what I came here to do.

How's your relationship like with Mason and Zach right now?

TIM: Mason and I are texting.

I see him.

Zach, he's... Zach, I haven't heard from in a while, and I reach out, but I understand.

How do you think your childhood has impacted fatherhood?

I don't know.

It affected me.

OLIVE: Do you think having a baby changed the relationship at all?

TIM: No, I...

I think all the changes were just me.

The relationship and the issues were independent of you, you know?

Was it weird having a girl after having two boys?

No.

No.

TIM: That was... tied everything together.

OLIVE: How did you feel when I asked you to do the documentary?

TIM: Mm hmm.

I was shocked and surprised and happy.

Yeah.

TIM: Nervous.

Apprehensive.

Anxiety.

But... Just a window, you know?

Are you nervous right now?

No, it's just.

Everything's coming up.

How did you feel when I wrote the letter to you explaining I didn't want to see you anymore?

That I was hurt.

But I understood.

I understood.

And I'm not an idiot.

I understand.

Do you think back on those times a lot, or is this just kind of bringing it all back up?

TIM: I try not to, just -- Its kind of in my dreams a lot.

And then, like when I wake up and recall the dreams, it's like it just hurts all day.

[pensive music] Sorry.

I'm just.

TIM: Its alright.

You do whatever you need to do.

And you can ask me anything, I... Yeah?

TIM: I know you deserve answers.

Is there anything you've been... You've wanted to tell me or clear up or just... Just that I'm sorry.

OLIVE: Yeah.

TIM: You guys are everything I always wanted.

And this isn't how I wanted it.

And that's on me, you know?

It's...

It's my [expletive].

And I'm sorry that it hurt you guys.

Thank you.

It's nice to hear.

Youre welcome.

Can I give you a hug?

Yeah, please.

Oh.

[upbeat piano] OLIVE: Do you remember those days?

Like sun-soaked pavement in July?

Salvation between palms of two tinsel rainbow tassels.

And then a familiar teaching echoes of skinned knees and ruby grass.

But tomorrow, I will recall this day how I pedaled among birds and clouds and when is my pain dissipate?

Like dandelions, meeting my lips.

I honestly don't know if I wish that things were different.

I know that I wouldn't be the same person that I am like right now if things hadn't gone down like how they had.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that those things happened and they made me who I am today.

And I'm still at the point where Im trying to like who I am today.

NARRATOR: Films in this series are made by teens in partnership with professional filmmakers in the Youth Documentary Academy.

Young people in the program are empowered to locate and craft their own stories through the art of documentary film.

KARIZMA: Oh, that's me!

Very zoomed in, but that's me.

I have no eyebrows on, and it's dark.

I just kind of felt like talking to someone for a minute.

Lifes been weird lately.

Lately on Snapchat, I keep getting, like, random friend requests, and, you know, Ill accept them.

Just because it's whatever, you know, Snapchat.

And I just get weird texts like: “Damn, girl, your [expletive] are so fat!

” And [expletive] like that and...

The second I'm like, “Ew, no... ” Theyre like: “[expletive] you, you damn fat ugly bitch!

” And it's like, which is it?

Am I hot, or am I not?

And...

I don't even know if I want to know the answer, to be honest.

I just wish...

I just feel gross.

♪ Here I go once more ♪ lying straight in my bed ♪ thinking things that were thought before ♪ because its all been said.

♪ Again and again and again.

♪ So!

♪ Show me what's been said again and ♪ show me what's been done.

♪ It's all the same old words to me ♪ because life's just no more fun.

♪ Lifes just no more fun ♪ No lifes just no more fun.

There's this awkward age 17 where it's like “It's a week until I'm a legal adult.

” “Why can't I act like it?

” You're not an adult.

You know, I'm now that I'm 18, I'm still not an adult.

And I thought the day I turned 18 it was going to be, like, this miraculous, like, oh, my God, DILFS!

