After I lost my family members, I would come here and I would just spin.

It almost felt like I was spinning the pain off of me.

Do you feel all cleansed of all of your anxiety?

- I do, as well as perhaps my lunch.

Americans may seem divided, but we're united in the pursuit of at least one thing, happiness.

My name is Amanda Brinkman.

I've spent years traveling across the country, uncovering some of the mystery and meaning behind this elusive thing we all want.

Hey guys.

Join me as I meet Americans on their own incredible pursuits, discovering happiness in some seriously unexpected places.

(Amanda screaming) - [Bystander] You did it.

(lively music) - We hold these truths to be self-evident.

- That all men are created equal.

- That everyone is created equal.

- That they're endowed by their creator.

- With certain unalienable rights.

Certain alien bites.

Certain unalienable rights.

- Que todos estos son And among these are-- Life.

-Liberty.

-The pursuit of happiness.

[MUSIC PLAYING] - [Sherry Walling] I was in the midst of a lot of grief, and I really wanted something that would kind of take my mind off of that experience and flying trapeze did it.

- [Person nearby] Woo hoo.

Clinical psychologist Dr.

Sherry Walling thought she knew everything there was to know about grief until both her father and brother died months apart.

Personal loss can be a transformative experience.

Just ask stoic George Washington who wept after losing his brother.

Abigail Adams mourned her mother and children in one of the largest collections of letters from the Revolutionary Era.

Sherry realized her trauma expertise wasn't enough, so she got out of her head and found happiness in her body, 30 feet up in the air.

- [Amanda] Hi!

Are you gonna teach me how to do that?

- Let's do it.

- [Sherry] Oh my gosh.

- How do you feel about heights in general?

- I'm okay with heights.

- [Sherry] Okay.

- [Amanda] But usually like not jumping off of it on purpose.

How did you feel the first time you did it?

- It's so fun.

I was terrified.

- Oh my God.

- I think your body's instinct is like, this is dangerous.

And the body's pretty well organized to staying alive.

- [Sherry] You got it though (laughing) - [Amanda] Right.

- [Sherry] So this is Katie.

- [Katie] Nice to meet you.

- [Sherry] She owns this circus.

[Katie] Do you know what you got yourself into today?

- No.

- Okay.

- [Katie] We're gonna spend a few minutes down here and then we're gonna send you up the yellow ladder to the trapeze.

- Okay.

- All right, come on up to the mat.

- Yes.

- [Amanda] This is wild, 'cause like this morning on my way over here, I'm like thinking about like 15 million things.

And now all I can think about is just like, not falling to my death.

- [Sherry] I think that's actually why I love it.

- How do you keep your hands from sweating?

- We have lots of chalk.

Like when you're up there, you can't be thinking about your groceries or your kids or your errands.

Like it's very peaceful actually.

- Okay.

- You ready?

- No.

(laughing) - How's that?

(hands clap) (laughing) - Oh my gosh.

- [Sherry] Breathe.

- That's an important part.

Oh my gosh.

This is like, for real scary.

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh.

(yelling) - [Katie] That's it.

Oh my God!

Oh my God!

Oh my God!

- [Katie] Put your legs together.

- [Sherry] I think the first time that I did flying trapeze, I really did feel like a child on the swing set again.

- [Sherry] I loved that.

I think it made me feel really hopeful.

Like, what else is possible?

Up!

Woo!

- [Katie] Nice!

- [Amanda] There aren't that many things in life that we're beginners at.

- [Sherry] Yeah, and especially as adults, we're pretty used to being good at things.

and that beginner's mind makes it, you can sort of relax into not having to know.

- [Katie] Gotcha!

(Amanda screams) Yeah, nice job, and down you go.

(crowd cheers) - Nice job, Amanda.

- I'm joining the circus!

(laughing) How'd that feel?

- That was so fun.

Just, okay, just this dismount would have been intimidating like an hour ago.

It didn't make any sense to like let go.

- And like the complete trust of another human being.

Like it was so, I've never felt so present in a moment.

That was wild.

That was so cool.

Thank you.

- You have this experience of doing something you didn't really imagine that your body could do.

- Yes.

- And then you like it and that's extra surprising.

- [Amanda] The joys of movement were no surprise to Thomas Jefferson, an avid walker and horseman, who famously said, "Determine never to be idle."

And he wasn't alone.

Benjamin Franklin invented hand paddles and performed synchronized swimming, while George Washington won wrestling championships.

Jefferson also said, "A strong body makes a strong mind, in part to combat depression."

In fact, it was Dr.

Benjamin Rush, a signer of the Declaration, who published the first-ever psychiatric textbook in the United States.

(calm music) - I was an academic.

I was a professor.

I was really interested in the acquisition and sort of mastery of knowledge.

But part of my story is really a significant loss.

And understanding and words have not been so helpful in making that loss feel lighter.

- [Amanda] Mhm Bringing movement into a therapeutic process or into a grief process is also addressing one of the primary places where the hurt is stored.

It's not just in our head.

Like, I don't just know that my dad and brother died.

Like, I feel it.

- [Amanda] Mhm - [Sherry] I think we've lost these old traditions and old ways of grieving that are very embodied.

- Does play help us get it out physically?

- Yeah.

- Do you have one of these at home and you just read the newspaper every morning?

- I do have one of these at home.

It's true.

[thoughtful music] - [Sherry] Oh my gosh, it looks so pretty.

I'm coming up.

Give us a little spin.

When my brother died, I just like went flat and I just laid in the dirt in the backyard.

I almost feel like I'm climbing out of that feeling, like it's one hand over another.

I think that the doing of that over and over early on when he died was almost like my body practicing getting up.

Get it like a little off the ground.

Somewhere along the line, we learn to talk ourselves out of our feeling.

You know, quite simply, like we have to stop doing that.

There you are.

- [Amanda] Like that.

- Like, you like that.

- That's hard.

- It's really hard.

This one does take a lot of arm strength.

They're a hard thing to start on.

- They're super hard.

Barely anybody can do that.

Okay, you didn't start until you were like in your 40s.

- I started when I was 40, yeah.

- How do you feel about your body now?

- It's been actually very joyful for me to experience how strong I am now.

I think there's all these messages about what a body can do or should be doing at a certain age - Mhm - and that I'm approaching 50 now, but my body is like super strong and super capable.

And so I feel like I'm writing a new story for myself about what's possible.

(soft music) - [Sherry] In my old life as an academic, I wore boring clothes.

And now I get to wear like wild, crazy, - Oh my gosh!

- Bird outfits, which is pretty fun.

- [Amanda] This is fantastic.

- Do people still run away and join the circus?

- As often as possible.

- Just asking for a friend.

I'm gonna forget I have this on, I'm gonna walk into my home.

- Go to the grocery store.

- There you go.

- I mean, honestly, now that half of my life is covered with glitter, people smile at me a lot more than they used to.

(Amanda laughing) One of the things that I've been thinking about is the word "pursuit," as if it's something that we have to go and chase.

And it's not a word that I love, because I think what we're working on is the return or the remembering of the state of happiness that exists within us.

- [Interviewer] If you saw someone that was unhappy, what would you say?

- Um, come on, let's play.

- I still play, but some adults don't.

They lose interest.

Me siento libre cuando bailo - If I could do anything, I would swing in the backyard with a bunch of my friends.

- Like me!

(laughing) When I'm with them, they build things, and then they love to just tear 'em down and start all over again.

Kind of like life, you know?

(laughing) - Like, my dad doesn't respect me.

It's all love.

(laughing) But I get it, you know?

I told him I do comedy, and he was like, "What's so funny?"

(laughing) 'Cause, you know, he had to, he grew up, he had to struggle, you know?

Like, he grew up in Ethiopia in the '60s.

You know those songs like, "We are the world."

(audience laughing) He was one of the children, you know?

So you don't understand the look he gives you when you go to a doctor and he's like, "Yeah, if this child doesn't struggle more, "he will die."

You know, (laughing) from too many resources.

- [Amanda] America's comedy roots go deep.

Benjamin Franklin created two comic personas, the middle-aged widow, Silence Dogood, and the hapless, poor Richard.

Today, first-generation Ethiopian-American Abenezer Merdasa is an engineer who trades a computer screen for the stand-up stage, using humor to confront prejudice and challenge stereotypes.

Turns out breaking into laughter may also break down a few barriers.

[Amanda] Hello?

[Abenezer] Hi!

- [Amanda] Your mom let me in.

(Abenezer laughs) This is the office.

- Yeah, this is where I spend most of my time.

I go downstairs for coffee.

It's about the only time I really leave.

- Yeah, this is a reality for so many people.

Kind of sitting alone in front of a screen.