[laugh] But it's not.

It feels weird.

I think I got hit on the most like... two months before I turned 18 because it was still a game.

It was still fun.

And, you know, when you're younger, 16, 17... and you have the older boyfriend who can buy beer for the party and and can take you driving because he has a car.

And, you know, it's it's kind of seen as respectable, which is like a really trashy thing, I think.

And it makes me think about my own mom and her experiences And she moved out really young, too, with an older boyfriend.

Kharizma, when she was in kindergarten, and graduating.

Ah!

Why am I... what am I saying about my pictures?

KARIZMA: Whatever you want!

I just-- - Oh... KARIZMA: Youre a mom, you get scared for your babies.

- I get scared for my babies?

Yeah, because I have gorgeous babies and... People are going to hurt them.

KARIZMA: How did meeting someone online go, like, back then?

- This is like chatrooms back in the day.

KARIZMA: Like AOL?

Yeah.

It was 1998.

My friend Erin, she would come over after school and we'd get online.

She loved chat rooms and she would meet guys in there.

And I never wanted her to go alone cause I was worried about her ass, so I would go with her.

[Karizma giggles] And I met Jeremy on one of our little double-date thingies.

I think I invited him to my birthday, KARIZMA: So youre 15.

MOM: I was 15 and then he came to my birthday.

So a 21, almost 22-year-old, showed up to your 16th birthday on a date?

Even though you were a mature 16-year-old Do you still respect him as a man?

No.

No, because a 22-year-old shouldn't be dating a 16-year-old.

KARIZMA: Well, there's Hazel, my beautiful best friend.

Oh, that is not in focus, lets- Whatever.

It's dark out.

Ignore my feet.

You have to pay for that.

And you look like a bad ass.

Enjoying your little cigar on the porch.

HAZEL: All right, you can do my interview now.

KARIZMA: Here's a hot topic.

Whats “kik ”?

Oof.

[coughing] KARIZMA: Damn, youre choking!

- Yeah.

Imagine Facebook Messenger, but it is 100% flooded with horny old men and insecure 13-year-olds.

KARIZMA: Yeah, that sounds about right.

- Yeah KARIZMA: Do you remember your username?

I think mine was probably... ScreamoEmoFanGirlXXXXX, something like that?

Legit legit.

So this is kik messenger.

This app is free on the app store.

You can go to public groups and you can find a bunch of things.

This age group is 16 to 35 and that's pretty gross.

Here's another 16 to 25.

16+ Madhouse BDSM 16 Hot Naked Fun Under 18 Gay Nudes Another 16 and up anything goes.

The group-- Oh, [expletive]!

I just press “join ”.

Oh no.

Ah!

Ahhh, no, no, no!

Get me out of here!

Okay, we're out, we're safe.

KARIZMA: What...What made you want to download Kik?

- Uhh...

I had just gotten like my first phone or something like that, And I wanted to like... add all my friends from school and stuff like that on every single social media that existed.

Like and I never imagined myself like getting preyed on.

KARIZMA: So how, how did that begin?

Did you reach out to someone?

Did they reach out to you?

- At first it was nonchalant and then it got kind of weird, I think... Like the first dude Like the first one that, like, latched on I think it was like 25.

KARIZMA: Ugh, that is so gross.

- Yeah.

And I was like 10 or 11 years old, probably.

My mom found out, And she took my phone away and beat my ass and stuff like that.

It took like three times of doing that for me to finally get it through my [expletive] head.

And then you have Yubo.

Yubo is a dating app for minors and you don't even have to disclose your age.

If you look up here.

Let's see.

Jack is 17.

She doesn't even disclose her age.

Neither does this guy or this girl or this guy or this guy or this guy.

17 years old and she has a BDSM kink thing in her bio.

She even states in her bio her insecurities.

Yes, I'm fat and I'm tall.

People are going to see that and they're going to prey on her specifically because they're going to know she's insecure.