- [Abenezer] Yeah, school's online too.

- [Amanda] That's true.

- [Abenezer] So getting out, seeing people, it kind of recharges your energy.

- Yeah, I think more people would be happier if they were spending more time in community with people.

- [Abenezer] No, 100%.

- Can I sit on your bed?

- Go right there.

- All right, you got a good setup in here.

- Yeah, I normally sleep in the chair.

(laughing) - Do you really?

Why waste time getting into the bed?

- Hustle culture, baby.

(laughing) I hope you're hungry.

This is Ethiopian food, so the bread, that's injera.

You use it to lay and scoop.

- What is it made of?

- [Abenezer] Uh, mother?

(laughing) - This could be a whole standup bit.

- Me not knowing our own cultures.

- And not knowing.

(laughing) (soft music) - What led you to make the decision to move your family to the U.S.?

- For them, especially for our kids, we decided to come here.

It was very hard for us, you know.

The culture, the language, the accent.

- Was humor kind of a way to connect with other kids?

- Yeah, 'cause I wasn't athletic.

- I either gotta make him laugh, or I can't play the sports.

- I gotta make it, yeah.

- What did you think when he said, "I'm going to become a comedian?"

- Oh.

(laughing) - We are not encouraging him.

- But we love him.

- He didn't tell us.

- We heard from friends.

- From friends, yeah, the show.

- Yeah, the show.

- And people are talking, you know.

- Is there a difference between Ethiopian humor and American humor?

Ethiopian humor is very harsh.

If somebody's like frustrating you 'cause they're not like catching up, you'll call them like dingeye, which is like you're a rock.

(laughing) - She likes that one, that was funny, yeah.

- Their favorite.

(laughing) - [Amanda] Our founders weren't as stuffy or uptight as we envision.

They were witty, sometimes even rowdy.

Benjamin Franklin really loved jokes about flatulence.

Thomas Paine mocked King George III in his pamphlet Common Sense, while playwright Mercy Otis Warren's scathing political parodies compared the monarchy to the Roman Empire and turned sentiments against the crown, particularly with colonial mothers.

And enslaved communities shared African trickster stories to lighten their spirits.

Satire played a social critique, and laughter signaled hope.

Comedy was, in no small part, how our republic was made.

- [Abenezer] We are at Matthews Park.

I love this place.

I went to middle school here.

This is the first team that I played for.

- [Amanda] Okay.

- [Abenezer] We had a terrible record.

We won one game.

- [Amanda] You know, you hear this term sometimes in comedy, like, "bombing."

- Is that like a part of the process?

- It's 100%.

I mean, if every time I like touched a mic or I like went forward with like a premise and it was amazing I think it would lose the magic of it I'm very comfortable on a stage but like to like say a joke for the main purpose of making someone laugh is very intimidating.

- Most of the time when people come to a comedy show they want to have fun -Yeah, they're there to laugh -They're there to laugh - They're there to be entertained - Yeah, they want you to do well, if not more than you want to do well - [Amanda] Yeah.

- [Abenezer] yeah.

- I feel like life is like that a lot too.

Like I think we're all better off and happier when we assume positive intent.

- Yeah.

I recently did a show where we drove in and it was like dirt road to a barn, walked in and there was a guy with like ripped off, it was like a button up, but like a ripped off.

And I was like, oh no.

I feel like this is everything that like would not like me personally.

But it's like, you know, that's also me making a judgment on a group of people based on how they look.

When they can see me have a human moment outside of whatever their misconceptions of a person that looks like me is, -Yeah.

- I feel like in that moment it humanizes both of us.

- Yes, when a joke is funny to both of you, there's like this really beautiful, just kind of, we both-- - - We both can crack a smile at the same, yeah.

I think it's, it's a form of connection.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

[Amanda] And I also think you're using your gifts.

Like humor is a gift, storytelling is a gift, making people laugh, joy, these are things people need.

- Yeah.

(upbeat music) [Amanda] Are you guys able to see that I'm making all of these?

(soft upbeat music) (audience applauding) One time me and a couple of my buddies got mugged.

(Laughter) Thanks.

(Laughs) This is the most empathy I've ever received.

Like, I told my dad, and he was like, "It's 'cause you're fat.

Criminals can see that you cannot run away."

[Laughter] He was like, "They're deviants, but they're logical people."

(Knock on door) -Hey.

All right.

Is this the green room?

- Yes it is.

- Can I sit with you?

- Absolutely.

- You can sit with us.

- Oh my gosh, is this where, okay, Do you guys still get nervous?

- Yeah.

- I like it when I'm a little anxious before a show.

- Yeah, it's good kinetic energy.

- I don't always have it.

- You know when I get really anxious?

Like when you're just watching everybody top the person before and you're like, I got nothing.

- Is there ever something in life that has happened where it's like, nah, that'll never be material.

Like it's too hard.

- The stuff that you're like, nah, that's too close to home, that's too hard to write about, that's the stuff that's gonna be good eventually.

Yeah.

- Often times when you have stuff that feels too emotionally potent, what you usually need is perspective.

That's why they say the whole thing, tragedy plus time equals comedy.

- Yeah.

- You know, what I don't think we're ready for is aliens.

'Cause dude, we're all the human race, and yet we've struggled with racism before.

Can you imagine how bad we're gonna be when there's like an actual different race here.

(audience laughing) You know, if we're not, I'm gonna be a little offended.

I'm not gonna lie to you.

All right, that's my time.

My name's Abenezer.

There you guys are so fine.

(audience applauding) - Oh, my nose.

- What a great way to start the day, a good laugh.

(laughing) - It's a good connection to have with other people.

Really good connection.

(laughing) - I have a six month old granddaughter.

She can laugh and laugh and laugh, it makes me feel so happy - What is a dinosaur's favorite car?

A Ferrari.

[Interviewer] I don't get it.

- A Fer-RAW-ri (laughing) - Of course it changes when you get older because you see things as not so serious which you once thought were very serious - We would probably have killed each other by now, but we share a sense of humor and we have a fun relationship as well as a deep one.

- Oh yeah.

Definitely (soft music) - You would think that after a birth and being up for multiple days, you'd think you'd come home and crash pretty hard, but in all honesty, you're filled with such hope.

And that's so important to me, is that I want to be there assisting this family so that they know they are never alone.

[Amanda] Sisters Sarah Longacre and Wendy Longacre Brown are both certified doulas.

Sarah comforts those giving birth, while Wendy guides clients approaching death.

From the Greek for "female servant," Doulas have played active roles in life's biggest transitions for thousands of years.

For Sarah and Wendy, the job is personal, even spiritual.

Their work is a powerful reminder that true happiness lies in the freedom to make our own choices.

[Amanda] Good morning.

I thought maybe you could use one of these.

[Sarah L] Thank you.

Oh, good morning.

Do you know that a child was just born while all of you were sleeping?

- How did it go?

- The birth went how birth does.

We have plans and hopes for the way things are gonna go.

And what I know is you have to totally let go and surrender.

As a birth doula, it is so important to be that tour guide.

Our medical providers, our midwives, our OBs, our nurses are fabulous, but their job is the medical side.

My job as a birth doula is emotional, physical, And some say spiritual support for the birthing family.

- I would think that that navigation piece is key because you have experience of all of these births and to have someone be able to reassure you that not only is it going to be okay, but there's choice in these moments.

- Having choices, not only in birth, but everyday life gives us the freedom to go deeper into our own intuition.

As a birth doula, it is my goal to say when they're holding their baby, I knew all of my choices and I made the best one for me and my family in that moment.

Because then you get the empowerment.

And then we continue to raise our children in that empowerment.

- Yeah.

(bright music) - [Sarah] Welcome, hi, how are you?

- Oh my goodness, hello.

- In 2007, I opened Bluma.

This is a place where people come and cry for the first time in public.

They feed their baby for the first time in public.

Their baby cries and they don't have to feel guilty.

My aunt used to always love to play the "What's in your bag?"

game, So I am super curious, what is in a birth doula's bag?

- Number one, you gotta have a breath mint at birth.

Amanda, I won't mess with your hair, but let me tell you, this, oh, see, yeah, that's-- - It's funny, I never thought about the birthing process ever as an opportunity for it to be relaxing.

- [Sarah] Do you trust me?

- [Amanda] Yes.

- [Sarah] Okay, take a deep breath.

I'm just going to ease your baby out of your vagina.

(laughing) (Light piano music) One place that I think this country can improve is talking about the reality of actually what it is to become a parent.

I mean, let's be honest, Laura Ingalls Wilder, 150 years ago, she didn't have Google.

She didn't read what to expect when expecting.