HAZE: So grooming is typically by manipulating them emotionally, mentally, so you find their weaknesses basically.

So if you look at somebody and you're like, they're definitely self-conscious about their weight.

So you're like, You're not fat.

And then they're like, I didn't say I was fat, but I guess if you know I'm fat, but you say I'm not, then, you know, they find a way to get into you that way.

And then they it's just so weird.

It's so wild.

But-- I dont know who that is.

KARIZMA: Go away.

-We're not open.

KARZIMA: We're not.

Don't you guys not even open till like 2 p.m.?

- Were not open and... KARZIMA: We have a bunch of cameras and light out like... Fourth wall break!

Doo doo doo doo doo doo.

Were you searching for that validation?

- Yes!

He said I was pretty.

He said I was talented.

He said I was unique.

You know, the standard stuff.

Well, no one your own age calls you pretty.

You broaden your horizons in a negative way.

You know, I was called fat, ugly bitch in high school.

And then, so when the 35-year-old was like, “No, you're curvy, you're gorgeous, you're beautiful, ” I fell for that instantly.

I think everyone did.

You're focusing on your body, which is awesome, but you need to focus on the mind that's in there because you're just piloting a flesh vessel.

And and when you're so obsessed with your body, that makes you so prone to manipulation.

- Yes!

KARIZMA: Because youre looking for validation.

- Yeah, you're looking.

And the thing is... youll only look in the places where you know you'll find it.

KARIZMA: God, that's so true.

- Mhm.

I never wanted this film to be made.

The fact that it has to be made is the bad part.

This isn't my story.

I just have a lot to say.

I don't want it to be about me.

It just deals with me.

And that's hard.

Every morning I wake up and I tell myself: “Today is a good day because I said so.

” My day has been terrible.

But if I say it's a good day, it's a good day.

Every morning wake up and you call yourself beautiful.

Even if you don't believe it.

Eventually it'll be true.

Also, Snapchat filters are the devil.

Just take normal photos.

But, yeah.

[laugh] When I first saw the film, it was kind of scary.

I don't like to see myself very much.

I love like theater and acting and stuff, but cameras are different.

I kind of put away those troublesome thoughts and stuff because it was something important to me and I wanted it to be important to other people too.

So I just tried to let go of my self-image and really just delve deep into what the message was.

The most challenging part of making my film was probably the interview at the very end because I had to prepare emotionally for that and kind of prepare Tim for that as well.

[ambient strings] OLIVE: I think Tim just wanted a window, you know, he just wanted some form of communication.

The film was definitely closure for me.

It helped me process everything that had happened in a healthy way, you know?

I made this film because I just wanted to show other people that this is a lot more common than you might think it is.

And even if it's not happening to you, maybe it's happening to your friends, maybe you can speak out to somebody and get somebody some kind of help.

I learned a lot about reconciling with your traumas as hard as they may be, because everyone has something that makes them scared or makes them ashamed.

And a lot of that they can't really control.

I feel more empathetic towards people.

I think a lot of times parents have a hard time striking up a conversation with adolescents.

In Titanic, the sex scene comes on and they cover your eyes and they don't want you looking.

And so I think it's kind of like that.

And I do rub people the wrong way because I can come off kind of brute I think the more that we can open up and talk about this stuff, especially youth with other youth It just opens an avenue to have those serious conversations, you know, foot in the door, not door in the face.

NARRATOR: Major funding for this program is provided by: The Russell Grinnell Memorial Trust, Steve and Mary Anne Walldorf, and Betsy and Warren Dean.

Additional funding is provided by: Arts in Society the Joseph Henry Edmondson Foundation, the Bee Vradenburg Foundation, The Buck Foundation, The Calm Foundation, the Kirkpatrick Family Fund, the Cultural Office of the Pikes Peak Region, and Will Stoller-Lee.

For more information, additional resources, Or to watch Our Time films, please visit: www.youthdocumentary.org