She learned from her mother, her aunts, her grandmothers, and the more education that you can get to say, this is normal, oh, and this is normal, oh, and this is normal, and this is normal.

We have to let go of expectations and let whatever's supposed to unfold, unfold.

It's why birth and death are so similar.

(soft music) [Sarah] Hi!

This is my big sister.

[Amanda] Nice to see you.

What a beautiful day at the lake.

I think birth, you know, a lot of people feel that that's a moment of awe and beauty.

Why do you feel that it's important to change people's understanding that there is beauty and awe in death.

[Wendy] I think because the simple fact that birth and death are the two great thresholds every human will cross, if we're pushing away death as something that is hidden and not communal, then we're losing an opportunity to fully be engaged and giving grace and autonomy and love to our person.

[Sarah] Which they deserve.

Everybody deserves to have choices in birth and choices in death.

Our mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

We had seen it coming for quite a few years.

We lost her brother from Alzheimer's and he had a painful long journey.

Every time that we left the nursing home, our mother would say very clearly, "I'm not doing that."

When Wendy was given this gift of becoming a death doula, we learned about VSED.

VSED is voluntarily stopping eating and drinking.

[Wendy] Most of her joy in life had departed.

She stopped visiting with friends.

She didn't want to leave the house as often.

She was getting scared in familiar locations.

You know, I think when that's being stripped away, it becomes very clear that there's There's no space for me here anymore.

[Amanda] You've really both talked about how important choice is, both in the birthing process and in the death process.

How do you feel like autonomy relates to happiness?

- That was one of the biggest eye openers for me when I was learning about the role of a death doula is looking at end of life and what options people have that they're just not considering.

aside from how long do I want to potentially have treatment, more about who do I want to surround me.

Do they want to be home or do they prefer being in a hospital with more staff around them?

You know, these are all things that one can control and that is one way to provide happiness.

(gentle music) [Amanda] In colonial America, women gathered together for childbirth were called groaning parties.

One doula from the era, Martha Ballard, attended 816 births without losing a single mother.

Shocking, given that at the time, one in eight women died during childbirth.

At southern plantations, enslaved women helped deliver white babies, drawing on West African rituals.

They also sang throughout the night of someone's passing, greeting death as crossing over into freedom.

The Puritans adopted the art of dying well, or ars moriendi, which dates back to the Middle Ages, where death rituals included anointing, or covering the deceased with scented oils.

(water running) [Wendy] I end up using lavender and rosemary quite a bit because it's part of the anointing ritual that I'll do.

Smell that.

-Oh, my gosh.

-Yeah.

You know, it's something where every time their family member might be by rosemary or lavender, that they go right back to that moment with their loved ones and family.

-Yeah.

Well, they say your olfactory senses is one of the strongest ties to memory.

How beautiful to be intentionally creating that memory.

- [Wendy] Right.

(gentle music) Ritual is something that I didn't know would be so effective in my work, but mainly how I see my clients just walk away changed.

Be it a string ceremony or cutting herbs or thumbprints, like there is beauty in ritual that doesn't have to be any kind of religion.

Often people feel a bit stuck in their grief and, you know, as a society, It's hard for us to know what to do with it.

This is a way for people to do something with their love.

When I think of how I would want to die, I hope my children and grandchildren will be able to witness my death.

There's just so much growth and those opportunities to have mortality and caregiving and autonomy right there.

Don't recognize this, it's okay.

It's okay.

- Right here.

- I think when we do accept impermanence, we're saying yes to love.

- [Interviewer] That's great.

(cheerful music) In the middle of the couch.

(cheerful music) - I didn't expect to meet somebody ever again, so.

- We're just like each other's company.

- Yes, and we laugh a lot.

Fun is where it's at because we don't really have that much time.

Can anybody say dance?

[Weeee] - I see a strong woman here.

When I see how my parents went through and they made it, and they are teaching me how to be happy, it's amazing.

It's impressive.

[Amanda] We often think of happiness and grief as complete polar opposites, and I really learned that our grief really informs our happiness.

The last 10 years I was a caregiver.

There wasn't anything else I could do that would be better.

- Happiness is um, trying to find positive things when there are challenges.

- Well, I think life is wonderful.

I want every second of it.

I don't like the bad parts and the challenges, but they really do make the good things better.

I think we didn't say that we are partners.

Yeah, that was kind of obvious though, I hope.

I know, but it's fun to say.

(chuckles) (cheerful music) (bright synth sound)